Leah's Sunrise
by Forever without him
Summary: It only took death for him to realize how much he loved her." For anyone who ever wondered "what-if" for Leah and Jacob. "What-if" Jacob had never broken away? "What-if" he hadn't imprinted? "What-if" life was completely different? M for language.
1. Life Hates Me

_Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Twilight and all its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended._

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**Prelude: **_It only took death for him to realize how much he loved her_

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**Chapter 1:**

**Life Hates Me**

I looked out over the cliff, dangling my feet in the air as I watched the waves crash against the rocks hundreds of yards below me. As I stared out at the gray sky I contemplated how my life had gotten to this point.

Anyone who thinks that they have been dealt the worst possible hand in life obviously hasn't met me. My life is so difficult that I _long_ for the days where my biggest concern was whether or not my favorite outfit was clean for school the next day. Compared to what happened after I graduated, high school was a piece of cake.

The first blow to my ego happened when my boyfriend of four years left me to go knock boots with my cousin. Sam had just stared at me blankly when I curled up on the sofa and buried my face into the cushion. Of course, he wasn't expecting me to throw that glass at his head two seconds later. Somehow, seeing the gash in his head satisfied me.

"Ow, Leah, what the hell?" he stuttered out.

"You get to break my heart, so I get to break your head," I snarled.

He rubbed the cut firmly. I expected him to get angry, but instead, he just closed his eyes and took in a relaxing breath. "I'm not doing this to hurt you…"

"You are such an ass," I snapped. Anger always worked better to my advantage. It was better than the alternative. I hated tears with a passion. Crying never made me feel any better. It just made me puffy, red, and dehydrated.

I picked up the TV remote to hurl at Sam. I figured maybe throwing things would make me feel better.

Emily had intervened at that point. My cousin had always been a perfect little busybody. I never would have invited her down to meet Sam had I known she was going to sleep with him.

"It's not his fault…" Emily said. She calmly handed Sam a dishrag to cover the cut on his head. I guess that wasn't a bad idea. I didn't need him bleeding all over my carpet. Because when his body turned up a month from now I didn't need anything linking me to the scene of the crime.

"Well then, tell me whose fault it is so I can tear their ass up, too."

"He's…different. He can't control…" Emily started to say something, but Sam stopped her. Emily huffed angrily, "I wish I was able to explain this in a way that you'd understand it."

_I don't think that's possible,_ I thought harshly.

"Get out." I wouldn't even look at my cousin.

"Leah…" Sam stepped forward.

"I want you out of my house!!" I screamed. It's a good thing that my parents and my brother Seth weren't home to hear me losing my temper with my two best friends. I'm sure my mother would try to sit me down and tell me talk about this rationally. But I wasn't a very rational person when I was angry. Sometimes I scared myself when I lost my temper. Getting out of control is fun for a while...until you have your hands around someone's throat cutting off their oxygen supply and telling them to hold still while you kill them.

"You have to believe that it was never my intent to hurt you," Sam said with a frown.

"Well, it was never my intent to kill you but I'm going to if you don't get away from me," I snarled.

"What can I do to make this right?" Sam pleaded.

"Kick yourself in the nuts repeatedly." I shrugged.

"I hate seeing you like this, Leah. I love you. I don't want to see you hurting."

"Well, I am," I hissed. "Now, leave before I kill you with my mother's wedding china."

Sam pulled the dishrag away from his head just as I turned to look at Emily.

"You were like a sister to me." My lip was trembling. But I wasn't going to cry. Not for these two.

"Leah, I'm sorry…" Emily whimpered out.

"Emily, we should go." I heard Sam from behind me.

Emily sighed as she walked past me, "Please don't hate me, Leah."

She was asking me to do the impossible. How could I forgive her for loving the same man as me? As I watched them walking towards the door I noticed that Sam's head was no longer bleeding. I cocked my head in confusion as I looked at the dishrag. It barely had any blood on it. But the gash that the glass had created was probably deep enough to warrant stitches. I glanced at his head as he was walking out the door. I noticed that there was no gash.

Sam turned to face me and verified that there was now no injury on his head. My mouth fell open in shock. How had he managed to bounce back so quickly? I shook my head. I didn't care. The freak was breaking up with me anyway.

"I hope you'll understand some day." He looked at the ground sadly. I shook my head. I wasn't a very understanding girl. And I didn't want to try to pretend to understand how two people I loved so dearly could hurt me this much. This is why I hated love. Because it brought you nothing but pain.

"Please forgive me…" Emily begged.

I was so worked up that all I could do was snarl back, "I never want to see either of you again. Karma is going to bite you two in the ass and I hope she leaves a mark!"

I really regretted saying that. Two weeks later I got a phone call that Emily had been mauled by a bear. She was going to be okay but she'd suffered massive injuries to her face. That's the day that I forgave her for stealing my boyfriend. Hell, I would have forgiven her for _murder_ at that point. I felt so bad that she had been hurt.

Seeing her in the hospital broke my heart. I hadn't meant the harsh words I'd said to her. I loved her. She was part of my family. But even her injuries weren't enough for me to forgive Sam. I didn't care if a bear ripped his head off and shit in his empty skull....I would probably still never forgive him.

At the hospital he was acting so weird. Even weird for Sam. He kept looking around nervously, spazzing out, and apologizing profusely to Emily. His erratic and uncharacteristic behavior really bothered me. What the hell had he turned in to?

Unfortunately, I got my answer to that question when I lost my temper one day when I was fighting with my brother. I think we were arguing over something stupid like whose turn it was to do the dishes. I called him a dick and he called me a bitch. The next thing I knew, my head was pounding and I was writhing on the ground in pain.

Seth immediately took back his harsh words. "Crap. I'm sorry. Leah, what's wrong?"

I managed to stumble to my feet and crawl out the front door. I was burning up and I thought that maybe the fresh air would help me. It wasn't until I fell off of the porch and tried to stand back up that I realized I had four feet.

Sam's voice was the first one I heard…which didn't help the situation.

_Calm down. It's alright, Leah. You're fine._

_How could I possibly be fine? I'm hearing a Satanic voice in my head,_ I muttered sarcastically.

_Sam, I think it might be best if someone else helped her through this._ Was that Jacob?

Sam sighed, _I think you might be right._

_I got it._ I turned around and saw a sandy colored wolf standing just outside my front door.

_Seth_? I gawked.

_Leah, you aren't going to believe this._ There was a hint of excitement in his voice.

_Please tell me that I hit my head and I'm unconscious and this is all part of my brain damage,_ I begged.

Seth took a step towards me. _Nope. This is all very real._

_Someone shoot me…with a silver bullet._ I shook my head.

That was the day that I'd learned that I was _literally_ a bitch. A female dog. A werewolf to be exact.

I laughed myself to sleep a week later thinking "well, at least it can't get any worse."

If there was an award to receive for being so massively completely wrong...I would have acquired it. Just when you think you've hit rock bottom you find out that there's a basement. And below that basement is a bomb shelter. I was buried about a mile beneath the dirt under that bomb shelter.

My bad luck continued when my father died, shaking up my entire family. Mom was devastated and Seth and I were heartbroken. Seth and I buried our pain in running as wolves. We existed to preserve human life…and to rip apart vampires.

So imagine my surprise when I found out that just across our border there was a family of leeches that had apparently been living in harmony with our ancestors for centuries. How stupid were our relatives? Seriously? I could just see how it must have played out.

_"Hi, I'm a vampire. I eat people."_

_"Hi, I'm a werewolf. I transform into a giant dog and lick my ass. Let's be friends."_

_"Kay."_

Jacob and Seth had befriended the vampires. It drove me crazy that the two of them were buddy-buddy with the enemy. But they were friends with Bella Swan, who was very close to the Cullen family. So, by proxy, they hung out with the vampires, too.

Jacob and Bella had been best friends for years. When they were younger I used to see them chasing each other around the playground. Actually, it was usually Jacob doing the chasing. Bella didn't really have much interest in him. She spent a lot of her time hanging upside down from the monkey bars like some creepy little bat. No wonder the girl was brain damaged. All that blood rushing to her empty head couldn't have been good for her.

When Bella moved away from Forks after her folks got a divorce it nearly killed Jacob. He moped around for years whining about how he was never going to see the girl who basically had no interest in him again. But she moved back about two years ago, and Jacob hadn't left her side ever since. Even after she fell in love with a vampire.

Jake didn't like the fact Bella was drooling over Edward Cullen. But I think he was more upset that Bella didn't see him in the light that she saw Edward in. I remembered the way the conversation had gone when we found out that Bella loved Edward.

"She loves a vampire?" I had questioned.

"Who cares that he's a vampire? The bigger issue here is that she doesn't love _me_." Jacob had whined and complained about how Bella preferred Edward's cold glittery skin over his warm smooth flesh.

I don't know why Bella wanted a vampire when she could have a hot-blooded mammal. Jacob was kind of sexy…but he was also an incredible jackass. Still, I wouldn't deny that there was an attraction between us. Unfortunately, he was never going to see me that way. He hated me. _Everyone_ hated me. I guess I had brought it upon myself. I wasn't exactly a nice person. Sometimes, I wondered if the day that I was born if I sat in my little bassinet gurgling to myself, "Hmm, how can I completely ruin my entire life?" I must have spent the first few hours of my life mapping out a plan to make myself miserable. Then I'd probably spit-up on my onesie and fallen asleep.

Jacob sighed, "She's in love with him." He glanced at the ground.

"Yeah, until she finds out that every time she tries to give him a blowjob her tongue sticks to his frozen junk." My vulgar side slipped out. The image in my head was that of an idiot who stuck their tongue on a frozen pole in the winter time. I couldn't stop laughing.

Jacob's mouth hung open in shock.

I just rolled my eyes. "Close your mouth, Jacob before I shove a popsicle in it to demonstrate what Edward Cullen's dick tastes like."

Jacob didn't complain to me about Bella and Edward after that. He bitched about it when we were wolves, but after a while he stopped pursuing Bella. It was after an unlikely alliance with the Cullens that he realized that Bella was never going to stray from Edward.

We had banded together with the vegetarian bloodsuckers when there was an army of vampires running wild. Together we destroyed the army. Jacob had been badly injured. And it was my fault. Had I not decided to get all suicidal and take on two vampires at once he never would have been hurt in the first place. I don't know if anyone in my pack sensed that I was _trying_ to get myself killed, but Jacob saved me. Which was kind of nice, but it pissed me off. Death is a lot harder to wish for when you know that someone cares about you.

At least, I _thought_ that Jacob cared about me. But now I was having my doubts. He and Sam were at odds. We found out four days ago that Bella wasn't human anymore. I still couldn't understand who would _choose_ to be a monster. But she told Edward that's all she wanted for her birthday. Most teenagers ask for a car. Bella Swan wanted her boyfriend to turn her into a vampire. And what's even worse, he gave her the present she so desired on her nineteenth birthday.

As werewolves, we were supposed to hate her. And we were also supposed to be allowed to attack the Cullens because the treaty said that the vampires could not bite a human. But Jacob was her best friend, so he and Sam had been fighting about the treaty we had with the Cullens. Sam was livid when he found out the rest of the gory details.

_A baby_? Sam gawked. _How in the hell can vampires have kids?_

I laughed. _Freeze dried sperm._ Sounded like a recipe that you might find in the deep south or something.

Somehow, Edward had gotten Bella pregnant. Even more astonishing was the fact that she actually lived through the ridiculously sped-up pregnancy. The only reason we didn't know about this was because Jacob had been refraining from phasing for a few weeks. He and Edward had been working together to keep Bella alive for the little mutant spawn's sake.

I didn't like to think about how the birth transpired. I could just see a scene out of a terrible science fiction movie of some little alien popping its head in and out like it was a little whack-a-mole from a carnival game. The first time Jacob had phased back after the baby had been born I thought I was watching a porno flick he'd seen at some point in his life. He quickly explained more cheery than I would have expected.

_Bella had a baby girl._

_That's great. And I give a shit why?_ I questioned.

Sam was upset at the other thing that Jacob had phased to tell us. _Edward changed her?_

_He did it in order to save her._ Jacob was defending Edward Cullen? Why?

I could feel Sam's concern about the child. _I don't like the idea of a vampire child running around this close to our border._

_Relax, Sam. The kid's cool. She's really intelligent. You should come meet her._ Seth had met the baby, too?

I made a mental note to myself to rip Seth a new one for going on to the vampire's land. It was hard enough that Jacob was buddies with them. Now I had to watch my brother get all attached to the leeches?

Sam went on about how he thought the baby was a threat to us. I rolled my eyes. What was she going to do? Cry us to death? Take a massive baby crap and hurl it at us like she was a little monkey or something? Even _I_ had reservations about destroying a baby. That just sounded terribly wrong, even if it _was_ a kid from a vampire seed.

_Hurting Renesmee would hurt Bella. And I won't let you do that, Sam,_ Jacob growled. _She's finally happy._

_And what about you, Jacob?_ I questioned. What about his happiness? Was he really okay with watching someone he loved kissing on a vampire for the rest of her life? Was he really willing to stay best friends with Bella now that she was a pale freakshow bloodsucker?

_What about me?_

_I thought you loved Bella. _

_I do._

I snorted, _Then how can you watch her live happily ever after with some douchebag?_

_It's because I love her that I'm able to let her be happy._

_Don't kid yourself, pup. When you love someone you fight for them._ I sure as hell would have fought for Sam if I'd had the strength. But so much had happened that I got swallowed by life. Sometimes I regretted not fighting for his love a little more. It's like I had practically gift-wrapped him for my cousin. But I think in my heart I always knew that he and I would never last.

_I DID fight for her, Leah,_ he snarled. _I don't think this is about me. You just can't stand to see anyone else happy. Just because your life isn't working out doesn't mean the rest of us have to be miserable._

His comment stung, but I was able to fight back my pain. I hadn't meant anything I'd said in a negative way. I just wasn't always good with words. Sometimes people misconstrued what I was trying to say. Yet just another reason I was a failure in life.

_Jacob, you will not be cruel to her,_ Sam snapped.

_Shut up, Sam. I don't need your help._ The last thing I wanted was my ex-boyfriend protecting me.

_Let's all just calm down._ Embry was usually the quietest wolf. But he didn't like us fighting so he tried to break it apart.

_I'm apparently the problem, so I'll just go,_ I huffed. I got the feeling that my pack would be better off without me around anyway.

_Come on, Leah, don't be like that,_ Seth begged.

_You and I both know that I was born to be a failure, kid. You're the future of this family, not me,_ I sighed. Seth and I were polar opposites. He excelled in everything he did. I sucked at everything besides snappy, witty comebacks. He was happy. I was miserable. He loved everything. And I hated everyone. In a way, we balanced each other out.

_That isn't true._

_Name one thing I'm good at._ I rolled my eyes.

Seth thought for a moment. I could tell he was struggling with coming up with something. I wasn't surprised.

_Well, uh…you've got one hell of a left hook._

I gasped sarcastically, _I know how to punch? Oh, my life is complete!_

_You're so pessimistic. _Quil shook his head.

_Anyone else want to tell me what's wrong with me?_

_Don't tempt me,_ Jacob muttered quietly.

_Jacob,_ Sam snapped at him again.

_No. It's fine, Sam. I don't need any of you._ _Later._ I decided to phase back and hide out as human.

That was the last time I'd talked to my pack, including my brother. I had been hiding from them for almost three days. I don't know what finally happened with the Cullens and their new bouncing baby parasite. And I didn't really care.

I stood up and let out a sigh. Hiding from nine wolves wasn't an easy thing to do. But a few miles down the road I'd set up a nice little camp where I had been fishing and sleeping. My dad had taught me about the outdoors. I never thought that I'd need to know how to fish. But then again I never thought I would be a werewolf on the lamb.

I looked out at the angry water. It was getting ready to storm. I closed my eyes and inhaled the smell of the salty water. It burned my nose. I saw the tide picking up and the waves increased in size. It wouldn't take long for someone to drown in that water. I leaned forward curiously.

I froze as my eyes watched the dark murky water below. For a split second, I thought about just closing my eyes and falling. Everyone would be better off without me around. Then I smacked myself for even thinking about doing something that stupid. When had I gotten all emo?

The wind burned my nose again. It didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't saltwater that was causing me to tear up. That horrible stench was unmistakable. I had been around vampires long enough to know that icy scent.

I heard a noise from behind me. I spun around and glanced through the trees. I saw a pair of glowing red eyes gazing out at me.

I wasn't alone out here.


	2. Pain loves me

**Chapter 2:**

**Pain loves me**

A growl escaped through the trees and the next thing I knew the vampire was crouching towards me.

"I'm not your prey, you idiot." I rolled my eyes.

He stopped and looked at me curiously.

"Interesting…" He nodded to himself.

"You want interesting? I'll give you interesting, you sad sack of shit. Leave before I saw your little vampire balls off."

Even though my brain was telling me to phase and rip this moron apart all I could do was stand there glaring at him. I guess I really had lost my will to live…or my mind.

"You're wasting your time." I frowned at the vampire. This was going to play out one of two ways. Either I would phase and rip off all of his limbs. Or he would kill me and get me out of the misery I was currently in. I could really go either way. It didn't matter to me.

"Is that so?" the vampire questioned. He cocked his head as he looked at me. "Tell me, what are you doing out here on this cliff all alone?"

_Because I've been alone my entire life._ I guess it wasn't all bad. Being alone is better than surrounding yourself with people who pretend to care about you. I was sick of all the phoniness in the world. No one cared about me. I was a heartless bitch. Or so I would have others believe. I had given up trying to be friends with anyone. Because everyone in your life eventually screws you over.

I glanced down at the water again. In a way, the ocean looked so free. You didn't have to do anything. The current took you everywhere. You were just along for the ride. Once my father had compared it to life. He'd told me that our lives aren't always in our control and, that like the waves in the ocean, we couldn't fight against it. His exact words were "Shut up, hang on, and enjoy the ride."

"You wouldn't survive the fall." The vampire laughed menacingly at me.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Did he not realize that I was a werewolf? It was going to take a hell of a lot more than a fall off of a cliff to do me in.

"Is it your intent to die today?" he asked.

I thought about the question for a moment. And I didn't have an honest answer. I was at that place beyond miserable. I was way past desolate and flying by heartbroken. I just shrugged.

He grinned a freaky little evil grin at me. "Then by all means let me help with your quest."

_Quest_? What kind of Dungeons and Dragons geek was he? He made it sound like I was trying to go on some gay journey across the mountains to a land filled with elves and fairies.

I let out a laugh when a mental image popped into my head. All I could see was this horrible evil-doer vampire dressed up in a cloak and wearing a pointy little purple hat locked up in his mother's basement with his leech friends using imaginary swords to beat the crap out of each other. He just stared at me in confusion.

"I threaten to kill you and you laugh?"

"Bring it on…_Frodo_…" I cackled out loud.

The vampire watched me warily for a moment. He probably thought I had lost my mind. Technically, I had.

"You don't fear death…" He sounded impressed.

At this point, I would welcome it.

"No. I don't fear _you_." I corrected him.

In truth, I didn't have many fears in life. My parents had raised my brother and me to be very logical. My dad made sure that we understood the psychological reasons behind fear. When Seth told dad he was afraid of frogs dad made him hold one to prove to him it wasn't a big deal. When I watched a horror movie and ended up afraid of clowns dad let me punch one in the face. At the time, I didn't realize it was Billy in make-up. He didn't realize that a five-year-old could hit so hard. But because I had been taught to face my fears, I didn't have any. Because of my dad I was a reckless suicidal maniac. _Thanks, dad._ I thought sarcastically.

"You are a fool," the vampire hissed at me.

_Probably._ I opened my mouth to respond with a smart-ass comment but he lunged forward without warning and pinned me to the ground. I rolled out from underneath him and scrambled to my feet.

_Holy shit_! I shook my head and instinctively hit him in defense. Sometimes, I didn't think things through. My knuckles were pounding in pain. What good was punching a giant rock going to do? _You get a gold star for being an idiot today, Leah._ I snapped at myself. It's not like I could hurt him while I was still human.

"Oh, food that fights back. I like it." He laughed. "I love a challenge."

I snarled back, "I'm not a challenge. I'm fucking impossible."

He lunged for me again before I had a chance to phase. His rock-solid body slammed into me, knocking the wind out of me. I groaned, but was able to slip away from him again. Guess I didn't want him to kill me after all. Maybe I was having one of those "fight or flight" responses. My body was automatically going to fight whether I wanted to or not....because I never ran from fear. Again..._thanks, dad._

"Nothing is impossible, my dear." The leech smirked at me.

"You obviously haven't met me."

We circled each other for a moment doing the "I'm going to kill you" dance. He sprung forward again, throwing me against a jagged pile of rocks. He slammed me against the wall of stones so hard that I felt a piece of one of the edges ripping through my shoulder. He shoved me harder. I looked down and saw that there was a piece of rock sticking from the back of my right shoulder all the way through to my pectoral muscle.

The vampire shoved me roughly, breaking the jagged edge away from the rock and sending me flying to the ground in pain. He forced me to stand up again and threw me back up against the rocks.

The little Merlin vampire was kicking my ass. How humiliating. I pushed myself to fight back.

"Asshole!" I think my adrenaline was keeping me pumping. I shoved him away from me and ripped the rock out of my shoulder. I glanced at the hole the rock had left. Blood was oozing out. "You made me bleed on the only shirt that I have!" I didn't have any other clothes out here. I had been avoiding going home because I figured that Seth would sick mom on me and beg me to come home. I let out a low growl. He didn't seem surprised by my throaty grumble.

He laughed. "I know what you are."

"Yeah, I know what you are, too. That outfit just _screams_ 'gaaaay,'" I quipped. I lowered my voice to a whisper, "I see gay dead people." I mocked _The Sixth Sense._

He hit me again and I could taste blood in my mouth. He knocked my feet out from underneath me and slammed his foot down on my chest. I heard my bones cracking and I grunted in pain. He looked down over me curiously.

"Why do you not change and fight back?"

It was a legitimate question. And I was surprised that he would stop torturing me long enough to ask me that. But would a vampire understand that I didn't care if I lived or died? I think that's why I wasn't fighting back harder. I didn't really want to live anymore. I wasn't about to take my own life...but I wasn't going to stop a vampire from doing it for me.

Besides, if I phased the pack would be here in a heartbeat to "save" me. I didn't want anyone's help. And I actually did care about most of them enough to want to keep them out of this bloodsucker's grasp. I wasn't going to endanger the pack.

He was still impatiently waiting for my answer.

I just spit at him, "Go to hell."

His chest rumbled as he snarled and put his foot gently on my hand. I could feel it brushing against my fingers.

"It's a pity. I was hoping for more of a fight from you," he sighed. He slammed his foot down on my fingers

"Son of a bitch!" Why couldn't the bastard just kill me already?

"I had high hopes for you. I thought you would be a lot harder to kill."

"Sorry to disappoint you."

He leaned down and put his frozen arm against my neck, blocking my windpipe. He really _did_ want a fight. He had to know that anytime that you go for a werewolf's jugular they are going to fight back instinctively. My hands shot up around his neck. I was going to rip his god damn head off.

He fought back by shoving his cold fingers into the hole in my shoulder. I felt a pain shooting through my arm and I kicked him backwards.

"Fucking cocksucker." I hadn't recovered enough to stand up just yet. The vampire was standing over me once again and glaring down at me with a smile. He was taunting me.

"I guess I'll just have to hope that your little friends have more fight in them."

Suddenly I perked up. Was he planning on going after the pack? I snapped at him, "You leave them alone." The thought of this psychopath hurting my brother or one of the younger boys made me sick to my stomach. Either that or I was bleeding internally.

"I stood by and watched as you and your kind destroyed my family," he snapped.

"Sorry. I can't help it if your family was evil," I huffed.

"I swore to her that I would get revenge."

"Ah, so you're doing this to impress a girl? Why am I not surprised?" My brain was yelling at me. _Shut up, you idiot. He'll only beat you more._

"At first I was just going to go after the vampires responsible…" Okay, he had completely lost me. I had no idea what he was talking about. He continued, "But then I found out that one of them can see the future…"

It was obvious he was talking about little Alice Cullen. She was the only vampire around here that was psychic.

"You want to kill the Cullens?" I questioned. "Why?" This was a very weird case of vampire-on-vampire violence. I had never really known vampires to kill one another for no reason.

"Because they killed my family."

"But you just said that werewolves killed your family." How I managed to follow his story was beyond me.

It was only after I'd said the statement that I realized what this vampire was talking about. He kept babbling on about werewolves and vampires killing his family. And there was only one time that I was aware of that werewolves and vampires had fought together.

This was about the battle a year ago. The one in which my pack had teamed up with the Cullens to fight off an army of vampires that had been after Bella. This must be one of the newborn vampires all grown up. Guess we _hadn't_ gotten them all that day.

"I've been watching you and your little friends for quite some time now. And I'm going to obliterate each and every one of you."

Shit. Now I _had_ to fight back. I couldn't let him go after my pack. Sure, they annoyed the crap out of me, but I wouldn't want any harm to come to them. And I had to warn them. But I don't know if I could phase with the injuries I had sustained. I was tough...but that was going to be really freaking painful. I wish we had a signal to display out over all of La Push for all the wolves to see. And to think that I had laughed at Seth when he suggested that we get a wolf-signal.

_"Like Batman has the Bat signal,"_ Seth had suggested.

_"You're a weirdo dork."_ I'd rolled my eyes at him.

I rolled over and forced myself in to the vampire's legs, unsteadying him. He lost his balance, but didn't falter. He just let out a laugh as I crawled to my feet.

"Glad you find pain funny." I winced as I stood up. "Get ready to laugh your ass off." I lunged forward, tackling the unsuspecting vampire to the ground. I was guessing that he didn't think I would have jumped him with broken and mangled bones. He was wrong. I had a high tolerance for pain. I had an even higher tolerance when I was causing someone else pain.

He threw me off of him and to the edge of the cliff. I slammed my head against a rock. It's a good thing I was _already_ a brain-damaged moron. That hit alone had knocked out some of my high school courses.

"Play time is over," he snarled as he lunged for me again. I threw my hands up protectively and kicked him over my head. His cold hands grabbed my shoulders as he went flying off the edge of the rocks, taking me with him.

So I hadn't had to make the decision to jump off of the cliff in order to die. The vampire had made it for me. It was ironic the way my life seemed to work out.

As we plunged towards the icy water below I tried to pry his hands from my arms. He dug his fingers in deeply as we flipped around in the air.

He let go when we crashed into the water. A wave threw me against the rocks. That was just my luck. Get thrown from one painful situation into another. The current pulled me back under. As I sucked in air to hold my breath, my broken ribs throbbed in pain. When the tide pulled me under the cold water stabbed me like a knife. Who was I? Julius freaking Caesar? _Et tu Ocean?_

I managed to pull my head above the water and I coughed out a breath. As I was catching my breath I felt something below the surface grab my foot. Even though I knew it wasn't a shark all I could hear was the theme song to _Jaws_ playing in my head. I watched entirely too much TV. I needed to get a life…if I lived through this.

Something occurred to me.

"Crap. Vampires don't breathe." I remembered that the leech could hold his breath under water forever. But me? I was screwed.

He pulled me under. At that point I knew it was really no use fighting. The more I struggled the less amount of time my lungs full of air would last. All I could think was, _Well, I brought this on myself._ I should have phased the moment I smelled him, but I hesitated. I hesitated because I figured…what was the point? Why should I fight when I knew that in the end I was inevitably going to lose? I'd lost Sam to Emily. I'd lost my father to death. I'd even lost myself. Nothing in my life ever worked out. Why would this time be any different?

Something hard slammed against us in the water. Thank God for driftwood. I felt the vampire lose his grip on my leg. As soon as he let go of me the current carried me towards shore. Finally, a stroke of actual luck. The ironic thing was that the pain was worse once I reached the shore. I crawled out of the water.

I knew that the vampire wasn't far behind me. As much as I didn't want to...I knew I needed to phase. I managed to kick my clothes off. I knew this was going to hurt like hell, but I needed the pack to know about this vampire's plan. I locked my jaw as I phased. The broken bones crunched and I could feel them grinding inside my body. I cried out in pain.

_Leah, what's going on?_ Seth felt my pain.

_Vampire._ That was all I could manage to say at the moment. What I really wanted to say were swear words that would shock a sailor. I pushed myself to explain further. _He is planning to kill the pack._

_Hold on. We're on our way._ Sam was the first one to change his path. I was just glad that they were running because I knew that I wasn't going to last much longer.

_It's bad._ Jacob's voice was a whisper.

_Gee, am I that transparent with my agonizing pain?_ It hurt even to _think_. I couldn't stay a wolf. This was too painful. The broken bones were pulling apart. I closed my eyes and phased back.

I probably looked like some pathetic naked fish that had washed ashore. I grunted as I felt the rain softly hitting my skin.

I managed to sit up and put my clothes back on. If I was going to die I really didn't want to die naked. Some people might think it's graceful to die nude on a beach. I just thought it was stupid. I didn't want sand stuck in my ass when I was eternally laid to rest.

"_Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pay our respects to Leah Clearwater. She…hey, is that a seashell on her crotch? Quick, hold her up to your ear! I bet you can hear the ocean!"_

I crawled towards the trees away from the beach. I didn't get very far. I started cussing at my god damn legs for not getting me any further. I leaned up against a rock to support my back. I was facing the ocean hoping that if the vampire was coming out of the water I would see him. All I could see were black spots forming in my eyes. It hurt worse with every breath that I took.

I was actually amazed that I wasn't dead yet. After everything I had just been through I shouldn't be sitting here breathing. By all accounts, it didn't make sense. Unless of course someone _wanted_ me to suffer. I laughed a hard laugh. That must be it. It would only make sense that I suffer...even in death.

I was still conscious as I saw the leech dart out of the water and speed over to me. He towered over me, grinning with a glint of something I was taking to be drool on his mouth. I wanted to say _Close your mouth, Fido_, but my brain was too busy screaming at my body, _God damn it, just fucking die already_! The pain was horrible. And as much as I wanted it to, death would just not come.

"Not bad for a girl." He leaned forward. "Are you at the place where you're ready to beg for me to take your life?" He taunted me.

"I'm not going to beg you for anything you pathetic loser."

"Are you sure about that?" He stepped on my broken fingers. If they hadn't been broken I would have raised that middle one at him _so_ fast.

Instead of responding I opted for a kick in the nuts. I knew it wouldn't really hurt him, but it satisfied the hell out of me. He grabbed my foot off of his crotch and snapped it. Jesus, was there any bone in my body that _wasn't_ broken? I was going to be like Humpty Dumpty. All the king's horses and all the king's men..were going to find my body parts and never be able to piece me together again…

I wanted to scream, but I just didn't have the strength. It came out as more of a whimper.

He knocked me on my back and sunk his teeth into my ankle. This time I was able to scream out, "Fucking hell!"

"Won't be long now," the vampire said with a laugh. "For you, it's going to be slow and painful." Wow, like everything else in my life. What else was new?

"Slow and painful death? Piece of cake." I managed to choke out.

"Let me explain to you just _exactly_ what our venom does to your kind…" He observed his bite wound. I could already feel the pain shooting up from my ankle to my calf. It was very slow. He was right. It _was_ going to be a painfully sluggish death. "First, it gets into your blood stream where it circulates throughout your body, paralyzing you in pain." He traced his fingers up my ankle to my thigh. If I had the strength to shove him away I would have. He continued, "Then it slowly eats away at your cells sending your body into shock and sending your temperature sky-rocketing. You might feel a _slight_ burning sensation…" He chuckled. "As the venom boils your blood and consumes your organs your body will go into convulsions...fighting back as much as miserably possible. But it will be to no avail, as once it reaches your heart you'll be begging for it to be over."

I had had enough of this sadistic motherfucker. It was over for me anyway so I might as well let all of my pain out. I closed my eyes and let out a piercing scream. He grabbed my jaw with his hand and laughed.

"Soon, my dear." Then he kicked some sand at me as he shuffled away. I guess he was just going to leave me to die here.

My breathing intensified and my heart felt like it was going to burst. I could hear my heart pounding in my head. As the pain burned through my body I started to tremble. Huh, so _this_ is what death felt like. It kinda sucked. As the venom spread through my body my veins felt like they were on fire. Even though I had taken a dip in the freezing water I was burning up. I could feel my face perspiring and the rest of my body started to heat up as well. The burning pain entered my brain. I shot my neck up and screamed as the fire overheated my head. I huffed out a breath and then fell into darkness.


	3. Life isn’t perfect

**Chapter 3:**

**Life isn't perfect, especially if you're me**

**  
Jacob's point of view:**

_Did she phase back? Do you think that's why she faded from our thoughts?_ Seth asked optimistically. He didn't want to believe that anything bad had happened to his sister. Even though two seconds ago we could all feel the agonizing pain she was in.

_Sam, I don't think we're going to make it in time,_ Embry whimpered.

_Shut up, dude. You're talking about my sister,_ Seth snarled.

_I know. That's what I'm worried about. _Embry picked up his pace.

_It's not very often that she shares her pain._ Quil understood where Embry was coming from. I could see in Quil's mind that he was actually _concerned_ about Leah, which was a big deal for Quil. They didn't really get along. But right now he was freaking out about her being hurt. Just like the rest of us.

Truthfully, Quil was right to be concerned. We could all tell how much she was hurting from the fifteen seconds she had managed to stay a wolf. Leah was normally very good at hiding her pain, so the fact that she was choking back tears was very alarming. We hadn't gotten much to go on from Leah's mind. All we knew is that a vampire attacked her and planned on coming after the rest of us. We didn't know the extent of her injuries because she hadn't been conscious long enough for us to gauge how badly she was hurt. So we were just going on by how much pain she was feeling. And it was _a lot_.

_She's got to be okay,_ Seth murmured to himself.

Seth was a good kid. He was the only one in the pack who understood my friendship with the vampires. He even came along with me when I went to visit Bella and her family…which could be annoying sometimes. He was like some happy little Lab puppy that followed his master around all day with a chew toy in his mouth, "Play with me, play with me!"

Still, it was nice to have that goofy Lab puppy on my side. Sam wasn't happy that we were friends with the Cullens. He still wanted to destroy Renesmee, Bella's daughter. There was a time when I would have agreed with his reasons, but I made a promise to Bella that I would always love her and keep her safe. And I intended to keep that promise....because I was a fucking idiot.

When I found out that she was pregnant and that the baby was killing her I thought things through. I decided that Bella's happiness was the most important thing to me. I knew it made me a complete and utter pussy, but it's not like I could get near her to rip the kid out of her. She'd hired Rosalie, the dumb blonde, to be her own personal bodyguard. So Edward and I had banded together…as much as that made me want to vomit…to make sure that Bella made it through the pregnancy.

After the baby had been born Edward was able to change Bella in order to save her life. I figured I had already stuck with her through this much, I might as well still be there for her after her heart stopped beating.

When Bella woke up and saw that I was still around she'd about crapped her sparkly vampire pants. She couldn't believe that I still wanted to be her friend. But I knew that we weren't out of the woods yet. Sam had been on my case about spending so much time with the vampires and refusing to phase and be his little lapdog. I knew he was going to freak when he found out what I had really been up to.

After Leah had finished throwing her little fit, I managed to get Sam to come back to the Cullen's place with me. He, Edward, and I had sat down like grown ups and discussed all of our concerns and redefined the treaty. It was weird being so mature. Of course, there was the one moment at the meeting that Sam pissed me off, so I'd stuck my tongue out at him and called him a butthead. Suppressing the ten-year-old boy with-in was hard.

In the end, Sam decided that Renesmee was not a threat so he and Edward agreed that the pack would honor the treaty…for now. It was the perfect ending that Bella wanted. And I wasn't going to deny her happiness. Even though Edward pissed me off to no end I knew he loved Bella. And Bella loved him. That was enough for me. Kind of.

A scream interrupted my thoughts. Leah sounded like she was being tortured. For a minute no one in the pack knew what to say. We weren't used to hearing Leah crying. She usually just said "fuck" a lot. Out of all of the swear words in the book, "fuck" and "shit" were her favorites.

I felt Sam's panic. _Jacob, how close are you?_

_About to the beach._

We were all running as fast as we could. Leah had chosen a hell of a hiding spot. I don't think any of the pack patrolled around here. I had to hand it to her...she was crafty. But that didn't make me any less infuriated with her. She'd thrown a completely unacceptable temper tantrum and had refused to speak to anyone in the pack for three days. I huffed angrily. She could be so damn stubborn. Maybe she wouldn't get into these situations if she actually listened to others once in a while.

_Wait for me to get there before doing anything too rash._

_Worried about my temper, Sam?_ I laughed caustically.

_Just listen to me,_ Sam ordered.

_Yes, your majesty._ I paused at the trees near the beach. I could smell Leah and the vampire but I still wasn't close enough to see them yet.

_I'm still concerned that she faded from our thoughts. Why did she scream like that, Sam?_ Seth whimpered.

_I don't know._ He wasn't far behind me. Sam stuck his nose in the air. He smelled the bloodsucker, too. How had this leech managed to get through security? Either Paul and Jared were falling down on their jobs or they were just getting lazy in their runs.

I took a few steps towards the empty beach. I could still smell the vampire lurking around. I looked closer and I saw him dragging Leah into the cover of the trees across from where I was standing. It's like he was some pre-historic cave-man dragging his kill home to show his little cave-woman, _"__Err, this make up for Kronk having small penis?__"_

I let out a low growl when the vampire leaned over the unconscious Leah. He brushed her hair away and smelled her neck. I was surprised he wasn't cringing away considering that vampires apparently weren't attracted to us as food because we had dog blood in us.

_Maybe he's Vietnamese. Dogs are a delicacy in Vietnam._ Paul always had some smart-ass remark.

_If he bites her I will rip him a new shithole._ I could feel Seth's anger. It was very rare for him to lose his temper.

I leaned in closer and watched as the vampire played with Leah's hair and laughed maliciously. The rage was boiling in my body. I took a step forward.

_Wait for me and we'll take him on together. __I'm almost there._ Sam assured me. And I could see through his eyes that he was telling the truth, but I had had enough of watching this freak-show mess with her.

_Get the hell away from her._ I lunged forward, alerting the vampire to my presence. He darted into the woods.

_Damn it!_ Sam yelled. He was pissed that the vampire was getting away. _I told you not to act…_ He was just seconds away now.

_Fine, would you have liked me to let him chomp on Seth's sister's neck?_ I snapped at Sam. He thought he knew everything and that really irritated me.

_Thank you for ignoring Sam, Jacob,_ Seth said. _How's my sister?_

I looked at Leah. She was covered in bruises and had several broken bones. She had cuts and scratches all over her arms and legs. I saw fresh blood trailing down her shirt and saw that she had some kind of puncture wound in her shoulder. God, she looked like shit. Basically, it looked like she had jumped out of an airplane without a parachute, landed on the freeway, had been run over by a couple of eighteen-wheelers, and then thrown into the hot baking sun.

He repeated his question,

_Is my sister okay_?

_I'm trying to find that out,_ I frowned. _Leah?_ I nudged her with my nose. Her skin felt incredibly hot. Hotter than it was supposed to be. Something wasn't right. I phased back and put on a pair of sweatpants. Sam was right behind me.

"How far away were Seth and Quil?" I questioned.

"Quil is still with Brady and Collin. He's helping Jared train them. I let them know to be on the look out for the vampire. Jared and Paul will handle the runaway leech...since _someone_ in this pack doesn't know how to follow orders..." He glared at me. So he was blaming me for the vampire getting away. Just like the asshole.

"If I had waited any longer Leah would have been vampire chow..."

"I was almost here, Jacob!" he snarled. He crouched down to look at Leah's wounds.

"Whatever. Where's Embry?" I asked.

"He and Seth are on their way here." Sam leaned down to Leah's face.

If she woke up and saw her ex staring at her in the face she was liable to punch him. If I liked Sam I would have warned him by letting him know that Leah didn't like surprises. Good thing I didn't like him. She was going to be pissed if she woke up with Sam Uley in her lap. She might punch him in the testicles. That was going to be entertaining to see.

"She looks pretty beaten up." I observed her wounds. There was something off about her scent. "She doesn't smell right, Sam." I could feel heat radiating from her body. I felt her forehead and jerked my hand back in shock. Nothing ever felt hot to me. But Leah was on fire. "She's burning up."

"Leah?" Sam placed his hand on Leah's cheek. "Lee-lee?" He shook his head in confusion. Her injuries looked really severe. But since she was still breathing her wounds should be healing themselves. But they weren't. Sam ran his hand over one of her cuts. "Why isn't she healing?" He bit his bottom lip.

"Crap. We've got a bigger problem." I noticed that the vampire hadn't taken off like we'd thought. I guess Leah had been bait. I bet he was planning his next move and plotting to kill us...just like she'd warned us.

Sam snapped up when he saw the vampire lurking in the trees. I don't know why he was still hanging around here. He knew we were going to kill him. What a retarded vampire. I heard Sam growl. It was really menacing. I wasn't used to Sam losing his temper. But I guess if anything was going to set him off, it would be seeing what this leech did to Leah.

Sam started to shake. He looked at Leah.

"Jacob, get her out of here." He ran towards the woods. Wow, Sam was fucking _pissed_. "Take her to Jared's place." His house was right down the road. I found it ironic that Leah was staying out here right under Jared's nose this entire time.

Of course, Jared could barely see past his own nose anymore. Ever since he and Kim moved in together they'd been acting like an old married couple. It was really creepy. They finished each other's sentences and everything. They thought it was cute. But it was really pathetic. The guys who had imprinted were hypnotized morons. I got tired of constantly seeing their freaking "shining stars" painted in their thoughts all the time.

Maybe I was just bitter because I didn't have anyone. Without Bella in the picture now, I was certain I was going to end up miserable and alone. Wait a minute. _Epiphany_! That's why Leah was so hateful all the time. Sam was her Bella. And when he disappeared she saw her future vanish as well. I could have smacked myself. _Duh, Jacob._

"You do realize that Jared's not home?" I questioned as Sam bolted away from us. Of course he wasn't home. We had just left his thoughts two seconds ago.

"Jacob, go!" he ordered.

"Yeah, but what about…" He didn't even let me finish my statement as he phased and head-butted the leech head on. I rolled my eyes as I watched them roll into the woods. "Fine. You want to fight him alone, be my guest," I mumbled. I was a little disappointed that my orders weren't "help me kick this dickhead's ass." I was really in the mood to fight, not babysit injured dogs.

I immediately felt bad for resenting to have to take care of Leah. All I had to do was think about Seth and how much he loved his sister and that was enough incentive for me to want to give her the best care possible. Besides, Leah deserved someone to give a crap about her.

I picked her up and started to jog. It didn't take me long to get to Jared's place. As I suspected, no one was home. We knew Jared was out running. And Kim was visiting her cousin for the weekend. I found the spare key hidden under the mat and rolled my eyes.

"Rookie mistake, Jared." He really should invest in a fake rock or plastic dog poop to better hide his spare key. "How about you just leave a giant sign on your front door with an arrow pointing down 'Key to house is here. And a big wad of cash is in the safe in the bedroom?'" I muttered sarcastically.

Once I got Leah inside I laid her down on the couch. I looked around the living room. There were pictures of Jared and Kim all over the place. It was kind of sickening. He drooled all over her like some love-sick puppy. I kind of agreed with Leah about the whole "imprinting" thing. It was really stupid. I remember how Leah had described how she felt about it after finding out that Paul had imprinted on my sister. I clutched my fist tightly. That still pissed me off. Paul and my sister. It's too bad my dad hadn't chased him off with a shotgun. I started bitching to Leah about how much I hated imprinting. I figured she'd see it my way. She did.

"It's stupid," she agreed. "If you think about it it's kind of a punishment."

"How so?"

"_I'd like to sign up to give my free-will away and become a love-slut-slave for all eternity,_" she said mockingly. She rolled her eyes and laughed. "I can just see Paul holding Rachel's purse in the women's shoe department while she's trying on 800 different pairs of shoes…that she will use _his_ money to buy." She then pranced around the living room doing her best impression of Paul trying to navigate his way through shopping with Rachel.

I chuckled at that memory. Leah could be pretty funny when she wasn't busy being a bitch. But I'd always known that her tough outer shell was just her way of protecting herself. She'd been hurt a lot in her life. And because of that she pushed everyone away. I could relate. I'd taken off after Bella chose Edward last year. The rest of the pack kept trying to bullshit me, telling me that they knew how I felt. In truth, Leah is the _only_ one who knew what I was going through. She'd been through it with Sam. She used her anger to channel her pain and because of that she was able to listen to Sam on a daily basis and suck it up. Her strength really was nothing short of amazing.

Last year when I took off after I found out about Bella and Edward's wedding the entire pack kept begging me to come back. I ignored them as I ran to Canada. I ran from my problems...just like any other chicken-shit would. The further I ran, the more the pack begged me to come back. But not Leah. She was the only one who didn't try to guilt me into coming home. At first I thought it was just because she didn't like me.

But one day when it was just me and her running as wolves I had an interesting conversation with her.

_Are you enjoying the moose and legal hash up north?_

I had been ignoring everyone in the pack, but for some reason I felt compelled to answer her.

_They both taste funny,_ I'd quipped.

_Ah ha, so you aren't deaf. The pack was starting to think you couldn't hear them anymore._

There was a pause.

_So, why are you the only one running?_ I'd asked.

_Because I want to be,_ she said. _Running helps me work out my issues._

_You must run a lot, because you have a lot of issues._

_Look who's talking._

_Touche._ It was nice that Leah wasn't pressuring me to come back. Of course, she was probably glad to be rid of me. We fought all of the time. She heard my thoughts.

_We fight because we're the same, Jacob,_ she'd sighed. _I get why you ran off. It's easier than dealing with the pain. So just work through whatever issues you've got going on and if you decide to come back, great._ She stated it in such a way that didn't make me feel pressured.

_And if I don't?_ I had questioned.

_Then I'll just have to find some way to torture you from afar._ She paused to think. _Maybe I'll run away, too. We can be like Bonnie and Clyde._

_You want to commit armed robbery?_

_Maybe. I have some anger issues I need to work through,_ she admitted.

_You don't say?_ I gasped sarcastically.

We quipped back and forth for a good ten minutes before it grew silent again. I felt compelled to thank her for not ragging the hell out of me like everyone else.

_Hey, thanks for understanding._

_Us screwed up folks have to stick together._ Leah laughed softly.

_Why aren't you begging me to come back like everyone else?_ My curiosity got the better of me.

_Because you aren't ready to come back. And it's selfish to ask you to do something that you don't want to do,_ she answered honestly. _Besides, Sam is uncomfortable and that makes me happy._

I laughed. _Glad I could make your situation a little easier._

_Just come back when you're ready, Jake._

I got the distinct feeling that day that Leah cared about me more than she was letting on.

I heard her groan. When I looked at her, I saw that her eyes were half open. She was glancing around the room.

"Jacob?" Her words were muffled.

"Hey, you aren't dead." I smiled.

"Ow. Jesus." She winced. "It burns." She inhaled sharply and let out a cry. I cringed when I heard her cry. Leah _never_ cried. Usually when she was in pain she cussed like hell. So she must be _beyond_ pain. I saw her shaking from her anguish. She tensed up as she let out a howl. "Make…it…stop," she panted.

I swallowed a knot in my throat and my heart fluttered. This was worse than Sam and I thought. "Lee…what is it? What's wrong?" What a stupid question. Every freaking bone in her body was broken and she had a giant hole in her shoulder. Of course she was in pain. But I still couldn't understand why she wasn't healing.

"Jake, I can't breathe." She gasped as she grabbed my hand tightly. I wiped some sweat from her forehead, but she just kept perspiring. At this rate she was going to die of dehydration.

"Slow, easy breaths, Leah."

She inhaled sharply again. "Tell my mom and Seth that I love them." Her breathing became labored again so I was having a hard time understanding her. I think she muttered something about kicking Sam in the balls. But after that the only words I could make out were, "It. Fucking. Hurts."

Her shoulders tensed and she arched her back. I had never seen her in such agony. The sweat was pouring out of her now. I concentrated on her heart rate. It was way too fast. I could hear it thudding heavily as her breathing increased.

Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling as she started to thrash about like she was having a seizure. I grabbed her wrists to try and hold her down to keep her steady. I grimaced when I felt her broken fingers grinding together.

As I felt her wrists tense up underneath my hands I suddenly had an odd flashback. The memory popped into my head for no reason. It was the first time I'd noticed a scar on Bella's arm. When I had asked her about it, at first she'd shied away, but eventually she admitted that she was bitten by a vampire. I remember cringing when she'd explained to me that Edward had saved her by sucking the venom out of her body. Bella told me how much the venom hurt and how her body had thrashed around from the pain.

Then it hit me. My brain was trying to tell me something. I suddenly realized that Leah's excruciating pain had nothing to do with the fact that the vampire had beaten the crap out of her. Something worse had happened. She _wasn't_ healing for a reason.

I let go of her wrists as I started scanning her body for bites. I ran my hands down her neck, shoulders, and arms. I think I felt a broken bone in her arm. I touched it delicately and she groaned uncomfortably.

"Sorry, Leah," I said softly as I continued to search her body. I knew the bite as soon as my hands ran across the cool portion of her ankle. I wanted to kick myself for not thinking of it sooner. Of course we wouldn't have seen it since it was covered by her pants, but Sam and I knew something was off when we first found her. I was furious. That son of a bitch bit her.

I felt panic building in my throat. Vampire venom was toxic to werewolves. I was watching Leah die.

I listened as her pulse continued to increase. In the quiet room all I could hear was Leah's heart.

Her eyes fluttered shut as she let out another pained gasp. Then...the room was completely silent.


	4. Saving lives is hard

**Some fun gross knowledge: The Yorkie story in this chapter is based on true events. Needless to say absolutely nothing in my life grosses me out anymore. That show _Fear Factor_ has nothing on me. Ah, the joys that come with working with animals...**

**And yes, my friends still tease the hell out of me for it. And like Jacob, all I can do is laugh about it. A sense of humor will get you through any situation.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 4:**

**Saving lives is hard**

My brain kicked into high gear. I seemed to recall Bella saying that Edward was able to suck the venom out of her after she had been bitten. Would it work the same way for werewolves or had the venom already done too much damage? I thought I remembered something one of the vampires had said about how no werewolf had ever survived a vampire bite. But I wasn't ready to give up on Leah yet.

I shook my head.

"You're not going out like this." I leaned forward and pumped Leah's chest a few times. I don't know if I was helping or hurting. Technically, with her heart beating, the venom was going to keep spreading. But if I didn't get it beating again then she was going to die. Decisions, decisions.

I heard a very weak pulse in her chest and breathed a sigh of relief. But this nightmare wasn't over yet.

I looked at the angry bite on Leah's ankle and decided that it was worth a shot. I placed my lips around the bite and tenderly tried to draw out the poison that was killing her. I spit the first mouthful of blood out. I had to remember that this stuff could kill me, too, if I wasn't careful. This whole sucking blood thing was really disturbing. I didn't know how Bella and her family could do this. It was like sticking a wad of pennies in your mouth...covered in blood.

I gagged as I spit out some of the junk in my mouth.

"Ugh. Gross." I was being such a baby about this. I needed to just toughen up and do what needed to be done. I tried not to focus on the fact that I was slobbering all over Leah's leg as I sucked her blood like a freakin' flea on a dog. _You've had worse stuff in your mouth._ I told myself. _Remember the Yorkie shit when you were nine_? I focused on a time in which one of my friend's dogs had crapped in my mouth when I was sleeping over at his house. I don't know how I managed not to vomit. I did scrub the hell out of my mouth. But all I could do at that point was laugh.

"_Ha, I'm a potty mouth...literally._"

To which my friend had replied, "_Ugh, Jacob, brush your teeth. Your breath smells like ass._"

At least I could take comfort in the fact that if any of my friends complained of having a bad day, I could totally one up them.

"_Aw, you stubbed your toe? Well, I've had Yorkie shit in my mouth..._"

When I repositioned Leah's ankle I realized that her foot was broken. She was in much worse shape than Sam and I had realized. We knew that she was hurt, but I don't think either of us realized just how bad it was. My face burned with anger. I really hoped that Sam had made the vampire suffer. If it had been up to me I would have pulled the leech apart bit by bit, joint by joint. I would have ripped every limb from his body and then forced him to eat himself. I would've loved to have seen the look on his face when I shoved his fingers and toes into his mouth one at a time. Then I would have set him on fire with his head still attached to his body so he could feel the flames licking at his neck. I grinned maliciously as I pictured slamming his flaming head onto a spear and beating his face into the ground while his flesh melted away. I shook my head. _Violence later. Save Leah now._

I concentrated on keeping Leah breathing. Her heart rate was dangerously low. The venom was working its way through her body. When I put my mouth against the bite again, she cried in her unconsciousness. I hated to think that I might really be hurting her. I didn't like to see her suffering, but I mumbled to myself, "Pain is better than no heartbeat."

"Just hang on," I begged her. I cringed when I tasted the blood in my mouth again. This was possibly the most disgusting thing that I had ever done. If Leah made it through this she owed me big time. "This better work." Because if I was sucking her blood for no reason I was going to be pissed. Plus, I really wanted her to live.

I did my best to entice her the only way I knew how.

"Come on. Don't you want me to rub it in your face that I saved your life?" _Again._ This wasn't the first time I'd bailed Leah out. When we fought with Victoria's army Leah tried to battle a newborn by herself. Turns out the newborn had a little friend hiding in the bushes. Newborn vampires are retarded but these two had managed to work together to set Leah up.

I think on some level she knew how dangerous it was. But she had always been kind of reckless. It's fortunate that I had been there to bear the brunt of the hit because if the leech had gotten his hands on her she wouldn't have seen it coming and she probably would have been killed.

It was too much for me to ask her to thank me. I knew she felt bad that I had been injured, but she refused to ever acknowledge that I'd saved her. I think it pissed her off. Girls drove me crazy with their nutjob emotions.

"Jacob, I didn't ask for your help," she'd snarled at me once my pain meds had worn off.

"You're welcome," I'd muttered back sarcastically.

"I could have handled it. I don't need protecting. I'm not some idiot damsel in distress," she huffed. "I'm not Bella Swan!"

That pissed me off. I was still vulnerable because only moments before she'd burst into my room to tell me off Bella had come by to visit me. It was more or less her way of letting me go, telling me that she was choosing Edward. If I hadn't been so stoned on pain meds I might have broken my headboard in frustration when Bella told me she loved me, but that she loved Edward more. Just what _every_ guy wants to hear. _Let's still be friends._

In a way, fighting with Leah that day helped me release some of my tension. We had a way of feeding off of each other's rage. Besides, I was kind of glad that Leah wasn't treating me like a puppy with a broken leg.

I'd snarled at Leah, "Yeah, I know. Bella's not completely insane." Of course, had I known that Bella was going to push herself to the brink of death just to have some vampire's kid, I probably wouldn't have been so confident about that statement.

"You are such a jerk."

"And you're a nutcase."

"Do me a favor. The next time you get the urge to help me, _don't_." She stormed out of my room. After a few seconds had passed she stormed back in and threw a handheld video game at me. Her anger hadn't let up, but she sounded sincere when she apologized for my injuries. "I _am_ sorry that you're in pain…even if it is your own damn fault."

"That's a hell of an apology." I had rolled my eyes as I picked up the game. "What's this for?"

"I hear you're on bed-rest for a few days. And I know that puny little mind of yours is going to run out of things to do after about five minutes," she'd said. "I stole it from Seth. He doesn't need it rotting his brain anyway. But you? You're a lost cause. Enjoy." She'd stormed out again.

If she was conscious and she knew that I was helping her again she would be so pissed off. Truth be told, I was really hoping she would wake up and start beating me over the head and yelling at me to leave her alone.

My tongue had started to go numb from the mixture of venom and blood in my mouth. But I pushed myself to continue. _Numb is good. Means you can't taste how nasty this shit is_.

The door opened behind me. I could tell who it was before I even turned around. Seth's nerves were easy to decipher. Sam was trying to keep him calm. But the moment he saw Leah squirming in pain on the couch he lost it to his nerves as well.

"Jacob?" Sam gasped in shock.

"What the hell are you doing to my sister?" Seth's voice bellowed. He sounded angry.

I looked over at him and realized that from his point of view all he could see was me sucking on his sister's foot.

"No. This is _not_ what it looks like." I was horrified. Seth and Sam thought I was in here getting ready to lick honey off of Leah's toes or some sort of weird sexual thing. I quickly let them know that wasn't the case. "I'm sucking the juices out." Crap. Well, that really hadn't come out right.

"What!?" Sam was infuriated now.

"We'd be doing the same thing if a snake had bitten her."

"You better keep your _snake_ in your pants, Jake. If I find out you've been messing with my sister…" Seth's hands were trembling.

Was there a wall that I could slam my head through at the moment? I felt like such an idiot. I just continued to drink Leah's oh, so lovely, bitter blood.

"Ugh. This is possibly the grossest thing I've ever done," I stupidly said outloud.

Seth and Sam both snarled at me.

"Today sucks. I'm going to have to kill you now." Seth was being _really_ protective of his sister. It was sweet, but Leah wouldn't like it. She loved her brother, but if she knew that he was trying to defend her honor she'd probably spit at him and tell him to mind his own damn business.

I took a moment to throw the best explanation I could muster with my mouth full of blood. "Relax, I'm trying to save her life." I finally found my functioning brain. "The vampire bit her. I'm trying to get the venom out."

"What?" Sam asked, now in a softer tone.

"We missed it back at the beach." I spit another clot of blood out. Jared was going to strangle me for getting blood and vampire venom all over his living room floor.

Sam felt Leah's forehead once again. I could tell by the way he pulled away that she was still over-heated. Her heart was barely beating at all. It had gone from over-drive like it was on coffee and crack to barely beating at all.

"You're certain she was bitten?" he questioned.

"No, Sam. I spend all of my free time sucking blood from body appendages…just for fun," I snapped sarcastically.

"Is that why she hasn't healed?" Sam asked.

"That would be my best guess." I shrugged.

"Damn it. I should have seen it. I should have known..." Sam sighed.

As much of an ass as Sam could be, I knew this wasn't his fault.

"Hey man, hindsight is twenty-twenty. It's not like she was conscious to tell us that the leech sunk his teeth into her."

"What do we do?" Seth asked.

"What the hell do you think I'm sucking her blood for?" I snapped. I didn't mean to be snappy with him. I was just utterly grossed out that _this_ was what I had to do to save Leah's life. There were so many other ways to prove that you cared about someone. Why couldn't I have just jumped in front of a bullet for her or something? That would've been a hell of a lot easier.

"She's so hot." Seth sat down next to his sister. He felt her face. Unlike Sam and I, he didn't pull his hand away. He took a moment to think. "The venom is burning her from the inside out. It's killing her," he whimpered. Poor kid. He'd lost his dad a little over a year ago and now his sister was knocking on death's door.

I saw a glass of water sitting on the table next to me. With my luck it was probably crawling with Jared's spit germs or some bacteria like Giardia but I really needed to wash my mouth out.

Sam saw me grab the glass and gulp the water. I leaned forward to continue feasting on Leah's…_cringe…_blood.

"You've done enough, Jacob." Sam stopped me. "We've got to get her to a hospital." He felt her pulse. It was still slow, but at least she still _had_ a pulse.

"And tell them what? They need to suck vampire venom out of her system?" I asked sarcastically. "The doctors will throw us in the loony bin with Britney Spears and Paula Abdul." Not that I would mind. They were both hot. But with my luck I'd get thrown in with the loopy ex-American Idol judge yacking and giggling, telling Simon Cowell to stop touching her.

I had only watched American Idol a few times because my sister made me. I thought Paula Abdul had been the most entertaining thing about that Karaoke contest. I loved seeing her dance with no rhythm and clap like a walrus stuttering out _"You…move…me…"_

I bet the producers of that show had some great video footage of Paula giggling like a school-girl. There were nights that I cursed Rachel for forcing me to watch a bunch of broadway singers trying to belt out Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson. But it was worth it just to hear some of the shit that came out of that crazy bitch's mouth.

_"Simon…no…stop touching me…*snort*…He keeps tickling me under the table! Hee hee, no…stop! *giggle*."_

Some sound guy would walk in and see her sitting all by herself on the panel snorting to herself and an imaginary Simon. The poor sound guy would be like, _"Should we tell her the show's been over for two hours?"_

_"Naw man, just give her something shiny to stare at and put her on a bus home."_

"I don't want to watch my sister die," Seth choked out.

"She's not going to die." The words came out stronger than I'd intended them to. I think I was trying to force myself to believe it.

"She will if we don't get her to a hospital." Sometimes Sam could be such a cold SOB. I looked at him and saw that he was in shock. I guess I could let him get away with that comment. I know he still loved Leah. Watching her crash was killing the last two brain cells he still had.

"How is the hospital going to help?" I questioned. "They can't fight vampire venom." I could just see the doctors running around trying to diagnose something they had never seen before. Treating a werewolf would probably send their puny little minds into overdrive.

_"Oh, God! I don't know what to do! Someone call 'House!__'__"_ Now _that_ was a TV show that I could get in to. A cold heartless bastard that ate a bunch of pain pills and spouted off smartass comments at his staff and patients.

"Well, we've got to do something. It's not like we're equipped to do blood transfusions in Jared's living room." Sam frowned.

"You're the one who told me to bring her here!" I snapped.

"We needed to get her someplace safe."

"And Jared's crapshack is the first place you could think of?"

"It was closest to where we were," Sam said calmly. "And now we need to get her somewhere so she can be stabilized."

"And the doctors at the hospital can do what for her exactly? They wouldn't know how to treat her, Sam. She's a _werewolf._" I reminded him.

"Carlisle." Seth pulled his hand away from Leah's face. Sam and I both looked at him. That actually wasn't a bad idea. If my mind wasn't such a mess maybe I would have thought of that myself. Even though Leah wouldn't like the idea of being treated by a vampire doctor, he might be able to save her.

And he would be more than willing to help. I had never seen Carlisle turn someone in need away. That's one of the things that made him impossible to hate. When I'd been hurt last year he had jumped in very quickly to help me. Of course, I was skeptical at first. But he pumped me full of so many pain medications that I got to the point where I didn't care. He could have done a rectal on me with his frozen fingers and I probably would have just laughed the entire time.

Sam quickly rejected the idea of asking Carlisle for help. "We're not asking a vampire for help. It was one of their kind that did this to her in the first place," Sam snarled.

"You know as well as I do that they aren't like other vampires." I never thought I would be defending the Cullens, but I'd made that stupid promise to Bella. And she was one of them now. They were her family.

"That doesn't mean that I trust them enough to…" He looked at Leah. I knew the rest of the statement was, "_put Leah's life in their cold dead hands._"

"She's dying, Sam," Seth snapped. "I'm calling Carlisle." He rushed to the phone.

"He's right. Don't let your superstitious beliefs be what kills Leah."

Though I could see Sam's hesitation at letting Carlisle Cullen help us, he didn't stop Seth from dialing the phone.

"Edward?" So, Mr. My-hair-is-so-perfect had been the one to pick up. "Leah's hurt really bad. I need to talk to Carlisle." There was a pause, and then Seth let out a soft laugh. "No. She has no clue we're calling you for help. She'd kill me if she did."

I chuckled. Seth was right. If Leah knew that we were calling in the vampires for back-up she would tear all of our dicks off. I felt like I should get a cup or something for protection, because there was no guarantee that she wouldn't do that when she woke up. I lowered my hands protectively in front of my crotch. My poor balls.

Seth chattered nervously on the phone for a few minutes.

I looked at Leah's injuries. I ran my fingers across where the leech had bitten her and a growl escaped my lips.

"Tell me you got the bastard."

"He was shredded before Seth and Embry got there," Sam nodded. "I left Embry to take care of the remains."

"I hope he reassembles him and rips him apart again," I growled. "You better have made him suffer."

"I would assume that getting your genitalia ripped off by a werewolf is quite painful," Sam nodded.

I laughed. So he went Lorena Bobbit on the leech's ass. Excellent.

He shook his head. "Even after I had him disassembled I was still clawing at his face. Paul and Jared had to talk me down."

Paul had been the one to bring Sam back from his anger? That was scary. It's like the incredibly pissed off blind leading the _more_ incredibly pissed off blind.

"It was only after Embry and Seth arrived that I came out of my trance," Sam admitted.

"And I thought _I_ had anger issues," I muttered darkly. It was probably a good thing that Sam had been the one to fight the vampire. I would have gone _Saw_ on his ass. Old school torture.

_"How about we play a game called 'my teeth in your ass?__'__"_ I had to close my eyes to stop my hands from shaking. I took in a relaxing breath and pictured Embry burning the vampire one body part at a time.

"This isn't looking very good," Sam sighed.

"I've seen her pull through worse." Not physically. This is the first time I had ever seen Leah so beaten up. But when Sam had broken her heart I saw her get through that. She had been so devastated. Seth was worried that she would never come back from it. But Leah was strong. Unlike all of the other crybabies in the world, Leah refused to give in to her despair. Instead of getting all depressed and threatening to swallow a bunch of pills, she had been able to rise above it…and turned mean as a snake. I sighed. Where was that fight now?

"Okay." Seth walked back into the living room as he hung up the phone. "We need to get her to the mansion."

"Why can't he come here?" Sam asked. Was he really afraid of going to the Cullen's house? "Since she isn't healing I don't know if we should keep moving her."

"Carlisle says he could better treat her at his house or the hospital," Seth explained. Instead of Carlisle making a house call like he'd done when I had been injured, it looked like we were going to have to go to him. We just had to make a choice. The Leech Manor? Or Hospital of Doom?

Great. Two places that Leah hated. No matter where we decided to take her...she was going to kill us.

"Let's just go to the mansion and see what Carlisle suggests that we do." I stood up.

"It's an awfully long way to run with her in the shape that she's in." Sam frowned.

"I know you spend a lot of time running as a wolf...but there's this thing called a car…" I saw Sam shoot me an irritated glance. I was used to that. My smart mouth got me in trouble a lot.

"And what do you suggest we do, Jacob? Duct tape her to the back of your motorcycle?" Sam rolled his eyes.

My lips twitched into a smile. "It'd get her heart-rate up." Sam was going to deck me for that. "We'll just take Jared's car."

"Let's think this through…" Sam held his hand up.

"No, we're done doing things your way." I stood up to Sam. I was so tired of taking orders from him.

"She would be better off at a hospital with a _real_ doctor."

"Carlisle _is_ a real doctor. He was operating on war vets while all of the physicians in the hospital were still in diapers. Plus he knows our genetics. He treated me."

"It's not good enough."

"It was for me."

"But not for her." Sam looked like he regretted letting that comment slip. Sam and I were nose to nose, both of our hands trembling. This was about more than Leah. Sam was looking at this as some kind of challenge. It was always about being "top dog" with him. I was so sick of him strutting around like he owned us.

"Hey, would you two shut up and cut this crap out?" Seth snapped. "This isn't about which one of you has the bigger dick. This is about Leah and what's best for her!"

"Seth's right." I backed off immediately.

Sam nodded in agreement. "I'll drive."

_Dick._ I muttered in thought. That was just one more thing he wanted to be in control of.

I knew Sam must be going crazy. He was such a control freak. And this was a situation that he couldn't control. If I thought it would help I would _gladly_ let Sam control the situation. Because I knew that if he got his way Leah would live.

As we readied Jared's car, I had to hope that Leah was strong enough to pull through this. She'd been a fighter her whole life. She never gave up.

After her dad died I remember Sam assuring the pack that she would get through it. _She's strong. She can get through anything._

I sighed. That's what I was banking on.


	5. If she doesn’t die, she'll kill us

**Chapter 5:**

**If she doesn't die, she's going to kill us**

I gently picked Leah up so we could transfer her to Jared's car. I saw Sam glare at me. I think he wanted to be the one carrying her. I think if given the choice between me and Sam, Leah would choose me. Or…she'd probably have some smartass remark like, _"You or Sam? Can't I just die? You've given me an impossible choice here."_

"Carefully, Jacob." Sam spoke to me like I was a kid that was playing too rough with a new kitten or something.

"I know what I'm doing, Sam." I rolled my eyes. Transporting an injured person wasn't rocket-science.

Seth opened the door to Jared's car. I was starting to have my doubts about hijacking this crappy piece of machinery. It'd probably just break down at the end of the driveway. We'd chosen a hell of an ambulance.

"How fast can this piece of crap go?" I hadn't realized that Jared's car was this old, beat up thing. I think it had like thirty different car parts in it.

"It doesn't look like much, but it'll get us there." Sam jumped in the driver's seat. We laid a blanket down for Leah in the backseat. Seth climbed in the back and pulled her head into his lap.

I had to say...I was impressed that Jared's shitty car could go as fast as it did. With Sam driving like a lunatic it didn't take us long to reach the mansion. Leah wasn't any better, but she wasn't any worse.

"I'm still not sure about this," Sam said warily.

"Do you have a better idea?" Seth snapped.

Wow, when had Seth grown into his testicles? Was he really snapping at our Alpha? I knew Sam would let it go because Seth was freaking out about his sister. Maybe now would be a good time to give Sam hell. Because I could always blame my short temper on the fact that Leah was dying.

_"I'm sorry, Sam. I know I shouldn't have called you a dick-sucking douchebag, but I'm just so concerned about Leah."_

We could smell the vampires as we got closer to the mansion. Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us outside. I saw Sam tense up as they approached the car.

Seth put his hand on Sam's shoulder to calm him. "They'll take care of her. She's going to be okay, Sam." Seth's mood swings were less predictable than a menopausal old woman.

I looked back at Leah. The fever was burning through her very rapidly. Sam went to talk to Carlisle while Seth and I got Leah out of the car.

If she knew that we were carrying her around like she was some kind of princess she would have something to say about that. Leah hated being waited on hand and foot. She always believed that people should independently work towards something they wanted. She also just hated being doted on. When I was younger I'd once made the mistake of giving her a cupcake on her birthday. She'd smashed it into my head. It took me two hours to get all of the frosting and crumbs out of my hair. And my dad hadn't made the situation any easier as he laughed until he was red in the face.

"I told ya not to mess with Leah Clearwater, son."

"I was just trying to be nice. Why did she freak out so much?" I'd pouted as I rubbed a towel across my damp hair.

"Welcome to the world of women." My old man had never been much help as I was growing up. He spent most of his time laughing his ass off at me.

As I shifted Leah in my arms, she whimpered and her face tensed up.

"Carlisle is going to help you, Leah," Seth said soothingly.

I wanted to say, _Shhh, don't tell her that. She'll wake up and kill us all_. But that's what I wanted. I wanted her to wake up and rip my hair out of my skull.

I leaned Leah against my chest. Her cheek nearly burned my flesh.

"We've got to do something about this fever or her skin is going to burst into flames," I sighed.

I walked over to where Carlisle and Sam were talking. I heard a few medical words being thrown about here and there. The only thing I understood was, "we need to bring the fever down." Uh, hadn't I just said that? They continued to speak "doctor"…a language that I was convinced was harder to learn than Chinese. The rest of the conversation was just a bunch of long drawn-out medical terms that I didn't understand.

We got her inside and Carlisle immediately started to assess her injuries. He murmured things to himself as he looked at Leah's broken mangled body. When he listened to her heart we could see the alarm in his face.

Carlisle glanced at her and pushed his lips together in concern.

"How long ago was she bitten?"

"We're not sure," I said with a frown. I was still kicking myself for not catching the bite earlier. "Maybe half an hour ago?"

"Is it too late to reverse the effects of the venom?" Seth leaned forward nervously. "I mean, can it be done? You can help her...right, Carlisle?"

"I'm going to do everything I can, Seth," Carlisle said reassuringly, although he did calmly explain that this was something he'd never been faced with before. Leah was going to be one for the medical books if she survived. A werewolf surviving vampire venom would make a hell of a story for Carlisle to tell his doctor buddies. I could see him and his surgery friends sitting at a bar after a long day at the office.

_"I successfully reattached a car crash victim's arm while simultaneously saving his kid from massive internal bleeding…"_

_"Oh, yeah? Well I saved a werewolf from a vampire bite. Top THAT."_ That oughta get him a round of beers.

Edward and Bella were easing themselves into the room. They were trying not to overcrowd Sam. Seth and I had been here before and we were used to the vampires. Sam did not like being vulnerable in front of them. He was such a sissy.

"Will that work?" Edward responded to something Carlisle had thought to himself.

"I'm not sure." Carlisle shook his head. We looked at him to explain what he meant. He obliged. "We can treat her with IV fluids and hope that flushes out her system." He glanced at me. "Jacob, you did exactly what should have been done. Your quick thinking might have saved her life."

Huh, so panicking _did_ work in some situations. Because all my brain thought when Leah crashed was o_h shit, oh shit, oh shit. _The rest of my actions were based on pure adrenaline.

"Alright, Jake." I heard Bella's meek approval a few feet behind me. It was still too early for approvals in my opinion. I wasn't going to pat myself on the back until Leah was conscious and screaming at us for bringing her to a vampire to treat her.

Carlisle and Esme ran off to get the medical supplies they needed…that they apparently stored here at the house. That might be a bit odd to talk about if Carlisle ever had any of his coworkers over for dinner. That probably wouldn't go well.

_"Hey, Carlisle...isn't that our X-Ray machine?"_

"_Uh, yeah. I borrowed it."_

_"Uh huh. And why do you have a closet stocked full of bags of blood?"_

_"My family has a blood clotting disorder. And we're all…uh…anemic."_

_"Great. Can you explain the surgery table in your spare bedroom?"_

_"I could, but you wouldn't believe me."_

_"Jeeze, man...I just steal Jello and toilet paper. You're a total klepto!"_

_"Nonsense. Look into my beautiful eyes and fall under my hypnotizing spell. That's it. Yep. Just smile and nod."_

They got Leah set up in the spare bedroom. Why did vampires even have a spare bedroom? It's not like they slept. Did they just go out randomly offering homeless people a bed to sleep in? A light bulb went off in my head. This must have been for Bella when she was human. She stayed over here a lot before she was turned. I just crashed on the couch when I stayed here when Bella was going through her transformation. If I had known there was a bedroom…

I looked at the pink walls. Eh, the couch wasn't so bad.

But it was nice that this was set up, especially for Leah's sake. I guess it was better than having to wait on a bed at the emergency room. Public health care really sucked today. If we had taken her the hospital she probably would have died in the waiting room. I swear, it was worse than the DMV.

_"My friend is really sick! She needs immediate attention!"_

_"Take a number, please. She'll have to die in the order in which the numbers are called."_

Carlisle got everything ready to put an IV catheter in Leah's arm. I saw Sam cringe away. He excused himself and shuffled towards the doorway. The guy fought vampires for a living, but he was scared of a little needle? Pussy.

Carlisle had the catheter in before Sam got to the hallway. Damn, he was fast at that. I'd barely blinked and he had the thing taped in and the fluids hooked up. He'd probably done this so many times that he could do it with his eyes closed. It must be cool to be able to perfect everything you do. I had to wonder if he ever challenged his coworkers just to con them out of their money. I gasped. _That's_ why the Cullens were so rich! I could see Carlisle in the hallway of the hospital placing bets.

_"Bet you five-hundred bucks that I can sew this guy's arm back on before you reattach your guy's leg…"_

If I were a doctor I'd never get any work done. I had the attention span of a Golden Retriever puppy. There was just too much stuff to get into at the hospital. I'd be too busy flying down the hallway on IV poles and climbing into a storage unit in the morgue. It would be so much fun to freak people out by hiding in the drawers where they kept the dead bodies and jumping out and screaming "Boo!" I'm sure the coroner would hate my guts.

Carlisle continued to work rapidly. He was able to stop the bleeding from Leah's shoulder. I watched as he stitched her up. He was really good at it. I bet he would knit a hell of a sweater. I don't think it had even been twenty minutes before he had most of Leah's broken bones wrapped lightly in support bandages.

I saw Rosalie appear in the doorway with Renesmee in her arms. She scoffed.

"Since when are we an animal hospital?"

"Rose." Bella shushed her. If Bella didn't get that blonde bitch out of my sight in the next ten seconds I was going to rip her head off.

I heard Renesmee coo. Bella's kid was growing at an unnatural rate. She was only a few days old and she looked like she was a couple months old. She was holding her head up like a pro, and she was already flushing the toilet at a fifth grade level.

Bella took Renesmee from Rosalie. I could see her twisting around in her mother's arms trying to get a good look at what was going on in the room. Renesmee grunted and I glanced at her. She smiled at me and waved. It was eerie that she could do that, but I had to admit...she _was_ kind of cute.

"Hey, Ness." I waved back to her.

"I think she wants to see you, Jake." Bella inched forward.

I never would've thought that I'd be comfortable holding a baby, but Nessie was so good at making people feel at ease. I remember the first time I'd called Renesmee "Nessie."

Bella had glared at me. "What did you call my daughter?"

"Three syllables is too long. Nessie fits her better."

"So my child is going to be subjected to being teased on the playground because you're a lazy dog that doesn't want to say an extra syllable?"

"You named her," I'd said with a shrug.

She'd punched me and had nearly broken my shoulder.

I took Renesmee from her mother and she immediately put her hands on my neck. She'd been born with a talent, like every other vampire in this family. Nessie spoke through images by touching people. She looked at Leah and was asking all kinds of questions.

I didn't really know how to answer. Nessie had heard me talk about Leah and the pack before. She was interested to finally meet her. The pictures she had forming in my mind were asking very elaborate questions.

_Is she going to be okay?_

I wish I knew the answer to that. I sighed, "I hope."

Nessie continued to ask questions. I just stuttered out two word responses. We watched as Carlisle worked on setting Leah's bones. I cringed every time I heard one pop.

Seth never left his sister's side. I did see him wince when Carlisle adjusted Leah's broken foot. She groaned uncomfortably. Surprisingly, Esme was the one to speak up about Leah's cry.

"Carlisle, you gave her something for pain, right?"

"Demerol," Carlisle nodded. _Not that it's going to do much good._ I knew he had to be thinking it.

Nessie leaned forward curiously and then put her hands on my neck. An image of me watching Leah laying in the bed in front of us flashed across my mind. This time Nessie didn't ask a question.

_You love her._ It was a very matter-of-fact statement.

I stupidly answered out loud, "Of course. She's part of my pack."

_It's more than that._

And that's where I drew the line. Discussing love with a week old vampire baby was just creepy. Edward read my mind. It was annoying that he could do that, but I was thankful at the moment. He took Nessie from me.

"It's time to eat, Love." He doted on his daughter.

_Yeah, enjoy your bottle of blood,_ I shrugged. I saw Edward glare back at me. Shit, I hated that mind-reading thing. But the statement was true. Nessie didn't really like human food all that much. I'd found that out after she'd spit up her baby formula all over me twelve hours after she had been born. Because she was half vampire she craved blood over breast-milk. Of course, it's not like Bella's boobs could lactate anymore. I shook my head. I was picturing Bella nursing her child? What the hell was wrong with me? _Boobs are for playing with, not for food!_

Edward was still staring at me. _Dude, I can't help it. I'm a guy._ He rolled his eyes and walked out of the room. Rosalie skipped along behind him. Just because the blonde couldn't have kids she was doting all over Nessie. The kid was going to have two moms. I paused to think about that statement. _Bella and Rosalie as lesbians? Hmmm. Oh my God, I fucking hate hormones._

My idiotic teenage brain shut down the testosterone driven part of my mind when I glanced at Leah again. I sighed. She still didn't look any better. I wanted to ask Carlisle how long it would be before we knew anything, but I didn't want to be one of those little annoying pests that asks a question every two seconds. It'd be like a kid in the back of a car: "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

Sam apparently had no problem pestering Carlisle.

"Why haven't the fluids helped yet?"

_Because she's only been getting fluids for like three minutes, jackass._ I glanced at him with a confused look on my face.

"Our venom affects you differently," he paused to think about something.

"What is it?" Seth asked.

Carlisle shook his head. "I'm just having a hard time understanding why a vampire would even go after one of your pack members. The way she looks, it's as if he tortured her." He winced when he said that. I think we all did. Because more than likely she _had_ been tortured. But I was confident that she had given him one hell of a fight. Leah was anything but weak. She'd probably gotten in a few jabs and a "fuck you, asshole."

"Most vampires just hunt to kill. Yet, it seems that this one was after something specific. He didn't just want to kill her; he wanted her to suffer." Carlisle checked her pulse again.

"It's still the same," Sam said stiffly. He'd been keeping a very close ear on her heart-rate. We all had.

"Unfortunately," Carlisle nodded. I think that was his subtle way of saying _"There's not a lot we can do for her."_

I swallowed a lump in my throat, but I managed to fight off my sorrow. She wasn't gone yet. If anyone could fight this, it was her. Tricky part was...she needed something worth fighting for.

I thought about Nessie's odd statement as I watched Leah's shallow breathing. The kid might have been onto something. Sometimes we're too blind to see what's right in front of our faces. Leah is the only person in my life that had never tried to change me. She understood where I was coming from. We'd both been through a lot in our lives. And I'd never really thought about how much I cared about her until today.

Sam walked over to Leah's side and put his hand on her face. He shook his head.

"You have to fight, honey."

Yeah, like that was going to make Leah want to live. If she heard Sam's voice she was going to go running towards the light with open arms and a pair of sunglasses. I could see Leah pounding on the gates of Heaven in a bikini screaming at St. Peter, _"Let me in! For Gods sake, my ex won't stop pestering me!"_

"Lee lee, you're going to be okay."

The only thing that Leah hated more than Sam was vampires and the color pink. Well, this was just going to be a triple thrill for her when she woke up in the Cullen's house with Sam by her side in a _very_ pink room.

Sam looked at Carlisle.

"Carlisle, may I speak with you privately?" he questioned. Seth and I both snapped our heads up to look at Sam. He wanted to talk to a vampire? _Alone_? God, I hope he wasn't planning on killing him.

"Certainly," Carlisle said. He and Sam walked out of the room. Esme followed them. Good. I think Sam would probably have a hard time killing Carlisle if Esme was there. She had the softest and sweetest eyes I had ever seen on a vampire. Even before I had befriended the Cullens, I couldn't hate Esme. She was just too damn motherly. It made me miss my own mother. If my dad knew that I had been letting Esme be all motherly towards me he would chew my ass out, _"Your mother is probably rolling over in her grave right now!"_

My alliance with the Cullens was one thing that I hadn't been completely honest with my father about. He knew that I was still friends with Bella, but he didn't know that I had been spending most of my free time with a family of vegetarian vampires. It was the same with Seth's mom. I was surprised that Leah hadn't tattled on her brother when he started mouthing off to Sam and following me to visit the Cullens. Sometimes I marveled at the fact that he was so comfortable around them. He treated them like people. Even _I_ didn't go that far with my loyalty.

I glanced at Seth leaning over his sister. He let out a grunt.

"This sucks."

I wasn't going to try and paint some happy picture and be optimistic. The kid knew when he was being lied to.

"I couldn't agree with you more."

"She's not improving." He glanced at the floor. He sighed, "And I thought that losing my dad was hard." Ouch. I felt really crappy for Seth.

Bella decided to be the optimist in the room.

"It just takes time," she smiled softly. "They didn't think I would pull through when I was pregnant with Renesmee."

That was true. Bella was in really rough shape leading up to the days before she gave birth. The difference was that Edward had "saved" her with his venom. But Leah couldn't be saved with venom. That was the thing that was killing her. Hell, even if it _could_ save her, something tells me that she would rather die than have vampire venom save her.

"I should call my mom." Seth's voice was barely a whisper. He looked at Bella. "Can I use your phone?"

"Of course. Come on." Bella motioned for Seth to follow her. It was weird getting used to all of her fluid movements. She used to be such an uncoordinated klutz. I kind of missed that about her.

"Jake, can you…" Seth looked at Leah nervously.

"I'll stay with her," I said. I knew this was hard for him.

"Thanks." Seth walked out of the room with his head hanging low. He looked like a kid who'd just discovered that Santa wasn't real. Horribly depressed.

Bella followed him, but not before pausing to look at Leah. She glanced back at me.

"I'm sorry, Jake." She ran her cold hand across my arm.

And that's how I ended up in the room with Leah all alone. I could hear Sam and Carlisle discussing her condition quietly. It didn't look good.

Seth was right. This really sucked. Leah was constantly fighting battles. Everything in her life was a fight. And she usually won. But the one time we needed her to really push back...she couldn't.

I thought about one of the last things she'd said to me. _Tell my mom and Seth that I love them._ I glanced at her as I sat down next to her, taking Seth's place.

"Tell them yourself." I leaned beside her. "You don't get to do this." I put my hand on Leah's face. She was still burning up. Normally our temperatures ran high, but I felt like I was putting my hand directly on an open flame. I huffed at her. The one emotion that Leah understood was anger. So, I was going to give it to her.

"God damn it, fight this, Leah. Be a bitch. Push back. Sam's an asshole, but he's right. You've got to fight." _For me._ I took her unbroken hand and squeezed it gently. I was surprised when she squeezed back.

"Leah?" I asked hopefully. Her muscles were contracting again, so the squeeze was probably nothing more than muscle tension. "Damn it, do not die." Gee, I gave one hell of a pep-talk. Maybe I should be one of those motivational speakers that goes from town to town babbling about crap that really isn't important. It'd be fun to unite to motivate the future children of America_… _"_Yes, future children? Don't suck. Do good deeds. And don't blow it._"

I could hear that her heart-rate was too fast again. She tensed up and locked her jaw in discomfort. The machines that Carlisle had hooked her to were going haywire. This time she squeezed my hand in pain.

"Carlisle!" I called.

The doctor was in the room in half a second. He was checking Leah's pulse.

"What is it? What's going on?" Seth rushed back into the room. He'd practically thrown the phone at Alice. I listened as she managed to stay calm on the phone with Sue, Leah and Seth's mom.

"Her heart is trying to fight the venom." He listened closely to Leah's beating heart. It was obvious that he didn't like what he was hearing. I heard him whisper something quickly to Esme and she darted out of the room.

He pushed her chest to try and regain a normal heartbeat. We all cringed when we heard the sound that her broken ribs made. Esme brought in a portable defibrillator. Wow, did the hospital have any supplies _left_? Carlisle had the whole damn emergency room here.

I wanted to help, but I didn't know how. I knew she needed a shock to the heart. I could give her that. I could just shout out, "Sam's a gay cross-dresser," to shock her out of her coma. That might work.

The machinery beeped louder. _I hear you, you piece of crap._ I glanced at the monitor that was yelling at us for God-knows what. Machines were like kids. They were fun to have around until they started talking back to you. Then you just want to throw them through a window.

Sam faced me with a look of pain in his eyes, but he very calmly nodded, "I have to let the pack know what's going on."

He was abandoning her _now_? The time that Leah probably needed him most in her entire life and he was bailing? What the hell had she seen in our Mr. "I peed on it, so it's mine" Alpha in the first place?

"Seth, your mom wants to talk to you," Alice said quietly.

The poor kid looked torn. On one hand, his sister was crashing right in front of his eyes. And on the other, his mother needed to hear what was going on. He sighed as he grabbed the phone from Alice. He walked out of the room. That might not be such a bad idea. With his luck, he would be assuring Sue that everything was fine when suddenly in the background she'd be able to hear _"Ahh, holy crap. Holy crap. She's going to die! Is there supposed to be that much blood? Did her foot just fall off? Does she need her spleen to live?"_

Seth took the phone call and Sam disappeared down the hallway.

I heard Carlisle grunt in frustration.

"Don't give up, Doc." I was practically begging him.

"I'm doing everything possible, Jacob."

"I know. I don't expect a miracle," I paused. "Okay, I lied. Maybe a little miracle would be nice. She's gotta survive this."

He laughed softly, "Maybe you should tell her that."

Even though I knew Carlisle was teasing, I decided I was going to tell Leah that anyway.

"You have to survive this." It sounded like an order. "Come on. Think of your mother and your brother. Don't be selfish, Leah. I know you're not that selfish." I was reminded of the time that she had shown her selflessness by not pressuring me to come home before I was ready when I'd run away. That day I understood how deep Leah really felt about others. She would never admit that she cared about someone because the thought of being hurt again terrified her.

But if you looked past her brash temper and her cold attitude you could see just how vulnerable she was. Before today I had never seen her vulnerable. She had done everything possible to keep me locked out. But when she'd grabbed my hand at Jared's place she'd let me in. She was scared to death. And I wasn't about to walk out on her.

"Do not give up," I urged her. My hand was shaking on top of hers now.

"Jacob." Carlisle gently removed my hand from Leah's skin so he could shock her again.

I didn't know how long her heart had been stopped at this point. But I knew that if she died I was going to blubber like a little baby. Leah didn't deserve this. She deserved so much better. She deserved someone to care for her. She deserved to know what happiness was. She deserved someone to love her.

Carlisle looked at me grimly. "There's not much more we can do. Her body isn't responding…"

I felt tears forming in my eyes and a knot in my throat.

"She's stubborn. You have to _make_ her do things. Come on, don't give up on her," I growled. I hadn't meant for it to come out as a growl, but my emotions were riding high at the moment. My heart was racing in my chest. If I could I would have ripped it out and given it to Leah. Anything to keep her from dying. I was not willing to let her go. I don't care how selfish that made me. I sighed, "One more time, Carlisle? Please?"

"Alright. One more time," Carlisle said to me softly.

"Then set that sucker to 'wake the dead' and let's get her moving again." I knew he wasn't as confident as I was. I looked at her as Carlisle readied the paddles again. "Do not leave me, Leah. I care too much about you to lose you," I said as Carlisle shocked her heart.

There was a pause...but then the machinery started whirring and functioning normally.

Carlisle looked as astonished as I felt. He listened to her heart rate, which was still irregularly fast, but it was improving with each beat.

I looked at Carlisle. "What just happened?"

"I believe your persistence paid off." Carlisle checked her pulse again.

_Finally._ I had done _something_ right in my life.


	6. Why can’t I just not die in peace?

**Chapter 6:**

**Why can't I just _not_ die in peace?**

**Leah's point of view:**

Someone had once told me that dying is peaceful. What a load of crap. If I could remember who had told me that, I would hunt them down and strangle them to death, screaming, "How's that for peaceful, asshole?!"

Had I known how much dying completely _sucked_ I wouldn't have been so eager to kick the bucket. And as far as an afterlife goes...getting through the pearly gates was harder than trying to get into some hot Hollywood club. As if I wasn't _cool_ enough to get in. Seriously?

_"Your name's not on the list. To the back of the line."_

Screw that. I'd just go party in hell. At least demons know how to have a good time. If it meant I could party, then all hail Satan. It might be fun to get drunk and jump off of a balcony into a pool of hot lava below. It'd be like a really nice hot tub. Psh, like heat would bother me? I'd died in a pool of my own sweat. Navigating through flames for the rest of my afterlife would be like a cool spring day to a werewolf.

As I was contemplating what I had done to eternally piss off whatever higher being was popular with Tom Cruise this week, I felt a strange sensation in my heart...which I found weird considering it wasn't really beating anymore. I started to get dizzy. Did dead people get vertigo? I bet Jesus never had this problem.

_"Hey, J-man. Wussup?"_

_"Aw, dude…the clouds are spinning…"_

_"Uh…the Jewish hippie is tripping out again…"_

I laughed. Only _I_ would find being anti-Christian funny in death. But I had never been known for being PC. Political Correctness pissed me off. Everyone was bigoted in some way or another. The entire world was constantly at war over it. If everyone just admitted they were racist we could probably all get along just fine. And now I had the song "Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes" from _Avenue Q_ in my head. I was cracking up. Going nuts. Whacko. Cuckoo. I couldn't help myself as I hummed the lyrics in my head.

_Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes. Doesn't mean we go around committing hate criiiiimes. Ethnic jokes might be uncouth, but you laugh because they're based on truth…_ It really was a pity that I'd never seen that whacked out, gritty broadway musical live before I'd taken my last breath.

Suddenly I felt like I was falling. It was not as fun as I thought it would be. It felt like my stomach was in my throat and that I was going to throw up everything I had ever eaten. I shrugged. Maybe I'd find that marble I swallowed when I was four.

I felt pain shoot throughout every pore in my body. Great. I got to suffer even in death. Fan-freaking-tastic. My fingers and toes started tingling and my head was throbbing. There was a shock that traveled through my heart and all I could feel was horrible pain. It made me want to beg for death. _Oh, wait. Been there, done that._ I thought to myself. _Death sucks, too._ I didn't even get to see my dad…which I was kind of pissed about.

"I think she's coming around." I heard a familiar voice. It sounded a lot like Jacob. Why would he care enough to be by my side? I thought the only people that cared about me were my mother and Seth. And that's just because they were obligated to love me. It was my own fault for pushing everyone away from me. I always figured it was easier not to form attachments because it always hurt so damn bad when that bond was broken.

My various broken bones ached. There was a dull pain in my arm, but I could feel cool fluids pumping into my body, so I wasn't about to bitch about it. I know my temperature had sky-rocketed. I remembered getting bitten by that disgusting parasite. How in the hell had I survived his venom? Oh, right. Because I was constantly defying all odds and doing things that made absolutely no sense.

I felt someone's hand squeeze mine. "Hey, Leah. Open your eyes. Come on." My brother's voice was cracking. Seth didn't really cry that much. He was always such a happy little thing. I remember when he was a baby I would lay awake in my bed at night listening to him chattering happily and cooing like an idiot. There was one night when he giggled to himself for like three hours nonstop. He never stopped smiling. I was convinced that the kid was smoking dope. I could see him as a tiny little toddler lighting up and then laughing about how Cookie Monster constantly had the munchies on Sesame Street.

"Think she has any brain damage?" The voice sounded feminine.

"She was _born_ brain damaged." I heard Jacob laugh. I had to remember to smack him for that one later.

"So, does this mean she's going to be okay?" It was the female again. It didn't take me long to place her voice. I'd know that icy scent anywhere. Vampires. Wow, this day couldn't get any worse. Bella Cullen was by my bedside. She was probably _hoping_ that I was brain damaged. It'd bring me down to her level.

"With any luck, now that her body is fighting back she should heal." This voice sounded doctor-y.

"Do you really think she can bounce back?" Jesus. Sam was here, too? Did he think that his being next to my side would make me want to live? If anything it just made me want to hold my breath until I died again.

Seth squeezed my hand and I groaned. "Those fingers are broken, moron," I choked out. My throat was burning.

The room grew silent.

"What did you just say?" I could feel Seth leaning over me.

I opened my eyes and grunted again. "I said let go of my broken hand before I throttle you."

Seth let my hand go and smiled at me. I was threatening him and he was smiling at me. My brother was so weird.

"Crap. Sorry. I forgot." Seth looked at me and then looked at someone else. "Did you say both of her hands were broken?"

I looked over and saw Carlisle Cullen watching me with a soft smile. A vampire? They'd hired a vampire to be my doctor? I would have been better off with Dr. Kevorkian! Hell, they should have just let me die on the beach. I would have gladly taken sand in my vagina over being treated by a vampire.

"Just the left one," Carlisle answered Seth. He nodded at me. "Hi, Leah. Welcome back to the land of the living." Did he think that was funny? I just stared in shock.

"We were so worried about you." Sam put his hand on my arm. I jerked it away, which was really stupid because it hurt like hell. I bit my lip to contain my scream.

"Seth, you should probably call your mom back," Jacob suggested.

I moaned. Mom knew about this? Could this get any worse? She was going to spend the next six months treating me like some drooling infant.

Jacob saw my irritated expression. "Don't worry. She doesn't know that you died. Turns out Alice is one of the most skilled little liars this side of Washington." He glanced at Carlisle and Esme. "You two should be so proud." He chuckled with sarcasm.

"She assured your mother that you were resting comfortably," Carlisle explained further.

Resting comfortably? I was in a pink room surrounded by vampires. If I was any more tense my butt was going to eat itself. My cheeks were squeezed together so tightly that I'd probably never go to the bathroom again.

I felt that tension ease just a bit. I looked around the room nervously. I didn't like feeling at ease with the leeches in here. I noticed Jasper at the doorway. He and Carlisle shared a look.

I vaguely recalled learning that Jasper could control emotions. So, the doctor was using his son to keep me from flipping out? I ground my teeth together.

"Control _this_ you giant anti-anxiety tablet." I hurled a pillow towards him. A pillow? Really? Like a pillow was going to hurt a vampire? _Ohh, you better run because this down pillow is filled with feathers! And it's not hypoallergenic!_

Jasper didn't flinch as the pillow fell a few feet short of him. I heard Bella laugh nervously. She and Jacob were standing side by side.

"Heh, I think the medications are making her loopy." Bella tried to break the tension.

"No. That's just Leah for you," Jacob smirked at me. "Good. You're feeling like you again." He glanced at me with a wink.

If I had any strength I would have smacked him.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle questioned.

I moved my broken fingers and they cracked. "Like a bowl of Rice Krispies." Every time I moved something in my body snapped, crackled, and popped. I cleared my throat. It was still sore. It was probably all of this vampire air that I was breathing. I had to hope that I wouldn't get vampire cooties or something from being here.

"That's to be expected," Carlisle said. "You have been through quite a lot today. You're very lucky to be alive."

"Depends on your definition of 'luck,'" I muttered.

I heard Sam shuffle his feet nervously. Being here with the vampires wasn't easy for him either. Unlike Jacob and Seth, he wasn't friends with them.

"The guys will be glad to know you've come back from this." Yeah, right. I had a hard time believing that anyone in my pack really gave a crap about me. "When I phased to tell them what was going on they were all pretty upset. And angry. Paul wanted to bring the vampire back to life so he could torture him." That I could believe. Paul had a hell of a temper. "I'm going to go update them before they go on some kind of rampage. I'm going to go let them know that you're okay," Sam smiled at me. "I'm so glad that I _get_ to tell them that you're okay." He leaned in to hug me.

"If you hug me I will break your nose," I growled at him.

"Looks like she's feeling better," Jacob laughed.

Sam refrained from hugging me. It's a good thing too, because I don't know if I had enough strength to carry through with my threat. He bolted from the house as quickly as possible. What a coward.

I heard the phone ring. Esme ran to get it and a few seconds later she came back in the room to get Seth. Looks like mom had beaten Seth to the punch. I know he was just about to call her. How did she always know when we needed to talk to her?

"Your mother is on the phone, Seth."

Seth glanced at me and I nodded at him.

"Tell her I'm fine." I didn't want my mom worrying about me. I didn't need her all stressed out. I'd already killed my dad with a heart attack. I didn't feel like reliving that.

He quickly disappeared to take the call.

"We should let her rest," Carlisle suggested. Bella and Jasper flittered out of the room. Good. Two less vampires for me to worry about.

Esme smiled at me from the doorway. "Let us know if you need anything," she said softly. A vampire wanted to wait on me? I laughed. I must be in a coma.

As soon as they were gone I glared at Jacob.

"Pink?" I pointed out the walls. "Why couldn't you have just let me die in the hospital waiting room? At least the walls there don't look like the Pink Panther exploded all over them," I frowned. "And while we're on the subject...why would you bring me here to be treated by Count Chocula?"

"I knew you'd be pissed." Jacob laughed as he sat down next to me. "You can thank Seth for the idea. He didn't want you to die. The kid really loves you."

"When can I go home?" I sighed. Jacob broke into more hysterical laughter. I just glared at him. "What is so damn funny?"

"I called that, too. I knew that was going to be the first thing you asked." He nodded and then stopped laughing like a maniac. "Carlisle says as soon as you're stable enough we can transfer you to the hospital."

"No," I snapped. "I'm not going to any hospital."

"You need to be monitored," he said softly. I was surprised that he was being as calm and quiet as he was. Normally he would have boastfully pushed me and telling me to shut up and listen to him.

"No hospitals. I don't _want_ to wear a stupid paper dress that exposes my ass while some twelve year old who claims that he went to med school tries to take my temperature with his pen and write with the thermometer."

"Then stay here and let Carlisle treat you." Jacob wasn't offering me any other options.

"Haven't I been subjected to enough torture?" I rolled my eyes.

"Look, Leah, I just spent the past three hours watching you writhe around in pain. You may heal fast, but you still need medical treatment. And so help me God, I will restrain your ass myself if you try to go anywhere before getting the okay from Carlisle."

Who the hell did Jacob think he was? His irritating and sudden interest in my health irked me. But I was still too weak to argue with him so I let out an aggravated sigh.

"Fine. What do I have to do to get out of here?"

"First, Carlisle needs to X-Ray you to make sure that your bones are set correctly. He's got the machine set up, but he wanted to stabilize you first."

"They have an X-ray machine here at their house?" I gawked.

"Carlisle got it when Bella was pregnant," Jacob nodded.

"Do they even _have_ any medical equipment left at the hospital he works at? I mean, what are they using to diagnose patients at the hospital now? Polaroids?"

How the hell did someone go about getting an X-Ray machine to have at home? Was there some secret warehouse somewhere stashed with them? I could see some sleazy shifty guy on the street corner,

_"Psst, hey, buddy, you want an X-Ray machine? I know where I can get ya one real cheap…"_

Before Jacob could go into detail about how Carlisle probably found the X-Ray machine next to some dumpster, Seth walked back in the room.

"Mom wants to talk to you." Of course she did. Why did everyone always suddenly care about me when I died? Why couldn't everyone ignore me or tell me to stop being a bitch like they did the other 364 days of the year? He softened his voice. "I told her you were sleeping...but she knew I was lying." He looked confused. "How does she always know?"

"Because she's mom," I responded. "Thanks, anyway." It was nice of my brother to try and keep mom off of my back. I think it was equal parts protecting her and trying not to get punched by me. I took the phone. I winced when I moved. I saw Jacob and Seth cringe too. I rolled my eyes. "Relax. You aren't the one with ground dust for bones." I covered the receiver so mom wouldn't hear what I was saying to the boys. I took a deep breath to prepare myself to sound okay for my mother. "Hey, mom."

"Thank God." She was relieved to hear my voice.

I frowned sourly, "I don't think he had anything to do with it."

"I'm so happy to hear your voice that nothing you could say or do is going to upset me," she laughed through her tears.

Ah, mom, did she _have_ to cry? Was it _really_ necessary? _Nothing I say, huh?_ Hmm, maybe I could use this to my advantage. I decided to test her theory about not upsetting her.

"I'm the one who set the woods on fire two years ago. A bunch of friends and I got drunk and our bonfire got a little out of hand." No one had been hurt and the damage was minimal, but I still felt bad about it. I just wanted to give my mom something other to think about besides me laid up in a bed and doped up on whatever pain-meds the vampire had given me.

She laughed, "I don't care."

Awesome. What else could I get away with?

"And that dent in your car? It wasn't because some hit and run thing. I wrecked it." I figured I would leave out the part where Sam and I had been making out in the backseat and I had accidentally kicked the parking brake. We'd rolled down the hill into a tree. Plus side, it would make a hell of a story to tell at his and Emily's wedding. I grimaced to myself. Now I had to go to their stupid wedding.

"That was three years ago." My mom still wasn't upset. This whole "sharing things" was great...and kind of amusing.

"I killed Seth's turtle when he was eight."

"Mr. Turtle?" Seth's jaw dropped.

Shit. I forgot he was standing here with me.

"It was an accident," I assured him. I told the story to both him and my mom. "I accidentally left the top off of his tank and he somehow got out. Unfortunately, I was doing some laundry that day…" If the cycle in the washer hadn't killed him, no doubt the tumble dry would have done him in.

"I thought he ran away." Seth looked sad.

"I don't care if you confess to murder, just so long as you're talking," Mom said.

"I'm okay, mom. Really. It wasn't that bad." I saw Jacob and Seth glare at me and I covered the receiver. "Don't you say a word." I warned them.

"You had me scared to death. I'm about five seconds away from getting in my car and coming there."

"No!" I exclaimed. I softened my tone and laughed nervously. I didn't want my mom around the leeches. "There's no reason to do that. I'm about back to a hundred percent." I lied through my teeth. "In fact I'm getting ready to play a round of ping-pong with Jacob and Seth. Did you know that the vampires have a game room?" She wasn't going to buy that. I had been bullshitting my mother for years. She knew when I was bluffing.

"Just listen to what Carlisle says," she advised me. Wait a second, was my mom _telling_ me to listen to a vampire? I felt like I was on _Candid Camera_. This was too weird. I was becoming more and more certain that I was in a deep vegetative state, brain-dead, and hooked up to some machine that was keeping me breathing. In what universe was my mother alright with her daughter being treated by a vampire?

"Uh…okay," I stuttered out.

"I love you, Leah." She sounded really tired. I didn't like that she was so worried about me. But I guess she couldn't help it. She was my mom. "Let me talk to Seth again." I handed the phone back to my brother and he started muttering answers to her. My poor brother. I needed to teach him how to lie to mom one of these days.

"Everyone is being so weird." I frowned at Jacob.

"They're just concerned." Jacob shrugged.

"Why?" I asked. He mashed his lips together and glared at me. Was that supposed to answer my question?

"Leah, we thought…" Jacob's eyes darted around the room nervously. "Well, when Sam and I found you, you were pretty badly injured."

I gasped sarcastically, "Really? You don't say!"

He shook his head. "How you managed to phase with as many broken bones as you had is beyond me. I mean, I remember after that battle last year when I was hurt...it killed me to phase back for Carlisle to treat me. It was agonizing."

"Thanks for the reminder." I grimaced thinking about how painful it had been.

"What exactly happened out there today?" he asked.

That was going to be tricky to answer. Maybe I'd be better off leaving it _unanswered_.

"I…don't know. I'm really tired." I wasn't. There was no way I could sleep in this house. I don't care if Carlisle injected a whole bottle of Valium directly into my IV line...I wasn't going to let my guard down in this house.

Carlisle entered the room. I guess he was going to take this whole "doctor" thing seriously. Out of all the doctors in the world, why did I have to get the _one_ that actually cared about his patients?

"If you're up for it, I would like to get some X-Rays." Carlisle was asking me for my permission to treat me? I kind of liked that. It was nice of him to think like that.

But I was still the cynic. "Okay, so vampire venom won't kill me. Radiation will." I nodded.

"Leah…" Jacob had a warning tone in his voice.

"I'm not afraid of you." I scoffed.

Jacob got a curious look in his eye. One that I didn't completely understand. He shifted towards me. It took me a minute to realize what he was doing. Before I could react, he slid his arms underneath me and lifted me off of the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" I was too astonished to fight back.

"I thought I made myself clear. You're going to let Carlisle treat you whether you want to or not."

"Uh, Jacob…" Carlisle interjected.

"Hey, I'm just trying to do what's best for her." Jacob shrugged.

"I understand that." Carlisle nodded. "But if you aren't careful you'll pull her IV line out." He pointed out that there was no slack in the line running from my arm to the bag of fluids.

Jacob didn't seem phased. "Seth, how about a little help over here?" He glanced at my brother, who was still on the phone.

Seth turned around and his jaw dropped when he saw that Jacob was holding me in his arms. I wanted to threaten him, but my brain couldn't find the words I was looking for. I don't know why._ I am going to kill you_ seemed pretty self-explanatory.

"Uh…mom, I've got to go. I'll call you back later. Love you. Bye." Seth was quick to hang up the phone. He loped over to us and grabbed the bag of fluids.

"Point the way, Doc." Jacob waited for directions from Carlisle.

"Jacob Black, put me down. _Right. Now._" I threatened him.

"Not gonna happen."

"You suck."

There wasn't much I could do as Jacob carried me down the hallway to the X-Ray room. This mansion was like a giant maze. I bet kids could play hide and seek in here for hours. I kind of wanted to disappear right now.

When Jacob sat me down on the table I had enough strength to punch him in the shoulder. He just grinned stupidly at me and stuck his tongue out. That just pissed me off.

I took a second to recognize that I was no longer wearing my clothes from earlier. I curled my lip up thinking that I might be wearing something that belonged to a vampire.

"Please tell me that you didn't let the vampires dress me up like a little doll." I snorted at Jacob.

"It was actually kind of amusing. Alice has a closet full of clothes that had never even been worn. She bought a bunch of stuff for Bella back when she was human…"

Great. Another vampire story. I sighed.

"Just shoot me with radiation and get it over with," I frowned.

The X-Rays didn't take long. As Jacob and Seth conferred with Carlisle about my pictures I sat up on the table. I was able to move around a little easier now. My bones still hurt like hell, but at least I could breathe. And I wasn't on fire anymore. My arm itched a little from where the IV was.

I overheard part of the conversation the boys were having.

"And what about overnight?" Jacob asked.

"It couldn't hurt to have someone monitor her," Carlisle said quietly.

I grunted in frustration. I did _not_ want to stay here overnight. And I didn't want to go to the hospital either. I just wanted to go home and sleep in my _own_ bed. I flexed the muscles in my legs. They were sore, but definitely improving. And though my broken foot hurt, I'm pretty sure I could hobble around on it. I looked down at the IV and started tugging on the tape. I gently pulled the IV out and put pressure on where the needle had been. After a few seconds I peered at the tiny hole in my arm. Carlisle really had done an amazing job. There was no bruising or anything. Of course, the rest of my body was black and blue from the ass-whopping that I had acquired earlier today, but at least Carlisle hadn't made it any worse. I glanced at where the IV had been. It was the only part of my body that _wasn't_ bruised.

I concentrated as I pushed myself to the edge of the table. I put a small amount of pressure on my feet and leaned forward.

I had to get out of here.


	7. My Not So Great Escape

**Chapter 7:**

**My Not So Great Escape  
**

I was actually surprised that no one had heard me stirring around in here. Maybe if I was quiet enough I could slip out without them knowing. Putting my weight on my broken foot was excruciating, but I was able to push through my pain. _Vampires. Must get away from vampires. Evil bloodsucking vampires…_

I stopped short in my thoughts. _Crap_. Edward could read minds. And there was no doubt in my mind that he'd heard my little plan. I had to hope that he was too busy doting on his stupid wife and coddling his demon child to overhear me.

To my surprise, it wasn't Edward that ruined my plans. When I got a few feet through the doorway I saw Emmett standing in the hallway. He was grinning at me. His grin was identical to Jacob's stupid grin. I wanted to smack the smug smirk off of his face.

"Uh oh, she's making a break for it," he said with a chuckle.

_You asshole._ I grumbled in thought. I would have thought he'd be glad to be rid of me. Didn't he hate me like his supermodel wife?

Jacob and Seth appeared behind me.

"Going somewhere?" Jacob questioned.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Home." I hobbled around Emmett.

I heard a whooshing noise behind me and Emmett was in front of me again -- still wearing the grin on his face. I was wanting to slap him more and more. He was blocking my path.

"Move, leech." I frowned. My rudeness didn't seem to bother Emmett. He just kept smiling at me.

"Sorry, Leah. I've got orders." He crossed his arms across his chest.

I turned back to look at Jacob with a scowl on my face.

"You're keeping me prisoner?"

"For the time being," Jacob said.

"It's for your own good, Leah." Seth agreed with Jacob.

I felt a temper tantrum coming on. It was hard to suppress my inner-child when she was pissed.

"You have no right to do this!" I exclaimed.

"I've declared you medically incompetent. Seth and I get to make all of your decisions until you prove that you're not totally insane."

Well, that was never going to happen. Once a crazy person, always a crazy person.

"I am breathing and walking down the hallway on my own. I don't know what else I can do to prove to you that I am ready to go home," I huffed angrily. As I exhaled I got a little dizzy.

"Hey, whoa, you okay?" Emmett questioned.

"Just get out of my way." I tried to take a step forward, but I became lightheaded and faltered.

Emmett shot his hands out to try and help me, but pulled back at the last second realizing that if he touched me I would probably freak out. He wasn't wrong. With my luck, the moment the vampire touched me I would lose control of my craziness and phase ruining all of Carlisle's handiwork. I grinned to myself. That would show him. _"How dare you treat me with dignity and respect! I'm going to re-mangle all of my bones just to prove some idiotic point to you!"_

"You're looking a little pale there little Miss I-can-do-whatever-I-want," Emmett said.

"How observant...coming from an albino Hugh Jackman." Had I just insulted his abs? Shame on me. That was worse than throwing a pillow at his brother. I couldn't wait until I was back in full form so I could actually insult people properly again.

I swayed uneasily. Seth and Jacob were by my side now.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Seth sounded like he was about to have a nervous breakdown.

"I'm fine," I assured them as I used my uninjured hand to push against my throbbing temples. I guess I was more drained than I realized. I shook my head and glanced up to see if the room had stopped spinning.

Fortunately for my equilibrium--it had. I took another step forward, but Seth stopped me.

"Take it easy. You died today, you know."

"I'm going home, Seth."

"That's what we were talking to Carlisle about," Jacob said.

"Sure you were." I rolled my eyes. Well that was a smooth thing to do. I had just fought off dizziness and now I was rolling my eyes to create _more_ dizziness?

"If you would have stuck around for longer than two minutes you would have known we were asking Carlisle about having someone keep an eye on you from your house…" Jacob sounded irritated with me "…where we knew you would be more comfortable."

"Oh." Well, I felt stupid. Here I had been spending all of my energy on trying to get out of the house, and as it turns out I could have just let them wheel me out. I glanced at my broken foot and frowned. All that pain for nothing.

I felt all of my energy leave my body. My fingers went numb and the hallway started to go black.

"Well, in that case maybe I should pass out now." I felt my legs give out from beneath me.

Three hands…two hot and one cold…caught me before I hit the ground. I was surprised that Emmett had decided to touch me. Guess he didn't have any fear. I would have complained more, but his frozen hand actually felt good against my broken arm. All these vampires were like giant ice-packs.

Jacob had to go and ruin the comfort that Emmett was shockingly giving my arm.

"I got her." He all but shoved Emmett away. He was probably just worried that I would shred Emmett to pieces for touching me. "Seth, you can back off. She needs some air. I have her." He repeated what he had just said a second ago.

"Are you sure? She's _my_ sister. I can take care of her." Seth almost sounded jealous.

What the hell world did I wake up in? They were _fighting_ over who got to take care of me?

"Just give me a minute to get used to the spinning room and, hey, is that Mr. Turtle?" I gasped sarcastically. "Light fading…oh, hey, dad." I grinned with my eyes closed.

Jacob and Seth both growled.

"Not funny," Seth snapped.

I opened my eyes and smiled weakly at my brother.

"You two are taking this way too seriously."

"_Death_ is serious," Seth frowned.

I scoffed, "I'll be back to normal tomorrow."

"Is that so? Then why did you just pass out in the vampire's hallway?" Jacob questioned.

"I'll get Carlisle." Emmett nodded at Jacob and Seth as he disappeared down the hallway.

Jacob huffed at me, "Stop being so damn stubborn, Leah."

"I don't need anyone's help," I grumbled.

"Really? Stand up and walk a straight line while reciting the alphabet backwards," Jacob said sarcastically.

"Since when are you a traffic cop?" I laughed. "I'm not drunk. I'm just a little dizzy." I was able to keep my balance as I tried to stand up, but that was probably due to the fact that Seth and Jacob were both clutching me tightly.

"Yes, because you _died_." Seth kept reminding me of that.

I wanted to stick my tongue out at him, but I just glanced at him instead.

"But I didn't _stay_ dead." Unfortunately. "I am absolutely fine." When I went to take another step I was still wobbly. Damn it, why couldn't I get coordinated? This was really annoying. I had to laugh at myself, though. There was so much air in my head. Ha, ha. I was an airhead…_literally_.

I took another step and stumbled forward.

"That's it." I felt Jacob's hands around my waist. "You aren't taking another step."

Carlisle appeared next to us with Emmett and Edward. I curled my lip up when I saw that Edward was with them. Carlisle didn't bother me as much as the others. And I could handle Emmett because he was just like some big dumb jock. But Edward freaked me out. He was like some mutant Jedi Knight that could read minds. He probably stole souls, too.

I saw Edward chuckle in amusement at my thought.

_Did anyone ever tell you that it's rude to impose on other people's thoughts?_ I glanced at him. He just shrugged.

"What happened?" Carlisle questioned.

"She fainted," Seth said.

"I did _not_ faint," I said with a frown. That made me sound like I was a wussy. "I just got a little winded."

"_Winded_ my ass," Jacob muttered. "You passed out, Leah."

"You really shouldn't be up yet." Carlisle delicately took my wrist to check my pulse. I don't know why he had to touch me to get my heart rate. He could _hear_ it beating. I guess it was just force of habit.

I gritted my teeth while he felt my pulse. If I wanted to be a smartass I could grab his wrist and gasp, _You don't have a pulse! Quick! Grab a crash cart!_ I'm sure he had like twelve of them stashed in his closet…along with four anesthesia machines and two dozen oxygen tanks.

Edward laughed silently. Something told me that I was closer to the truth than I realized.

"Hey, how did my X-Ray's look?" I questioned.

Carlisle took his hand off of my wrist. His face conveyed that everything looked okay.

"The bones are set correctly and are healing at an exceptional rate," he explained. I grinned smugly at Jacob and Seth. I almost did the "I told you so" dance, but as uncoordinated as I was I'd probably just fall over. Plus, it's not like I had any rhythm _before_ I was all lightheaded. I opted for a more subtle "I told you so."

"Great. So that means I can go home, right?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded hesitantly, "After I finish up a few more medical tests."

"Z. Y. X. W. V. U. T…" I jokingly started to recite the alphabet backwards.

I heard Jacob and Seth fuming silently. I wished they would both lighten up. Their nerves were driving me insane. Why couldn't they find the humor in this situation? I sighed to myself. I'd always had a morbid sense of humor. I was like a weird stoner. I found pretty much everything funny.

I remember one time I had been over at a friend's house. She was printing something off of her printer. I got bored and drifted off into thought. I started to think about how the printer was working, and for some reason I pictured a tiny little alien running around inside the machine and cussing about the fact that his feet hurt but he still had fifteen pages to go. When I burst into hysterical laughter my friend wanted to know what I found so funny. When I told her what was on my mind she accused me of being on drugs…which only made me laugh harder.

"I'm a psychotic bitch on a _normal_ day. Could you imagine me on drugs?!"

At that point, Edward had to excuse himself for a moment. Who knew that _that_ would be so funny to a stuffy vampire like Edward Cullen?

Jacob frowned at me. "Why did you pull your IV out?"

"Because it was itchy." I sounded like a five-year-old.

Carlisle laughed softly. "You are certainly one of the most interesting patient's that I have ever had."

I think I could take that as either a compliment or an insult. He had been practicing medicine for a _long_ time. And if I was the most "interesting" patient that he'd ever had then that said a lot about me. I knew what a nightmare my future geriatric doctors were in for. I was going to be one of those crotchety old women that turned the shower nozzle on my caretakers at my nursing home.

"You needed those fluids, Leah," Seth said disapprovingly.

"Why? I'm already healing. Doesn't that mean that the venom _miraculously_ disappeared from my body?"

"Miracles had nothing to do with it," Seth snapped. "If Jacob hadn't sucked the venom out you'd be dead right now."

Hold the phone. What had my brother just said? Jacob _sucked_ the venom out of me? I looked at Jacob in shock. He cared enough to do that? Why was he continuously putting his ass on the line for me? Then I shivered thinking of Jacob licking all over my ankle. All I needed was some cheesy 70's music and I could have been watching a really sick porno flick in my head. Jacob tenderly sucking my toes. Oh, God. GROSS!! I wanted to pour bleach directly into my brain. I glanced at Jacob.

"_You_ saved me?" I questioned.

"Well, I wasn't going to watch you die." Jacob shrugged. He then grinned at me. "Hey, guess what? I saved your life. You owe me."

Instead of a smartass remark all I could think was, _Yeah, I do._

"You mean to tell me that you sucked my blood?" I cringed. Just the thought of blood in my mouth made me want to throw up.

"Tastes a hell of a lot better than Yorkie shit," Jacob said, matter-of-factly.

Carlisle and Emmett both gave Jacob an odd look. They were the only ones in the hallway that didn't know the story behind Jacob's little remark.

"Trust me..." I shook my head at Carlisle. "You _don't_ want to know…"

Edward reappeared, obviously having read Jacob's mind.

"No. You really don't." He shook his head at his father.

My bodyguards forced me back into the horrible pink torture room and had me lay back down on the bed so I wouldn't black out again.

Emmett was posted outside my door like he was some bouncer at a big celebrity club. That vampire looked pumped and ready for anything. I bet he _had_ been a bodyguard at one point in his life. I could see him walking around in sunglasses and a suit by President Roosevelt's side.

I mumbled as Carlisle ran some tests on me.

"This really isn't necessary. I feel fine."

Carlisle gently pushed his hand against one of my broken ribs. I held my breath so I wouldn't scream.

"Is that tender?" he questioned.

_Is that tender?_ I asked mockingly in my head. _No, shoving your steel hand against my broken ribs doesn't hurt at all._ I forced out a hard smile. If I lied I could get out of here faster.

"No." That was the best that I could lie. Because if I kept my mouth open any longer then I was going to yell out very loud profanity. He hit another tender spot. _Motherfucking son of a street-walking whore!_ That eased my pain slightly.

I hadn't noticed Edward standing in the corner of the room. Carlisle glanced at him.

"It's quite painful," Edward said.

So that's why the telepath was here? To tattle on me? Oh, that was _low_.

"I need you to be honest with me, Leah," Carlisle sighed.

"You want me to be honest with you?" I questioned. "I'm stuck in what looks like a badly decorated pediatric ward with a vampire for a doctor. My nose burns, my mouth is dry, and every freaking bone in my body hurts. These sheets are itchy. I'm in an outfit that looks like something Madonna would have worn in the 80's. I'm being held against my will by a leech who thinks he's God's gift to Hulk Hogan..." I glanced out of the room at Emmett "...I've got another leech invading my mind..." I glared at Edward "...and I've got two overprotective asses staring at me--watching me like I'm going to crash again." I glared at Jacob and Seth. "And I've got to pee, but I'm afraid to use your bathroom because I don't want your gross vampire germs." Then again, they were vampires--so why would they have toilets in their house? A dog dish for Jacob when he came to visit? I glanced at Edward again. "Did I leave anything out, mind-reader?"

"I think that pretty much covers it." Edward nodded at Carlisle.

I threw my hands up in irritation. "On the plus side, at least my ex-boyfriend bailed." The thought of Sam still being here made me cringe.

Carlisle seemed to be taking in my rant. He nodded as he checked my reflexes. He looked at Jacob and Seth.

"I'd say she's stable enough to go home."

I threw my head against the pillow behind me. _Finally._

"See? Was that so hard?" Seth questioned me.

"You better invest in guard dogs and a padlock for your room," I muttered quietly to my brother.

I couldn't wait to get out of here after Carlisle gave the okay. Truth be told, I think he was a little worried that his "patient" might get a bit _too_ antsy and accidentally phase in his house. I would never admit it out loud but Carlisle was by far the best doctor I'd ever had. Right down to his after care instructions. He told me to take it easy and not to phase for a few days.

"How about a few weeks?" I was in no way eager to go back to Sam.

Carlisle nodded. "Take your time. Don't rush back into it."

"Think maybe I can get a doctor's note? My pack leader is kind of an ass."

He laughed. When I didn't laugh with him he realized that I was serious. He cleared his throat.

"Of course I would be more than willing to speak with Sam about your recovery and how vital it is that you not phase until you're completely healed."

"Thanks," I paused. "Sorry I called you Dr. Tick the Dick."

"Ah. Uh, I was not aware you called me that." Carlisle looked confused.

I thought about it for a moment and then shrugged.

"Maybe I said it in thought."

Talk about awkward goodbyes. Seth helped me into the backseat of the car. I breathed a sigh of relief as we pulled away from the manor.

I didn't stop bitching after we left the Cullen's place. I was still irked that they had brought me here, so they were going to hear about it. I complained about anything and everything I could think of. Starting with Jared's Junk-mobile.

"I can't believe you entrusted my life to this tin can," I grumbled.

"I thought Carlisle said the pain meds would make her sleepy," Seth said quietly.

I hit him in the back of the head. "I heard that, you little shit."

"God, I thought I had it bad, kid. I feel for you. I really do. Rachel and Rebecca used to torture me, but not like this," Jacob said sympathetically to Seth. I raised my hand to hit him, too, but Jacob waved his finger at me. "Uh uh. I'm driving. You're not allowed to hit the driver. It's unsafe."

I hit him anyway.

"You really think I'm afraid to die?" I laughed darkly.

"No. And that's the problem." Jacob's voice was barely a whisper.

Though I think it was meant for his ears only, his answer made me feel kind of crappy. I leaned back against the seat and let out a sigh. This "bitchy" routine was getting me nowhere. I was just doing what I always did when I didn't want to face my emotions. Because acting like a lunatic and pushing people away was my way of protecting myself…and others. But it was exhausting to always be the person everyone hates. I was so tired of wearing a mask and acting like nothing could hurt me. Because as I had found out today--I _was_ vulnerable.

I closed my eyes and heaved out a sigh.

"You okay?" Seth asked.

My brother was too nice. He deserved a better sister than me.

"Leah?" He was waiting for the response to his question.

"Yeah. I'm just tired," I lied.

I was actually quite wired. I was starting to think that the pain meds that Carlisle gave me were having the opposite effect on me than they should have. I continued the fib.

"I guess maybe those pain meds are kicking in after all." They weren't. I felt like I had been run over by a train carrying a heavy load of bricks.

I figured that lying would be easier than telling the truth. Because the truth was too painful for me to face. The truth was that I had been masking my pain for too long. And everything had come to a head today when I was being poisoned by vampire spit. Before I started cussing about how much pain I was in I thought about everything that had happened these past two years. Sam leaving me for Emily, but still having to see and listen to him on a daily basis. My dad's passing. It just seemed like the hits kept on coming. And I was going through it alone, because Sam and my dad were the only two people I had confided in.

When Sam left me I went to my dad. After raging about wanting to hunt Sam down with some kind of a weapon my dad kissed my forehead and told me that everything would work out. And I knew that I was going to get through it because I still had my dad.

But when he died I didn't know who to go to. Because I couldn't go to Sam anymore. My mom and Seth were both too busy with their own grief. I didn't want to pile mine on top of theirs. I didn't want to be anyone's burden. The night after my dad's funeral I sat on my bed and stared at the wall for hours. I made a decision that I wouldn't ever let anyone see me in pain. Still, I could hear my dad's voice in the back of my head. _Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away._

He was right. I knew he was right. But I didn't care. All I cared about was getting through one day at a time. I'd fallen into the routine and forgotten who I was. And even though I was surrounded by people who cared about me...I had never felt so alone in my entire life. It was like the world was moving and I was just standing still. I was going to be stuck in limbo forever. Because I didn't want to ask for help. It was that damn pride. And because of my pride I was going to be alone forever. But the most astonishing thing is that I think I was okay with that. I didn't want anyone in my life to care about me. Because I couldn't take being hurt again.

Being alone sucks. But not half as much as wishing that you were.


	8. Being injured sucks

**Chapter 8:**

**Being injured sucks**

When we pulled into our driveway, mom was waiting on the front porch. Before we left the Cullen's place, Seth had called her and explained to her that we were coming home. I still don't think she knew how extensive my injuries had been. And I threatened Jacob and Seth with their horrible deaths if they told her I'd actually died.

When we saw her standing on the porch, Seth turned around to face me.

"I won't lie. She's kind of freaked."

_No duh, Seth._ I rolled my eyes in thought. In fact, "kind of freaked" was probably an understatement.

"She's really worried about you."

"Which is exactly why neither one of you is going to say anything about the fact that I still feel like shit." I ordered them. "Mom's been through a lot and I don't want to put her through any more heartache. How much did you tell her on the phone, Seth?"

"The first time I called I just told her you'd been hurt, but that I wasn't sure how bad your injuries were. That was…um…before your heart stopped." It was hard for him to say that out loud. "And then when Alice came to get me when you were crashing, I made up some gibberish about how Carlisle was assessing your injuries. I left out the part where he was shocking your heart." Well that was probably a good thing. I'd hate to see the look on my mom's face if Seth had told her the truth. _She's fine, mom. She's dead, but she's fine. See, Carlisle is delivering 12-gajillion jolts of electricity into her heart to try and get it restarted. By the way, what's for dinner?_

"When Carlisle was doing CPR I pretty much threw the phone at Alice and she smoothed things over with her superb little acting skills." Seth still thought we owed Alice a gift-basket for convincing my mother that all I had was a little bump on the head and a boo-boo that needed a band-aid.

I would never admit it out loud, but I was grateful that Alice was such a skilled actress. If I had any money, I would have bought her an entire department store. Although that might look a little weird on my tax returns. "Deduction 1: Bought department store for shopaholic vampire."

"After you talked to her she stopped worrying so much," Seth said.

So basically she knew nothing. That is exactly what I was hoping for. If mom knew how incredibly close to death I had come today, she would lock me in my room for the rest of my life with padded walls. That wouldn't matter. I'd probably still find a way to hurt myself. I would be the only woman in history who hurt herself in a room filled with nothing but bubble-wrap.

Mom pulled open the car door with a force that I'd never seen her use. The first thing she did was engulf me in a hug. My broken ribs throbbed, but I didn't want her to know how bad I was hurting, so I heaved out a breath.

"Easy, mom. Can't breathe…" She loosened her grip on me. I laughed nervously when she let me go. "Geeze woman, have you been working out?"

"You are never allowed to scare me like this again," she scolded me. Was she actually scolding me for dying? Oh, right. She didn't _know_ I'd died. So, she was scolding me for getting hurt? I let out a laugh. That was hilarious. _"How dare you be in excruciating pain! You're grounded!"_

"I'll do my best to not get my ass kicked anymore." I assured her.

We climbed out of the car. I flinched when my broken foot touched the ground. I had to bite my tongue when Jacob came to my rescue.

"Here, let me help you, Leah." He smirked at me. He knew I couldn't refuse his help with my mom standing there. I had to get inside the house without screaming out in pain. My mom noticed that I had locked my jaw.

"Honey, are you hurting?" she questioned. "Maybe we _should_ go to the hospital…"

"No." I faked a smile. "I'm good." I glared at Jacob. Saying this to him was going to cause me actual physical pain. "Jacob, would you and Seth help me get inside?"

"With pleasure," Jacob grinned smugly.

_Son of a bitch. You don't have to be so happy about it._ I muttered to myself in thought. I leaned against Jacob for support. He and Seth were able to get me in the house without too much of an issue. Of course, there was the one moment where I'd thrown my leg a little to the side and "accidentally" kicked Jacob below the belt.

He grunted and I laughed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get you?" I asked innocently.

"Barely felt it," Jacob groaned out.

_Let's see you have puppies now._ I laughed in thought.

They eased me down on to the couch and we all smiled stupidly at my mother, letting her know that everything was fine. Or at least...we were pretending that it was okay.

She watched us curiously. "Okay, what's going on?" She could tell that we weren't acting normal.

"Nothing. Everything's great." Seth's voice squeaked nervously as he tried to lie. It was _not_ smooth at all. Surprisingly though, mom bought it. Seth gawked at me in shock. I grinned. I was so proud. My baby brother had gotten away with lying to our mother. Today, Seth Clearwater was a man. A man who could lie to his mommy.

"If you need anything, you let me know." Mom kissed my forehead. She spent the next thirty minutes hovering over me.

Finally I got fed up with all of the attention. "Mom, I appreciate your concern, but I would feel a hell of a lot better if I knew you got some rest. I know you're exhausted."

"I am absolutely fine." My mom disagreed.

"To quote one of dad's favorite movies, 'You know what "fine" stands for. **F**reaked out, **I**nsecure, **N**eurotic, and **E**motional,'" Seth piped in. I could see that he was concerned about our mother's emotional state as well. I was a werewolf. I would heal. Mom on the other hand would run herself ragged with worry if we didn't force her to rest.

She laughed. "After seeing that movie all he did was talk about how one day he wanted to own a Mini-Cooper." She shook her head. "God, what an ugly car." My dad loved the movie _The Italian Job_ solely because it had lots of shiny little cars in it. I was the one responsible for introducing him to the action-packed little film. Hilariously, he had accidentally stumbled across that movie because I caught him sniffling at _Lady and the Tramp_ one day.

I'd walked into the living room and seen him tearing up at animated dogs eating spaghetti.

"Dad, what the hell are you doing?"

He fumbled with the remote and cleared his throat. "Oh, Leah...hi. Um, I was just…channel surfing. You know, looking for the game."

"Were you just _crying_?"

"What? No! I just finished up some spicy wings. They were hot." He rubbed his red eyes. He paused on a channel that was playing the 2003 remake of _The Italian Job_. "Hey, that's Donald Sutherland…" He nodded. "I loved him in _MASH_."

"Be older, dad." I teased him.

"Who's that young scruffy looking guy?" he questioned.

"Mark Wahlberg?" I glanced at him. He _had_ to know who Mark Wahlberg was. He just stared at me blankly. "_Boogie Nights_? _The Perfect Storm_? _Planet of the Apes_?" Wow, it was really pathetic that I knew _this_ much about the movies. I seriously needed a life.

"_That_ guy acted alongside Charlton Heston?"

"The remake." I rolled my eyes. "Come on, you've seen his movies." Dad shook his head. "Are you seriously telling me that you've _never_ heard of Mark Wahlberg? Marky Mark? Younger brother of the pre-pubescent little boy singing in The New Kids on the Block?" I'd never really listened to them, but knowing who he was was common musical knowledge.

"You kids and your crazy music nowadays." Dad chuckled.

My jaw dropped. "Wow, how old are you, old man? Maybe I should buy you a walker for your next birthday."

He didn't help his case when he huffed. "What the hell is this 'Napster' thing the little nerd that can't ride a motorcycle keeps talking about?" He chuckled. "Does it have something to do with power-naps?"

"Yes, dad. 'Napster' is a new mattress that doctors came up with as a way to treat insomnia and cure the world of sleep disorders."

I snapped back into reality when I felt my mom brush my forehead. "Are you sure you're okay, Leah?"

"I'll be good as new in the morning." I smiled at her.

"Alright. Then I'll stop hovering." She looked at Seth and mouthed something to him. It looked like "keep an eye on her."

Seth nodded.

"Oh, and Jacob there are extra blankets and pillows in the hall closet," she said as she turned to walk away.

And why would he be needing those? Didn't he have his _own_ place to sleep? Why was Jacob not going home?

"Thank you, Sue." Jacob waved as my mom disappeared down the hallway.

"And thank you," she responded.

"Why are you two thanking each other?" I had a feeling that I knew the answer to this. "Pillows and blankets" had given it away. But I could still hope that it was something completely different. I begged for the other explanation. "Please tell me that it has something to do with a teenage boy sleeping with his best friend's mother…"

"Ew, Leah. That's gross." Seth frowned.

Yeah, but it was better than the other reason Jacob would need pillows and blankets. I'd much rather think that Jacob was trying to score with my mom than to hear what came out of my brother's mouth next.

"Jake's going to stay the night here tonight," Seth explained. I groaned. Why was I continually being tortured in my life? I'd rather be bitten by the vampire again than have Jacob doting on me. _That_ was the definition of pain.

"We made an arrangement with Carlisle that one of us would be monitoring you at all times overnight." Seth nodded.

"Why the hell does that stupid doctor care so much?" I whined. Why couldn't Carlisle have been one of those physicians that just throws his patients out the moment they wake up from surgery. _"You just had half of your brain removed. Take a blue pill every day. I'll see you in five years for a check up…"_

"Look on the bright side." Jacob kicked his feet up. "We're having a sleepover," he said with a grin. "What should we do first? Paint each other's nails or gossip about boys?" He laughed sarcastically.

Seth decided to join in the fun. "We could gossip about boys _while_ doing each other's nails!"

Let's see, how many different ways were there to say this? Nien. Ne. Never. Nada. Not in a million years. Nope. Not gonna happen. Absolutely Not. Nee. Uh uh. Non. No chance. Neit. Negative. Over my dead body. No!

I just went with the traditional, "Hell, no." I shook my head.

"I told Carlisle we would watch you." Jacob shrugged.

"I do not need a babysitter."

"It's either this or we go back the mansion." Jacob offered me an ultimatum.

"I hate you so much right now," I snapped. "I can take care of myself."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Really? Let's see you get to your room without passing out from the pain," he sighed. "I remember how bad it hurts." He referred to saving my life a year ago.

"Yeah, but if I recall correctly your heart never stopped."

"Doesn't mean it wasn't broken." I had a feeling that he hadn't been meaning to let that comment slip out.

It was really crappy of Bella to lead Jacob on like she had. And it was even crappier of her to tell him that she was choosing Edward a day after Jacob had nearly been mauled to death. And of course, I hadn't made his situation any easier. I'd stormed into his room ranting and raving about how I didn't need his help. Everything I'd said was true, but maybe I could have waited until he'd mended a little more before ripping him a new one.

"Look, my mind is made up. I'm staying." Jacob leaned into the couch comfortably. He looked at Seth. "You want me to take the first shift?" he questioned.

"Sure," Seth said. "I'll set my alarm for four."

"You two seriously aren't going to stay up to watch me sleep, are you?" I snorted. "That's borderline creepy. It's psychopathic stalker behavior."

Seth just ignored me as he trekked off to his bedroom.

"This is complete bullshit. You two are totally overreacting." I rolled my eyes.

Jacob didn't respond as he poked one of my broken fingers.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" I exclaimed.

"You can't even move without flinching. You need help," he said matter-of-factly.

I sighed. When I exhaled I felt a pain in my ribs. Damn it. He was right. That really annoyed me.

"Relax." Jacob laughed. "Just stop being so bull-headed and let me help you. That's what I'm here for. If you want something to drink I'll go to the kitchen and get you some water." Yeah, and he'd probably spit in it, too. "If you start to hurt I'll grab you a few aspirin." What kind of game was he playing here? Why was he being nice to me? I mean, I know I'd almost died, but I was starting to get the feeling that Jacob Black _actually_ cared about me. "And if you have to go to the bathroom…"

"I am _not_ using a bedpan," I said seriously. He laughed and I gave him a curious look. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"I'm not the monster you make me out to be." He shrugged. "And despite what you may think, I actually care about your well-being." He looked like he was thinking something over in his head. "Besides I don't feel like listening to Seth whining about how his sister died because she was too stubborn to let anyone help her."

"Real nice, Jacob."

"You're the one who keeps saying that we're taking this too seriously." He smiled at his own joke. His face went from relaxed to questioning. "Hey, you want to tell me what the hell happened out there with that leech today?" This wasn't the first time he asked me the question. And it probably wasn't going to be the last either. He was like a dog with a damn bone. He just wasn't going to let it go.

I glanced away. I really didn't feel like reliving today. I had always been the "never look back" kind of person. Plus, I still wasn't sure what had happened. I didn't really fight back as much as I could have. At least, not until the vampire threatened my pack.

"Got kicked in the ribs a few times, fell off of a cliff, and got bitten by a vampire." I edited the story quite a bit.

"You don't remember any more than that?" Jacob questioned.

"Bits and pieces of terrible pain." I shrugged nonchalantly. I did recall waking up and being in Jared's house. I remember being nauseated when I saw all of the pictures of him and Kim.

"What did the leech want?"

"I don't know. We didn't really sip tea and do the whole small-talk thing."

"So he just attacked you for the hell of it?" Jacob chuckled sarcastically.

I shrugged uncomfortably. "He muttered something about the battle last year. The one with the newborns?" I saw Jacob's eyes get wide. "Ever hear that phrase 'revenge is a dish best served cold?' Well, that vampire was pretty damn cold."

"He was one of Victoria's?" Jacob growled.

Victoria had more demon kids than Angelina Jolie and Mia Farrow combined. So it really wasn't a surprise to me that one of them had managed to get away from us. Too bad it was the one who had seen one too many horror movies about torture. I laughed darkly. I could see the vampire curiously watching _Hostel_ and _Saw_, taking notes, thinking, _"Hmm…I never thought about using household tools for THAT__ purpose…"_

Of course, it was just my luck that I'd ended up fighting the _one_ vampire who didn't just want to kill me and get it over with. Nothing in my life was ever simple. I never got anything I wanted. Why should I get to die?

"That bloodsucker is so lucky that Sam is the one who went after him and not me…" Jacob grumbled.

Not that Sam hadn't made the vampire suffer. Jacob filled me in about how Sam had knocked the vampire over and bitten his dick off. I wasn't able to hold my tongue as I responded.

"It's not the first time he's had a dick in his mouth. I always knew he was a cocksucker."

Jacob's hands were vibrating. Geeze, he was getting really worked up about this. He needed to calm down before he broke my mother's new end-table.

"If I were Sam I would have gone a step further and shoved the vampire's dick in his ass. Then I would have replaced his eyes with his testicles."

"Nice mental image." I frowned, thinking about a vampire with balls for eyes walking around screaming "Ow, my ass! There's a giant rock in my ass!" Wow, Jacob had really put a lot of thought into killing the vampire.

After a moment, he calmed down. It was silent for a few minutes and then Jacob started with the "twenty questions" again.

"How did he manage to get you so torn up before you phased?"

_Uh, because I let him._ I held my tongue. I didn't want to talk to anyone about this, let alone Jacob. He wouldn't understand. He'd probably freak out and accuse me of being suicidal. Though I don't think that I truly was. It's not as if I wanted to die. It's just that I didn't care if I did.

"I don't know, Jacob," I said impatiently. "He handed me an anvil and told me to walk off of a cliff." That sounded very cartoony. I chuckled in amusement. I pictured an animated little me taking a step off of a cliff holding a heavy anvil, and then holding up a sign that said "Uh oh" or "Crap" when I realized there was no ground beneath me. I laughed again. With my foul mouth, I was more likely to be on a cartoon like _South Park_ or _Family Guy._

"How did…"

"Can't you just drop it?" I complained. "I don't want to talk about it." That was probably one of the stupidest things I could have said. Boys always took that phrase as some sort of challenge. As if girls were some manipulative secretive species. I paused to think about it. We really were enigmas.

Jacob was still looking at me, irritated that I didn't answer his question. "Let's just watch Leno or something." I reached for the TV remote. One of my ribs popped and I grimaced.

"Stop pushing yourself so hard. That's why I'm here." He snatched the remote off of the table.

I expected him to give the remote to me, but instead he started flipping through the channels looking for something he'd like.

"This is _my_ house." I frowned. "Give me that remote."

"Why? It's not like you can flip through the channels." Jacob shrugged. "Your fingers are broken."

"I know _one_ that's completely healed." I held up my middle finger on my rapidly healing hand. It hurt, but it was worth it to shoot the bastard the bird.

I grumbled to myself on the couch as Jacob flipped back and forth between some stupid Japanese game show where dorks tried to get through an obstacle course to some cheesy sports show on ESPN.

I let out an aggravated growl as I tried to get comfortable on the couch. I don't know why I didn't just get up and go to my bedroom. Maybe it was because I knew that Jacob would follow me as I tore out of these vampire clothes to change into something that didn't smell like death. Hell, he'd probably offer to _help_ me. If he did, it was going to be the last thing that he ever did.

Besides, the thing I wanted _least_ in this world was Jacob Black in my room. This stupid "sleepover" thing was going to get blown way out of proportion. If I found out that he was bragging to his friends that he was with me all night, I was going to strangle him.

I was just going to have to wait until Seth's shift with me to disappear into my room. He wouldn't follow me when I stripped down. It would gross him out too much. And while he was out in the hallway grumbling about how gross it would be to see his big sister naked, I could lock my door and laugh at his stupidity.

I looked over at Jacob, who was fidgeting. He looked like a kid in class who was ready for school to be over. I bet he was dying of boredom. Maybe if I pretended to fall asleep, he would get so bored that he would leave.

I closed my eyes and tried not to think about the dull aches in my body. I felt completely drained. Maybe I wasn't going to have to "pretend" after all. The day's events quickly caught up with me, and before I knew it I was actually starting to drift away.


	9. Let’s fight the pain away

**Chapter 9:**

**Let's fight the pain away**

I still wasn't sure whether today was worse physically or emotionally. Broken bones hurt, but at least they heal. Emotionally, I was an utter wreck. How had I been okay with leaving behind Seth and mom, knowing how much it sucked to lose a family member? I started to tremble when I thought about how close the vampire had come to destroying me. How close I had _let_ him get to destroying me.

I shook as I thought about the evil drooling face of the leech. I could see his hard face grinning at me in my head. I really wanted to punch him. I thought about how satisfying it would have been to knock his stupid pointy teeth out of his skull. Of course, with my luck, once I punched him my knuckles probably would have been cut by his teeth and his venom would have poisoned me anyway.

As I thought about the venom burning through my body, I started to sweat. The feeling of dying slowly came back to me. All of my emotions were burning through my skull. My eyes flew open and I heaved forward, gasping for air. I sounded like a wheezing, dying donkey.

I heard Jacob stumbling around the room. He had moved to the chair to give me space on the couch.

"Crap." I heard him hit his shin on the table. "Piece of mahogany junk." He rubbed his leg as he fell on to the couch. "Leah, what is it?"

_I can't fucking breathe. I'm having a panic attack, you moron._ I grumbled in thought. By the time he reached my side, I had regained my composure. I took a relaxing breath and shook my head. Panic attack be damned. I was a fearless bitch. I wasn't going to let a little bit of fear slow me down. I would chase the panic attack away with an axe in one hand and a shovel in the other.

"Uh, nothing. Bad dream," I muttered out. Really bad fucking dream. I shuddered as I tried to get the past twelve hours out of my mind. My eyes had adjusted to the dim light now and I could see Jacob looking at me with concern.

"Leah? You okay?" There was an edge of panic in his voice.

_Dandy._ I mumbled in thought. "Fine. Why?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. "For a minute there, it sounded like you stopped breathing."

And...that's when I stopped holding my breath. I didn't even realize that I wasn't breathing. I laughed sourly to myself. _So, you need oxygen to live? Huh, who knew? _Normally, I didn't have to remind myself to breathe. That was something that had come naturally to me for…oh…about the past twenty years. But apparently my brain had run away for a little while, putting up a sign that says "back in five minutes." It just couldn't have been a sign that said "Remember to breathe?"

This must be that "shock" thing I'd heard so much about. I guess I was having a delayed reaction to everything that happened today. I was still so angry at myself for almost dying. And for letting a creepy little vampire get the better of me. _I_ should have made _him_ suffer…not the other way around.

"Your heart rate is a little fast," he said with a frown. I felt Jacob's hand on my wrist to verify my heart rate. I glared at him. Like my pulse was going to be any different than what I know he could hear with his ears. He shook his head. "Geeze, it's really racing."

"Yours would be too had you been through what I went through today." My hands were shaking. It was weird to feel my hands vibrating considering I wasn't angry. I was completely terrified. And the fact that I _was_ terrified scared me even more. I had never known fear. Fear was stupid. I actually think that had been my first full sentence when I was a child.

"There's no need to be scared honey. It's just a little scrape." My dad had leaned down to patch up a cut on my knee.

"Fear is stupid. I'm just mad," I'd pouted. "Stupid tricycle."

I continued with the "fear is stupid" phrase as I got older. I think my parents probably got sick of hearing it. I'm sure there were times that my parents got tired of having such a fearless child. There was one time they had taken me to the doctor to get a check up or something and my mom cuddled me close, assuring me that everything was going to be okay.

"Don't be afraid, sweetie…"

"I'm not afraid, mommy. Fear is stupid." I had paused and looked around the room. The wallpaper confused me. It was too bright. "Why are there pictures of purple puppies and blue kittens all over the wall?" I had questioned. "I've never seen any pink Beagles in real life." I'd never even flinched when I got my shot. I just looked at my mom. "Can I have macaroni for dinner tonight?"

But no matter how stupid I thought that fear was, I could not hide my emotions as my entire body shivered. _Stupid emotions_. I figured I would start blaming something other than fear at this point.

"Are you hurting?" Jacob asked softly.

_Always_. I thought darkly. I shook my head. "No."

"Then why are you shaking?" he questioned.

_Because as Seth pointed out to me twelve times on the way home, I died. My heart stopped. For the first time in my entire life, I actually almost gave up today._ I didn't answer him as I let my thoughts run wild. I had never given up on anything in my entire life. A lot of people hated me for my bull-headed persistence. But it got me where I needed to go in life. I had a lot of drive.

Jacob was looking at me like he wanted to comfort me, but he was afraid to get too close. Was I really that intimidating? Hmm, talk about a confidence booster.

"Take it easy, Leah. You're sweating."

"Sorry that I can't control my perspiration as well as you can," I laughed sarcastically.

He felt my forehead and then nodded as if he was satisfied. I was hot, but apparently not so hot as to make him worry. God, how high had my temperature gotten today that my current fever _wasn't_ freaking him out?

"Do you need anything?" Jacob asked.

This "helpful" thing was getting on my nerves. I snapped back automatically.

"Yeah. For you and everyone else in the world to leave me alone." I immediately regretted losing my temper. Why couldn't I just let others help me?

"Just stop shivering. You're freaking me out," Jacob said back in a harsh tone.

"I'm so sorry that my almost dying is an inconvenience to you." I rolled my eyes. _Shut your big mouth, Leah. He's just trying to help._ I snapped at myself.

Jacob didn't snap back like I thought he would. He gently put his hands on top of mine to try and control my tremors. Astonishingly, I didn't push him away.

"You're okay. Just relax." Yeah, easier said than done. "I don't care what you threaten to do to me in my sleep, I am here to help you. So, stop shaking." He said it slower and calmer this time.

I was done with the smart aleck remarks. The only thing I could do was swallow a knot in my throat and look him in the eyes.

"I can't, Jake." I couldn't stop the shaking. "I died today. I was dead. I almost lost everything I ever cared about. It would have killed my family." I realized that now. "Bad things just keep happening to me, and no matter what I do, they won't stop. I am so sick and tired of pain, but if I give in…if I give up…I'll hurt the ones I love the most. So, I can't. I can't stop shaking."

He didn't say anything for a moment. "Yes, you can. You're stronger than anyone I know, Leah."

Then why did I feel like such a weak little girl right now? Normally, I would kick my own ass for acting like such a sissy. I had been that kid on the playground that beat up the boys because they wouldn't let me play rough with them.

_"You don't want to play with me because I'm a GIRL? How's THIS for girly?"_ I'd given the kid a wedgie and then beaten the crap out of him. _Yeah, run and tell all of your little friends that a GIRL beat you up!"_

I had _never_ been delicate. But right now I felt pretty freaking breakable.

"I can honestly say that you're the only person I've ever been afraid of," Jacob nodded.

"That's true," I laughed. "I can kick your ass any day of the week."

"Oh, as soon as you're healed, it is _so_ on." Jacob threatened me. He laughed softly and leaned forward to hug me. I think he was at the point where he would try anything to get me to stop shaking. I was too tired to shove him away. And as much as I hated to admit it, I needed him right now.

* * *

**Jacob's point of view:**

If Leah didn't stop shaking soon, I was going to call Carlisle in a panic. He would probably very kindly tell me that I was overreacting and needed to take a Xanax. I'd heard him utter that once before. It was when Bella was going through her transformation. I don't know who was freaking out more...me or Edward. But between Edward bothering Carlisle asking him medical questions over and over again, and me muttering smartass remarks every two minutes, Carlisle had lost his patience with us.

"Would you two both please go take a Xanax and let me do my job?"

I had been so surprised by his remark that I bellowed a laugh. "Certainly. Where do you keep the good drugs around here?"

Edward kept the humor going. "Hall closet. Top left. I find the Prozac to be more effective."

"Damn, you guys actually have a sense of humor? Where the hell has that been the past two years!?"

But I don't think drugs would do me any good right now. I fed on other people's emotions half of the time. And right now, I was as tense as Leah was. As much of a bitch as she had been to me in the past, I could not deny that I cared about her. I didn't like to see her hurting. I knew that this was coming. She had been whimpering in her sleep a few minutes ago. The overprotective douche in me wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But I knew she would tear my limbs off if I did that. Leah was trickier than that. I had to manipulate her into letting me help her.

I had used the "TV" thing as a ruse. I really didn't give a crap about watching ESPN, but I knew that it would bore Leah to sleep. And once she was asleep, I just turned the volume down and stared at her. I _should_ have felt weird. Leah was right...watching people sleep is creepy. But all I could do was count her breaths and listen to her heart. If she crashed under my watch, I would never forgive myself. Plus, Seth would kill me.

I felt a bruise forming on my shin where I had stupidly tripped over Sue Clearwater's new table. Sue would probably be more concerned about the table than my leg.

_"Jacob Black, did you dent my new table?"_ She knew I would heal. So did I. But that still didn't make the knot on my leg feel any better. It would be gone in ten minutes, but it still hurt like hell right now.

Leah was still shaking. And it was really starting to freak me out. Before today, I had _never_ in my life seen Leah Clearwater trembling, except the time she had the flu a few years ago. I had brought some soup over from my dad. I knew she wouldn't accept it without a fight. And I was right. I ended up with chicken noodle soup all down my front.

"Why did you waste that perfectly good meal?" I had grumbled.

"Because it looked like vomit." She'd groaned and then hung her head over a bucket. I glanced at the mess on my shirt and had to agree with her.

"Yeah, you're right. Vomit with worms," I had shrugged. "And chunks of meaty flesh."

She let out another groan. "Ohhhh, shut up, Jacob!" Apparently, I was making her sicker.

"Come to think of it, it kinda smells like vomit, too," I grinned.

"You're a jackass." She heaved out through the hurls.

After she had finished throwing up, she looked up at me. She looked pathetic, and it made me feel really bad.

"Alright, that was a dick move on my part," I had sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I don't care," she had said with a frown. Wow, I knew she must have felt like _death_ if she wasn't going to give me hell.

"Come on, I'm giving you a free shot." I walked over next to her. She was either going to punch me or throw up on me. Personally, I hoped she threw up on me. She punched pretty damn hard.

"Just leave me alone to die," she had moaned as she fell back on to the couch.

"Aw, it can't be that bad."

"I haven't eaten anything in three days and I'm _still_ puking," she had said. "How is it possible to throw up when there's nothing in your stomach?"

"Do you want me to get you anything before I leave?" I had questioned.

"Yeah, if you see my brother, kill him for getting me sick."

Seth hadn't been nearly as ill as Leah. In fact, I think he'd only thrown up once. It hadn't taken him very long to recover. I'd always heard that happy people aren't sick for very long. In Seth's case, he should _never_ be sick because I never saw him without a smile on his face. Happy little freak.

As I turned to leave that day, I noticed that Leah was shivering. She muttered something about fevers and how much she hated them.

"It's like my damn body can't make up its mind. _I'm hot. No, I'm cold. No wait, I'm hot again._ Just freaking choose a temperature already!" She threw off her blanket.

I thought about how the fever had made Leah tremble that day. I didn't like it then, and I didn't like it now.

"Okay, seriously, Leah? You've got to stop shaking. You're liable to make the entire town think there's an earthquake."

She laughed and then pushed me away from her. I had to fight every urge in my body not to embrace her again. Because she still hadn't stopped shaking. I leaned forward, but stopped myself.

_She'll kick you in the nuts again._ I warned myself. And that really freaking hurt. Not that I'm surprised she did it. In fact, I would have worried had she _not_ kneed me in the balls.

I saw her watching me like I was crazy. I don't know why it was so hard for her to understand that I cared about her. Maybe it's because we were constantly fighting. Did she not get that my way of showing love was to be a complete jackass? The more I loved someone, the more I fought with them. Hell, with as much as Leah and I fought, we should be married by now.

_"I hate you!"_

_"I hate you more!"_

_"You're a bitch! Marry me."_

_"Fuck you, asshole. How about a summer wedding?"_

_"Sure, because I want to sweat my balls off in an itchy tuxedo. Great idea, genius."_

_"Just stop being a moron and kiss me. And I'm not wearing some white fluffy dress."_

_"You can't tell me what to do. We're not married yet! And you can wear whatever the hell you want."_

Leah startled me out of my really weird, random daydream. "What's with the stupid look you're giving me?"

I just shook my head. "I'm concerned about you. Your pulse is still racing."

"Well, I feel fine." That was complete bullshit. I had always been able to tell when Leah was lying...for the most part. "Besides, it's not like I can control my heart-rate. Would you prefer it not be beating at all?"

"Don't be an idiot, Leah." I rolled my eyes. I honestly don't think that Leah knew how much she meant to everyone in the pack. We fought with her and gave her hell, but we still loved her. I was reminded of that today when Quil and Embry called the Cullen's place to check on her. Not once, but twice.

"It's for you, dog." Rosalie had thrown the phone at my head.

I had caught it with a grin on my face. "Hey, that almost hit me!" I'd sighed dramatically. "It's so hard to find good help these days." I knew that would piss her off.

It did. Rosalie had growled at me and raced out of the room to go and play with her surrogate child. I think Nessie had mellowed Rosalie out tremendously. She de-bitch-ified her. I shook my head. _De-bitch-ified_. Was that even a word?

When I had answered the phone, I'd heard Quil on the other line.

"Hey, how's she holding up?"

I looked at Leah. She was not doing well at all. And I wasn't going to lie to my best friend.

"Not so good. The vampire bit her."

"What?" It sounded like he'd dropped the phone. I had heard someone scrambling on the other line.

"Quil? You there?"

"Dude, what the hell did you just tell Quil? He just phased in Jared's living room!" Embry had exclaimed.

I heard Jared yelling at Quil in the background. "You better get your ass outside! My house is a mess as it is." He sounded like some grumpy old housewife. I could just picture Jared wearing an apron and baking muffins next to Emily. "I'm going to kill whoever bled all over my floor!"

"Tell him there's no need since she's already dying," I had snapped.

"Leah's dying?" Embry had gulped.

"What?" Jared stopped screaming at Quil and grabbed the phone from Embry. "What do you mean she's dying, Jacob?" he'd questioned.

"I mean the leech that was apparently hiding out two miles from _your_ house, where you and Paul do _your_ patrols, tortured and bit Leah," I had grumbled. I knew it wasn't their fault, but I didn't have anyone else to blame at that moment, so I'd just decided that I would blame them.

Jared's voice was barely a whisper as he'd responded, "Oh, I imagine that's what has Quil so angry." He sounded like he was in shock.

"Why? What's going on?" I heard Paul in the background. God, it was more chaotic there than it was at the Cullen's.

"The bloodsucker bit her."

It was silent and then I heard a crash.

"Shit. Jacob, I've got to call you back. Paul just broke my dining room table." Jared had grumbled. He'd thrown the phone down. "Kim is going to kill you! That was her grandmother's!"

The line went dead after that.

I didn't want to think about what transpired after that. I'm sure Jared ripped into Paul for tearing up his house. I could just see Jared lecturing Paul and Quil about keeping control of their temper.

_"Sorry doesn't bring back Kim's family heirloom, does it? Don't you try those puppy dog eyes on me. I INVENTED that move!"_

The second time they called was right after Leah crashed. I think Sue had just gotten off the phone with Alice when it rang again.

"Whom in the pack do I have the pleasure of speaking with?" Alice had asked with an irritated tone. She knew it had to be one of the wolves because she couldn't see who was calling. I always loved to mess with her future telling power. My favorite thing to do was to stand right next to her and grin at her. "How's it feel to be blind?"

It was Embry on the other line. I saw Alice's face get soft in sympathy. I don't think she liked feeling sympathy for us.

"It's for you, Jacob." She had handed me the phone.

"Yeah?" I had grabbed the phone.

I wasn't at all surprised that Embry was the one who had called. He had always been calmer than the other boys. Maybe Jared figured that Embry would be able to keep his emotions in check.

"Jake? Is it true?"

"I see Sam talked to you," I'd said angrily. It was always like Sam to go off and spread panic before he knew the whole story.

"Please tell me Leah isn't really…" He couldn't finish the statement.

"No. Sam's wrong. When is he ever _right_?" I had rolled my eyes.

"She's okay." I heard Embry breathe a sigh of relief.

"Thank God." Quil was apparently standing right next to him. "Who else would I fight with if something happened to her?"

"She's alive?" Collin was there at Jared's now, too.

"I still say we find a way to bring the leech back from the dead to torture him," Paul had hissed.

"If you're going to get angry, do it outside," Jared had warned Paul. Again, frumpy housewife with an apron on. I was going to start calling Jared "Carol Brady."

"She's really okay?" Embry had questioned.

I'd sighed, "I don't know yet. Carlisle got her heart started again, but we don't know anything for sure. He says the effects of vampire venom in werewolves is poorly documented. They don't know anything about it because no werewolf has ever survived it."

"But she's still breathing?" Embry had asked.

"She's still unconscious." I think I had handed the phone to Seth at that point. I was too tired to answer any more questions. And I knew they wouldn't pester Seth for very long. He had a way of making people shut up and feel sorry for him.

I don't think he was on the phone for more than ten seconds.

"Yeah. As soon as we know something, we'll let you know." He had hung up.

The room was silent except for the monitors that she had been hooked up to. Carlisle was watching her like a hawk. I just remember thinking that as soon as Leah woke up and saw a vampire staring at her, she was going to murder everyone in the room.

Less than four hours ago, I was watching Leah die before my eyes. And now she was sitting in front of me, trembling again. I was pretty certain that her shaking had nothing to do with pain. And I wanted to help her, but she wouldn't let me. That just infuriated me.

I thought about the last time I had been in pain. In her own way, Leah had helped me by fighting with me. Maybe that's what I needed to do in order to make her stop shaking. She saw me in deep thought and immediately teased me.

"Don't rupture a brain vessel trying to figure out whatever it is that has you so confused," she said. "I mean, pre-school math isn't _that_ hard," she quipped.

"I know what you're doing." I understood that fighting with me was a way to deal with whatever it was that was bothering her.

"You're weird, Jacob." Leah curled her lip up at me.

"And you're a crazy person," I smirked back.

"Why are you here if you're just going to insult me?" she questioned.

"Our cable is out and there is supposed to be a sale on sports memorabilia on the Home Shopping Network that I don't want to miss." I played with the TV remote.

"You watch the Home Shopping Network?" She laughed. "You are such a pansy!"

She could call me anything she wanted to. I looked over and saw that she had finally stopped shaking.

"Well, this _pansy_ has the TV remote," I smirked at her. I laughed evilly to myself. _Ha, my master plan is working._

I probably shouldn't have let my guard down because as soon as I did, I got hit in the face with an empty coke can. I just looked at her and stuck my tongue out. I only did that because I knew that annoyed her.

"Do you lick a lot of girls with that tongue, Jacob, or is it mostly boys?" she snapped.

"Nope. Just you and your ankle." I was going to get hell for that once Leah was back to full strength. She was going to kill me.

But it was a price I was willing to pay.


	10. How much weirder can this night get?

**Chapter 10:**

**How much weirder can this night get?**

**Leah's point of view:**

Jacob and I joked back and forth for about half an hour. It was only after I threatened to shove the remote up his ass that I realized I had finally stopped vibrating like an unbalanced washing machine.

"Hey, I'm not shaking anymore." And the award for _duh_ goes to Leah Clearwater!

"Good, you pulled the vibrator out of your crotch." Jacob laughed.

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe he'd just said that.

Jacob looked proud of himself. "Don't tell me that I just shocked the cruel and vulgar Leah Clearwater? I thought your first word was 'coochie.' And not in the cute 'coochie, coochie, coo' way."

"You are a pervert." My jaw still hadn't retracted.

"Yeah, like being in my head for the past eighteen months hadn't already given that away?" Jacob rolled his eyes.

I had to think of the perfect comeback. I sat there in silence trying to figure out how I could "out-gross" him.

He looked so happy. I wasn't used to seeing that look on him. As I saw him smirking at me, I thought of the perfect thing to say back to him.

"Why are you so happy all of a sudden?" I questioned and then nodded. "_That's_ where the dildo went. Up your ass. Is that why you're so chipper?"

"Impressive." Jacob liked my comeback.

I leaned back against the couch, satisfied with myself. When I leaned against the cushion, I felt a dull pain in my ribs. I sighed. This "healing" thing was taking a lot longer than I would have liked. I was starting to get impatient. I was one step away from yelling at my body.

"What time is it?" I yawned.

"Almost two," Jacob said.

"Oh, goody. Only two more hours before my overprotective brother starts checking my pulse every three minutes." Seth was going to be worse than those annoying nurses at the hospital who came in to check your vitals every hour on the hour.

_"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"_

_"No, the giant cuff on my arm cutting off my circulation woke me! But now that I'm awake, please continue to torture me. How about you give me a rectal with your giant man hands? Or, why don't you let a blind guy put in my IV? I'm sure it wouldn't take him FOUR HOURS to find a freaking vein! Where the hell is that vampire doctor? At least HE can place an IV!"_

The ranting in my head was interrupted by Jacob chuckling to himself.

"What's so funny?"

"Don't worry. Seth won't be bothering you tonight."

"Jacob, what did you do?" I looked at him warily.

"I reset his alarm for noon."

"And why would you do that?" I asked.

His expression was softer now. "Leah, you aren't the only one who went through a lot today. The kid needs his sleep. He's barely able to function as it is. He's been running himself ragged to keep up with the pack. And the whole thing with you and the vampire today…well, it kind of threw him for a loop."

He was looking out for Seth? That was kind of sweet. I wish he was watching _him_ sleep instead of me. I could just picture Jacob Black watching little Seth Clearwater in his sleep. And cue the _Brokeback Mountain_ music.

"He'll be pissed when he wakes up and realizes it, but he's better off with a good night's rest," Jacob shrugged.

"And what about you?" I asked.

"I never sleep," Jacob admitted.

"Oh, is _that_ why you're such a moody little ass?" I joked.

"No. I'm an ass because my best friend is a vampire," he quipped back. "And I'm moody because I'm a werewolf."

I couldn't argue with him there. Being a wolf was not the best life to live. It was downright exhausting. It S-U-C-K-E-D, sucked! Now I was spelling things out in my head? What was I? A little peppy high school cheerleader?

I tried to get comfortable on the couch. It was to no avail.

"Come on, you can't be comfortable there. Let's get you to bed," Jacob suggested.

"Whoa, easy there, Tiger. I don't show boys my bedroom until the third date." It was nice to have my humor back again. Who knew that torturing Jacob would be the thing that brought me back from the dead? Was I _actually_ happy?

"You little slut." He laughed.

"Bastard." I smiled back.

"Bitch."

Oh, he wanted to go? I was _so_ ready to go. This fighting was just what I needed.

"Runaway." I grinned at him.

"Harlot."

"Dick."

"Wench."

"Ass."

"You already called me that," Jacob smirked. "You're slipping, Leah. I win."

I laughed lightly. "Whatever." I went to stand up. I wasn't nearly as off-balance as I had been a few hours ago, but I still wasn't steady. I shot my hands out to try and balance myself and Jacob had his arms out for me to latch onto one second later.

"Why didn't you tell me you were getting up?" He gave me an irritated look.

"Because I didn't think that it would take much effort to get to my room."

"Damn it, what did we _just_ talk about? I'm here to help you! Why do you always insist on doing things the hard way? Will you not be satisfied until I have to run you back to Carlisle to sew up a huge gash in your head after you fall and smack your skull against something?" He started muttering to himself. "I swear, you are so pigheaded that you remind me of…" He stopped short of finishing his statement. It was a good thing, too. Because if he was getting ready to compare me to Bella, I was going to dig my fingernails all the way through his arm.

As if he knew exactly what I was thinking, Jacob frowned at me. "You two _are_ a lot alike, you know."

"Do you have a death wish?" I gawked. If he started pointing out the similarities that I shared with Bella Swan-Black-Cullen-or whatever the hell guy she liked this week's last name was, I was going to kill him.

"No, but the two of you certainly do," he snapped. "It was hard enough watching Bella end her life. I'm not going to watch you do it, too."

"Bella isn't dead, you idiot." I rolled my eyes.

"She might as well be." Jacob snapped under his breath. "Look, when I care about someone, I sure as hell am not going to abandon them. I stuck around for Bella. And I'm going to stick around for you, too."

"I never asked you to care about me."

"That doesn't mean I don't!" He lost his temper again. "God, what is with all the nutcase girls in my life? Why can't I just meet a nice, normal girl who actually listens to what I say?"

"Uh, because they don't exist." I let go of Jacob and started to walk forward. I nearly tripped over my broken foot.

"Stop doing that!" Jacob yelled. "You're going to end up hurting yourself even more!" He grabbed me before I could fall.

_Not possible._ I thought to myself.

"Why can't you get it through that head of yours that I'm _trying_ to help you!?"

"Jacob, could you maybe yell at me later? My head is kind of pounding right now." It wasn't. But I knew that would get him off of my case.

It did the trick. He helped me to my bedroom without saying another word. It was a challenge for me not to smile as he helped me into bed. I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't chuckle at him _Ha, ha. You fell for my "woe is me, my poor head" act._

As I fell onto my bed, I glanced at him. "I think I got it from here."

"Sure, sure," Jacob nodded. His voice was calm again. I guess he'd cooled down from our argument. "Of course, you don't mind if I hang out for a little while, do you?"

_Yes._

"I mean…just to make sure you don't fall out of bed or, you know…stop breathing?" he asked.

"Are you going to read me a bedtime story, too?" I asked jokingly.

"Uh, once upon a time there was a horribly stubborn young werewolf who never listened to her ruggedly handsome friend…"

I frowned. "I think I know where this is going."

Jacob plopped down on an old beanbag chair and continued, "Well, one day, the sexy male-beast got to save the idiot werewolf and nurse her back to health…"

"If you continue, I will kill you…" I threatened.

"The heroic young man got to bask in the glory of being a hero, while the girl he'd saved learned a valuable lesson about life and love…"

I'd heard enough. I used up every ounce of strength I had left to hurl a pillow at his face. What was with this new hobby of mine of throwing pillows at people? Jacob caught the pillow and grinned.

"Thanks. I knew that if I asked you for one, you'd never let me have it."

"Didn't you hear my mom earlier? There's plenty of them in the hall closet."

"Yeah, right. Like I'm going to leave the room so you can lock me out. I'm not an idiot." Jacob laughed. Hmm, he was smarter than I'd given him credit for.

"Fine. I give up." I hit my head against the pillow. "You win. You want to take care of me? Whatever. Just stay out of my way, and don't go running to my mother after I claw your ass to pieces for pushing me too far." I was too exhausted to fight anymore.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I'm sure he was shocked as hell that I was going to accept his help…though not willingly.

Finally, he spoke up. "Don't waste all of that energy fighting me. You've still got a hell of a long way to go. Carlisle says that he isn't sure about the after-effects of the venom in werewolves." He glanced at the floor and softened his tone. "You're the first one to actually survive."

Yeah, and we still didn't know why. Technically, I should have been dead. Why I was alive was a complete mystery. I laughed in my head. It would be just my luck for me to be invincible. I'd be doomed to walk the planet forever as a miserable, angry shrew. I could see me still alive in 3010 when a group of aliens came down and threatened to overtake the Earth. I'd just chase them off with a machine gun and the soundtrack to the movie _Glitter_.

"Maybe my blood scared the vampire venom away," I chuckled darkly. I could totally see my white blood cells cussing at the vampire's venom. I don't know why the hell I wasn't dead. But one thing was for sure; my body was stronger than I'd ever realized.

"Regardless of what happened and no matter how hard you may be able to punch me, there's still a lot we don't know. So we're just going to do what Carlisle says."

"Great. So you're going to be babysitting me for a while?" Wow, this day just kept getting better and better.

"Yep. I'm not going anywhere."

It was silent again.

I sighed, "Thank you, Jacob." Had I really, actually just said those words? They just didn't sound right…especially with his name at the end. I felt like I should be washing my mouth out with soap or something.

He was just as stunned as I was. "So those pain meds the doc gave you are _finally_ kicking in," he teased me. He laughed softly, "Go to sleep, little stoned werewolf."

As much as I hated to admit it, I think having Jacob here was helping me. He and I were constantly butting heads, and that helped to keep my mind occupied.

I had started to drift off to sleep when I heard a noise outside. I was too drowsy to care. I heard Jacob stir a few feet from me.

"What is it?" I muttered sleepily.

"Don't worry about it. I got it." Jacob disappeared from the room. For half a second, I thought about getting up and locking him out. But that would require actually moving, and I didn't really want to do that.

I heard him open the front door.

"Sam?" Jacob questioned. I groaned. As if Jacob being here wasn't annoying enough. If Sam suddenly decided that he wanted to stay by my bedside, I might willingly go back to the vampire's house and let Carlisle monitor me. I'd love to see the look on Carlisle's face when I showed up on his doorstep.

_"Hi. Could you please lock me away in your house to protect me from all of the crazy men in this town?"_

"Jacob?" Sam seemed surprised at Jacob's presence.

"What are you doing here?" Jacob asked.

"I could ask you the same thing. You're supposed to be out running with Quil."

"I figured things had changed. Quil can handle it on his own." Jacob had disobeyed Sam to stay with me? That was a bit odd. "Why are you lurking around here at two in the morning?"

"I came to check on Leah."

"At two in the morning?" Jacob repeated his question.

"I also came by to get Jared's car back for him."

"Why does he want that piece of scrap metal back?" Jacob laughed. "If that ugly thing was my car, I'd report it stolen and buy a new one with the insurance money."

Yeah, because the twelve dollars that that car was worth would buy Jared a _better_ car. I rolled my eyes.

"Do you have the keys?" Sam ignored Jacob's hostility. "Jared needs his car back."

"Why? Where's he going to go at this hour in the morning? Bar hopping?" Jacob laughed dryly. I laughed into my pillow when I thought of Jared going clubbing and trying to dance on the dance floor with a bunch of slutty women. Kim would kill him.

"Jacob, the keys please?" Sam sighed.

"You'd have better luck pushing the damn thing back to his place," Jacob muttered. He fumbled around the living room and grabbed the keys. "There. Now, leave."

_Good. Get rid of him, Jake._ I laughed to myself. _And it might be nice if you punched him in the head, too._

"How is she?" Sam asked.

_Punch him! For Gods sake, punch him!_

"Why do you care?" Jacob spit.

"Of course I care, Jacob," Sam snapped back.

"You have a funny way of showing it," Jacob snarled.

_Wow. I just said punch him. Not beat him up emotionally._ Though the emotional beating was better than what I'd been wishing for. I was kind of surprised that Jacob was giving Sam such a hard time.

"Just run back to Emily and leave Leah alone." Jacob's throat rumbled.

Damn, he was really letting Sam have it tonight. Had something happened between the two of them that I was unaware of?

"What is your problem?" Sam asked.

Jacob lowered his voice to a whisper. "You gave up on her, Sam," Jacob snapped. "She was crashing, and you _bailed._ You did what you do best: you ran away."

"Look who's talking," Sam snapped. "You gonna run off when Emily and I tie the knot, too? Do you hate weddings _that_ much?" That one was kind of below the belt. But I wouldn't have expected anything else from Sam. He was a complete dick when he got angry. "I'm sorry that you feel I didn't do everything I should have. But I have responsibilities to the pack…"

"Yeah, and that's _all_ you ever think about Mr. Top Dog. It's always about 'the pack' this and 'the pack' that. But today it wasn't about the pack. It was about Leah. But you couldn't even take your nose out of your ass long enough to think about anything other than what _you_ were feeling."

"I know it's been a tough day. It's been hard on all of us…"

"Really, Sam?" Jacob asked sarcastically. "Because as far as I can remember, Leah is the one who died. And Seth and I were the only ones who stayed by her side through it all. Hell, even Embry and Quil _called_."

I vaguely recalled Jacob telling me that Embry and Quil had called to check on me once we got to the mansion. Alice had been the one who answered the phone. She knew before answering that it was someone in the pack because she couldn't see who was calling. That really irritated her. She got all pissy when she couldn't see the future. She was actually kind of cute when she was pissed. She was like an angry little midget. But she wasn't very threatening. _"Take cover, or she might punch you in the ankles…"_

Jacob continued to chew Sam out. "The one time you should have stayed with her...and you couldn't run away fast enough." I cringed. Hearing that hurt me because today was not the first time Sam had run out on me. I was reminded of the first time that he bailed on me. When he left me for Emily.

"I had to let the pack know…"

"Bullshit! You were using them as an excuse to leave. _I'm_ the one who told them what was going on when they called!" Jacob growled. "You know, I don't get you, Sam. You _claim_ you care about her, but you weren't there for her at all today!"

"I couldn't stand there and watch her die, Jacob!" Sam finally admitted why he didn't stay with me.

"You are such a chicken-shit," Jacob snarled.

"Hearing her last breath was too much for me." Sam was still angry. "I love Leah…" I scoffed when I heard that. He only loved me when I was in some kind of trouble. "And I could not stand to lose her."

"You shouldn't have given up on her, Sam. I didn't," Jacob said. "When someone you care about is in trouble, you _don't_ run out on them."

"What brought on this behavior?" Sam questioned. I was surprised that Sam hadn't thrown his Alpha command in Jacob's face.

_"I am the boss! You will listen to me! Wah!"_

"Two years of repression and having to follow a jackass who isn't even man enough to be there for someone he _claims_ he cares about."

The house went silent. For a moment, I thought that Sam had silently killed Jacob.

"That is _enough_, Jacob," Sam snarled. "I didn't come to fight with you," he said coldly.

"Seth isn't here to break us up this time," Jacob hissed.

Lucky for Sam, my mom was. I heard her walk into the living room. No doubt she was as pissed as ever for the disturbance.

"Is there a problem here boys?

"Not at all, Sue," Sam said. "I came by to pick up Jared's car, and I ran into Jacob here. I was checking on Leah."

"I appreciate your concern, Sam, but it's a little late to be making house calls."

I laughed sourly. My mom was not a woman you wanted to make angry.

"Yeah. It _is_ late. You should be going. _Run_ along now." Jacob emphasized the word "run."

"I'm sorry that we disturbed you." Sam apologized to my mother.

"It's quite alright," My mom assured Sam.

_What? No, it's not._ I snapped in thought. _Come on, yell at him. Tell him to get lost. Tell him it's too late for him to be lurking around our house like some big, creepy Saint Bernard._

"You'll call me to let me know how she's doing?" Sam questioned.

_You better tell him to go to hell, mom._

Jacob jumped into the conversation. "I'm sure she'll be phasing in the next few days to tell you off herself."

"Jacob Black!" My mother said in a warning tone. The irritation she had in her voice sounded exactly like right before she yelled at Seth or me. I laughed. Would my mother ground Jacob for his smart mouth? I could see Billy knocking on our door.

_"Um, Sue, have you seen my son?"_

_"Oh, yeah, I grounded him three days ago. He's sitting in the corner, thinking about what he did."_

Sam left and I heard Jacob and mom walking towards my room. It's amazing that I had gone from wanting to lock everyone out of my room to not giving a shit if they wanted to watch me sleep. Maybe the pain medications that Carlisle gave me _were_ finally kicking in. Or maybe I was just so damn tired that I honestly didn't care.

"Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable on the couch?" Mom questioned Jacob as they got close to my room. I found it hilarious that even though I was twenty-years-old, my mom still felt the need to treat me like I was thirteen and trying to sneak a boy into my room.

"It's a lot easier to hear her vitals for myself when we're in the same room," Jacob said. It was a good thing that my mom knew that we were werewolves, because I don't know what excuse he could come up with that would make logical sense to her while trying to maintain that we were human.

"I guess I'll have to take your word for it," Mom said unsurely. "Oh, and Jacob?"

"Yeah?" I heard him stop a few steps outside my door.

"You weren't completely wrong. I know Leah has some choice words for him. I've heard some of the things she calls him when she thinks I'm not listening. I'm sure she's corrupting you boys with her vocabulary," she laughed softly. "And though I don't agree with your blatant disrespect for Sam, I do appreciate you looking out for my daughter."

I could _hear_ Jacob grinning as he responded. "You're welcome."

I sighed to myself. This had been such a weird night. I couldn't wait to put it all behind me.

The trouble was, I didn't know if I could.


	11. Smother me, why don't you?

**Chapter 11:**

**Smother me, why don't you?**

When I woke up the next morning the first thing I saw was Jacob smiling at me from a little cot on the floor that he'd made for himself.

"Did you know that you snore?" he questioned.

A wonderful genetic disorder that I had picked up from my father. Most kids just inherited heart disease and anemia from their parents. Me? I sounded like a lumberjack sawing wood in my sleep. I had to remember to thank my dad the next time I died.

I figured I would give him a hard time this morning.

I gasped, "I never have before. Do you think it's related to the venom poisoning my brain?"

"You have to _have_ a brain in order for that to happen." He stood up and stretched. "Feeling any better this morning?" He turned around.

I flung one of my pillows at him and it smacked into his head with the speed that it had been lacking last night.

"Well, that was uncalled for." Jacob turned around and frowned at me.

"Hey, you asked how I was feeling." I laughed as I sat up. So far, so good. The room wasn't spinning.

"So you threw a pillow at my head?"

"Better a pillow than my desk lamp." I reached for the lamp jokingly.

"True," Jacob said.

I climbed out of bed and Jacob was next to me, ready for me to fall over. I just glanced at him and waited for him to get out of my way. I took a step forward and he huddled over me like a mother waiting on her newly walking baby to fall. Goo-goo freaking ga-ga.

"I've got to go to the bathroom. So unless you want me to piss all over you -- move," I ordered.

Jacob frowned, but after a moment he seemed satisfied with my recovery.

"You better let me know if you need any help."

"I might need someone to wipe my ass when I'm done. That's the perfect job for you." I rolled my eyes. "And while we're on the subject of the bathroom is it alright for me to take a shower, Your Majesty?" I said mockingly.

Jacob assured me that he would give me my privacy. And he did. But I still think he would have sat in the bathroom with me had he not been too busy being reamed out by Seth.

"What the hell did you do to my alarm?" Seth exclaimed.

"You're welcome for the good night's rest, Seth," Jacob said dryly.

"Why would you do that?" Seth whined. "I could have handled losing a few measly hours of sleep."

"I don't know. We lose sleep a lot. Two hours here and three hours there. And before you know it you've lost five hours. It all adds up," Jacob said with a shrug.

"Thank you for doing my math homework." Seth rolled his eyes. "I know you think that just because I'm younger than you that I need to be looked out for but I really could have managed last night."

"Oh, I'm sure you could have, kid." Jacob sounded like a parent encouraging his four-year-old son. _"I know you're a big boy."_

I'd left the two of them to argue with each other. Their fight wouldn't last. My brother didn't stay angry for very long. He wasn't very fun to fight with because he was so easy-going. I'm sure that by the time I shut the bathroom door behind me Jacob and Seth were busy having make-up sex or whatever it was that they did to get over a fight.

I still felt like crap, but at least I didn't fall over every time I stood up. Jacob even let me take my shower all by myself. I did threaten to castrate him if he tried to look in on me.

There were a few times that I peeked out around the shower curtain to make sure that Jacob wasn't sitting there reading a magazine, grinning at me and waving. That would have seriously freaked me out. Not that he hadn't seen me naked before. I had gotten to the point where I just didn't care who saw me naked anymore. I had such poor control of my temper that I'd ripped out of every outfit I ever loved. Hell, most of La Push had seen me without my clothes. I'd made the mistake of telling Jacob that once in an argument.

His response?

"Yeah, I know. We've all seen your centerfold photo."

I bruised his ribs that day.

I didn't want my shower to end. The longer I was in the bathroom the longer I got to stay away from everyone staring at me and asking me if I was okay. I might just kill the next person who asked me how I was feeling.

After I scrubbed my skin raw to try and get the vampire smell off of me I got dressed and trudged into the kitchen. To my surprise I saw my mother, Seth, Jacob, and Bella's father Charlie sitting at the kitchen table.

I glanced at a bowl in Charlie's hands. I started to worry about my sanity. Was I hallucinating? Why the hell was Charlie Swan sitting in my kitchen eating Froot Loops?

"Good morning, Leah." Charlie waved.

"Uh, hi?" _What the fuck are you doing here?_ Well, it's good to know that my brain filter was still working to an extent.

"I heard you took quite the spill yesterday. How are you feeling?" he asked the dreaded question. Well, I certainly couldn't kill Charlie. That would probably upset my mother.

"Much better. Thanks." _I still feel like complete ass. And also…why the hell are you here?_

"I'm glad to hear that. When I heard that you had been hurt I was very concerned. So it's good to see you up and about."

I cocked my head in confusion. How did he even know I had been hurt? I figured he was probably too busy moping around about losing his kid to the vampires. Of course, Charlie didn't know that Bella had become a bloodsucking parasite. As far as he knew Bella had contracted a rare tropical disease while on her honeymoon with Edward. Yeah a disease called _pregnancy._ And maybe some Chlamydia from the 1900's.

I was still not completely sure what the Cullens were planning to do now that Bella was one of them. Renesmee complicated things. When does a kid _not_ complicate matters? I still didn't understand why people who had no right to be parents in the first place continuously popped out squalling little infant brats.

Jacob seemed convinced that Bella and her family wanted to move away as soon as possible. They would tell Charlie that Bella was being treated by the doctors at the CDC in Atlanta. God, what a horrible place to have a center for disease control. You'd pull off on an exit and someone would wave you down, _"There's a crackhouse right down the road and a Waffle House at every exit. Welcome to Atlanta."_

"So, Charlie…" There really was no getting around asking this question. "What are you doing here this morning? In our kitchen? Eating My Froot Loops?"

"Technically, those are mine." Seth intervened. "The Cinnamon Toast Crunch is yours."

"Charlie stopped by to see how you were doing and I found out that he hadn't had any breakfast yet. So, I whipped something up," my mother explained.

"You must have slaved over the stove for hours," I said dryly.

"Your sense of humor is still intact, I see." My mom glared at me.

Charlie stood up and smiled at my mother.

"Thanks for the quick breakfast, Sue." He took one more bite of cereal. "I should get to work."

"Anytime, Charlie," Mom said. "And keep me posted on Bella."

Jacob and Seth turned away to hide their discomfort. They didn't like lying to Charlie. Mom didn't either, but she was better at it. Sam had updated everyone in the council about Renesmee's birth so my mother knew that Bella wasn't sick anymore. But Charlie still thought his daughter was gravely ill. Bella was so selfish. I couldn't believe she was going to put her father through so much agony. I mean, how hard was it for her to just tell him over the phone, _"Hey, daddy, I suck blood now. But you still love me, right?"_

I mean, my parents still loved Seth and I after they found out that we buried bones in our spare time. Then again, the stress of it all basically dug my father's grave.

"I certainly will." I saw the pain in Charlie's eyes...and that pissed me off. I wish I had a video camera so I could record poor Charlie's heartbreak. Then I could shove it in Bella's face to show her exactly what she was doing to her dad.

Charlie told me once again how glad he was that I was okay and then he ran off to protect the town from petty criminals and annoying thugs.

"Poor Charlie," Jacob sighed.

"Are the Cullens still planning on moving away?" my mother asked curiously as she watched Charlie climb in his car.

Jacob muttered a few cuss words under his breath. He didn't want to lose Bella again and it pissed him off to think that she might just pack up and leave after everything he had done for her. That was one way Jacob was a complete and utter dog. He was more loyal than anyone I'd ever met in my life. Well, besides Seth. Seth wrote the book on loyalty. The kid had come out of my mom with more compassion than anyone on Earth. It's like Mother Teresa and the Pope had mated and had a baby. I'm sure he was crying to himself when my mother was breastfeeding him. _"I've been on the right side for too long! The left one will feel so left out!"_

"I think they're still trying to figure out what to do," Seth said quietly.

I was torn. For Charlie's sake I hoped that Bella found a way to stay...just because I didn't want him to be heartbroken. Maybe it was because I'd lost my own father to a heart attack, but I was kind of protective of Charlie. I think my mom liked having him around. It almost sickened me thinking of just _how much_ she liked having him around.

I wasn't going to complain if the vampires did leave for good. I still didn't understand the reasoning behind why they wanted to pack up and leave. Bella had this crazy idea in her head that she would be better off never seeing her father again. _"Yeah, thanks for knocking mom up, raising me over the summer, and loving me with all your heart. Later, dad!"_

"I don't know what they're planning," Jacob grumbled to himself.

"Well, I hope that Bella considers her father's feelings before deciding anything that's too rash."

"Ha!" I laughed out loud. I glanced at mom and saw that she was wearing a serious expression. "Oh, you're serious?" Bella actually considering Charlie's feelings? That was rich. Had she considered his feelings when she got involved with the vampires and begged to become one of them?

There was a knock at the front door.

I grumbled, "Who else did you tell about yesterday?" I glanced at my mom. I don't know if I could take all of these "well-wishers."

Seth bounded to the door and answered happily. "Oh, hey guys!" He waved Quil, Embry, and Billy in.

"Oh, great. The entire town is here," I muttered to myself.

"You be nice." Jacob warned me. "They've been worried about you."

"_Be nice_?" I scoffed. "When am I _ever_ nice?"

"Hey, there she is." Billy wheeled in first. Oh, I got it. Send in the old man in the wheelchair to try and soften me up. Smart move on the boys' part. "How are you feeling?"

"Considering the number of times I'm going to be asked that question maybe I should just hire a sky-writer to plaster 'Leah's not dead' across the sky."

"With your luck, a cloud would cover up part of it and the entire town will see 'Leah's…dead' instead of the actual message," Jacob shrugged.

Yes. And then I'm sure they would throw a party.

"Yeah, but at least if people thought I was dead they wouldn't hover over me like I was some kind of incapable idiot," I mumbled.

"Are you sure you were even hurt?" Billy laughed. "You seem like the same Leah to me."

"That's what I'm told." I glared at Jacob. What I really wanted to say was _"get your damn kid off of my case."_

"You know, Billy, I'm glad you stopped by. Charlie brought by some of your fishing equipment." Mom stood up and walked towards the front door.

"So it was _his_ car that I left it in." Billy followed my mom.

Quil and Embry helped themselves to some breakfast. My mom was apparently feeding the entire town of La Push now.

I glared at them from across the table.

"You can't be mad at us for checking in on you," Quil grinned. "We come bearing gifts."

Crap. I hated flowers and candy. Well, maybe I didn't hate candy. I wouldn't mind if they brought chocolate.

Quil disappeared for a second and then came back in the kitchen. He pulled something out from behind his back with a huge smile on his face. At first I thought it was some kind of joke. He was handing me a Nerf gun.

"Uhhh, thanks?" I took the toy gun and examined it closely. Maybe he had hidden the chocolate inside.

"I knew you didn't do the whole 'flowers and cards' thing. So I just got you this to shoot things at people when they start to annoy you."

"You got her a weapon?" Jacob frowned disapprovingly.

This was just too perfect.

"Relax, there's no hard ammo or anything. It's loaded with plush darts," Quil said.

"Oh, I don't need ammo." I laughed. "I can just pistol whip the crap out of people." I glanced at Jacob. He was going to be the _first_ person who was going to get a black eye with the toy. He was glaring at Quil angrily.

I looked at Embry and chuckled. "I don't know how you can top this." I squeezed the toy gun playfully.

"Well, my gift is kind of for your mom." Embry pulled a crumpled up piece of paper from his pocket.

"So, I die...and my mother gets presents?" I questioned. Before I could use any more of my trademark sarcasm, he explained.

"It's a ticket to the arts and crafts fair. I had my mom get her one. I knew you'd be going crazy with her staring at you and asking you if you were okay."

That was actually the best present I could ask for. Looks like these two idiots knew me better than I had thought.

I took the ticket.

"That's pretty crafty," I said.

"No pun intended." Quil had to be a dork. He smiled at me. "_Crafty_?" He laughed. "Get it?"

I didn't say anything as I pulled the trigger on the gun he gave me. A plush sponge looking thing hit him in between the eyes. I busted into laughter. Almost dying is possibly the best thing that had ever happened to me.

My mom and Billy returned a few minutes later. I heard them chatting in the living room.

"How's he holding up?" Billy questioned. At first I thought he was talking about Jacob since he hadn't slept at all last night. I still don't know how he had managed to stay awake for so long. It's like he ingested an entire bottle of caffeine pills and drank a case of coke laced with methamphetamines.

"He's obviously upset," Mom answered. "I wish there was something we could do."

"His daughter is a vampire with a child. I don't think there's much we can do to help the situation." It was then that I realized that we weren't talking about Jacob. Unless he'd had an affair with a vampire and gotten her pregnant.

"I know," she sighed. "Sometimes the price we pay as parents in this situation is unfair."

I'd often wondered how my mother and Billy were able to deal with the fact that Seth, Jacob, and I were constantly in danger. I knew it was tough on them, but I'm glad they had each other to talk to it about. Charlie didn't have anyone who understood his situation. Technically, _he_ didn't understand the situation with Bella. I just hoped that Bella wasn't going to string her father along much longer.

Quil and Embry didn't stick around for very long. I'm sure they were reporting back to Sam about how I was doing. I wasn't a complete moron. I knew they hadn't come here just to see how I was doing for themselves. Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if Sam had _ordered_ them to do it. Though the gifts were actually a very nice touch.

"Take it easy, Leah." Embry waved.

"Yeah. And try and phase back before the week is out. Me and some of the other guys made a bet about how long it was going to be," Quil said. "I have three days," he said quietly.

"Get lost." I laughed as they walked out of the kitchen.

"We better get going. I told Carlisle we'd be there by ten." Seth pushed his chair away from the table and stood up.

"What are you talking about?" I glanced at Seth.

"Now you see why I'm pissed that he gave her a weapon?" Jacob muttered. He sighed as he looked at me.

"We've got to run by the mansion for Carlisle to check your vitals," Seth explained.

"I thought that was the point of having Jacob here all night," I grumbled.

Wasn't he in charge of my breathing and my heartbeat and all that crap?

"Technically, you should have had Carlisle monitoring you. He's the one who went to med school," Seth said.

"Yeah, two centuries ago," I muttered under my breath.

"We knew that you were going to be a pain in the ass, so we made arrangements with Carlisle so we could bring you home. He agreed, but recommended that we bring you back for him to recheck you today," Jacob explained.

"Just call him and tell him that last night went fine." I shrugged.

"Yeah, but Leah, you _weren't_ fine." Jacob shook his head.

I glared at him. "Yes. _I was_..." I quickly made a motion towards my brother that Seth couldn't see. I shook my head trying to let Jacob know to shut up. I didn't want to freak Seth out. "I mean, I'm alive this morning, aren't I?" I took a moment to pinch myself just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating or dreaming.

"Your heart-rate is still too fast," Jacob frowned. "And for that and for other reasons Carlisle needs to look you over this morning."

"This is stupid," I complained.

"Please don't fight. You'll just waste your energy," Jacob said.

"My _energy_ is just fine." I pushed myself away from the table and started to walk out of the room. I was still sore, but I was walking much better. Unfortunately, I wasn't fast enough to get away from Jacob and Seth.

"Why can't we just call him and tell him that I'm improving?" I grumbled as they dragged me out to my mother's car. I was acting like a five-year-old that didn't want to go to school.

"He called this morning and we told him you were feeling better," Seth said.

"Then why the hell are you making me go back out to The Haunted Mansion?"

"He still needs to check you out." Jacob opened the car door for me. I could have smacked him for his damn chivalry. For a split second I thought about bolting. If I could just get inside the house and make a mad dash for my room then I could lock myself to where they couldn't get to me.

"Don't even think about it." Seth shook his head.

Damn it. My brother knew me too well. I grumbled as I climbed into the car.

I complained the entire car ride over. It was childish and completely uncalled for.

It was so totally me.

* * *

**A/N: I am completely allowed to make fun of Atlanta. I love my beautiful southern city. It makes me laugh.**


	12. They're trying to kill us with food

**Chapter 12:**

**They're trying to kill us with food**

The last few minutes of the car ride I wanted to open the door and kiss the pavement. I was getting a lecture on how I needed to be on my best behavior. Apparently, Jacob and Seth were worried about how I was going to act around the leeches. I took the smartass approach when I drew in a sarcastic breath.

"What on earth would make you think that I would behave in a manner other than completely respectful?"

"Remember that they did a lot for you yesterday. Be nice." Seth warned me. "And don't call them any names. I don't think they appreciate it."

"Got it. Treat them like garbage and call them all bloodwhores," I nodded.

"Bloodwhores?" Jacob questioned.

"They suck more blood than a hooker does dicks," I grinned.

Seth frowned, "How are we even related?" He always got so uncomfortable when I spoke like I was one of his uneducated little gutter minded friends. He didn't like to think of his big sister as someone with such a foul mind.

"We both came outta mom's…"

"Stop, I don't want to hear anymore about mom's vagina!" Seth cried. I wondered what the leeches thought of this conversation. I know that they could hear every word we were saying. I imagine that Seth's statement would be an odd thing to overhear by accident. If they weren't staring around in confusion, they had to be dying in laughter. "Why are you tormenting me?"

"Because I am your sister and I love you. And I love to see you fidget. And because you forced me to come back here."

"God, I _must_ love you," Seth grunted. "The Everly Brothers were right. Love hurts."

Points to the kid for knowing that the Everly Brothers originally recorded that song. The only reason I knew that was because right after Sam broke up with me, I went digging through a bunch of my dad's old tapes at the house just to put on something so I could get rid of the screaming in my head. I had stumbled across that song and it turned out that I actually understood the lyrics. Of course, that might just have been because I was trashed out of my mind at the time I was listening to it.

It had been kind of embarrassing when my dad found me in the garage singing along to his tapes while stumbling around trying to dance in a drunken stupor.

He'd stared at me in shock when I spun around to face him. "Leah? What are you doing?"

I'd laughed a drunken response, "Stealing your liquor and listening to some old hippie music to try and forget that Sam left me." There was no way that I could manage to lie with a straight face to my dad. So I'd gone with the truth.

"You're lucky your mother didn't find you. She would tear into your hide."

He still gave me a hell of a lecture that night, but I didn't really remember any of it.

I snapped back into reality when the terrible vampire scent hit my nose. The smell of the manor was awful. I would rather brave the hospitals and choke on the bleach and lysol smell there than have my nose burn at this place.

Carlisle greeted us at the door with a smile on his face.

"I'm glad to see that you're doing better."

"Yeah, thanks," I muttered. The nice doctor was making it awfully hard for me to hate him. Maybe I would listen to my brother after all. It couldn't hurt for me to at least attempt to be nice.

Yeah, that theory lasted all of one breath. We hadn't even been in the manor more than two seconds before I opened my big mouth.

"What's that smell?" It was a rancid stench even worse than leeches.

"Esme made brunch," Carlisle said. That might explain why the house smelled liked a giant fart.

A vampire that cooks? That was just a little weird. I thought they liked their food raw. _Really_ raw. So now it wasn't enough that they attacked the local deer? They brought them home and shoved them in the oven for their guests? It was weird enough that these abominations were allowed to live. Now I had to picture the Stepford Vampires living their lives in perfection?

"Her omelets are awesome. You have to try one." Seth licked his lips.

"Wipe the drool off of your chin." I teased my brother. "By the way, does mom know that you let vampires cook for you?"

I could see my mom blowing a gasket over the fact that Seth was eating food prepared by the tribe's mortal enemies. Since when had the vampires become baking homemakers for werewolves?

_"I know we're supposed to hate each other. But here, have some of my award winning Cinnamon rolls."_

_"Delicious. I'm sorry, but I have to kill you now."_

_"Not until you've tried my Belgian Waffles."_

_"Oh, these are to DIE for. You must give me the recipe. Wanna be baking buddies?"_

_"Yeah! Let's have a Tupperware party!"_

Maybe that was the real reason the treaty existed. Maybe the Cullens had been bribing our ancestors with food for the past couple of centuries.

I watched Seth disappear into the kitchen like a hungry little dog.

Carlisle laughed, "That werewolf appetite is certainly something."

"It was nice of Esme to cook for us," Jacob nodded.

"It gives her something to do," Carlisle smiled. "You two know that you're free to have whatever you'd like." He waved us into the kitchen.

"See, Leah? This is one free service that I know the hospital doesn't offer," Jacob smiled.

When I walked into the kitchen with Jacob, I saw a bunch of food sitting all around the counter. God, Carlisle wasn't kidding when he said that cooking kept Esme busy.

The vampire scent here was overwhelming. I don't think I could eat in this house if I was starving to death. Ugh, the crappy quality hospital food would probably still be more edible than something that a leech prepared. I could see myself in the cafeteria in the hospital trying to decide what to have.

"_I'll have the mashed potatoes that look like vomit."_

_"Yeah, that IS vomit. One of the cooks has the flu. He's a patient here today."_

Suddenly, the vampire food wasn't looking so bad. But I still wasn't very hungry. I could just eat something when I got home…if Charlie hadn't polished off all of the food in the house.

"You're trying to fatten us up, aren't you?" Jacob chuckled as we followed Carlisle into the kitchen.

Now there was something that made sense. Maybe the vampires were just trying to turn all of us into fat sloths so we'd be rendered helpless in a fight.

_"I'm going to kill you. But first, I'm going to have a massive coronary!"_ My sarcasm suddenly ceased when I realized that I was making fun of the very thing that had taken my father away from me. My god damn humor got on my nerves sometimes. But it also got me through some of the toughest moments in my life. It was definitely a love/hate relationship.

I saw Seth chattering happily with the rest of the Cullens. They were gathered like some happy, little family. Edward and Bella were trying to get Renesmee to eat some baby cereal. She wasn't having any part of it. This was the first time I'd really actually been in the same room with the vampire baby. She looked kind of normal. And unlike her parents, her heart was fluttering in her chest. A fast heartbeat. Hmm, something I shared in common with the littlest leech.

No. I would not start making comparisons between myself and a child that was half vampire! I didn't need another reason to hate my life.

"Morning everyone." Jacob waved as he entered the kitchen. He was in an oddly joyous mood. Maybe he'd dipped into Carlisle stash of drugs here at the house. Or maybe his lack of sleep was finally getting the better of him. He might be at that place beyond tired where everything is just funny.

I used to live there a lot. I was an insomniac after Sam broke up with me. I spent most of my nights lying awake in my bed grinding my teeth down to nubs and thinking of ways to destroy my ex-boyfriend. One morning after a few weeks of not sleeping, I sat at the table with my family and laughed all the way through breakfast because I couldn't get over the fact that the little cartoon cook on the Cinnamon Toast Crunch box looked exactly like my fourth grade science teacher. When my mother asked me what I found so humorous, all I could do was chuckle and respond,

"You ever notice how all of the cartoons on cereal boxes look like they are tripping out on acid?"

Seth was the only one who laughed. Like his sister, he tried to find humor in most situations.

That day, my mom sat me down and had a "mom" talk with me about drugs and alcohol. I don't know how the subject steered so off-course, but for some reason we started talking about sex. That's when I pretended to fall asleep so I wouldn't have to have the conversation of my mother's very first time.

I saw Renesmee smile at us. She cooed happily and waved…the little freak _waved_…at Jacob.

He smiled at her. "Good morning, Nessie."

I heard Bella mutter something to herself and I chuckled. Jacob had told me all about how Bella hated that he called her daughter "Nessie." Personally, I think it was a hell of a lot better than _Renesmee_. That sounded like some druggie drag queen's name. Since Bella hated the name Nessie so much, I decided that I was going to call her that as well.

Nessie touched Bella's face with a puzzling look.

My guess was _"Why do I have to eat this crap?"_

"Because it's important to get a balanced meal," Bella answered her silent question.

Nessie shook her head and pushed her hands against her mother's face with more force. I imagine she was throwing a mental tantrum.

_"I don't want cereal! I want blood! I want blood! Give me blood before I scream and turn purple!"_

"You should listen to your mom, Nessie." Jacob tried to help. He muttered quietly, "Because when Bella doesn't get her way, she's a complete terror to be around."

_She's a terror to be around anyway._ I grumbled in thought.

"It's good for you." Bella begged her daughter to eat the shit they'd put in front of her. "Don't you want to grow up to be big and strong?"

At the rate she was growing, the kid was going to be a giant by her first birthday. She didn't need some off-brand, puke-worthy cereal for that.

"They go through this every morning," Jacob explained to me. He lowered his voice and laughed quietly. "The kid wins every time."

"I don't think she wants cereal." Rosalie pointed out.

"Yes. Thank you, Rose. Very observant," Edward said bitterly. Something told me that he was getting tired of his sister backseat parenting him and Bella. I'm sure it could be helpful to have a built-in babysitter at times, but I bet Blondie got annoying after a while.

"Perhaps she would like pancakes instead," Esme offered. Yes, fill the demon child up with sugar. That would end _so_ well. Nessie shook her head when Esme offered her more human food.

It was a weird thing to hear Esme offer. Children Renesmee's age should not be able to ingest a stack of pancakes.

"It's no use, Edward," Bella sighed. "Let's just give her what she wants."

Sure. Give the child everything she wanted in life. Because _that_ wouldn't spoil her at all. I laughed hysterically. Watching these two morons trying to be parents was the funniest thing I had ever seen. Nessie was going to be one of those co-dependent nutcases who still lived at home with mommy and daddy when she was well into her forties.

_"Wah, wah, I am a loser!"_

_"Honey, she's crying again."_

_"Well, I sure as hell am not going to plop one of these granite old boobs in her mouth. She's forty-four years old. It's about time she learns to fend for herself."_

Nessie stuck her head in the air and turned away from her food.

"Come on, it's good." Seth walked over to Nessie and looked at her bowl of food. He pretended to take a bite of the cereal.

Edward shook his head. "She's not buying it, Seth. But thank you."

"Look, I'm eating a bite." Seth went a step further and took a tiny bite. The expression on his face said it all. He made a face as he swallowed it. I chuckled.

"Ugh, it tastes like crap." Seth accidentally let his thoughts slip.

"Very helpful." Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Rosalie, he's just trying to help." Esme scolded her daughter.

"Let me try," Jasper offered. I was surprised that he'd said anything. He was normally very quiet…unless of course he was telling old war stories. What was it with soldiers and wanting to relive the glory days where they were constantly being shot at and spending months at a time in trenches smelling each others sweaty balls?

_"I remember this time I saved my buddy and ended up with shrapnel in my ass. I was so pissed that I couldn't sit down that I told the medical officer to patch me up so I could go back out there and get shot at again."_

Still, I had some respect for the vampire…as much as it killed me to admit it. At one point in his life, he had cared so much about something that he was willing to risk his mortal life for it. I sighed. It would be nice if I had something that I cared about that much in my life.

Besides, I had some friends off the Rez whose parents were in the military. And they were some of the coolest people I knew. My hat was off to them for constantly fighting for our asses.

I watched curiously as Jasper stepped forward. He kept his eyes on Bella. Something told me that he didn't really trust Bella with her own child. Which just made me laugh more. I guess DFACS would never have to get involved if there was trouble. If Bella screwed up, Jasper would be on her ass so fast that she'd never know what hit her.

Jasper and Nessie stared at each other in silence for a few seconds and then Jasper offered her a spoonful of the horrible little baby cereal. I could smell it from across the room. It smelled like sour milk and cat litter combined. No wonder the kid was begging for blood. I gagged at the scent. How had Seth been able to actually ingest it without throwing up?

I looked at my brother. He was inhaling an English Muffin. That kid was a garbage disposal that would eat anything.

Nessie turned her nose up at first, but then she looked at the food inquisitively. And even though she knew it smelled like crap and tasted like crap, she ate it anyway.

Alice smiled as she watched Jasper feeding the baby. "He never ceases to amaze me." She glided over to her husband's side and hugged his arm playfully.

We watched as Nessie ate the baby food and then looked around for more.

"How did you do that?" Bella gawked.

Edward responded before Jasper had a chance to. "You made her _crave_ the cereal?" he asked in shock. "You made _my_ daughter…_your_ niece…_feel_ that hungry?"

"You did want her to eat it, didn't you?" Jasper questioned.

That whole "emotion manipulation" thing that Jasper did must extend pretty damn deep if he could make an infant have the munchies for smelly baby food.

"Hey, Leah, you should come try this French toast," Seth grinned. He was working on eating everything that Esme had put out for us to eat.

"No, thanks." _I'd rather eat what they're forcing on Nessie,_ I said in thought. Edward glanced at me. Crap. Stupid telepathy.

"Aren't you the least bit hungry?" Jacob questioned.

"Oh, sounds like something your girlfriend might say to you, Snoopy." I heard a voice from behind me.

I knew it was too quiet in the kitchen. There had been one chatterbox leech that was missing.

"Oh great." I rolled my eyes. "Vin Diesel's stunt double is here," I frowned as Emmett walked into the kitchen with everyone else.

"She walks, and talks." Emmett laughed as he walked up behind me and Jacob.

"She _hits_," I responded quickly.

"Pretty damn hard." Jacob added as he grabbed a plate and started to fill it with crap.

All the vampires were staring at me and it was making me uncomfortable. I wanted to scream out _"What the hell are you looking at!?"_ but I refrained because there was a kid present. I was irritated at myself for actually caring about not wanting to corrupt a vampire baby. If she wasn't around, I could say whatever the hell I wanted. I could call her dad a mental mindfucker. I looked at Edward. I knew he'd heard me. _What do you think of THAT, Edweird_? He just shook his head and ignored me. _I'm talking to you, asshole._ I really wanted to say that out loud. Why did I have to actually care about being civil around Nessie? Freaking children. They ruin everything.

I grumbled at myself, _You're just bitching because you know you'll never have them_. It was easier to be angry about it than accept it in tears. I saw Edward glance at me out of the corner of his eyes. It almost looked like he was feeling sympathy for me. That angered me. But again, I couldn't call him a mind invading son of a bitch because I had to "censor myself" for the drooling infant.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like something to eat, Leah?" Carlisle questioned.

"No, just do your medical animal testing on me so I can get out of here," I shrugged.

"Alright." I was surprised that the doctor had kept his temper with me for this long. I wasn't exactly the easiest person to treat. "Edward, would you be so kind?" He glanced at his son.

"You really think I'm not going to be honest with you after the speech that I spit at you yesterday?" I asked Carlisle. "Trust me, you'll know exactly what I'm thinking."

"You little liar." Jacob was going to go with us as well.

"Great, anyone else want to volunteer to make my life more of a living hell than it already is?" I questioned.

Emmett decided to be funny and follow us. I don't know what he thought his job could be. I know Carlisle was going to be examining me. And Edward was going to be trudging through my mind. Jacob was going with me solely just to be an overprotective asshole. Emmett wouldn't do much good as a bodyguard today because I actually had most of my strength back. I think he was just going to annoy me. He was like a very aggravating older brother…that I wanted to kill.

I nearly bit through my tongue as we walked down the hallway together. I almost broke into song, _"Hi ho, hi ho. It's off to piss in a cup we go…"_

Edward found my little musical mind funny and he chuckled. I was really, _really_ hating having him in my head. As we reached the end of the hallway, I thought about maybe going back into the kitchen to watch Seth destroy the omelets that Esme had made, and watch Nessie spit up all of that cereal Jasper had just fed her.

Either way I decided to go, this was going to suck. So I just let out a sigh

"Alright. Light me up like a freaking Christmas tree." I glanced at the machines that Carlisle had set up for me.

I just decided to grit my teeth and get it over with.


	13. Being the vampires lab rat dog thing

**Chapter 13:**

**Being the vampire's lab rat-dog-thing  
**

Carlisle led us to some medical room. What room in this house _didn't_ have medical equipment in it? I was starting to wonder how much the hospital hated Carlisle for running off with so much of their crap.

"You get your own private room and everything," Emmett said jokingly.

I frowned at Emmett as we were walking into what looked like Dr. Hyde's evil lair. He looked so happy that I thought he might whistle gleefully. I glared at him.

"You're loving this, aren't you?" I snapped at Emmett.

"Every second." He smirked. "And don't even think about trying to run. I'd hate to have to pin you to the ground and mess up that pretty little face of yours."

"I'd like to see you try," I muttered. "You seriously think you could take me?"

He pat his muscles like some idiot guy pumped at the gym showing off his steroid injected biceps.

_"Errr, I have high blood pressure, acne, and my testicles are the size of raisins, but I AM PUMPED!!"_

"You wouldn't last for more than thirty seconds. You're as tame as a kitten compared to me," Emmett said surely.

"Feral kittens have sharp little claws." I warned him.

"We'll see about that. One of these days when you're back to a hundred percent we'll see who would be left standing in a fight."

"Is that a challenge?" I questioned.

"You bet."

I heard Jacob chuckle. "Yeah, good luck with that, Emmett. My money's on the angry she-wolf."

"Have you _seen_ me in action?" Emmett continued with the bragging.

"Perhaps that's why she _knows_ she can defeat you," Edward teased him.

"That's cold, brother." Emmett shook his head. But he didn't look like he was angry. I think this was their way of having playful banter and showing their bromance shit. "Besides, I think I could handle her."

"If you even _try_ to 'handle' me I will tear you apart muscle by muscle," I snarled.

"Now, that's not very nice. I spent a lot of time and effort to get this perfect physique," Emmett pouted.

Yeah, being bitten by a vampire and having their venom turn you into a pale sexy God was _so_ hard. I rolled my eyes.

"You're already hard as a rock. You don't have to waste so much energy trying to look like Dwayne Johnson's younger brother," I said with a frown.

"Your insults are starting to sound more and more like compliments." Emmett continued to smile at me.

"Oh, yeah. You are a sexy beast." I laughed sarcastically. "Why are you even here? It's obvious you are the brawns of the family since you're severely lacking in brains."

"Aw, don't be mad at Emmett. I asked him to come," Jacob admitted.

"_Why_ would you do that?" I grumbled.

"He's offered to be your punching bag," Jacob said.

"No shit?" I gasped out a laugh. That sounded sensible and also…suspicious.

"Yep, if Carlisle hits a sore spot you can just smack him to your heart's content."

I looked at Emmett. "Why would you volunteer for something like that?" Not that I wasn't going to use that to my advantage. Every time Carlisle touched me I was going to sarcastically say "ow" and deck the big leech on steroids.

"I need a good massage," Emmett said with a laugh. I was getting the feeling that he was here more for comedic relief than anything. But it still might be fun to hit him. It only took me a moment to slowly realize that it would be like punching a brick wall. A very noisy annoying brick wall.

_Hmm, I wonder if kicking would be more effective_? I debated in my head. No. I'd probably just rebrake my foot.

The first thing Carlisle did was X-Ray me. Jacob decided to stay with me because he was afraid that I'd bail at the first chance I got.

For once Edward was on my side.

"She has no intention of running," Edward assured Jacob.

"Yet," Jacob said.

"Just get out of here so you don't fry your little swimmers," I snarled at Jacob.

He looked disgusted. "That's nasty, Leah. I don't want to talk to you about that kind of stuff."

"What should I have called them? Wolfy little tadpoles? Doggy cream? Ball milk? Puppy penis juice? Jacob's spooge?"

"Ugh, stop."

"Her mind is quite vulgar." Edward sounded almost surprised. Interesting...I had shocked the mind reader. "She has about thirty more of them."

"Perhaps it would be best if you stepped out, Jacob. The radiation isn't exactly good for you," Carlisle suggested.

"Apparently I don't matter because I can't have kids anyway," I frowned. "So we're just going to shoot radiation directly into my veins. I can't wait to glow in the dark."

Jacob still didn't leave. He just glanced at Carlisle. "I think I'll take my chances."

I was really regretting showing Jacob my vulnerable side last night. Now he wasn't going to leave me the hell alone.

Carlisle took my X-rays and was pleased at how fast my bones seemed to be healing. Though the hole in my shoulder was taking a bit longer. And my head was still kind of hurting. Otherwise, I was feeling back to my bitchy self.

Then he hooked me up to some machine that made me feel like a bad science experiment. I had to be a smartass when the room got to quiet.

"You know, this is not how I played 'Doctor' as a kid. And to be completely honest with you, 'Vampire Doctor' is a bit creepier." I frowned and imagined how I must look. I had so many wires running out of me that I felt like "The Six Million Dollar Werewolf." Of course with me it'd probably be more like, _"We can rebuild her. We have the technology. But…do we really want to?"_

Next we went to another room filled with medical junk and Carlisle took some of my blood. Edward took the vials when he had finished drawing. I dryly teased him about feeding it to his kid or eating it himself for lunch.

_Just so you know, if you happen to drink my blood it'll turn you into a monster…oh…wait…you already ARE__…_

Edward ignored me. That vampire was stuffy and wise beyond his years. What an old coot.

Carlisle checked my vitals. Unfortunately like the X-Rays, I didn't pass that little test.

"Can you close your eyes and concentrate?" Carlisle asked politely.

"Uh huh. And what exactly am I concentrating on? Am I trying to make someone's head explode with my mind?" If so, I don't know who I would choose to kill at the moment. Having Edward in my head wasn't fun, but I was also equally annoyed with Jacob for being so overbearing. I was kind of surprised that I didn't want to get rid of Emmett, too.

I glanced at him. He was still smiling. What did a vampire have to be so happy about? I thought about it for a moment. Emmett didn't annoy me nearly as much as the rest of the Cullens. I wouldn't voice my opinion out loud, but I found the bulky oversized vampire to be quite humorous.

Edward let out a laugh and looked at Emmett.

"She thinks you're funny."

_Why!?_ I shouted at Edward in thought. Why would he tell his brother that? I quickly decided that Edward's head was going to be the first one I made explode.

"Of course she thinks that. Because I am." Emmett had a proud look on his face.

"Maybe funny _looking,_" Jacob teased Emmett.

"Shut up. You're just jealous that I'm the Dane Cook of the supernatural world," Emmett smiled.

"That would imply that Dane Cook is actually funny," Jacob said. "Which…unless you're a total boozehound...he's not." I didn't disagree with Jacob there. I had seen some of the spazzy little comedian's stand up. It was just stupid.

"You're going to have about a hundred angry frat boys after you for that statement," Emmett warned Jacob.

Jacob gasped sarcastically, "Oh, whatever will I do? They'll chase me with their beer bongs in their Abercrombie and Fitch sweaters…"

Even though most frat boys were annoying, they were still not bad to look at. Most of them were overcompensating for something and always at the gym. So that made their bodies fun to drool over. I smiled to myself for a split second before I realized that Edward was laughing at me again.

_Say one word and I will maim you._

"Frat boys?" Edward questioned.

I growled angrily, "Carlisle, would you be mad if I tore your son's head off?"

Carlisle answered honestly and also managed to change the subject, "With your heart-rate as quick as it at the moment, I am more concerned about you."

Well, that was a good way to ruin my fun. I took a second to realize that I'd actually used the leech's name instead of coming up with some clever little pun to put down both doctors and vampires.

Carlisle was watching me and listening to my heart. I was officially creeped out by this. Jacob saw me tensing up.

"He wants you to concentrate on your breathing, Leah," Jacob explained. "Just close your eyes and do it."

Emmett rang in very quickly, "Ah, something _else_ your girlfriend might say to you."

Jacob finally got annoyed. "I don't _have_ a girlfriend you stupid jock-wannabe."

"Because you're an unfunny loser," Emmett teased him.

"And you're a regular Richard Pryor?" Jacob snorted sarcastically.

I tried to drown out the constant bickering of Fred and Ethel Mertz as I slowed my breathing down like the doctor asked. I huffed out an irritated breath and then closed my eyes. The sooner he was finished with his medical tests, the sooner I could get out of here.

I felt stupid. Like I was a pregnant woman in labor. I kept chanting in my head. _Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Try not to think about how ridiculous you sound to the mindreader right now. Breathe out. _I heard Edward laughing. _Shut up._ I groaned in thought.

"Hmmm, your heart rate is still a little fast." Carlisle sounded perplexed. "Even in your relaxed state."

"I'd hardly say I'm relaxed." I opened my eyes and shook my head.

"Nevertheless, your breathing pattern should have slowed your heart rate down."

"What's that mean?" Jacob jumped in with the questions immediately. He was such an alarmist.

"Perhaps nothing. It might just be that the shocks that were delivered to her heart yesterday changed and increased her heart rate."

"Funny what electricity does to the body," I said. _How about I stick my hand directly on a live wire just to see what happens?_ Of course, I quickly decided against that. I would never be able to get my hair straight again.

"How have you been feeling?" Carlisle took a penlight and flashed it in my eyes.

"Fine...except for me being blind now." I squinted my eyes together tightly.

"Interesting," Carlisle murmured to himself. "Your pupils are still a bit dilated." He explained his finding to me.

"Let me ask you something, Doc. You've seen cats, right?" Wow, I was really going overboard with the cat references today. I guess maybe I should blame Jacob for leaving the TV on animal planet all night.

He laughed. "Of course."

"Ever noticed how their eyes get large when they're pissed or freaked?"

"Yes."

"Just imagine that you take a cat into the veterinarian and the cat finds out the vet is a dog. How do you think that cat is going to feel being treated by someone that is of a completely different species that she is _supposed_ to hate?" I questioned.

"He's not the dog in the room," Emmett joked.

"Oh, that's good, Emmett. Piss the cat off more." Jacob decided to try and be funny too. Great. I was now in a room full of stand up comedians. Bad stand up comedians. Worse than Carrot Top.

Carlisle was the only taking this seriously. He flashed the penlight in my eyes again. I was starting to think that he _liked_ blinding me.

"Have you had any dizziness, ringing in your ears, or severe headaches?" he questioned.

"You're joking right?" I laughed. Of course I'd experienced all of those symptoms. I had freaking _died_ yesterday. I frowned at myself. How long was I going to beat that dead horse? So, my heart had stopped. I needed to stop reliving it. I cleared my throat and tried to be civil to Carlisle. "I haven't had any problems since I got up this morning." _Except for the fact that I had an annoying dog staring at me when I woke up, Charlie Swan was in my kitchen making googly eyes at my mother, and I was forced to come here in order for you to ask me medical questions that you probably already know the answers to. And your sons are both morons…_ That was directed at Edward. I took a deep breath and did my best to continue being nice. "Why do you ask?"

"Standard follow up care." Carlisle looked like he was concentrating on something important. "Compared to yesterday, how do you feel?"

I still felt like crap, but I was definitely improved from yesterday. At least I could walk without passing out now. And I was definitely back to my best insults. "I feel well enough to dance a little jig," I said sarcastically.

"Damn, and me without my camera," Emmett quipped.

"Look, I've told Jacob a million times. And I've told Seth a million and one…because he's a hell of a lot more persistent about asking...I'm fine. I don't need to be coddled. I don't need someone with me at all times or to be waited on hand and foot. I just want to be left alone." I hadn't been alone for more than ten minutes since I'd been attacked yesterday. It certainly would be nice if I could get a little time to myself to think about things. Hell, I would even settle for being able to scratch myself inappropriately or pick at my ass like some common loose-living guy.

I saw Edward's mouth turning upward in a smile and I snarled at him silently.

_Say it out loud and I will teach your child so many dirty words that she won't know what to do with them._ That was a threat that he knew I could follow through on, so he kept his mouth shut. _That's it. Good vampire. Next week, I'll teach you how to sit, beg, and roll over._

The last thing I wanted to think about was what Edward Cullen was picturing that I did when I was alone. I took a moment to register the fact that there was absolutely nothing girly about me anymore. Ever since I had become a wolf I was an utter wreck. There was a massive amount of crap underneath my nails, I never wore makeup or brushed my hair, and I didn't even own any nice clothes anymore.

I looked at Carlisle again. "So, are there anymore cups that I need to piss in or anything, or are we finished?"

"You do seem to be feeling better," Carlisle nodded.

_Haven't I been saying that for the past half hour?_

"How's your memory?"

Unfortunately still intact.

"Why? Are we having a history lesson?" I questioned.

"Take this seriously, Leah," Jacob snapped.

"Or what?"

"Or else I'll be sleeping in your bed instead of your floor tonight," he threatened. He certainly knew how to threaten me. "And I hog the covers," he said with a smirk. "And if you _don't_ take this serious enough, I _will_ go commando."

I gagged out a dry heave, but then decided that I sure as hell better take this seriously or else I would have to deal with Jacob's…nastiness.

"My memory is great," I assured Carlisle. "Where would you like me to start? I believe the earliest memory that I have is one in which I was mindfully chewing on some kind of stuffed animal whose ear came off. I believe I was traumatized."

Carlisle laughed softly. "We don't need to go that far back. I just need to know what you remember about yesterday."

Crap. Well, there was no getting out of it this time. Edward was tracking my every thought.

"What about it?" I asked.

"Jacob told us that the vampire that attacked you was part of Victoria's covenant."

"She was such a wonderful mother." I spit harshly thinking about the horrible little demons that bitch had created.

"Do you know why he attacked you?" Carlisle questioned.

"He was pissed that we helped you destroy her army." Well, that was an easy question that I really didn't mind answering. If all of his questions were going to be that easy then I had nothing to worry about.

"Did he say anything to you?"

_Uh, a lot, actually._ "Yes. Originally he wanted to come after you as well, but he found out about Alice's visions and decided to just go after the wolves instead."

"Figures," Emmett muttered angrily under his breath. "The little bastard wasn't even man enough to show his face around here. I would have ripped him to pieces."

"The vampire, did he…" Carlisle hesitated before he asked the next question, "Did he torture you as a way to get information out of you?"

"No. I'm pretty sure he bashed me around just for the hell of it," I said. "What does any of this have to do with my recovery?"

"If there is a chance that he wasn't acting alone then any information you might have would be helpful to us so we can act appropriately," Edward explained.

What exactly were they going to do if there _were_ more bloodsuckers out there? Watch me get my ass kicked again? If there were more vampires that wanted the wolves dead then the vampires wouldn't know and they would be just as vulnerable as we were. Alice wouldn't be able to see their future since we were involved. They would be completely blind…like I had been seconds ago thanks to Carlisle's doctoring.

As Carlisle checked some of my broken bones, I drifted off in thought. It didn't really hurt as much as yesterday. But I still had a scowl on my face as I thought about Edward's statement. "_If he wasn't acting alone." _I frowned as I thought of a bunch of psychopathic vampires barging into town and destroying everything that I loved. If the idiots went after my brother or my mom they would find out what _real_ pain was.

I wondered if they would find a way to work around Alice's ability. That was a little spooky to think about. I didn't like the Cullens, but I shivered when I thought about what might happen if we were getting ready to relive last year. A battle with a new army of newborns. They were certainly suicidal enough to take on the leeches. They might even try to hurt Nessie. I felt the maternal side in me kicking on and it really sucked. I didn't want to feel protective of a vampire's kid.

I saw Edward smiling at me. _God damn it. Can't I just think about things in private for once?_ I snarled.

I knew exactly what was going through his mind even though I couldn't hear the thoughts in his head. His little stuffy side couldn't hide the smugness radiating from his thoughts. _"Ha, you care about my daughter…"_ He was teasing me with his little smile.

_If you don't stop staring at me I am going to take your father's penlight and shove it directly through those little marbles in your face that you call eyes._

We had been silent for too long, so Jacob looked over at Edward.

"She's not in pain, is she?" he asked.

I answered quickly, "No, but someone in this room is about to be if he doesn't stop ass-raping my mind." I suddenly got an idea of how to get Edward out of my head. There was one particular memory of Jacob's that made me nauseous just to think about. It was about Bella, so I knew it would probably get Edward out of my head for at least a couple of minutes.

Back before Edward and Bella were the perfect little couple like Lancelot and Guinevere, Jacob had spent a lot of his time pursuing _his_ forbidden fruit. There was one time in particular he had pretty much forced Bella to kiss him. I remember that I'd laughed when Jacob phased and we all saw the memory in his head. I thought it was downright hysterical because Jacob threatened suicide unless Bella made out with him. I found that so hilarious because I thought _I_ was the only suicidal one there that day. I thought about how Jacob felt after the kiss. And about how strongly he knew Bella felt as well. She didn't love him like she loved Edward, but there was something there. And I knew that had to make Edward uncomfortable. So, as queasy as it made me to think about Jacob and Bella shoving each others tongues in their mouths, I replayed the memory in my head with a smile on my face that was directed at Edward.

Even though I know he was irritated he managed to keep his tone calm as he grumbled at me.

"That won't work. I've seen that replay in Jacob's head well over a hundred times."

"What replay?" Jacob questioned. My God, he could be such an idiot. How could he _not_ know what I was torturing Edward with?

"The day of the battle with the newborns," Edward said with no emotion in his voice.

I saw the realization slowly wash across Jacob's face. He shook his head and scolded me. "That's low, Leah."

I just shrugged at him. "You're the one that did it."

The look on his face conveyed it all. _Yeah, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat._ That's something that Jacob and I shared. We loved to make ourselves miserable. I can't count the number of times that I had wanted to go crawling back to Sam and beg him to take me back. Just because I hated his guts didn't mean I didn't still love him with all of my heart. There were days that I was so pissed at myself for letting him still hold my love for him over me. Those were the same days that I wished I'd never forgiven my cousin. I think forgiving her might have been one of the stupidest things I'd ever done. Because if I had just let her and Sam walk away without my forgiveness then I wouldn't be forced to act all civil around them now.

Carlisle softly interrupted my thoughts, "Is there anything else in particular that you can remember?" Perhaps it was a good thing that I was thinking about Sam and Emily because now I was no longer thinking about the events of yesterday.

"Uh, no." I shook my head. And I focused my thoughts back to how much my cousin and my ex-lover had hurt me. "I don't think that there were any more leeches lurking in the shadows." Paul and Jared may have missed the one from yesterday on their patrol, but I highly doubt that their lazy asses would miss more than one. Besides, I didn't get the feeling from the vampire yesterday that he was working with anyone. And _usually_ my intuition was pretty good.

"Very well." Carlisle looked away from me and to Edward. "Edward?"

"Her shoulder is still sore, but she's feeling alright otherwise."

_You forgot to mention the new pain I've been experiencing._ I paused and Edward glanced at me in curiosity. I grinned at him_. I've got a very annoying pain in my ass…and I'm looking at him._

"I'll get some pain medications for you to go home with," Carlisle said.

"You don't have to do that." I shook my head.

But he disappeared from the room anyway. We sat in silence for a few seconds, but then we heard a squeal from the kitchen. It was followed by laughter.

"Dude, I bet Nessie just threw up all over Rosalie," Jacob grinned.

"I should probably go down there and keep her from ripping Seth's head off for laughing at her," Emmett said.

"Come on. Let's go laugh at her." Jacob smiled at me.

"Let's do some basic math here. There's two vampires in here. One is leaving. That means one is left in the room. Now, there's five vampires in the kitchen. Five and a half if you count the demon child. And one more is heading that way. The last I checked one vampire is significantly less than six and a half. I'll take my chances here with the mindrapist."

"You could have just said 'no,'" Jacob laughed as he followed Emmett out of the room. "I'm right behind you. Your wife is really funny when she's angry."

"And hot, too. You should see her angry during sex," Emmett said with a twinkle in his eye.

"Ohhhh, I did _not_ need to know that," Jacob groaned.

Those two "enemies" acted more like the idiot frat boys I had been swooning over earlier. If I didn't know any better I'd think that they were becoming _friends_.

I stared with my jaw dropped as Jacob trotted out of the room after Emmett. So he hadn't minded frying his balls when I was getting X-rayed, but he was willing to leave me alone in a room with someone he hated more than I did?

Edward watched me silently. I glared at him and tried to keep my mind silent. I found myself tapping my foot impatiently waiting for Carlisle to get back so I could get the hell out of here.

Edward broke the silence.

"It's actually a good thing that we're alone. I was hoping I would get a chance to talk to you about something."

What the hell could a vampire want to talk to me about in private? I perked up and sat down across from him.

This was going to be good.


	14. I'm being psychoanalyzed by a vampire

**Chapter 14:**

**I'm being psychoanalyzed by a vampire. Great.  
**

As Edward and I glanced at one another I thought about how uncomfortable I truly was just sitting here. I was going to thrash Jacob for leaving me alone with the mindfucker.

"So, what's on your mind? And you're going to have to talk out loud since I can't impose on your thoughts like you can on mine," I said. I grumbled silently to myself. It seems like every supervillain had cool powers nowadays.

"I'm not as evil as you make me out to be." Edward shook his head.

"Have you ever eaten a human?" I questioned sarcastically.

"Yes, but…"

"Evil!" I didn't let him finish.

"We all make mistakes, Leah. And I have been living with mine for a long time," Edward sighed.

"Ah, evil _and_ old. Steven King should do a novel about your life." I chuckled.

He did what he did best, he ignored my hostility. "The guilt that I have had to live with…"

"_That's_ the problem. You shouldn't have been allowed to live." That was really cold, but I couldn't change the way I felt. If he were human and he had taken the life of someone else he would be dead or sitting on death row.

"Yes, I know." Wait, had he just agreed with me? I was too astonished to say anything. Edward took my silence…including the black space in my head that was trying to understand why he'd agreed with me…as an opportunity to continue his explanation. "There was a time when I struggled with why I had been allowed to live after the things I had done." Since when did vampires feel remorse? "In fact, if it weren't for Carlisle and his unbelievable forgiving nature I might have gone a completely different route than the one that I am on now."

Great. He was going to tell me how much his adopted daddy loved him. It wouldn't have been so bad, except for the fact that I found it incredibly disrespectful considering that my father was dead.

"My intention isn't to make you feel that way." Edward read my thoughts. "I just thought that you should know that you are never as alone as you feel."

"What are you babbling about?" I couldn't understand why this conversation had taken this turn. "I thought you said you wanted to talk to me. Not analyze me."

"Back in the kitchen I overheard your thoughts."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, _Of course you did. That's really annoying, you know._

He nodded stiffly, "I've been told that."

"And yet you still do it."

"At times it can be frustrating. Your thoughts aren't exactly easy to be around…"

"Now you're insulting me?" I gasped out a laugh.

"No," Edward said calmly. "But since you are obviously not sharing what you feel with others around you it's a good thing that I _can_ hear your thoughts."

"Stay out of my head." I frowned. "I can deal with my issues by myself." _Been doing it my entire life._

"But you don't have to," Edward sighed. "I know you think that no one cares about you."

_And why do you care what I think?_ I couldn't believe that I was having this conversation with a vampire. And I wasn't sure why I was thinking my responses rather than speaking out loud. Nothing about my life was making any sense lately.

"I know there's something you're hiding about yesterday," he said quietly.

There was no way in hell that I was going to let a _vampire_ into my head and see what I was really feeling. I let out a low growl and a sarcastic laugh.

_Is this the part where you ask me about my feelings_? I thought harshly.

"If you're willing to share them." He nodded.

_NOW you're asking for my permission to invade my mind? It's a little late for that, isn't it?_ I grumbled and continued out loud. "Besides, I would rather die of boredom listening about your tortured little life than to share anything about mine with _you_."

"There's not much to tell." Edward took my request seriously. "I'm sure you know a majority of it already, as I know that Bella has shared some of it with Jacob."

"Doesn't that piss you off?" I questioned.

"She cares for him greatly, and he has done a lot for her. I'm not proud of the way I left things with Bella when my family and I moved a few years ago."

That time really sucked. Not because the leeches moved away…that part was pretty cool. But it was a difficult time for me because that's when my dad died. I cringed when I thought about it. That year was really crappy. It started with Sam leaving me, then Bella starting trotting around the Rez using Jacob for his mechanic skills…the only skills the damn dog had. Then I found out I was a descendant of White Fang. Not long after that my dad died. But at least Bella stopped coming around after that.

I'd really gotten sick and tired of seeing Bella around the Rez after Edward left her. She always looked like Death's nappy sister. It killed Jacob to see her like that, but he did all he could to try and keep her spirits up. Then she'd rushed off to save her precious Edward from the hands of some giant group of evil vampires that liked Italian food or something. She had just taken off and left him heartbroken. I remembered seeing him moping around Sam's property, all angry and huffy like some little three year old that didn't get the toy car that he wanted for Christmas. I'd found him sulking in Sam's shed and kicking a lawnmower.

I had been looking for a place to hide out from Sam and Emily. They'd both been way too affectionate with me about my dad's death. When Sam hugged me I almost blew a fuse. I had only phased a few times and wasn't very good at controlling my reactions. Seth was a hell of a lot better at it than I was. So I told him to go accept Sam's love while I ran away. And being the cool younger brother that he was...he did what I asked. I had ended up in Sam's shed staring at Jacob, who was cussing at the lawnmower.

"God damn…fucking…hate…stupid piece of shit…" He threw his foot into the lawnmower angrily.

"Are you having a bad day or are you just pissed at the lawnmower?" I'd questioned.

He'd turned around and stared at me without responding.

"So, what are you hiding from?" I'd asked as I shut the door behind me.

"Go away, Leah." He'd frowned at me.

"Geeze, you're acting like someone died," I'd muttered coolly. He looked up at me, his eyes filled with sympathy, and he sighed.

"Okay. You can stay. You've had a crappy day, too." He referred to my father's funeral.

"We could play the 'whose life sucks more' game all day. What's bothering you, kid?"

"Trust me, you don't want to hear it."

"I just spent four hours listening to sappy stories about my dead dad. As long as it doesn't start with 'I'm so sorry' and end with 'Please don't hesitate to call me' I'd love to hear it." Anything to get the fact that we had just buried my father today off of my mind.

"It has to do with Bella." He warned me. He knew that I didn't like her. I didn't exactly hide my feelings about that.

"Great. I could use a laugh. What did the little bimbo do now?"

He didn't laugh. Hmmm, so it was serious. Or at least serious enough to warrant a temper tantrum from a sixteen-year-old werewolf.

"Did Sam tell you that one of the Cullens came back?" Jacob asked.

"Probably. I tune Sam out most days," I'd admitted. I hadn't phased since my dad died, so I'm sure I'd missed out on tons of good gossip. But I had been a little preoccupied with arrangements and trying to make sure my mom and brother were okay. "To be honest, all I hear when he talks to me is that buzzing sound that Charlie Brown hears when adults talk to him."

Finally, I got a little chuckle out of him. But then his face became sour again.

"Bella still loves her stupid vampire."

"The girl is certifiable." I'd shrugged.

"She ran off today. Probably to get herself killed."

"Oh, is she cliff-diving again?" I couldn't help but be a smartass.

"Leah, please…" Jacob looked really upset. So I shut up. I just listened as he prattled on about how Bella had run away with Alice to save Edward from killing himself. I just remember wondering why she would do something like that. She had run off and left Jacob in the dust. After everything he had done for her. He brought her back from the brink of death. He gave her something to live for after she thought her life was over.

Edward interrupted my thoughts. "And I'm grateful to him for that time." He'd obviously seen what I was just thinking.

_Seriously? Stop that,_ I growled.

"I can't control the fact that I hear thoughts any more than you can control what you are thinking."

_Control this, jackass._ I put together the most disturbing mental images I could possibly think about. I started out with Seth in his boxers eating leftover frozen pizza and watching some shoot-em-up movie. I remember I had screamed at him.

_"Put on some damn clothes!"_

He'd just ignored me and shoved the pizza in his mouth.

I continued with more disturbing thoughts. Sam's ass couldn't be pleasant for Edward to think about. Thinking about Sam naked wasn't painful for me for _one_ sole reason: because he had a hell of a body. And even though that body no longer belonged to me I still couldn't help but drool like some prepubescent teenage girl in the 60's fawning over the Beatles.

I continued being horribly disgusting in my thoughts. Finally, I saw Edward cringe when I got to this seriously disturbing video that I had once seen on the internet involving two girls and a cup. I laughed when I saw him turn his head away in disgust.

"Ugh, and you think that _we're_ gross for eating _blood_?" Edward mumbled.

_Sissy._

He cleared his throat. "Back to my original point…"

"I was kidding when I asked for your life story." I frowned. "I'm really in no mood. So why don't you just skip to the end and tell me the moral of your sad little life?"

"There are people in our lives that care about us no matter what we do," Edward said.

_Speak for yourself_. He had a wife, a kid, a mommy, a daddy, brothers, sisters, the white picket fence, and everything. I had my mom and my brother. And something told me that I was on thin ice with both of them.

"Your pack cares about you." Edward shook his head. I scoffed. "They do. More than you realize. Jacob even…"

I stopped him quickly. "If I hear one more time how Jacob Black was sucking on my ankle I will go absolutely insane and go Rambo on your ass."

Edward looked at me impatiently. He looked really irritated that I had interrupted him. Now he knew how I felt every time he interrupted my thoughts. I smirked at him.

_Annoying, isn't it?_ I shrugged. "Spare me the 'Jacob saved your life' story. Believe me, I'll be hearing it enough from him as it is."

"That's not what I was going to say."

"I don't care what you have to say." Listening to him wasn't going to change the fact that the only reason my pack cared about me was because I was one of their strongest fighters. If something happened to me they were screwed. No one could shed vampire blood like me. Plus, there was that whole "pack" thing going on. We didn't get to choose the fact that we were werewolves. But because we were forced into this seriously effed up Jerry Springer family unit we were kinda forced to care about one another.

"You don't see that they care about you because you don't want to let your guard down," he said. "They _do_ care for you, Leah," he paused. "Especially Jacob…"

I interrupted him again. "He is _obligated_ to care about me," I explained. "Plus, he and I have an understanding. We both get what it's like to know that we're going to be alone for the rest of our lives. And _he_ has you to thank for that."

"You won't end up alone," he said surely.

"How could you possibly know that? Alice can't see our future. Remember?"

"That doesn't mean that I can't see what goes on in front of me. You should really stop letting your anger cloud your judgment…"

I let out a low rumble. Who the hell did he think he was? If I wanted to be angry I certainly had a right to be angry. And who was he to tell me otherwise?

"You are _not_ my psychiatrist."

Edward raised an eyebrow at me and I growled in frustration.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I've been around for a long time. I have a lot of different degrees."

"Let me guess. Creepy Psychoanalyst is one of them?"

Edward nodded.

"Anyone ever tell you that you're incredibly annoying?" I snorted.

"I have four brothers and sisters. What do you think?" Edward questioned.

Suddenly I had a laughing fit. I was picturing the Cullens arguing like normal brothers and sisters.

_"That was MY deer! I saw it first!"_

_"Nuh uh! I called it!"_

_"Well, if you get the deer then I call shotgun on the way home."_

_"That's not fair! Daddy Carlisle, he's being unfair!"_

Not that the Cullens would take a car out to go hunting with them, but it was funny to think about six grown vampires arguing over who got the front seat.

"You're making it extremely hard for me to hate your family, you know," I huffed.

"That was kind of my plan," Edward admitted.

"You. Are. Satan."

"You know, Leah I think under different circumstances we could have been friends," Edward said.

"Under different circumstances? You mean...if you _weren't_ a bloodsucking parasite?" I questioned. I laughed coldly, "Let me be perfectly clear. I don't care if you were the world's most eligible bachelor and I was a desperate, single, old woman just looking for something other than something with batteries to satisfy my cravings. I would _never_ in a million years befriend a complete and utter tool as yourself."

I didn't want any friends. Every person I had ever befriended eventually left me in the dust. I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, so I might as well get used to being a cranky bitter hag.

"You keep living your happily ever after and forget about trying to be my psychologist." I frowned.

Edward completely ignored my hostility, which only annoyed the shit out of me. I was sick of his "I'm holier than thou, so I refuse to fight with you" attitude.

"You can't really think that everyone in your life is going to hurt you?" He shook his head.

"I don't _think_, I _know_."

Thankfully, our conversation didn't have to go much further because it was only a few minutes later that Carlisle came back into the room. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I laughed at the fact that I was _relieved_ that another vampire had just entered the room. I shook my head and Carlisle asked me if I was okay.

"I'm great. Except…things keep happening that make me think that I'm in a coma." Discussing my _feelings_ with a vampire? That just didn't sound like something I would normally do.

"If you are in any pain you can take two of these pills." Carlisle handed me a vial of pills. I thought for a second and then laughed to myself. It's a good thing that I wasn't _really_ suicidal or else it would be like Carlisle had just handed me a loaded gun. I saw Edward glance at me and I just rolled my eyes.

_Relax. If I wanted to kill myself I'd come up with something a hell of a lot more creative than OD'ing._

"If it gets too severe you can call me," Carlisle said.

He was really offering to continue to help me after all of the crap I had pulled today? I was stunned. I felt like there should be some angelic music playing around Carlisle as he stood here before me.

I pushed the small bottle of pills in my pocket and then looked at Carlisle. I forced out a grateful smile.

"Thank you." That was the hardest thing I had ever had to say.

Carlisle looked stunned. He looked at Edward, and Edward nodded.

"She's being sincere."

"Yeah, um…I appreciate all that you've done for me. So…thanks." I nearly choked on the words.

"You're welcome," Carlisle smiled.

"Good. Okay. So, we're done here?" I questioned as I edged towards the door. _Run. Run, you fool!_ I was yelling at myself.

"As long as you're feeling alright then you're free to go," he said. _Free to go._ Sounded like I was some criminal getting out on bail.

I had almost gotten to the door before Carlisle called out after me.

"Leah?"

I sighed. _What now_? I forced a smile. "Yes?" I gritted my teeth.

"If you feel ill don't try to tough it out. It's important that you let me know if you aren't feeling well. We still don't know if there are going to be any odd side effects."

"Doc, I _am_ an odd side effect." I joked as I tore out of the room with more speed than the freakin' roadrunner running away from that damn coyote. I managed to squeak out to the doctor as I was racing away from him. "Don't worry, if I'm in pain you'll hear the profanities from miles away," I assured him.

I quickly found my brother and Jacob stuffing their faces.

"I'm ready to go." I walked over to them impatiently.

To my surprise, Seth was eager to leave. I would have thought he wanted to stay and gossip with his little friends, but he explained to me that Alice had been talking to him about clothes. He looked bored out of his mind.

"Let's get out of here before she decides to dress me in drag," Seth whispered.

"Oh, no. I think we should stay a little bit longer." The thought of torturing my brother by dressing him up brought back some fun childhood memories.

Seth turned to Esme and smiled at her. "Thanks so much for the food. It was awesome."

"Hey, where's Bella?" Jacob questioned. "I'd like to say goodbye to her and Nessie."

I groaned. These "goodbyes" were going to continue for a while.

"I'll be in the car." I quickly stormed out of the house.

I slid in the car and let out a sigh. I was exhausted. All this "pretending everything is fine" act was hard, especially with the mindreader. My bones were sore and my head was pounding. And the damn looming rain wasn't helping. The barometric pressure was killing my head. Maybe I shouldn't have bolted out of the house so fast. I wasn't _completely_ healed yet.

When I leaned against the seat I felt a twinge of pain go through my shoulder. But I really didn't want to take the pain medication Carlisle had given me. I didn't like the way pain meds made me feel. Sure, the being high as a kite is fun for a while…until halfway through the medication the buzz wears off, and you're just left really tired and thinking about things you _don't_ want to be thinking about. Pain medications sent my head into overdrive. Ironically, the time I was most coherent in my life was when I was high. It probably had something to do with the fact that I suppressed so much shit that when I took something to relax me for pain it opened all the doors in my brain that I never wanted to be open. So I usually just opted to push through the pain without any help.

I gently touched my shoulder. It felt like I had popped a stitch. That was going to hurt later. I pulled the vial of pills out of my pocket and glanced at them.

_Just stop being so damn stubborn and take the freaking thing,_ I snapped at myself.

I opened the bottle. Carlisle had told me to take two, but I was going to stick with one. Something told me he was guessing with the dosage of medications for me. He'd done the same when Jacob had been hurt last year. And all the meds he gave Jacob made the kid think he was flying in a spaceship at one point. I was not about to take way too much of this crap and be blitzed out of my mind for the next three days.

If anything I needed to act _more_ normal than possible. That was going to be a hell of an acting job on my part. I hoped I could pull it off.


	15. Apparently my life is funny

**Chapter 15:**

**Apparently my life is funny**

Three lousy days went by and not a damn thing changed. It really started to piss me off. I started my morning the same way each day. Jacob would be sitting in my kitchen with Seth talking about…oh, I don't know…what man was hot in Hollywood this week.

I usually just did my best to ignore them as they kept a watchful eye on me. Apparently, the fact that my heart-rate wasn't the same as it used to be freaked them out. Sometimes just to mess with them, I would tap my chest when they weren't looking to make my heartbeat sound like some crazy fluttering bird.

Neither one of them found it amusing. Jacob even snapped at me.

"Stop freaking me out!"

"I will as soon as you stop following me like a psychopathic pervert," I assured him.

"You make caring for you so incredibly difficult," he mumbled.

Yeah, and there was a reason for that. I didn't _want_ people to care about me. Sam was the last person I had trusted to care about me, and look where that had ended up. I wasn't ready to go through that again. But Jacob insisted on giving a crap about me….for whatever reason. Maybe it was just because Bella didn't need protecting anymore. She could probably kick his ass. That had to be a huge blow to his ego. It was quite possible that he was just trying to forget his loss of his best friend by spending all of his free time harassing me.

And as if Jacob and Seth's behavior wasn't enough for me to handle, I had to watch my mother act like a brainless twat. She spent most of her time on the phone with Charlie like some idiot teenager in love with the high school's football star. I swear one morning I saw her _twirling_ her freaking hair. It only irritated me because it hadn't even been a year since my dad died. And she was already moving on? What the hell did Charlie and mom have to talk about _every_ day? How boring would that conversation be?

_"Hey Sue, what did you do today?"_

_"I decided to mix things up a bit. Instead of doing laundry today like I normally do, I cleaned the kitchen instead."_

_"Oh, you rebel…what will you do without all of those clean clothes?"_

_" Speaking of clothes, did you SEE what Billy was wearing when he stopped by earlier today? Those loafers are SO last year…"_

God, to think of the conversations they must be having was painful. I really didn't understand the attraction between the two of them. Before my dad died, the only time I saw them together was when dad dragged him home for dinner.

And Charlie was a nice guy, but I just didn't feel right that my dad's best friend might very possibly be boning my mother.

I sighed when I thought of how lonely my mom must be. I thought of how alone I felt every day of my life. My mom and I were in the same sucky situation. But at least she knew that dad loved her. I had my doubts every time I saw Sam with Emily. How could he have ever truly loved me when he was obviously so devoted to my cousin?

I guess if mom was going to start spending all of her free time with _someone_, I'm glad it wasn't some delinquent bad seed. I didn't want to be one of those twenty-year-old's that was more mature than her mother. I went to school with someone who was constantly absent because she was always bailing her mother out of jail.

Charlie was a decent man. He helped out after dad passed away. How could I be angry with someone who had helped my mom through one of the most difficult situations in her life? Both he and Billy saw to it that my mother was taken care of after dad died.

And now, Charlie needed my mom. Because his daughter was a self-absorbed, vampire-banging bozo. Mom was doing the same thing for Charlie that he had done for her after dad's heart attack. And that was the right thing to do. But the situation still sucked.

So with Jacob and Seth always hanging out, and mom acting like a lovesick teenager, I had gotten used to whacky, annoying mornings in my household. But when I walked into the kitchen this morning, I immediately felt the tension. Something was different about today.

"It's complete bullshit," Jacob snarled.

"Come on man, I know you're upset. But this isn't your decision," Seth frowned.

"Doesn't mean I'm not going to do something about it," Jacob grumbled.

"Yeah, I know. That's what worries me." Seth shook his head.

"What's up your cooch?" I questioned as I walked into the kitchen and started searching for something to eat. "Aw, are you emotional because you're on your period?"

"Bella's talking about leaving again," Jacob grumbled.

"Hey, cool. I'll buy the first round." This called for a celebrity round of alcohol. This means I could actually use my fake ID again.

"Be a little more sensitive about this, Leah." Seth frowned at me.

"Have we met? When have you ever known me to be _sensitive_?" I shivered. "Stop being such a girl." I glanced at Jacob. "So, when is she planning on leaving?" _So I can plan a party._ I grinned in thought.

"She doesn't know yet. They're still trying to figure out what to tell Charlie," Jacob shrugged.

I'm surprised she was going to tell him anything. In fact, I was shocked that she hadn't just moved away without saying a word to her father. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if she just decided to drop him out of her life with no explanation.

"Yeah, I mean, what exactly does someone in Bella's situation say?" Seth asked.

"How about 'sorry, I can't be around you, dad. I might eat you?'" I suggested.

"But Bella can be around _us_ without sucking our blood," Seth interjected. "And Nessie has a beating heart."

"Yes, but _we_ smell like Springer Spaniels to them. And Nessie came _out_ of Bella." I shuddered just thinking about it. "Charlie is a little different. He's _actually_ human."

"We're human, too," Seth frowned.

"Last I checked, humans don't heal from mortal wounds in _three days_," I laughed.

"Speaking of which, how are you feeling today?" Jacob questioned. He had really taken this "monitoring" me thing seriously. So seriously that I was about to chase him out of my house with a toilet plunger if he didn't leave me alone.

I had been absolutely fine since Carlisle last looked at me. My bones healed beautifully. And I hadn't had any more weird vertigo. I kept telling Jacob to go away, but he wouldn't leave me alone. I think he and Seth had made some kind of bet about which one of them could annoy me more. Right now, they were tied neck and neck.

My head was killing me this morning, but I attributed that to the fact that I didn't sleep at all overnight. Lucky me, I was plagued by nightmares of the little fucker that had poisoned me with his venom. Luckily, Seth had been the one watching me sleep lately. And the kid really sucked at it. He was usually asleep before I was. So when I woke up from my lovely little nightmare last night, I quietly climbed out of bed and turned the TV on. Nothing was ever on at two in the morning. I flipped through the channels until I finally ended up on the weather channel. I watched the damn radar for almost four hours straight. And I was so out of it that I was seeing shapes in the giant green blob of rain that pushed over our town. _Look, it's a bunny rabbit! Oh…more precipitation just formed. Now it's a unicorn._

I shook my head.

"Uh, Leah? You never answered my question." Jacob was staring at me.

"I'm great. Back to normal." I lied through my teeth.

"Really? Then what's with the bags under your eyes?" he questioned.

"Do I point out _your_ faults? Do I sit there and tell you how small your dick is? Or how massively proportional your head _isn't_ to your body?" I snapped.

"Geeze, you're touchy this morning," Jacob grumbled.

"She was up again all night." Seth shoved a banana in his mouth.

Apparently he was keeping a closer eye on me than I realized. I was kicking myself for teaching my kid brother how to be sneaky about things. Now he was outsmarting me. That was annoying.

Jacob gave me a curious look and I just stared back at him. Maybe if I kept my face expressionless, he would just drop the subject.

Yeah. No such luck.

"Trouble sleeping?" he questioned.

_Fucking duh, asshole._ "No, I normally look like crap. We can't all have plastic faces like Joan Rivers…" I snorted as I pushed some hair out of my face.

"Have you been feeling okay?" There was actual _concern_ in his voice. I still didn't understand why everyone was freaking out over me lately. It's like they were expecting me to turn into a vampire/werewolf hybrid or something. But last I checked, I wasn't craving any cat blood, so I'm pretty sure I was in the clear.

"I've been fighting with you, haven't I?" What better way to prove to people that I was okay than to fight with them?

"Not nearly as much as usual." Jacob pointed out.

Jacob and I had still been bickering. But since that first night when I had my little mental breakdown in front of him, we hadn't really been arguing as much.

"Maybe that's just because I'm growing up and don't feel the need to fight over petty things."

"Bullshit." Jacob shook his head. I knew he wouldn't buy that. But it was worth a shot. "What's really bothering you?" It wasn't enough that I'd had had a torturous counseling session with Professor X's vampire son, now Jacob was asking me about my feelings too?

"What's really bothering me is the fact that I have a headache and you are annoying me and making it worse."

"Maybe we should make a trip to see Carlisle," Seth suggested.

"Because of a sinus infection?" I gave him an odd look.

"Seth's right. Carlisle did say that you should go to him if you didn't feel well," Jacob nodded. "Besides, I've never known you to have allergies," he paused. "What are you allergic to? _Dogs_?" He busted into laughter.

"Only ugly ones." I glared at him. "You guys just get off my case. I'd like to go through one day where no one has a panic attack."

_"Oh God, she broke a nail! Quick! Call Dr. George Clooney's half vampire brother!"_

"I'll get mom on you if you don't go," Seth threatened.

"You are the world's most annoying little brother, did you know that?" I frowned.

"Do I get a blue ribbon and everything?" Seth smirked at me with sarcasm.

"And a trophy," I said. "One jammed so far up your ass that every time you sit down, you'll choke on it."

"I only do it because I love you." Seth grinned at me as he grabbed the phone.

"Your love is going to be the death of me," I paused. "Or _you_." I said threateningly.

After a quick phone call to Carlisle, Seth came bounding back into the kitchen.

"He said it would be a good idea for him to check Leah out."

"Perfect. I need to talk to Bella anyway," Jacob shrugged. "I'll drive." He glanced at Seth. "Hey, don't you have registration at school today?"

"Yeah. I was hoping you could drop me off on the way. I don't want to get stuck with a crappy elective course. The last thing I want to do is spend an entire year in a basket weaving class," he paused. "Although, I _do_ already know how to do it…" He drifted off in thought.

We took Jacob's Rabbit to drop Seth off at school. It was weird being back after having not been there for almost 3 years. But I in no way missed High School. No one could pay me enough money to go back and relive that hell.

"Need a ride back too?" Jacob asked. "We shouldn't be at the mansion long."

"Nah, I can run home." Seth shook his head.

"Good luck, kid. Hope you get the classes you want."

"Yeah, good luck to you, too." He lowered his voice. "Hope Leah doesn't murder you for this."

"Murder would be too easy." I smiled at my brother. "I'm planning something worse for the two of you."

We watched Seth disappear. I turned to face Jacob.

"And why aren't _you_ registering for classes?" I questioned.

"I've got more important things in my life right now," Jacob shrugged.

"A good education is important."

"You're only saying that because you don't want to go to the vampire's house."

"Darn, you saw through my clever façade." I rolled my eyes. "Seriously though, are you dropping out or what?"

"I'm just taking a sabbatical," Jacob said.

"I bet your dad thrashed the hell out of you when you told him that."

"Not really. It doesn't exactly make me feel loved. He threw a fit when my sister gave up a full scholarship, but when I decide to skip out on school for a while, all my old man can say is 'as long as you're taking your wolf duties seriously, school can wait.'" He huffed. "Who would have thought that my dad was sexist?"

Well, that didn't sound like Billy at all. Did the council take our duties so seriously that they overlooked everything else in our lives? I saw Jacob sigh and I felt bad for him. Then I felt angry at myself for feeling bad for him. _He has been constantly annoying you, Leah._ I reminded myself. _Hit him. Hit him, and then make a break for it._

Jacob just stared at me. "Wouldn't work. I'll run you over with the car and then just take you to Carlisle to fix you up afterwards."

I let out a moan. "It's a freaking _headache,_ Jacob," I snapped.

"Werewolves don't get headaches." Jacob glanced at me suspiciously.

"They do when other wolves _cause_ them." I rolled my eyes.

We rode down the road in silence for a few minutes and then Jacob gently brushed my hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" I questioned.

"Trying to check your temperature. Guess that wasn't exactly subtle, was it?" he asked.

"How exactly can you take someone's temperature through their fingers?" I gave him an odd look.

"Least I didn't try to take it rectally," Jacob shrugged.

"Do you not believe me when I say that I feel fine?"

"I never know what to believe. You always hide so much. And since you haven't phased yet, I can't tell what's going on in your head." He frowned.

Yeah, that was _exactly_ why I hadn't phased yet. I didn't feel like getting a lecture from the pack about how much they cared about me. Because I learned a long time ago that people will tell you anything they think you want to hear. And in all honesty, I didn't want to hear _anything._

"Look, everything you and my brother have done for me the past few days has been cool. But exactly how much longer are you guys planning on monitoring my every move? I mean, do I need to start calling you two _Big Brother_? Because if I find a camera hidden somewhere in my room, sure as hell someone is getting their ass kicked."

"Leah, don't be silly," Jacob laughed. "If I was going to put a camera anywhere in your house, it'd be your bathroom." He grinned.

"Why? Do you get your jollies watching Seth undress?" I grinned back at him. "Or, are you into that whole MILF thing? Are you watching my mom taking long sensual showers?"

"What? I would never…I mean, I…" I saw Jacob turn beet red. I busted into laughter. "That is not funny, Leah. Your mom is like a mother to me, too. And I don't want to think about…oh…that's just…why would you even…"

I howled out a laugh, "Get a grip. I was just screwing with your head. You didn't have a problem joking about seeing _me_ naked."

"Because I _have_ seen you naked." He shrugged like it was nothing. Bastard. He couldn't have said "you're hot" or tacked something else on the end of that sentence? He paused to think for a moment. Part of me was hoping that he was fawning over my naked body. And the other part of me wanted to smack him if he was thinking about me like that. "I guess the only thing I need to do in order to see your bare ass is to make fun of your hair or tell you how ugly your clothes are. You're pretty easy to piss off." Jacob smirked.

I somehow found my way back to my original point. "Yeah, this whole 'banter' thing has been fun. But I'd like to get back to my life now." _Or lack thereof_. "So, you and Seth can back off. I really don't need help with anything anymore."

"I'm not doing this because I think you're incapable," Jacob frowned. "I'm doing it because I care about you."

I suddenly had a flash back to the conversation I had had with the leech. He assured me that my pack cared about me. But the only guys that had been close enough for him to read their thoughts were Sam, Jacob, and Seth. I wonder what he really meant when he said "they" cared about me.

Jacob really cared about me? That was…odd. We'd had this hot and cold relationship for as long as I could remember. We fought all the time because we were so alike. Neither one of us knew when or how to back down. But apparently he knew how to get me to shut up. Just the mere mention of the fact that he cared about me kept me quiet the entire ride over to the Cullens.

"Hello? Earth to DingaLeah?" Jacob asked as he turned his car off. That actually wasn't a bad nickname. It was pretty clever for someone like Jacob. Normally he couldn't come up with anything other than "you stupid and/or filthy *insert whatever thing is pissing him off here*."

"What?" I know I had a look of complete dumbassedness on my face.

"Come on." He hopped out of the car. He looked eager to get inside the mansion. Was he afraid that his stupid vampires weren't going to be there if I took too long getting out of the car? Half of them couldn't stand us, so I'm sure they were hiding and whispering to each other.

_"Shh, turn the lights off and be quiet. We need to make it seem like no one's home…"_

_"Can't we just eat them like we did the Jehovah's Witness?"_

I grumbled as I followed Jacob into Leech Manor. Carlisle and Esme greeted us at the door. As always, they were both smiling from ear to ear. As much as I wanted to hate them, they looked too much like a normal couple having a housewarming party or something.

"Hey, betcha didn't think you'd be seeing me again." I said with a frown on my face. _And I didn't think I'd be seeing you either. So, we're both getting screwed here. It's all the dog's fault._ I glanced at Jacob.

"Hey, it's the Fox and the Hound." Emmett appeared in the living room.

"Which one of us is the fox?" I asked curiously.

Jacob completely ignored Emmett. "Hey Bella!" He waved as soon as she walked in the room holding Nessie. I didn't know it was possible for an infant to grow at the rate in which she was growing. She looked like she'd doubled in size. I know that had to be freaking the hell out of her parents. I grinned smugly to myself. Thinking of the vampires being uncomfortable made me happy.

My smile faded from my face when Edward walked in behind Bella. I was really hoping that the mind-reading asshole would be out torturing Bambi so he could have a snack. But of course he wouldn't leave his precious Bella's side. The way they were constantly loving on one another made me sick to my stomach.

"Jake, what are you doing here?" She looked stunned to see Jacob.

"Didn't Carlisle tell you that we were coming over?" Jacob questioned.

"Actually, I assumed it was going to be Seth and Leah. I didn't know you were coming as well," Carlisle smiled. "Not that you aren't welcome."

"Seth just made the call," Jacob said. "He had to take care of some things at school."

"Ah, yes. School. It feels like it was just yesterday that I was walking down the hallway trying…and failing…to not be seen," Bella laughed. Her laugh was really high pitched and annoying. It's like someone was blowing a dog whistle. It made me want to bury her in the backyard like a bone.

"That's because it _was_ just yesterday." I gave her an odd look. "Didn't you just graduate like 2 weeks ago?"

"It's been a little longer than that." Bella shook her head.

Didn't the bitch know sarcasm when she heard it? Probably not. She wasn't exactly very bright. I saw Edward looking at me and fuming as he read my thoughts.

"So Leah, Seth said you weren't feeling well. I am to assume that's why you're here?" Carlisle questioned.

"I'm here because my brother forced me to come," I answered honestly. "I made the mistake of telling him that my head was hurting."

"Have you been having any other problems?" Carlisle questioned. "Dizziness? Shortness of breath? Blurred vision?"

"Nope."

Carlisle nodded, "It's probably nothing. But we can do an MRI to be certain…"

"Whoa, whoa…you have an MRI machine _here_?" Why was I surprised by this? He had every other piece of medical equipment known to man. I'm sure that when the hospital saw him coming, they automatically drew up paperwork for him to sign.

_"What machine would you like to take home today Carlisle?"_

_"Well, I can't decide between the EKG machine and the CT scanner."_

_"How about you take both? We're having a 'steal one, get one free' special."_

I shook my head. "I don't think the MRI is necessary. Just tell me what to do to get Seth and Jacob off my case."

Carlisle smiled at me, "Take two aspirin."

That was it? Seriously? I had come out here all the way for this doctor's _great_ medical advice, and _that's_ what he was telling me to do? I looked over at Jacob and hit him with all of the strength that I could manage.

"Ow." He rubbed his shoulder. "What'd you do that for?"

"I told you so."

"Better safe than sorry," he said. He walked over to Bella and started chatting away with her. I should have known that Jacob was just using me as an excuse to come out here and see her. Couldn't he come up with a reason of his own to come hang out at the mansion?

"He's not that creative," Edward said to me quietly.

Had he just shared an inside joke with me? Talk about freaking weird. What _X-Files_ episode had I landed in? A vampire trying to befriend a werewolf?

I watched as Jacob ignored me and doted on Bella. _Some friend you are._ I rolled my eyes. And he said he cared about me? Who in my life was _not_ using me? I got kind of tired of it sometimes.

I saw Nessie fidgeting uncomfortably in Bella's arms. She was trying to get to her father. Edward walked over to take Nessie from Bella. Alice and Jasper came in the room as well. I was assuming Rosalie was hiding out from me and Jacob. She hated us. The feeling was mutual. And she was smart to hide from us. In fact, if I knew where she was, I would go hide out with her.

"Jacob, I got a clean bill of health. We can go now." I know I was being extremely rude, but my patience was wearing thin.

"Just give me a few minutes." Jacob was talking to Bella about something I really didn't give a crap about.

Everyone gathered around Nessie as she did something horribly cute. Yeah, so the child was flippin' adorable, who cares? But then I realized that she was the center of attention in the room. She was. Not me. It had been almost four freaking days since everyone had ignored me. And now that I was invisible again, it was wonderful. I could use this to my advantage.

I slowly started backing away. This time, I was going to try and escape the manor with a little bit of dignity. There was going to be no passing out today. I managed to get out the front door. As I was making my way away from the house, I noticed Rosalie staring at the river. She let out a sigh as she gazed down at the water. She was blocking my path out of here. I knew there was no way to get past her without her seeing me, so I just decided to pretend like she wasn't there. Maybe if I ignored her, she would ignore me.

No such luck.

"I know you're there, dog." She sounded irritated. When _didn't_ she sound irritated?

"So?"

"So, what are you doing out here? Isn't your _boyfriend_ in there?"

My hands started to vibrate and I hissed through my teeth.

"Jacob is _not_ my boyfriend." I had to work to suppress my anger. I wasn't ready to phase yet. My plan had been to get back to La Push on two feet. It shouldn't take very long. Four feet would have gotten me there quicker, but I could certainly break a new speed record on two.

"Huh, coulda fooled me," Rosalie shrugged nonchalantly.

"Why aren't you in there with the rest of them celebrating Nessie's first poop in the big girl potty or whatever landmark she's up to today?" I asked.

She frowned, "Edward and I got into a fight this morning."

"Mr. Prim and Proper actually knows how to fight?" I laughed hysterically. From the small amount of fighting we had seen last year in preparation for the newborn attacks, I had only seen Edward throw a few punches. Seth ranted and raved about how well he and Edward had worked together as a team to destroy Victoria and her little pet Riley. But I had still yet to actually see Edward in a physical battle with my own eyes.

"Fighting with him emotionally is worse than his physical side," Blondie grumbled.

"I thought you guys were like the perfect family that never fought."

"Hardly," Rosalie laughed. Her laugh was as annoying as Bella's. I kept looking around for a dog whistle, just in case the leeches were messing with me. "We're closer to a normal family than you think."

I chuckled, "I have a hard time believing that Esme would take away your drivers licenses and car keys." They ran faster than any manmade car anyway. I mean, how could you discipline vampires? Tell them that if they don't eat their blood for dinner then they weren't going to get anymore blood for dessert? I could just see how a punishment for the bloodsuckers would go.

_"You're grounded! It's a beautiful day outside, and you aren't allowed to go play in the sun…oh wait…" _

"What were you guys fighting about?" I asked.

"It's really none of your business," she huffed.

"It's about Nessie, right?" I saw her stare at me with anger in her eyes. She didn't want to talk about this any more than I wanted to discuss my _feelings_ with my pack. "I get it. She's a cool kid," I nodded. Everyone freaking _loved_ Nessie. All hail the God-child. I rolled my eyes.

"But she isn't _my_ kid," I heard Rosalie whisper.

_Ah ha!_ _I knew it!_ Blondie had a weak spot for wanting to be a mother. I hated what I was about to say more than anything I had ever said in my life. I couldn't believe that I was going to blurt it out.

"I know how you feel." I knew how a _vampire_ felt? I shivered just thinking about it.

"Right." Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"I'm alone, I transform into a huge wolf, and I'd say that it's a safe bet that kids for me are out of the question," I sighed. "So, yes. I understand what you're going through." I could even sympathize, but it did not make me hate her any less.

Rosalie let out an irritated sigh and then glanced at me

"Why are you out here bothering me?"

"Better out here than in there." I glanced across the river. I wonder if I could find a shallow embankment and try to jump across. Rosalie noticed I was up to something.

"Didn't you ride up with the dog?" she asked.

"Yeah. And I'm going to beat him home…"

She gave me a nod and then a piece of advice.

"About half a mile down, the water is very shallow. You should just be able to wade through if you can't jump it."

"Thank you." I was delighted that the hateful bitch was helping me.

"Anything to get you off of our land." Rosalie turned her nose up at me.

"Great. Bye." It was kind of nice not having to do some kind of formal goodbye to the leech. I could feel Rosalie's eyes on me as I jogged away.

It was really weird to be seeing the leeches in their normal habitats, with normal problems and everything. And least of all, I didn't think that I would be sympathizing with the blonde childless vampire. She knew that her family had Nessie, but I know that Rosalie craved something more. I understood why she was a bitch half the time….okay, _all_ of the time. I wore that "bitch" mask too. Because being a woman and having something like that taken from you is gut wrenching.

I jogged through the woods until I reached our border. I knew it wouldn't take long. I smiled smugly to myself. Now that I was home, where should I go? I still wanted to have my alone time. I thought about the last time I had been alone. The water looked really peaceful today. And the cliffs were practically moaning out my name. I chuckled to myself when I thought of a giant rock cliff having an orgasm and yelling out an echoing name over and over.

As I made my way to the edge, I glanced at the scenery around me. I felt like I was back to four days ago. But this time I had come up here to think about different circumstances.

Now my mind had slowed down leaving me with quiet painful thoughts. I took some time to reanalyze what I had seen transpire in the past four days. I would have thought I'd be happy to find out that Jacob actually cared about me. But instead, it only saddened me. Because I was a complete mess and I couldn't in good faith put my problems on another person. Even if I knew that Jacob understood my pain. That was another thing that complicated matters. He understood how I felt about Sam. And I understood how he felt about Bella. Even though we knew there was _zero_ chance of either of us ever getting back our first and only love, we still held torches for people who had basically gutted us and left our hearts broken.

The waves crashing against the rocks today were much calmer than it had been days ago. I sighed. Why the hell was I still alive? How is it that the vampire venom hadn't killed me? Was my life so amusing to watch from above that I'd been picked up for a twenty-first season? It's like the fanboys that loved to watch me suffer had begged whoever was in charge to keep my pathetic life on air for the next forty years. Forty years that were going to blow. Because as I had told the blonde vampire not long ago, I was alone, a werewolf with a rotten temper, and couldn't have kids. Boy, what a life _I_ was in for.

I glanced up at the sky and let out a grumble to whatever crowd of morons might be watching me from above. "Very funny." I threw my head back with a sigh. I closed my eyes and fell backwards with a huff. I was finally alone again. And now, I could finally let my tears fall down my cheeks.


	16. I am such a moron

**Chapter 16:**

**I am such a moron**

**Jacob's point of view:**

So, Nessie could read at a college level? Big freaking deal. Sure, it was impressive that she was learning things so quickly, but I got a little tired of always hearing how smart she was. I was listening patiently as everyone doted on her.

"…And her vocabulary far exceeds that of a normal child…" Edward said proudly.

_That's because she's NOT a normal child._ I rolled my eyes.

That pissed Edward off.

"Jealous that my daughter already has an IQ higher than yours?" he snapped quietly.

"Not really. Everyone has a higher IQ than me," I shrugged.

"Oh, now stop it with that attitude, Jacob," Bella frowned at me. "You are _not_ stupid. You are just as capable as anyone."

I laughed darkly, "Who are you, my mother?"

I sighed silently to myself. I missed my mom. Even though I was pretty young when she died, I still remembered a lot about her. I could still smell her sometimes. I know how weird that was, but after she died, I had to hang on to any memory that I could. I once told Leah and Seth that I could still smell my mother. I thought they'd make fun of me or call me crazy. But they understood. Seth even told me something that made my comment seem normal. He told us that he missed the smell of his dad's farts. Of course, Leah had stormed out of the room, muttering about how gross boys were.

I guess I was fortunate that I was young when my mom died. Because it meant that I had a harder time recalling her death. I really felt for Leah and Seth, because both of them had been very close to their father. Losing people sucks.

Which reminded me why I was out here today. I glanced at Bella.

I'd never been known for thinking about things before I said them. Today was no exception.

"So, what's this I hear about you leaving town?"

The living room suddenly got quiet. I could feel everyone staring at me like I was a circus freak. I felt like some stupid monkey they were expecting to do a trick. If they wanted a trick, I could always fling feces at them.

Bella pursed her lips and then turned to face Alice.

"Alice, would you take Renesmee into the kitchen and get her a snack?"

So, she didn't want to have this conversation in front of her _genius_ kid? Why? Was she afraid that Nessie would be clever enough to know what's going on? Guess there were drawbacks to having such a smart child.

"Of course." Alice opened her arms and Edward handed her Nessie.

Alice muttered something about not being able to see the future anyway. She disappeared into the kitchen with Jasper next to her side. Guess he was going to put her in a daze and make her eat shitty food again. That was actually kind of funny to watch. It's like Jasper had blown a bunch of marijuana in Nessie's face and she was suddenly wanting to eat everything in sight. A little stoner vampire baby. I laughed. I amused myself sometimes.

Carlisle and Esme bowed out of the room politely. I could tell that they thought this conversation would be best left to Bella.

"Emmett, see if they need help with Renesmee in the kitchen," Edward suggested. He was trying to get the big dummy to leave. Guess he couldn't take a subtle hint. _What a jockstrap._ I laughed in thought.

"Are you kidding? No way! I want to see you kick Jacob's ass." Emmett pushed his arms across his chest and refused to move.

Edward let out an irritated growl. "Bella wants to talk to him alone." He looked at Bella. "Am I right?" He must have been guessing what Bella wanted. That's right, he couldn't hear her thoughts.

For a second, I grinned smugly to myself. I forgot that he couldn't read her mind like everyone else. I had to find a way to taunt him because of that.

_Ha, ha. You have to have a normal relationship with your wife because you can't read her mind._ Wow, that was a really bad insult.

Bella nodded silently to answer Edward's question.

"Come on, Em." Edward looked at the big lug.

"Forget it. This is better than daytime TV." Emmett still didn't budge. I could hear a growl building up in Edward's chest. I shook my head and laughed. _Oh, sooo scary. _It sounded like a baby lion cub crying for his mommy. _Fear me! Or…throw me a ball of yarn to play with._ I chuckled in thought.

"This is between Bella and the dog."

_The dog?_ I scoffed. Couldn't he come up with better insults than that? At least Emmett had a clever pun now and then.

"Make me," Emmett smiled. The big moron acted more childish than anyone I had ever met in my life.

"_Now_, Emmett." Edward ordered as he glanced into the kitchen.

"Aw, come on Edward…" Emmett begged his brother to let him stay.

"Rosalie!" Edward called in reinforcements. I laughed hysterically.

"Oh, you're in trouble. He's calling your wife on you." I made fun of Emmett.

"Geeze Edward, you're no fun," Emmett frowned. He grumbled to himself. "I always miss the good stuff." He sulked as he walked out of the room.

I couldn't help shouting after Emmett as he left. "Aw, you'll understand one day when you're all grown up. Sometimes the big people need to have time to themselves!"

I glanced at Edward, who was still standing in the room with us.

_She wants to talk to me alone, remember_? I asked him in thought sarcastically.

"I'm actually staying for her benefit," Edward assured me. "If you do something to make her angry, she won't be able to live with the guilt if she kills you."

"Aw, you care about me? That's so sweet bloodsucker," I said caustically. Like I couldn't handle myself against Bella Swan?

"Cullen," Edward sneered at me. He was constantly reminding me that he'd won her heart. It's not like I didn't get the picture. The picture was pretty hard to ignore. She was in the kitchen fighting with everything she had to not eat baby food. I bet if I had knocked Bella up, she would have chosen me. Edward shook his head. "Don't be so sure."

I rolled my eyes. I was over this stupid rivalry. Bella was _his_. I got that. He didn't have to constantly mark his territory all over her like she was some fire hydrant.

"Edward, please?" Bella questioned. I grinned smugly at the vampire.

_Ha! She wants you to leave!_ I laughed.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'll be fine. I promise," she assured him.

Even with her assurance, Edward looked weary as he crouched out of the room. He gave me a look that made me glad that looks _couldn't_ kill. Because I could see myself on fire in his eyes.

"Your boyfriend is so damn sensitive," I chuckled.

"Husband." Oh great, now _she_ was correcting me too.

"My mistake." I really didn't care.

The room was silent for a few minutes. I guess I was going to have to get this party started.

"Why are you leaving town?"

"You knew it would come to this one day."

I jumped right into the sensitive area. "You know what you're doing to Charlie?"

I saw the pain in her eyes and I felt like a complete dick. I hurt her a lot. Why the hell was she still my friend?

"It's for his own good." She clenched her jaw. "I would never hurt him intentionally."

"I know. I'm sorry. Sometimes I don't think things through," I frowned.

"You got that right," she muttered.

"It's just that…there has to be another way." The thought of losing her was horrible, even though she was a vampire now and she stunk to high heaven. "Please don't do this, Bells," I begged. How pathetic was it that I was sticking my lip out like a little two year old?

"It's the only way."

"Don't give me that crap." I shook my head. I was fed up. Why did everything I love in my life keep leaving me? I thought about things for a minute. Losing Bella to the vampires was hard enough. Add in the fact that I had almost lost Leah a few days ago, and I could feel the pain overriding my system. I knew everything bothering me wasn't just about Bella, but I knew it's where I needed to start. Because if she left, I wasn't the only one that was going to suffer. I was fighting for Charlie because this is a battle that he couldn't fight for himself. You can't fight something you don't know about.

I sighed. There weren't any normal people in my life. There were a lot of people around me that I needed to fix. Leah was on the list, too. _One problem at a time._ I told myself.

"You haven't even given Charlie a chance. Maybe he'd be cool with the whole 'vampire' thing," I suggested.

"I care far too much about my father to put him in that kind of danger." Bella looked at the floor. "I don't know if I could control myself."

"Look, I'm just going to be straight with you. He's not dealing very well. Sue and my dad are doing what they can to help him through it, but if he loses you Bella…it will kill him."

"He's…he's really doing that badly?"

"Think about it this way; Leah is being _nice_ to the guy that her mother is practically dating now." I tried to put things in perspective for her. I was pretty sure that the only reason Leah hadn't ripped Charlie's head off for pining after her mother was because she knew that Charlie was in serious pain right now. If anyone understood pain, it was Leah.

"Sue Clearwater and my dad?" she asked.

"Nothing's official, but they're always hanging out." I knew how much that annoyed Leah. Seth was a little upset by it, too, but he wasn't as bitter about it as his sister. Two days ago when Seth, Leah, and I were leaving the house for something, Sue told us to be safe. Leah took one look at her mother and Charlie still sitting in the living room and responded,

"Yeah, you too. Put a love-glove on your tool, Charlie."

If Leah hadn't almost died a few days before that, I had a feeling Sue would have killed her at that very moment.

Bella sighed and then shook her head. "I just don't know if I can control my thirst."

I bit my tongue because what I was about to say was going to make me see red. But, it needed to be said.

"You really think Edward would let that happen?" I questioned. "For God's sake, he's willing to keep you from killing _me_, and he _hates_ me," I sighed. "Your dad deserves a shot at knowing you. Talk to him, Bella." I said with a scowl on my face. "Or _I_ will."

"Are you threatening to tell my father?" Her jaw dropped. "You wouldn't!"

"You know me well enough to know that I _will_." I continued with the threats.

"Jacob Black, you are a pain in the ass," she grumbled.

"Since the day I was born." I grinned at her. Of course, that was a very literal statement. My sisters told me that when mom gave birth to me that I literally ripped her all of the way open. I cringed at that, but it still wasn't as bad as what Nessie had done to Bella's body.

Of course, looking at Bella today, you wouldn't have been able to tell that anything had gone wrong with Nessie's birth. She was as hot as ever. I had to stop myself. _She's a married woman now, dingdong. Stop thinking with your dick._ I gritted my teeth in frustration and thought about how much I had once cared for her. So much that it hurt. I had been able to let go of my love for Bella, but that didn't mean that I didn't get wood in my pants sometimes thinking about how close the two of us had come to a relationship at one point. I glanced at my crotch. _You better freaking stand down, or I swear to God…_

If Bella knew how often I had conversations with _The Big Dog_…hell, if she knew that I _called_ my dick that…she would probably never speak to me again. Leah already gave me hell for it. It's not like I had told her on purpose. One day, the guys and I had been screwing around, talking about what we called our trouser snakes. It's not like we knew Leah was listening to what we were saying. She usually ignored us.

But even though she teased the crap out of us for it, I still had never laughed so hard in my life. Hearing what my brothers called their puppy pythons cracked me up. Embry's was my personal favorite. _Old Long John Silver_. It even _sounded_ Native American. And it made me kind of crave a fish sandwich.

If Edward was listening to my thoughts, he had to be _fuming_ right now. I laughed. I wondered what the leech called his push-pop penis. _Mr. Cold Banana Split? The Ice Zucchini_? I swear I heard a growl from the kitchen and I busted into laughter. Bella looked at me like I was crazy.

"It's a guy thing." I shook my head. "And plus, I'm kinda going crazy right now." What with Leah almost dying and now Bella wanted to pick up and leave town. "I don't wanna lose my best friend." I sighed as I glanced at Bella.

"You really want me to stay that bad? You still care about me that much?" she asked.

Like I'd just said, this wasn't just about me. There were a lot of reasons I thought it would be beneficial for them to stay in town. Charlie was a big one. And it would be nice for me to still be able to see my best friend on a regular basis. Not to mention that I still thought Leah wasn't feeling back to hundred percent, and having Carlisle around to doctor her made me feel better about life in general.

"What about Sam?" Bella knew that the pack would probably be glad to be rid of the vampires.

"Screw Sam," I shrugged. I was going to get hell for that later. Matter of fact, Sam was probably going to kill me for convincing the leeches to stay. But I didn't care. That big black furby didn't scare me.

"I'll talk with the others and we'll try to work something out." Bella finally gave in.

_Yes! Sweet victory!_ I grinned to myself.

"It's nice to know that you still care about me, Jacob," Bella smiled. She put her cold hand on top of mine.

"Sure, sure," I nodded.

Edward went and ruined our little moment when he came back in the living room.

"Didja get the kid to eat the blended rice patties that look like vomit?" I asked.

"Jasper is working on that now. He's enticing her with a bit of blood."

There was an image I didn't want in my head. A sippy cup of blood. Gross. I glared at Edward.

_You dickhead. You just told me that to gross me out._

Bella laughed and glided over to the window. It looked like it was getting ready to rain. Yeah, _there_ was a surprise. Rain in Washington. Did our meteorologists ever do any _actual_ work or did they just wake up every morning, say "yep, looks like rain," and then spend the rest of the day playing pool with their buddies?

She peered outside curiously and then looked over at me.

"The Rabbit looks great," she smiled.

"Yeah. Just put a new coat on her." I loved my car. I chuckled. "I'm surprised Leah's not out there scratching the paint to get back at me for dragging her out here."

"Hey, where _is_ Leah?" Bella asked.

"She's not outside ripping my car to pieces?" I asked. I had assumed she was in the car cussing at me and calling me an ass-raping cumdrinker. I remember the first time I'd heard her use that phrase. Of course she'd called Sam that. I'd gawked at her like an idiot.

"Where do you even come up with this stuff?"

Her response?

"Mind your own damn business you tampon eating cuntlicker."

She was the only girl I'd ever met to actually make me _cringe_.

"No, I don't see her." Bella shook her head. I walked over to the window and looked outside. Of course she'd run off. Couldn't really say it surprised me. She had just been waiting for an opportunity to bail. Seth was going to be pissed that I let her get away. I muttered a few cuss words. _Damn it, Leah, you couldn't have waited five measly minutes?_ I sighed. I tried not to panic. And really, there _wasn't_ any need for panic. I mean, babysitters lose kids all the time. They were like domesticated cats. They always found their way home. I could just imagine the kids' parents coming home and hearing a noise at the back door only to find out their little children were sitting there, begging for food like a common housecat.

_"Honey, do you hear that? It's coming from the back door."_

_"__Aw, who left the kids out again? Well, they look hungry. How about we give them our leftover dinner? Hey! Whoever is pawing at the door to come inside better stop that nonsense right now!__"_

I'm sure Leah was just fine. Even if some stranger did offer her candy to get her into his car so he could give her a ride home, she'd manage. I chuckled when I pictured some psychopathic convict trying to convince Leah to get in a car with him. She'd go insane on the felon. "_I'm going to shove that candied apple up your ass if you don't get away from me you crazy, old psycho!_"

"I guess she just needed some space." The truth was, Leah hated the vampires. And she hated being civil to them. So I wasn't shocked at all that she had run off. She'd probably just gotten pissed because I was taking so long in here. She'd get over it. I wasn't doing it entirely for my benefit. After Sue and I talked about how Charlie was doing lately, I knew I had to convince Bella not to go through with her stupid plan to just drop him out of her life "for his own good."

"She's far enough away that I can't hear her thoughts anymore," Edward frowned. Leah would like that. She hated when Edward did his freaky mind mojo. "I wonder when it was that she slipped out. I guess we were a bit preoccupied with Renesmee."

"She's probably just off setting fire to her clothes since they reek of here now," I shrugged. I didn't see what the big deal was.

"Is this the first time she's had to herself since she was attacked?" Edward asked.

I thought about it. Seth and I had been crowding her lately. We had the bruises to prove it. And Leah didn't hit soft. Her bruises lasted quite a while, even with the fast healing we did.

"Yeah." I saw something flash in Edward's eyes. "What is it, mindreader?" I questioned. "Did you get a glimpse of me checking my naked body out in the mirror?" I teased him.

He didn't smile. And even though Edward was usually really uppity and frowny, something seemed to be bothering him.

"Edward, what is it?" This time, I asked seriously.

I listened in shock as Edward softly explained that Leah was hurting a hell of a lot more than she was letting on. Of course, that much I knew. But what I _didn't_ know was the fact that the idiot didn't think that anyone cared about her. How could she think that? I'd sucked her damn blood!

"Her thoughts were jumbled so much that sometimes I couldn't tell what she was really feeling. She actually did a decent job of keeping me out most of the time, or just confusing me on purpose," Edward explained. "But it's become evidentially clear that she feels like she has nothing to live for."

"What?" My head snapped up. I could feel the heat traveling through my body. "Are you saying that the day on the cliff…"

"I still don't know what happened for certain," Edward explained. "But what I do know is that her thoughts are still reckless and she's still quite vulnerable."

Leah Clearwater was vulnerable? I found that hard to believe. She was one of the most resistant people I knew. She just pushed everyone away…I paused when I realized why. She pushed them away because she was trying to protect herself. She became an impenetrable force because she didn't want to let anyone in to see what she was really feeling. She didn't think she could trust anyone.

I glared at Edward. He knew. He knew how she felt and that just enraged me. Partly because I knew she felt like he was imposing on her mind. But also because she had shared her troubles with a _vampire_…though possibly not willingly through thought...rather than trust her pack. But it was still shitty of Edward not to say anything, especially since I had been so concerned about her lately.

"You kept this from me?" I growled. I could feel my hands shaking in frustration. "_How_ could you keep something like this from me?!"

"Because she didn't want anyone to know," Edward said. "I was just trying to respect her wishes."

"You know, leech, just because you think you know everything doesn't mean that you _do,_" I snarled.

"Jacob, he was just trying to help." Bella defended her husband.

"Stay out of it, Bella," I snapped. I felt immediate regret for snapping at my best friend. I looked at her. She didn't seem hurt. She just looked concerned. I started walking towards the door. The only thing on my mind right now was finding Leah to tell her what a moron she was. I glanced at Edward as I reached the front door. "You and I are going to have a talk about this later."

"I look forward to it." There was the smallest hint of sarcasm in his voice. As I was getting ready to bolt out the door, Edward sighed and stopped me. "Jacob?"

"What?" I spun around and let out a snarl. I was so pissed at him right now that the only thing keeping me from tearing his head off was the fact that I needed to find Leah.

"The only way you're going to get her to talk is by telling her how you really feel." So now he was trying to play matchmaker? What a meddling jackass.

"Gee, thanks for the pep talk, deadboy." I rolled my eyes. Like he knew how to handle Leah Clearwater?

"I do wish you the best of luck," he paused, and then a smile finally formed on his face. "_Big Dog._"

_You. Fucking. Asshole._

As I dashed out to my car, I had visions of Leah and I destroying Edward together. I'm sure she was just as sick of his "I'm the smartest vampire in the land" act as much as I was. I smirked. At least his kid was going to give him a run for his money in the IQ department.

My car kicked up a shitload of dust and mud as I peeled away from their house. I felt bad for leaving Esme to deal with the mess. None of her lazy ass vampire kids would clean it up, so that just left her and Carlisle. And since Carlisle spent most of his time saving lives, Esme was probably going to get stuck with cleaning it.

As I pushed the accelerator almost through the floor of the car, I flew down the road. I kept wondering to myself why I didn't just phase. I'd probably be able to find her faster that way. But then again, I would have to deal with my pack overhearing how I really felt about Leah.

In that split second, I understand why Leah hadn't phased yet. She was still hiding her true feelings from all of us. _You are a dumbass, Jacob Black._ I wanted to hit myself, but I was too busy trying not to veer off the road going three thousand miles an hours. How was it possible that I had spent this much time with Leah and still didn't see what was truly bothering her? God, I was more blind than Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder combined. _A+ to the idiot who couldn't see what was going on in front of his face._

I bitched at myself all the way back to La Push. I tried to keep my head clear. _If you were an emotional female werewolf, where would you be_? I had no freaking clue. Unfortunately, all I could do was push the gas pedal down as far as it would go.

I sighed as I looked out the window.

"Leah, where the hell are you?"


	17. Stupid Love Hate Relationships

**Chapter 17:**

**Stupid Love/Hate Relationships**

I was shaking in anger, but the last thing I wanted to do was phase in my car. I'd put too much work into this baby. I wasn't going to ruin it by sticking my giant doggy head through the roof. I tried to control my rage. I was so pissed at myself. How had I not been able to see this? I had practically been attached to the hip with her for the past four days.

"You are a dumb fuck," I muttered to myself. Not only had I managed to miss the fact that Leah was hurting, but I had also completely ignored her to talk to Bella today. No wonder she thought that no one cared about her. _Good job, jackass._ I praised myself sarcastically in thought. Now she thought that I cared about the vampires more than I cared about her. I needed to find her…to tell her that wasn't true.

I still hadn't managed to calm myself down yet. On top of me being angry at myself, I was also ticked off at Leah. Why wouldn't she tell me or someone else in the pack how crappy she was feeling? What good was it going to do for her to suffer in silence? She was as stupid as I was.

And I was incredibly enraged at Edward for not telling me something that was _obviously_ my business. If he had told me four days ago how Leah was really feeling, maybe she wouldn't be in so much agony right now. I could have talked to her to let her know that she wasn't alone. I just hoped that I could find Leah before she did something stupid. If I had to bring her back from the brink of death again, I was going to kill her myself.

As I swerved around a road, something from the cliffs caught my eyes. I glanced up at the same cliff that Leah had been on days ago. There was a bitter taste in my mouth when I imagined what might be going through Leah's mind right now. How alone she felt. But…she wasn't really suicidal was she? Not having the will to live and being suicidal were two different things.

If she really didn't want to be alive today, then she wouldn't be. Because she was a pigheaded, stubborn fool that knew how to follow through on things, even if she hated every second of it. I had once caught her reading some godawful crappy romance novel. She was bitching about how much she hated it.

"This book _sucks_!"

"If you hate it so much, then why are you still reading it?"

"Because I have this stupid disease where I have to finish everything I start." She turned the page and made a face. "Oh, come on! That's completely unbelievable! Why the hell would she choose that douchebag over the guy she _should_ have ended up with? This. Is. Crap!" She threw the book down in frustration and then sighed.

I parked my car in the most noticeably unnatural position in the universe and then made a break for the cliff. I had to talk to Leah. I just hoped she wouldn't kill me for telling her how I felt. I had to hope it was enough for her to cheer the hell up. Then again, if she killed me, it would be better than her killing herself. I'd rather die than lose her. I decided right then that I probably wouldn't use those exact words. If I told her that, she wouldn't believe me. She'd probably accuse me of being drunk.

_"I'd rather die than lose you, Leah."_

_"Look at me. Are you on drugs?"_

As I ran through the woods, I was able to keep calm by reminding myself that Leah was not completely gone yet. She wasn't in that dark "I'm going to slit my wrists and die here on the bathroom floor because my life is so miserable" stage. There were a couple of opportunities that she would have had a chance to tie herself a little noose, but she didn't. Hell, even the pain killers that Carlisle gave her were still sitting on her kitchen table. She'd barely touched them. But Leah didn't like medications. For someone who liked to party, she hated all drugs…including prescription. She was actually kind of preachy sometimes.

One time she caught me smoking a cigarette. It wasn't something I did on a regular basis, but it was right after Edward and Bella's wedding and I was more pumped up than Ozzy Osborne on cocaine. I decided for some stupid reason that a cigarette might calm my nerves. It only made me sick as hell. Leah caught me putting the cigarette out and moaning about how gross it was. I thought she'd make fun of me for being a wuss, but instead she gave me a freaking lecture.

"Cigarettes, Jacob?"

"Practically the whole world smokes," I'd frowned.

"You are an idiot. Why the hell would you want to pump your body full of chemicals? Just so you can deal with your troubles? You know, they say it starts with nicotine. Then it leads into the harder stuff. The next thing you know, you'll be drinking away your troubles and snorting shit through a straw and jonesing for something harder to fill up your body. Then you'll be stealing stuff and manwhoring yourself just so you can afford your little habit. Until one day you're found dead in a bathtub in some sleazebag motel with a needle still in your arm!"

_God, what a drama queen._ I just glared at her. "Sure." I rolled my eyes. "Cigarettes lead to sex and death. I'll remember that."

"Fine. If you want to turn your lungs into some black thing that looks like a giant greasy turd, then go for it," she'd snorted.

I glared at her. "Leah, it was _one_ cigarette,"

"It never stops with just one. I'm just trying to look out for you. You're Seth's best friend. I don't feel like hearing him gripe about how you've fallen into some tailspin depression where all you do is drink and smoke."

"Look, I don't need a lecture about drugs and alcohol from someone who spent most of her weekend doing shots of Tequila and passing out on her living room table wearing a lampshade on her head." My lips twitched into a smile. "Did you really dance around in your underwear to Queen?"

"I am going to kill Seth for ratting me out," she'd growled.

"Yeah, some example you're setting for your brother," I snarled at her. That comment stung her. Man, I was such an ass sometimes. I didn't feel right about my big mouth. One of these days I was going to pay someone to sew my freaking lips together so I could stop being such an idiot and saying stupid shit. I'd immediately apologized to Leah, but she refused to accept my apology and stormed away from me.

If I had only been able to see then that she wasn't just bitching at me for the hell of it. She'd said herself that she was trying to look out for me. Was that her messed up way of telling me that she cared about me?

God, the two of us were terrible at showing love. Why couldn't we just _tell_ one another how we felt without all of the dramatics? Why couldn't we just be _normal_ for once? Why did "go to hell" mean "I love you" with us?

I was racing as fast as my bones would carry me. This felt really reminiscent of the time that Bella had hurled herself off of a cliff and had almost died. Why did I always fall for the suicidal ones? And what was with the attraction of diving off of the cliff head first into a pile of jagged rocks?

_"Oh, I think I'll splatter my brains all over the ocean." _Yeah, _that_ sounded like such an _awesome_ idea. I guess maybe it would make the pelicans happy.

As I jogged through the woods remembering all of the times that Leah and I had been there for each other without ever really realizing it, I understood how deep my feelings ran. I don't know how Leah felt about me, but the thought of something happening to her terrified the shit out of me. Yet something else she was going to tease me about…if I could get to her in time.

* * *

**Leah's point of view:**

As I stood up on the edge of the cliff, I let out a sigh. Crying hadn't really made me feel any better. In fact, I think I was dehydrated now. God damn tears. I shuffled my feet from under me in frustration. Why the hell was I such an emotional trainwreck?

"Stupid female hormones," I grumbled. I kicked some of the rocks out from under my feet off of the cliff. I watched them splash into the water below.

Looking at the fall, I wonder how I hadn't been more terrified as I tumbled off of the cliff with the vampire a few days ago. I guess adrenaline has a way of protecting the brain.

_"Okay, so you're about to die. Please enjoy this kick-ass music in your head while your heart works on overdrive to keep you from feeling the pain."_ I'm sure that's exactly what was going through my brain at the time of my fall.

I heard a noise from behind me and I tensed up. I spun around and glared into the trees. God, this was _exactly_ like four days ago. If a geeky little vampire jumped out of the trees at me today, I was going to be pissed. I didn't need a replay of what had happened on this cliff last time I was here. At least this time I was going to actually fight. I wasn't about to be caught off-guard again. I let a growl build up in my throat.

I let out a sigh of relief when Jacob came through the trees with his hands up submissively.

"I come in peace," he grinned.

"You scared the shit out of me," I admitted.

"We're even, then. That was really uncool of you, bailing on me like that."

So he was going to mope about the fact that I'd left him alone with his _precious_ Bella? Geeze, his mood swings were worse than mine.

"Hey..." He looked at me with concern. "Have you been crying?"

_Like a freaking waterfall._ I wasn't going to admit to that out loud.

"What?" I asked. I cleared my throat. "No."

"You sure? You look…red."

"I always look red. I'm Quileute," I frowned. "What do you want?" I questioned.

"Just making sure that you're okay." He looked at me unsurely. "Wanna do me a favor and step away from the edge? You're making me jumpy."

"You never seem to have a problem when Sam and the guys jump," I shrugged.

"That's because I don't give a shit about them," Jacob frowned.

"What a lovely way to say you care about me," I laughed. "I 'give a shit' about you, too."

Since I didn't move away from the edge of the cliff like Jacob asked me to, he walked over next to me and looked down.

"Damn, that's really a long way. I don't think even I've jumped _that_ far."

"Because you're a pansy." I laughed.

He pursed his lips in thought and then looked at me with a curious look in his eyes.

"You didn't jump from here either, right? The leech shoved you?"

I shuddered thinking about that day again. I was a moron for not fighting back. I didn't like to see myself as a dunce, but that day, I was Queen of the Dunces. With the big, pointy, cone hat and everything.

"Right," I nodded.

He looked at me and then raised his eyebrows. "So, you _do_ remember what happened that day?"

"I never said I didn't," I said.

"You just don't want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Little Jacob Black gets a gold star. Head of the class, genius," I said sarcastically. I sighed. I was starting to miss my quiet time. He was just here to make me talk about my feelings again. Screw that. "Seriously, what are you doing here, Jacob?"

"You ran off again."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"You scared us to death."

"What 'us?' The vampires are my _friends_ now?" I snorted.

"Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I think they do care about what happens to you." He was vague on the details. My guess was that the mindreader finally spilled his freakin guts. He sang like a god damn canary. Frickin' vampire snitch. Jacob let out an irritated huff. "Why didn't you wait on me? I told you that I wasn't going to be very long."

"I just wanted to be alone for a while. You and Seth have been crowding me lately," I admitted. "And I didn't really feel like waiting around while you slobbered all over Bella."

"I wasn't 'slobbering' over her. I needed to talk to her. For Charlie."

"And for yourself." I called him out on his bullshit. He may have been telling himself that he was talking to Bella for Charlie's sake, but I knew deep down that he was doing it all for poor, lonely, little Jacob.

He surprised me with his response. "Well, can you blame me? How would you react if you found out someone that you cared about was just going to bail?"

"I'd handle it just fine. I'm used to it," I frowned sourly. "In fact, I think I might get a little freaked if everyone I knew _didn't_ bail on me."

"Leah, do you know how it feels watching someone you love hurting so much that they would be willing to give up everything in their life?"

And I suddenly got the feeling that we weren't talking about Bella anymore. But I wasn't going to apologize for wanting my space. Instead, I just explained the situation to him.

"I just needed a break from all of this over protective crap."

"It's a good thing we've been overprotective." He said with irritation in his tone. "Because you won't admit when there is something wrong."

"I'm not really worth all this fuss," I sighed.

"Don't talk like that." It sounded like I had pissed him off with my last statement. "And besides, the guys have been asking about you nonstop."

"Bullshit." I laughed. "I'm sure they're just _dying_ for me to phase back so they can hear my optimistic, happy thoughts again."

"It's been three days. You're completely healed and haven't phased," Jacob frowned. "Sam's starting to worry."

"Well, let him worry." I didn't care. "Besides, Carlisle told me to take my time."

"Since when do you listen to vampires?" Jacob chuckled.

"Better than listening to Sam," I muttered.

"I hear that," Jacob agreed. Sometimes I forgot that Jacob disliked Sam, too. Seth couldn't stand the guy either. I was convinced that one of these days, the three of us were going to tell Sam to suck it and start our own pack. "I talked to him yesterday morning. He called to check on you."

"What'd you tell him?" I asked curiously.

"That you were in the shower." I saw an inappropriate grin form on the little pervert's face. He looked away from me and laughed. "I think he was pissed that I was in your house when you were naked."

"If it makes him that uncomfortable, maybe I should invite the whole pack over for strip poker one of these nights."

I saw Jacob grin again. The little devil was _such_ a teenager. I'm absolutely certain that he was thinking, _Dear God, please don't let that be a joke._ It wasn't. I would do pretty much anything to piss Sam off. I knew that was petty of me, but it was the only way I knew how to deal with my grief. I loved to make Sam squirm. And if he was going to act like a jealous idiot, then I was going to use that against him.

"Anyway, Sam went on with some long lecture about making sure that you don't forget about your duties and all that tribe crap and whatnot. He wants you to phase," Jacob sighed. "I think he's just worried about you and he's using the whole 'phasing' thing to try and get you to tell him that you're really okay."

"Sam's not even worthy enough to lick the crap off of my ass," I huffed. "He's a douchenozzle."

"A…what?"

"No, I take that back. He's not cool enough to be the nozzle on a douche. He's not even cool enough to be the plastic wrapper for the douchenozzle."

"Sometimes your thoughts scare me, Leah," he frowned.

"So I've been told."

"Still, Sam has a point. Is there a reason you aren't phasing?" he asked. His face just screamed_ "Tell me! Please tell me!"_ But he'd just lecture me if I did.

"Yeah, being out from under his command these past few days has been great. I don't want to go back to being his little bitch."

Jacob wasn't buying it. He frowned at me, "What are you hiding?"

"Oh, because I refuse to phase, I'm automatically hiding something?" I curled my lip up at him.

"No. You always tap your toes when you don't want others to know something."

I looked down at the ground. Damn it, I didn't know that he knew my "tell." I also hadn't realized that I was doing my whole nervous, spazzy toe dance thing. I always did that subconsciously.

"How observant of you," I grumbled under my breath. How did he suddenly know so much about me? "Are you stalking me or something?"

"No, I just care about you." He put his hand on my cheek.

When I felt his rough palm against my face, my body had a mixed reaction. I was completely stunned. Jacob hadn't ever touched me like this before. No one had since Sam. My first instinct was to jump his bones like a complete horndog. My other reaction was to slap him for being so forward.

Unfortunately, I went with my anger. I couldn't stop my automatic reaction as I took a step back and smacked his hand away.

"I don't _need_ anyone to care about me!" I exclaimed. I immediately regretted losing my temper. _You fucking moron._ I screamed at myself.

"Well, tough shit, because I _do_!" Jacob took another step towards me.

"Well then, you're an idiot." _Why are you saying this shit? What is wrong with you?_ I asked my brain. _You know damn well he cares about you…_

"So are you." He let out a growl.

_Say what?_ Was he really calling an insane, emotional bitch an idiot? "Go away, Jacob."

"Why do you always do that?" he grumbled.

"Do what?"

"Act like such a crazy person? Stop pushing me away! Why can't you _for once_ just say what's on your mind?"

_I really doubt that you want in on this angsty roller coaster ride._ I laughed darkly to myself. "Go to hell, Jacob," I snapped. _Oh my God, please stop talking now._ I begged my mouth to just shut up.

"That's the thanks I get after everything I've done for you?" He looked hurt.

"I didn't ask you to do anything for me." _If you don't shut up, I am going to knock you unconscious._ I threatened myself.

"I've been busting my ass trying to protect you…"

"Protect me!?" I snapped. "Protect me from _what_?"

"Yourself!" Jacob yelled at me.

My anger was gone now. I saw the conflict of emotion in Jacob's eyes. He was really upset. Not angry. _Upset._

I sighed, "What is it you want me to say, Jake?"

"I just want you to tell me the truth," Jacob frowned.

"About what?"

"What happened the day you were attacked, Leah?"

I stared at the ground, pretending that I hadn't heard his question. Because he knew that I was seconds away from spilling my guts.

"You could have won that fight with your eyes closed. What happened?" he asked again.

I was still quiet. I wasn't really sure what to say.

"You let him win, didn't you?"

I couldn't hold my frustration in any longer. So, I gave him what he wanted.

"Yes! I gave up! Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy!?"

Jacob lowered his head sadly. "Not exactly. Hearing that someone you care about is suicidal isn't something to jump for joy over."

"I'm not suicidal." I rolled my eyes. _I just wouldn't care if I died._ I took a deep breath and continued. "I just lost it for _one second_. In that brief second, I just didn't care what happened," I sighed. "Face it, Jacob, I'm bitter and angry and no one can stand being around me. My boyfriend left me for my cousin, I treat everyone like crap, and I just hate my life in general. I mean, if I _had_ died, would it have been such a bad thing? It's not like I've got anything to live for."

He grabbed me roughly and pulled me close to him. "How can you say that?" He squeezed my shoulders tightly.

"Because it's true. Nothing in my life matters." I looked away from him and glanced at the ground again. Saying this to his face was harder than I thought. I'd never been one to share my emotions. Usually I just set things on fire or kicked my foot through a wall.

"Nothing?" Jacob growled out in a whisper. He pulled my chin up and forced me to look at him. Without warning, he mashed his lips against mine and brought his hands up to my face.

My body didn't react like it had seconds ago when he'd touched me gently. Instead of pulling away, I was shoving myself into his passion. I wasn't even thinking as I felt myself pushing back against his soft lips. After a moment, he pulled away. It took me a minute to catch my breath.

"Not even me?" he asked.

I couldn't even think straight as I felt every bone in my body trembling. But it wasn't for anger or fear. I was shaking because the kiss had meant something.

I was trembling with excitement.


	18. Why've I turned into a stuttering moron?

**Chapter 18:**

**Why have I turned into a stuttering moron?**

My head was still spinning and I was having a hard time catching my breath. I was panting like a freaking dog. A smile formed on Jacob's face as he rested his hand on my neck. He played with my hair. I wanted to smart off to him and ask him if he was secretly a gay hairdresser, but the speech part of my brain had run off with my inhibitions and my funny bone.

Bone. That got me silently thinking. Did Jacob have a _bone_ for me? Crap, I needed to stop letting my thoughts run wild. Jake and I just stared at one another stupidly. I was used to seeing that stupid, blank look in his eyes. I wonder if the gaze I was retuning was the one that I was so used to seeing on his big, dumb face. God, I probably looked like Bella right now.

_"Duh, uh, um, ah, I…I'm an idiot."_ There wasn't a whole lot going on upstairs. I still didn't know what the hell to say.

Someone needed to say something. The silence was too much for me. If no one spoke soon, I just might blurt out some weird random thing just to get the conversation going.

_"Corn!"_

_"Why are you talking about corn?"_

_"I don't know. It's the first word that my brain came up with. Do you like Jambalaya?"_

God, the things that popped up in my head, I swear.

"I'm assuming that you care about me too since you didn't phase and bite my testicles off." Thank God Jacob manned up.

_So you've got balls after all._ I thought to myself. _I felt them up against my thighs a few seconds ago._ _Let the thought drop..._ I begged my little inner voice. But of course, like me, my inner voice was a pain in the ass, which meant it was not going anywhere.

"I suck with feelings and words, so I just figured I would show you how I felt about you," he smiled softly.

"How you…_feel_ about me?" I'm pretty sure that my brain had taken a vacation. Either that, or it had run down to my little girly parts. Guys weren't the only ones who thought with their hormones. I was staring at him in shock. I'm sure my jaw was touching the ground.

I saw a devilish grin break across Jacob's face.

"Close your mouth, Leah. Unless you want me to put something in it…"

"Jacob Black!" I exclaimed in shock.

He didn't give me a chance to yell at him as he pushed against me, forcing me away from the edge of the cliff and against the trunk of a tree. Even though I knew this was wrong, I didn't fight back. I was giving in to my urges. No one had touched me since Sam. And Jacob's warm body pressed against mine made me feel so wanted. I hadn't felt like that in years. I didn't know that it was possible for me to still _feel_ anything.

_Get a god damn grip, Leah._ I opened my eyes and pulled away from Jacob. He looked at me curiously. _Stop being such a horny, little bitch._ I don't know whether that thought was directed more at me or at him.

"What the hell are we doing?" I said breathlessly.

"Making out," Jacob nodded surely.

Guess his brain wasn't working either. I liked Robin William's take on boys and their hormones. _"Men were given a brain and a penis…and only enough blood to operate one at a time."_ And I was slowly figuring out...the same could be said for girls and their parts.

"That's not what I…" I shook my head. "_Why_ are we making out?"

"Because we care about each other?" Even if it was a guess on his part, it was actually a really sweet response. And that only made me want him like crazy.

_I_ grabbed _him_ this time. This embrace was _my_ idea. I guess I was kind of a control freak. I liked to be in charge. And with this kiss, I felt my entire face warm up. Mad passion was driving me. I felt his hands gripping my thighs and I grabbed the back of his head to pull him closer to me. He parted his lips and let his mouth explore my jaw line.

As I ran my fingers through his hair, I realized how soft it was. _Hmm, I wonder what conditioner he uses? I can't ever get my hair to flow like that._ Was I _really_ thinking about hair-care products while Jacob and I sucked on each other's faces? What the hell was my problem? The next thing I knew, I was going to be asking what moisturizer he used. For such a rough, scruffy body, his hands and face were smoother than they looked. And he smelled like a mixture of pine and mangos. Did mangos grow on trees? Jesus, I couldn't get my brain to shut up.

_What are you doing, Leah_? I couldn't believe that I was shoving my tongue in Jacob Black's mouth. _This is wrong, and you know it._ I couldn't tell what my feelings were for Jacob at the moment. He had done so much for me in the past four days. And up until a few minutes ago, I had been _pissed_ about his overbearing protection of me. God, hormones sucked. Turned me into a dripping pile of…and now I was kicking myself for putting an image of something _dripping_ in my head.

All of this thinking was exhausting me. I felt a little dizzy, so I pulled away from Jacob and took in a breath of air.

"What's wrong?" he questioned. He always assumed there was something wrong. He was as pessimistic as I was.

"I just need a minute." The scenery around me was getting fuzzy. I leaned back against the tree for support. I couldn't even _feel_ my feet, so I don't know how I was still standing. His kiss had not only turned me into an idiot, but it had also turned me into a paraplegic. I couldn't feel a damn thing below my waist. Well…there was _one_ particular urge I could still feel hounding me like a female dog in heat. I pushed myself into the tree harder so my stupid jello legs wouldn't give out from underneath me. Jacob noticed my instability.

"You're not going to pass out, are you?" He automatically shot his hands out to help me keep my balance. I saw his drive for lust completely gone. Now he was all concerned about me again. If those were my only two options, I'd much rather have him pining after me with his dick. I hated when he got all protective of me. I really didn't need it.

"If I do, I will kill you if you take me back to the leech," I threatened him. My dizziness was slowly disappearing. I took a step and he followed me. "You can stop hovering over me like the hunchback of freaking Notre Dame." My head had stopped spinning. He didn't back off, but I didn't really care. The only thing on my mind was, _Holy shit, I just made out with Jacob Black._ I shook my head. The pack was never going to let me hear the end of it.

I'm not sure how long we stood on the cliff in silence. I did notice that it had started to rain. I watched the water droplets hitting the ocean hundreds of feet below us. The rain felt good against my skin, which felt like it was on fire. Hell, _every_ part of me was on fire. So _this_ is why people sometimes spontaneously combusted. And I thought that was just a myth.

I felt Jacob's hand on my arm. "Leah, are you pissed at me or something? Did you not want to…"

He was worried that he had forced me to do something I didn't want to? He knew that I would have kicked his ass if he came on to me when I didn't want him to. He had to know that he would be in physical pain if I thought he was sexually assaulting me. If anyone ever tried something with me that I didn't want to try, they would be begging for me to pull the pepper spray out on them, because the torture that I'd put them through would be excruciating.

"If I didn't want to do it, you'd be smacking against the rocks down there." I decided not to go with the "you'd be sleeping with the fishes" threat. Too damn cheesy.

"Then what is it?" he asked.

I sighed. He was _not_ going to like my answer. Especially after that completely sexy make-out session. Seriously, where had he learned moves like that? _Okay, stop doing that_. I snapped at my brain for sending me back into thinking about Jacob like that.

"That was…" I looked for the right word. Fun? Awesome? Incredible? Sexy? Exhilarating? Hot? There were so many to choose from. I went with the basic, "Fucking sweet," I paused. "But…"

"There's always a 'but' with you," Jacob sighed.

_Yeah, wanna squeeze it?_ God damn it. These hormones were _not_ making this easy. _Okay, you need to shut the hell up._ I glanced down at my vagina. _It's time for my brain to start doing the talking now._

"Look, I won't deny there was some heat between us." _Because we're both werewolves, duh!_ "But, I think we're both just riding high on the past few days. They've been kind of intense."

"I hadn't noticed." Jacob rolled his eyes. He ran his hand through his shaggy hair. I knew what the sly dog was trying to do. He was definitely cute when he did that. The bastard was trying to draw me in by trying to be sexy. "You think I'm confused?" That was an understatement.

"Aren't you?" I asked.

Jacob looked at me seriously for a moment and then busted into laughter.

"Jacob Black, this is not funny. What's so damn humorous?"

"Sorry. I just never pictured you asking me that question seriously. I thought you'd tell me that it's completely natural for me to be confused considering I was a queermo."

Well, that did sound like something I would say to him.

I shook my head and laughed. "No, I would have just gone with 'it's completely understandable that you're confused about your sexuality considering you were born with a penis, a vagina, and a tail.'"

"There's my girl," he grinned.

I shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not your girl, Jake."

"So, then why am I chewing your gum?" He jokingly referred to our make-out session.

"We got carried away."

"Wanna get carried away again?"

"Tell _The Big Dog_ he's not getting any action, so he might as well go bury his bone," I snorted.

"He'd have to dig an awfully big hole," Jacob smirked.

"Keep dreaming, kid."

"Hmm, I wonder if the Grand Canyon is a big enough hole…" Jacob joked.

"Look who's got a God complex." I teased him.

In all honesty, Jacob wasn't exaggerating. I had caught a glimpse of him a time or two after he phased, and he definitely had a reason to be bragging. _The Big Dog_ was a freaking Great Dane.

I still laughed hysterically when I thought about what the boys in the pack called their dongs. Jacob's was hilarious. Embry's was pretty funny, too. But I think Quil's was the one that cracked me up the most. I didn't get it at first.

_Mine's called Jack._

_Who in the hell names their dick "Jack?"_ I questioned.

_His last name is Mehoff._ Quil roared out laughter.

_Jack Mehoff?_ I didn't realize what it sounded like until after I'd said it.

_Dude, you got her to say it! You are the king!_ Jacob was proud of his little friend.

_Prepare to die "Jack,"_ I grumbled.

_That's Mr. Mehoff to you._

I couldn't kill a wolf who called his penis something _that_ funny. I just couldn't.

"Hello, what are you thinking about?" Jacob waved his hand in front of my face.

_Quil's dick._ It's a good thing I hadn't said that out loud. He might have taken that the wrong way. I just stared at him. I might as well have said, _Hi, I have no brain._

"Oh my God, have I shocked you into submission?" Jacob giggled.

"Yes, Jacob." I rolled my eyes. "Any minute now I'm going to roll over on the ground, show you my belly, and piss all over myself."

"Ah, a little something left over from your stripper days? How much do I have to pay for _that_?"

"You can't afford me," I said dryly.

"Come on, I sucked your blood. That's got to be worth something." He grinned at me. He looked like he wanted to say something else, and I knew exactly what it was. He was about to bust.

I just rolled my eyes again. "Just say it. You know you want to."

"How about you repay the favor by sucking something that I have?"

"Ha, hilarious," I said with a frown on my face.

Our joking moment was over. I saw Jacob's expression soften and I turned away from him. It was time to get all serious and after-school-special again.

"Why do you always shy away from me? You aren't scared of anything." He furrowed his brow.

Not physically. Physically, my arm could be falling off and I would just curl my lip up and go "It's just a scratch. Just slap some duct tape on it and it'll be fine." But when it came to matters of the heart, I was a neurotic mess. There was not enough bubble wrap in the world to wrap my heart to make me feel protected.

I gave Jacob a sympathetic look. I wanted to let him down gently. He deserved that much.

"This is not going to happen," I sighed.

"Why not?"

"One word: Imprinting." Well, that was the only excuse I could come up with on the spot. I didn't want to tell Jacob that I was terrified of getting hurt. Though I knew he probably already knew that. And if he didn't, he would find out eventually. I couldn't avoid phasing forever.

He scoffed at me, "We don't know for sure that will happen."

"But we _do_ know, Jacob." I didn't like to think that Sam would have broken my heart on purpose. Even though I hated Sam for hurting me, I knew that he couldn't control his stupid wolf senses. It sucked that when I was sharing his thoughts, he had me pining incestually after my cousin. I much preferred doting on Quil's imprint. Because right now, all he saw her as was a perfect little princess. Three-years-old, and she _owned_ his ass.

"Only the weak-willed morons imprint," Jacob assured me.

"Then you're a shoe in." I smarted off.

"I'm not going to let you run me off that easily," he frowned. "Give me a shot."

Really? He was going to be that forward with his request? The kid certainly had no fear.

"No. I've already dated a werewolf. It sucked." Even though I technically didn't know that Sam was a werewolf near the end of our relationship, I could tell there was something wrong with the moody son of a bitch. One day, he broke the sink at his place in half. That was actually kind of humorous for me because I came over and saw him sopping wet from the busted pipes.

The first words out of his mouth were, "The pipes and I had a disagreement."

"Looks like the pipes kicked your ass."

He'd just stared at me with anger in his eyes. I couldn't understand why he was so upset about a damn busted pipe. His hands started shaking and he told me to get out. So I'd told him to shove the pipe in his ass and left. I think that had been the last thing we'd had an argument over. And looking back, I saw that he was just trying to protect me because he didn't have control over himself.

Jacob brought me back into our conversation.

"I'm not the same as _him_," Jacob frowned. "Don't punish me for Sam's mistakes."

"It _can't_ work." _Because you'll just imprint and leave me, too._ I couldn't take that. Not again. I didn't have anything left in me to lose. My heart was already in twelve different pieces right now. If Jacob broke it too, I wouldn't be able to stand it.

"Why not?" he huffed. I saw him stick his bottom lip out like a toddler that didn't get his way.

"Because I'm an unlovable fuck-up and you're a manipulative bastard." _Well, that wasn't very nice._ I told myself.

"Ouch." But he didn't look hurt. He just looked determined.

I sighed. He wanted the truth. And he did deserve to know all of the reasons we just couldn't work together.

"Jake, I'm a mess. You don't want me." I didn't know how else to put it.

He took my hand and squeezed it. "You have _no idea_ what I want." He let go of my hand and embraced me in a hug. "I know you're afraid because of Sam. But I won't do that to you."

_You can't control imprinting, moron!_ I wanted to scream it from the top of the cliff, but I just let out a grumble instead.

I shook my head, "No. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…and I'm a goddamn moron," I paused. "And if anyone has the balls to fool me three times, I will go after them with a pick-axe, a chain saw, and a shovel."

"Come on, you've spent your entire life diving head first into situations with no fear. What happened to that fearless Leah?" Jacob asked.

Without missing a beat, I responded, "She got her ass handed to her by a vampire." _Even though that was technically a bad decision on my part._

"But you made it through," Jacob shrugged. Even though he didn't say the next part out loud, I knew that he was thinking it, _because of me_.

I _did_ owe Jacob my life.

"As long as I'm around, I will _always_ have your back," he assured me.

God, this was getting too mushy. _Quick! Kill him with humor!_ I yelled at myself.

"Aww, is this the part where you tell me you love me and can't live without me? Do I 'complete you?'" I looked at him with a smile on my face. He was wearing a very serious look on his face. _Don't you dare confess your love for me, you bastard. _"If you tell me that you love me, I'm going to puke." The last person who'd told me that had broken my heart. So, of course, I was turned off to the phrase now.

Jacob shook his head. "I'm not going to tell you that because I know you aren't ready to hear it," he sighed, "But…you mean more to me than you'll ever know. When I thought I'd lost you…" He shivered just thinking about it. "I'm just sorry that it took death for me to realize what you meant to me." He hesitated for a minute. "I know I'm an asshole most of the time. And I get why you don't want to trust me…" The problem was, I _did_ trust him. He'd proved how far he was willing to go for me these past four days. So, I believed with all of my heart that the idiot actually _did_ care about me. And that scared me to death. "But, I want you to know how I feel. Just...please give me a chance to show you how much I care about you, Lee."

I saw him leaning in to kiss me again. But this time he just swept his lips over mine gently and then pulled away with a soft smile.

I thought about his words. They sounded familiar. _Let me show you how much I care about you._ I felt sick to my stomach when I realized why those words rang a bell in my head. Because Sam had said the exact same thing to me when he asked me out. And suddenly, the words weren't just ringing a bell, they were ringing a giant freaking gong.

I let out an emotional gasp when I let all of the pain of my past relationship with Sam surge through my brain. The heat started to burn my face as my anger and frustration over Sam's betrayal stabbed my gut. I started shaking and backed away from Jacob. Just because he was a werewolf didn't mean that I couldn't accidentally hurt him. Although at this point, the kinky SOB would probably get a thrill out of me sinking my teeth into him.

He looked at me with concern. "Leah, what's wrong?"

No. No. No. Not now. I couldn't phase now. I wasn't ready to go back to having to share my thoughts.

I felt the anger winning and I growled out in frustration. Although I really wanted to explain to Jacob what was going on, I knew I didn't have the time. Without a word, I dashed into the woods at full speed.

As my clothes exploded beneath me, I took a deep breath to prepare myself for the overwhelming conversations I'm sure I was going to have to have with the pack.

I gritted my teeth. Well, at least they wouldn't bother me about what happened with the vampire four days ago. It's not like I could hide what had just happened with Jacob from them. Instead of "why'd you let the vampire kick your ass?", I was going to hear "why'd you let Jake grab your ass?"

I was going to give them entirely something else to think about.

This wasn't going to be fun.


	19. Boys are Pigs

**Chapter 19:**

**Boys are pigs**

I let the relief wash over me when I realized that only Quil, Embry, Jared, and Paul were running. Collin and Brady were both off. Sam's thoughts weren't present either. Seth was probably still at school registering for synchronized swimming or some other bogus class that he would just cruise through. The two people I was most concerned finding out about my brief make-out session with Jacob weren't around. I had a feeling that both Seth and Sam were going to freak the hell out when they found out. I guess that was going to have to wait for another day.

But even though they weren't around at the moment, I still did my best not to think about what had just happened. So I ended up thinking what I normally thought about everything in life:

_This sucks. This sucks. This sucks._ I grumbled to myself. I did my best to keep my thoughts as vague as possible. I knew that it would only work for about two minutes. But the longer I could keep my thoughts occupied with something other than Jacob, the better.

_Who the hell is thinking about midget clowns?_ Paul picked through my thoughts. I was busting my ass to keep my thoughts completely random.

Embry was the first one who realized it was me. _Hey, Leah! _He sounded excited to be in my head again. There was a pause and then a thought directed at Quil. _I win the pool._

_The hell you do. Today still counts as day three,_ Quil disagreed.

_But technically, it's been four days._

_We're not counting the day the fight actually happened. I win. It's as simple as that._

_Well, it would HAVE to be simple…since you're such a dumbass,_ Embry grumbled.

_Girls, girls, girls._ Paul mocked them. _I'm sure we can find a civil way to settle this. Now, you two kiss and make up._

_Shut up, loser,_ Quil chuckled. _You weren't even close. A month? Seriously? You thought it would take her a month to heal?_ That would have been great. Not having to phase for an entire month sounded too good to be true. Apparently, Paul felt the same way about not having me around.

_A guy can dream, can't he?_ Paul questioned.

_Gee, I missed you guys, too,_ I muttered.

_Sam's gonna be stoked that you're back,_ Jared nodded.

Well Sam could stick his dick in a vacuum cleaner for all I cared.

_He's really missed you. He's been worried sick,_ Jared said.

_Yeah, I can't wait for him to start spouting off commands at me. He loves it when I salute him and say "yes sir,"_ I cackled. I guess it made him feel better about himself that his ex-girlfriend _had_ to listen to what he said. I was so glad that he wasn't running right now.

Speaking of which…

_Where is the scrotum sucker?_ I asked.

_He took a few days off to go on a vacation with Emily._ Paul sounded irritated. Well, that was just…wonderful. At least I didn't have to deal with any of Sam's bullshit….yet. Paul growled something about Sam being unfair.

_It's just two days._ Embry tried to calm Paul down.

_How come HE gets to do whatever the hell he wants, but when I ask for time off with Rachel, he tells me that my stupid duties come first and laughs in my face?_

_He laughed in your face because the "eating out" you were talking about had nothing to do with taking Rachel to dinner._ Embry rolled his eyes.

Fantastic. There was an image that I did _not_ want in my head.

_You jackasses are so gross,_ I gagged.

_I just wanted to spend some time with my girl,_ Paul mumbled.

_Two weeks at the Black's house? Billy would've beat you senseless,_ Jared frowned.

_How is it fair that Sam gets to score with Emily any time he wants?_ Paul grumbled.

_Hello? Ex-girlfriend RIGHT HERE!_ I exclaimed angrily.

_So, we both agree that Sam is a dick,_ Paul shrugged. Well, I couldn't argue with him there.

_Just because he refused to give you two weeks paid vacation to go bang Jacob's sister doesn't mean that you have to be so bitter,_ Jared said.

Shit. Jared had said the magic word. _Jacob._ I squeezed my eyes shut and started thinking of anything I could. It's like I'd pressed "random mode" on my brain.

_Squirrels, Pineapples, Global Warming…_

_Uh, Leah what are you doing? Is your brain broken or something?_ Quil asked.

_Shut up,_ I mumbled out. I continued with the list of complete crap in my brain. _Pickle juice. Banana phone. Dracula. Sunglasses. Things that I hate on fire. Spaghetti. Geography. Algebra. Seth Green. Police officers. Baseball. Body Oil. Fruit. _Jacob had smelled like mangos. That's about the time I lost control of my thoughts. I couldn't hide what I was feeling anymore. The pack saw our make-out session.

_Holy shit._ Jared was the only one able to form a response. _You two kissed_? he questioned. _Like…a real kiss?_

_No, it was imaginary,_ I snapped sarcastically. _First, we kissed, and then Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny joined us for a foursome._

They all still seemed to be stunned. Quil was the first one who had the gall to snicker, but not for the reason I would have assumed.

_Aww, you thought of Dr. Mehoff when you were tonguing Jake? I feel so special._

_Shut the hell up,_ I growled. A thought crossed my mind. _And since when is it "Dr?"_

_Seems only dicks get into med school nowadays._

Had to give him that one. _You're funny, Ateara._

_You and Jacob?_ Embry gawked.

_Whoa. Sam's gonna be pissed,_ Jared laughed darkly.

_It's none of Sam's fucking business,_ I snapped.

_So Leah, you're hot for Jake?_ Paul snorted.

_Go to hell, Paul,_ I snarled. I really didn't feel like having to explain my womanly urges to these moronic teenage boys. As it is, I could already feel the hormones radiating through their sick little bodies.

_I'm just screwing with you. I think it's great,_ Paul said.

I tripped over my feet when I heard that.

_You wanna say that one more time?_ I gawked.

_Yeah. I suppose it's better than the hotdogs and vaseline you've been using for the past two years._

_You should know. You're the one who gave me the idea._ I quipped back quickly.

_No, he uses KY jelly,_ Embry chuckled.

_Shut up, Call,_ Paul snarled.

_Poor Rachel is going to have to get used to the idea of your little Vienna Sausage. Seriously, I bet it's like throwing a hotdog through a giant hallway._

Paul was fuming, but the other boys were snickering. Sometimes, I fit in too well with these immature retards. Usually, Paul was the only one I got really snarky with. I fought with everyone else, too, but Paul was just an asshole who constantly needed to be put in his place.

_You know, Leah, there's something there…_ Jared said uncomfortably.

_Where? Rachel's taint?_ I was confused as to what he was referring to.

He laughed, _No. Between you and Jake._

_God, not you, too._ I rolled my eyes. _What, is Jacob paying you to be his wingman?_

_Feelings don't lie,_ Quil said smugly.

_Yeah, you've got us all lusting after him,_ Jared agreed. _It kinda sucks._

Apparently, my feelings for Jacob hadn't completely dissipated. But I couldn't help hormones. I just shrugged.

_Consider it payback for all the times you made me drool over Kim's tits._ I immediately regretted saying that, because all of the little gutterminded freaks that I was running with got lost in a horrible, happy place in their brain.

_What is this? Amateur Werewolf Porn?_ I cringed at the images in their heads.

Thank God I wasn't subjected to their smutty thoughts for much longer. I felt Jacob phase.

_Way to go, Jake!_ Quil immediately praised him. What was it about guys and always high-fiving when they got a little action?

_"Hey dude, I got to touch a boob today!"_

_"Awesome! High five! I got to second base last night."_

_"Sweet. We should throw a party."_

_"Yeah, and lets invite lots of chicks so we can high five all night long!"_

_"Maybe I'll get to touch BOTH boobs this time!"_

Amidst the hooting and hollering the boys were doing, I was able to understand Jacob. He ignored the guys and started whining at me.

_Leah, what was that about?_

No. We were not going to have this conversation in front of our pack.

_Not now, Jacob._ I begged him to shut the hell up. Of course he didn't listen.

_I kiss you, and you phase?_ He shook his head. _At first, I wasn't sure that's what happened. But I saw your hands vibrating when you took off._

_That's not all that was vibrating,_ Quil said suggestively.

_Shut up, Quil!_ Jacob and I both snapped at the same time.

_Look, there was more to it than you think,_ I said calmly to Jacob. I felt bad that I'd hurt his stupid, sensitive feelings.

_Then by all means, explain it to me._ Jacob seemed interested.

_Seriously? Right now? _I questioned. _The walls have ears. And big-ass mouths._ I referred to not wanting to talk about this in front of the others.

_This seems to be the only time I can get you to be honest with me,_ Jacob frowned. _So, talk._

_Yeah, Leah. Talk,_ Paul laughed darkly.

_Fuck off, or I'll sick Rachel on your ass._ Jacob threatened.

_No, no, you've got it all wrong. SHE'S the one who likes it in the ass. Not me._ Paul knew that would get under Jacob's skin.

_Dude, so wrong!_ Embry exclaimed.

We could all feel Jacob's rage. I had to agree with Embry, though. That was a step a little too far. But, for a split second, I was thankful that Paul was taking Jacob's mind off of the conversation that he wanted to have with me.

_What did you say, you son of a bitch?_ Jacob snarled.

_You heard me._ Paul got all macho and dick-like.

_I am going to sink my teeth into you and claw your ass to pieces,_ Jacob snapped.

_That's what your sister said last night._ Paul continued to egg Jacob on.

Damn, he was just asking for an ass kicking. Hearing Paul talk about his sister like that really pissed Jacob off. That's what I was afraid Seth might be like when he found out about me and Jacob. I just hoped the moron wouldn't attack Jacob like Jacob was about to attack Paul.

_Paul, that's enough,_ Jared said. _Go home._

_You can't tell me what to do._ I was surprised he didn't howl out _"You're not the boss of me!"_ and then go running to Sam, _"Sam, mommy Jared was mean to me! He keeps trying to tell me what to do! But I don't have to listen to him because he's not my real mommy!"_

_Sam put me in charge,_ Jared said with pride. Oh, big freaking deal. He got to pretend he was someone important. All hail Jared. Did he want us to grovel at his feet, too?

_No, but I do expect you to curtsey._ Jared read my thoughts.

_I wouldn't get down on my knees for you if you paid me a million dollars._ Damn it, the pack was going to use that thought and turn it into something dirty.

_Whores are expensive nowadays,_ Paul laughed. _Hey, how come you give it to Jacob for free?_

I freaking knew it.

_Paul, get your ass out of here._ Jared let out a growl.

_You're an asshole._ Paul muttered at Jared as he made his way back to Jacob's place to be with Rachel.

_Hey, you're the one who wanted to spend time with your girlfriend, so go,_ Jared shrugged.

_Yeah, go watch how good of an actress Rachel is,_ Quil laughed. _She should win an Oscar for the performance she gives you._

_Watch it, man. That's my sister you're talking about. _Jacob growled at Quil. _Don't make me break your dick in half._

_It'd still be bigger than Paul's._ I couldn't help but piss Paul off more.

_Leah, you are such a bitch,_ Paul muttered.

Yeah, why did he think I'd lost the fight with the vampire four days ago? I knew everyone hated me. I suddenly realized that the pack overheard me thinking about that. Shit, shit, shit. I couldn't censor myself. I could feel their shock and confusion at my pathetic lonely thoughts. This is what I had been trying to avoid. I didn't want any sympathy, nor did I want them to tell me how much I meant to them. Didn't mean they weren't going to.

_That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard,_ Quil frowned.

_You don't think that we care about you?_ Embry asked softly.

_For the record, I don't._ Paul decided to be a smartass.

_Just because Sam is on vacation doesn't mean that he can't rip you a new one when he gets back. Shut. Your. Flapping. Jaw,_ Jared ordered.

_Why wait? I can rip him to pieces right now,_ Jacob growled.

_Okay, this whole "protecting me" shit is not going to work._ I laughed bitterly at Jacob. _If you start fighting all my battles for me, how am I supposed to have any fun?_

_Sometimes it's okay to need protecting,_ Embry said quietly.

_Not when you're me!_ I exclaimed back harshly. I didn't trust anyone enough to let them protect me. I'd never had anyone on my side before, so why should I start believing people when they suddenly acted like they cared about me? They only cared because I'd almost died. Great, now I was "sharing" my god damn feelings unwillingly, _again_.

_How can you think that way?_ Quil questioned.

_Because I treat you all like crap. And you kindly return the favor._

_We only tease you because we love you,_ Embry shrugged.

I grunted, _Oh, please don't say the "L" word._

_Leah, are you stupid?_ Quil questioned.

_Well, that's one way to make a girl feel loved,_ I laughed sarcastically.

_Do you have any idea how freaked out we were when we thought you were dying?_ Quil continued.

_Yeah, they broke my furniture,_ Jared grumbled. _That was a two piece set. Now the end table is all alone. It looks so unbalanced._

_Wow. Does Kim know how much of a girl you are?_ I asked.

Embry laughed, _You should have seen him griping as he was cleaning up the mess. He kept going on and on about how difficult it is to have nice things when you hang out with a bunch of spastic werewolves._

_Don't forget about the fact that he almost cried when he found out that one of his figurines was shattered,_ Quil snickered.

_It was Kim's!_ Jared exclaimed defensively. _I was just upset because it was her favorite!_

_You wear high heels in your spare time, don't you?_ I asked Jared. I laughed when a mental image of Jared in a dress and high heels popped into my head. I could just see him applying lipstick in the mirror and sporting a sexy grin.

_"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the hottest werewolf of them all? Why, you are big boy. And that shade of red looks fabulous on you…"_

_Quit trying to change the subject._ Quil shook his head. _Even if that is hilarious,_ he chuckled. _Jared, you are the fairest maiden in the land._

Jared let out a low growl.

_That isn't a fairytale, it's a nightmare._ Paul chimed in.

_This is how we show love?_ Embry realized the stupidity of it. _No wonder you thought we didn't care about you, Leah._

_See?_ Jacob said smugly. _I told you they cared._

I wasn't sure what to say. I could tell they were telling the truth because they couldn't exactly lie about their feelings. And I could feel the…_grumble_…"love" emitting from all of them…even Paul. That was really annoying.

I suddenly wondered how much "love" I would be feeling if Sam was around right now to hear all of this. Something told me that he wasn't going to be happy. Especially since he and Jacob were already at each other's throats. I grumbled. It was just like Sam to ruin my life without even being present. I could only blame him for the fact that I had phased today before I was ready.

_That's why you phased?_ Jacob saw my thoughts from the last few seconds after he'd kissed me. I'd thought of Sam and how much he'd hurt me. _Because of Sam?_ I could feel Jacob's relief, but there was also a hint of sadness in his voice. And some anger, too. He wanted to hurt Sam for hurting me. Great, he and Seth could join together to beat the crap out of him.

Even though Seth respected Sam…because he had to, he still didn't like what Sam had done to me. I remember overhearing a conversation that Seth had had with my father the night after Sam broke up with me. Seth was storming out the door in a rage.

"Where you headed, son?" Dad asked.

"To murder Sam Uley." Seth didn't hide his feelings from our father.

"Seth…" My dad said gently.

"Dad, he hurt her! What am I supposed to do? She's my sister! And yeah, she treats me like crap, but she's _still_ my sister. And she's in pain because of him! He deserves to have someone do the same to him, so don't try and pull rank on me here and be a 'dad,' because I'm not going to stand by while Leah's locked in her room assuring me that she's not crying when I can hear her sobbing into her pillow! The guy needs to be taught a lesson." Seth ranted.

"I was just going to offer you a ride…and my shotgun." My dad didn't like that Sam had hurt me anymore than Seth did.

"Oh." Seth sounded dumbfounded. He paused to think about it before he responded. "Yes, that would be great."

Thankfully, my mother convinced the testosterone crazy men in my family not to do anything that would put our family in a financial bind.

"I can't afford to bail you two out of jail," she frowned. "Besides, it's Leah's fight. If she wants to kill him, then let _her_ do it."

And there was a time when I _had_ felt like killing Sam. But I knew that it was just my anger talking. I could never kill someone I love. Or _loved_. I hated Sam for hurting me. And I hated Emily for being the one he left me for. But most of all, I hated myself for letting them get to me. I hated that they could make me feel so sad and alone. I hated that because of them, I would never know true happiness again.

I tried to concentrate on my pads softly hitting the ground beneath me. This was another reason I wasn't ready to phase yet. I didn't want the pack to know how badly I was really hurting. People treat you differently when you feel like crap. And that just made things worse. I didn't want to be treated any differently. But I couldn't stop the tears from burning my eyes again. I wanted to scream at myself. _Seriously? Didn't you lose every drop of water in your body earlier on the cliff?_ I'd cried so much that I didn't think I had any liquid left in me. I fought off the tears of frustration by letting my anger take control again. Being angry was easier than being sad.

I expected everyone in the pack to automatically jump in to tell me everything was going to be okay. But I'd shocked them all with my pain, so the morons were speechless.

The silence was a mixed blessing. On one hand, I was thankful they weren't doting on me and doing all the lovey dovey crap. But on the other hand, it was deafeningly quiet. And my thoughts were screaming at me. It's too bad that I didn't know how to shut myself up. Not even death seemed to help me with that.


	20. Hormones, 1 Leah, 0

**Chapter 20:**

**Hormones:1, Leah: 0  
**

The pack was silent. No one knew how to handle my overwhelming feelings. I did my best to make this Sam's fault. I liked to blame him. It made everything easier. Before he'd broken up with me, my life hadn't been nearly this complicated. My biggest concern two years ago was whether or not I was going to pass my math class. Now, I was a hateful hermit who pushed away any chance I might find at happiness. As much as it killed me to admit it, the closest I had come to a euphoric feeling had been when Jacob and I were making out. But I knew that that was mostly due to raging hormones and sexual repression that had been building for a while.

I grumbled. Sam had ruined everything in my life, including any shot I had at any normal functioning relationship. I wasn't about to let some other dickwad hurt me again.

Jacob finally summed up the courage to interrupt my thoughts.

_I already told you, I'm not him, Leah,_ Jacob said.

_Don't let your anger for Sam get in the way of your future,_ Embry agreed.

_Why does everyone I know insist on analyzing me? Since when is this town full of psychologists?_ I grumbled.

_If you don't want to be psychoanalyzed, then stop acting like a psycho,_ Quil shrugged.

_I really don't feel like talking about this. I don't do well with group therapy,_ I sighed. And I really didn't want to discuss this with the entire pack.

_Then just talk to me,_ Jacob begged.

_Why? So I can be judged by the damn peanut gallery?_ The rest of the guys couldn't keep their mouths shut if they wanted to.

_Quil, Embry. Take a quick break,_ Jared piped in. _Fifteen minutes long enough, Jacob?_

_It is for what he wants to do,_ Paul said suggestively before he phased out.

_One of these days I'm gong to beat him over the head with my father's wheelchair,_ Jacob grumbled.

_I don't think that's such a good idea._ Quil shook his head. _Why would you want to destroy a perfectly good wheel chair by denting it with Paul's big head?_

_Good point,_ Jacob nodded. _I'll just run him over with my car._

_And ruin the new paint job?_ Quil asked.

_Damn it. There has to be an easy way to kill him,_ Jacob grumbled.

_Just give him a bottle of cyanide and tell him that if he drinks it, it'll make his dick bigger,_ I suggested.

_Let's give the lovebirds their privacy._ Jared suggested with a laugh.

Note to self: Punch Jared later.

_So, fifteen minutes?_ Embry questioned.

_You guys don't have to go anywhere._ I actually wanted them to stay because if they didn't phase, then I wouldn't have to talk to Jacob. I was almost home now anyway. As soon as I got there, I was going to phase back and try and decipher my feelings…alone. It was hard to know anything for certain while I was still sharing my thoughts and feelings with everyone. It got so confusing feeling so many different emotions. Sometimes I couldn't tell which feelings were mine.

One time, when I was running, I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness overtake me. I couldn't figure out why I was suddenly sniffling like some kid with the flu.

It didn't take me long to figure out that it wasn't my grief that I was dealing with. Collin had phased because he was upset over the loss of his gerbil. I was crying over a fucking gerbil. Sharing thoughts and emotions with these guys truly sucked.

_I'm kinda hungry. Wanna grab something to eat?_ Quil asked Embry.

_Sure. What do you have in mind?_

The two of them sounded like they were going on a lunch date or something. I could see the two of them sitting outside on the patio of a fancy restaurant, trying to decide what they wanted to eat.

_"How many calories are in a baked potato?"_

_"I don't know, but I think I'll just have the salad. Anything else will go straight to my thighs…" _

Their thoughts started to drift to what they wanted to eat.

_Kim's got some leftover pizza in the fridge at our place,_ Jared offered. Quil and Embry were gone two seconds later. Offering teenage boys pizza was like offering a crackhead a pipe.

_Fifteen minutes,_ Jared said firmly. _That's all you get._

_Fuck you, asshole. No one puts a time limit on Leah Clearwater,_ I snapped.

_Considering recent events, I'll let that comment slide._ Jared gritted his teeth.

_Oh, you're so generous._ I rolled my eyes. _You should get the Nobel Peace Prize._

_I'll be back in a few._ Jared raced towards his house.

_Uh, thanks Jared._ Jacob seemed surprised at his support.

_Consider this your free pass,_ he said. _Things after this aren't going to be easy._

_Thanks for the positive thoughts,_ Jacob said dryly.

_I just figured you two should sort through whatever is going on before Sam gets back._ He paused. _Because as soon as he does, all hell is going to break loose._

_You've given me so much to look forward to,_ I grumbled. But I knew he was right. Sam was not going to take this very well. He might even throw a tantrum.

_Nah, tantrum's are Seth's department. Sam will just go for my throat,_ Jacob assured me.

_Good luck._ Jared said to Jacob as he was phasing out. _You're going to need it._

As soon as Jared phased, Jacob started bombarding me with a bunch of questions. He was talking so fast that my head started to hurt. I couldn't even understand half of the crap he was asking me.

_Why'd you run off again?_ I was able to understand one of his more prominent questions.

Like I'd phased on purpose? Because sharing all of this information with the pack is _exactly_ what I wanted to do.

_It's not like it was intentional._ _I just…I needed some time to think._

_About what?_

_About cookies,_ I replied sarcastically. _What'd you think I was thinking about?_

_Is this about what I said to you on the cliff?_

_No. I phased just so I could ponder why cats climb trees._ I didn't mean to be so snappy. I was just confused and irritated. And lashing out had always been a defense mechanism of mine.

_You felt something,_ Jacob said. His voice was calm and steady. He wasn't taunting me like I thought he would.

I didn't answer as I thought about what had transpired when we kissed. Yes, truthfully, I had let my emotions get the better of me during and after our passionate make out session. But I knew that it was very easy to confuse feelings of love with lust. I wasn't sure what I felt. I didn't love him. But I didn't hate him either. I just wanted to get the hell out of this fur so I could be alone.

I was at the edge of my property line. Jacob wasn't far behind me.

_Don't you dare, Leah, _he warned me. I was getting ready to phase. _We're not done talking yet._

I ignored him and phased anyway. My bones were a bit sore, but other than that, I didn't seem to have any weird after effects from phasing. I'm sure Carlisle would be glad to hear it.

Jacob was probably going to be all pissy about the fact that I'd phased out in the middle of our conversation. I raced into my house and straight for my bedroom to throw on some clothes. I couldn't stay here long. Jacob was going to find me and force me to talk to him. But I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. I quickly ran a comb through my hair. I glanced at myself in the mirror.

"God, I look like crap." I brushed some of the dirt off of my face. I would have to worry about my appearance later.

I wasn't sure where mom was, but at the moment I didn't really care. The last thing I wanted was for her to find out about me and Jacob making out. As if having the sex talk with her once wasn't awkward enough. I didn't need to hear it again now that I was a grown woman. I was already scarred from the last conversation we'd had. It was shortly after Sam and I had started dating. I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a sandwich, and minding my own business. My mother glided into the kitchen and sat down next to me.

"Are you on birth control?"

I'd nearly choked on my sandwich. "Excuse me?"

"Well, I just want to know if you're being safe. I know you're with Sam and he's your first love, and I just want to make sure that you're taking precautions."

"Uh…uh…" I had no clue what to say.

"Being sexually active means being responsible." She sounded like a Sexual Education Campaign. "Even if the guy pulls out, there's still a chance the girl could get pregnant."

"Oh God, stop talking," I'd begged her.

"If you ever need any, I have some condoms in my top dresser drawer." She noticed my horror. "Don't you give me that look. I am a very healthy woman."

And there went my appetite. God, she was a step away from telling me that the secret to a good marriage was home-cooked meals and blowjobs.

"Thank you, mom. A perfectly acceptable conversation to have while someone is eating," I'd nodded sarcastically.

She continued to lecture me about birth control while I fought the urge to puke up my bologna. I still remembered most of that conversation today…unfortunately. The ironic thing is that I didn't need to be on birth control. I could have all the sex in the world and I'd never be able to have kids because of the stupid werewolf thing. So if she asked me the same questions again, at least now I had an answer.

_"Are you on birth control?"_

_"I'm a giant sterile wolf."_

I scoffed. Then she'd probably go into a rant about STD's or something else. Could dogs get crabs?

I did not want to give my mother another reason to torture me. Her finding out about me and Jacob would bring back Sex Ed Sue, and she was the scariest teacher I'd ever had. Not to mention the fact that she might have a heart attack if she found out an underage guy was lusting after me.

As I paced around the kitchen like a crazy woman, I tried to figure out what I should do next. I was going to run, that was for sure. Running seemed to be the only way that I could get a little time to myself. I wasn't sure yet where I was going to go.

"To hell with it." I would figure it out when I got to wherever I was running to. I grabbed the keys off of the counter and dashed out the door.

"You're fast." Jacob was standing on my front porch in a pair of sweatpants waiting for me.

_Yeah, but not fast enough._ How long had he been standing out here half-naked on my front porch? I tried to look away from his solid glowing abs. _Seventeen. He's underage, Leah. He's soooooo underage._

"I didn't realize it was a race." I walked past him towards my mom's car.

"Leah, wait." Jacob jogged after me. He jumped in front of me and blocked my path. He was going to make this as difficult as possible for me.

"I saw you checkin' me out," he grinned slyly. Of course I was going to stare. He was hot as hell, and I was a lonely girl. Hell, he could whip it out right now and I'd probably throw him on the ground and ravage him right here in my driveway. I was so thankful that he couldn't hear my thoughts at the moment, because something told me that if I asked him to take his pants off, he would.

I looked away from his bare chest and into his eyes…which didn't really help matters. His eyes were soft and inviting. Everything about the damn boy was freaking God-like. This was going to be hard.

_Hard_. Just like…_shut up, for God's sake, shut the hell up!_ I yelled at my raging hormones.

I frowned at Jacob, "Look, I told you…I just need some time."

"Why are you fighting me on this so much?" Jacob whined.

"Because…" I gritted my teeth. I took a deep breath. He wanted me to talk to him? He wanted to know how I really felt? He asked for it. "Because I will _ruin_ you, Jacob."

"What are you talking about?"

"Look, I've got a lot of baggage…" I had more luggage than Hartsfield Jackson International Airport. "I'm angry and messed up, and I don't want to hurt you. Because I know what it's like to be hurt. So please, for your own sake…stay away from me."

"Don't worry about me," Jacob shrugged. "I can handle a lot more than you think."

"You're still just a kid, Jacob…"

"A kid who has known the pain of having his heart broken," he admitted. Sometimes I forgot that he had been through hell and back with Bella. "Believe me, that tends to make a guy grow up pretty fast. Stop treating me like I'm two years old."

_Nah, if you were two, Quil would have probably imprinted on you._ Wow, that was a cheap shot, even for me. I shook my head.

"You're still vulnerable over losing pussy-pire."

"Pussy-pire?"

"I combined 'pussy' and 'vampire.' Never mind." I frowned. "The point is, you aren't over Bella. And I'm not over Sam." Fuck. I'd said it out loud. That hurt a lot more than I realized it would.

"Leah, I was over Bella the day she gave birth," he admitted. "It's kind of hard to see her in the same light now that she's a vampire with a kid. And that birth…just disgusting. They should make a video of that and show it in Sex Ed to scare the crap out of kids." No, all they needed in Sex Ed to scare children was my mother. _Hello, children. Today, I'm going to talk to you about birth control!_

I saw Jacob shivering thinking about Nessie's birth. "She's still my best friend, but I know that it'll never be more than that." He glanced at the ground nervously. "_You_ are the girl I want to be with."

"Why? Because I'm the only single girl left you've got a shot with? Did you just wake up one morning and decide that you would have to settle for me?" I rolled my eyes. I saw Jacob wince in sadness. "See? I'm already doing it. I'm already hurting you. _That's_ what I'm trying to avoid." I shoved past him.

"Avoid _this_." Jacob grabbed me roughly and forced his lips upon mine.

_I can't do this again._ If I lost control this time, there was no turning back. Despite the fact that it felt incredible to have someone this passionate about me again, I shoved him away and made a beeline for the car. If I could just get in the damn car…

"You are _not_ walking away from me again." Jacob grabbed my arm. I jerked it away from him and threw a punch into his chest. My knuckles cracked when my fist came into contact with his muscles.

"Ow. Shit." Stupid man-boob muscles.

"You okay?" Jacob questioned. I hadn't hurt him at all. Fortunately, since I was as strong as him, I hadn't really done much damage to myself either. My knuckles only stung a bit from the hit. I gave him an annoyed look and saw that he was smiling at me. That only annoyed me more. He broke into hysterical laughter.

I continued to glare at him. "What the hell are you laughing at?"

"You're not the first girl that's punched me for kissing her."

"So, you're a repeat offender on the sexual assault list," I said dryly.

"No. I just always fall for the idiots who deny their true feelings."

"I'm not _denying_ anything…" _Except you access into my pants._

"It gets kind of annoying getting beat up by someone you care about."

"If you keep getting hit by girls, then maybe you should take it as a hint," I frowned.

"You wanted to kiss me and you know it. This means as much to you as it does to me." Jacob continued to grin at me.

"It's hormones, Jacob!" I yelled in frustration. I wondered if any of my neighbor's had heard that. That would be an odd thing to hear while having lunch.

_"Hey honey, could you pass me the business section please?"_

_"Certainly dear. Would you like more tea?"_

_"IT'S HORMONES!"_

_"Well, there's something you don't hear every day…"_

"It's more than hormones. I can tell that you feel something for me, too."

Yeah, because I hadn't been laid in a while. Hell, if the town drunk came up to me and planted a kiss on me, I'd probably be lusting after him, too.

"No, I really don't." I shook my head.

"Then why aren't you in the car yet?" Jacob smiled at me. I stared blankly at the car and then back to Jacob. Why _wasn't_ I in the car yet? Jacob had let me go as soon as I hit him. He sighed, "I'm persistent. I'm not going to give up, Leah."

"Great. My own personal stalker," I snorted.

"Let me ask you something. Four days ago, did you think I cared about you?" he asked. What a weird question.

_Four days ago, no one cared about me._ But instead of replying with a sarcastic comment, I answered him honestly.

"I wasn't sure. We're at each other's throats so much…" _Although that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing._ For a brief second, I pictured myself exploring Jacob's neck with my tongue. Then I nearly bit my tongue off trying to fight back the stupid immature urges that I kept coming up with today. This must be how a teenage boy felt every second of every day. No wonder they were constantly having to hide their crotches with their binders and books in school.

"Uh huh," Jacob nodded. "And how about now? Do you think that I care about you _now_?"

I huffed in irritation, "Yes. Of course." And what did that have to do with anything?

He winked at me, "Persistence pays off."

"Tell me you did not just wink at me," I scowled.

Jacob smiled shyly and it made me want to hit him for being so freaking cute. He was acting like a drooling moron in kindergarten trying to tell the little girl on the playground that he liked her. Watching kids always made me laugh. There was always that stereotypical little boy that picked on his crush.

_"I love you, so I'm going to shove your face in the ground and make you eat dirt."_

And then, of course, the girl would respond by treating the boy like crap for the next ten years of his life. Relationships are fucked up in the worst way. But this revelation made me realize something. We treat the people we care about like crap because we know they won't abandon us. Because love meant sticking with someone through any situation.

And while I didn't _love_ Jacob, I definitely cared about him enough to keep him from getting hurt. I knew I caused a lot of pain and I didn't want to be the source of his pain. I think for once in my life, I was trying to be selfless by not giving Jacob the chance that he wanted with me. I was trying to protect him? Hmm, this felt weird.

"What's it going to take for you to give me a shot?" Jacob questioned.

"The same day I meet an honest politician. When hell freezes over, when pigs fly, and when the moon turns purple and rotates backwards around the earth."

"Leah…" He took a calculated step towards me and took my hands in his. "Four days ago, you didn't think that you had a reason to live. Well, I'm giving you one," he smiled softly. "And if I knew that you cared about me just _half_ as much as I care about you, I would be happy."

Geeze, did he have to be so _sweet_? I grumbled.

"You have got to stop doing that."

"What?"

_Making me want you._ Thank God I hadn't said that out loud. I quickly made up a bullshit answer, "Being so nice to me."

He sighed as he let go of my hands. "I just needed you to know how I felt before you took off again. I understand if you need to take some time…" He touched my cheek softly, "Just try not to make me wait too long, kay?"

I glanced at the car and then back to Jacob. "You really care _that_ much about me?"

"I do," he nodded. "So do whatever you've got to do to realize that you care about me, too."

I looked at him seriously. He looked sincere. He was willing to let me completely overreact and bail on him because I didn't want to take any emotional risks. I was being such a wuss. Jacob actually understood my feelings. He could see that the more he pushed me, the more I was going to pull away. He wanted me to take my time. I guess he could see that I was wearing a mask to protect myself. And he was letting me continue to protect myself. So, in his own way, he was protecting me. I think in our own screwed up ways, we were both trying to protect each other.

Somewhere in this train of thought, I had moved closer to him. As I was leaning in to hug him, I couldn't tell if it was a hug goodbye or if it was something more.

"Thank you, Jacob." The words still didn't sound right when I said them.

He didn't say anything back. He just nodded silently with a weak smile on his face. As I gazed into his eyes, I couldn't help but feel the slightest bit attracted to him. My little inner-monologue kept telling me to run, but something else was keeping me here.

I let out a sigh. "Screw it." I wrapped my arms around his neck and my lips found his. He quickly followed my lead as he pressed his bare chest against me.

"Told you you cared about me." He pulled away and whispered softly. The smug little shit.

_Shut up and make out with me._ Of course, I couldn't say anything because his lips were back on mine two seconds later. I felt my heart racing in my chest as Jacob shoved me against my mother's car. I couldn't help but laugh hysterically in my head. My mother's poor car had so many dings and dents in it from me making out with guys.

I could see the insurance agent appraising the car.

_"Hmm, what happened here?"_

_"Well, my daughter was making out with her boyfriend in the back seat and they lost control of their passion and ended up rolling into a tree." _Even though I had never told her that Sam and I were rounding third base when I wrecked the car, I had a sneaking suspicion that she knew.

The agent would look around the car a little bit more and come around to the dent I'm sure my ass had just made.

_"And what about here?"_

_"My daughter and her werewolf boyfriend decided to use my car as a bed while they pounded each other as the entire neighborhood watched."_

_"You're joking."_

_"Sir, I wish I was."_

Jacob and I pulled away from each other at the same time. My heart was still beating like crazy. If we were going to keep doing this, I was going to have to find a way to control my heart rate so I didn't feel like I was going to pass out every time we kissed.

I looked at Jacob and he was smiling. _Still_ smiling.

"I made your heart flutter." He grinned in triumph.

"That wasn't you, jackass. It's because my heart hasn't been the same since I died," I laughed softly. I glanced at him seriously for a moment. "This does not mean that I feel the same way that you do." I still wasn't sure what the hell this was. But I knew that I wasn't going to declare my love for Jacob just because we'd made out a few times. I didn't want to disappoint him, but I wanted to be honest with him.

Jacob didn't seem phased. "Sure, sure," he smirked. Sometimes his whole "sure, sure" thing got on my nerves. Did he have to echo it every time? He put his hand on my face. "How's your heart at the moment?" His eyebrows twitched in anticipation.

_Who the hell gives a crap?_ Even if I felt like I was about to die, I still wouldn't turn Jacob away. My lovely hormones wouldn't let me. And right now, _they_ were in charge. I wasn't in control of myself as I curiously ran my hands across Jacob's muscles. _Uh, what am I doing?_ I asked myself. But even my voice of reason…something I rarely heard anyway…couldn't stop me from being handsy.

Jacob leaned in to kiss me again, but we were interrupted by a noise from behind us. I heard someone gasp.

"What. The. Hell?"

Crap. Seth was home.


	21. Busted

**Chapter 21:**

**Busted**

**Jacob's point of view:**

Most guys would probably be concentrating on how quickly they could get off the ever-puzzling, pain in the ass enigma that women called a bra. Me? I was concentrating on the sound of Leah's heart. _You are so not a normal dude, Jacob._ I frowned at myself. I had Leah all to myself, and all I could do was count her damn heart rate.

Every time we got close, I could hear it speeding up. But even when she was resting, it was still really fast. It freaked me out how rapid it was now. But Carlisle was certain she was okay, and Leah certainly didn't act like anything was wrong. She was back to beating the crap out of everyone like nothing had ever happened.

We pulled our lips apart at around the same time. How I managed to stop mid-make-out, I'll never know. I grinned. Oh yeah, I was master of my _Big Dog._ Not many guys my age could just stop themselves from making out with a hot chick. Crap, had I just referred to Leah as a hot chick? If she heard me thinking that, she would probably kill me. I'd made the mistake of calling her a chick once.

"Do I _look_ like I live in a nest and lay eggs?" she'd snapped at me. "I am a lady."

"Yeah, right. If you're a lady…then I'm the Queen of England," I'd snorted. "Since when do _ladies_ call their ex-boyfriends 'anal sucking buttpirates'?"

"It's anal _fucking_ buttpirate," she'd corrected me. I still didn't know where she got such a crude mouth. I often wondered if she just said the vulgar things she did just so she could keep up with the rest of the pack. It couldn't be easy being the only female among a group of males. But Leah somehow pulled it off. No one in the pack could ever top the things she said.

I looked at Leah. It was hard to read the expression on her face. I think she needed a break. Even though she would never admit it, I could see that she was light-headed again. I'm not sure what was causing that. I guess hormones did some weird things to people. She took a breath and I heard her heart thumping crazily.

_I knew you wanted me._ I had to bite my tongue. I really needed to watch what I said to her, because the slightest thing might piss her off, and I'd end up chasing her away again. _Great, looks like you're going to have to actually think about what you say, Jacob._ Normally I just blurted out what I was feeling, but if I was going to make this work with her, I was going to have to actually think about the things I said to her. At the moment, all I wanted to do was ask her how she was feeling, but I had a sneaking suspicion that if I asked her that, she might kick me in the balls. And bruised balls really kill the mood for passion.

I watched as Leah tried to catch her breath. I think I heard her heart actually skip a beat.

"I made your heart flutter," I chuckled.

She rolled her eyes as she responded, "That wasn't you, jackass. It's because my heart hasn't been the same since I died."

I grumbled to myself, thinking about how close she had come to dying. Hearing her heart actually stopping was one of the worst sounds I'd ever been subjected to. And I had once listened to Paul belting out Steven Tyler's greatest hits. But compared to the silence of Leah's heart, I would gladly take Paul singing Aerosmith and making my ears bleed.

I was surprised when Leah softly touched my chest. Normally, she didn't do _anything_ softly. I did the best I could to keep my hormones in check, but I was fighting a losing battle. My skin freaking _tingled_ when she touched me. I felt like a moron as I closed my eyes and talked to my dick like it was a god damn dog. _Easy boy, easy._

Leah's fingers slowly traced across my chest. _Yeah, I'm hot._ I grinned in thought. I _knew_ she liked my muscles. Being a werewolf effing rocked sometimes. _You like that, don't you baby?_ God, I sounded like I was in a soft core porn flick. I frowned. That was probably one of the most conceited things I could have thought. I glanced at Leah. _God woman, what the hell have you turned me in to?_ I had never really thought like that before today. Of course, I had mounds of testosterone and thought with my penis like every other male out there, but there was something about Leah that turned me into a mindless, self-absorbed douche.

I shifted all of my weight to my left side as I took my right hand off of the hood of Sue Clearwater's car and put it delicately against Leah's cheek. She felt warm to me. Maybe it was just the passion, but nothing ever felt warm to my touch. I took a moment to relish in the fact that she was actually _letting_ me touch her. Leah wasn't a very touchy-feely person. Normally, she wouldn't let anyone near her, let alone touch her. The day her father died, I decided to give her a hug. I'd found out very quickly that it wasn't the best idea in the world.

She'd flipped me over onto my back and snapped at me not to touch her. And all I could do was glance up at the ceiling and grunt out, "I'm so sorry for your loss…"

She'd sighed and helped me off of the ground. "And I'm sorry I broke your collar bone. Just don't touch me again."

I scoffed, "Please, I'm not hurt…" _Except my dignity is a little bruised…_ Having a girl kick your ass was pretty damn humiliating.

Yeah, Leah was a tough one. She inherited that from Sue. I had never met anyone more held together than Sue Clearwater. Sometimes, the woman scared me more than Leah did. It never ceased to amaze me how strong women could be. A lot of the time, they were braver than most men. But I could never admit that out loud. If I did, my brothers would kick my ass for thinking like such a sissy.

I looked at Leah and reminded myself that no matter how strong she may be, she wasn't completely invincible. There were flashes of the past four days in my head. I hated seeing Leah helpless. And I'm sure she hated _being_ helpless just as much. It made me incredibly uncomfortable to think about how close I had come to losing her.

I felt her tense up. "This does not mean that I feel the same way that you do."

_Whatever you need to tell yourself, sweetie._ I grinned to myself.

"Sure, sure." I tried not to come off sounding like a smartass, but it didn't work. She didn't seem to care, though. Guess all of that making out tamed her anger for a bit. "How's your heart at the moment?" It was a loaded question, of course. What I was really asking was, _You ready for round two?_

She didn't answer me, but didn't shove me away either. I could barely contain my excitement. _Hell, yeah!_ I exclaimed in thought. I got within inches of her mouth before a noise startled us both. I heard a gasp and then an angry growl.

"What. The. Hell?"

_Shit. Round two cancelled._ I glanced up and saw Seth glaring at me like he was getting ready to take my damn head off. _Cock-blocked by her kid brother._ At first, I just sat there like an idiot. My brain was blank. All I could see was little Seth Clearwater standing at the end of his driveway with his fists trembling in anger. I didn't know what to say. _Hey Seth, can you come back a little later? I'm kinda busy ravaging your sister at the moment…_ He'd castrate me right here in his front yard.

"Oh, Jesus," I muttered, barely audible.

"Seth. Hi!" Leah exclaimed in a higher pitch than normal. The look on her face was _"Oh, fucking hell."_

Seth was shivering with rage. "How…why…what…"

He forgot "who," "when," and "where." _Please don't make an ass of yourself… _I begged my brain. I laughed bitterly. That was a given. There wasn't a day that went by that I _wasn't_ an ass.

"What are you doing?" Seth was able to form a full sentence.

_Rounding second base with your sister on your mother's car. What's it look like?_ Something told me that Seth wouldn't find that at all humorous.

I felt Leah knee me in the stomach. I had been so stunned that Seth caught me slobbering on his sister that I didn't realize that I was still on top of her. I pushed myself off of their mother's car and helped her stand up.

"So, little brother, did you get the classes you wanted?" Leah acted like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Seth could be stupid, but he wasn't _that_ dumb. And how in the hell could Leah be so cool about what was going on right now?

Seth completely ignored Leah and let out a growl that I _think_ was directed at me. I had to contain my laughter, because he sounded like a kitten when he growled. He was so adorable. I had to fight back the urge to dangle a string in front of him.

"Jacob, you have ten seconds to start running." Seth was grinding his teeth.

"Oh, are we playing hide and go seek?" I asked sarcastically.

"Shut up, moron," Leah growled at me. "You'll only make him angrier."

"And we wouldn't want to see him angry. We wouldn't like him when he's angry. Does he get all green and explosive? 'Grr, Seth smash, Seth kill.'" I did my best impersonation of _The Hulk_ that I could manage. It really sucked, and Leah just looked at me, shook her head, and called me a geek. But I couldn't help it. I pictured Seth running around as the angry monster, only he was so soft-hearted that he wouldn't be able to cause any damage to anything. It'd be more like 'Grr, Seth will write 'Jacob sucks' in sidewalk chalk so as not to cause damage to any property.'

I remember one time when Seth was trying to prove to the guys that he was just as bad as they were. So he decided to play a huge prank on us. We were all hanging out at Sam and Emily's place and Seth couldn't stop snickering to himself. Finally, Embry asked him what was so funny.

"You've all been drinking _diet_ coke," he'd snickered. "When you guys asked me to pick up some drinks, I got diet!" He almost fell into the ground in laughter.

"Hmm…" Paul glanced at his glass and shrugged. "I thought it tasted different."

"It's diet!" He howled out laughter.

"Oh, you're one _bad_ dude…" I'd rolled my eyes.

"A monster," Quil agreed sarcastically.

We let Seth bathe in his hard earned triumph that day. I'd never seen a smile so big on his face. That smile was no longer evident on his face today. He was actually frowning. I don't know if I'd ever seen him frowning. I wondered if it was hurting his facial muscles to pull into a grimace.

"What the hell is going on here?" Seth was over beside me and Leah in just a few strides.

_Depends. How much did you actually see_? I wasn't sure whether or not he had seen Leah and I making out. Perhaps he just saw me straddling her over his mother's car. I could come up with about a million different explanations for that. I could just say that Leah was feeling light headed…which I knew that she was when we were kissing, even though she wouldn't admit it…because she was a stubborn brat. I could just say she passed out, and I was just checking her vitals. There was a hole in that story though. What if he asked how she passed out on the hood of the car? What was I supposed to say to that? _She was sunbathing…even though there's no sun out today._ Oh well, I could bullshit him better on my feet. Plus, he was kind of naïve sometimes, so he probably wouldn't even think about that.

"First, I phased and no one was around. So, you know, I'm thinking 'crap, what if they're all dead?' because I know Embry and Quil were running today, and the fact that no one was around freaked me out a little. And then I run home to make sure Leah's okay, and I find you on _top_ of her?" Seth exclaimed.

"Plus side, I'm not dead," Leah grinned.

"You will be when mom gets home." Seth threatened her.

I saw Leah roll her eyes. "I don't think mom is in any position to give me advice about _my_ love life." I'm pretty sure the only reason that Leah hadn't chased Charlie off with a pitchfork was because she felt bad that his daughter abandoned him to go suck on a vampire's frozen toes.

"Jake, how could you, dude? My sister on my mom's car?"

"Would you believe that she fainted? I caught her before she hit her head on your mom's car. She was just waking up when you got here," I lied. _Please buy it, please buy it, please buy it._ He didn't look convinced. And I had managed to piss Leah off, too.

"You dick. Now he's going to make me go back to Carlisle," Leah snapped. She rolled her eyes, "Look, lying to him isn't going to do any good," she grumbled. "Seth, this was _exactly_ what it looked like."

_Aw, Leah, WHY?_ She couldn't at least _try_ and make up some bogus white lie to fool her brother?

As expected, the angry little bunny turned towards me and showed me his teeth aggressively. I fought every urge in my body to avoid patting him on his head and cooing at him. He looked pretty damn pissed, and I highly doubted that calling him cute was going to help my case.

"Jacob, my sister? _My_ sister? You made a move on _my sister_!?" Seth squealed like a little girl.

"Technically, _this_ time she made the move on me." Crap, why did I blurt shit out? I saw Seth's lips twitch in irritation.

"Run, Jacob," Seth snarled. "Run _now_."

"This is none of your business, Seth," Leah interjected. "Now, go back to your comic books and action figures."

"Look kid, it's not what you think…" I tried to calm him down.

"Don't call me 'kid,'" Seth snarled. He shook his head, "I just…don't understand how this happened. I mean, you two hate each other! This morning when you dropped me off at school, you were talking about killing each other! How the hell did you go from 'die, you bastard' to _this_!?" Seth started to hyperventilate.

"God, relax before you phase, Seth," Leah warned him.

Seth ignored his sister's warning as he squared himself up against me. I had to hold in my laughter. Seth _fighting_ me? I hoped that someone could catch it on camera and then post it on youtube. All around the world, people would see me holding back Seth with one hand and telling the little guy to calm down. He saw me grinning like an idiot.

"You think this is funny?" Seth frowned.

Did I think that it was funny that a Chihuahua was trying to fight a Great Dane? Yes. Yes, I did. I glanced at Leah, and she was just staring at me. Her facial expression just yelled, _Why the hell are you smiling?_

"Seth, chill out." Leah noticed that Seth was shaking.

Nothing ever pissed Seth off, so the fact that he was trembling showed me how much he cared about his sister. I needed to let him know that I cared about Leah, too, and that this _wasn't_ just because I was some seventeen-year-old horndog trying to get in his sister's pants.

"Look, I know you're freaked right now. I remember how it feels. When I found out about Paul and Rachel…"

He interrupted me before he let me finish. "Did you find _your_ sister making out with Paul in your driveway?"

I took a moment to pause before I answered, "No." A slight grin washed across my face. "They were in the bed of his truck."

Leah punched me in the shoulder. "You. Idiot."

_Ohhh, I'm shaking,_ I chuckled. "What's he going to do? Come after me with his light saber?" I snorted.

I had a hard time seeing Seth in a fight…especially against me. I was his buddy. I glanced at Seth and something crossed my mind. I wasn't his friend right now. I was just some guy taking advantage of his sister. Oh, and I knew that look. The look that he was giving me was the, _"You fuck with my sister, and I'll fuck you up" _look

"I care about her, Seth," I assured him.

"Did you imprint on my sister?" he growled.

"God, no." Great, that sounded really shitty. I wanted to look at Leah to make sure that I hadn't pissed her off or hurt her, but I didn't want to take my eyes off of Seth, because I was sure he was going to hit me the first chance that I lowered my guard. I did my best to backtrack. "I mean…I wouldn't want to. And Leah wouldn't want it, either. We both hate imprinting." Against my better judgment, I glanced at Leah. She was staring at me, curiosity in her eyes. I knew exactly what she was thinking, _I can't wait to hear your explanation for this…_

"Who says we can't fall in love the _normal_ way?" I questioned. _By making out, hanging out, holding hands, having lots of sex, fighting over stupid shit, having more AWESOME make-up sex, and then deciding that we want to spend the rest of our lives together? Sex._ Fuck, I hated being a guy sometimes. I knew I had to edit myself a bit for Seth. If I started talking about what I wanted to do to his sister under the sheets, his head might explode.

I closed my eyes and thought about Paul and Rachel. I reminded myself that I needed to handle this better than Paul had handled it with me. He knew that I _hated_ the fact that he imprinted on Rachel. Unfortunately, there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it…except make his life a living hell. But it's not like he made my life easy.

"I…want to bang your sister," Paul had blatantly declared one day.

"You're going to fucking die, asshole." I'd leaped to my feet and raced towards Paul in a rage. Imagine my surprise when my sister had stormed into the room and thrown a snowglobe at my head.

"You leave Paul alone!" Her hit had nearly knocked me unconscious. "Who I bang is none of your business!"

I'm pretty sure I saw Paul stick his tongue out at me. The child in me wanted to throw a fit, _But Raaachel! It's Paul! He's a complete turdhole!_ Personally, I think my sister could do better. I could sympathize with Seth. Even though he fought with Leah constantly, he still loved her and wanted to protect her. That's just what brothers did. We spent our entire lives causing our sisters nothing but grief, and then beating the shit out of anyone else who caused them harm.

"Come on, man, you know me…" I tried to talk Seth down from his temper tantrum.

"Yeah, I do. And you aren't helping your case any," Seth grumbled. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at me.

Great, I had finally convinced Leah to give me a shot, and now her menopausal brother was standing in my way.

"Seth, this is _my_ life." Leah finally had enough of his overprotective bullshit.

"Yeah dude, she's right. Calm down," I shrugged.

He clenched his jaw, and his body tensed up. Crap, was he going to phase? I took a step back just in case. I pulled Leah with me.

"Let go of me, Jacob." She jerked away from me. "I'm not afraid of my brother."

This was the angriest I'd seen Seth in his entire life. In fact, I think this was the first time I'd seen him _truly_ pissed off. There had been a couple of times when he'd grumbled and groaned about something that was bothering him, but I had _never_ seen him turn bright red in anger.

"Stop acting like such an overprotective older brother. You're four years _younger_ than me," Leah complained.

"But you are _still_ my sister, and it's my job to protect you."

"Why does everyone I know think that I need protecting? Do I need to hire a bodyguard to get you sissies off of my case?" Leah snapped.

"Emmett would be perfect," I joked. I could see him walking around the Rez with a serious look on his face, showing his teeth anytime someone got near Leah. Plus, listening to the two of them banter was flippin' hilarious.

"Jake, you're my friend…but Leah's my sister…so, I'm warning you…"

"Seth, I love you, but you're being a moron," Leah interrupted him. "What I do is none of your business."

God, she sounded exactly like Rachel. Had I been this annoying when I found out about her and Paul? I frowned. There was a huge difference in the two situations. Paul was a horny loser, and I wasn't. But I realized that's what Seth was seeing me as right now. No one would ever be good enough for his sister. I got that. I felt the same way about my sisters.

"Hey, Leah, let me talk to Seth alone for a minute," I said.

"Why?"

"It's a guy thing," I shrugged. "You don't have a problem with that, do you Seth?"

"The less witnesses, the better," Seth snarled.

"Whatever. You two are idiots. Have fun beating the shit out of each other." She mumbled something about us being overprotective as she disappeared into the house.

_Okay, it's time for a serious conversation now._ This was going to suck. I didn't do well when it came to "serious" conversations.

"Look, I know you're pissed right now…"

Seth laughed angrily, "No, you would be _lucky_ if I was pissed. I am infuriated."

_Infuriated?_ Sounded like a thirty-year-old woman yelling at her husband because he forgot to take out the trash.

"How could you, Jake?" Seth growled at me again. "You know how lonely and vulnerable she is…"

_Yeah, well so am I_. I rolled my eyes. But the pack didn't really give a shit about what I was going through. Because it was different when guys were lonely. We automatically got branded sissies if we admitted our _feelings_.

"I didn't take advantage of your sister," I frowned.

"Yeah, like she made the first move on you?" Seth rolled his eyes. "Leah can't stand _anyone_, let alone you…"

_Obviously she can, or else she wouldn't have been French kissing me earlier…_ Thank God I was able to keep my smartass comment to myself.

"I can't believe _you_, of all people, would sink so low…"

"I love her, Seth!" I finally lost control of my thoughts. It felt very odd to be saying that out loud, especially to Seth. But I knew the only way I was going to get Seth to understand what was going on here was to just be honest with the little hardass. "This isn't just about raging teenage hormones. Leah means a lot to me. And I'm not going to let you ruin this."

Seth looked surprised. His mouth was hanging open and he was struggling to speak, but nothing he said was making any sense.

"Love?" he questioned.

"Yeah."

"What? Since when?" Seth still had the same look of shock on his face.

"The moment she reached for my hand when she was dying at Jared's house." It was in that moment that I realized how much she needed me, even though she never said it. I felt it. And when she took my hand, I didn't want to let it go. I realized how much she really meant to me. The two of us had been through so much crap together. And even though we didn't always handle it in a traditional way, we made sure to be there for one another when life got really sucky.

"You…really love her?" he asked. I nodded. How many times did he want me to say it? I hated to repeat myself. "Does she know you feel this way?"

_No, the make-out session that you caught us in is completely unrelated._ I rolled my eyes. "I haven't said it to her, but yeah, I'm pretty sure she knows how deep my little _girly_ feelings run."

"And what about Leah? Does she feel the same way?"

"I don't know. I don't think so," I sighed. "At least, not yet." I shook my head. "Look, I'm not going to force anything upon her that she doesn't want. You know Leah can take care of herself." I reminded Seth that he had a tough-ass sister.

"She thinks she can," Seth said solemnly. "And believe me, she has gotten very good at pretending that everything is okay, but underneath it all, she's still hurting. Because of Sam and his stupid imprinting. You have to know there's a possibility that you'll do the exact same thing to her that he did."

"I won't, Seth."

"It's not something you can control," he reminded me.

_Neither is my love for your sister._ I mumbled in thought. "You're trying to look out for her. I get that," I nodded. "But this is between me and her. Let us handle it."

"Leah acts tough, Jacob, but you _can_ hurt her. She's strong, but not strong enough to have her heart broken again," he sighed. I could see that he understood this was not an argument he was going to win. "Don't fuck it up," he frowned. "I mean it, man. Hurt her like Sam did, and I will _end_ you." Seth threatened me. I couldn't help but picture tiny little Seth Clearwater trying to fight me like a little girly man. I let a chuckle slip out and he cocked his head in confusion. "Something funny about that?"

"No. No, not at all." I squeaked out another laugh. "I just pictured a Boston Terrier named Seth biting my ankle viciously."

I watched his face harden for a moment, but then a smile slipped out. "A Boston Terrier?" He rolled his eyes.

"I was going to go with Dachshund, but I was afraid you'd think I was calling you a weenie." I shook my head in amusement. I looked away from him and over at Sue's car. I didn't really think about the damage the two of us might have caused rolling around on the hood. Looking away from Seth probably wasn't the brightest thing I'd ever done.

"Hey, Jake?" Seth questioned. I turned to face him again and saw his fist flying at my face. The blow caught my cheek. I brought my hand up to my face and cracked my jaw.

Had Seth Clearwater just _punched_ me? Damn, I didn't know the kid had it in him. I chuckled out a groan.

"Nice one, dude."

I saw immediate regret wash across his face. I think he was just trying to warn me that if I hurt Leah, he _would_ kick my ass. At least now I knew he was capable of it. But he looked like he felt guilty.

"Crap, I'm sorry. I didn't really hurt you, did I?"

_Uh, Seth…you don't apologize to someone after kicking his ass. It's just not very manly._

I could see him punching someone in a rage. _"Take THAT, you asshole! Oh no, let me get you an icepack…"_

"I think I'll be fine," I assured him. I couldn't help myself as I let another smart aleck comment slip. "Leah hits harder," I shrugged. I saw him raise his fist again, and I let out a laugh. "Joking!" I rubbed my jaw. "Easy, killer. What do you say we go tell Leah that we're friends again?"

I saw Seth smile in amusement. He looked smug. But I could tell that he wasn't just grinning about punching me in the face. There was something else on his mind. He laughed quietly.

"What's so funny?"

"You really think Leah's still around?" Seth questioned.

"She went in the house." I pointed out.

"Our house has a back door." Seth rolled his eyes.

Little Muhammad Ali was right. Leah had probably taken off again. That girl was so hot and cold that it was driving me wild. And even though she was driving me insane, I couldn't care about her more…


	22. Worst Day Ever

**Chapter 22:**

**Worst. Day. Ever.  
**

**Leah's point of view:**

I laughed to myself as I walked through the woods behind my house. I'm sure it would be a while before Seth and Jacob realized that I'd walked straight through my house to the back door and had taken off as soon as they decided to fight over which one of them knew what was best for me.

It took all the strength that I had to not shout out as I was bailing, "Ha! _I_ know what's best for me! Suck it, boys!" I wasn't going to hang around while they argued over which one of them loved me more when in reality I had my doubts that anyone _really_ loved me.

I had to remember to thank Seth for overreacting in such a way that it occupied Jacob long enough for me to get away with my thoughts for a while. I'm sure the two of them would be crying and sharing their unmanly feelings for most of the day. It's a good thing that I had gotten out of there, otherwise I might have had to listen to them declare how much they loved me…and each other.

_"But Jacob, I thought you loved ME? You were just using me to get to my sister?"_

_"Seth, you know how much you mean to me. How can you think like that, bro?"_

_"I just…I thought we had something special."_

_"Aw, give me a hug, you crazy little dog…"_

_"Oh, your hair smells like mangos…*happy sigh*."_

_"I love you, buddy."_

_"Not as much as I love you."_

Those two morons loved each other more than they loved themselves. It seems that I was always watching one of them encouraging the other for some reason or another. Hell, I'm surprised when Seth found us, he didn't root Jake on.

_"Yeah, Jake! Woot! Get her buddy!" _I shivered when I pictured Seth as a little cheerleader on the sidelines while Jacob and I tongued each other._ "You can do it! Yes you can! Come on Leah, and bag that man!"_

I squeezed my eyes shut to try and get the image of my brother in a cheerleader's uniform out of my head.

I thought about how close Jacob and Seth had gotten these past few years. The bond between them was creepy at times. Jacob loved having Seth follow him around like a happy little freak. And Seth adored Jacob and worshipped him like he was in a cult. He was on the freaking path of Jacob Christ. What was so special about the boy that _everyone_ wanted to be his best friend? I'm sure he was just a step away from having his own church. Then again, he certainly had the body of a God. _Go. Away. Hormones._

I started to think about how I was constantly screwing up relationships around me. I introduced Sam and Emily, killing my relationship with Sam and straining my relationship with Emily. Relationship's number 1 and 2: Sliced and Diced.

Because of my status of being a werewolf, my father took on more stress than his already weakened heart could take. When he died, it devastated my mother. Relationship number 3: Toast.

And now, I was coming between the biggest man-crush in the world by giving Jacob and Seth something to fight about. I was well on my way to destroying over 4 relationships in just under two years. That made me feel like crap. Relationship number 4: Killed.

_Leah Clearwater: Relationship-killer and bond-buster._ I should have some business cards made up. Although, it's not like I could help that everyone I knew eventually split because of me. And who knows, maybe Jacob and Seth would find a way to work it out. Because if they didn't, then I'd end up blaming myself for that as well. It would be weird if they stopped hanging out. Those two were inseparable. Bambi and Thumper. Dorothy and Toto. Tweedledum and Tweedledummer. Seth was constantly following Jacob around. Sometimes I liked to piss him off by calling him Jake's bitch.

I corrected myself, "No, _you're_ his bitch now." Or maybe he was mine. Shit, I don't know. I couldn't figure out what on God's green earth made me want to suck on Jacob's…

…face. I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts. As I replayed the past twenty-four hours in my head, I tried to see how this day had gone so completely wrong. My headache from this morning seemed to be reappearing. The day's events were catching up with me. I was so lost in thought that I didn't even see that someone was walking towards me.

I heard leaves crunching under something and glanced up just in time to stop myself from plowing into him. What the hell was he doing out here in the middle of the forest? It took a moment for my brain to respond. Right now, Sam Uley was the last person I wanted to see.

"Sam…" _Oh, crap._

He looked surprised to see me.

"Leah?"

_Give me a god damn break._ Could this day get any more annoying? _Really? First vampires, then making out with Jacob, and now THIS?_ What kind of horrible joke was my life? I looked at Sam. He was staring at me. Maybe if I kept walking he would think that he was hallucinating.

"I was just on my way to your place," Sam said.

_Good, keep walking. Maybe you can join Jacob and Seth. You can have a threesome._

He looked irritated now. "I couldn't find anyone when I phased. I called Jacob's place and talked to Paul. He said that you and Jacob were together."

God, Paul had a big frickin' mouth.

"None of what he says is true," I blurted out.

"What do you mean?" Sam had a perplexed look on his face.

_God, you're an idiot._ I wanted to smack myself. Maybe I had misunderstood what Sam meant. "Why? What do _you_ mean?" I questioned.

"Paul told me that I could probably find Jacob at your place," Sam explained. "Though, I can't say that I'm surprised considering he's been your nurse for the past four days." He rolled his eyes.

I laughed when I pictured Jacob in a nurse's outfit. Somehow, it made him seem less manly. I laughed even harder when I pictured myself pressing a button to call for the nurse and screaming at him to bring me some pudding and a magazine to read. Then, my brain slowly shifted into a fantasy that I didn't want to have where Jacob and I were playing "Doctor." I grinned thinking of the surgical instrument that Jacob had for me…

_Stop it, STOP IT!_ I screamed at myself.

"As irritated as I am with him right now, I can't disagree that he's done a good job." Sam smiled.

_Huh? You're "irritated" that Jacob and I made out? But, you think he did a good job feeling up your ex-girlfriend?_ Thank you Lord for the filter in my brain. _Where the hell have you been?_ I snapped at my brain. Did brain filters take vacations?

"You do look like you're feeling better. Have you phased yet?"

Was everything about the damn pack with him? I swear, that's the only thing he ever thought about. I grinned at him. _Yeah, after I felt Jacob's package against my thighs._ God, I wanted to say that out loud to him just to piss him off.

Since I wanted to be a bitch, I didn't answer him seriously.

"Sadly, the vampire venom affected my ability to transform into a big dog. I don't think I'll ever be able to phase again." I shrugged and then smiled to myself. How great would that be if it were true? He looked at me crossly and I just rolled my eyes. "Everything is fine, Sam. I didn't have any problems." _Except for the fact that apparently I made the entire pack crave Jake's nuts._

"Is that what you're doing out here?" Sam questioned curiously.

_Craving Jacob's nuts?_ I had two conversations going here. The one in my head amused me more than the one I was actually having with Sam.

"Did you just phase back?"

"Phasing has nothing to do with the reason I'm out here." _I'm out here because I'm avoiding Jacob. We made out today. Several times in fact._ "I'm just taking a breather…" _Because Jacob took my breath away._ _Fuck you, I found another guy._

"Alright. Well, do you know where everyone is?" Sam asked. "I'm going to call a meeting…"

Crap. He was going to find out about me and Jacob today after all. I wonder if there was a magical way to keep a werewolf from phasing. Maybe I could drug him first so he'd be high when he overheard the pack's thoughts about what Jacob and I had been up to today. We could get him doped up and _then_ tell him about us.

_"Sam, Jacob and I made out."_

_"What? That's great, dude! Hey, do you have any chocolate? Oh, who invited the dancing bear?"_

"A meeting about what?" I asked curiously.

"You'll find out _at_ the meeting." Sam wouldn't give anything away.

_I gave you my virginity, and you can't even give me a little hint about a stupid meeting? You suck. And not very well, I might add._

"I thought you and Emily were shacking up in a cabin somewhere," I said bitterly. "What's the matter? The honeymoon's over so soon?"

"I did tell the guys that I was taking time with Emily. I needed them to believe _something_."

Why would he lie to the pack? And if he wasn't with Emily, then where was he? He saw me questioning these things in my mind. He let out a sigh and his face hardened.

"Most of it you will find out about when the pack is together. I need to speak with all of you," he said. "The reason I told the pack that I was taking some time was because I needed to discuss some things with the Elders…"

Ah, so that's where mom was. It was a relief that she wasn't off in the backseat of Charlie Swan's cruiser. I cringed at the mental picture of my mom ripping off Charlie's uniform while he _frisked_ her. I could taste bile in my mouth. _Ugh, fucking NASTY!_ Dad would roll over in his grave if he knew what his best friend and his wife were up to nowadays.

"Paul is on his way to Emily's. We're meeting there. She made refreshments," Sam explained. Of course she did. Emily was our pack's Gordon Ramsey…minus the screaming and throwing things. "I've got to run. I'm going to tell him to find Collin and Brady." Sam started to walk off.

"Wait!" I grabbed his wrist quickly. It nearly killed me to touch him. Every time I felt his flesh, I was reminded that I would never be able to have him again. _You are not allowed to phase. Paul won't keep his thoughts to himself._ "Uh…I'll do it." I would?

"You will?" He looked surprised.

"Why does everyone always give me that look when I offer to do something nice?" I asked. Although, I was doing it mainly because I didn't want Sam to phase and find out about Jacob and me yet. Seth was going to be hard enough to handle. Dealing with _one_ emotional girl a day is enough.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then let out a confused sigh. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"Quil and Embry are at Jared's," I huffed angrily. "Why don't you give them a call while I tell Paul to get the others?"

"And Jacob and Seth?" he asked.

"I'll make sure they're there, too," I shrugged. I turned to walk off. I heard Sam mutter something about my strange behavior and question my sanity.

_Yeah, how's it feel to be on the outside looking in and not understand why someone you know is acting like a complete lunatic?_ I'm sure what he was feeling was probably exactly what I went through after he phased for the first time.

I pulled my shirt off and kicked off my pants. I slapped them against the cord on my ankle and quickly phased.

_Hey, Leah! Welcome back!_ I heard Brady's enthusiastic voice.

_Well, well, well…_ Paul laughed. _Look who was able to pry herself away from Jacob's rock hard…_

_One more word and I will slay you,_ I threatened. We also needed to keep it PG since Brady was running too.

_Oh, I'm not as innocent as you think, Leah._ Brady tried to sound tough.

_Says the pipsqueak whose voice is high enough to be on the next Alvin and the Chipmunk's album,_ I scoffed.

_Geeze, I thought that maybe Jacob had relieved some of your aggression,_ Brady mumbled.

_You little bastard._ I couldn't help but be a little shocked at how forward he was being. I guess Paul had shared my thoughts from earlier.

_Careful, kid. That's how she reels you in. She treats you like crap and then she jumps your bones._ Paul cackled.

_Fuck you, Paul._

_That's Rachel's job._ Paul smirked.

_In that case, I'd say she deserves a raise. God, the guy who cleans the portapotties at a Chili-festival has an easier job than she does._

_Jealous?_ Paul questioned.

_Nope. Just curious as to how you're able to keep yourself going for a full two minutes, _I snickered. _You are a regular steed,_ I said sarcastically.

_Have I told you how glad I am that you're back?_ Paul asked dryly.

_Aw, you're so grumpy. What's the matter? Was Rachel too tired to pretend that you're the best she's ever had?_ It felt so good to be back to fighting with Paul. He was so fun to irritate. He got all fluttered and angry.

_Shut up,_ Paul pouted.

_Nice comeback. You must have worked on that one for hours._ I didn't want to stop teasing him. But I needed to get everyone to Sam and Emily's before Sam got impatient and phased. _Sam already told you about the meeting?_ I asked.

_Yeah,_ Paul said.

_I'm going to get Collin now,_ Brady explained.

_Good, I'll see you guys there._ Before I phased out, I asked something of them. _Just do me a favor and don't say anything to Sam about Jacob and me._

_Aw, is Leah Clearwater afraid of Sam Uley?_ Paul laughed.

_The guy that still has a nightlight outside of his bedroom door?_ I snorted.

_He told us that that's so Emily can see if she has to get up in the middle of the night._

_That's what he WANTS you to think._ I laughed as I phased out. I put my clothes back on and grumbled as I made my way back home.

I took a deep breath as I walked through the front door. As expected, Seth and Jacob were staring at me when I walked into the living room. Well, at least they hadn't killed each other on my account.

"Thought you'd be gone longer than that." Seth looked surprised to see me. He was right. If I hadn't run into Sam, I probably would have been racing towards the California shores. I could spend a couple of weeks there just relaxing in the sun and pondering what the hell I was going to do about Jacob. For such a temperamental little dick, he certainly knew how to be sensitive and sweet.

"Guess who I ran into in the woods?" I asked.

"Big foot?" Jacob guessed.

"Close. I'd like to shove a _big foot_ in his ass." I laughed. My mood suddenly turned sour again when I realized that I had to go to Sam and Emily's house. Going to their place was always hard for me. "Sam's got some big, important announcement."

"If one of the guys opened their piehole, I am going to kill him." Jacob leaped to his feet defensively. Funny, he reacted the same way that I had reacted when I thought for a split second that Sam knew about us.

"No. It's got something to do with the Elders. So unless Billy and Old Quil are teaming up with my mom to do some kind of abstinence campaign, I don't think it has anything to do with us." I shook my head.

"He didn't say what it was about?" Seth questioned.

"No." I shook my head. "Come on, I'll drive." I grabbed mom's keys off of the counter.

"In the car that you and Jacob defiled? I don't think so!" Seth frowned in disgust.

_Oh, if you only knew what else I have done in that car, little brother._ I laughed in thought.

"I see you're not completely over it yet." I smirked at Seth. He glared at Jacob and then at me.

He sighed, "Just promise me one thing?"

If he told me that he had condoms in his dresser drawer, I was going to kill him.

"My bed is off-limits, okay?" he asked softly.

I decided to give him a hard time. "Too late," I shrugged. I hadn't really done anything in Seth's bed…except one time by accident. It was late and Sam and I had gotten carried away when we had too much to drink. Needless to say that the glow in the dark Star Wars covers should have been my first hint that I was in the wrong room. I would've thought that a furry wookie and a Jabba the Hut would have killed the mood. But alcohol has a way of making you not give a shit about your surroundings. Plus, it had given Sam and I a laugh that night.

_"What's with the hairy wookie?"_

_"What are you talking about? I just waxed..."_

_"Okay, the chubby thing is really freaking me out."_

_"Relax, Sam. The bigger, the better."_ I'd paused and glanced at the picture of Jabba the Hut that was scaring him_, __"You know, I never really noticed it before...but his chin does look like a set of balls...__"_

"My bed? _My_ bed!?" Seth threw a fit and whined about how I never respected his things. Which…I really didn't. But all I could do was laugh because Seth looked like a cute little bear cub when he was angry. I looked over and saw that Jacob was laughing too.

"Come on. You can yell at me in the car." I motioned for the boys to follow me. I was actually eager to find out what Sam wanted to talk to us about. Maybe we would get lucky and he was quitting. I really didn't give a crap who he handed the reins over to as long as he wasn't going to be the Alpha anymore.

By the time we got there, everyone else had already arrived. Kim was helping Emily in the kitchen. And as much as I didn't want to eat my cousin's fabulous cooking, I was starved. So I quickly filled up a plate and started eating like a pig. We gathered around in Sam's living room and ate.

I heard Kim giving some of the guys a hard time. She turned to Emily and let out a laugh.

"I'm glad we're at _your_ place. I'm getting a little tired of coming home to a wrecked house." She looked at Paul and Quil, who were sitting next to each other. "So which one of you broke my collectable figurine?" Kim questioned. Both boys had their mouth's full, but that didn't stop them from blaming one another. They both pointed an accusing finger at the other. I guess, technically, if Kim was going to blame anyone, she should blame me. I'm the one who died and caused the boys to lose control. But I wasn't about to say that out loud. Kim would just lecture me.

_"The next time you decide to die, please make sure to tell the boys in advance so they don't flip out and break shit."_

Sam stood up and called the attention to the center of the room.

"Whoo, dance for us sexy!" Quil called out jokingly. Some of the other boys laughed and then hooted out a few catcalls and some whistles. Yeah, they wouldn't be whistling if they saw how terrible Sam's "sexy" dance really was. In fact, I think I might share that the next time I phased.

"That's enough," Sam said kindly, but firmly. Oh, so his little announcement was serious. Oh well, at least I wasn't going to be subjected to him telling us Emily was pregnant or something. That would suck. But from the look on his face, the news he had to share was not that joyous. "I've called you all here because I have an announcement to make."

I gasped jokingly, "Are you finally coming out of that closet you've been hiding in for years?" I just couldn't resist. Sam shot me a warning look and I rolled my eyes and sarcastically saluted him.

"As you all know, the tribe has been voicing some concerns about the child that Bella had with her vampire husband."

I looked over and saw that Jacob had his hands tensed up into fists and he was grinding his teeth. But he had no problem speaking through his anger.

"We already talked this over with the Cullens," Jacob growled. "Nessie isn't a threat. We even reviewed the treaty…"

"Which became null and void after the leech turned Bella into one of their own," Sam frowned.

"Technically, he never bit her." Jacob spit at Sam sarcastically. "He injected the venom into her heart."

"The outcome was still the same. Now, shut up and let me finish," Sam ordered. I saw Jacob's jaw clench shut from the command. "The meeting with the Cullens gave me far more to think about then boundary lines. I was alarmed when I witnessed how quickly the child grows and learns. And the fact that she already craves blood at such a young age is not a fact to be lightly overlooked. So, I have been discussing her progress with the Elders. Yesterday, it was called to my attention that the child will be hunting with her family soon."

"Who cares about a couple of lousy dead deer?" I muttered.

"The problem is, we don't know what will quench her thirst. Perhaps she'll accept the _vegetarian_…" he sneered, "…lifestyle. But we can't take the chance that she might have the urge to hunt humans as well. If her parents lose control of her for just _one_ second…the outcome could be devastating. We can't have that kind of a risk this close to our borders."

"What are you saying, Sam?" Seth asked.

"Renesmee…" He sighed and took a breath. "Must be destroyed."

Well, that was a hell of an announcement.

The room was silent.


	23. I should have been an actress

**Chapter 23:**

**I should have been an actress**

The silence didn't last long. Seth and Jacob immediately protested Sam's decision, while the rest of the guys whispered among themselves. Emily and Kim both drifted into the kitchen to avoid the room of emotional werewolves. I sat on the couch staring at Sam in disbelief.

_You're an asshole._ I shook my head in thought. I glanced at him and told him exactly what I was thinking.

"You're an asshole, Sam. You want to kill a kid?" Even though Nessie wasn't an average child, I couldn't ignore the fact that she had a beating heart and rosy little cheeks like all the other little brats that ran around the playground today. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Leah…" He gave me a warning glance.

_Oh, I'm so scared of you, jerkhole._

"Oh yeah, I'm trembling." I rolled my eyes.

"This is crap, dude! She's just a baby!" I recognized Seth's voice louder than the others. Of course, he and Jacob were the first two to whine like little bitches. The two of them acted like girls half the time. Maybe I should purchase them a years supply of panty-liners.

"She seems as such, Seth. But you have to remember, she is not an ordinary child." Sam looked sad about this decision. "This was not something that the Elders and I came to lightly."

I rolled my eyes again. "Oh yeah, I'm _sure_ you all sat around a bonfire talking about the pros and cons of vampires raising children."

Sam shot me another warning glance.

"Can't we just ask them to leave?" Collin questioned.

I had to contain my laughter. Just this morning, Bella was prepared to pack her moving van and go, but Jacob had convinced her to stay. Talk about horrible timing.

"It's not right to chase them away!" Jacob snapped.

"It's what we were born to do!" Sam snarled back. "Now fall in line, Jacob!"

I hated seeing Sam use his command on anyone. And it was really low of him to use it on Jacob when he knew how passionate Jacob was about the stupid vampires.

"I'm all for the kicking the vampires asses, but if there's a way to end this without one of us getting ripped to shreds by the mindreader, I think Collin is on to it." Jared stepped up next to Sam. "We could talk to the Cullens. Tell them our concerns. Maybe see if they would be willing to move away?"

"We can't endanger another town by letting the creature live." Sam shook his head. "The Elders are in agreement with me."

"The Elders are all crazy!" Jacob exclaimed angrily.

_Hey, my mom is on the council, jackass._ I glanced at him. But then I thought about it. My mother was raising two werewolves and shacking up with my dead dad's best friend. Maybe she _was_ crazy.

"This is bullshit!" Jacob whined. So much for Sam keeping Jacob in control with his command. Jacob leaped to his feet and stormed over to Sam. Well, I envisioned that Sam and Jacob were going to be fighting today, but I thought it would be over me. The selfish part of me was glad that Nessie was in the hot seat and not me. "You can't do this." Jacob's hands were trembling.

"Jacob has a point. This isn't right." Seth immediately jumped to Jacob's defense. Looks like I hadn't come between their bromance after all. But it wasn't just Seth that agreed with Jacob. I heard everyone else chiming in.

"Shouldn't you have asked us what we thought?" Embry asked quietly.

_What a girl._

"Let's think about this," Jared said.

_Chicken shit._

"Everyone needs to chill the hell out." Quil raised his voice.

_Macho dick._

"Dude, this blows," Paul complained. "You drug us all the way out here to tell us something you could have just called us about?"

_Lazy assmonkey._

"QUIET!" Sam screamed out, sending his command through everyone in the pack. I shivered when I felt his order. I didn't like it when he was in control of me. "The decision has been made. Now, everyone take a minute to relax and we'll go over assignments for tonight."

"_Tonight_?" Seth asked, exasperated.

I had to fight the urge to raise my hand and clear my throat, _"Excuse me, I died four days ago. Can I be excused from this assignment?"_

"So that's just it then, huh, Sam? We're just going to murder something with a beating heart in cold blood?" Jacob referred to the fact that Nessie had a heartbeat. "How does that make us any different than them?"

"I know you're upset about this, Jake…" Sam said softly.

"Bella is my _best friend_!" Jacob cried. "I've done some pretty shitty stuff to her that she's looked past, but I don't think she'll forgive me for killing her kid."

"She's not a normal child. You know that."

_She's a genius murderer that is going to overthrow us all_. I snickered in thought.

"She's not a killer either," Jacob argued.

_She just drinks blood._ I added.

"We don't know that," Sam frowned.

_You don't know ANYTHING, dumbass._

"You're overreacting," Jacob snorted.

_Drama queen._

"No. You're underreacting. Your judgment is clouded."

_Blah, blah, blah._

They were both reacting badly, that's all I knew. All of their screaming was making my head throb. I stood up and tried to slip away from the yelling. Seth followed me out on to the front porch. I grumbled to myself. Couldn't I run away for once without someone following me?

"Are you running away again?" he asked.

_Maybe._ I looked into his sad, puppy-dog eyes and couldn't find it in me to tell him that I was thinking about bolting again. "No. I just needed some air."

"I know. This sucks. Sam really hit a new low today. And I thought I was pissed at Jacob…"

"You really need to get over that." I laughed.

"I can't help it. I don't want to see you hurt again."

"Don't worry about it, kid," I sighed. _There's no way I can possibly feel any more pain than I'm already in._ I glanced at Sam and Emily's house. A house that once might have been mine. Back before Sam changed. I frowned.

"We should be in there backing Jake up," Seth suggested.

"Why? Nothing we say is going to change Sam's mind." When Sam broke up with me, before I found out about Emily, I had begged and pleaded him not to go. I used every power of persuasion I could think of. None of it worked. The asshole always stuck to his guns.

"Come on, the Cullens have taken good care of you. Carlisle saved your life. Why aren't you more upset?"

"I _am_ upset," I said nonchalantly. "_This_ is me upset." There was a bit of dark humor in my voice.

Seth frowned at me, "I don't see any blood, and nothing is on fire…" He pointed out.

"If it would make you feel any better, I could walk in there and punch Sam in the head."

"How's that going to help?"

_I dunno, but it would make me feel pretty good._

I heard the door open from behind us. From the profanity involved, I could tell that it was Jacob.

"This is un-fucking-believable," Jacob snapped. I could see how upset he was, and it made me hate Sam more than I already did. I didn't know it was possible to loathe the son of a bitch any more.

"Maybe we can still talk him out of it." Seth was hopeful.

"He's doling out assignments as we speak." Jacob punched the side of the house in frustration. His fist split the wood. He looked at his bloody knuckles and let out a growl.

"You really shouldn't hit houses." I said as I glanced at the damage. "Now Emily's going to be pissed." When she saw the new crack in her house, she was going to flip out. For such a tiny little woman, my cousin had a hell of a temper. I guess it ran in the family.

"Yeah, and she'll beat you with her wooden spoon," Seth nodded.

"I don't care," Jacob growled. "Watching the pack destroy Bella's baby is far worse than anything your cousin could ever do to me."

"Okay, when did you get all depressed, you little emo?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"About the time that Sam decided to go through with his bullshit idea," Jacob sighed. "I know no one else in the pack gives a damn about them, but I _do_ actually care about the Cullens." I could tell that was hard for him to admit. I don't think there was anyone in the Cullen household that Jacob hadn't grown fond of. He still hated Edward. And I'm not sure how strongly he felt about Rosalie. Then again, she was hard to like. But, as weird as it felt, I understood where the bitchy blonde was coming from. She hadn't chosen to be a vampire anymore than I had chosen to become a werewolf.

"I care about them, too," Seth interjected. They both glanced at me.

"Don't look at me. I hate _everything_…including vampires," I said.

"So you agree with Sam?" Seth sounded heartbroken.

"Of course not, you moron," I frowned. I grumbled to myself. I didn't really like them, but I didn't hate them enough to want to go into this stupid battle that Sam was prepared for. Carlisle saved my ass, and more importantly, he had been saving lives for longer than any of us had been alive. How could I feel right about taking someone like him out of the world? He was one of the last good doctors out there.

"Maybe we can warn them." Jacob looked like he had an idea in his head. He nodded surely, "That's exactly what I'll do."

I laughed sarcastically, "As soon as Sam realizes that you're missing, he'll phase and order you to get your butt back here."

"Damn it. You're right." Jacob sounded irritable about my correct assumption.

"Of course I am. I'm always right," I said smugly.

"Seth? Maybe you could…"

I laughed again, "You might as well just walk right up to Sam and spit in his face. If Seth's gone, he's going to _know_ something's up. Maybe _I_ should just go. Sam won't think anything of it if I take off. It's what I do." I was being sarcastic again, but I saw Seth and Jacob look at me seriously.

"That's not a bad idea," Jacob smiled.

"Guys?" Collin stuck his head out the door meekly. "Sam wants to talk to you three."

"Tell Sam to go fuck himself," I snorted.

"Uh…in those words exactly?" Collin asked. He sounded scared.

"We'll be in in a minute, Collin." Jacob assured him.

"Okay." He disappeared again.

"Well, what do you say, Leah?" Seth questioned.

I sighed, "Fine. It'll be more believable if I storm out. And as soon as I can get in Edward's head, I'll warn them."

"Thank you." Jacob grabbed my hand and squeezed it in appreciation.

"Hey, I owe you. Remember?" I scoffed. "But after this, we're even." This actually wasn't a bad idea. I could pay both him and Carlisle back at the same time for keeping my damn heart beating.

"Not even close." Jacob disagreed with me. He leaned in and I think the punk smelled my hair. What a weirdo.

"Hey, none of that while I'm around," Seth frowned.

"Grow up, Seth," I advised.

"How are we going to explain your absence to Sam?" Jacob asked.

"Easy. All you guys have to do is piss me off, and I'll storm out in a rage."

"I don't know. Us getting you to lose your temper? That sounds like a stretch." Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Just don't be surprised if I punch you," I shrugged.

"Hey, you hit harder than Seth." Jacob pushed my brother playfully. I saw Seth fuming at that and laughed hysterically.

"You hit him?" I gasped through my laughs.

"It was more like a slap …" Jacob grinned.

Seth grumbled something to himself and then glanced at me. "You sure you want to do this, Leah?"

It certainly beat hanging around here with a bunch of moody, whiny werewolves and watching Sam and Emily helplessly stare at one another.

"Yes." _God, yes, get me the hell out of here._

The three of us walked back into the house. Seth walked in the living room before us. Jacob paused and grabbed my wrist.

"You'll be careful, won't you?" he asked.

I sighed. I guess this "protective" thing that Jacob was doing wasn't going to disappear any time soon. My dying had really turned Jacob into a whiny, scared, little brat. But he didn't have to worry about me today. Everything that had the potential to cause me pain was in this house, so I'm pretty sure that I'd be just fine.

"Stop worrying," I shrugged.

We looked into the living room. The atmosphere was calmer now. Some of the guys were quietly whispering among themselves. Sam saw us standing at the entrance and waved us in. I flicked him off just to piss him off. He rolled his eyes at me.

"Ready?" Jacob whispered.

"Let's just get it over with," I said back quietly.

Seth was already standing next to Sam. I had never seen my little brother so upset. He looked like he was capable of ripping Sam's head off. Poor Seth. He'd really had a hell of a day. Maybe I should tease him and tell him he was getting his first gray hair.

Sam didn't waste any time as he jumped right in.

"I understand that this may be hard for some of you…"

"Not really. I don't care." I lied. It was very annoying that I cared enough to want to warn the vampires of Sam's stupid decision.

"I want you three to understand that I'm doing this for the safety of our families. We don't know what the child will be capable of…"

"Whatever, Sam. I already said I didn't care," I frowned.

"Of course you don't. You don't care about _anything_," Jacob scoffed. He and I shared a quick glance. I nodded at him to let him know that I understood that this was our little "act."

"Leech lover." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Not your best comeback, Leah. Go take some aspirin and then try again in thirty minutes."

I glanced at him. _What?_ That didn't make any sense.

"Aspirin?" Sam questioned. Jacob grinned quickly at me. I glared at him. The bastard was going to use my health as a way to distract Sam. Clever little shit.

"All of this screaming has apparently given her a headache," Jacob shrugged. He looked worried when he said that. I wanted to yell at him, _"Act better!"_

Maybe I should tell him that I really _did_ have a headache. I quickly decided against it. It would probably just freak him out.

"No. Looking at _you_ gave me the headache," I snapped back.

"Are you really feeling ill, Leah?" Sam questioned. He looked concerned, and that pissed me off. He didn't have any right to be concerned about me.

"Go to hell, Sam," I snarled.

"No. If you aren't feeling well, I need to know." Sam said more forcefully this time. Well, at least he was falling into the trap.

"Yeah, this is a stupid idea in the first place. We don't need to add to the lunacy," Jacob frowned. "If you aren't up to it, you should just go home. I don't want to have to keep saving you."

I gave him a quick glance, _Good one._

"You're a moron, Jacob!" I yelled.

"Stop being such a stubborn bitch!" he exclaimed back.

Oh, nice touch. I was impressed. Though, I could see him cringe at the word "bitch." Was he _really_ worried about hurting my feelings? Did he see me as some delicate little fairy? _Come on, is that all you've got? Bring it on._

"Jacob, there is no need for that," Sam snapped.

"Stop fighting my battles for me, Sam. You aren't my boyfriend anymore." I shoved him. It felt so good to push him. I think I'd actually had an adrenaline rush. The blood rushing to my head caused the room to start spinning.

"I don't like the color you're turning…" Sam frowned.

"I can turn whatever color I want, jackass." I tried not to move so I wouldn't fall over. It only took me a second to get my bearings back. I looked at Jacob. Hopefully he thought that little falter was part of my act. He didn't look any more concerned than he had a minute ago.

"Jacob might be right. Maybe you shouldn't go into battle just yet."

"I don't need this overprotective bullshit from you, too. I don't need to be coddled." I rolled my eyes.

"Just leave, Leah," Jacob said. "I mean, how am I supposed to concentrate while I've got this huge thing hanging over my head and annoying me?"

"I ask myself the same question every day." I glared at him. I frowned and then decided now was the time to make my dramatic exit. "You know what? Forget this. To hell with both of you." It was taking all of my self control not to smile. I stormed out of the room triumphantly.

As I burst out the front door, I couldn't help but let my smile overtake my face.

That was fun.

I laughed quietly to myself. "Now, _that_ was a performance." Rachel should have been here to take notes.

When I got far enough away from Sam's house, I tore my clothes off and phased. I couldn't believe I was going _back_ to the leeches land _again_ today. But at least it was to tell them to get out of town. That was a plus.

I just had to hope that Jacob could keep Sam occupied long enough, and pray that none of the boys in the pack spilled their guts.


	24. Waiting for the shit to hit the fan

**Chapter 24:**

**Waiting for the shit to hit the fan**

**Jacob's point of view:**

Watching Leah storm out, I couldn't help but feel proud. Sam sighed and shook his head. I grinned to myself. _That's my girl._ If Leah heard me calling her my girl, she'd have a freaking coronary.

I could hear her response in my head. _"Don't you dare call me that, unless you want "my girl" to torture "your boys."_ I would hate to see Leah coming at me swinging something at my testicles.

Note to self: don't be all cuddly and cute with Leah Clearwater.

I had to start being more aware of my actions and words around her…unless I wanted to get used to her chasing me around with a blowtorch.

"Jacob, may I have a word with you?" Sam questioned. He was probably going to ream me out, but I didn't really give a crap.

I laughed bitterly, "Sure, Sam. You can even have two." _I have two words for you. Eat. Me._

I followed Sam into the kitchen so we could have a moment alone. Emily and Kim had wandered back into the living room and were nervously cleaning up after the pack. I glanced at the disorganized house. Damn, we were messy. No wonder women always nagged us.

Sam placed his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose and let out a sigh. He looked irritated. It kinda made me want to laugh.

"I know you don't like this…" _Gee, what gave that away? _"But, I fully expect you to listen to what I say."

"Sir, yes sir." I saluted him with a smirk on my face.

"I mean it, Jacob. With Leah not in the picture, this battle is going to be tough."

_Don't laugh. For God's sake, don't laugh and give away the fact that Leah's on her way to the Cullen's right now._ I stifled my laughter. There wasn't going to _be_ a battle. I just needed to keep Sam from phasing for just a little bit longer so he wouldn't see what Leah, Seth, and I were up to.

I saw Sam's gaze drift outside to where Leah had gone. "Her temper is certainly still the same," Sam said softly.

I was certain that nothing would ever change Leah's temper. And I wouldn't want that to change about her. She didn't lie about what she was feeling. Although, if she was in pain or sad, she tried to mask it with anger. But if she was pissed, she was definitely going to let you know. I thought for a moment about our little _argument_. I hadn't really said anything to upset her, had I? I replayed the scene in my head, carefully picking through the words. She knew I was just acting, right?

I shook my head. _Snap out of it, you wuss._

"_Her_ temper shouldn't be your main concern." I turned to face Sam with a scowl on my face. I had to keep this act going, even with Leah off to warn the Cullens. I needed Sam to believe that I was still angry about attacking them. That shouldn't be hard to fake. I was still pissed, but I was a little more at ease knowing that Leah was on her way to let them know what was going on. "How could you make us do this you dick?"

"It wasn't just me. The Elders and I discussed it at length. The little liability needs to go."

_The little liability?_ Oh, that was so the perfect nickname for Nessie. Bella was going to beat the crap out of me when I called her kid that.

"Even your dad agrees that the child is a danger." Sam looked at me tentatively to see what my reaction would be. I wasn't surprised. The Elders would listen to anything Sam told them. He was the best fertilizer salesman in the world.

"Don't you bring my father into this," I snapped. "Ultimately, the decision is left up to _you_…even if you always do make the wrong one. I don't know why I'm so surprised. You don't have the best history when it comes to making decisions. Only you get away with it because you cry 'imprinting.'" One of the stupidest decisions that Sam had made in his life was letting his wolf hormones pull him away from Leah and push him into Emily's arms.

"Damn Jake, ow," he frowned.

I sighed. As angry as I was at Sam right now, I felt bad about that remark. I remember when I found out about imprinting. I had been running with Embry when I overheard Sam thinking about Emily.

_Dude, I still can't believe that you left Leah for her cousin. That's harsh._

_Easy, man. He's sensitive about the whole "imprinting" thing._ Embry warned me.

Sam then went into a full lecture about imprinting. He explained what it was, how it felt, and a bunch of other boring things I didn't really pay attention to.

_THAT'S why you left Leah?_ I couldn't believe that he was blaming some bullshit love at first sight on his failed relationship. It took Sam and Leah _years_ to build up their relationship. And he had destroyed it in a matter of seconds. No wonder Leah hated him so much.

_You'll understand when you imprint,_ Sam had grumbled at me.

_Yeah, no. I don't think so._ I shook my head. _I'd rather die than turn into a gibbering moron._

_Okay, I know you're still upset about this whole "wolf" thing, so I'm going to let that slide,_ Sam said calmly.

I thought about how bitter I'd been after I phased for the first time and found out what I was. My life had just started to pick up and then I lost it all because I was a stinking _dog._

"…Is that clear, Jacob?" Sam questioned.

Huh? Crap. What was he saying? I could venture a guess. It was probably something about my attitude. Or maybe it was about the "attack" tonight. Whatever it was, it sounded like he was chewing me out for something. But I hadn't heard a word of it. I glanced at Sam, who was clenching his jaw at me. I looked closely and saw that there was something brown in between his teeth. Had Emily even prepared anything that color? How long had that been there?

"Hey, you're miles away. Are you listening to me?" Sam asked.

"Maybe you should invest in some dental floss." I cocked my head. Sam had a confused look on his face.

"Were you even listening to a word I said?"

_Sure. "Work on your attitude, this is important, tribal nonsense…yada, yada, yada…"_ What the hell was that sitting in his teeth?!

Sam glared at me, "Answer me. Did you hear what I just said?"

"I dunno," I shrugged. "Something about pancakes?"

"Damn it, take this seriously! I don't need this kind of attitude from you. This is important! You have a responsibility to this pack…"

_You are so predictable, Sam._ I laughed in thought. I glanced outside. I wonder how far Leah had gotten. Knowing her, she was going to bitch the entire way there. And she would probably bitch at Edward, too. He deserved it. I still owed him an asskicking for not telling me that Leah was so down about everything.

"I know these past few days haven't been easy." Sam huffed out a heavy sigh. "We've all been through a lot." _You have no idea…_ I laughed cynically to myself. "But I don't understand why you're acting out so much lately. I've had about all I can stand of your aggression."

"Uh, well, let's see…we're both dominating, territorial alpha males that strongly dislike each other. It's a wonder we haven't ripped each others throats out yet."

"This is the _exact_ thing I'm talking about, Jacob. This attitude is almost painful for me to witness," Sam sighed.

_You might as well get used to it. You caused Leah a hell of a lot of pain. And it's payback time._ I bit through my tongue so I wouldn't accidentally let that slip. That wasn't the only reason I was angry at Sam right now, but that was the one standing out in my brain at the moment. _You don't "understand" my aggression? Well, I don't understand your braindead, dumbass ways…_

"Stop acting like a moron and I'll stop treating you like one." _Oh, yeah. That was a MUCH better response, Jacob._ I snapped sarcastically at myself. I saw Sam snort in anger. "I won't apologize for having valid concerns. Leah almost died, Sam. And now you want to kill the person who saved her life."

"I don't want to hurt Carlisle. I know he isn't a threat. We can spare him."

_Oh, you want to spare him? What a saint you are. There should be a book in the Bible named after you._ I paused to think about that. Damn it, there _was_ a book of Samuel. That smart ass comment wouldn't work…

Sam was staring at me like he'd just told me the best news of the evening. So he wanted to keep Carlisle alive? _What, do you want a biscuit for that or something?_ I begged my brain to hold back on the sarcasm for now. My brain never listened to me…

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. The rest of his family isn't going to stand by and watch as we kill Nessie. So, you want to make Carlisle suffer through watching the pack kill his family all because of some stupid fear you have?" _Man up. Face your fears with some pride. Go babysit the kid and see for yourself that she isn't a threat._ "He won't fight, Sam. He won't be able to stand to hurt anyone. This whole plan is ridiculous and you know it."

"I know you and Seth have formed a bond with the leeches…"

Bond? Hell, Bella was family as far as I was concerned. I had been through too much with her to let her get hurt now…even if she reeked of dead skunk.

"And I am grateful to Carlisle for what he did for Leah. That's why I spoke with the Elders about sparing his life."

So all the rest of the vampires had to do to get a "get out of jail free" card was to save Leah? If that's all it took, I'm sure we could work something out. There were plenty of life or death situations that a person could be saved from.

Maybe I could have Bella push Leah out of the way of a moving truck. Or I could get Emmett to save her from a grizzly bear attack. Then I could have Jasper save her from drowning. And Edward could save her from a burning building. My brain went on and on. Esme could save her from a venomous snake bite. And Rosalie could give her the Heimlich to keep her from choking to death. Though, something told me that Blondie might need a little enticing to save Leah's life. That just left Alice. Hmm, what would be a good way for Alice to save Leah's life? Keep her from suffocating in a top that was too tight? And what about Nessie? How the hell could she save a full grown werewolf? Well, there had to be something. And with as much as her parents had been bragging about her intelligence, I'm sure she could pass medical school in a matter of days. Maybe Carlisle wouldn't be the only vampire doctor out there forever. He could open a Grandfather/Granddaughter practice with his talented little grandkid.

I could see those two opening their own hospital. _"The Cullen Care Center: We keep your heart beating…because we've got nothing better to do with our time except eat deer…"_

I felt a growl building up in my chest when I thought of what Sam wanted to do to Carlisle. Letting him live was probably more selfish than killing him. Because losing your entire family had to be horribly painful. I couldn't imagine the anguish he would go through.

"After you kill his family, he won't _want_ to live," I frowned at Sam. "Come on, even Leah seems to be warming up to the vampires." That was a huge lie. She resented me more every time I took her out to the mansion. But I was willing to tell Sam anything to get him from going through with his idiotic plan.

"Really?" He didn't look like he believed me.

"Yeah. In fact, we were just there this morning so Carlisle could check her out."

His eyes tensed up and he gave me a serious look. The topic suddenly shifted.

"How has she been doing? No bullshit."

_Other than confusing as hell, she's back to normal._ I shrugged, "She's fine, I guess."

"She's completely healed?"

_Everything but her heart…thanks to you. But I'm working on that._ "Yep."

"I bet she's been giving you hell about you babysitting her."

What was with the interest in this all of a sudden?

"Not really." _We've actually gotten pretty damn close._ "Why are you asking me about this?" My curiosity got the better of me.

"Because I can't get her to talk to me about how she's doing. Seth and Sue are staying quiet as well. I just figured that since you've been hanging around her so much lately, you might know something."

"I am _not_ your spy," I snarled.

"Easy. No need to get defensive…" Sam paused. He had a perplexed look on his face. "Is there a reason that you don't want to talk about this?"

_Leah and I made out!_ I wanted to shove it in his face. And I wanted to beat him senseless and tell him how idiotic he was for leaving her. Imprinting just pissed me off in every way possible. On one hand, it was nice because he left Leah, so she was available for me to love. But on the other hand, he really hurt her and that made me angry.

"You look…nervous." Sam watched me carefully.

"No. I am just really pissed at you right now." I didn't know what else to say. I glanced around the kitchen. For a split second, I thought about hurling Emily's microwave at his head and bolting out the door. He frowned at me. Damn it, I was losing it. He was going to see right through me.

"I think it's more than that." Now he was analyzing me? That was aggravating. No wonder Leah hated it when we tried to get her to talk about her feelings.

"Well, you "think" wrong. In fact, everything you _do_ is wrong. It's wrong to go after the Cullens, it was wrong to lie to the pack about your whereabouts, and it was wrong of you to hurt Leah…" _Shit, shit, shit._ I hadn't meant to let that last part slip out.

"What are you talking about?" Sam questioned.

I rolled my eyes, "Nothing. Forget it." _Please forget it!_

"Jacob…" Sam looked at me suspiciously. "What aren't you telling me?"

_Well, I AM trying to refrain from calling you a douchenozzle right now…_ Great, now Leah had _me_ saying it. Before I could say anything else, I drifted away from Sam and back into the living room. Maybe I could get lost in the crowd of people shoved in here.

Sam followed me. He slipped in front of me and blocked my path.

"This isn't just about the Cullens, is it?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." _Get the fuck out of my face before I hit you. _The room around us grew silent. Great. We were the center of attention. I huffed angrily. "If I'm going to be the entertainment at this party, you all better be paying me."

"Don't change the subject, Jacob." Sam shook his head.

"Uh oh, here we go…" Paul muttered. "Twenty bucks says Sam kills him."

"I will bury you, asshole." I threatened him.

"You're worried about Leah…" Sam frowned.

"We all are."

"Not as much as you," Paul said quietly.

"Seriously fucknut, shut the hell up!" I snapped at Paul. I glanced at Sam. Was there any way I was going to bullshit my way out of this one? It was worth a try. "She's just been acting weird. I'm only concerned."

"It's more than concern," Sam said. "It's almost as if you…" He stopped and I saw the realization wash over his face. He gasped. I saw him close his eyes as his hands started to shake.

"Oh, shit. I think he knows," Quil warned me.

_Keen observation, Einstein._

Sam was trembling from head to toe. He was about to phase right here in his living room. I glanced around the room. Everyone was staring at him in shock. None of us had seen Sam this angry before. Well, none of us except…my eyes stopped on the one person who had once been too close to Sam's anger. Emily looked terrified. I saw Kim put her hand on Emily's arm to comfort her.

"Sam, maybe you should step outside." Jared broke the silence in the room.

Sam was able to growl out through his quivering, "Don't tell me what to do. If you _ever_…"

"Sam…" Emily begged quietly. I saw Sam stop shaking almost immediately. He gave her an apologetic look and then backed out of the room. And being the dumbass that I was, I followed him.

Sam had his back to me as we walked out of the house. I could hear him growling under his breath.

"Are you even going to give me a chance to explain, or are you just going to jump to conclusions like you always do?" _That's good, man. Act like an ass towards your already pissed off Alpha._ I really wasn't the smartest dog in the pack.

"Where is she, Jacob?" His voice was still trembling.

"I don't know. I pissed her off." _Lie your ass off!_ I had to buy Leah a little more time. She was fast, but there was no way she was already at the Cullen's place.

"Don't lie to me!" he yelled. Okay, I sucked at lying. That was good to know.

"Sam, you've got to calm down." It wasn't me who gave him this warning. I looked up on the porch and saw Jared standing behind us. "You're scaring the girls, man." Embry and Quil were with him.

"Tell them everything is okay," Sam assured them.

"Look who's lying now," I snapped sarcastically. _Are you brain damaged?_ I asked myself. "Look, Sam, I'm going to be honest with you…" I was? Really? "I care about Leah a lot…" Probably even more than he did. I had a feeling that he wasn't listening to me. His angered breathing was all that I could hear.

"You have no right…" Sam growled.

"I have _every_ right!" I yelled. He didn't _own_ Leah. He left her. He broke her. And I was doing everything I could to try and fix her.

Sam spun around and held his fists very close to his body. He hissed at me and I saw his anger consuming him. He leaped off of the porch and ran towards the woods.

"Whoa…" Embry was shocked at our Alpha's fury.

"He's going to phase." I realized as he disappeared. "Jesus, he's going to phase."

"No shit," Quil said.

"It's better for him to do it out there than in the house," Jared said.

I was frozen in place for a few minutes before I snapped out of my damn trance and realized what I needed to do.

"I gotta go after him."

Jared grabbed me before I could take off. "Maybe you should just give him some time…"

Yeah, time to do what? Rip into Leah for something that wasn't her idea in the first place? I sure as hell wasn't going to let that happen.

"Get off of me, Jared." I shoved him away.

"Come on, neither of you is thinking clearly right now," Jared said with a frown. "I understand that you…"

"No, you _don't_ understand," I snapped. He didn't know the whole story. As soon as Sam realized what Leah was doing, he was going to go ape-shit. I ignored Jared and raced through Sam's backyard.

"What are you doing, Jake?" Embry questioned.

"He'll see it all. If you think he's pissed now, just wait until he sees it all…"

"But everyone's here. No one's running. I mean, the only person missing…" Jared realized what I was worried about before he finished his sentence. "Oh…Leah's running?"

"Yeah, she's doing a hell of a lot more than that." I ripped my pants off.

"Nice ass, dude." Quil barked a laugh. Well, at least he had his sense of humor back. I guess he'd forgotten about Sam's stupid plan already. It didn't surprise me. He had the attention span of a gnat.

"Jared, get Seth. Tell him what's going on."

"But I don't _know_ what's going on," Jared admitted.

"Just do it!" I spun around and yelled at him.

"Jacob, what are you talking about?" Jared exclaimed.

"Look, have Seth fill you in and then come join us. We might need some help." I wasn't really sure how Sam was going to react to how close Leah and I had gotten, but I was more concerned about him finding out about our plan to warn the Cullens. Sam wasn't in control of his anger at the moment. And that really scared me. Sam didn't lose control of himself very often. But when he did it was hard to bring him back from it.

I rolled my pants up against my ankle and then broke into a jog. It hadn't taken me long to get out of my bottoms. It was record time. I needed to remind myself to use that same move one night if Leah and I were in the mood. As I ran through the woods I let my brown fur explode from my body.

* * *

**Leah's point of view:**

I kept telling myself that I was only going to the Cullen's place because I owed Carlisle for saving my life. And because I didn't agree with Sam's knee-jerk plan to kill a baby. I didn't like Nessie, but I didn't think she needed to die either. Being a woman could be confusing at times. I should hate the kid for existing, yet all I could see was a tiny, little, brainless thing incapable of defending herself in a battle. Though she could probably whip the entire pack's ass. It's always the little ones you had to worry about. _Small people and their fiery tempers._ I laughed.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with a rage that I'd never felt before. Okay, what was pissing me off now? Being angry was hard work. It didn't take me very long to realize that I wasn't alone anymore. Sam's emotions only made me run faster.

_Are you insane?_ Sam snapped.

_I dated you, didn't I?_ I quipped back.

_What the hell are you thinking, Leah?_

_Hello to you, too,_ I grumbled.

_Jacob Black? JACOB BLACK?_ Oh, _that's_ what he was pissed about? How in the hell had he found out? Which moron opened his mouth? I quickly saw in his thoughts the conversation that he'd just had with Jacob. Actually, there wasn't a lot of talking involved. It was mostly Sam overreacting. Was there anyone in my life that _didn't_ overreact?

_I really don't see how that's any of your business,_ I snapped at Sam. _You don't get to act like we're still together. Why does it matter what I do in my spare time?_

_It matters because you are both a part of my pack!_ Sam yelled.

_So? You and Jared smooch on each other all of the time._ It never ceased to amaze me how close Sam and Jared were. They were worse than Seth and Jacob. Jared was constantly kissing Sam's ass.

_Knock it off, Leah,_ he growled.

_Lick my furry gray ass,_ I grumbled back.

_You can't do this. What about imprinting? I won't let you get hurt like that again._

_If this is some sorry-ass attempt to make up for breaking my heart, you're only making it worse,_ I snarled.

_This is unacceptable._

_Yeah, keep talking. You'll just push me further into Jacob's arms._ Damn it. I was doing my best to control my urges. My best really sucked. Of course, I would say anything to piss Sam off at the moment. I'd almost said "Jake's Big Dog could kick your Little Otter's ass any day."

Sam sighed and softened his tone, _Leah, he's a wolf. He won't be able to control himself if he imprints._

_Butt out, Sam,_ I grumbled. _You don't get to tell me who I can and can not date!_ I was infuriated that he still thought he had some kind of say in my life.

_You're confused, alone, and scared…_

_Because of you!_ I spit at him. _You expected me to be miserable and alone for the rest of my life?_ I questioned. _God, you're a bigger asshole than I ever realized._

_Of course I don't want you to be unhappy…_

_That's a laugh,_ I snorted out. _The guy who broke my heart doesn't want me to be unhappy. Do you even listen to yourself when you talk?_

_I just don't want to see him repeat my mistakes and do what I did to you._ I could feel his regret, but that didn't calm my anger any.

_It's my life, Sam,_ I grumbled. And if I wanted to spend it smooching Jacob Black, falling off of cliffs, and saving bloodsuckers I wasn't going to let anyone stop me. I could feel Sam's confusion as he read my mixed thoughts. Crap. I had just given away the plan about me going to the Cullen's. Me and my big ass thoughts…

I felt Jacob phase. His panic ran through my head like a crazy drunk streaker at some sports event.

_What the hell are you doing? _Sam snarled at Jacob.

_Leah, just keep going. I'll handle Sam._ Jacob ignored Sam and advised me to continue with our plan.

Sam inhaled a sharp angry gasp when he picked up on the fact that I was running towards the Cullen's place right now.

_You're betraying me?_ Sam questioned.

_How's it feel you pubic bonehead?_ I snapped out a laugh.

I felt something surge through my body that nearly knocked me off of my feet. Apparently, I had pushed Sam a little too far. His command washed over me and I stopped running and cowered down. I tried to fight back, but there wasn't any use. I could feel Sam's anger pulsating through me as he increased his speed. Even though Jacob was right behind him, I knew Sam was going to reach me first.


	25. The Alpha has gone crazy

**Chapter 25:**

**The Alpha has gone crazy**

The rest of the pack didn't take very long to join us. Their thoughts were strangely quiet. Seth had let them in on our plan. None of them were surprised. In fact, some of them had placed bets on what Jacob was going to do once he found out his best friends--the bloodsuckers--were in danger. What they _were_ surprised about was the way that Sam was reacting. It's as if our Alpha had been taken over by Mike Tyson. I'm sure he was going to do more than bite our ears off at this point.

Sam was ranting at Jacob.

_You knew how I felt about the thing…_

_"The thing?" _Jacob snickered,_ Really, Sam? You mean __"the thing"__ that blows bubbles out of her nose and knaws on the edge of the coffee table?_ He snorted out a few sarcastic barks.

_She is NOT just a baby, Jacob!_ he yelled. _I looked into some myths and legends about creatures like her. They are just as much of a threat as vampires. Sometimes even more-so because they LOOK more human. They are able to blend better than the vampires. That makes them very dangerous._

_What about nature versus nurture?_ Seth spoke up. _Look at the family she has. You can't honestly tell me that you think the Cullens will raise her as anything other than good?_

_There is still too much that we don't know._

_She's half human, Sam. It's murder,_ Jacob growled. Technically, it was _half_-murder. I kept my mouth shut. Neither one of them was in any mood to hear my smart mouth.

_Humans don't drink blood,_ Sam argued.

_Weird ones do,_ I smirked. So much for keeping my mouth shut.

_She eats human food, too._ Jacob was desperate to win his argument.

_And then she hurls it up all over everyone._ I had to wonder if Nessie had ever actually eaten baby food and _not_ vomited.

I saw Sam enter through the trees with an angry glare. He shook his head at me, disappointed.

_Yeah, whatever. Glare at me all you want. Can I please get off the ground now?_ I grumbled.

He ignored me and sniffed the air. I felt queasy when I saw the plan in his head. He'd somehow found out that Nessie was going to be on an outing with some of her family members today. He was going to try and lure them across the border so the pack could make their move.

_Have you lost your ever flipping mind?_ I snapped. Words couldn't describe how wrong I felt that this was. He pushed me down to the ground harder. _Oh yeah, make me bow to you, you jerk._ I rolled my eyes.

_Come on, man, let her up. Don't be an ass._ Jacob was actually further behind Sam than I'd realized. Sam was pushing him to walk when Jacob really wanted to run. I could tell that Jacob wanted to reach my side, but that pissed Sam off, so he was being childish about it and was making him go at a snail's pace.

_Collin, Paul. Set the trap. Collin, run the perimeter parallel to the border. When they cross, Renesmee is the first to go._

I could feel Collin's unwillingness to do it, but he didn't have a choice.

_Jared, I need you with me. We're going to take care of Edward._ Sam continued doling out the orders. We were doing this _now_? Damn, this sucked.

_Got it._ Jared sounded depressed about the orders.

_Sam, stop!_ I exclaimed. _Come on, call Collin off of the kid! You're going to get him killed!_

Sam wasn't listening to a word that I said. So I called him a panty-wearing hooker and then told him he that had a toothpick for a dick. He continued to ignore me.

_Embry, you and Quil will deal with Emmett. And once he's out of the way, I want you to move on to Jasper._

_If you keep ignoring me, I'm going to have to hit you._ I glanced at Sam.

_Jacob, I know how hard this is going to be for you, so I'm putting you in charge of Rosalie. You seem to have the least attachment to her._

_This is insanity,_ Jacob argued.

_We just need them to step one foot over our bounds…_ I was surprised at Sam's callousness. _Leah…_ He looked at me. _I want you to focus on Alice and Esme._

He wanted to send me after the Rachel Ray homemaker leech and the midget? Well, that was just a waste of my fighting skills. I shook my head and fought back the urge to scream at myself. I needed to _focus_.

_ Brady and Seth can help you. _Sam ordered my brother and Brady to help me kill the most defenseless vampires in the family.

_I don't NEED any help. Because I'm not going to do it._ I refused.

_Yes, you will._ It was an order this time, and I couldn't disobey. He let me off of the ground and my feet started carrying me to somewhere that I didn't want to go.

_Jared, once you and I have finished with the mindreader, we'll move on to…_ He didn't say her name, but the picture appeared in his mind. I felt Jacob's pain and anger, and I couldn't help but echo it with my own. He loved Bella. And as much as I hated her, I couldn't ignore _his_ love for her. I felt bad for Jake. Sam was being a crazy person, and he was going to suffer because of it.

I perked my head up. If I listened closely, I could hear voices on the other side of the border. I couldn't hear who it was, but I could _hope_ that one of them could _hear_ me.

_Edward!_ I exclaimed. I bet calling him by his real name would get his attention. Usually, I was vulgar and made up goofy things to call him. But I needed him to hear this. _Nessie is in danger. Get her out of here. NOW!_ God, I really hoped it was him out there. I shuddered thinking about how much I was hoping that a vampire could hear my warning. That was just incredibly wrong.

_Leah!_ Sam snarled at me. He wasn't very far from where I was running. _You will NOT endanger this mission._

_This is a suicide mission anyway._ Jacob was grateful for my outburst. We still didn't know if it was Edward, or even if he could hear us if it was, but Jacob started shouting too. _Whatever happens, don't cross the border! Stay on your side, mindreader!_

_Run! Get out of here!_ Seth joined us in our warnings.

_God damn it,_ Sam growled. _Everyone fall back._ I could feel the pack slowing down. And though none of them said anything, I could feel a wave of relief surging through them.

Seth was next to me a few minutes later and Jacob was on his way. If we were human, I'm sure we would be high fiving the crap out of each other.

Sam walked up behind us. _What in the hell is wrong with you guys?_

_What's wrong with US__?_ Jacob questioned. _What's wrong with YOU__? How could you lead such an unprovoked attack?_

Sam was fuming. _Have you forgotten why we exist?_

Great. A history lesson. I couldn't help but be a smartass.

_For parents to scare little children at bedtime_? I could only image the stories that existed about werewolves that today's generation believed.

_Quiet, Leah!_ Sam snapped. What an asshole. I was getting really sick of him using his command on me. He sighed, _I guess we have no choice now but to let the vampires leave with the monster._

_She's NOT a monster,_ Seth whimpered. The kid had a soft spot for demon children.

_I'm not going to let you chase them off, Sam,_ Jacob disagreed. I felt the pack cower when they felt his sadness from this morning when he thought that he was going to lose Bella. He let the entire day replay in his head. Our make-out sessions included. Fantastic. I couldn't wait for this day to be over. Sam was pissed. What a surprise.

_What do you think you're doing, Jacob? What's gotten into you? First you keep the vampires from leaving, keeping us from having a normal life. And then you make a move on Leah!?_ Sam's anger from earlier returned.

_She's fair game. You left her, remember?_ Jacob snarled.

_That doesn't mean that it's okay for you to stick your tongue down her throat!_ Sam growled. How had we gone from killing Nessie to talking about me again? Boys were fucking crazy.

_Hello? Sitting right here!_ I snapped at Sam. He snapped back at me to shut me up. I snarled a growl at him.

_Come on, cut it out before you kill each other._ Seth tried to intervene.

_Stay out of it, Seth._ Sam warned him.

_He has every right to vocalize his opinions…especially since yours are the WRONG ones, oh, mighty Alpha._ I rolled my eyes.

_Leah, I can't take this crap from you too._ Sam let out an exhausted sigh.

_Oh, but it's okay for YOU to treat HER like crap?_ Jacob questioned. I had a feeling that once he got here, we were going to be in for one hell of a fight.

_Like she made it easy for me to be nice to her?_ Sam scowled at me.

That pissed Seth off. _She had every right to be angry with you!_ he exclaimed.

_I guess no one is going to let me speak for myself anymore,_ I said sarcastically.

_Back off, Seth._ Sam growled at him, but it wasn't a command.

_No! I'm sick of everyone treating my sister like shit!_ He crouched towards Sam. He sat down in front of him and showed him his teeth.

_Damn kiddo, I didn't know you cared so much._ I laughed. Of course, I knew that a lot of it was probably pent up aggression from what he had witnessed today.

_And I'm sick of your orders. In fact, I'm sick of your crap altogether. If I want to hang out with vampires, I'm not going to let you stop me. They're my friends,_ he admitted. He stuck his tongue out at Sam in what I was taking to be what a five-year-old might to do if someone pissed them off. And then he took off in a jog.

Sam followed him. _Get back here._ I curiously followed them. I could tell how irritated Sam was at Seth. He caught up to him quickly. _Seth, I mean it!_ But it still wasn't a command. When Seth didn't listen, Sam leaped forward and grabbed his hind leg. Seth let out a shocked cry.

_Get your teeth off of my brother._ I lunged at Sam. I headbutted him and forced him to release his hold on Seth. My hit knocked Sam down a hill, and I went tumbling with him. When we reached the bottom, he turned his jaw around and snapped at me.

_You gonna maim my face too, Sam? Is that how you like your women? Peppy and disfigured?_ It was a hell of shot, and I did feel a small amount of remorse. Then I saw Sam's big eyes staring at me, and all of that washed away.

_What did you say?_ he snarled.

_You heard me._ I wasn't going to take it back. _I know you only love my cousin because of what you did to her._ Why did I have such a big mouth? None of that was true. I knew how wrong it was for me to shove Emily's accident in Sam's face. He felt guilty enough as it is, but I couldn't stop my stupid jaw from flapping. I couldn't control myself.

Apparently, neither could Sam. He lunged forward in anger. I felt his teeth cut into my leg. I kicked back with my other leg and caught him in the eye with one of my nails. He shook his head furiously and came after me again. As I fought with him, I could feel that Sam was gone. Right now, all that was left of him was a giant wolf filled with rage and fury.

The pack could see what was going on, but none of them were close enough to pry us apart. Jacob and Jared were fairly close, and Seth was at the top of the hill freaking out.

_Hurt her and I will rip your head off._ Jacob threatened him.

_Sam, what the hell? Get a hold of yourself!_ Jared yelled.

_Holy shit. He's going to kill her,_ Paul gasped. _Leah, get the hell out of there._

Like I was going to listen to Paul? Besides, I never ran from a fight.

_Sam, relax man. You've got to get control of your anger,_ Embry pleaded.

Sam ignored them and lunged for me again. I sidestepped his attack and sunk my teeth into his flank. He bucked and threw his large feet into me. It knocked me into a tree and I let out a loud snarl. I knew this fight was inevitable. And truth be told, I always pictured myself fighting with Sam to get out my aggression. But I never dreamed that he would _actually_ fight back.

I snarled, _It is so on, you fuckhole._ I jumped forward. I knew that it was probably a mistake, but I couldn't see past my rage. I heard Seth scrambling from the top of the hill to try and reach us.

_Sam!_ he yelled. _She just healed from the last attack! Leave her alone!_

But I knew Sam was gone. When we were dating, he always had a tendency to withdraw when we were fighting. I could see the fire inside engulf him. He became a completely different person. I could see that look today. And I could feel his dark ire glaring back at me. There was nothing behind his eyes but anger.

When he lunged for me, I snapped my jaw over his muzzle and locked down. Sam pulled back and reared up angrily. I did the same and then I crouched into a spring, ready to pounce and bite the crap out of him again.

_Stop_! He growled as he leaped for me. The asshole had used the alpha command to render me completely helpless. I was frozen in place as he let his anger completely consume him.

_Sam!_ Jacob yelled. He was getting closer. I could feel his footfalls vibrating the ground.

_That was a bitch move, Sam._ I had no choice but to whimper at the dickhole and fall to the ground belly up.

Sam didn't respond to me. I was guessing that I'd gone a little too far with the whole "Emily" thing. I guess he felt like he was teaching me a lesson. His preachy, punishment attitude really pissed me off sometimes.

I felt his claw swipe my stomach. I let out a yelp. It hurt more than I was willing to admit. Through the pain, I could feel the entire pack's shock at what Sam had just done. No one would have expected him to do this, not even me.

_Dude!_ Embry yelled, trying to talk Sam out of his rage. _Stop it!_

_Jesus Christ, man. Snap out of it,_ Paul interjected.

_You're hurting her!_ Seth cried.

I tensed my entire body, waiting for his next hit. He reared back again, snarling furiously and delivered a blow stronger than the last one. This time, I couldn't control my pain. I groaned out an anguished breath. But even with me lying on the ground, cringing in pain, Sam was still in his "must kill" trance. This must be what the vampire who'd attacked me on the cliff that day saw right before Sam had bitten his dick off.

As much as I wanted to fight back, Sam still hadn't released me from his hold. I knew that he wasn't in his right state of mind right now. I was screwed. Two more swipes and Sam would have me cut in half. I could feel the pack's panic. If I doubted that they cared about me before, all of that was gone now. They were stunned at Sam's attack. Hell, I was too.

_I always knew you were an asshole._ I winced out through the pain. Even when I was on the ground bleeding, I still had the world's biggest god damn mouth.

Sam growled again and reared back. This would be it for me…barring some kind of miracle. I'm not sure that even _I_ could survive a werewolf who'd lost his mind. Amidst the panic in the pack, Seth and Jacob were the two I felt the strongest pain from. Seth's fear was indescribable. Jacob was running faster than he ever had. His thoughts were intense. I felt a break in the atmosphere and realized that something had just changed. But I couldn't tell what it was.

_Enough, Sam!_ Jacob growled. There was more to Jacob's voice than just anger. I felt Sam cower at Jacob's snarls. Had he just _commanded_ Sam to do something? Or was I just delirious from losing a bunch of blood?

_Holy crap. What the hell?_ Quil also noticed the shift in the pack.

Sam shook his head and looked down at me with a confused look on his face. I felt his command over me drop completely. I pushed myself to stand up and stumbled back a few feet.

Jacob flew through the trees and plowed into Sam. _You are going to stay the hell away from her!_ He pinned Sam to the ground. Sam rolled out from under him and let out a commanding snarl. Jacob ignored it and Sam gasped in shock.

_Jacob, what are you doing?_ Sam asked.

_Have you forgotten who our ancestors were?_ Jacob questioned. _I'm the rightful Alpha to this pack. And I am ordering you to back the fuck off!_

_You gonna attack me too, Jake?_ he questioned.

_You're out of control, jackass!_ Jacob exclaimed. Seth was next to me now. Jacob and Sam circled each other.

I collapsed on to the ground and let out a whimper. For the first time since our fight had broken out, Sam looked over at me. I felt his immediate remorse.

_What the hell is the matter with you?_ Jacob growled at him. _You fucking gutted her!_

_How bad is it?_ Seth questioned.

I pushed myself to stand up again. I had just gotten him and Jacob off of my case. I didn't need to play "Patient X" again.

_You have gone mental, Sam._ Jacob's hackles stood up. He snarled angrily at Sam. I could feel his anger heating up his body. He clawed at the ground and snorted at Sam. His growls echoed throughout the forest. He wanted to kill Sam.

_Don't kill him, Jacob. I'm the one who provoked it._ I couldn't believe that I'd just said that. But, I knew I needed to stop Jacob from doing something that he might regret...even if Sam _did_ deserve to have him tear into his hide.

_That doesn't give him the right to maim you!_ Jacob let out a vicious snarl at Sam. _What the hell is your issue, man?_

I felt Sam's regret. He'd let his anger get the better of him. He let out an apologetic cry.

_Jesus. Leah, I'm so sorry._

_Yeah, it's not like I've heard those words a thousand times before._ I rolled my eyes and then winced in pain. The pack could feel the dull ache. As soon as I could, I was going to phase back so they wouldn't have to be subjected my agony. I had gotten really good at controlling my thoughts around them. It drove them nuts when I put my brain on "shuffle" and just thought of things that didn't make any sense. It was time to drive them crazy with my randomness.

_A guy in a dolphin suit on a rollercoaster?_ Paul couldn't help but snicker.

Sam felt me twinge in pain. He gasped, _God, what have I done?_ He took a step towards me to see if I was okay. Seth and Jacob both leaped in his path. I rolled my eyes at their protection.

_You will STAY on the ground!_ Jacob snarled at Sam.

_I just need to see that she's okay…_ Sam whimpered as he cowered at Jacob's command. Seeing him bowing to Jacob made me laugh.

_I'm fine you boner-biting asshat,_ I snapped.

Jacob was trembling in anger as he towered over Sam. I'd had enough of all of this testosterone driven fighting. I saw Jacob show his teeth to Sam. Sam snarled back, but couldn't move because Jacob had him pinned with his command.

_Damn dude, I didn't know you had it in you._ Quil was surprised that Jacob had finally stepped up to claim his place as Alpha.

_I don't want this responsibility. But someone like you shouldn't have it,_ Jacob snapped at Sam. He reared back to attack. Something inside of me begged for me to stop him.

_Jacob, don't. If you do, then you're no better than him._ Holding Sam down while he pummeled him wasn't any better than Sam commanding me to sit still while he cut open my stomach.

Jacob stopped and looked back at me. He sighed, _After everything he's put you through, you don't think he deserves it?_

_Would you have someone do the same to Bella?_ I couldn't tell if the pain I had when I said that was emotional, or whether it was my throbbing gut. _Jake, he's my cousin's fiancé._ As much as I wanted Jacob to make Sam suffer, all I could see in my head right now was Emily. I grunted. Why the hell did I have to give a crap?

_I'm not going to kill him. I'm only going to make him bleed a little…_ Jacob shrugged.

Sam pushed back at Jacob's command. He stood face to face with Jacob.

_Admittedly, I lost control,_ he nodded.

_No fucking duh,_ Jacob chuckled coolly.

_We can talk about this…_

_NOW you want to talk?_ Jacob grumbled. I listened as the two of them argued about the Alpha position. Jacob didn't want it, but he didn't want Sam to have it either. Sam took it personally. He muttered something about them fighting for it, but Jacob declined, citing that he'd end up killing Sam. That pissed Sam off more. But Jacob didn't care.

I shifted one of my feet out from under me and I felt one of the gashes tugging on my skin uncomfortably. _Ow._ I watched as the guys fought. I started to drift away from them. I just wanted to go home now. My stomach was killing me.

As Sam and Jacob snarled at each other, I pushed myself to get away from the dust that was flying. My wounds hurt like hell. I sluggishly made my way through the forest. I could hear Seth behind me.

_Leah? Are you okay?_

No, little brother. My intestines are hanging out of my body right now.

_Just a little sore,_ I sighed.

_Let me see,_ Seth pleaded.

_It'll just freak you out, you wuss._ Ever since we were little, Seth had never been able to stand the sight of blood. He hated it. Since we'd become wolves, he'd gotten a lot less squeamish, but he still had a weak stomach when it came to mortal wounds.

_I will go get Carlisle right now…_ He threatened me.

_Fine._ I rolled over to let Seth observe the damage that Sam had done. Thankfully, most of my hair around the wounds was matted and bloody. Seth couldn't see how bad it really was. And I was doing my best to not _think_ about how bad it was. _It's just a scratch._ I assured him.

_I can't see anything. Maybe you should phase back,_ Seth suggested.

_In the middle of the woods? No. I don't think so._ I shook my head.

He whined, _That's a lot of blood_.

_This is nothing. You should see the other guy._ I joked. I had gotten in a few good swipes at Sam. _How's your leg?_

_Eh, he barely touched me._ Seth played the tough guy. _Thanks for having my back._

_You always seem to have mine. Figured I would repay the favor._ I stood up. _Just try to keep a lid on your anger and use your brain a little more._ I found it ironic that I was the one giving my brother advice on controlling his temper.

I started to walk away from Seth.

_Where are you going? You're hurt._ Seth walked after me.

_It's no worse than anything else that's ever happened to me._ I pushed myself to a trot. I could feel the gashes on my stomach pounding in pain. I gritted my teeth and continued anyway.

_Leah, take it easy._ Jacob broke away from his argument with Sam. God, he always knew when I was pushing myself too hard. And he wasn't afraid to call me on it. That was going to get old.

_Jacob, where are you going? We're not finished talking about this._

_Screw you, Uley,_ Jacob snapped.

I paused in my stride when I heard voices over the border. I guess when we were yelling our warnings earlier, the mindreader wasn't around. Great. All of this crap for nothing. I tried to ignore the searing pain in my gut.

"Leah's hurt again." I think I picked up on Jasper's voice.

"How can you tell it's her? I don't hear any foul language." The little shopaholic was with her other half, of course.

"The pain is pretty intense. But so is the anger. It's definitely her."

"_Again_?" Emmett was also with them. "Damn, who'd she piss off this time?"

"We should get Renesmee home." Another voice. It sounded like Rosalie.

Crap. The kid _was_ out here.

"How badly is she hurt, Jasper?" Alice questioned.

"It's hard to tell. She's really angry, too."

He had that right.

"Where is she?" Alice asked.

"Just over the border."

"We can't help her then." Rosalie probably didn't really care.

"The entire pack is a mess. There's a lot of tension and anxiety," Jasper sounded exasperated. "Something odd is going on."

"Should we break the treaty to help?" Alice asked.

_God, no!_ I yelled. That's exactly what Sam wanted. Even though I knew that Jacob wouldn't let anything happen to the Cullens now that he was challenging Sam for the top spot, there still wasn't any guarantee that Sam wouldn't do something _else_ really stupid.

"Let's just get the baby home and then we can ask Carlisle what he thinks we should do," Rosalie said. "We told Edward and Bella that we wouldn't have her out long."

"Oh, please," Emmett laughed. "Those two are probably too busy breaking walls in their new house to even notice their daughter's absence."

"Emmett, watch what you say!" Rosalie hissed. I could just see the blonde trying to shelter the genius baby's ears.

I would kill to hear what was going on in Nessie's little baby brain right now...

_"Oh, are mommy and daddy having sex again? I thought that they only did that when they thought I was asleep…"_ Yeah, _that_ wouldn't scar the kid for life.

"We'll talk to Carlisle first," Jasper said surely.

_Yes, please…STAY ON YOUR SIDE!_ I begged. Having them cross our border is just the thing that would give Sam a reason to attack. And I really wasn't feeling up to saving the vampires' asses right now.

I heard them disappear. I assume they had been out here hunting and heard the commotion. They must be heading home. That's exactly what I was going to do.


	26. Ow

**Chapter 26:**

**Ow  
**

I honestly don't know how I managed to push through the pain and make it home. And I also managed to beat Jacob there. Seth followed me in the house. I snapped at him to leave me alone. I quickly locked myself in the bathroom to see how bad my injuries really were. The blood had already soaked through the shirt that I had thrown on, but I kept pressure on my wounds with my hands so Seth wouldn't pass out when he saw the blood. I could just see Seth begging to take a look.

_"Leah, let me see. Oh, God, is that blood? Ugh…"_ He'd probably pass out and whack his head against the table, leaving me to take care of the gash in his head while I tried to keep my stomach from falling out.

"Come on, Lee..." Seth begged me to let him in.

"No. Forget it. You'll just faint."

"I'm not going to pass out!" Seth exclaimed through the door. "I didn't pass out last time you were hurt." He reminded me.

_There probably wasn't this much blood last time._ I shook my head. "Good for you. Now just give me a few minutes. I'll be fine."

Even though Seth and I were wolves and rarely needed first aid, mom still had a fully-stocked first aid kit. Thank God. If I had to go back to the vampire's house again and let Dr. Icicles touch me, I was going to throw a fit. I would rather doctor myself. I paused to think for a minute. _Doctor myself?_ That just sounded really dirty. It was good to know that my brain could still find crude humor while I was effing bleeding out here in my bathroom.

Seth knocked lightly on the door. "Leah, you aren't dying in there, are you?"

"Nope. I'm just having a conversation with dad, Elvis, and Marlon Brando." I laughed. I winced as my stomach bounced and let out a sigh. "I'll be out in a second, Seth." I assured him. I sat down on the edge of the tub and looked at the blood covering my hands. Fucking Sam Uley. I should have let Jacob kill him. I was really sick of being hurt.

I leaned back, a little dazed from the day's events…and the four gallons of blood I'd lost. I closed my eyes when an odd sensation came over my body. For a moment, my face felt cool. Drained. But my skin still felt warm. _Ugh, being hurt suuuucks!_ I could feel the warm blood oozing out of my stomach. I felt it trickling down my bellybutton. I didn't realize how hot my blood really was. It freaking _scalded._

I grabbed a towel and put pressure on my stomach, trying to stop the bleeding so my body could just start to heal already. I wasn't really sure how the werewolf healing thing worked with me. Up until the last couple of days, I'd never been _severely_ injured. Obviously, I healed. The proof of that was from my last attack. But I didn't heal as quickly as the boys.

Since I couldn't get the bleeding stopped, I quickly cleaned and wrapped the gashes on my stomach. Wrapping my stomach wasn't exactly easy. I got so tangled up in the gauze that it looked like a mummy had exploded on me. Not to mention the fact that the twisting and turning I was doing with my arms didn't help as I pulled on my abdominal muscles. By the time I was done in here, it was going to look like a murder scene.

"How are you doing in there?" Seth was still outside the door.

"Wonderful. I'm doing sit ups as we speak," I said jokingly.

I heard him nervously pace down the hallway. When I was sure he wasn't within earshot anymore, I let out a groan.

"Ow..." _God damn it, Sam._ This was all his fucking fault. I thought he was _done_ hurting me. Guess I was wrong.

I pressed my hand on to my stomach to try and push back the pain. The bandage seemed to be helping. The wounds themselves were pretty deep, but I was hoping that with the pressure that my crappy bandaging was holding, and my accelerated healing, I wouldn't have to go back to Carlisle. I didn't want to go back to everyone doting over me. I had _just_ gotten them off of my ass.

I slipped on the clean shirt that I'd grabbed from the laundry room to cover the bandages and then quickly cleaned up my mess so my mother wouldn't walk into the bathroom and scream.

_"Oh my God. Leah, are you on your period again!?"_

Seth would die. Girl things freaked him out. Sometimes just to see him squirm, I would walk up to him and whisper the word "tampon" in his ear.

I took my bloody shirt and bunched it up with the towel I'd used to try and stop the bleeding. Looks like I would be doing my own laundry this week. I made my way to the laundry room and threw some clothes in the washer. When I walked into the kitchen, Seth immediately bombarded me.

"Is it bad? Do we need to call Carlisle?"

"I'm conscious, aren't I?" I asked.

"What does that have to do anything?"

"You really think I'm going to let you call the vampire while I'm conscious?" I questioned.

I heard the front door slam.

"God, I hope that's Jacob and not mom," I frowned. "I don't need to freak her out again so soon."

"Leah? Seth?" Jacob called us. I followed Seth into the living room. Jacob looked at me with a mixture of irritation and concern. "I told you to wait on me," he frowned.

"And I didn't." I walked over to the couch and sat down. I tried not to let Seth and Jacob see me cringe. "Because I knew you'd force me to go to The Haunted Mansion."

"You're damn right I would!" Jacob exclaimed.

"Well, it's not like they'll even be there. We need to call them and tell them Sam's stupid plan." _So they can leave and never come back._

"The pack isn't doing anything. Sam called it off for now. He's pretty upset about losing his temper."

"Boo hoo." I rolled my eyes. I really didn't give a shit what Sam was feeling. I hoped his ass was throbbing where I'd bitten him.

"The Cullens still need to know everything. About Sam. For Nessie." Seth looked at Jacob. Jacob nodded silently at Seth. "I'll call them."

"Tell them not to do anything yet," Jacob said. There were several reasons that Jacob wanted the Cullens to stay. His best friend being one of them. But when I saw him looking at me, I could see the real reason that he wanted them to stay. For me. He knew that if anything happened to me, my best chance of survival would be Carlisle…since he was the only one with any knowledge on how to treat werewolves. Jacob cared what happened to me. That was annoyingly nice of him. And...how in the hell had I concluded all of that from a look on his face?

"Okay." Seth nodded as he disappeared into the kitchen to make the phone call.

Jacob sat down next to me. When his weight shifted the couch, I had to lock my jaw so I wouldn't scream out in pain. _Shit. It will pass, Leah. It will pass._ I told myself. And maybe I could just ask someone to knock me unconscious until it did pass. I grumbled silently. _Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts. Sam getting castrated, alcohol, Sam on fire, getting the hell out of town, Sam tripping down a flight of stairs, really trashy Hollywood magazines, not being in high school anymore, indoor plumbing, food, Jacob._ Wait, Jacob? I shook my head. Maybe I was delirious.

"How bad are you hurt?" Jacob asked. "And don't lie to me, Leah." He put his palm against my face. Unlike the last time he'd brushed his fingers against my cheek, I could tell that he was checking my temperature this time.

I shoved his hand away.

"I'm fine."

I was honestly surprised at how easy it was for me to lie to him. Perhaps it was just because I knew that if I told him what I really felt at the moment, he'd hogtie me and drag me to the Cullen's land. I wiped a little bit of sweat from my forehead, hoping that maybe he hadn't seen it. He had. Of course he had.

"You're hot."

"Thanks, Jacob." I glanced at him with a smile on my face. "You aren't so bad yourself."

He shook his head seriously. "Temperature wise. You're sweating again."

"It's just the way my body heals itself." I gasped with a laugh. "I have miracle sweat! Maybe we should bottle it and go on the road and sell it."

_"The only thing it doesn't cure is a broken heart."_ I'm sure _that_ would sell.

I saw him concentrating on something. It was so funny to me that such a bonehead with nothing in his brain could look so intensely in thought.

"I don't like what your heart is doing."

"Beating?" I asked sarcastically. I let out a tired sigh. All of this humor was taking a lot out of me. I closed my eyes for a second and held my breath. When I let it out, I kept my eyes closed.

"Look at me." Jacob pushed his hand against my cheek again. I opened my eyes and gave him the angriest glare that I could manage.

_What am I looking at, jackass?_

His look of concern deepened. "Do you _know_ how much blood you lost today?"

"Not half as much as you are going to lose if you don't stop bothering me." I wasn't in the mood to play "twenty questions" with him right now.

"There was quite a trail leading back to your house," he frowned.

"I decided to go with the untraditional trail home. Instead of breadcrumbs, I went with blood. Hansel and Gretel were stupid."

"Is the fact that you're recreating fairytales in a twisted way supposed to make me feel better about your sanity?" he asked.

"In _my_ fairytale, the fat German kids were smart enough to use blood as a way to mark their path home so none of the animals in the forest would _eat_ it." Unless of course there were vampire animals out there. I laughed when I pictured a vampire squirrel going crazy and lapping up the blood, pissing off Hansel and Gretel. I could see Hansel chasing the squirrel with a Bratwurst in his hands.

_"Nein! Zat is OUR blood! Are you trying to sabotage us? Do you WANT us to end up in some crazy, fat bitch's oven?!"_

God, Jacob was right. I was insane. I chuckled and then let out a very faint groan. Why did I have to laugh? Why couldn't I just be angry like I always was? If I was angry, I wouldn't have to worry about my stomach jiggling in amusement.

"Were you able to stop the bleeding?" Jacob's hands trailed around the edge of my shirt. He gently started to lift it up, but I smacked him away.

"Keep your hands to yourself, Jacob." I warned him. _Because if you don't, I'm going to hurt myself even more when I'm unable to control my freaking animalistic urges.__ Oh, hello hormones._ They were baaaack.

"I just wanted to see…"

"Well, this isn't a free show." I shrugged. It took everything I had not to shout at him, _"No! No boob for you!"_

Jacob bellowed a laugh, "Not _that_." He shook his head. Oh, _now_ he didn't think that my boobs were worth looking at? "Your wounds. Someone needs to look at them."

"_I_ looked at them." _And then I almost passed out from the pain and the blood loss._ But, I didn't have to tell him that. "Looks like someone tried to play tic-tac-toe on my abdomen." I paused. "X won."

"I would still feel better if you let someone else take a look."

"Oh, now I'm not _good_ enough to look at my own injuries?" I rolled my eyes.

"Stomach wounds are extremely dangerous," Jacob said seriously.

"Since when do you know anything about medicine?"

"I know enough to know that you don't look right."

"Flattering," I said caustically.

"You're in shock," Jacob frowned.

"No, I'm fine." I really didn't feel like spending any more time with the vampires. Ever. Again.

"Leah, you look pale." Jacob's brow creased with worry. "And clammy. Be honest, how are you feeling?"

"Would you stop treating me like a patient? The last I checked, my living room was _not_ a hospital room and you were _not_ a doctor."

"Just stop being such a baby and let me see your injuries," Jacob said.

"It's already wrapped." I shrugged. It hurt when I shrugged, but I tried not to convey that. "I don't feel like unwrapping it." _Because I don't want to bleed all over my mom's clean floor._

Jacob let out an angry grunt. "I can't believe Sam would do something like this."

"You've seen Emily's face." I reminded him.

"Yeah, I know. But he's completely lost it. I mean, leading an unprovoked attack? Clawing you to pieces?"

"Hey, I got in a couple of hits in that fight, too," I said. I probably would have won too had Sam not used his stupid command on me. That got me thinking about something. "So, are you the leader of our sad, little pack now, or what?"

Jacob looked away to avoid the question. "I don't really want to be."

I never did understand why Jacob didn't want to rule over everyone. I thought it would be awesome to be Queen of the Damned werewolves. The whole "ha, ha, ha...I rule, and you suck" thing seemed incredibly fun.

"Well that's too bad," I said. _Crap. Convince him to take the job!_ "I'd rather follow you than Sam," I admitted. Had I really just said that? My pain must be making me crazy. Or maybe it was true. Jacob really wasn't so bad. I could tell that he actually cared about me, and that was nice. Plus, he was a hell of a lot more fun than Sam Uley. Sam was just too serious all of the time. Hence the giant hole in my gut.

"I honestly don't know what's going to happen." Jacob frowned uncomfortably. "I never did finish talking with Sam. I had to follow your stubborn ass," he grumbled. "Why do you refuse to let anyone help you?"

_Because I'm an idiot._ I glanced at him. "Because I'm not some weak little girl who can't take care of herself."

"It's really not so bad having people care about you." Jacob shrugged.

_Yeah. Just wait until they screw you over._ I sighed, "It's just the way that I am, Jacob."

"You are insane," he muttered under his breath.

"And you're the poster child for _normal_?" I questioned.

"You think I could be on a poster?" he smiled with sarcasm. "Aw, that's so sweet! Thank you. Coming from Miss. September, that's a heck of a compliment." Even though I knew that he was joking, there was still a smug look on his face. He was probably smiling and talking to himself about his hot little body.

"Yeah, go ahead and brag. Just wait until you stop phasing and you gain fifty pounds and lose all of your hair."

He rolled his eyes and laughed as he ran his hand through his hair. _Conceited bastard._

Seth walked into the living room wearing a grin on his face. He handed me the phone.

"It's for you."

I glanced at my brother in confusion. He just continued to smile at me.

"Uh, hello?" I asked.

"Hey, Tinkerbelle, how are you feeling?" I heard Emmett's voice on the other line. Why the hell did he want to talk to me? To tease me? What a jackass.

"What do you want, Jockstrap?" I grumbled. I wasn't in any mood to play along with his fun and games.

"What happened? Did you fall off of another cliff?" Emmett questioned.

"If you must be nosy, I tried to beat the crap out of my Alpha," I said.

He let out a sarcastic gasp, "You've been fighting with other guys? Aw, I thought I was the only one you fought with…" Emmett sighed, "I thought we had something special…"

"I fight with everyone," I laughed dryly.

"Battle whore," he teased.

"Give me the phone, Emmett." I recognized Edward's voice in the background.

"Not now. I'm having a lover's spat with my favorite little dog. She's been cheating on me by fighting with other men and I…ow…" I heard a crash and then Edward had the phone.

There was a moment of silence, followed by Emmett grunting.

"Not cool, Edward!" I heard Emmett yell.

"Leah?" he asked. "I'm sorry to hear that you're hurt again. Jazz told us about your injuries…"

"Uh huh," I said, uninterested.

"They wanted to help, but they knew that we couldn't break the treaty. And Jasper said that he could feel Seth's panic and protection, so he knew that you weren't alone."

"Why are we talking about feelings again?" I asked dryly.

"Is everyone else in the pack okay?"

_Unfortunately._ I really regretted not letting Jacob bite the hell out of Sam.

"Carlisle needs to know if you want him to come treat your injuries. He and Esme are out, but they're on their way back to the house now."

"Did Seth even _tell_ you about Sam's idiotic plan?" I couldn't believe that Carlisle would risk his life just to come stitch me up. Was he running for Pope or something?

"I'm completely aware of what Sam wants to do." I could hear him grinding his teeth. "But I assure you, now that we're aware, we can take precautionary measures."

I guess Jacob was going to get his wish after all. The leeches weren't going anywhere. _Damn_.

"Whatever. Just stay on your side for the time being," I warned him.

"May I speak with Jacob, please?"

_With pleasure._ I practically threw the phone at Jacob. Jacob picked it up.

"Yeah?" he asked. "What's up, shithead?" There was a pause. "Uh huh." He looked at me and then nodded. "I don't know, yet." Another pause. He huffed in irritation. "I didn't do it for you," he snorted. "Sure. I'll let you know. Bye." He hung up the phone.

"What was that about?" Seth asked eagerly.

"He was just verifying what happened today." He let out a soft sarcastic laugh. "And he thanked us for protecting his daughter."

"You don't always have to be such an ass to the guy, Jake." Seth shook his head. "I know Edward comes off as kind of a jerk, but he really is a decent guy."

"Are you in love with him, Seth?" I couldn't help but tease my brother. I grinned in amusement when I thought of what Bella's reaction to that might be. If the "dangerous, sparkly monster" that she was boning was in love with an underage werewolf, she would freak out. I almost died in laughter.

No, really...I literally almost died. The pain was horrible. I bit my lip to fight back a yell. Seth gave me a soft look and then disappeared into the kitchen for something. I heard him shuffling around. He returned a few seconds later.

"Here, take this." Seth handed me some pills and a glass of water.

"Why? Is it poison?" I questioned.

"Carlisle gave them to you for a reason." Seth shrugged. I just stared at him. "You're going to need it if you want to fool mom into thinking that you're okay," he suggested.

Seth had a point. I could sit here and lie to him and Jacob all night, but when it came time to face mom, it would be much more difficult. As I choked down the pills, I grumbled to myself. Damn it, even without being here to treat me, the doctor was _still_ doctoring me.

It's a good thing that Seth made me take something for the pain, because mom walked through the door nearly half an hour later. She looked shocked to see us sitting here. Probably because she'd assumed that we were all going to be flipping out about Sam's news. After a minute of surveying our faces, she cocked an eyebrow at us.

"I assume you're going to stay for dinner, Jacob?" she questioned.

"Yes mam," Jacob said politely.

"Does your father ever even see you anymore?" she asked.

"On the weekends sometimes." Jacob flashed her a grin. She looked at Seth, who was nervously bouncing his knee in the chair across the room. I'd told him to act natural, and he was doing a crappy job of it.

"Did you get registered for school, Seth?"

"Yes."

She studied all of our faces again and then questioned curiously,

"How was your day?"

_Too damn long._ I just wanted this day to end. "I'm sure you already know the answer to that." Though she didn't know Sam's plan in great detail, she certainly knew that he was up to something.

She nodded her head and then disappeared into the kitchen.

"What do you think we should tell her?" Seth asked quietly.

"I vote nothing," I suggested. The less mom knew, the better. She was always going to worry about us. We were her kids. But the best way to keep her anxiety away was to put on our "normal" faces.

"She's going to know something is wrong," Seth frowned.

"There's _always_ something wrong in this household."

"But _this_ wrong?" Jacob gently put pressure on the dressing on my stomach. I forced out a smile as I tensed up. I felt like screaming horrible obscenities, but instead I bit my tongue and nodded at him to assure him that everything was fine.

"It's a little sore, but it's not a big deal." And by a _"little sore," _I meant _"If you fucking touch it again, my guts are going to come spilling out."_

I sighed. There were not enough pain killers in the world to help me get through this evening with my mother. This was going to require all of the acting skills I had ever acquired.


	27. The moronic things we do for love

**Chapter 27:**

**The moronic things we do for love**

**Jacob's point of view:**

Seth, Leah, and I sat in the living room and watched television while Sue ran around the kitchen preparing dinner. It was really sweet of her. It was so nice to never have to cook for myself. When I wasn't ingesting something that Sue made, I was usually letting Esme feed me. I tried to always remember to thank them for keeping my stomach full. At least my dad had stopped bitching at me about our grocery bill.

I watched as Leah tried to pretend that she wasn't hurting. She was actually pretty good at it. Had I not known she was hurt, I would've just assumed that she was tired or something. Seth had all but shoved some pain pills down her throat, so I was hoping that was helping her. Every time I saw her biting her tongue to fight back the pain, I seriously considered knocking her unconscious and dragging her to Carlisle so he could help her.

I was so pissed at Sam for hurting her. After Leah went to sleep, I was going to leave Seth to watch her and then go tear Sam's ass up. I still needed to finish talking to him about this whole "Alpha" business. I really didn't feel like leading the 101 Dalmatians. The way I left it with Sam, he was still able to order around the other guys, so he wasn't completely submissive. And something told me that he wasn't just going to roll over and offer me the number one spot. Not that I was sure that I even wanted it. I just didn't want to listen to Sam anymore. And I didn't want Leah to have to listen to him either. His "command" nearly got her killed today.

"Change the channel, Seth. This is stupid." Leah didn't like the program we were watching. I hadn't really been paying that much attention to the TV. I wanted to make sure that Leah didn't pass out and die here in her living room. I really wish that she wasn't so stubborn. It pissed me off that she wouldn't let me take care of her.

"You aren't even watching it." Seth complained.

"Because _it's stupid_." She reiterated her statement.

Seth ignored her and she threw some kind of book at his head. I saw her inhale a sharp gasp and close her eyes.

"Well, that was smart." Seth rolled his eyes at her.

Normally, she would have responded by throwing something else at him, but she was too tired. Plus, she wasn't that stupid. She could just hit him when she healed.

"Leah, would you come set the table?" Sue walked into the living room.

Leah stayed still for a moment, but then closed her eyes and let out a heavy breath. She was actually going to do it. I understood why she wanted to protect her mom. I could sympathize. My dad was always watching me with nervous eyes, waiting on something to happen to me. She just didn't want her mother to worry about her.

Before Leah could stand up, I hopped to my feet. _You're going to let me help you, whether you want me to or not._ I grinned at her because I knew that she couldn't refuse my help on this one.

"I'll do it." I bounded towards the kitchen with a fake smile on my face. "It's the least I can do since you feed me all the time." I nodded politely at Sue. I glanced at Leah before I disappeared.

She gave me an appreciative nod and then went back to fighting with Seth over what to watch.

Dinner itself was awkward. Sue kept staring at us and asking us questions. She really wanted to know what happened with Sam today. But Leah didn't want her mother involved. I don't think Seth did either. And again, I couldn't blame them. So we were just very bland with our responses and Sue eventually stopped asking.

I paid attention to the fact that Leah wasn't really eating much. I knew her stomach had to be killing her. I gritted my teeth and tried not to let my hands shake when I thought about the pain she was in. As the evening wore on, I wanted to kill Sam more and more. I imagined his head was my baked potato. I pulverized it with my fork.

"Do you not like potatoes, Jacob?" Sue asked inquisitively.

Again, I imagined Sam and let out a grumble. "They have big heads," I frowned. "And they need to be smashed." I heard Seth chuckling. He knew exactly what I was thinking.

"I see. Well, at least you're taking in interest in what you're eating," Sue said as she glanced at Leah. "Is my cooking not up to your stands tonight, honey?"

Leah looked at her mother with a frown on her face, but the words that came out of her mouth weren't the least bit sad or angry. She was fucking hurting. _Sam. Uley. Must. Die._

"I'm still full from lunch," she explained. "Emily cooked enough food to feed an army."

Yeah, an army of wolves.

"It's hard not to eat when you go over to her house," Leah said. "I think I might have overeaten." The lie was very smooth. Too smooth.

God, she was really good at lying. I wondered how honest she was being with me half the time. No wonder she didn't like to phase when anyone else was around. She didn't like honestly sharing what she was feeling with others. I had always known that her "anger" thing was a mask of some kind, but I didn't realize how much she was using it.

Sue accepted Leah's explanation, but didn't miss the fact that Leah wasn't acting like herself.

"Are you feeling okay?" Sue asked her daughter.

"I'm just tired. It's been a long day." Leah forced a smile out for her mom.

After dinner, Seth was the first one to offer to do the dishes. I don't think he really _wanted_ to do them, but he volunteered before Sue could ask Leah to do it. Something told me that he was going to hold that over her head for a while.

_"You owe me for doing the dishes for you that one night…"_

_"That was twenty years ago you little freak!"_

Leah waited until her mother had disappeared into her room before she let out her pain. But she still didn't say anything out loud. The only reason I knew she was hurting is because her heart nearly went into overdrive as she stood up. Seth and I looked at each other uneasily. I knew he heard it, too. Neither of us had gotten used to Leah's irregular heartbeat yet.

Leah looked at me and then at Seth.

"Thanks, losers." I could see her biting the inside of her lip so she wouldn't say what she was really thinking. _"God damn it! Someone fucking kill me!"_

I left Seth to do the dishes while I followed Leah to her room. She sighed and shook her head.

"Are you two _ever_ going to leave me alone again?" She sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Every time we leave you alone, you do something stupid," I shrugged. "Like going and getting yourself hurt…"

She was silent for a minute and then she let out a laugh. Oh, God, was she cracking up?

"Uh, you okay?" I questioned unsurely. _Because I'm two freaking seconds away from calling Carlisle and telling him to get his pale vampire ass over here._

"Have you ever seen Monty Python?" she asked. She was asking me about British comedy?

"You're delirious," I frowned at her.

"No. No, I'm just remembering when Seth made me watch that stupid Monty Python movie. _The Life of Brian_?"

"Uh huh?" I wasn't really sure where she was going with this.

"There's a song in it, and I can't get it off of repeat in my head."

"And what song would that be?"

"Always look on the bright side of life," she snickered.

"How many pain pills did Seth give you?" Maybe she was stoned.

"I was just thinking…what if I was some creepy, happy optimist like my brother? What if I actually _tried_ to find the bright side of things?"

"I don't really see a bright side to getting gutted." I shook my head.

"I do," she said with a smile on her face. "Big plus? I don't have to phase again until I'm healed," she grinned weakly. She closed her eyes and the smile on her face slowly faded. "I am so fucking tired of the shit that my life keeps giving me, Jacob," she admitted. She fell back on to her bed in pain.

She was actually talking to me? About her feelings? On purpose? Wow, the drugs Carlisle prescribed were the best thing that had ever happened to me.

"I know, Lee." I couldn't stop myself from crawling on the bed next to her. She rolled over and looked at me. Being this close to her, I could see the pain she was hiding behind her eyes. Not just the physical pain from today. But all of the emotional pain that she had been fighting like hell to hide from everyone. It nearly killed me. "I don't like to see you in pain."

She blinked and then cocked her head, "Jacob?"

"Huh?"

"Get the hell off of my bed." She shoved me weakly. But her push was enough to send my ass on to the floor. I landed with a thud and then started to laugh. "What's so funny?"

"Seth probably thinks that we're having sex in here," I chuckled. I couldn't imagine what this sounded like down the hallway. The kid was probably cracking his knuckles in anticipation, ready to punch me again.

"Yeah, like I could manage that with twelve lacerations in my stomach." She rolled her eyes. "Plus, my mother's home," she sighed. "And thankfully, she doesn't know the real reason behind my stoic attitude today." She glanced at me. "Looks like you saved my ass, _again_."

"Yep," I said with a grin.

"At least you didn't have to suck my blood this time." She let out a weak laugh

Because there was nothing left to suck. I was fully convinced that Leah didn't have any blood _left._

I picked myself up off of the floor and sat down on the edge of the bed. Leah didn't push me off this time. I don't think she had any strength left. _Come on, Lee, fall asleep so I can go kill your ex-boyfriend._

"Stop staring at me, Jacob," she sighed. She closed her eyes. "It's weird."

"It's either this, or I take you back to Carlisle." The only reason I hadn't done that already is because I was afraid that Leah would injure herself further trying to fight me. Knowing her, she would give herself a heart attack if I tried to force her to go to Carlisle.

"Fine. Whatever," she mumbled sleepily.

I didn't have to wait very long for her to drift away. I took a moment to watch her sleeping. Every time she took a breath, I could see her unconscious pain, and that enraged me. I closed my eyes and listened to her heart rate to try and keep myself calm. How the hell could Sam do this? Even if Leah _had_ started it, he should have been man enough to walk away. I don't care how angry he was, he had no right to hurt her like this.

I could see how tense her abdomen was. I really wanted to see how bad the scratches were, but I would probably wake her up if I tried to look. She'd kill me. Or jump my bones. It was really hard to tell with her.

I reached for her stomach. Maybe I could just lift the bandages and take a quick peek. But by the time my hands reached her belly, I decided against it. I didn't want to disturb her or hurt her in any way. Instead, I moved my hand to her face and brushed her cheek with my thumb. Her naturally dark skin looked pale from all of the blood loss.

"Why are you so damn stubborn, Leah?" I muttered to myself. I pushed a strand of her hair out of her face. Her skin was still hot to my touch. That was going to take some getting used to. I wasn't used to anything feeling warm to me.

Now that she was out, it was time for me to go have a talk with Sam. Or kill him. Whichever. I leaned forward and gave Leah a quick, soft kiss on the forehead. She made a face and then threw her hands up to her face like she was trying to swat a fly. I chuckled in amusement. She was too freaking adorable. And I couldn't say that to her when she was awake. I knew the words to avoid with her: adorable, cute, sweet, love, and for some reason…she hated the word cotton.

As I made my way down the hallway, the sound of Leah's heart got softer. I hated to leave her in the state that she was in, but I had some business to take care of. I found Seth in the kitchen.

"Seth, keep an eye on your sister."

"Where are you going?" he asked curiously.

I didn't answer him. I just glared with an angry look across my face. He knew where I was going. He nodded his head and I silently made my way to the door. I heard Seth shuffle up behind me softly.

"Hey, Jake?" he questioned.

"Yeah?"

"Kick the shit out of him for me," Seth said.

"You got it, kid." I glanced towards Leah's room. "She's got a fever again."

"She's always run pretty hot," Seth said. Though that made me feel a little better, I still wasn't happy about the fact that Leah was laid up in a bed, injured again. He laughed softly, "I've never really thought about it, but she is _literally_ a hothead…" He smiled at his play on words.

"Could you be any more of a dork?" I teased him. He saw me cast another nervous glance at Leah's door. God, I was so freaking transparent. "What'd Carlisle say?" I questioned. Seth had snuck in a phone call to Carlisle since Leah wouldn't let us take her to him.

"If she isn't any better in the morning, he strongly urges us to knock her out and bring her to him."

"Did he say those words exactly?" I chuckled.

Seth nodded, "Yep."

I laughed. I could hear Carlisle's advice:

_"Hit her over the head with a giant rock. I'll patch her up when you get her here."_

"I wish we could convince her to let Carlisle take care of her," Seth frowned. "You think we could just grab her, throw her in the car, and then restrain her while she kicks and screams all the way there?"

"I don't know." I laughed. "She came pretty close to kicking Sam's ass today. Something tells me that we might lose if we take her on."

"Yeah," Seth nodded. "She'll heal. She just needs to sleep it off." Seth assured me...and himself. He paused and then added. "Thank you for what you did today, Jacob."

_Making out with your sister?_ I was confused about what he meant. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I hadn't said that out loud!

"With Sam. Getting to him before he killed her."

"I don't think he would have killed her, Seth." As enraged as Sam was, I wanted to believe that he would have stopped before taking Leah's life. I _wanted_ to believe that.

"Yes, he would have," Seth said surely. He frowned at me, "That's why you have to overthrow him. Leah's got a smart mouth. She'll piss him off again. And what if no one's there to stop him then?"

"I can't make any promises, Seth." Even though I knew that it was my birthright, I still wasn't prepared to manage an entire pack of wolves. I didn't even know what the hell _I_ was doing half the time. I _really_ didn't need to be telling other people what to do.

Seth sighed, "I can't speak for anyone else in the pack, but I want to follow _you_, Jacob."

I crinkled my forehead in thought. Leah had said the same exact thing to me. Wow, the Clearwaters were a loyal bunch. Annoyingly loyal.

"Thanks, man. That means a lot to me," I nodded.

"You're a good guy," Seth smiled.

Geeze, no wonder Leah thought we were gay for each other.

I saw Seth's face get serious again. "But, just so you know…I still meant what I said about you hurting my sister." He was in "brother" mode again.

"Absolutely."

"But if it was going to be anyone…I'm glad that it's you."

God, Seth was as hot and cold as his sister. _"I love you. You're my best friend. Wait, you're boning my sister? I'm going to kill you, jackass. No, I don't mean that. I totally still love you. Okay, now I hate you again. Aww, I can't stay mad at you. Hug me! But...look at my sister one more time and I will murder you!"_

"No one is ever going to hurt her again, Seth." I promised him.

"Cool. Now go kick Sam's ass."

"I'll even slap him, so it'll be like you were there," I grinned.

Seth scowled at me as I left the house.

When I phased, there was no one else around. It was weird. Sam must have ordered everyone to phase back and go home. I took in the silence as I ran to Sam and Emily's place…no doubt where Sam was hiding out like the giant pussy that he was.

When I got there, I phased back and made my way to his front door. Instead of knocking, I figured I would just let myself in. Something told me that Sam wouldn't let me in willingly anyway.

"Sam?" I exclaimed. "Sam, get out here you piece of shit!"

"Jacob?" Emily walked into the living room, startled at my presence.

I was as cordial as I could be to her, "Hello, Emily. Where is your jerk of a fiancé?"

"I'm right here. Now stop yelling at her." Sam walked in behind Emily.

So, it was okay for Sam to gut Leah, but I couldn't even raise my voice to Emily? Besides, I wasn't yelling at her.

"I was _not_ yelling at her," I snapped at him. I glared at him. I saw that he had a light scratch across his eye and a fading bruise. So, Leah _had_ done him some damage after all. Good for her. I glanced at Emily and then back to Sam. "Outside. Now."

"Jacob, now isn't the best time…"

"I don't give a shit!" I yelled. _This_ was yelling.

"Lower your voice in my house," Emily ordered. It wasn't bad enough that I had once taken orders from Sam? Now I had to take orders from Emily, too?

"Look, with all due respect Emily, this is between me and Sam. Stay out of it."

"And with all due respect, this is _still_ my house. So either lower your voice, or get out."

I looked at Emily. She didn't look the least bit upset. It dawned on me. Sam hadn't told her what he did today.

"You fucking coward. You didn't even tell her, did you?"

"I was getting ready to discuss a few things with her before you barged in." Sam gritted his teeth.

"I'm getting ready to knock those god damn teeth out of your head."

"Jacob! What has gotten into you?" Emily exclaimed.

"Go ahead, Sam. Tell her what you did to her cousin."

"What is he talking about?" Emily faced Sam in concern. "What's wrong with Leah?"

Sam opened his mouth, but I didn't give him a chance to speak.

"She's crying in pain in her sleep," I snarled at Sam. "Hitting girls is _not_ okay. And slicing open their stomachs is even _less_ okay!"

Emily's jaw dropped and her face blanched. Sam saw the look on her face and growled at me. He glided over to where I was.

"Now listen here, you little bastard…" He hissed at me.

I shoved him backwards. "If you get in my face again, I will kill you."

"Sam?" Emily asked. "Is it true?"

He sighed and growled at me in irritation. "May I have a few minutes alone with her, please?"

"Go ahead. Feed her a bunch of lies," I shrugged.

"Jacob…" He snarled.

"Fine." I granted his request…for Emily's sake. So he could let her in on what happened today. I went out to wait for him on the porch. I figured he would probably take his time with Emily. All he fucking cared about was Emily. I found myself pacing the length of Sam's porch, waiting for the bastard to show his face.

I was surprised when twenty minutes later, he followed through with his promise to meet me out here.

"Thank you for upsetting my fiancé, jackass," Sam snapped sarcastically.

"Thank you for attacking your ex-girlfriend, _dickweed,_" I snarled back. I balled my right hand up into a fist and slammed it into Sam's stomach. He retaliated by grabbing me around my waist and tackling me off of the porch. We rolled around on the ground for a moment. He leaped up first, trembling in anger.

"Don't you phase, you son of a bitch!" I jumped up and broke his nose. "Take this like a man!"

"Jacob, this is insanity. What are we doing?"

He was trying to break the fight up. Because he was _losing_.

"I'm just finishing what we started earlier today," I shrugged. I went to punch him again, but he blocked me and decked me in the mouth. I bit through my lip and tasted the blood. But it was already healing.

"Now, Jake, I don't want to hurt you." It almost sounded like he was mocking me.

"Oh, like you didn't want to hurt Leah?" I snapped. I felt his fist cut into my stomach. I grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back, forcing him on to his knees. "You were always yelling at me about hanging out with Bella. Telling me what a danger I was to her. Look at the girls in _your_ life, Sam. You're two for two. Who are you going to claw to pieces next? Your mother?"

An animalistic growl escaped his lips and he reared back, throwing me off of him. I hit my head on the edge of his porch. But I was back on my feet in no time. The two of us lunged towards each other, throwing our fists at each other and cussing up a storm. I managed to elbow him in the face.

The fight probably didn't last as long as it felt like it did. By the time we had both run out of rage, we were on the ground, covered in blood and dirt. I looked over at Sam and he wiped some dried blood off of his lips.

I spit a blood clot out of my mouth. _Hmm, is that a chunk of my tongue?_ I wondered.

"Are you finished yet?" Sam questioned.

"I'll never be finished kicking your ass." I shook my head.

He sighed as he pushed himself to sit up. "Well, in that case, are we going to take a break so we can talk?"

"Sure. One more thing, though." I walked over to him and helped him stand up. He looked at me, waiting for me to finish my statement. I drew my fist back and hit him in the eye as hard as I could. He stumbled back. "That was from Seth," I shrugged.

"Geeze, Seth hits really god damn hard," Sam muttered.

_No. He really doesn't._ I laughed to myself. I leaned against Sam's porch, ready for the douche to start talking. We did have a lot to discuss. This was going to be a long night.


	28. Hot diggity damn, I'm free

**Chapter 28:**

**Hot diggity damn, I'm free**

**Leah's point of view:**

I wasn't the least bit surprised when I opened my eyes the next morning and found Jacob snoring on my floor. Well, at least he hadn't stayed up _all_ night watching me sleep. That really wigged me out. I didn't like to be the center of attention when I wasn't conscious. It was just weird.

I pushed myself up against my bed frame. A sharp pain from my stomach shot through my body and I gasped out a shocked growl.

"Shit!"

Jacob was on his feet two seconds later.

"What? What is it?" He looked around defensively. He looked like a retarded football player hopping around like a lunatic. I just cocked an eyebrow at him and laughed as he tripped over his feet.

"Charming," I said sarcastically.

"God, Leah, you scared the crap out of me." He collapsed on to his makeshift bed on the floor.

_That's right. When I say "jump", you ask "how high?"_ I grinned in thought.

"You okay?" he asked.

_No. My stomach still hurts._ Of course, it wasn't as intense as last night. My wounds were still aching, but at least I could move without wanting to scream bloody murder. I pushed myself to the edge of my bed and stood up.

"Never been better." I lied.

"Liar," he said with a laugh. He looked at me intently for a moment and nodded in satisfaction. "Your color does look a lot better this morning." He sounded pleased.

"Glad you approve." I yawned. "So, is this whole sleeping in my room thing going to become a regular occurrence?"

"With any luck…" Jacob smiled up at me.

"You are such a horndog." I rolled my eyes.

He just grinned back at me.

"Would you kindly get out of my room so I can change?" I still had on my clothes from yesterday. I was burning up. I wasn't used to sleeping in clothes. But I knew that Jacob was going to sleep over last night or else I would have just thrown my clothes onto the floor. If I'd had my way I would have just slept naked. Something tells me that Jacob wouldn't have minded that. I sighed. God, why was the world filled with such horny sex-crazed maniacs? And why was I one of them?

Sadly, I didn't mind that Jacob slept in my room last night. Because I really didn't care anymore. I had gotten used to him hanging here. And last night he felt some need to protect me from something that had already happened. It's not like he could go back and declaw Sam. Though, that would have been a fun thing to do. I laughed when I pictured what Sam might have done if he didn't have any claws to fight with. He would have gone to claw me and then glanced at his feet in wonder when nothing happened. I could see him pawing at me furiously. _"What the hell? Why isn't this working?"_

All the while I would be laughing at him. _"Aww, who's a cute little kitty? You are! Yes you are!"_

Perhaps if we declawed and neutered Sam he would be a less threatening douchebag.

I looked at Jacob, who was still staring at me. He hadn't left yet? How could I get him out of here? I thought of the one thing I knew he couldn't resist.

"Why don't you go eat Seth and I out of house and home?" I suggested.

"You sure you don't need any help?" he asked. He looked sincere when he was asking, so I was fairly certain that it didn't have anything to do with seeing me naked.

"I think I can manage." I nodded.

When he stood up I noticed a few healed cuts and scrapes. I looked closer and saw some dried blood next to his ear and matted into his hair.

"What the…Jake, is that blood?" I walked over to him and took a closer look. I saw that he had more dried blood on his arm.

"What is with all of this?" I pointed to the blood on his arm.

"Crap, I thought I got it all." He licked his thumb and then rubbed the blood out with his spit.

"Wow, that was…really gross." Cleaning blood with spit? Nasty. It's a good thing there wasn't an actual wound where he'd just wiped his spit. Cleaning a cut with drool wasn't exactly sterile. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Nothing," Jacob shrugged. He didn't look hurt. The lucky bastard.

"Doesn't look like _nothing_." I pointed out. I pulled a leaf out of his hair. "Did you go out and wrestle with a grizzly bear or something last night?" Why was I pulling crap out of his hair?

Jacob forced out a chuckle, "Nah, I wouldn't even call him a cub." He shook his head. "Just Sam."

"Jake, you didn't…" I frowned at him. Though my words said something different, I was really secretly hoping that Jacob had kicked Sam's ass.

"We just had a little _chat_," he sneered.

"Since when does talking end in bloodshed?" I questioned.

"We're guys. We can't communicate unless we're beating the crap out of each other," Jacob admitted. I could see another look on his face. One that so convincingly said, _"And also, he deserved it."_

"And what did you two _communicate_ about exactly?" I asked.

I expected him to mumble incoherently and ignore the question. But instead he surprised me with his honesty.

"Well, after I pummeled him for what he did to you we talked about the structure in the pack and our disagreement over what should be done about the Cullens," he said. "It took us a while to get past the name calling. He kept calling me Judas. And I just looked at him like an idiot because I didn't get his reference. And that pissed me off, so I called him a temperamental ball buster. Then we started fighting again for a few minutes. But eventually we settled down and started to actually talk…with words and stuff."

"And?"

"He still thinks Nessie is a threat." He paused. "But he won't do anything about it. Because I quit last night."

"You…quit?" I gawked. How was it fair that he got to walk away from the pack while I was completely stuck? I let out a grumble. "You jackass!"

"Huh?" He looked surprised by my anger.

"You're just going to leave me there? With _him?_" What happened to Jacob promising never to hurt me? _This_ hurt me. "Well, that's just great," I snapped sarcastically.

"You didn't let me finish…" Jacob frowned. He got flustered as he tried to explain. "I'm not the only one leaving."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm taking you and Seth with me."

Though that made us sound like some kind of consolation prize, I couldn't be happier to hear it.

"How?" That was the only question in my mind right now.

"You both told me you would rather follow me than him. So if you want to come with me I'm leaving the pack."

"Is that even possible? To have two packs?"

"Apparently so." Jacob nodded. "The packs never had a reason to split before this. Looks like I'm going down in the history books as the first rebel werewolf of our tribe."

Something crossed my mind. Sam would be losing me, Jacob, _and_ Seth. That really dwindled his numbers.

"How pissed is Sam right now?" I laughed.

"He threw a fit. Told me that I was going to regret the day that I was born."

"I told him the same thing when he broke up with me."

"You should have seen his face when I told him that I was going to tell the rest of the guys and let them decide whether they wanted to follow me or him."

"But you don't want the Alpha position." I understood why Seth and I would be part of Jacob's pack, but the fact that he was offering it to the rest of the guys showed me just how nice of a guy Jacob Black could be…when he wasn't busy being an arrogant bastard.

"I'm not doing it for me," Jacob said. He glanced away from me. "Sam was livid. Once you're healed we might have to lay low for a while."

"Mexico or Canada?"

"This is serious…" He frowned. I just stared at him and after a moment he let out a sigh. "Canada's closer."

"I hear they have really good maple syrup." I shrugged. I cringed when I moved my shoulders. Stupid stomach wounds. But hey, still better than yesterday.

I let the realization hit my brain. I didn't have to listen to Sam anymore. I was free. And it was all thanks to Jacob. I glanced at him. He had pulled away from Sam. He saw me grinning at him.

"What?" Jacob asked.

_I have never wanted you more. Now please leave…as I am injured but I still don't know how to say "no" to my urges._

"Is something wrong?" Jacob asked.

"I'd like to change my clothes sometime today." I motioned for him to leave the room.

_Get out of here before I rip your pants off…_

Jacob watched me out of the corner of his eyes as he slowly walked out of the room.

"Hey, do me a favor and put some clothes on. I don't want my mom to get the wrong idea," I suggested. "I'm sure Seth has something that will fit."

I shut my door behind him and grabbed some clean clothes. I pulled my shirt off and glanced down at the bandages. Some of the blood from yesterday had soaked through. I decided I would just leave those bandages on for now instead of changing them out. I was afraid to take the pressure off of my stomach because I didn't want it to start gushing blood again. Plus I really didn't want to fight with the gauze again. It had kicked my ass last time. I took what was left of the roll gauze and wrapped a fresh layer across the blood that had seeped through, just in case Seth and Jacob decided to hold me down and do a bandage inspection. That way they wouldn't see blood and freak out. I don't think they understood that healing takes _time_. I was already feeling better than I had yesterday. I just had to be careful not to make any sudden movements or my internal organs might fall out.

_"Ah, ow, yeah…nobody mind me. I'm just crawling around the floor looking for my appendix. Found it! Oh, no wait. That's just a smashed cherry tomato…"_

When I was dressed I made my way into the kitchen. Seth was already sitting at the table, eating waffles.

"Hey, sis!"

"Why are you in such a good mood?" I asked suspiciously.

"Cuz we're not Sam's bitches anymore," he said with pep. Apparently, Jacob had already talked to him about the fact that he'd broken away from Sam.

I sat down at the table and Seth gave me a concerned look.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"I'm pretty sure if I eat anything right now it's just going to fall out of my stomach." I joked. I grabbed a piece of fruit from the fruit bowl in the center of the table and started nibbling on it. I looked around. "Hey, where's idiot number two?" I didn't see Jacob around anywhere.

"He's outside talking to Quil and Embry."

Looks like we were going to be joined by idiots three and four pretty soon. A few minutes later I heard the front door open. I wasn't at all surprised to see Embry and Quil walking in behind Jacob.

"Hey, Leah." Quil waved when he walked in. "How's your gut?"

"Exactly what a woman wants to hear first thing in the morning." I knew what he was trying to ask, but I couldn't help but give him a hard time.

"I see Sam left your cynicism intact," Quil snorted.

_Stocky asshole._

I heard Jacob growl something at him.

"Dude, she started it," Quil said quietly.

"I don't care. I'm finishing it." Jacob frowned.

"I haven't even been here five minutes and you're already giving me orders." Quil shook his head and let out a laugh. "But man, it's sure as hell better than Sam."

That answered my question about who else was going to be in Jacob's little pack. Quil, Embry, and Jacob joined Seth and me at the table.

"Hey, are there any more waffles? Those look good." Embry glanced at Seth, who was finishing up his waffles.

"In the freezer. Help yourself." Seth shrugged.

_Why don't you just shove what little money mom has down their throat?_ I frowned silently at my brother.

"So, you're going to do the whole renegade thing, too?" I asked Quil and Embry.

"Yep. Jake called us and told us what was going on last night."

"Yeah. I let most of the guys think about it overnight." Jacob grabbed some orange juice from the refrigerator.

"What did the rest of the pack have to say?" I asked curiously.

"It's just going to be Embry and Quil." Jacob answered my not-so-subtle question. I could see him tense up in thought. "I knew Jared wouldn't abandon Sam. They're best friends."

"And gay lovers." I grinned. "The douchey-est gay lovers in the world."

"God, knock it off with your 'gay' comments..." Seth rolled his eyes at me.

"I will as soon as you stop all of your fart jokes and potty humor," I said. My brother could be such a big baby.

"It'll be nice to be just us." Embry smiled.

_Speak for yourself,_ I mumbled in thought.

"I think the real reason Paul declined is because he was too afraid that you'd order him to stop dating your sister." Quil laughed.

Jacob let out a low growl, "I'm glad he decided he didn't want to be part of this pack. Now I don't have to hear his vulgar thoughts about my sister." He unconsciously squeezed the carton of orange juice too tight and it spilled over on to the floor.

"Dude, you killed it." Seth frowned at the destroyed carton of juice. "Aw, and that was a new carton, too."

"And what about the younger guys?" I asked.

"Collin and Brady have spent most of their time training with Jared or Sam. And they wanted to stay with them. Which is fine. This pack is big enough as it is." Jacob quickly cleaned up his mess and sat down at the table with a glass of water. He'd killed all of the orange juice.

"Yeah, you gonna be cool with us hanging around here a little bit more?" Embry asked Seth and me. Seth just shrugged out a grunt. What a primitive little caveman thing to do.

"I was never 'cool' with you two dimwits being here in the first place. Ever." I made my feelings perfectly clear.

"Well, get used to it...cuz we're gonna be hanging out more often." Quil shoved a banana in his mouth.

"Oh, that's nice. Are you practicing your blowjob techniques so you can surprise your boyfriend?" It took all of my self control not to shove the banana further into his mouth so he would choke on it.

Jacob laughed softly and leaned over to me.

"I know they annoy you, but give them a chance. They're really not so bad once you get past their…" He tried to find a word to describe his friends.

I thought of a perfect one. "Idiocy?"

"Exactly." Jacob nodded.

"Hey, check it out…" Quil grabbed his empty water glass and put it up around his lips. He covered his mouth with the top of the cup and sucked in a bunch of air, puckering his cheeks and making the glass stay on his face without help from his hands.

"Fantastic, are these two morons going to be sleeping here as well?" I chuckled darkly.

"Hell, no. They've got their own damn beds." Jacob shook his head.

"So do you. But that doesn't keep you out of here at night." I frowned.

Jacob ignored me. He turned to his buddies and they started chattering loudly. Seth and Quil laughed at something stupidly boyish that Embry had done. Jacob joined in the laugher.

There was a knock at the front door.

"Great, who else did you invite to the party?" I asked Jacob.

He looked confused.

There was another knock.

"Don't everyone rush at once to get it." I slowly stood up. This whole "taking it easy" thing was not easy at all. What a conundrum.

Seth frowned at me as I walked out of the kitchen. "I was gonna get it, Leah…"

"No, no. Eat your sugary breakfast." I shook my head. I walked to the door grumbling to myself, "Oh, sure, have the injured girl be the god damn doorman." I swung open the front door and let out a shocked gasp.

My cousin was standing in front of me holding a basket of muffins. I didn't know whether to slam the door in her face, or to steal the muffins and _then_ slam the door in her face.

She saw my perplexed look.

"Hello, Leah."

"Emily?" _What the hell are you doing here?_

She stood motionless for a few minutes. I could feel her anxiety and fear. After a moment she leaped forward and embraced me in a hug. My stomach burned in pain. I pushed her off of me gently.

"I'm sorry. I'm just glad to see that you're okay." She glanced at the ground nervously. "Sam told me about what happened."

"He did?" I had to say, I was impressed that he'd told Emily what he'd done.

"He feels really bad," she sighed. "I've never seen him so despondent. The last time I saw him so desolate was when…" She trailed off and then picked back up in a shaky voice. "...after my accident."

"Yeah, and you know as well as I do that he can't take it back." I frowned. _So, what are you doing here?_ I waved her in.

"I wanted to see that you were okay." Emily followed me in. "I brought muffins."

_Oh, well, that makes everything okay then._ I thought to myself sarcastically. So she was here to deliver a _"Please forgive me for trying to maim you"_ muffin basket.

"Seth's going to go crazy. He loves your muffins." Of course, Seth loved anything that he could eat. I was fully convinced that he'd eat dirt if it had any nutritional value.

She sighed uncomfortably, "How are you doing?"

"You mean other than the throbbing pain?" I accidentally let my anger seep through. "Sorry. I'm fine."

"No, it's okay. I was angry, too," Emily admitted.

So that's why she was here? To try and bond with me since we both knew how it felt to have a werewolf lose his temper and claw on us? I had to be cordial to her for my family's sake, but I didn't have to be her friend. I loved her because she was my cousin, but I sure as hell didn't want to spend time with her.

"Why are you here, Em?" I sighed.

"I was worried."

"You were worried about me being hurt?" _HA!_ She didn't seem to worry very much when Sam broke up with me to be with her. "Look, I appreciate your concern, but I can't do this whole 'friendship' thing with you right now."

"What are you talking about?" Emily questioned.

_I'm talking about the fact that you're with my ex-boyfriend!_ I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. I didn't have it in me to pretend that everything was fine between us. When she asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding to Sam I'd said "yes" because I didn't want to come off as a bitch, but it still killed me to see them together.

"We _are_ friends, Lee…"

We'd grown up together. And that only made it hurt more when Sam left me for her.

"You're my cousin. I love you. But the truth is…" I sighed. _The truth is…I don't like you very much._ Why couldn't I say it out loud? Oh, right. Because my mom would lay into me for being mean to my cousin. "The truth is…I'm just a little worn out on visitors right now."

"Ah…" Emily nodded. "I understand." She glanced at the door. She turned her back to me and sighed. "He feels terrible…" Her voice started to crack. "I…uh…haven't said a word to him since he told me."

She was giving Sam the silent treatment? Wow. She hadn't even ignored him after he maimed her face. I had to wonder…was she withholding sex, too? God, that would be hysterical.

She turned around to face me, "I am so sorry."

"Don't apologize for him," I snorted.

She shook her head. "I'm not." So, she was apologizing for herself.

This wasn't the first time that Emily had apologized to me for her love for Sam. And every time she asked for my forgiveness I always stared at her and silently wished that I could scratch her eyes out and pull her hair. Then I felt like shit because Sam had already done that to her. The only time I was willing to accept her apology is when she was in the hospital after Sam attacked her. That whole "deathbed" thing wasn't bullshit. When someone you love is laid up in the hospital you'd grant them whatever request they wanted. Hell, she could have asked me to put on a "Barney" suit and entertain Claire while Claire's mother visited her and I probably would have done it. Fortunately, that task fell to Seth. I had pictures that I was going to show on his wedding day.

"I can't leave him." Emily loved Sam. I knew that. And I hated that. But there was nothing I could do about it. "You know none of this was on purpose."

"I know." I frowned. _How do you "accidentally" fall in love with your cousin's boyfriend?_

"I don't…I don't know what to say to him."

"I highly doubt that you want _my_ advice on what you should say to him. The words I have for him aren't very lady-like." Hell, some of the words I was thinking would probably make _prisoners_ cringe.

"This is the longest we've ever gone without talking," Emily admitted.

I sighed. I couldn't believe that I was about to say this. I was really going to hate myself for it.

"Don't let me come between you two." _I sure as hell haven't before._

"He really does feel horrible," she said quietly.

_Yeah? Well, so do I. Stomachs wound hurt._ I bit my tongue and stared at her in silence.

"Lee, I've never seen him so upset. He cried last night."

Against my better judgment I decided not to laugh. Sam Uley cut open _my_ stomach and _he_ was the one who was crying?

"Then maybe he should have thought twice before he attacked her." Jacob appeared in the doorway. He frowned. "I'm sorry you found out the way that you did. I acted like a bit of a dick last night."

Okay, what the hell had Jacob done last night?

"It's completely understandable." Emily glanced at me and then at Jacob. I grunted. Did she have to be so damn understanding? "But the next time that you come into my house screaming like a maniac I will beat you upside the head with a wooden spoon."

"Fair enough." Jacob nodded.

Lucky for me Emily didn't stay for much longer. She told me to call her and let her know how I was doing, but she knew that I wouldn't. I sighed as I watched her disappear.

"Well…" I frowned sourly. "That couldn't have gone better."

"Least she brought you some muffins." Jacob grabbed one from the basket.

I hated Emily's muffins. They were the talk of the damn town. Plus, Sam loved them. And I hated anything that Sam liked. I know that made me childish, but I didn't care.

As for Emily _— _well, had I known that Little Red-Riding-Hood was going share her _muffins_ with the big bad wolf I would have stolen the woodsman's axe and hacked the wolf and that tramp Red to pieces.

Jacob gently touched my arm and directed me towards the kitchen. Guess he was leading his injured cow out to pasture.

I knew he wanted me to sit down. And damn him for being right _—_ I did need to.

"Come on. I made you some waffles. You're going to eat them," he said.

"Is that an order?" I chuckled.

"Yes," he said seriously as he disappeared into the kitchen. As I watched him go I thought about the way he was acting towards me. I don't think he was going to give up this protective crap any time soon. Because he actually cared about me.

I sighed. I wasn't really sure, but I think Jacob Black was now somehow my boyfriend.


	29. Since when does everyone care about me?

**Chapter 29:**

**Since when does everyone care about me?**

I suppose I could have actually thought things through before I stripped my shirt and bandages off the next morning. But, no…I wanted my life to be _more_ complicated, so I decided to be a stupid person.

"God Leah, what happened to you?"

I was officially an idiot. If I had learned anything about being caught in the act with Sam, it was to lock my door in my house. My mother rarely knocked.

_"Hey Leah, I just wanted to ask you…Oh, God! Sam…you're naked…in my daughter's room!" _Come to think of it, maybe that's what prompted the sex talk with my mother that I still shivered thinking about.

I was double checking my injuries to make sure that they didn't look any worse today when my mother barged into my room to bring me my clean laundry.

"Here, I did a little bit of laundry today and I…"

_Damn it._ I scrambled to put on a shirt. But it was too late. The damage was already done. When she saw my stomach, she dropped the laundry basket on the floor, spilling the contents. I think I saw a pair of Seth's underwear touching one of my favorite shirts. I was going to have to burn that shirt now.

"Honey, you're hurt…"

"Don't worry about it," I said.

"You expect me not to worry that my daughter has lacerations all over her stomach? How did that happen?" She gasped out an anxious cry. Concern flashed across her face. "If I find out you've been hurting yourself…"

"Mom, I didn't do this to myself." I rolled my eyes. "Do you really think I would be stupid enough to cut myself? If I wanted to cause myself pain, all I'd have to do is listen to a Britney Spears CD." I laughed.

"Leah, your stomach…what happened?"

As soon as she found out that Sam was responsible for this, she was going to freak the hell out. She might even go after him with a weapon. That might be fun to see. But for some reason, I still didn't want to tell her the truth.

"It doesn't matter."

"The hell it doesn't!" she exclaimed. "Start talking…"

I sighed and looked at the ground. I don't think there was a way out of this.

"It's no big deal. Being a wolf means that I get hurt every now and then." Or in my case, now…and again in three days. At the rate I was going, I was going to be averaging five to six near death experiences a month.

"That looks bad. Tell me you went to the doctor."

"I went to the doctor," I lied. _The doctor of Johnson and Johnson._ It was a shoddy lie and mom saw right through it.

"You just came home and put a Band-aid on it yourself, didn't you?" she frowned at me.

"Jacob already lectured me. I don't need it from you, too." I shook my head.

"It was stupid not to go to the hospital, Leah," she grumbled.

"I don't like doctors," I frowned. Man, I sounded whiny. I might as well have stomped my feet and let out a groan, _"I don't wanna go to the doctor! You can't make me!"_

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" Mom sighed. She was trembling with worry.

"Because I knew that you'd react like this."

"How am I supposed to react?" she asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"Without all of the dramatics." Now I knew where Seth got his temper tantrums from.

"Well, excuse me for caring about you," Mom laughed darkly. And now I knew where I got my sarcasm from. "How are you feeling?" She put her hand on my forehead. Why did everyone I know insist on touching my forehead?

"Much better," I exaggerated. I wouldn't say that I was _much_ better. Just slightly improving. But the less I could make my mother worry, the better.

"Do Sam and the others know?"

"They were there." I chose my words carefully.

"Was it a vampire?"

"No." I was starting to get uncomfortable. I walked towards my door. "I don't really feel like talking about it right now."

Mom blocked my path. "Damn it, Leah. I am part of the council, and more importantly…your mother! When something like this happens, I need to know!"

"You don't want to know about this. Trust me," I said.

"You might as well tell me. Because if you don't, then I'll find someone who will," she snapped.

She wasn't going to leave this alone. If she asked Seth, he wouldn't keep his mouth shut. Jacob probably wouldn't either. I had to admit, it might be humorous to see what would happen if she asked Sam if he knew anything.

_"Sam, do you know what happened to my daughter's stomach?"_

_"Oh, yeah. That was me. My bad."_

"Leah…" My mother stared at me impatiently.

"It was Sam, okay?" I snapped.

"What?" A confused look flashed across her face.

I softened my tone. "We got into it…and I lost." _Because he commanded me to go belly up._ That asshole. I still couldn't believe that he used his command against me in a fight. I _had_ gone a little overboard with the insults about Emily, but I wasn't expecting him to rip me to shreds.

Mom still hadn't said anything. I saw her lips purse together in thought.

"Mom?" I questioned.

"Sam? Sam Uley?"

"No, mom. Sammy Davis Jr," I said sarcastically. She glared at me. "Yes, Sam Uley," I nodded.

"What happened?" She was starting to sound like a broken record.

"We had a disagreement. He wanted to control me. And I disagreed." I decided to leave out the fine details. She didn't need to know everything...

_"Well…first I called Emily 'peppy' and 'disfigured', and then I called Sam a 'fuckhole…'"_

"When did this happen?"

"The day before yesterday."

"I see," she nodded. "So for the past two days, every time I have asked you why you were acting so strange, you lied to me?"

"Not entirely. Blood loss does make you tired." Why did I always have to be such a smartass? My mother frowned at me. I smiled, "Mom, I'm fine…"

"Stop saying that!" she exclaimed. "You have severe injuries!"

"But they're healing," I assured her. "And Seth and Jacob have been watching me nonstop," I grumbled. Not that I didn't appreciate their concern, but it was getting really annoying having those two constantly on my case. "Come on, please don't make a big deal out of this. I just want to move past it."

"Leah, you are impossible," my mother grumbled.

"Yeah, I've been hearing that a lot lately."

"With injuries like that, you could have died…"

_Nah, I don't do anything right in my life. I can't even die correctly._ I resisted the urge to tell her that I'd already stared death in the face and come out the other end. Her little miracle child. I still wasn't sure how I had managed to survive vampire venom. I guess _everything_ about me was defective. I could see the vampire venom running around in my bloodstream, desperately looking for a way out, _"Retreat! Find the fastest way out of this body as possible! Run! Run like the wind!"_

"Do you know what it would have done to me and Seth if we lost you?" Mom asked softly.

"Mom, I didn't die. I'm here and I'm fine." I put my hands on her shoulders comfortingly. I wasn't _that_ stupid. I knew that my injuries were severe. But I also knew that I would heal. If I felt like I was going to die from my injuries, I would have pretended to pass out so Jacob and Seth could have dragged me to Carlisle to patch me up. I would never go to the vampire's place willingly. But I knew that if it got really bad, I could count on my brother and Jacob to take care of me. It hadn't gotten to that point. So, I got to gloat. A lot.

"Leah…" My mom inhaled a deep breath.

"Sue?" I heard a light knock at the front door. "Are you ready?"

Saved by the policeman.

Charlie and mom were going to some kind of festival today. Normally, I would have bitched about how close she was getting with him, but at the moment, I was thankful that he would be getting her out of the house so I didn't have to deal with her crap.

Mom stared at me with a stoic look on her face and then shook her head angrily. But I got the feeling that she wasn't angry at me.

"Go have fun with Charlie." The words didn't sound right when they came out. I was actually telling her to go on a date with the Andy Griffith Rent-a-cop? No, Charlie wasn't even worthy enough to be Andy Griffith. The dude was Barney Fife.

"We're going to discuss this at length when I get back," she said quietly.

"Can't wait." I faked a smile. Of course, anything was better than her sex talk. If she wanted to talk to me about the dangers of associating with a werewolf with the temper of Attila the Hun and the claws of Freddie Kreuger, that was fine by me. It was better than a seminar on Gonorrhea and Herpes.

"Do me a favor and try not to get maimed again, okay?" Mom kissed my cheek before she walked out of the room.

I heard her ask Charlie if they could make a stop on the way.

"Sure," Charlie agreed.

I had a pretty good idea where my mother planned to stop. If Sam thought that _I_ was a bitch, I couldn't wait until he saw my mother when she was pissed. I wondered if he would tell her what was going on with the packs. Plural. God, it was nice not to be following Sam anymore.

I put away the laundry that mom had brought me. And then I went to find out where everyone in this house was hiding. I found Jacob and Seth in the kitchen…as always. They both glanced at me when I walked in the room. I still wasn't completely healed yet, but I was well enough to bruise Seth's arm for not changing the channel when I wanted him to the other day. I punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow." He didn't really sound hurt. I threw his underwear at his head. He shrugged and looked back at me. "If you _really_ wanted to do something malicious, you should have thrown _your_ underwear at me." Seth stuck his tongue out at me.

"Yours were girlier," I said without missing a beat.

He grinned, "You must be feeling better this morning."

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

"You're being violent again," Seth smiled.

I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table. Seth and Jacob were still watching me closely.

"God, would you two stop watching and waiting for me to fall over and die? It's not going to happen any time today," I frowned at them.

"How are you _really_ doing this morning?" Jacob asked curiously.

"Fine." It was still easier to bend the truth every time he asked me how I was feeling. I was still a bit weak, but I was improving, so that was good enough for me.

"Is that so?" Jacob didn't sound like he believed me. "Then why haven't you taken a shower?"

"What is it with you and wanting to see me naked all of the time?" I laughed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Seth cringe. He was having a tough time getting used to the fact that his best friend and his big sister were dating. And I was making it harder on him...because he was my brother and I loved to torture him.

"You haven't showered because you're still not completely healed," Jacob said.

Well, wasn't he Mr. Know-it-all?

"I didn't realize that you were monitoring my hygiene, too." I rolled my eyes.

"You're still hurting," he frowned. What did he expect? A werewolf had ripped into me two days ago.

"No, I just figured that I'd give the whole "naturalistic hippie" thing a shot," I grinned. "Just wait until I stop shaving…"

"Not all of the razors in the whole western hemisphere could keep that hair off of your body. You're a wolf. Hairy beast." Jacob smirked back at me.

"You will pay for that." I warned him. I accidentally bumped my stomach against the table and hissed out a groan.

Jacob's smile was gone now. "You're supposed to tell us if you're still in pain. Carlisle is more than willing to treat you."

"I don't need him to. I'm healing just fine on my own." That part wasn't a lie. Though I was still hurting, the wounds themselves looked significantly better. After my mom found out about my injuries this morning, I had rewrapped my stomach. And the roll gauze still kicked my ass. But I didn't bleed all over the place, and it looked like the wounds were starting to seal up.

Although I didn't want to admit it, Jacob was right about the reason I had yet to take a shower. My stomach was still very tender. I had tried to put an ice pack on it yesterday to help with the swelling and bruising, but the moment the cool pressure made contact with my skin, I nearly leaped through the roof. I needed to heal a bit more before I was ready to brave a shower.

Jacob and Seth were still staring at me. I took a bite of cereal and tried to ignore them. But ignoring them was hard to do. I could feel them staring at me.

"Please, Leah?" Jacob put his hand on top of mine. I looked at him impatiently. I didn't mind him touching me, but I didn't want him pleading with me to go to see someone about my already healing injuries.

"I'm healing fine." I wondered if I should tell Jacob that it wasn't the "vampire" thing that made me want to stay away from Carlisle. It was the "doctor" thing. I didn't like doctors. I didn't trust them.

"I'll leave you alone if you just go to Carlisle," Jacob promised.

"I don't _want_ you to leave me alone." I nearly dropped my spoon. I'd just said that out loud. I had just admitted to Jacob that I _liked_ having him around. Now he was _never_ going to leave me alone. _Oh, shit. Way to go, bigmouth._

A smile formed across Jacob's face. "I knew it."

Seth grunted irritably from across the table and rolled his eyes. "Get a room," he mumbled.

"How about yours?" I smirked at my brother. "You still have those Star Wars sheets?"

"I. Hate. You," Seth wailed. He ran out of the kitchen dramatically. "No one in this house respects my things!" Wow, he screamed like a little girl. His tantrums always made me laugh.

"Nicely done," Jacob chuckled. His smile quickly faded. "But just so you know, you're not going to get away with changing the subject that easily."

"What could the vampire do for me that I haven't already done?" I questioned. "The wounds are wrapped, I'm healing, and I've got pain medications just in case."

"Humor me." Jacob shrugged.

"Okay…a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Nun walk into a bar…" He _did_ say humor him.

"You know what I meant." He rolled his eyes.

"How about I meet you half way?" I questioned.

"I'm listening," Jacob nodded.

"I'll go to see Carlisle…" I saw him starting to get excited, so I quickly finished, "_If_…I start to feel lousy again." He didn't look happy, but he didn't look upset either. "I get that everyone is worried about me. But there's a lot going on. I'm sure Sam is just waiting for the vampires to slip up so he has a reason to attack them."

"That's bullshit." Jacob shook his head. "Sam's numbers are down. He's not going to attack the Cullens. Stop trying to find excuses."

"I'm not." I really wasn't. I was surprised that I actually didn't want anything to happen to those stupid vampires. I knew how much it would hurt Jacob if something happened to his leech friends. If I was going to love him, I guess I was going to have to love his damn friends, too. But I didn't have to be happy about it.

"Sam can't do anything to us if _we_ go over the border," Jacob said.

"Look, if I'm not improving, I'll let you take me to Dr. Lestat. Deal?" I chuckled in amusement when I thought of how that name might go over at the hospital that Carlisle worked at.

_"This woman is crashing! We need Doctor Lestat…LeSTAT!"_ It would be like watching a French version of _ER_.

Jacob seemed to be thinking it over.

"Come on, Jake. Take it or leave it." I shrugged.

"You'll tell me if you aren't improving?" he asked suspiciously. I nodded. "I'll know if you're lying to me." Jacob warned me.

"Then I guess I'll just have to be honest with you," I paused and then smiled. "Your hair looks like crap this morning. There. Honest enough?"

"Too mean." Jacob faked a frown.

"I'm just saying…you look like you have a drowned cat on your head."

Jacob laughed and leaned in towards me with a grin on his face. He spoke very quietly near my ear, "At least I don't smell like I haven't had a shower in three days." He pulled back with a wink and quickly leaped out of his chair playfully.

"I don't have to be close to you to cause you physical pain." I shrugged. I smiled as I picked up my empty glass and hurled it at him.

"Whoa…" He caught it right before it reached his head. He glanced at the empty glass. "Is this your subtle way of asking me for more to drink?"

"Sure. More ice this time."

He quickly filled my glass up with water and sat back down next to me. When he slid the glass over to me, I noticed a band-aid on the side of his hand…complete with pink flowers and puke-worthy kitty cats.

"That's a mean looking Hello Kitty Band-aid you've got there," I laughed. "Did you get in a bar brawl with some roughnecks?" I teased him.

"Ah, yeah. I forgot about that." Jacob looked at the cute kitties. "Quil dropped by with Claire earlier. She had a box of these and a sheet of Dora the Explorer stickers." He peeled the Band-aid off. He looked at it. He lifted my shirt softly and exposed my bandages. He gently put the Band-aid on top of the bandages. "I think you need this more than me."

"Wow, you must have gone through years of med school. That's some impressive doctoring." I couldn't help but laugh at the cute oaf. "All hail the Japanese kitty. The little pink pussy cures everything!" I shouted jokingly. It wasn't until after I shouted it that I realized how horribly wrong others might take that. I couldn't stop laughing.

"It's good to see you actually smiling again," Jacob admitted. He leaned closer to me and cupped my face in his hands. He pulled my face to meet his and gave me a quick, sweet kiss. I figured that he was probably being gentle with me since I was still healing.

He ran his index finger across my lips and I surprised him when I took the tip of his finger gingerly in my mouth.

"Leah, are you…"

Before he could say another word, I ran my teeth along the tip of his finger and I bit down forcefully. Jacob pulled his finger back in shock.

"You…you bit me," he frowned.

"As you so kindly pointed out two seconds ago, I _am_ a wolf," I explained. "That was for the 'hairy beast' thing." If he thought _that_ was bad, he was in for a rude awakening. I had some fun, torturous things planned for him to get back at him for all of his snide little comments the past few days. Just because I was injured didn't mean that I wasn't going to fight back.

"So, I'm attracted to a hairy woman. Nothing wrong with that." Jacob leaned so close to me that we were nose to nose.

I put my hand on the back of his neck and traced my fingers down his spine. I found the back of his shirt and started tugging on it. As his eyes burned curiously through mine, I made my move. I grabbed my water from the table and poured the icy drink down his back.

"Holy shit!" He leaped up, startled by the sudden cold water dripping down his back.

"And that's for the shower remark," I smirked at him.

"Ahh…cold, cold, cold!" He shook the ice from inside his shirt. The ice had all pretty much melted the moment it came into contact with his skin. "Jesus, Leah. Warn a guy next time."

"Got anything else you want to make fun of today?" I asked. "There are a lot of different ways to torture you."

He looked at his finger and shook his head. I hadn't bitten him hard, but I saw him observing the fading teeth marks.

"Aw, do you want your Band-aid back?" I laughed.

"I am in love with a crazy person," he muttered.

I wasn't going to make it easy for him. I knew how much he cared about me. I cared about him, too...as much as I hated to admit it. Caring about someone was hard for me. Because there had never been a situation in my life that didn't end badly for me. But Jacob had done a lot for me these past couple of days. He took care of me while somehow letting me still be me. I was willing to give it a shot. It's not like love was any more terrifying than death…


	30. My mom and her stupid oven

**Chapter 30:**

**My mom and her stupid oven**

I was surprised at how quickly things got back to normal around my household. But the more things change, the more they seem to stay the same. I'd heard that damn quote a thousand times and I still had no clue who originally said it. _Mark Twain?_ Nah. It didn't sound like something Twain had said. _Shakespeare_? No, not girly enough. _Maybe it was the Beatles_? Thinking about it, it _did_ sound like something someone tripping on drugs might say.

_"Dude…the walls are changing…but…they aren't moving, so they're staying the same. Things are changing…but they're staying the same!"_

_"That would make a kick-ass song…"_

_"Nah, I'm already writing one about LSD…"_

Well - whoever said it was right. With as much that had happened to me lately things seemed to stay relatively normal at my house. Seth and I continued to fight over the bathroom in the morning, only now we had to fight Jacob for it as well. He might as well start paying rent because he hadn't left the house since the vampire attacked me.

Jacob and I continued to pester each other over the next two days. I told him that I didn't want to become one of those couples that got all mushy and shit. He then jokingly called me "Pookie" and ran away from me. Boys could be so stupid. When he came back in the room and sat down next to me I punched him in the stomach and warned him that the next time he did that I was going to aim a little lower and punch a little harder. He then proceeded to say the sweetest most agreeable thing I'd ever heard him say.

"That's fine. I don't want to have kids anyway."

He _must_ want to stay with me forever if he was willing to give up having a bunch of hyper little miniature Jacobs running around. As much as it sucked that I couldn't have kids, I knew that whoever I ended up with was going to suffer through that with me. Without even saying anything remotely deep Jacob had just told me that he loved me so much that he didn't care about the fact that I couldn't have children.

"What are you staring at?" He'd noticed that I'd shut up fairly quickly.

"I'm just trying to figure out who the hell you are." I'd laughed in confusion.

I don't know how it was possible to be so annoyed by someone, yet still care about them so much. There were two sides to Jacob Black. First, there was the average impulsive teenage boy that still found fart jokes funny. And then there was the kinder, selfless, softer spoken guy I had a feeling that no one else had really met.

As much as I hated to admit it I kind of missed the little devil. He was off running an errand of some kind. I didn't care enough to ask what it was. I was just looking forward to getting a little time to myself so I could breathe a bit. But he'd been gone half the day. I was starting to get curious as to where he was.

I walked into the kitchen and found mom preparing a bunch of food. She had enough junk to feed the entire town of La Push. No way this dinner was just for me and Seth…not that the human garbage disposal that was my brother couldn't polish off every last bite.

"Wow, what's with the Martha Stewart act?"

"Oh, Leah, I'm glad you're here. Would you grab the rolls out of the oven?"

"Okay, when did _I_ become Martha Stewart's assistant?" I took a potholder and grabbed the freshly baked bread from the oven.

I smiled to myself thinking of a time right after I'd become a werewolf that I freaked Rachel out. She was home visiting and it was before Paul imprinted on her, so she had no idea about the werewolf thing. She and I were visiting and waiting for our food to cook one evening. Unfortunately, it happened to be the anniversary of the day that Sam broke up with me. I had decided that I would try and numb the pain with a little help from my friends _Mary_ and _Jane_.

Well, Mary Jane and her husband Jack Daniels numbed the pain to the point that I didn't even feel it when I took the pan out of the oven without an oven mitt. Rachel had been watching the whole thing, and she _freaked_. She leaped up and started talking about third degree burns and we needed to get me to a hospital and other hysterical screams that were just very loud and screechy. But by the time she could calm herself down enough to actually take a look at my hand the burn was virtually a scar.

"How…I saw…but…" Rachel had stuttered out.

"And for my next magic trick I'll be pulling a rabbit out of your ass." I'd laughed.

"How…did you do that? The pan is scalding…" She'd seen the steam rising off of the hot metal.

"I. Am. A. Werewolf," I'd said seriously. Then I let a grin break across my face.

Rachel looked at me curiously and cocked her head. "Tequila or Jack Daniels?" she had questioned. It took her long enough to figure out I wasn't sober. I guess Rebecca had inherited all of the brains in the family.

I'd had so much fun messing with Rachel that night. And by the end of the evening she knew how out of it I was, so she pretty much discarded everything I said. Which was probably a good thing…because I didn't remember most of it.

Mom took the oven mitt and the rolls from me. She put the rolls in a basket and put them on the table.

"Thank you, honey."

"Hey…something smells really good." Seth appeared in the kitchen. Food always had a way of bringing my brother around. Cooking in my house was like offering a straw and a line of coke to Kate Moss. _"Come and get it!"_

I glanced at him. Mom was going to put him to work, too. Maybe that was her plan. Lure us into the food with kitchen and then bombard us with work. She was a very crafty woman.

"What are you cooking?" Seth sniffed the air curiously.

"Run. Run while you still can," I whispered jokingly.

"Seth, I need you to do me a favor and take the garbage out. It smells like wet dog." Mom smiled at my brother.

"No mom, you've got it all wrong. Your son is the thing that smells like wet dog." I teased Seth.

She turned to me. "Help your brother with the trash."

_Would you like me to mow the lawn and clean the gutters while I'm at it?_ I had a feeling that my brother was thinking exactly the same thing as I was.

My mother noticed us looking at her in confusion, so she explained, "Charlie's coming over for dinner tonight."

That was typical. Who in this state _wasn't_ my mother feeding?

"Ah, is he staying for a nightcap, too?"

"What's a nightcap?" Seth asked with a frown on his face.

"It's what older people slyly call getting drunk and sleeping with one another…" I grinned at Seth. He was going to kill me for putting that image in his head. I laughed when I saw his face cringe in disgust.

"Ugh, Leah that's so gross. There's wrinkles _everywhere_," he whimpered. He curled his lip up in disgust.

Mom let out an irritated sigh and continued to prepare the kitchen for Charlie. Which was kind of redundant. Because one: he was a guy. All he knew was that kitchen equalled food. Like he saw anything besides the food on the table? And two: Charlie had been in our house dozens of times and Mom had never made us clean before. What was so special about tonight? I felt my teeth grinding together. If they announced to us that they were in love and going to get married, I might just blow a fuse. And if mom told me she was pregnant I was going to murder Charlie Swan's penis.

I quickly helped Seth lug out the garbage and then went back to helping mom in the kitchen. Seth frowned at me as he walked out of the kitchen to clean up the living room. He still had an uncomfortable mental image in his head. And I hadn't helped matters either when I asked him questions about our mother's boobs as we took the garbage out.

Mom turned to me as she grabbed some plates from the cabinet.

"I want you and your brother to be on your best behavior tonight."

"So…no throwing food at each other while we think you're not looking?" I questioned.

"I mean it, Leah." She frowned. "Charlie saw his daughter for the first time today. He hasn't seen her since…before." She grimaced at the thought of Bella as a vampire.

So _that's_ why tonight was different. Mom was trying to take Charlie's mind off of the fact that his daughter was a complete freak. I glanced at mom. She certainly had my attention now.

"Charlie knows about Bella?" When had this happened?

"Not everything." Mom shook her head. "But he knows that something is different. Jacob went with him today to go see her."

I wonder whose idea that was. Jacob had been on Bella's case about making things right with her father. He couldn't stand to see Charlie being so torn. So he'd been pressuring her to talk to him. But the fact that she actually spent time with him without eating him was a giant surprise to me. I'd heard all of the stories about newborn vampires and how hard it was for them to control themselves, especially around people with blood flowing through their veins. Was Bella too stupid to know what a newborn vampire was _supposed_ to be like?

"So, am I to assume that this means the vampires are staying?" Mom asked quietly.

"Unfortunately." I frowned. _I'd be throwing a big ass party if they weren't._

She thought for a moment and then let out a sigh. "I suppose it will be nice for Charlie to have a relationship with his daughter." She glanced at me and smiled. "I wonder what _that's_ like…"

"What are you talking about? We have a great relationship."

"You never tell me anything." She motioned to my stomach.

"Because you just lecture me if I do!" I laughed.

"I'm your mother." She reminded me.

"Which is exactly why I don't tell you anything." I grinned at her. "And it's not like you're volunteering information to me. You didn't tell me that Charlie was going into vampire territory."

"I didn't see the need." Mom shrugged as she chopped something on the cutting board.

"Are you really comfortable with your boyfriend hanging out with vampires?"

"Bella is his daughter," she said uneasily through her teeth.

Yeah, she was. The poor guy. "I wonder who he pissed off to get that crappy of a bargain."

"Parents love their children despite their flaws." She put her hand on my face and winked at me.

I didn't miss the fact that she didn't correct me when I called Charlie her boyfriend.

I sat down and let out a sigh, "Charlie Swan, mom? Really?"

"I'm not trying to replace your father, Leah." She assured me. "Charlie has been very kind to me following your dad's death."

She had a point. Charlie and Billy both were there for my family after my dad died. But I still had a hard time understanding how my mother could move on so quickly after losing my dad. I don't think she could ever love anyone as much as she loved him. But perhaps Charlie made her feel a little bit less lonely. I shook my head. It still felt like she was cheating on my dead dad.

"It's important for me to help him through this," Mom said. "He thought he was going to lose his daughter."

I still couldn't believe that Bella was willing to do that to her father. I may be a bitch, but given the choice between my parents and anything else…my parents were going to win every time.

"He seemed to be in shock when I spoke to him on the phone earlier. He spent the day with Bella."

"How did it go?"

"Pretty good, actually..." I heard Charlie's voice behind us. When the hell had he snuck in? How had my werewolf ears missed _that_? I saw Jacob standing beside him. "...considering that my daughter's best friend is a giant wolf."

Jacob had told him about us? I laughed sarcastically. Maybe he should just should just call the local news station and have them do a story about us.

_"Hey, let's go on Oprah and talk about the struggles of being a wolf. Oprah, girl, you won't believe it! I have so many fleas!"_

I guess Jacob wasn't going to be as strict with the whole "secrecy" thing as Sam. I wonder why he'd told Charlie about us. It's not like it was going to make his transition into the supernatural world any easier. If anything, it might make him want to run the other way. Maybe that was his plan. Make Charlie so weary of us that he ran right into Bella's cold dead arms.

"And I thought things were weird two days ago when you slapped Sam." Charlie shook his head and laughed nervously. I looked at my mother in surprise. She'd hit Sam, too? He was becoming the town's resident punching bag. And I couldn't be happier about that.

"Mom?" I looked for an explanation. I don't know why I was asking her to explain. Mom had always been protective of me and Seth. And since my dad died she was even more aggressive about protecting us.

I just wish I could have seen Sam's face when she clocked him. I'm sure he saw it coming. Mom had probably told him that if he ever hurt me again she would put him six feet under.

"Where do you think you get your temper from, dear?" She smiled at me.

"Sue…you're not…" Charlie stuttered. "I mean, you don't…"

"Turn into a giant she-wolf?" I finished Charlie's statement for him. "No. I'm the only freak of nature in here." I paused. "So you can forget about doing it doggy style with my mother." I couldn't help my smart mouth.

"Leah!" Mom snapped at me.

Charlie seemed to be taking in the atmosphere in the room. He looked nervous. I laughed darkly.

"Oh, relax Charlie. I don't bite…"

"Yes, she does." Jacob walked over next to me.

I glared at him. _Why don't you just tell my mother that we're boinking under her roof?_ I had still yet to say anything to my mother about mine and Jacob's odd relationship. Though she probably already knew. She _always_ knew.

I glanced at Charlie. So, now he knew that we were all a bunch of weirdos.

"Dinner isn't ready just yet…" Mom explained to Charlie.

Charlie looked around the kitchen nervously. "I would offer to help, but…"

"You've been through a lot. I understand." Mom smiled.

"No, it's not that. It's just that…you don't want me near food. I can't even make toast." Charlie laughed.

Jacob and I slipped into the living room so we wouldn't have to watch the old people love.

"So, that's where you were today?"

"Don't be jealous, Leah." Jacob smiled. "You're the only girl I want to be with."

"Stop the romance crap. It isn't funny anymore." I frowned, but then I couldn't help but smile like an idiot.

He reached his hand out to me like he was going to take mine, but instead he handed me something.

"I got you something stronger for pain." Jacob handed me a vial of pills. I glanced down at the prescription. He shrugged. "See? I didn't go there just for Charlie and Bella."

"Ah, so that was your evil plan? Lure Charlie there just so you'd have an excuse to get me some better drugs?"

"Genius, right?" he asked, obviously proud of himself.

"I think you just wanted the drugs for yourself." I laughed. "Come on, admit it. You're going to steal them, take half of them, and then sell the other half."

"Yes, as it is my lifelong ambition to be a drug dealer." Jacob rolled his eyes.

"I appreciate the thought, but I don't need it," I said. "It barely even stings anymore. The cuts are almost healed up completely." I put the bottle of pills down.

"Carlisle says that your internal organs are going to take longer to heal." He put his hand on my stomach and put gentle pressure over my wounds. It didn't hurt nearly as much as it had two days ago, but I could feel a deep numb pain. "I know you're still hurting…"

"That's because you're shoving your hand into it." I pushed him away.

"You told me you'd go to Carlisle…"

"Yes, if I _wasn't_ improving." I reminded him. Which I was. The wounds were healing and the pain was subsiding.

"I can tell that you're still uncomfortable."

"It's not so bad," I said honestly. "It's usually worse at night."

"I know." Jacob nodded. "Some of the cuss words you say in your sleep are pretty damn funny." He admitted. "Wait a second." He cocked his head at me. "Were you actually just honest with me?"

"You told me you wanted honesty," I shrugged.

"Yeah, but I didn't actually expect you to tell me the truth! I'm impressed." He chuckled.

"Well, if you're going to start bringing me drugs every time I'm honest with you I'll start telling the truth more often."

He laughed harder.

There was a light knock at the front door and Embry and Quil pushed their way in.

"Hey man, we knew we'd find you here." Quil waved at Jacob.

"What's up?" Jacob asked.

"We just wanted to know how it went. With Charlie?" Embry asked curiously.

"Did you tell _everyone_ but me?" I gave Jacob an annoyed look.

"I knew you'd just yell at me and call me an idiot." Jacob shrugged.

"Well, you _are_ an idiot. Why the hell would you tell Charlie Swan about us?" I asked. I laughed. "And you tell me that _I'm_ insane…"

"It slipped out."

"Yeah, right." I rolled my eyes. "How do you _accidentally_ say 'Oh, by the way I chase squirrels in my free time?' Did you just walk up to him with a squeaky toy in your mouth?" I asked. "Or maybe a ball?"

"He borrowed the idea from you. After all, you walk around all the time with a mouth full of balls…" Quil grinned.

"At least I'm not a pedophile." I grinned back at him.

I saw Quil fuming. I had won this round. Of course, he was probably going to bash the hell out of me later.

"God, Leah. No wonder you get the crap beat out of you all the time." Jacob shook his head. "Do you _ever_ think about what you're saying?"

"This coming from the guy who just spilled his guts to the vampire's father?" I asked.

"Jake's not the only one spilling guts around here lately." Embry smiled softly. "How have you been doing?" he asked sincerely.

"Nice segway. How long have you been waiting to say _that_?" I laughed at Embry. "I'm almost healed." I answered his question.

"Liar." Jacob shook his head. He glanced at Embry and Quil. "She called Sam a cocksmoker in her sleep last night."

"I'm telling you_—_the pain is much better. What do I have to do to prove that to you? Run a marathon?" I questioned. I just couldn't get it through Jacob's head that I was doing better. He was such an alarmist. I had never known a werewolf to be so overly cautious and concerned. "You are a neurotic dog…"

"Stubborn idiot." He quipped back.

"Oh, I feel the love in this room," Quil said sarcastically.

"Better puppy love than two old dogs humping." I glanced in the kitchen to where Charlie was probably trying to seduce my mother. "As if Charlie wasn't _already_ clinging to my mother. Now you've given them something else in common."

I could hear the conversation between the two of them now.

_"My daughter is a pale monster…"_

_"Mine's a dog."_

_"Wanna make out?"_

_"Sure. Okay."_

"I didn't intend to tell him about the wolves. He was really anxious about seeing Bella. Even though she didn't tell him what she was he knew that something was really different about her. He could pick it up from her voice on the phone…" So, the bitch was a bad actress even over the phone. And the Oscar _doesn't_ go to...

Jacob continued, "Charlie needed to know that he wasn't dealing with something from his world. And I wanted to show him that not everything about our world is bad," he explained.

"So...you told him that you morphed into a werewolf? Because telling someone that you're a monster isn't going to scare them at all..."

"I just threw my clothes off and phased."

"What?" I exclaimed.

"Yeah. He was actually pretty cool about it…except the naked part freaked him out a little."

"It does me, too." I teased him. "You phased?"

"Yeah."

"In front of Charlie?" I paused to think. "Are you insane? You could have given him a heart attack!" Just because the man was annoyingly pining after my mother didn't mean that I'd want to see him suffer the same fate that my father had.

"Look who's being all neurotic now." Jacob laughed at me.

Mom stuck her head in the living room and saw that Quil and Embry were here.

"I thought I heard you two." Mom was used to Quil and Embry stopping by. Seth spent virtually his entire life with Jacob, Quil, and Embry. They were so close that I was waiting for the four of them to have a freaking orgy.

"We just smelled the wonderful aroma of your cooking." Quil waved politely to my mother.

"Yeah. And we just wanted to stop by to compliment you on your fantastic culinary skills." Embry added.

"Boys, would you like to stay for dinner?" Mom offered.

"If you insist." Quil smiled.

Great. Now not only was Charlie Swan in my kitchen, but Beavis and Butthead were going to be joining us for dinner as well. Quil and Embry disappeared into the kitchen to help my mother set the table. I just sighed and shook my head.

Jacob took my hand. "What's the matter?" He noticed the frown on my face. "Does your stomach hurt?"

"No." I looked in the kitchen at Quil and Embry. "The pain is in my ass now."

He followed my gaze to the boys and started to laugh.

"Aw, do you want me to kiss it and make it better?" he asked through his laughter.

I nearly doubled over in laughter, too. Nothing would cause me more pleasure than having Jacob Black kiss my ass.

"Nah, I'd prefer a gentle massage." I winked suggestively at him.

He nearly choked on his tongue. Well, dinner was going to suck, but at least I had that picture of Jacob's face in my head to make me laugh. Shocking him was always fun. He really did make the cutest "huh? I'm a dumbass" face.


	31. Let me tell you how I really feel

**Chapter 31:**

**Let me tell you how I really feel**

I thought that with Charlie's long day, he would have been quiet at dinner. But he just chattered on like a big moron. I think most of it was about some fishing trip that he had planned with Billy in a few days. I got the feeling that he was just trying to avoid the subject that he knew we were all wondering about. In fact, it took him almost half an hour to let her name slip.

"I was telling Bella today about this new fishing rod I got. The pole is about a foot longer than my other one…" He paused and then laughed softly.

"And?" Mom questioned.

I think she was the only one actually paying attention. The boys were too busy inhaling their food and I was too busy ignoring them all.

I noticed that Charlie was still in thought. Was he off in some weird daydream land? Maybe he needed a little enticing to finish his boring story.

"You were saying something about a _rod_ and a _pole_?" I snickered out in a suggestive tone. The boys' immature minds quickly picked up on my tone when I said the words _rod_ and _pole_. Every single one of them snapped their heads up to attention.

Suddenly, Charlie was the center of attention. Everyone wanted to hear what his story was originally about. Because it involved two words that for some reason…boys found hysterically funny. Even though I had been sharing their thoughts for quite some time now, I don't think that I would ever understand the male mind, especially the teenage male mind.

"Charlie?" Mom asked.

"Sorry, I got distracted." Charlie shook his head.

Great. A cop with a short attention span. I sure as hell wouldn't want him protecting our town.

_"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do…oh, look at the puppy. I mean…uh…great, where was I?"_

_"Anything you say or do…"_

_"Right. Anything you say or do can be…what am I arresting you for again?"_

_"Stealing your car?"_

_"You know, I need to replace the alternator in that thing. The department has been making cutbacks and I've just been preoccupied with that. Wait, what was I just saying? Ah, never mind. Consider this a warning. Get out of here you goofy little bastard…"_

Having this Rent-a-cop sitting here in my house was making me feel _so_ secure.

"I was just thinking about Bella."

I grumbled as I shoved some food in my mouth. Hearing her name just made me want to punch something. It was annoying enough when I heard Jacob talk about her. Now I had to listen to her damn dad gush about her, too?

"I just can't get over how much she's changed." He shook his head. I saw him drifting off again, but this time there was a hint of confusion on his face. "And then there's Renesmee. She's such a beautiful child."

I glanced at Jacob. I had forgotten about Nessie. What did they tell him about the demon child that looked exactly like his daughter and the girly Elvis Presley vampire?

_"By the way dad, you're a grandfather now. Because I don't know how to keep my legs closed. And apparently Edward's spunk is still swimming in that frozen pool down there…"_

"When she told me that she and Edward were thinking of adopting his orphaned niece, I was astonished."

_HA! HA! What a load of crap!_ I laughed loudly to myself. Interesting lie they had gone with. I wonder why Bella didn't want her father to know that Nessie was her kid. Maybe she was worried he would think she was a slut. I continued to snicker to myself.

"That baby is amazing," Charlie nodded.

Great, he was under the thrall of the bouncy baby idiot, too. I was not above admitting that there was something charming about her, but I wasn't about to fall under her hypnotic little "I'm the cutest, coolest baby in the world" spell.

But, I was kind of glad that we stopped Sam from killing her. Because even though she was the product of two morons mating, she was still a child with a beating heart. And as much as I hated Bella, I would feel bad if she lost her kid. Apparently, there was nothing stronger than the bond between a mother and her child. Something _I_ would never get to experience. Because I was a wolf. Thanks to the vampires. And the repeat cycle of "I hate Bella" was starting in my head all over again.

I sighed. _This damn rerun again?_ I was sick of the "Bella sucks" show. I would have racked my brain for a better show, but I became entertained when I imagined Bella squirming uncomfortably while her father asked her questions.

"How did Bella seem?" Mom tried to stay interested in his conversation.

"Very…different," Charlie sighed. "But I suppose I can get used to it. I know it might sound silly, but I feel wonderful that she let me in on her new life instead of just running away." Even though he didn't say anything out loud, I knew that he was thinking about his ex-wife. He figured that Bella would just run off like her mother did. "I'm glad she stayed for me."

I laughed. He had no idea how close the vampire whore had come to running the other way. What. A. Coward.

"You're welcome, Charlie," Jacob grinned. He was still so proud of himself for convincing Bella to stay for Charlie. "And the Cullens aren't so bad once you get used to them."

I don't know why, but Jacob and Seth felt the need to go through and list the entire family's wonderful attributes. I felt like I was sitting through a damn vampire awards show. I was just waiting for the annoying Oscar music to start playing to rush their speeches along.

"Carlisle and Esme are the most generous couple I've ever met," Jacob smiled sincerely. Just the fact that he was being sincere made me want to throw up.

_Ward and June Cleaver,_ I said dryly in thought. Jacob praised Carlisle and Esme on their freakishly giving nature.

"Yeah, and Emmett is a riot." Seth was also eager to compliment the leeches.

_Typical dumb jock._

I played with my food as Seth chuckled about something stupid the brainless comedian had said. I couldn't argue with Seth, though. Emmett's idiocy could actually be quite humorous.

"Jasper's pretty cool to hang out with, too," Jacob nodded.

_Walking pharmacy._

Jacob went on about how empathetic Jasper was. Freaking _duh_! That's what empaths _do._

"The girls are entertaining," Seth said. "Alice is great at chess. Sometimes she even lets me win."

_Spazzoid control freak._

This time, it was Charlie doing the complimenting. It's like Alice was the daughter he'd never had. He gushed about how good of a friend that Alice was to Bella. I was thankful when Jacob interrupted him and tried to find a good quality about Rosalie. He couldn't find a specific compliment about her, so he stayed pretty generic.

"Yeah, even Blondie has her moments." Jacob didn't sound like he really cared about Rosalie as much as the others.

_Grumpy Marilyn Monroe wannabe._

Ironically, I didn't hate her as much as I hated some of the others. I appreciated her callousness. At least she was honest.

"Just wait until you get to know Nessie. You'll love her, too," Seth smiled.

_Vampire pussy fruit._ Nessie was the biggest freak of them all. I saw my mother shift uncomfortably in her chair. It looked like she was just as thrilled as I was about Seth's friendship with the leeches.

"You know Ms. C, besides you, Esme makes the best meals I've ever had." Jacob quickly threw in that he loved my mom's cooking to try and occupy her mind with something other than the fact that her baby boy hung out with vampires in his spare time. "You two should swap recipes sometime. She's always cooking something."

"Oh?" Charlie asked curiously.

I looked at Charlie and laughed. I couldn't resist.

"Yeah, just wait until they _have_ you for dinner." Emphasis on the word "have"_—_as in _eat_. My mother glared her "mother" glare at me. I grumbled. I was really sick of behaving myself so I wouldn't embarrass my mother in front of her new boyfriend. Plus, that remark had gone right over Charlie's head anyway.

"Well, at least Bella's happy," Seth chimed in. "That should account for something." Why did my brother care about _everyone_? He annoyed me sometimes.

"Yeah. She and Edward _deserve_ each other…" I snickered sarcastically. _Because they're both clueless morons._ My mom glared at me again.

Charlie completely missed my sarcasm. Wow, I was going to start calling him Gomer Pyle.

"Everyone seems to be pairing off," Quil nodded. "I think it's great. Everyone's dating. You and Miss C, Jacob and Leah…"

Mom glanced at me and Jacob with a surprised expression on her face.

"Oh, you didn't know?" Quil questioned. He looked at me and chuckled nervously. "Crap. You're gonna kill me, aren't you?"

I didn't answer his question. I was too busy smiling at a tombstone in my head. _Here lies Quil Ateara and his big mouth. His last words were "Oh God, my throat. You've ripped a hole in my throat!"_

I don't remember much of the dinner after that. I spent the rest of the evening thinking of ways to injure Quil. Mom didn't ask me or Jacob any questions, but she kept glancing at us, as if to say, _"I knew it!"_

I got really lucky when Charlie reminded Mom that tonight was movie night. Apparently, Billy had rented something that she really wanted to see, so the two of them journeyed over to the Black's house right after dinner.

"That was lucky." I laughed. I had gotten out of talking with my mom tonight. She would probably fall asleep during the previews. Hell, all of those old timers wouldn't even make it through the first fifteen minutes of the movie.

"Yeah. I know dad's just been dying to show off his new sound system. He and Charlie wired the thing themselves. I'm surprised my house hasn't blown up," Jacob chuckled.

Embry and Seth glanced at Jacob and Quil. "We're going to Embry's to play some X-Box. Wanna come?"

"No. I promised Claire I'd watch Cinderella with her tonight." Quil stood up and yawned.

"Cinderella?" I laughed. "You are a total fairy."

"Don't diss the fairies, Leah," Quil said seriously. "That Fairy Godmother kicks ass."

"Whatever. You're blowing us off to watch singing mice. There's something wrong with you," Seth laughed. "Jake? How about you. Are you in?"

"How about we just skip ahead to the part where I kick both your asses and watch you cry like little girls and throw the controllers at the TV?"

"So, that's a 'no?'" Embry asked.

I knew exactly what was on Jacob's mind. He knew that with my mom gone, and the boys playing their mindless video games, that would leave my house empty. I know he had been dying to spend some time with me_—_though I still wasn't sure why. I wasn't always nice to him. But he still cared about me.

"If you change your mind, I've got the new Grand Theft Auto game." Embry tried to tempt him. I saw Jacob actually think about it for a minute.

_If you blow me off to go steal imaginary cars, I will hurt you…_ I was curious to know if my thought registered in his mind. Had he been able to read the expression on my face?

I had to wonder…why did I care so much about what he did in his free time? Hadn't I spent the past week trying to get him out of my house? I sighed. I couldn't believe that I actually wanted to spend time with him.

"Come on. The graphics are killer," Embry grinned. "It's a total rush…"

Jacob looked at me and then back to Seth and Embry. He shook his head.

"If I want a rush, I'll just say something sweet to Leah and then try to avoid her fists." Jacob winked at me.

I didn't have anything to worry about. Apparently Jacob would rather spend time with me than beat up hookers and steal cars in some crazy ass video game that I wasn't even going to pretend to understand.

After we finished cleaning the kitchen, Jacob and I went into the living room and turned on the TV.

"Have fun." Jacob waved as the guys left.

Seth glared at us as he was following Quil out. "Stay out of my room," he hissed.

I waited until he'd shut the door and barked out a laugh.

"We should go move some of his things around just to mess with his head," I grinned devilishly.

"You love to mess with him, don't you?" Jacob put his arm around my shoulder. He brushed his fingers against my cheek and then let his hand come to rest on my shoulder.

"Checking my temperature again?" I asked jokingly.

"Nope." Jacob leaned back comfortably. I was still always surprised at how affectionate he could be. "Although, would you get pissed if I asked how you were feeling?"

"Probably. But I'm sure I'd get over it fairly fast considering you'd probably go and say something sweet to make me forgive you."

He took his free hand and lifted up my shirt to observe my wounds. They were mostly healed. Considering the extent of the injuries, my wounds looked pretty damn good. I was still sore as hell, but considering how much pain I had been in two days ago, I was feeling well enough to climb a mountain now.

Jacob's warm hand didn't stay on my belly for long. I felt his rough thumb trace across one of the scars. He let out a low grumble and I felt his hands tense up.

He shook his head and muttered, "I should have murdered Sam."

"What good would it have done?" Normally, I would be the first person to jump on the "let's murder Sam Uley" bandwagon, but I didn't see anything logical about killing Sam _after_ he'd already maimed me.

"I don't know. But he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it." Jacob bared his teeth.

"I thought that you fought all of your issues out." I was confused.

"Yeah, but I still think he got off easy," Jacob admitted. "What he did to you was completely irresponsible, reckless, and dangerous."

"You just described about half of our pack," I said. "Throw in the adjectives 'horny' and 'immature' and we can definitely say that's our pack." I laughed. It was still a little weird referring to Jacob's renegade pack as a different pack than Sam's shitty assholes. I wasn't used to the whole two different packs thing. I hadn't phased yet, but the boys had. Seth said it was awesome. He liked not having to deal with Sam. And Quil and Embry were stoked that Paul wasn't around to annoy the shit out of them. And as for Jacob, he seemed oddly dignified about the whole thing. I couldn't believe how mature he had managed to be with everyone.

I knew how much he didn't want to lead a pack, but in my opinion, I thought he was doing a hell of a lot better than Sam had ever done.

"You know, you're doing a really good thing, Jacob. It was really cool of you to offer the other guys a way out." I didn't dole out compliments very often. It was very hard for me to say anything kind because I was so angry about life in general. But I figured Jacob deserved a little bit of praise.

"Yeah, well…they have you to thank for that," Jacob said. "I probably would have never pulled away if it weren't for you. I didn't want you to have to deal with him anymore."

That was the kindest thing anyone had ever done for me. I was shocked. How were people supposed to react when someone does something nice for them? It'd been so long since anyone had considered my feelings that I'd forgotten what to say.

"When he went after you, I knew I had to do _something_," he explained.

Still didn't know what to say. My brain kicked on. _How about "Thank you?"_ No, too generic. Maybe I could just show him how I felt with actions. Actions spoke louder than words. And my hormones were going to be _screaming_ at him.

I sat up and put my arms around his neck. As our lips moved in synchronization, his hands were quick to start exploring my body. Both of our hearts started racing and I couldn't help but smile. _Whose heart is fluttering NOW?_

As outspoken and aggressive as Jacob could be, he was very delicate when it came to his passion. Which was odd, because if I recalled correctly he had been pretty damn aggressive with Bella when he kissed her. _God damn it_. Now I was thinking about that little freak while making out with Jacob.

Oh well, I suppose it was better than the time I was thinking about Quil's dick when Jacob and I had made out on the cliff. That still cracked me up, though. _Jack Mehoff. _Genius._  
_

"I forgot my…" Seth let out a groan when he walked in on us. "Aw, come on guys. We haven't even been gone for five minutes!" he complained.

"Well, get lost so we can go make out in your room," I grinned at my brother.

He huffed and puffed as he grabbed whatever it was that he'd forgotten and then walked out of the house angrily.

Jacob smiled at me, "You really want to use his room?"

"God, no. It looks like George Lucas had an orgasm in there. I don't think I can tongue you with a bunch of Seth's little dolls judging me." Not without alcohol. Seth's room was filled with all kinds of science fiction junk. And he wondered why I teased the hell out of him all of the time.

Jacob chuckled and pulled me into his lap. His lips softly trailed up my neck. It didn't take long for him to find my mouth again and he pushed against me eagerly. I pushed back. As our bodies arched into each other, I could feel his stomach pressing into mine. And though the gashes on my stomach were healed, it was still tender. I tensed up, but didn't pull away. Unfortunately, he must have sensed my resistance because he broke up our kiss and glanced at me. Fuck. Sam Uley was _still_ ruining my life. If he hadn't sliced me open, I wouldn't be tender. I had to remember to kill him the next time I saw him.

"Tired already, Big Dog?" I laughed.

He didn't say anything as he hugged me. I had never been one to cuddle, but I didn't feel nearly as uncomfortable in his arms as I thought I would. He kissed the top of my head.

"You showered," Jacob smiled. "Your hair smells like coconut."

I shot him a confused look. He looked embarrassed and I probably hadn't helped matters any by laughing at him.

"You are a freak," I grinned.

"So are you. That's why we fit," Jacob shrugged.

"If it makes you feel any better…the first time we made out, I thought you smelled like mangos." Okay, when had I lost all control of my thoughts? I never intended to tell him that. I don't know why I'd blurted that out. I felt my blood boiling up in my cheeks and Jacob let out a deep, throaty laugh.

"Why, Leah Clearwater…are you _blushing_?"

"Shut up." I shoved him roughly.

He winked at me. "I accidentally used Rachel's mango body scrub." _That_ explained it.

"Sure. _Accidentally._" I rolled my eyes. I let out a yawn.

"Aw, am I boring you?" Jacob asked.

"You? Boring?" I scoffed. "_Never_. If anything, you keep me guessing…"

He shifted his weight from under me and put his feet up on the couch, laying down with me on top of him.

I laughed, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Guess," he chuckled.

I looked at him and I could see just how tired he was. He had been running himself ragged trying to take care of me. The moron hadn't been taking very good care of himself. And as much as I wanted to play a little more tonsil hockey with him, I knew that he needed his rest. So, I grumbled to myself as I curled into him comfortably and put my cheek against his neck.

"Most comfortable mattress ever," I said jokingly.

He laughed softly and he started mindfully strumming my hair.

"I am _so_ not a dog, Jacob," I frowned. "So don't pet my head like I'm your new puppy."

I'm not sure if he quit or not because I ended up falling asleep. I fell asleep with Jacob Black. How in the hell had that happened?

When I woke up, Jacob's arms were around my waist. I lifted my hand off of his chest and looked down at him. He was out. He looked so innocent when he slept. It was very misleading, because I knew that he was _anything_ but innocent.

I tried not to wake him as I pushed myself off of the couch. His grip on me tightened for a brief second, but I was able to get him to release me as I slipped my weight off of him. I'm not really sure how long we had been asleep. But with our body heat combined, I was burning up. I walked out on to my front porch for some air.

It was drizzling outside, but the rain felt really good against my scorching skin. I leaned against the railing as I thought about how I had come to be with Jacob. The circumstances were very odd. I never would have imagined the two of us together. I thought he hated me. Turns out the big lug actually loved me and just wasn't sure how to show it. Typical guy.

I still didn't understand how he could care about me so much after all of the years that I treated him like crap. Maybe I had just pushed him away because I didn't want to be hurt again.

I didn't spend very much time by myself. I heard the front door open behind me, and Jacob walked out on to the porch with me.

"Whatcha doing out here?" Jacob questioned.

"Trying to get away from your snoring." I teased him.

"You're the one that snores, remember?" He walked up behind me and took my hand.

I sighed.

"What's wrong?" he questioned.

"Why do you care about me, Jake?" I really was curious to know. Was it just because I'd died a week ago? Or had he actually loved me long before that?

"Because…I do."

"Well, that's a hell of an answer," I muttered sarcastically.

"You mean everything to me." He put a little more thought behind his answer this time.

"Aw, are you going to tell me that you couldn't live without me?" I joked. "Am I your world and everything in it?"

"I mean it. Tease me all you want. But I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you."

"You are a total girl." I leaned into him.

"Are we ever going to be able to talk about our relationship like a normal couple?" Jacob asked.

"Probably not," I said.

"You never hold back what you're feeling. What's keeping you from talking to me about this?"

I had been screwed so much in the past when I showed an ounce of vulnerability. When Sam broke up with me, I closed myself off to feeling anything even remotely close to love. Because it hurt so fucking bad every time I let someone in.

"I don't want to be one of those people who gives myself to someone so completely that I can't breathe without them." I pulled away from Jacob. "I already did that once. And I nearly suffocated."

"I'll be your oxygen tank." Jacob squeezed my hand.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," I laughed. That's why I loved Jacob. His clueless, weird vocalizations were really adorable. "Besides, if _you_ can't live without _me_, I'd say that makes me _your_ oxygen tank."

"You aren't kidding," he muttered. "When Sam attacked you, I thought I was going to lose you."

I thought back to the feelings that I'd felt coursing through Jacob as Sam jumped back to deliver his final blow. Through all of the chaos, I recalled hearing how terrified Jacob was. But instead of letting his fears consume him, he took the initiative and did what he had to do so he wouldn't lose me.

"Did I ever thank you for saving my ass?" I asked.

"It's an ass worth saving," he grinned. His smile softened and he glared at me sincerely. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"Thank you, Jacob." I couldn't remember if I had ever properly thanked him for keeping Sam from killing me. I started to feel like an ungrateful bitch.

"You don't have to thank me for caring about you."

"Damn you. Now I have to kiss you," I laughed.

I grabbed his face with my hands and gave him a quick kiss. He leaned in to lengthen it. The depth of our embrace made my hands tremble. I pulled away to catch my breath.

"God, your kisses kill me." My voice was shaky as I tried to slow my rapid breathing.

The light inside the house was illuminating Jacob's face. His smile faded and he put his hands against my face.

"Are you okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'd like to get through just _one_ day without someone asking me that." I walked a few steps towards the house. The rain had finally gotten me damp enough that I was no longer burning up. I walked in the house with Jacob right behind me. When he shut the door, the noise echoed in my head.

I took a few steps, but started to feel weak. My head started throbbing. "Ah, ow…"

Of course, my worried little dog was right beside me in an instant.

"I knew something was wrong," he frowned.

"I was feeling fine two seconds ago." I squeezed my eyes shut to try and dull the ache in my head. "Something isn't right." I grunted as I clutched my head in pain. I felt a warm liquid oozing from my nose. I touched my index finger to my face and looked at the blood.

"Leah…what's going on?" He looked at me with a mixture of confusion and concern.

My damp clothes started to feel heavy on my body. Though my skin was warm, my body felt cool. My vision started to get blurry and my face went numb.

"Jake, I'm…cold." I didn't understand why my body was cold when my normal body temperature was usually well over a hundred degrees. As I stumbled over my footing, I grabbed Jacob for support.

His face was the last thing I saw before everything got dark.


	32. Why can nothing work out in my life?

**Chapter 32:**

**Why can nothing work out in my life?**

**Jacob's point of view:**

There was something off about Leah's heart rate. It was faster than normal, even after she'd pulled away from our kiss. But she rolled her eyes and wrote me off as being overprotective.

When we walked into the house, she didn't look right. We hadn't even gotten through the front door and I heard her grumble in pain. I expected to spin around and see her holding her stomach…maybe clumsily having run into something. But when I saw her burying her face in her hands, I flew to her side.

_Damn it._ I freaking knew it.

"I knew something was wrong." Why hadn't I listened to my intuition a few minutes ago? Right, because I was an idiot.

"I was fine a few seconds ago." Leah sounded genuinely confused. I don't think that she was lying to me. She had been acting completely normal. Leah-like. Besides, she hadn't been cussing or holding her tongue in pain…up until now.

I put my hands on her arms as she pulled them away from her face. My heart started racing when I saw the blood. She ran her index finger below her nose as blood trickled down over her lips.

_What the hell?__ Okay, officially freaking out now._ But I tried to stay calm for her sake.

"Leah, what's going on?" I picked her chin up to observe her bloody nose.

She glanced at me with a blank look in her eyes. I watched the color fade from her face and she started to shiver.

"Jake, I'm…cold." She fell forward. I was there to catch her. Her eyes rolled back into her head.

"Shit. Leah?" I questioned. Was she sweating? Crap, this was not good. I ran my hand across her head. Her temperature was higher than normal. But her hands were freezing. How was it possible for her to be hot and cold at the same time? She was sweating, yet she was shivering. I rubbed my index finger against her cheek. "Hey, come on, wake up…" I did the only thing I could think of...I begged my ass off.

Leah was completely limp in my arms. Her heart was pounding loudly in her chest and she was breathing rapidly.

"Lee?" My voice was shaky. I lowered her to the ground softly. "No, no, no. Please don't do this. Not again." I moved her to the couch and then ran as fast as I could to the phone.

I grabbed the phone and dialed faster than my fingers wanted to allow. I had gotten half way through dialing the number when a thought occurred to me: how did I know the vampires' number by heart? Seth was usually the one dialing the phone. It's not like I was dialing Bella up every day to gossip about our lives. I'd dialed the number _maybe_ once or twice.

"God, I hope I'm dialing the right number," I frowned. It would be just my luck to call someone in Mexico. _"Help! My girlfriend is dying-o. Uh…uno! Por favor! Chihuahua."_ This might explain why I flunked out of Spanish…

I started to get impatient as the phone on the other end rang.

"Come on, pick up the damn phone already," I grumbled. I sat down on the edge of the couch next to Leah. She was starting to look really pale again. "Geeze, you people have billions of dollars. Couldn't you invest in a secretary to answer your phone calls or something?"

Alice was the one who answered. _Finally._

"Since I can't see anything, I'm going to assume it's you, Jacob Black." She sounded annoyed.

"I need to talk to Carlisle. _Now._" I didn't have time for hellos. Thankfully, Alice didn't give me hell. It's a good thing that Rosalie hadn't answered. She probably would have made me jump through hoops before giving me what I wanted. That blonde was a psychopath. I think she got off by torturing me. I sighed. I didn't have one woman in my life that _didn't_ torture me…

"Carlisle!" Alice called.

Thank God Carlisle was home. I think most of his shifts at the hospital were the two AM shifts, with the creepy drunks and all of the town's weirdest crazy people. That would be an entertaining job to have. I couldn't imagine some of the characters that came into that hospital after dark.

Carlisle was on the phone a split second later.

"Jacob, what is it? Alice said that you sounded upset."

She may as well have told her father that I was a hysterical woman.

"Something's wrong with Leah. She passed out and her heart rate is all over the place again. She's sweating and…her forehead is hot, but…well…she's cold. I don't know what to do." My words were spilling out faster than I thought humanly possible.

"Jacob, slow down," Carlisle said calmly. I guess he was used to talking to panicked people. I wouldn't do well if someone relied on me to keep them from panicking. I would probably end up smacking them and telling them to get a hold of themselves. Carlisle was so much more docile. He asked me the question again. "What happened?"

"I don't know. We were standing in the living room and then she just got really pale. Her nose started to bleed and she passed out. She's breathing really heavy. It's hard for her to catch her breath." I put my hand against Leah's chest, watching it rise and fall. Her heart thumped unsteadily under my palm.

"What do her wounds look like?" Carlisle questioned.

"Wounds?" I wasn't thinking clearly.

Carlisle was very patient with me as he explained to me what he meant.

"The lacerations on her abdomen." He was being a lot nicer to me than I was to myself. I felt like a fucking moron. I wanted to smack myself across the face and tell me to get a hold of my emotions. _Focus, Jacob! Stop being so freaking stupid!!_

I lifted Leah's shirt. Her stomach wasn't even wrapped anymore. She hadn't been lying to me. The wounds did look much better. I had seen that earlier. You could barely even see where Sam had clawed her. As annoyed as I was that she wouldn't go to a doctor, she'd actually taken very good care of herself. She'd kept the wounds cleaned and wrapped up until yesterday. And they looked great.

"They're almost completely healed." I ran my fingers across the scars. Leah's body tensed up underneath my touch. I curiously lifted my fingers from her skin and saw that her belly was still rigid. I pushed down on her stomach again and her muscles tightened. She groaned unconsciously. "Her stomach is really tense…"

"What does her color look like?" Carlisle questioned.

I could hear Leah's smart-ass remark to Carlisle's question in my head.

_"Why is it always about color with you? You racist vampire!"_

"Pale." _Really_ pale. Like albino ghost pale. "Carlisle, I don't get it. I don't understand," I frowned. "Ten minutes ago, she looked and acted fine. And now all of the color is gone from her face."

"Oh…" Though I didn't know what his face looked like, I could hear a certain alarm that I didn't like in his tone. "You need to get her to me as soon as possible."

"Why? What's going on?" It was a stupid question, because I was going to take her to Carlisle no matter what the answer was.

"Get her to me _now_, Jacob." Carlisle sounded concerned.

He didn't have to tell me again. I quickly hung up the phone and grabbed Leah in my arms.

I muttered sarcastically to myself, "Gee, I'm having a feeling of de ja vu." This wasn't the first time that I was racing to Carlisle with Leah in my arms. It was becoming a repetitive routine in our lives.

I grabbed Sue's keys off of the counter. It's a good thing that Sue and Charlie had taken his Cruiser and left Sue's car. Bella and I had already gotten in trouble once before for taking Charlie's car for a joyride. If he came back to discover his car missing once again, I had a feeling that he might throw me in jail for a day. That would suck.

I placed Leah delicately in the front seat and climbed in the driver's seat next to her. I took a moment to buckle her up. I could see us flying down the road at 100 miles per hour and wrecking. I wouldn't be helping her if I got her thrown from the car with my erratic driving.

When I started Sue's car, I let out an aggravated grunt. Why did I always get the crummy cars that couldn't reach the speeds that I wanted? I sighed. Oh well, it was still better than Jared's junk-mobile. I pushed the little car to its limits.

I heard Leah mutter something and I glanced over at her. I had to remind myself to watch the road.

_You're driving. Don't kill her faster, jackass._ I warned myself. I looked over and saw that her eyes were open now.

"Jacob?" She could barely hold her head up.

"I'm here." I couldn't think of something less girly to say? Really?

"Well, that's a good thing. Because I'm hardly in any condition to drive," she said. I chuckled softly.

"Hang in there. I'm gonna get you some help." I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her towards me.

"Good. Now I feel better about being in the car with an emotional werewolf behind the wheel." Even through her pain, she still kept the sarcasm coming. That was my Leah.

She winced as she huffed out a cough.

"It's getting worse," she said weakly. She took her hands away from her face to look at the bloody mucous that she'd just hacked up.

_Holy shit. More blood. Okay, do NOT freak out._ I begged myself. I had to stay sane...for Leah's sake.

Leah leaned against the seat and sighed. "You taking me to Carlisle?" She sounded really weak. I expected her to be angry, but she was extremely subdued.

"You bet your ass I am," I nodded.

"Guess it's still better than public health care." She coughed again. I could hear her wheezing. And I could see her drifting off again.

"Leah, what's the square root of 144?" I questioned. I was panicking…trying to keep her awake. I wanted her conscious. I was afraid that if she fell asleep again, she might not ever wake up.

"Excuse me?"

"The square root of 144."

"You're a guy. I thought you were supposed to be good at math." Her breathing was increasing again. I didn't understand why she couldn't breathe. If I weren't driving right now, I would be breathing for her. She could have all of my air that she wanted.

"What's the capital of North Dakota?"

"Why are we playing 'Are you smarter than a fifth grader?'"

_So you don't pass out and die on me!_

"I'm trying to keep you alert," I admitted.

"Why? Did you enter me in an academic bowl?" Her eyes slowly started to close again. Shit. What was something that I could get her to talk about? She hated everything and always had some smartass remark. That was it. Hate. She would always bitch about _something_.

"What's the thing that you hate most about your life?" I spit out. _Charlie dating your mother? Sam being a dick? The fact that you transform into a giant wolf? Vampires?_ I didn't care what her response was, as long as she stayed conscious to answer my stupid questions.

She groaned and clutched her head in pain.

"The way it always ends up. I haven't ever had one happy ending."

Well, that broke my heart. I felt really bad for her. But before I could tell her that she would eventually get her happy ending, her heart rate dropped and got significantly weaker. She quickly fell back into unconsciousness.

I pulled her closer to me. I wanted to unbuckle her seatbelt just so I could hold her in my arms. But I knew that would make driving incredibly difficult.

"Stay with me, Leah." I quickly kissed the top of her head.

I glanced down at the speedometer. It's a good thing that the only cop around here was shacking up with Leah's mother. If I got pulled over doing sixty miles over the speed limit in a stolen vehicle without a license, I don't think I could get out of going to prison. I had _just_ gotten out of being someone else's bitch.

Although, maybe it might not be such a bad idea to hide behind bars for a while. When Quil said something to Sue about Leah and me being together, Sue didn't look very happy. Maybe it would be a _good_ thing to get hauled off to prison. I could see Sue staring me down from outside the prison bars. I'd be begging the cop to keep me in jail.

_"You're free to go, son…"_

_"Uh…can I stay here with you? Behind bars? Where it's safe? With Bubba?"_ My jailbird husband would have to protect me from Sue Clearwater.

I'm sure Sue's initial reaction to our relationship was the same as Seth's. He was worried about imprinting. And what that would do to Leah if I fell victim to the stupid "I wanna be a slave" gene that werewolves seemed to have. But I wasn't going to do that. I would die before I hurt Leah. I laughed. If I told her that, she'd probably shove me in the path of oncoming traffic just to test that theory.

When I flew into the Cullen's driveway, I had to remind myself to stop before I got to the house. I don't think they would appreciate a car smashing through their pretty little walls. It might look cool in an action movie, but I'm sure Esme wouldn't appreciate the mess.

I climbed out of the car and quickly went to the passenger's side to get Leah out. I swallowed a knot in my throat when I saw how quickly she was fading. This didn't make any sense. What the hell was happening to her?

She was still breathing heavily. I took her face in my hands and rubbed my thumbs against her cheeks. Though they were pale and cool, I could still see sweat glistening on her skin.

"You don't get to bail on me now." I crushed my lips against her head and then lifted her out of the car.

Apparently, I was moving at the speed of light because I got to the front door before Carlisle met me.

I tried to read the expression on his face when he saw Leah, but he'd had centuries to perfect his "stoic" look. Esme and Alice, however, had not. I heard a gasp escape from one of their breathless mouths.

"Oh, dear…" So, it was Esme that had let her emotions slip.

"You've got to do something, Doc." I cradled Leah tightly in my arms.

Carlisle listened to Leah's breathing and heart rate. He glanced back at Edward, who had drifted into the room.

"Edward, would you…" Carlisle motioned his son over to us. I saw Edward look at Leah in my arms. He hesitated for a moment, but then he walked towards us.

_Take one more step towards me and I will rip you to shreds, mindreader,_ I snarled in thought. _You've already taken one girl away from me. I'm not about to hand you Leah, too._

"Jasper and I are going to get her situated while Carlisle has a word with you," Edward explained.

"Just tell me where to take her and I will," I frowned. "If Leah wakes up and sees _you_ carrying her, she'll freak out and kill everyone," I paused. _On second thought…take her. I wouldn't mind seeing her ripping your head off._

I saw Jasper watching me warily from Alice's side. I could feel my emotions relax. I didn't know whether to be pissed or thankful. I went with pissed. He was supposed to be making Leah feel better, not me.

"Use your powers on her, not me." I frowned at Jasper. I glanced at Carlisle to see where he wanted me to go. "The Pink Panther room?" I questioned. I needed to know where Carlisle wanted to treat her. Because I wasn't going to hand her over to Edward "I am such a God" Cullen.

"Actually, if you'll follow me, I've got another area set up." Carlisle motioned for me to follow him.

I followed him down a hallway to a completely different room than the one we had been in last time. There was a machine that looked like a giant deformed spaceship in the center of this one. Carlisle had me lay Leah down on the table that looked like a fucked up ironing board.

"Her thoughts are completely void," Edward frowned. I got the feeling that that didn't happen to him a lot. It must annoy him when he couldn't get inside someone's head. Edward snapped his head up at me and rolled his eyes. "Believe me, there are times that I wish I couldn't hear _some_ people's thoughts." I think that was directed at me.

_Aw. Does my brutal honesty hurt your wittle feelings_? I chuckled in thought. _Why don't you go invade your wife's mind. Oh, wait…you CAN'T!_ I grinned smugly at him.

It's too bad that Bella wasn't here to see her husband squirm. I was going to have to lo-jack that girl so I could find her at all times.

_"Hey Bells, come watch me torture your husband!"_

Edward gritted his teeth as he explained that Bella and Rosalie were at their cottage trying to put Rensemee to bed. Apparently, as soon as I'd called and she knew that I was bringing Leah over, Rosalie volunteered to go and get Edward. I'm sure Carlisle thought that Leah would be dishonest about her pain. He wasn't expecting her to be declining so rapidly. I figured he was going to use Edward as a way to see how Leah was really feeling. But because she was so out of it, her mind was fuzzy.

Carlisle took me aside. "How much do you know about Leah's medical history?"

"Not much." I shook my head. I knew that she'd never had the chicken pox as a child, but other than that, the only thing from a medical standpoint I knew was that she hated doctors.

"Do you know her blood type?"

"Why do you need to know this? Can't you just fix her?" My request came off as a bit harsh.

"Though I can't say for certain yet, I have a feeling that I know what is causing this," Carlisle said.

"Please tell me that you can help her." This request was much softer than the last.

I didn't get my answer because our conversation was interrupted.

"Carlisle…" Jasper intervened softly. "She's in a lot of pain. I'm doing what I can, but she's still quite uncomfortable."

Carlisle and I were both by Leah's side in the next instant. I sighed as I took Leah's hand and watched Carlisle do his "doctor" thing. He checked her pulse and shook his head. It was too weak. I knew that. It was nice that he didn't have to stop and answer my questions every step of the way. I can't imagine what it must be like for him to treat people whose families didn't have heightened senses.

_"What's her blood pressure? What's her heart rate? And her respiration?"_ I could answer those questions for myself just by being in the same room with her. Unfortunately, I hated the answers that I was getting.

Carlisle pushed his hands against Leah's stomach. I felt her hand tense up around mine.

"Holy shit!" Leah's eyes flew open and she instinctively took a swing at Carlisle. He easily dodged it, and she fell back on to the table and groaned.

"Well, that wasn't very nice." I locked eyes with Leah and smiled. I wasn't happy to see Leah in pain, but I was glad to see her conscious.

"Leah?" Carlisle looked surprised at her consciousness. "How do you feel?"

"Fantastic. Could you tell the walls to stop spinning?" she grunted. "And…stop whistling."

"Have you been having any other symptoms lately?" Carlisle questioned.

Leah closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them back up, she was looking at me.

"Bismarck," she answered sleepily. "And 12."

It took me a moment to realize that she was answering my questions from earlier. She looked around the room and grumbled.

"Great. I'm back at the Haunted Mansion." Her face scrunched in pain and her eyes fluttered shut.

"She's in shock." Carlisle pushed his lips together in concern.

"From what?" I asked.

"She's losing blood from somewhere."

"But her wounds are healed!" I couldn't believe that I was arguing with a doctor that had centuries of medical experience.

"I was going to do an MRI, but based on her physical state, I'm going to do an ultrasound instead. It will yield us faster results," Carlisle said. I saw Edward rolling in the ultrasound machine. I guess he knew exactly where Carlisle kept it stashed considering that Bella was the last person they'd used it on.

"Is there any piece of medical equipment that you _don't_ own?"

"A surgical laser machine," Carlisle answered me. I think he was being serious. But something told me that it was only a matter of time before he dragged one of those things home, too. "Which is unfortunate because I have a strong suspicion that I am going to have to do surgery on her…"

"Surgery?"

"I believe she's bleeding internally." Carlisle quickly set up the ultrasound machine.

Again… "From what?"

"I think it has something to do with the fact that she was bitten and poisoned by vampire venom." He rolled the little ultrasound probe over Leah's stomach.

"But that was a week ago. She hasn't had any problems…" Other than Sam maiming her. I thought about it for a second. All the times that we'd kissed and her heart rate increased, I could see that she was getting dizzy. And she'd mentioned a couple of headaches, but she wrote them off as nothing. And when I tried to make a big deal out of them, she called me overprotective and told me to leave her alone. Was her tolerance for pain so high that she couldn't have known that something was wrong?

Carlisle shook his head. "Damn it." His cursing scared the crap out of me. I'd never heard the Saint utter one dirty word. "There's a large amount of blood in her abdomen," he said with a frown. "The venom is interfering with her healing abilities. Though, I can't quite understand how."

"But…she was fine. I don't understand." How could she be walking around, joking, and being Leah one minute, and then dying the next?

"I don't understand it either..._yet_." He made it sound like he was going to try to figure out what was going on with Leah. "But her internal organs are not healing properly…though, I'm not sure why considering that she's healed externally." He pushed the ultrasound machine aside and glanced at his sons. They ran off to do something. "Jacob, if I don't do surgery on her, she'll die," he said softly.

"Then do the damn surgery."

He nodded, "I have Edward and Jasper setting everything up. The surgery isn't without its risks."

"What could be worse than her dying?" I snapped.

He gave me a sympathetic look. "I know this is difficult for you."

I let out a hard laugh. "You know, we've got to stop meeting like this, Doc. Can't we just have a normal day where my girlfriend _isn't_ dying? We could even talk about sports and stuff."

"I assure you that I'm going to do all that I can for her." He smiled. He'd said that before. And like last time, I believed him.

He checked Leah's pulse again. He shook his head with a frown. Obviously, he didn't like what Leah's heart was doing anymore than I did.

"I know that I asked you this before, but do you happen to know her blood type?"

I shook my head. "Can't you just use O? Isn't that like universal or something?"

"I believe it would be…beneficial for her to receive blood from someone with the same…abilities. Someone from your…" He tried to find the right word.

"Species?" I questioned. Carlisle nodded. "Well, let me just go find a Labrador with her blood type," I muttered sarcastically.

"Hey, did someone order a paper dress?" Emmett appeared in the doorway.

"I need to get her prepped for surgery." Carlisle grabbed something from the counter that I couldn't see. Before I had even blinked, he had an IV in Leah's arm.

I shook my head. "How do you do that?" It still amazed me that he was so quick at that.

"So…" Emmett walked up behind me. He held up not _one_...but _two_ different gowns. "Pink or white?"

"Leah hates pink," I said.

"Pink it is, then," Emmett grinned. He took a step towards Leah, but I intervened.

"If you undress her, it will be the last thing you ever do." I threatened him.

"Whoa, look who's all possessive." Emmett chuckled as he tossed me the pink hospital gown. I looked at it. Leah was going to hate it. But that was all the more reason to put it on her. It would give her something to take her mind off of the pain when she woke up. She could bitch about me dressing her in fluffy colors. "Relax, bro. I'm not gonna peek at your girlfriend."

"I'm not your _bro_," I frowned. "Besides, how would you like it if I peeled your wife's clothes off?"

He looked at me seriously and then his lips twitched into a smile. "Rose doesn't like to be handled delicately. I don't "peel" her clothes off. I rip 'em off with my teeth."

"I could have gone my entire life without knowing that," I gagged.

"Emmett, why don't we step out and let Jacob change her clothes?" Carlisle suggested.

"Can I assist in surgery?" Emmett asked playfully.

I let out a growl. If anyone other than Carlisle touched Leah, I was going to start ripping limbs off of body parts now.

Carlisle and Emmett quickly disappeared from the room. I pulled Leah's clothes off of her. I couldn't tell if they were damp because of the rain, or if she had just been sweating that much. I sighed. Any other teenage boy would be psyched right now. Seeing their girlfriend naked would send most boys into overdrive excitement. I laughed sourly. I always hoped that I'd get to take Leah's clothes off. But not like this. Plus, I had seen Leah without clothes before. Though, I had never really taken the time to appreciate her beauty. I put the horrible pink gown on her and kissed her cheek.

She inhaled a deep breath and then whimpered. Why was I watching her die again? This really sucked. Was there something I could have done to prevent this? Maybe if I ordered her not to die, she would have to listen. I paused to think. That actually wasn't a bad idea.

"Leah, I order you not to die. I hate to pull rank on you here, but I'm your Alpha, and you have to listen to me."

I heard a low howl way off in the distance.

"Aw, crap." I closed my eyes and smacked my head. Emmett and Carlisle appeared behind me. There was another howl. "Ah, man…that's Seth. He's probably looking for me." I felt like a douche. I hadn't called Seth to tell him what was going on.

"Perhaps it would be wise to have him come here as well. He might know more about her medical history," Carlisle suggested.

"I…don't want to leave her." I knew I had a responsibility to let the others know what was going on, but I just couldn't fight my way away from her side.

"Dude, you don't have to," Emmett shrugged. "Just go into the living room and phase."

"That wouldn't freak you guys out?" I questioned.

"Do whatever it is that you need to do, Jacob." Carlisle assured me.

Whatever it is that I needed to do? Well, what I _needed_ was for Leah to survive. I took a moment to pause and look at Leah before I disappeared to scare the crap out of her brother.

"The order stands, Leah," I said with a warning tone.

_You are so not allowed to die._


	33. Waiting sucks

**Chapter 33:**

**Waiting sucks**

When I walked into the living room, I found Alice tidying up and moving furniture. I had to laugh when I saw her tiny frame pick up and move the huge living room couch with one hand.

"You look like Hee-woman." I chuckled. She rolled her eyes at me and continued with her weird feng shui thing. "Geeze, why so grumpy little Mrs. Crystal Ball?" It's not like it was _her_ other half laid up in the next room coughing up blood. I took a moment to appreciate the fact that her other half _was_ with my other half_—_trying to keep her pain at bay. I had to remember to buy Jasper a 'Thank You' card. I wonder if they made a "Thanks for being an emotional freak and keeping my dying werewolf girlfriend comfortable" card.

"I am _not_ grumpy. I'm just irritated."

"Same thing." I shrugged. And besides…what did the tiniest vampire in the world have to be irritated about? Was she pissed that she wasn't going to grow anymore?

I looked around the living room and tried to figure out a good spot to strip and phase. I opened my mouth to let Alice know what I was about to do, but I decided to screw with her instead.

"Hey, bet you can't guess what I'm about to do." I teased her. I loved that Alice couldn't see our future like everyone else.

She frowned, "Considering I still can't see much of anything, I'm going to assume that you _aren't_ leaving?"

"Wow. You _are_ good," I said sarcastically. I sighed, "I suppose you can't tell me what Leah's outcome is going to be?"

Alice's facial expression suddenly changed. Her tone softened, and she gave me a sympathetic look.

"Well, I'm still pretty blind right now. And as annoying as that is, it means that you're going to be around for a while."

"That could also be Nessie." I reminded her. Nessie clouded her visions as well. I found that hilariously entertaining.

Alice was crazy, but the two of us had shared a common bond when Bella was pregnant. Alice couldn't stand to be around her pregnant sister-in-law because the unborn kid gave her a headache. And I couldn't stand to be around Bella because I was watching her die. We both wanted to be there for her without ever actually being there. So the two of us usually sat in the living room together and bitched about how miserable we were.

"It could be a lot of things, Jacob," Alice said honestly.

"Well, whatever it is that's clouding your visions, I'm glad. Because it means that I get to do _this_." I grinned at her as I stripped out of my clothes.

I laughed when I saw her horrified expression.

"A little warning would have been nice!" she hissed as she darted out of the room.

"Hey, Alice? How does it feel to be blind?" I called after her.

"After seeing you like _that_, I _have_ gone blind!" she exclaimed back.

I was glad that it'd been Alice that I ran into instead of one of the other girls. I wouldn't have been able to do that to Esme. And I had a feeling that Rosalie would have ripped _The Big Dog_ and his puppies off. But even after that pleasant little experience of torturing Alice, all I could think about is what I was going to say to Seth. I decided on "get your ass over here now." Carlisle was right. Seth would probably know more about her medical history. I didn't want to call Sue. Leah would want to protect her mother for as long as possible.

There was another impatient howl from across the border.

"Trust me, kid. This is not something that you're going to be eager to hear." I closed my eyes and let my wolf form out.

_Seth…_

_Jake, where the hell are you?_

_I…_

_I went home, and you and Leah weren't there._

_I know, I…_

_And mom's car is missing. Do you know how pissed she's going to be?_

_Seth…_ I couldn't get a word in edgewise.

_You should probably just let him rant for a minute. He's pretty worked up._ Embry was running with Seth.

_I can hear that,_ I muttered. Seth suddenly tensed up. He'd finally felt my panic.

_Whoa, what's wrong?_ Embry questioned.

_It's Leah, isn't it? Tell me she's okay, Jacob. Please tell me she's okay,_ Seth begged. _What happened?_

_She…_

_I knew there was something going on. Why wouldn't you call me!?_

_Seth, shut up!_ I growled. He was finally quiet. I felt him cower down. _Sorry._ I hadn't meant to yell at him. _It's been a tense night,_ I explained. I let them watch the replay in my head. I tried my best not to let all of my fear come through, but I knew they still felt it. After Seth watched his sister collapse in my thoughts, he heaved out a heavy sigh.

_I knew it,_ Seth whimpered.

I saw a quick flash in his head. While I had been trying to avoid the cops in real life, Embry and Seth were stealing cars and being chased by the LAPD in their game world. He and Embry were in the middle of the game when Seth started to feel sick to his stomach. I watched the play-by-play through Embry's eyes.

"Your ass is mine, Clearwater," Embry laughed. He'd glanced over at Seth and saw that the kid had stopped playing the game. "Hey, what gives? You okay?"

"I don't know," Seth had frowned.

"You gonna hurl, dude?" Embry questioned. "Just don't do it on the new controller."

"No. I'm not nauseous. Something just doesn't feel right." Seth looked confused.

Embry started to respond, but something was bothering him as well. It was at that point that they called to check on me and Leah. But we were already gone. When they couldn't get us to answer, they went back to the house and found it empty.

_You knew something was wrong?_ I asked.

_I didn't want to be right,_ Seth sighed. _But the fact that all three of us had a strange feeling__—__I knew something was up._

_Quil too?_ I questioned.

_We called to ask him if he'd seen or heard from you,_ Embry said. _He felt weird too. We all felt a shift in the pack. He wanted to come with me and Seth to find you, but he couldn't leave Claire. Her mother is out with Emily._

_I'm at the Cullen's house._ I don't know why I was explaining this. They already knew where I was.

_What's wrong with her?_ Seth asked. I could see that he was already on his way to the Cullen's place. He would be here in no time.

_We're still not a hundred percent sure yet. Do you know her blood type?_ Well, I'd just blurted that right out. But I was beyond trying to do this softly. Seth needed to know how bad the situation was.

_Uh…I'm not sure. Why?_

_Carlisle needs to know._ I could barely form the word in my head. _Surgery_.

_Oh, God,_ Seth gulped. _It's that bad?_

_Just get here as fast as you can._ I really wanted to be there for Seth, but I also needed to be there for Leah. I phased back. I looked to where I had tossed my clothes off and saw that they were missing. I grabbed the blanket off of the couch and looked around.

"Hey there, Studly." Emmett was standing in the doorway grinning at me. "Looking for these?" He held up my clothes. God, he was such a frat boy. What was he going to do next? Roll up a towel and snap it against my ass?

"Very funny." I rolled my eyes.

"Nice toga." He pointed to the sheet. "Maybe I should just hang on to these." He waved my pants in front of me. "I can't wait to see what Leah has to say about your Roman fashion sense."

Why did I think that it would be a good idea to phase in the house? I'm not sure at what point Emmett had snuck past me to steal my clothes, but I was starting to get irritated with him.

"Your practical jokes aren't funny."

"I beg to differ." Alice appeared next to him. She chuckled out a laugh. "That's a nice look for you, _Casper_." She shook her head. "I have seen some fashion faux pas in my time, but _this_ takes the cake."

"I will drop this sheet…" I threatened her. I was in no mood to play. Leah was having emergency surgery for God's sake.

Emmett disappeared with my clothes and Alice was right behind him. I heard them laughing in the kitchen. I let out a growl.

"Yo, Brainless...give me back my damn clothes!" I yelled. My pants smacked me in the face a few seconds later. "You're an asshole, Emmett," I grumbled.

"Takes one to know one."

"Are you _twelve_?" I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, Jacob…has anyone ever told you that you have an awesome ass?" Emmett teased me. "Seriously, do you work out?"

"Words can't describe how uncomfortable I am right now," I frowned at Emmett.

"I know. I love it," Emmett nodded. I think in his own annoying, screwed up way, Emmett was trying to make me forget how incredibly freaked out I was about Leah. But I was reminded a few seconds later of why we were here. Carlisle walked into the room.

"Everything's ready."

"I'm staying with her." I wasn't going to leave her.

Carlisle nodded, "I assumed you would feel that way. But I'm going to have to ask you to put some clothes on."

"I would if your son would stop stealing them." I glared at Emmett.

Emmett handed me a blue gown and I reluctantly put it on. At first I was afraid he'd done something to it as a joke. But as I followed Carlisle back to Leah's side, I saw that almost everything about the room had changed. Leah had been moved to a gurney. Why the hell did they have a gurney in this house? I wondered why Carlisle didn't just open up his own emergency room here in the mansion.

"She's breathing better with the oxygen," Jasper explained. I looked at the oxygen mask on Leah's face. She looked like Hannibal Lecter. Carlisle had started her on IV fluids. He explained that until we knew whether or not Seth and Leah shared the same blood type, he didn't want to risk giving her blood that her body might reject.

As much as I disliked vampires, they certainly had a hell of a medical operation going here.

I looked at Jasper. "How much is she hurting right now?"

He didn't want to answer. He stared quietly at me. His silence said more than I needed to know. Carlisle broke the silence. He felt the need to explain.

"The blood filling her stomach is pushing against her organs. It's making it painful for her to move."

"That's why it's hard for her to breathe?" I asked. "Because it hurts her?" Knowing that made me sick to my stomach. To think of how much pain she had to be in was tearing me apart.

Carlisle nodded, "But after I relieve some of that pressure, she should be more comfortable." He promised me.

I walked over to her and took her hand again. Her palms were hot now. I laughed softly. Just like Leah's attitude…her temperature was constantly varying between hot and cold these days.

"This just happened so fast…" I sighed. My brain started racking off several questions. And a bunch of "what-if's" plagued me. What if I had forced her to come here after Sam attacked her? Could we have caught this early? What if I had actually paid attention to the fact that her heart had not been normal since the vampire attack? What if I had been able to see that something wasn't right? What if I hadn't called her unhappy and miserable the day that she ran off? She never would have been on the cliff that day if I hadn't opened my big mouth. And she never would have been bitten by the vampire, so her healing abilities wouldn't be screwed up. Hell, maybe Sam wouldn't have gone after her if I hadn't used her in my plan to help the Cullens. None of this would have happened if it weren't for me.

Carlisle saw me in thought and was quick to guess what was on my mind.

"Don't blame yourself, Jacob," Carlisle said. "In all honesty, even if Leah had come to me the day that she was injured, I can't say that I would have caught it then." Even though he was saying this, I had a feeling he was just trying to make me feel better. "This has been happening very slowly over time. And she hadn't been showing any symptoms."

Because they were overshadowed by the burning in her stomach. She thought it was just her body trying to heal. But I was starting to see now that she had been showing symptoms since the day of the vampire attack. Her heart rate was off, she constantly ran a fever, the dizziness after we kissed, her headaches…

It all made sense now. I grumbled to myself. If she wasn't so stoic, maybe I would have known. Maybe _she_ would have known. If she would have just let Carlisle look at her…_maybe_ we wouldn't be in this situation.

"You're an idiot, Lee…" I sighed.

"I know." I heard a tired response. Her eyes were still closed, but she squeezed my hand. She shifted uncomfortably and pulled her oxygen mask down. She opened her eyes.

"You're awake?" I felt a glimmer of hope.

"I've been drifting in and out," she admitted. She saw what I was wearing. "Nice Easter dress. You look like Doogie Howser."

I smiled at her. "Neil Patrick Harris is awesome. You consider that an insult?"

"I'm not at the top of my game_—_if you hadn't noticed," she said sarcastically. She looked at Carlisle and Jasper. "Can you give us a few minutes?"

Carlisle looked at her unsurely for a moment. I knew that the doctor in him wanted to ask every medical question possible while Leah was awake. He glanced at me and then back at Leah. I think he knew the importance of Leah and me having a moment alone.

"Of course." Carlisle quickly exited the room with Jasper behind him.

"You know, as much time as we spend here, maybe we should just start paying rent," Leah said.

"I wouldn't joke about that. Something tells me that Esme would have a room decorated for us by tomorrow morning."

Even though she didn't say anything out loud, I could see the look in her eyes, _if I make it that long._

"Carlisle is going to help you, Leah," I said softly. "I know this is not the most traditional medical facility. But at least you get your own room," I shrugged. "I knew how you felt about going to the hospital."

"You also knew how I felt about coming here," she sighed as she looked around the room. "Oh, well. At least it's not pink."

"Did you see what you're dressed in?" I questioned.

"You undressed me while I was unconscious?" Leah lifted an eyebrow at me curiously. She didn't look down at the pink gown like I hoped she would. Her gaze never drifted away from my eyes.

I grinned at her and brought her hand to my lips. I kissed her knuckles delicately. She was going to say something, but she became short of breath. I quickly pushed the oxygen mask back over her face.

"I feel like Darth Vader." It was hard to understand what she was saying. But I think I heard her say something about _"Come to the dark side."_

"So, you _have_ seen Star Wars." I teased her. It was almost painful for me to tease her, but I knew that's what she wanted. If it were up to me, I would be crawling next to her and holding her to tell her that everything was going to be okay. But Leah didn't like the whole "soap opera, after-school-special" crap. Unfortunately, I couldn't help myself as I let my feelings slip. "Promise me that you'll fight."

She looked at me with a mix of confusion and irritation. "Look who you're talking to. Everything in my life is a damn fight." She pulled the oxygen mask off again.

I frowned at her. "Leah, you need that air."

"The room is filled with air. What makes this air so special?" she asked sarcastically. "Is it magical air?" She let out a laugh, but winced in pain. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Is Seth freaking out?"

"Of course," I nodded. "He should be here any minute."

"If he tells mom, I'm going to kill him." I could hear her heart rate increasing. I knew she was worried about her mother and brother. She was having a hard time breathing again. She closed her eyes. Her nose started to bleed again, and I had to choke back my fear. I didn't like the fact that she was losing so much blood.

"Lee, what's your blood type?" I asked softly.

"Red," she mumbled. She was becoming incoherent again.

"Do you and Seth have the same blood type?" I hoped that maybe she could answer just one more question for me before she slipped out of consciousness again.

"Seth…tell Seth not to worry." I felt her hand loosen from mine and her body went limp again.

I heard someone shuffle up behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know that it was Carlisle.

"I need to get her into surgery as soon as possible," Carlisle said quietly.

I nodded back without saying anything and followed Carlisle into his surgery room. How big was this damn mansion? Seriously? I bet a normal person could get lost in here for days.

I watched silently as Carlisle put a tube down Leah's throat to help her breathe. I tried not to pay attention to much else. Edward was going to be assisting Carlisle throughout the surgery. I grumbled angry thoughts to myself, but tried not to think them too loudly. I hated Edward. He sure as hell wouldn't have been my first pick to be Carlisle's little nurse. I chuckled when I thought of Edward in a nurse's uniform. He glanced back at me with an angry look in his eyes. I tried to think of something else because Edward was helping Carlisle keep Leah alive at the moment, and I didn't want to jeopardize her life.

I felt sick to my stomach when Carlisle made the first incision. I closed my eyes, but I could still smell the blood. I heard the creepy little suction thing Carlisle used to get the blood out of Leah's stomach. I glanced at how much blood he was getting out, and it made my heart drop into my gut.

_Ugh, this is gross. This is so gross._ I shook my head. _Stop being a wimp, Jacob._ I told myself. I started to get frustrated with my emotions. I needed to hold it together. But every time I looked at Leah, I could feel my feelings pouring to the surface. _You will NOT_ _cry like a sissy, Jacob Black._ I felt my fists tensing up. I was so frustrated that I couldn't just wave some magic wand and make Leah better. My mouth started to burn with rage.

Edward turned to face me. "Maybe you should get some air," he advised. "And update Seth."

_When did Seth…_

"He's a few minutes out." Edward cut off my thoughts.

_You annoy me. A lot._ I frowned at Edward.

"Seth is going to want to talk to you when he gets here." Edward could apparently hear Seth's thoughts, which meant that he was close. He didn't have to tell me what was on the kid's mind. I knew how terrified he was.

Carlisle didn't take his eyes off of Leah as he took the time to agree with Edward.

"Jacob, you need to assure Seth that we're doing everything we can."

"Sure. And I'll find out the blood situation, too." That sounded like an odd thing to say to a vampire. I knew that Carlisle and his stupid mental-psycho son were right. I needed to get out of the room before I lost control of myself and phased. That would certainly ruin a surgery.

_"Okay, I'm making an incision into her liver. And…oh…who got dog hair in her guts? Hey, don't slobber over here! This is a sterile area! A STERILE AREA!!"_

I had barely gotten out of the operating room when Seth barged in the front door. I was bombarded by a bunch of questions. Or rather, the same two questions over and over again. _"Where's she at? How is she doing?"_

I tried to get him off of "repeat" mode.

"What? No comment about what I'm wearing?" I needed to get the kid to shut up for a minute.

He frowned, "You look like a giant smurf. Where's my sister?" He hadn't wasted one breath before asking about Leah again.

"Carlisle is operating on her."

"Already?" he gasped. "But…that was so fast." Emergencies generally _were_ fast. I let out a sigh when I saw the realization of the situation hit him. It made me feel horrible. It smacked him like a ton of bricks. He was losing his sister…_again_. He understood how bad it must have been for Carlisle to jump in that quickly and start cutting her like a Thanksgiving turkey. "Which way to the operating room?" He was suddenly gung-ho as he leaped forward to try and find his sister. I knew what he was going through because I was going through it too. And I still didn't think that it was wise to have an emotional wolf barge into the surgery room.

Thankfully, Emmett blocked his path. God bless that giant hall monitor.

"Thanks. I got it from here." I walked over to where they were standing and shooed Emmett away.

"Sure thing. Oh, and by the way, The Blue Man Group called. They want their clothes back," Emmett said as he ran off.

_Go suck a dead deer._ I grumbled in thought. "Stupid Van Damme wannabe," I muttered.

Seth tried to push his way forward, but I stopped him. I knew that if push came to shove, I could always use my command on him. I didn't want to, but I was prepared to.

"I want to see my sister." Seth growled through his teeth.

"Seth…" I put my hand on his shoulder. "I can't let you in there. You can't…"

I glanced at the room. Like Seth, I really wanted to go in there. But if I lost control, I would never forgive myself. Seth wouldn't either. He'd take it ten times worse than I would. Because that was his sister in there. They had known each other their entire lives. They shared the same blood. I knew what it would to do me if it were Rachel or Rebecca in that room.

"You're too emotionally involved." I explained to him.

He hissed at me, "And you're not?"

I just sighed a soft response, "Why do you think I'm out here instead of in there holding her hand?"

He looked at me sadly. "Is she gonna die, Jake?"

"Well…" What could I say to make Seth feel better? I know there was nothing anyone could say to me to make _me_ feel better. I sighed, "I ordered her not to."

He smiled for a second and let out a sad laugh, "Like she's never disobeyed orders before?"

"Boys?" I heard a meek voice coming from behind us. I turned around and saw Esme looking at us sadly. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

I still had a hard time believing that Esme wasn't human. She had such a sweet heart. An unbeating, dead, loving heart.

"No, thanks." Seth shook his head. He started to walk away. I followed him. We couldn't leave, but we couldn't go be in the room with Leah. All we could do was wait.

God, sitting here and waiting was just going to _suck._


	34. Waiting still sucks

**Chapter 34:**

**Waiting _still_ sucks  
**

Carlisle asked Esme to type both mine and Seth's blood to see if we were a match for Leah. Neither one of us was. But Esme remained optimistic, telling us that maybe Leah wouldn't need any blood after all. It's a good thing we were wolves, because something told me that no one in this mansion other than Carlisle had any self control when it came to human blood.

Seth and I tried to find ways to pass the time. Alice even played him at chess a few times. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even realize that she was letting him win every time. I just buried my face in my hands in frustration. I had never been so impatient in my entire life. I wanted to know how Leah was doing. What was Carlisle doing in there? Why weren't they out yet? Why was I a dumbass who didn't stay in the room with them?

"Seth, it's your move," Alice said.

"Huh? Oh, I thought I landed on 'lose a turn.'" Seth shook his head.

"What game do you think you're playing?" Emmett asked.

"I dunno. _Candyland_?" He glanced down at the chess board and then blinked his eyes. "How long have we been waiting?"

"Too long," I mumbled. "Seth, why don't you update Embry?" I questioned. Though Embry and Quil both really wanted to be here with us, they were still weary of the Cullens. Quil was still with Claire, so Embry was running the border and waiting for updates so he could let Quil know what was going on. They were both freaking out. I think we all were.

"Yeah. I could probably use some air." Seth stepped out front.

"Thanks for letting him win." I glanced at Alice.

"Sure, she's _letting_ him win," Emmett said with a wink.

"Are you implying that I'm _actually_ losing?" Alice sounded irritated.

"You just can't stand that a puppy can kick your ass at chess," Emmett giggled.

The little hobbit ignored Emmett's teasing and disappeared into the kitchen. I just glanced at Emmett.

"Is there anyone in this world that you _don't_ know how to piss off?" I questioned curiously.

"If there is, I haven't met them," Emmett shrugged. He smirked, "Russell Crowe threw a phone at me once."

"Was it at your head? Is that why you don't have any brains?"

I heard Alice laugh from the other room.

Seth returned a few minutes later. His eyes were red and it looked like he'd been crying. But I didn't say anything to him about it. Hell, if I wasn't so worn out, I would probably be crying, too. If Leah were conscious, she would call us girls and tell us that our tampons were showing.

"Quil is running with Embry now. Claire's mom got home about an hour ago, and that's when Quil joined him at the border," Seth explained. He frowned, "They ran into Sam about twenty minutes ago."

"What?" I snapped my head up.

"Apparently, Sam heard my girly howls earlier. He was concerned about what was going on," he said with a sneer on his face.

"The bastard needs to mind his own business," I snarled. Better yet, maybe he _did_ need to know this. Leah was in this condition because of him. Sam and his stupid anger issues.

"That's exactly what Quil told him," Seth nodded. "He even called him a bastard."

"Aw, crap," I frowned. Quil got into it with Sam? I guess we would be patching him up next.

"When Sam ran across them, he phased and asked to talk to one of them. But before Embry could tell Quil not to do anything stupid, Quil was on two legs and waving his fists at Sam."

I laughed. You couldn't tell Quil not to do something stupid. It was inevitable. The boy never thought before he did _anything_.

"Quil told Sam to stay the hell away from our pack. He ranted about how Leah was hurt and then told him to get lost," Seth said.

"Does Sam know how bad it is?" I wanted him to know that it was his fault that Leah was suffering. I wanted _him_ to suffer…endlessly.

"I think he does," Seth nodded quietly.

Carlisle came into the room. I was frozen in place. I couldn't tell whether it was good or bad news. Normally, I was pretty good at reading expressions, but Carlisle's was impossible to decipher. Seth was the first one he approached. I didn't realize it, but I was holding my breath.

"I was able to stop the bleeding," he said reassuringly to Seth. "I know you're anxious to see her. Esme, would you take Seth to see his sister?"

"Of course." Esme motioned for Seth to follow her.

I looked at Carlisle silently. There was something he hadn't told Seth. Something that I think he was going to share with me first. I started to get nervous. There was something about his face that I didn't like. It was almost uncomfortable. Fortunately, Seth was so relieved to hear that Leah was alive that he didn't even notice Carlisle's expression.

Esme led Seth out of the living room. I stood up to greet Carlisle. Maybe I should have stayed seated. What if he was going to tell me something that turned my legs into Jello?

"You aren't jumping through the roof for joy like a normal successful surgeon," I frowned warily.

"It was…more difficult than I expected it to be," he said honestly.

"How is she now?" That's all I cared about.

"Doing quite remarkably, actually."

"But?" I knew there was a "but" coming. Why else would he be standing here in front of me with a frown on his face?

"But I still have a couple of concerns." Carlisle furrowed his brow. "In order to get the bleeding to stop, I had to find the source. There were a few organs that I had to remove…"

"Please tell me that they were organs she can live without." I'd hate to have him tell me there was nothing he could do for her. That was probably the worst thing a doctor could say to someone. If you were going to say that, you might as well say, "Stick a fork in her. She's done."

"I had to remove her spleen. There was a very small laceration causing some of the bleeding in her abdomen. But that didn't stop the bleeding. When I looked further, I found that one of her ovaries was damaged beyond repair. That was the other source of the bleeding."

I was never even really sure that Leah even _had_ any ovaries. She certainly didn't act like a girl half the time. She never complained about the fact that she couldn't have kids. I knew it killed her, but she refused to talk about it. The only time we'd ever had a conversation about it is when we were in the middle of an argument. It was right after Bella had married Edward. I was going to take off again. I waited until it was just Leah running, because I figured that she wouldn't give me hell.

Yet something else in my life that I was wrong about...

_Where are you vacationing this time?_ she'd asked me when I phased. She saw my thoughts.

_I just have to get the hell out of here,_ I'd grumbled. I added honestly, _I'm not coming back this time._

To my surprise, I'd felt sadness from her.

_You're going to break your dad's heart. Do you know that?_ she'd snapped.

_My dad will be fine. I'll call him every Thanksgiving and Father's day…just like the rest of the world's population._

She huffed angrily.

_Why do you even care, Leah?_

_Forget it. I've got my own issues to worry about. I don't have time to care about your problems._

_Why? What's ruining your always optimistic, happy mood?_ I'd asked sarcastically.

Though I could feel her unwillingness to share, she couldn't help it. She couldn't stop her thoughts. She'd been babysitting Claire earlier in the day. When it was time for her nap, Claire refused to settle down alone, so Leah reluctantly laid down with her. Claire cuddled up to her and fell asleep. Leah was afraid to move because she didn't want to wake her up. So she spent almost an hour and a half watching Claire sleep. And that entire time, she was thinking about how she would never get to be a mother and share moments like that with her own children.

I didn't know what to say. So I'd stupidly stuttered out, _Oh, come on…kids always look innocent when they sleep. But think about the terror they cause when they're awake. You don't really want that, do you?_

_You just don't get it, Jacob,_ she'd sighed. _There's something wrong with me. It's why Sam didn't imprint on me. It's why I'm the only female wolf. I'm a genetic dead end._

_You don't know that,_ I'd scoffed. _You don't plan on phasing forever, right?_

_I don't know. With my temper, it seems pretty likely that I might._

_You can't know that when you stop phasing things won't pick back up. I mean, you had the um…girly thing…once a month BEFORE you turned into a wolf, right?_ I was so uncomfortable. Massively uncomfortable.

_Are you asking me about my period?_ She laughed at me hysterically.

_Shut up. This is hard for me._

_None of that matters because my body has changed now._ Her laughter died. She sighed, _I can't count the times that I've wanted to run away from it all. But running doesn't do any good. Because it doesn't change the circumstances. You can't change what already is._

_No, but you can sure as hell try to forget it,_ I'd mumbled. _Is there a point to trying to get me to stay with your stories of tampons and children?_

_Hey, you're the one who asked what was bothering me. I'm simply stating that you aren't the only one with problems._

_Thanks for the pep talk, but I'm pretty sure our circumstances are a little bit different._

_You don't have to justify running away to me,_ she'd shrugged. _I'm not going to stop you, Jacob. I just think you're better than that._

I'd stopped dead in my tracks when I heard Leah say that. Leah didn't stay with me much longer after that. She'd said something about switching off with Jared and then phased out. I spent the rest of that day running in circles trying to figure out what in the world had gotten into Leah. She'd _never_ said anything remotely complimentary to me. I stayed that day because I knew that Leah was right. Running away was not going to change the fact that Bella chose Edward.

And here I was, standing in the Cullen's household with the leeches that I'd once despised so much. And I was trusting them to save Leah's life.

"Jacob, are you okay, son?" Carlisle questioned.

I blinked my eyes a few times and then nodded.

"You took Leah's ovaries?"

"One of them. The other one was fine."

"Well…that sucks," I said.

Leah wasn't going to be happy about that. Anything that made her less of a woman was going to stab into her heart.

But she was alive. I tried to focus on that.

"I don't know what her recovery holds for her," Carlisle continued.

"She'll survive. She has to." _I ordered her to._ Carlisle nodded and led me down the hall to where he had Leah recovering. The tube was out of her mouth now. Part of me was hoping that Carlisle would've left her intubated until she woke up, just so I could tease her about the fact that for once, she had to keep her smartass mouth closed.

"Guess her big mouth won't be shut for much longer." I laughed as I walked into the room.

Seth was sitting next to her bed. Again. De. Ja. Vu. Leah was still sleeping off the anesthetic. But her color looked much better. It's amazing what a splenectomy does for a person.

Seth and I settled in for however long we were going to have to wait on Leah to come around _this_ time. Amazingly, we both managed to stay awake through the night. Neither one of us wanted to miss her waking up. Knowing Leah, she'd wait until both of us were asleep to wake up. Then she'd draw all over us with a sharpie.

It was uncomfortable to watch her twitching in her sleep. There was also an interesting moment when she'd cried my name quietly. I held her hand and told her I was there, but she just groaned in her sleep again and asked me not to leave her. I was pretty sure that she was doing it unconsciously, but it still made me feel pretty damn good that she wanted me by her side. Of course, maybe I shouldn't have gotten too excited. For all I knew, she was dreaming about Jake Gyllenhaal and was calling out for _him_.

I was the first one to notice when she opened her eyes. She looked up at me and cleared her throat.

"So, the leech doctor didn't kill me. I'm impressed." Her voice was hoarse.

"Leah, how are you feeling?" Seth asked eagerly.

"I can't feel much below my stomach," she admitted.

"You're not allowed to die anymore," Seth frowned.

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do," Leah said with a weak smile on her face.

"You scared us to death," I said.

"You are scarring me for life, Leah. I have scars. Emotional ones that will never go away," Seth whined.

"You are so dramatic." She tried to push herself up. Her face tensed up from the discomfort.

"Hey, no movement allowed," I ordered her.

"Do you say that to _all_ of your girlfriends?" Emmett's voice came from behind us. I had to wonder if he just laid in wait for certain phrases to come up just so he could pop his head in to make an innappropriate comment and then laugh his immature laugh.

Emmett and Carlisle walked into the room.

Carlisle had a smile on his face. He looked relieved.

"You're awake."

"Please tell me that this bodybuilder is _not_ my nurse." Leah frowned at Emmett.

"Hey Lassie, you look like crap," Emmett smirked.

"Go away, Emmett." She rolled her eyes.

"Make me," he smirked. "Oh wait, you _can't_." He referred to the fact that Leah was still numb from her surgery and couldn't really move.

"No, but _I_ can..." I said threateningly.

Emmett laughed off my threat and looked at Leah seriously for a moment. "It's good to see you conscious. These two little girls were driving me crazy." Emmett winked as he looked at me and Seth.

"That's quite enough for today, Emmett," Carlisle said.

"I just wanted to see how you were feeling. And also…to tell you that you look like a strawberry cupcake." He teased her about what she was wearing. Leah looked down at her gown for the first time and let out an aggravated sigh. She glared at me.

"It was his idea." I pointed at Emmett as he ran out of the room. God, he was such a big kid.

"When I'm back to my full strength, I am going to pummel you, Emmett!" Leah threatened him.

"Looking forward to it!" I heard him exclaim back.

"Is he _ever_ serious?" Leah asked Carlisle.

"Not in the least." Carlisle said as he started to check Leah out. "How are you feeling?"

"To tell you the truth, I'm a little drunk. What pain medications did you give me?" she asked. "They're fantastic."

Carlisle laughed as he continued his exam. He looked at the incision on her stomach. It looked really good. When it healed, you probably wouldn't be able to tell that she'd even _had_ surgery.

"Are you having any pain anywhere?" Carlisle questioned.

Leah looked around with a confused look on her face.

"What? No telepath here to call me on my lies?" she questioned with a smile. "Where's the mindreader? Why don't you just have him answer all of these questions for me?"

Carlisle glanced at us nervously. "He's otherwise engaged at the moment."

_Otherwise engaged?_ I scoffed. He and Bella were probably in the middle of their cabin screwing each other's brains out. I ground my teeth together and grumbled to myself.

"That's too bad," Leah said sarcastically. "I was so looking forward to torturing him with my thoughts."

"Maybe I should go find him," Seth suggested. "She's never going to be honest with us about how she's feeling."

"You have so little faith in me, kid," Leah frowned. She looked at Carlisle. "Yes, I feel like shit. But, who wouldn't?" She looked at her brother. "See? Honesty…"

"So, where _is_ Edward?" I asked curiously. I didn't really care, but the fact that Carlisle was being so evasive worried me.

Carlisle sighed. It was obvious that he was keeping something from us. But I wasn't expecting what he said next.

"He's speaking with Sam."

"What?" I leaped up angrily. "Why?"

"Edward heard him coming to check on Leah," Carlisle explained.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I hope the bloodsucker rips the big dog to shreds," Leah scoffed angrily.

"Seth, stay with your sister," I said. I stood up without saying anything else and walked towards the door calmly.

"Where are you going?" Leah questioned.

"To commit first degree murder," I growled. I knew that no one would stop me. Seth was probably silently rooting me on. And Leah didn't have the strength to keep me from going anywhere. I'm sure the others knew where I was going, but no one dared to stop me. Emmett, Alice, and Esme were tense as I walked through the living room with my teeth bared. No one said anything to me. I was a bit disappointed that Emmett didn't have a smartass remark.

Although, he did quickly redeem himself once I was at the door.

"You know, dog fighting is illegal in all fifty states."

"Then how come you can fight with your wife?" I grinned darkly as I slammed the door behind me.

"Ouch. Good one!" Emmett exclaimed after me. "You're going to pay for that one later! I'm telling Rosalie!"

God, he was like a kid running to his mommy. _"__ Rosalie, __Jacob was mean to me. Yell at him for me."_

I made my way away from the house and let my nose carry me towards Edward and Sam's scents. They were less than a mile away. If Edward heard my plan, would he warn Sam? If he did, I was going to kill Edward, too.

I wasn't surprised when I ran into Edward first.

"He doesn't want to fight," Edward said calmly.

"Too bad, because I do," I snapped.

"Jacob, you do not want to take his life."

"Yes, I really do," I snarled. "It's justified."

"Murder is never justified." He was lecturing me on ethics? What a freaking hypocrite!

"Get the hell out of my way, leech!" I yelled angrily.

"I know you're upset. But trust me, if you take the life of someone, you will never forgive yourself. Believe me, I know."

"Don't stand here preaching to me about how you feel bad for being a murderer, because I _don't care_! You saw what he did to her. Could you honestly tell me that you wouldn't do the exact same thing if someone did that to Bella?" I snarled.

Edward sighed and I saw his hesitation.

"Yeah, it's not so easy to tell me what to do when you picture _your_ wife as the one squirming in agony, is it?" I scoffed.

"You don't think that I know this is my fault?" I heard Sam's voice from the trees. My hands tensed up and I had a metallic taste in my mouth. I saw him come through the trees.

"Fucking bastard," I snarled angrily.

"Your presence is no longer needed, bloodsucker." Sam managed to sound both cordial and rude at the same time.

I glanced at Edward, _If you interfere, I will kill you, too._

Edward raced away, leaving Sam and I to "discuss our feelings" once more.

"You want to kill me, Jacob?" Sam questioned. It was more of a statement than a question. Sam knew exactly what I was thinking…even without being in my head.

"I want you to suffer_—_like you made her suffer," I snarled.

"I already am," Sam said. "Believe me. There is nothing you could do to me that I haven't considered doing to myself," he sighed. "I know that you think killing me would teach me some kind of lesson. But don't you think that life is a little more cruel than death?"

I waited for him to explain what he meant.

"I have to live for the rest of my life knowing that I hurt two of the most important people in my life. _That_ is by far the worst punishment I could receive. And I deserve every second of it."

"Yeah, you do."

"You can't know what it's like to know how much pain I've put both Emily and Leah through. I know I'll never forgive myself." His voice cracked. Was Sam Uley_..._my buttfucking ex-Alpha_..._about to cry on my shoulder?

"You don't deserve forgiveness."

"You're right. I don't."

Well, he wasn't making this argument very fun. Why couldn't he fight back?

Sam sighed and looked at the ground, "Edward told me everything. He explained the situation and told me that the injuries I caused Leah weren't healing," he grumbled. "I still can't believe that I got a lecture from a parasite…"

"Edward_—_scolded you?" I couldn't help but laugh. Man, I would've paid to see that. I could see Edward waving his finger at Sam and frowning at him while Sam cowered down with his ears flat and sad.

_"That's a very bad Sam! Bad Sam! Very, very bad!"_

"Yes. A _vampire_ bitched at me," he muttered. "_Now_ do you believe me when I tell you that life is more cruel than death?"

"You do realize that if I don't kill you, Seth and Sue probably will?" Though I knew that Leah hated Sam…probably even more now…I also knew that she wouldn't want to see him killed. Because she spent four years in love with him. And as much pain as Sam had put her through, she didn't _really_ want to see any harm come to him. It was easier for her to be angry and threaten to kill him than it was for her to cry and admit how much he'd hurt her.

"I realize that a lot of people are unhappy with me right now," he sighed. _No shit, Sherlock._ "That's another reason I came out here today. I wanted to try and make things right."

"You can _try_ all you want, but it'll never happen," I growled.

"I was hoping that I could speak to Leah."

"Over my dead body. No fucking way." I shook my head vigorously.

"I would like to tell her how sorry I am before I leave."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I've caused enough heartache in La Push. It's time for me to move on. Emily and I have discussed it at length." He paused and his eyes met mine in a hard gaze. "We're moving, Jacob."

Part of me wanted to kill him for being such a pussy and running away. But the other part of me was so glad that he was leaving that I didn't say a word. We stood in silence for a few minutes. Finally, I was able to form a response.

"Do the Elders know about this?"

"Just your dad and Old Quil. I spoke with them this morning before I came here."

"What about the pack?" I had to know what was going to happen to the rest of the guys. Forget the fact that Sam was leaving. What did that mean for his pack?

"I've offered the Alpha position to Jared if he wants it. But if he doesn't, none of the guys have any qualms about following you."

_Except Paul._ I knew he was probably fuming right now. I knew I sure as hell didn't want to start sharing his thoughts about my sister again. These past few days without him had been great.

I was surprised that Sam would just pick up and leave after all of his stupid lectures about responsibilities to the tribe and how important it was to do our duties to protect our people. I had a sneaking suspicion that he was just trying to find a way out of this werewolf thing because it was becoming too hard for him. He'd lost control of himself and of his pack. And it was difficult for him to admit defeat. He was just coming up with excuses. That pissed me off.

"So, you don't really give a shit about what you did to Leah?" I questioned. "You just came out here to throw me your strays so you and Emily can ride off into the sunset together?" I felt my anger boiling over again.

"Jacob, it's because of what I did to her that I'm leaving," Sam said. "I don't want to hurt her anymore. The only way she is going to move on with her life is if I'm no where around. And as much as I don't like the idea of seeing you two together, I won't deny her happiness anymore. Just promise me that you won't hurt her."

"Of course I won't. I'm not _you_." I spit hatefully.

"I deserve that," Sam nodded. He sighed, "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. And what I've put her through…" He looked at me sadly. And it looked like genuine regret. But that still didn't make me hate him any less. "I know it's a lot to ask, and I know the both of you hate me, but_—_may I please see her?"

Well, if I didn't kill Sam, maybe Seth would have the balls to do it. Or maybe I could drag him back to the Cullens and then bribe one of the vampires to do it.

For once, Sam Uley was awaiting _my_ instructions.


	35. Drugs have killed the pain and my brain

**Chapter 35:**

**Drugs have killed the pain…and my brain**

**Leah's point of view:**

Carlisle was discussing medical crap with me, but I was still so buzzed from all of the anesthesia and the pain medications that all I could concentrate on was the fact that the wall behind the doctor seemed to be moving. It looked like it was waving at me. I had to fight the urge to wave back. That might make me look crazy. Well, more crazy than normal. _Leah, you are so freaking stoned right now._ Wow, there was an echo in my head. _Stoooooned._ That was a weird word. _Know what else is a weird word? Potato. Po-tay-tooooe._ Wow, I was starting to think that Carlisle had shot massive amounts of drugs directly into my brain.

"I'd like to do an MRI to be certain…" Carlisle said something else medical.

_Huh?_ What was he saying? _Just nod your head._ I told myself.

"Sure. Whatever," I mumbled out.

Carlisle said something about looking at images of my internal organs. I didn't really see what the point in that was. Hadn't he just seen my internal organs just hours ago when he cut me open?

My stomach had had so many pictures taken that I'm surprised they hadn't turned up in some magazine. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if I was thumbing through a medical magazine two years from now and came across a picture of my insides.

_"Hey…is that my gallbladder? Oh…and look at how skinny my pancreas was back then. Geeze, pancreas really let himself go after liver split up with him…such a shame. They were such a cute couple…"_

I was picturing talking, living organs? How many pain killers had Carlisle given me? I'd never been this drunk in my entire life. Whatever he had given me, it was enough to deaden my senses, but I still had an edge to my personality. Geeze, I could get used to this. _I'm a bitch…but a funny bitch._

"What were you saying about the MRI?" I was so out of it that I completely missed everything Carlisle had just said. He started yacking again and I nodded like I understood, but in reality, all I could hear was a faint buzzing sound.

"Uh huh." I answered some question that Carlisle asked. "Hey, after the MRI, can I go home?"

"You're kidding, right?" Seth grumbled. "Leah, you just had major surgery."

"It is very imperative that you get the proper treatment," Carlisle nodded.

Oh, well. It was worth a shot.

"Fine," I frowned. "Do your little tests on me."

I was so doped up that I really didn't care that he wasn't going to let me go home. Hell, if they kept me on these pain killers, they could keep me here for the rest of my life. I could spend eternity laughing at these sparkly motherfuckers.

"I'll be right back. I just have to get the machine set up." Carlisle disappeared.

I turned and looked at Seth. "I take it that you and Jacob watched me sleep all night?"

"For the most part," Seth yawned.

"You two have got to stop doing that," I grumbled.

"As soon as you stop getting bitten by vampires and mauled by werewolves."

"Isn't watching me sleep boring?"

That was a stupid question. I was never boring. Jacob had told me that I said some interesting things while I was asleep. Some of the swear words I called Sam cracked him up. A few nights ago, I had apparently called him a titsucking anal-sac.

"I really wish you two would get a new hobby. Seriously, it's creepy," I shivered.

"You're telling me." Seth turned his nose up. "You think I _wanted_ to hear you whispering Jacob's name all night?"

My face got serious. The kid really killed my buzz.

"Please tell me that you're joking."

"I wish," Seth frowned.

"Hmm, did I say anything about his…"

Seth interrupted me before I could finish. "No! No, it was just his name. Nothing more. And I don't want to _hear_ anything more…" He glanced around the room nervously. "Hey, do you know what 'MRI' stands for?" Seth tried to change the subject.

"More Ridiculous Imagery. Midget Rodeo Incorporated?" I jokingly had a few guesses. "Major Retarded Irritant?" I smiled. "Oh, I know. My Raging Intestines." That was a good one. It was relevant.

Seth was looking at me with worry and concern. "How drugged up does he have you?"

"Remember the time that you accidentally took one of Embry's mom's Valium thinking that it was a vitamin?" Seth was only about seven when he'd done that. Mom found him watching _Lamb Chop's Play Along_ and staring blankly at one of the puppets because the buttons it had for eyes were freaking him out. I remember him screaming, _"Why do the donkey and the dog have clothes on? Animals don't wear clothes! The lamb is naked!"_

Seth chuckled softly at the memory. "Yeah."

"Times that by about a thousand."

"Well, I guess as long as you're not in pain..."

"Little brother, I can honestly say that I don't feel a damn thing." I was pretty sure that the numbing agent was wearing off because my stomach was tingling. But it didn't hurt. "I'm fine." I reassured him. "Why don't you go help Jacob kick Sam's ass?" I questioned.

How long had Jacob been gone? I'd lost all sense of time. I'm not even sure what day it was anymore. And I didn't really care.

"I can't," Seth admitted.

"Why not?"

"Cuz Jacob ordered me to stay with you."

"I'm sorry. That job sucks," I laughed.

Seth didn't say anything back. He just shrugged. Something told me that he would have stayed with me even if Jacob hadn't told him to.

Carlisle returned a few minutes later. Emmett and Jasper were with him.

"Great. My own personal chauffeurs," I muttered quietly.

"Where to, Madam?" Emmett grinned jokingly.

"Actually, I'm kind of craving a burger right now. Where's the nearest _Burger King_?" I asked.

Emmett flipped something with his foot and I felt the bed shift from under me. I glanced down and saw that we were moving_—_I think. It was kind of hard to tell because I was still pretty stoned.

I had to wonder who had come up with the idea to shove wheels on to the bottom of a bed. Maybe some bouncy insomniac got bored one night and declared, _"Hmm, I don't feel like sleeping in this room tonight. But how in the world could I get my bed into the living room? Maybe I'll invent a movable bed!"_

Of course, this wasn't all bad. At least I didn't have to humiliatingly be carried by someone.

"A bed on wheels…this is totally awesome." I loved pain meds so much right now. I don't know what kind of drug cocktail the doctor had cooked up for me, but I was just floating on air. Wait, was I floating on air, or was I gliding on wheels? I looked up at Emmett. "I hope you drive better than you tell jokes."

"Relax. Just enjoy the ride."

"You're going to turn me into one of those crash test dummies, aren't you?" I snorted.

"Only if you annoy me," Emmett grinned.

I glanced up and noticed that Jasper was walking with us.

"So, did you lose a bet or something? Why are _you_ next to my bedside?" I asked Jasper.

I think I saw a slight smile form on his hardened face for just a brief second.

"To keep you from killing Emmett," Jasper answered.

"You're using your powers to drug her up even more?" Emmett laughed.

"She would have been strangling you by now if I wasn't." Jasper smiled politely at me. It weirded me out. He had a gentlemanly, southern smile. All that was missing was him tipping a cowboy hat and calling me "ma'am."

"Aw, I knew you cared about me, you big softie," Emmett joked.

"Emmett, maybe you should slow down. If you crash her into a wall, I think Jacob and Seth might get upset." Jasper took an educated guess.

I scoffed at his nerves. A neurotic vampire? Wow. Now I _had_ seen everything.

"You call this a ride? Please…my dead grandmother drives faster." I rolled my eyes at Emmett.

"Don't encourage him, Leah." Jasper shook his head.

"You know, I've been trying to get Edward and Jasper to race me down the hallway on these things," Emmett nodded. "But they won't. I think they just know they'll lose."

I'm not sure how much time passed, but I barely even remembered getting the MRI. I went through some giant hole in a bigass machine. It was probably a very expensive piece of equipment, but all I could do was chuckle to myself as I got pulled into the machine, _"A small object going into a big hole. Hmmm, this must be exactly what Rachel's vagina sees when she and Paul get freaky."_ I laughed. I had to remember that one for later. I could call him up just to say that, laugh, and then hang up.

_"Hey, Paul__—__you have a tiny penis. Bye." _

I spent most of the time in the machine trying to remember what it was that Paul had named his Vienna Sausage. The other boys weren't shy about sharing their names. Boys have such disgusting minds. But I seem to recall that Paul didn't want to share his _pet's_ name…

I think it was Jared who'd finally told the other boys Paul's nickname for his dong. The pack was giving Jared hell for what he called his, _Bone-Hur._ None of the guys got it_—_because none of them knew anything about history. _Bone-Hur! Come on, guys! Like Ben Hur?_ No one responded, so Jared continued, _And it can also be translated into "boner?"_

_Lame, dude._ Quil shook his head.

_At least it's better than Paul's. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror if my dick's name was "My Little Trooper."_

I'd been the one who laughed the hardest at that. Paul was quick to defend himself.

_Shut up! I was eight when I named him!_

I snapped back into reality when I heard the machine cut off. I stopped laughing as I slid out of the machine. I realized that my pain medications were finally wearing off. There was a numb pain filling my entire body.

"The results should be up in a few minutes for me to look at." Carlisle smiled at me. "How are you feeling?"

"How many times a day are you going to ask me that?" I asked.

"Oh, only about a hundred_—_give or take…" Carlisle winked. Had a _vampire_ just _winked_ at me? Maybe I was still high. He was silent for a moment and then checked my vitals. "I've got to get a little blood from you."

"You mean there wasn't enough in my stomach?" I rolled my eyes. He drew some blood and then handed it to Esme to go and do God knows what with it.

I watched as Carlisle examined me for probably the thousandth time this morning.

"You know, I never did ask you how the surgery went. Apparently, I'm still alive, so you sorta know what you're doing." I wonder if he could tell that was a compliment.

"I have been practicing for quite a long time," Carlisle explained.

"So, am I going to make it?" I asked.

"I have high hopes," Carlisle nodded.

"Well, what miracle did you perform this time?"

"I just removed the source of the bleeding."

"I thought I heard you say something about my spleen and one of my kidneys?" I questioned. I recalled him talking to Seth and Jacob about me having body parts removed while they thought that I was unconscious. Carlisle had chattered on about taking some of my organs. He was probably going to sell them on the black market. I bet werewolf organs were hard to come by.

"No. Your kidneys were fine."

"Just my spleen, then?"

He sighed. I saw him glance away nervously for a second.

"What aren't you telling me?" I frowned.

"Leah, the damage to your internal organs was severe."

"Oh, that explains the _internal bleeding,_" I said sarcastically.

"One of your ovaries was damaged beyond repair."

Now I suddenly understood why he was hesitant to talk to me about this. As much as I tried to hide the fact that I was okay with being a freak of nature who couldn't have kids, everyone around me had to know how much it pissed me off. Especially the vampires. Because vampires can't have kids either_..._unless it's with a really moronic human.

"You _spayed_ me!?" I exclaimed. "What the hell?"

"If I left it, you would have died."

I was beyond words. The only thing I could think was, _God damn it. That effing blows._

"Leah, are you okay?" Carlisle asked softly.

"Great. I'm just great," I mumbled caustically. I would have thrown more of a fit, but I was still riding high on Carlisle's Magic Carpet Ride of drugs.

I didn't say much as they took me back to my perfect little smelly vampire suite. The first thing I noticed when I returned is that Jacob was back. He and Seth looked like they were arguing about something. It was probably over who looked better in a dress. Personally, I think my brother would look better in a nice little Vera Wang original. Jacob didn't have the legs to pull something like that off. Whatever they were arguing about, they shut up when they saw me coming.

"What the hell is _he_ doing here?" Seth snarled.

They saw me being wheeled into the room and they were both suddenly silent.

Jacob was by my side an instant later. "Hey, you're back."

"Hey. So are you."

"As soon as I read the results, I'll be in to let you know something." Carlisle left the room to go look at my MRI. I bet he was sick of seeing my insides.

Seth and Jacob stared at each other awkwardly.

"So…what are you two lovers quarrelling over?" I questioned.

"Well…" Jacob glanced around the room. It took a moment for his eyes to fix on mine.

"Go ahead," Seth laughed. "Tell her. I can't wait to see her claw your eyes out."

"Sam's here to talk to you." Jacob spit out. "He wanted to talk to you, and as much as I wanted to throttle him for even thinking about it, I knew you'd be pissed if I made the decision _for_ you," he explained. "So_—_just say the word, and I'll kick his ass to kingdom come."

Wow. This day just kept getting suckier and suckier.

"Leah?" Jacob was worried about my lack of response. He probably thought that I was still high on pain killers. Unfortunately, I wasn't. I was starting to come down from my loopy, little thoughts.

"Sam's here?"

Jacob nodded warily.

I thought for a moment. The sole reason that I was in this crappy little vampire hospital was because of Sam Uley. I let a dark laugh escape my mouth.

"What are you laughing at?" Jacob questioned.

"My life."

"I'll send him away with a black eye and a broken clavicle if you want." Jacob offered to beat the crap out of him.

"I wish he would've just left without saying anything," Seth muttered.

"What are you talking about?" I glanced at my brother.

I saw Jacob shoot him an irritated look. Seth mouthed the word "sorry," but he didn't really look sorry.

"Sam is talking about moving."

Out of all of the things that Jacob could have told me, that is not something I was expecting.

"Excuse me?"

"He and Emily want to move away from La Push."

Not that I cared, but…why?

"He wanted to talk to you about it himself," Jacob frowned.

_Cuz he hasn't done enough to make me uncomfortable in life already?_

I sighed. This wasn't like Sam at all. Why the hell would he pick up and move? He hadn't wanted to run away after he mauled Emily. I started to think about the pros and cons of Sam leaving. Turns out_—_there were no cons.

"I can send him away, Leah," Jacob assured me.

"No." I shook my head. "There are a few things I need to say to him," I admitted. _You're a fucking coward that has ruined my life_ was the major one.

"Are you…"

"Just let me get it over with." I interrupted him. I needed to do this. I had been holding back for too long.

"Okay." Jacob looked at me unsurely. I could hear Seth grumbling to himself in the corner. Jacob disappeared for a minute and when he came back, Sam and Emmett were behind him. I noticed that Emmett didn't look like his naturally playful, dumbass self. He was guarded. Sam looked annoyed with Emmett.

"Do you follow _everyone_ around like a brainless moron?" Sam asked Emmett.

"Just the jackasses who get their jollies by planning to murder children," Emmett shrugged.

"I'm not the one who sucks the life out of living things here," Sam frowned.

"No. You just spend your free time ripping apart your ex-girlfriend."

"Are they paying you to be my personal bodyguard now?" I asked Emmett dryly.

"Nah. I just like making the mutt uncomfortable." Emmett looked at Sam with a sneer on his face.

The room was quiet. Sam knew that all eyes were on him. And he knew that everyone in the room wanted to kill him for some reason or another.

He cleared his throat. "Would you mind if we did this in private?" he questioned.

Before I could respond, Seth let out a growl from the corner.

"If you think we're stupid enough to leave you alone with her, you've got another thing coming," Seth snapped.

"I know that you're upset with me, Seth," Sam sighed.

"Upset?" Seth asked calmly. "Dude, you nearly _killed_ my sister!" he growled. It only took him three paces and he was up against Sam. He backed him into a wall and put his arm up to Sam's throat. Sam didn't try to fight back. He just watched Seth calmly. Jacob and Emmett did the same. "If you _ever_ lay your grubby, little claws on her again, I will break you in half."

"Yeah, and I'll help him." Emmett let out a chuckle.

I could see Seth's arm pushing against Sam's windpipe. Seth was shaking uncontrollably. Jacob finally intervened. Something told me that he wanted Seth to kill Sam, but he let his better judgment win out in the end. Too bad my boyfriend had a conscience.

"Seth." Jacob cleared his throat and gently pried him off of Sam. "Go cool down."

"But…"

"Leah, it's up to you. What do you want us to do?" Jacob didn't let Seth finish.

"Please say 'kill the dog,' please say 'kill the dog,'" Emmett begged. It dawned on me that Emmett wasn't just upset about what Sam had done to me. I had been through so much that I'd almost forgotten that Sam wanted to kill Nessie. That had to piss Emmett off too.

"I'll be fine," I said.

Jacob nodded. He and Seth shared a look. Seth looked pissed, and Jacob looked worried. Emmett was the first to leave, and Seth stormed after him. Jacob stayed in the room for a minute. He looked at Sam.

"Five minutes." Jacob curled his lip up at Sam.

I laughed. I didn't need five minutes. I'd probably kick him out after two.

Jacob didn't say anything else as he walked over and kissed my forehead. He snarled at Sam as he left the room.

Sam stood in an awkward silence for a few seconds.

"Speak, jackass." Wow, it felt cool to be able to command him to do something.

"Leah, words can't even describe how sorry…"

"You know what? I changed my mind. I _don't_ want to hear your pathetic attempts to tell me what a huge mistake you made. You fucked up. Plain and simple. And now you want to pick up and _move_ because you're not man enough to face those mistakes!"

He looked confused. "I thought you'd be happy to have me out of your life."

"You've been out of my life since the day you walked out on me. The only reason we stayed in touch is because you're engaged to my cousin." And because I had been royally screwed over and handed the destiny to be a god damn werewolf. "You think I want the entire town blaming me for running the happiest couple in the universe off? Screw that!"

"No one will be blaming you."

I glared at him. "They always do. It's always been _my_ fault. _I'm_ the hateful bitch that pushed you away. You remember when you left me for Emily? Whose side was most of La Push on? You're a freaking _God_ there, and they don't see that you do anything wrong. When you left me, the entire town thought it must have been something _I_ did. Of course, it's _always_ bitchy little Leah's fault."

I closed my eyes and bit my tongue to try and keep my anger at bay. Phasing now probably wouldn't be a good idea.

"_Someone_ always gets blamed, Sam. It wasn't _your_ fault when you imprinted on Emily because of the stupid wolf thing. And it wasn't _Emily's_ fault that you fell in love with her…though she _did_ have a choice in the matter. I know that she can't help that she loves you. Because I wish every damn day that I'd _never_ loved you. So, who's left to blame? In the end, it was _my_ fault for being such a screw up. And that's the way it's always going to seem to everyone. And if you run away like the coward that you are, it's only going to make me seem like even more of a bitch. So don't you dare use me as an excuse, you selfish bastard."

"No one will blame you." He sounded like a broken record. The asshole never was good with words.

"I'm not an idiot. I saw the way people looked at me. Other than the Elders, no one knew what was going on. Hell, even _I_ started to wonder what I'd done wrong. You put me through hell," I snarled.

"I know." He looked at the ground sadly.

"And now you want to run off and leave because you're a pussy. You suck, Sam. You suck major ass." When I huffed out my angry snarl, I could feel my stitches pulling on my stomach. I groaned uncomfortably.

Sam frowned and leaned forward nervously, "God, I am so sorry." He shook his head. "I really do feel awful. I shouldn't have lost control. I know that you didn't mean those things you said about Emily…"

Actually, I did.

"I overreacted," Sam sighed.

"You think!?" I yelled. I growled, "Nearly dying, hours of surgery, and to top it all off, I just found out that even if I _do_ stop phasing, I'll probably still never have kids because Carlisle had to take one of my ovaries. You son of a bitch. You took _everything_ away from me, and now I find out that you took _this_ from me too?" I snarled at Sam. I started to get frustrated. My hands were shaking.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Stop saying you're sorry!" I spit. "Just...get the hell out before I strangle you with this IV line!"

I could feel my heart racing. Sam cocked his head and then frowned at me.

"Lee_—_your nose is bleeding."

"Get the fuck out!!" I yelled. I clenched my jaw in anger and tried to stop my trembling. My eyes clouded over in anger.

All I could hear for a few seconds was silence. But then I heard someone else enter the room. I felt a cool hand on my wrist. After a second, I felt something thick running through my IV line. My arm burned a bit.

"Leah? I need you to calm down." I could hear Carlisle's voice. How could a vampire have such a comforting voice?

_Not while Sam's here._ I growled in thought.

"Sam, you need to leave." So, the mindreader was back. Wonderful.

_Tell him I hope that he gets raped by a giant, angry ape._ My thoughts were starting to get weaker. I rested my head against the pillow and just had to hope that someone else would finish telling Sam off for me.


	36. We're not done yet

**I'm so glad that so many of you love Emmett. My friends have all come to the conclusion that I'm just channeling myself for him…lmao. Yeah, so I'm a goofy little prankster, what of it? *sigh* I'll never grow up. The world needs people who make others smile. There's not enough laughter today!  
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**Chapter 36:**

**We're not done yet**

**Jacob's point of view:**

At first, I didn't like the idea of leaving Sam and Leah alone. It wasn't long after I'd left her room that I decided that I didn't want to wait for Leah to ream Sam out. I wanted to kick his ass too badly. But Esme quickly distracted me with food. Damn her. She knew I couldn't resist her kickass cooking, and I was starving. Freaking werewolf appetite. As if having the metabolism of a teenage boy didn't suck enough, I also had to have an insatiable hunger that never went away. I was just one giant tapeworm_—_always hungry and wanting more.

I quickly inhaled one of Esme's English Muffins. How could she be such a good cook? She never actually _ate_ anything. How did she get flavor to burst like this? I ate another muffin and then walked into the living room to check on Seth. I wanted to make sure that he hadn't freaked out and phased. He was pretty upset about Sam being here. I found him in the living room arguing with Emmett.

"Geeze, man, you're really itching to fight with someone, aren't you?" I asked.

Emmett? Really? He was trying to fight with Emmett? That would be like a kitten fighting a grizzly bear. I laughed when I realized that I didn't know which one of them would be which in that situation. Emmett certainly had the advantage in strength, but I knew what a mellow pansy he really was. Though in size he could be compared to a grizzly bear, his demeanor was that of a big, fluffy kitty with pointy teeth. And Seth was usually fun-loving and eager like a kitten, but I knew that years of living with Leah, losing his dad, and watching his sister nearly die had probably helped him build up a healthy dose of repressed anger. So, I really couldn't say for sure who would win in their fight.

"What's the matter, Seth? Did he tell you one too many bad jokes?" I chuckled.

"We're fighting over which one of us gets the first shot at Sam." Seth shrugged.

Oh, okay. That was a legitimate thing to fight over. And actually, I wanted in on that fight. Because _I_ wanted to be the one who punched Sam's lights out.

"He was going to kill my niece." Emmett frowned.

"Yeah? Well, he nearly _did_ kill my sister."

"Hmm, that's a good point. Okay. You can take him. Just save me a piece," Emmett said. Something told me that this was the first time in his entire life where he let someone _else_ win an argument.

"I'm not making any promises," Seth said.

"You're all idiots." Alice shook her head. "None of you will actually do it."

"How do you know? You can't _see_ us, remember?" I laughed.

My laughter was cut to an abrupt halt when Sam entered the room. Everyone growled at him. We sounded like a damn kennel. When I looked at Sam, I could see that something weird was going on. He looked flustered. Damn, Leah must have really ripped into him. Good for her.

"Aw, what's the matter, Sam? Are you gonna cry?" I taunted him.

Sam didn't respond as he glanced at me with a stunned look on his face. Maybe he was just getting over the initial shock of seeing how bad he fucked Leah up. He remained silent as his face continued to speak volumes of anxiety. It didn't take me long to realize that there was more going on than I was aware of.

"I'm sorry, Jake." He looked around nervously. Everyone was eyeing him. I'd heard Leah yelling at him a few minutes ago. And he deserved every bit of it. But the way in which he was staring at me concerned me. He didn't look upset by the fact that he'd just been reamed out by his ex-girlfriend. He looked like he felt guilty for something. "I didn't mean to upset her."

"It's what you do best," I frowned sourly.

"Carlisle said it had something to do with her heart…" He sounded shocked.

I felt a skip in my own heartbeat when I heard Sam mention that. My palms started to sweat.

"I didn't…I mean…I…"

Crap. If Sam was stuttering, something was _really_ wrong. I could feel the panic building up in my chest. I should have known that bringing him here was a mistake. I should have killed him in the woods and left his bloody carcass for the worms to eat.

"What are you talking about?" Seth questioned.

I didn't give Sam a chance to explain as I threw him against the wall.

"What the hell did you do to her?" I snarled.

"She was yelling at me. She got herself fairly worked up…"

I slammed Sam against the wall again and it created a dent where his head hit. My heart started racing as I thought about Leah being hurt again by Sam. I still didn't know what the hell he'd done to her this time, but I wasn't about to let him explain. He was done. He wasn't going to hurt her anymore. Not if I had anything to say about it. I threw a couple of punches at Sam. My hands pressed angrily against his windpipe. He tried to fight back, but I just slammed him against the wall again.

"You can't possibly hate me as much as I hate myself right now," Sam whined out. I was sick of his complaining. _"Oh, poor me. Feel sorry for me...because I feel sorry for myself!"_ Shut the hell up already!

"Wanna bet?" I snapped.

"Jacob, she's okay." It was Edward behind me. He didn't dare touch me. I'm sure that he could see how pissed I was. I saw Sam starting to turn purple. He gasped for air. I felt Edward's icy, disgusting leech breath against my back. "Jacob…" Edward spoke softly this time.

"No! I am _sick_ of his shit," I snapped. "He doesn't deserve to live happily ever after. After everything he's done, he doesn't deserve it." I glanced at Edward. "Did you forget that he wanted to kill your daughter?"

"I am fully aware of what Sam Uley holds in his thoughts." Edward reminded me. The way he looked at Sam enraged me. It almost looked like the parasite felt _sympathy_ for the same guy who wanted to kill his kid just days ago.

"Yeah? Well, tell me when they're silent." I turned my attention back to killing Sam. _And you're a fucking moron if you're falling for his "I repent. I'm so sorry" act._ I snapped at Edward in thought.

"Twenty bucks on Leah's new man." I heard Emmett chuckle from behind me.

"No way. Even without my power I know who's going to win this," Alice responded. "I'm not going to just _give_ my money away like that."

"There are more important matters at hand…" Great. Preacher Father Carlisle was here to break us up. I still didn't take my hands off of Sam's neck.

"Jacob, you need to listen to Carlisle," Edward said.

_Just give me a second. I'm almost done killing him. And also…don't tell me what to do._

Sam was able to deliver a blow to my stomach. I loosened my grip on him and stumbled back a few feet. Sam collapsed on to the ground, coughing and trying to catch his breath. He had dried blood from where the cuts on his face were already healing over.

"Jake…" Seth said softly from behind me.

"What?" I spun around. I'm sure he could see the irritated look on my face. I stiffened up when I saw Carlisle next to Seth.

I'd almost forgotten that I'd heard Carlisle's voice while I was concentrating on blocking Sam's airway. That pesky "murder" thing was the only thing driving me.

Carlisle had that "worried" doctor face again.

"What happened?" I asked.

"The MRI has brought something to my attention. I'm still waiting on her bloodwork to be certain." Carlisle did his whole "medical" thing.

"How long will that take?"

"Esme has it running now. We should know something in about ten minutes."

I looked at Sam. He was still on the ground, leaning against the wall.

"We're not through here, yet," I growled at him as I disappeared back to Leah's side. I wanted to see for myself that she was okay, so I quickly made my way back to her room.

She was asleep. She was getting pale again. I sighed. I wish she would stop doing this whole "life or death" thing. It was really starting to upset me.

"You know, if you wanted my attention there are better ways of getting it." I brushed some hair out of her face. I leaned forward and put my cheek against her chest for a second. My ear was right above her heart. I just laid there listening to her heartbeat for a few minutes and then sat back up. "God, Leah. What are you doing to me? You can't keep freaking me out like this," I said quietly. Her constant crashing was cruel…even for her.

I heard Seth come in the room behind me.

"Carlisle should be here in just a minute to go over the bloodwork." He paused and then lowered his voice. "Hey, do you think I should call my mom?"

"Not yet." I shook my head. We still didn't know anything yet. Telling Sue would just freak her out…and piss Leah off.

Seth laughed softly, "Maybe I should at least take the car back. She's probably reported it stolen by now."

"She's too busy _making out_ with the policeman to actually talk to him." I teased him.

"You are such an ass sometimes," Seth grumbled. He punched me in the shoulder. But it wasn't a "serious" punch. It was more like a "you're annoying, so I'm going to slap you like a little girl" punch. I knew Seth was frustrated, so I didn't mind if he wanted to take it out on me. In fact, I was encouraging him to do so, because he needed to vent in _some_ way…or else he might just go off the deep end.

Carlisle was in the room a few minutes later. The look on his face was one I'd never seen before. He almost looked…_confused_?

"Her body isn't producing platelets." Carlisle shook his head. "Her hematocrit is very low."

"I'm sorry_—_I don't speak 'doctor.'" I had no clue what the hell he'd just said.

"It means that we need to find a blood donor for her after all." Carlisle put it in the simplest terms that he could. "She's still losing blood."

"I thought you fixed her." I frowned.

"I can't explain where the bleeding is coming from. She's a medical anomaly."

"Fancy word." I had to laugh. Leave it to Leah to be dying of something that even the world's oldest doctor couldn't figure out.

"There were some lesions on the MRI. They look almost…metallic."

"Like important words highlighted in books or something?" Seth asked stupidly. I was going to chalk that up to the fact that he hadn't been sleeping lately. Or, the fact that he hadn't been to English class in a while.

"_Metallic_. Not _italic,_ you idiot." I turned to Carlisle. "What does it mean? Carlisle, what's wrong with her? Why is she having these problems?"

"Well, I'm not certain, but I think it has something to do with the vampire venom she was exposed to earlier in the week. I believe that some of the venom stayed in her bloodstream. It circulated until it could attack all of her systems from one area."

"Again_—_you're speaking in tongues. I don't understand." I furrowed my brow.

"The lesions that I saw in the MRI are in her brain. Simply stated, the venom is still poisoning her."

I remembered something that Leah had said the day after she'd been bitten. We had been joking about her snoring. She'd laughed as she lightheartedly asked me, _"Do you think it's related to the venom poisoning my brain_?_"_

How close was she when she spouted that out?

"I believe all of the symptoms that she is having is just masking the real problem."

"Which is what?"

"The venom." He explained that the venom was short circuiting something in her brain…which was 'confusing the hell out of her body'…my words, not the doctor's.

"What can we do to fix it?" Seth asked quietly.

"If we don't get the venom out of her brain, there isn't anything else I can do."

Crap. And there was the phrase I would have paid him a million dollars not to say. I'm sure that doctors said it all the time. I thought about how difficult it must really be to be a physician. There was just so much that could go wrong. Things like this happened every day. And even though we thought that Leah was going to be okay, it was hard to know for sure. The vampire doctor was trying his hardest. I knew that. I also knew that if something happened to her, the outcome would weigh heavily on Carlisle. It didn't have to be like that, but it would be…because for some crazy reason, Carlisle cared about _everyone._

"Do everything you can." It was hard not to scream, because I was so aggravated. Not at him, but at the situation.

I looked down at Leah and sighed. I shook my head. Why couldn't anything in my life ever go according to plan?

Oh, right. Because it was _me_. Just my luck. Just _our_ luck. We had both finally gotten to a point in our lives where we were _happy_ and now this was happening.

"How long do we have?" I wanted to hit myself for asking that question. I really didn't want to know an exact time and date. I never won when I was fighting against the clock. I laughed at the irony. A werewolf frozen in time that couldn't _beat_ time.

"I don't know. All I do know is that when her heart rate increases, her symptoms worsen. When she was agitated a few minutes ago…" _At Sam_. I growled to myself in thought. "…her heart went into an arrhythmia. I gave her some medication to help, but it's important to keep her quiet and calm."

Jesus. She was screwed. How in the hell were we going to keep Leah Clearwater _calm_? That was nearly an impossible feat. Maybe we could use Jasper. He would have his work cut out for him with her.

"I believe that if we act fast enough, we can still save her," Carlisle continued. "As soon as she's stable enough, we can take the next step."

"And what exactly is the next step?"

"The lesion is on an area of the brain that I believe can be reached surgically."

"_More_ surgery?" Seth whined from behind us.

Carlisle wanted to do brain surgery on Leah? She was going to throw a fit about that.

_"The leech wants to give me a lobotomy? Forget it!"_

"We need to get her stabilized first. And to get her stable, she _will_ need a blood transfusion. It would be best to see if anyone in your pack has the same blood type as her." We already knew that Seth and I weren't a match.

"What about all that O-negative blood you had stashed for when Bella was pregnant? How about we just use that for the time being?" I didn't understand why he wanted to waste time trying to find someone with Leah's exact blood type. Besides, the girl was one of a kind. No one's blood would ever be _exactly_ like hers.

"At this point, I don't know if it would do much good. I think the best chance she has is if she receives blood from someone with the same cells and genetic make-up that your pack shares."

"Carlisle, what if no one is a match?" I swallowed a knot in my throat.

He pushed his lips together in thought and refused to answer. Maybe he didn't _have_ an answer. Or maybe the answer was, _"In that case, we're fucked."_ I would _love_ to hear the good doctor say the "f" word. I couldn't imagine His Holy Father spouting that out.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Carlisle said. "Let's just see if anyone in your pack is a match."

Oddly enough, I didn't have anything to worry about. I heard a soft voice from the doorway.

"We have the same blood type," Sam said quietly.

"Are you certain?" Carlisle asked.

Sam nodded.

"How do you know?" I questioned. How did I know that this wasn't just something else Sam could screw up?

"When Emily was in the hospital, we found out that she, Leah, and I all share the same blood type. I…uh…couldn't donate for Emily because of my status as a wolf."

"Why? She gets your spit and your sperm," I growled angrily. Why was it any different than Emily sharing other bodily fluids with Sam?

Sam ignored my anger. The fact that he kept ignoring my fury just irritated me further.

"Billy told me that it would be too risky since I was a wolf. He was concerned about a human getting a werewolf's blood. But Leah hadn't started phasing yet. So her blood was safe for Emily. No one else was a match, so Leah donated for her."

God, Leah had given her cousin so much. She came off as someone who didn't give a shit, but underneath it all, she actually cared. She cared so much that she was willing to put on a brave face just weeks after Sam had broken her heart, so that she could be there for the person who had _helped_ him break her heart.

Carlisle walked over to Sam. Sam flinched away uncomfortably. He was in a room full of people who wanted him dead, and he was afraid of _Carlisle_? How much wussier could Sam Uley get?

"Would you be willing to allow me to draw some blood from you to verify that you are a match?" Carlisle questioned.

"As long as you don't take it from my neck," Sam nodded with a sneer.

"I'll be happy to make you bleed." _Again._ I offered. I watched as Carlisle and Sam disappeared.

"Are we really going to let him do this?" Seth huffed angrily.

"It's about time he lost some blood to Leah," I said. I had to ignore the fact that ten minutes ago I wanted to murder him. Because if keeping him alive meant keeping Leah alive, how could I disagree with that? Besides, I could always murder him later. Or let Leah get better and then let _her_ murder him.

"He's the reason she's in this situation!" Seth complained.

"What other choice do we have?" I asked.

Seth looked at his sister and sighed. He knew that I was right. But that didn't mean that he wasn't going to complain. And I let him. He grumbled and groaned and acted like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum.

"Geeze, chill out, kid. You're worse than Claire when her mother refuses to buy her ice cream." I shook my head.

"It's Sam Uley," Seth grumbled. "The _same_ Sam Uley that yanked out her heart…and then her intestines."

"I know." I gritted my teeth together. I hated this as much as he did.

"Can we kill him afterwards?" Seth questioned.

"We'll see," I nodded. _Hell, yes._

I couldn't stand the fact that Sam might think of himself as some shithole white knight riding in to save Leah. He did not deserve to feel good about himself in any way. This was his fault. Who cares that he just so happened to have the same blood type as Leah? That was just a very unfortunate coincidence. If he acted like a savior, I'm pretty sure everyone in this house would rip him to pieces. Sam wasn't a white knight. He was the freaking dragon that needed to be slayed.

Besides, Leah never struck me as the damsel in distress. She was more the type to face the villain herself. When the hero got there, all he would find was pieces of the bad guy's skull and Leah with a big, fat grin on her face.

The hero would ride in with a determined look on his face. _"I'm here to…save you?"_

_"No, thanks. I'm good. By the way, what took you so long? You know if I was a regular, helpless, storybook idiot, I would have been dead by now. You're too slow. Congratulations. You suck, Prince Charming."_

"What's on your mind? Try not to think too hard. You might give yourself an aneurysm and end up in the same position I'm in." I heard Leah laughing softly at me.

She was awake. Thank God. Every waking moment that I had with her was important to me…even if she was going to rag the hell out of me for being a clingy, emotional werewolf.

"An aneurysm isn't the thing that's going to be the death of me. You keep scaring the crap out of me, and I'm going to have a heart attack."

"You are such a fraidy cat, Jacob Black."

"Am not." I argued with a smile. But even our playful argument couldn't hide the fact that I was freaking the hell out again. She could see right through my façade. I couldn't act for shit.

"Carlisle lied, didn't he?" Leah sighed. "I'm not going to get better."

"He's working on it."

"Great. And while he spends half a century trying to figure it out, I'm going to die in a pink dress and…" She wiggled her toes and glanced down at her feet. "Who the hell put booties on me?"

I laughed. Emmett must have done that when he took her to get her MRI. I think he _wanted_ her to kick the crap out of him.

"I'm going to die looking like an effing ballerina!" she complained.

"You can't die, I've ordered you not to." I told her about my command. For now, I was going to have to hold on to hope that she couldn't die when I was ordering her to stay alive. I guess we were going to see how strong my Alpha command really was.

"Well then, since my Alpha has commanded me to do something, I guess I _have_ to do it." She rolled her eyes. "Because we all know that I _always_ do what I'm told," she sighed. "How bad is it? Do I need to do some creepy ass last will and testament?"

"You're going to be _fine_, Leah." _You better freaking be fine!_ I pushed my hand against her cheek. "You are going to be fine." My brain couldn't think of anything else to say.

For a moment, she didn't respond. Then she sighed and put her hand on top of mine.

"Don't bullshit me." She shook her head. "You're a crappy liar."

"I am not," I frowned. "You really are going to get through this." _I hope._ I _really_ hoped.

"So, what's wrong with me this time? Did the doctor not take enough of my organs out? Do we have to go back in and remove my other ovary, my kidneys, and one of my lungs?" She closed her eyes softly.

"No. First, Carlisle says you need a blood transfusion. Your color looks like crap, my dear." I winked at her. "The fact that you're starting to look paler than the vampires is a bit concerning."

"Maybe I've got some weird skin bleaching disease. Maybe I have Michael-Jacksonitis." She pushed back playfully. She cringed and then frowned. "As long as they don't make me actually _eat_ the blood, I guess it couldn't hurt."

"There's just one more thing that you need to know about it…" Seth said.

"What? The blood?" Leah asked. "As long as it's not Keith Richard's or Ozzy Osborne's blood, I think I'll be okay," she said. I laughed. If she ended up with some drunk rocker's blood, I could see her running around the house screaming nonsense. "Why do you care who gives me the blood_—_as long as I get it?"

"Because Sam's the one donating it," I admitted.

_Dumbass._ I wanted to hit myself. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? Carlisle said to keep her calm. _That_ was not going to keep her calm.

Thankfully, she didn't react as strongly as I expected her to. It worried me, because I knew that she was either too tired or too weak to throw a fit.

She grumbled, "Well…this day sucks."

This day _did_ suck. But tomorrow would be even worse if Leah didn't make it. I did not want to get up in the morning having lost everything I'd fought so hard for.


	37. More Drugs Please

**Chapter 37:**

**More Drugs Please**

**Leah's point of view:**

Never in my life did I think that I would be begging for more pain medications. My head was killing me, my stomach was throbbing, and there was a very annoying tightness in my chest.

I. Felt. Like. Ass.

And the vampire smell wasn't making me feel much better. But even though I felt like absolute crap, I knew that pain medications weren't going to do any good. They'd just drug me up to the point that I wouldn't care that I was in pain.

_"Ha, ha. I feel like shit. But it's all good...because the monkey with the cymbals in the corner of the room is making me laugh…"_

So, I just grit my teeth and opted to stay quiet. Hell, considering what I had been through in the past week, this was nothing. I tried to focus on something other than my discomfort. I wondered what my mom was doing. No doubt she was cussing at Seth and me for disappearing again. It had to suck being our mom. She never knew if we were dead or alive. And until one of us checked in, she always assumed the worst. But she knew that she couldn't do anything about it.

I was glad that she wasn't here by my bedside shaking like a leaf and whimpering quietly to herself. Though Jacob seemed to have that area covered. I sighed as I watched him try not to break down in front of me. He was probably afraid that I'd call him a sobbing woman. I totally would.

Seth was holding it together very well at the moment. It was probably because he was so exhausted from listening to his big sister snore all night. Or maybe the eternal optimist in him was wishing for the best possible outcome. That's something that I both loved and hated about my brother. His ability to find the good in all situations drove me insane. He seemed to take life as it came. Dad had done a good job teaching him how to just take what life throws at you.

My dad also taught us to try and see things realistically and logically. My father hadn't raised us to be dumb. I wasn't stupid. I knew that something was wrong. That's the only reason I hadn't bailed from the vampire's house this time. I probably wouldn't even make it into the living room before collapsing, forcing Jacob to drag me back here while Emmett made fun of us, calling us _Lady and the Tramp._ Emmett knew more about famous dogs in history than anyone I'd ever met. I was convinced that he spent all of his time researching names to call Jacob and I. He'd once called us "Fly and Rex." I just stared at him in confusion.

"Didn't you ever see _Babe_?" he'd asked me.

"You have way too much time on your hands," I'd frowned.

"How about Balto and Jenna?"

"You need a life in the worst way."

I looked at Jacob. He was trying to hide his fear. Trying and failing. He smiled nervously at me. He didn't have the best poker face in the world.

"Carlisle lied, didn't he?" I knew that I wasn't going to be okay. Why should I get to be happy in life? I sighed. I wasn't feeling any better. In fact, if anything, I felt worse. "I'm not going to get better…" Wow, I was genuinely disappointed about that. When had my will to live reappeared?

Jacob was quick to stop me. He shook his head. "He's working on it."

I could see Carlisle in some gigantic lab wearing glasses, a white coat, and latex gloves playing with all kinds of chemicals and nodding seriously to himself as he wrote the results down.

And while Carlisle did research and stumbled around trying to figure out what the hell was the matter with me, I was going to croak in an itchy, horrible hospital gown in a house full of vampires.

I scoffed, "Great. And while he spends half a century trying to figure it out, I'm going to die in a pink dress…" A pink dress that exposed my ass. Seriously, if I wanted clothes that flashed people, I would take pointers from Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.

I looked underneath the sheet and saw that someone was having a little too much fun while I was unconscious. I knew my feet felt hot. I grumbled, "Who the hell put booties on me?" And why would they do such a thing?

Jacob knew better. So did Seth. I don't think any of the vampires would mess with me either. Except…

_Emmett_. I was going to freaking kill him. I was going to heal, get better, get stronger…all so I could kick the shit out of his ass. I don't know where in the hell he had gotten _booties_ for me. Maybe the big lug had _knitted_ them just to torture me with them. That sounds like something he would've done.

I could see Rosalie walking into the house in confusion.

_"Emmett, why are you knitting?"_

_"It's all part of my evil plan to torture Leah."_

_"Why? Are you going to knit her a dog sweater?"_

_"Close. Booties. Muhahahaha…"_

_"Wow. I'm not really sure why I married you…"_

I groaned to myself. The big prankster might as well have stuck a freaking tutu on me.

"I'm going to die looking like an effing ballerina!"

I saw Jacob tense up. I guess he didn't like to think about me dying. I had forgotten how much he actually cared about me.

"You can't die," Jacob frowned. "I've ordered you not to."

He _ordered_ me not to? That was the most ridiculous, absurd…sweetest thing I'd ever heard. Sometimes I forgot how young and naïve Jacob could be. It was a nice thought, though…trying to keep me from dying with his command, but he couldn't really think that would actually work?

"Well then, since my Alpha has commanded me to do something, I guess I _have_ to do it." I laughed. "Because we all know that I _always_ do what I'm told."

I saw Seth roll his eyes. A weak smile formed on Jacob's lips. But it didn't last for very long. As much as I wanted to be okay for Jacob and Seth, I knew that there was a slight chance that I might not get to grant their request. But it wouldn't be for lack of trying. I'd made that promise to Jacob that I wouldn't just lay down and die. But I needed to know what I was up against.

"How bad is it?" I asked. If they lied to me, I was going to be pissed. "Do I need to do some creepy ass last will and testament?" Of course, it wouldn't consist of much. All it would say would be _"To everyone I know: I hate you. That is all. As far as my possessions, I don't have any…except my room. Seth, you can have my room. Just don't turn it into a frickin' Star Wars shrine. Seriously, kid...you're NOT a Jedi. Grow up."_

Jacob inhaled a sharp breath, "You're going to be _fine_, Leah."

_Liar._

The way that Jacob was looking at me almost killed me. Why did I let him fall for me? I knew I would cause him pain. It's what I did best. I hated myself for letting him care about me, but oddly enough, I _didn't_ hate that I cared about him just as much.

_Snap out of it, Leah. You're turning into a brainless bimbo. Arg, you're turning into Bella Sw—Cullen. You will NOT let love turn your brain to mush like that idiot._

Jacob put his hand against my cheek. And although his face was calm, I could feel his fear. His hand was perfectly still on my face, but I could tell how much he was trembling beneath the surface. God, did I mean _that_ much to him? I just looked at him silently for a minute. When the hell had he fallen this hard for me?

"You're going to be fine." Jacob repeated what he'd just said. I saw him glance away. He looked at the ceiling for a moment before he closed his eyes and took in a breath. His fingers brushed my cheeks nervously. I couldn't stand his anxiety. It was driving me crazy. I wanted to ask him when he lost his penis and grew a vagina. Since when was he the _girl_ in this relationship?

All of my frustration became concern as I watched him try to hold it together. I hated concern. Concern pissed me off. But all I could do was put my hand on Jacob's hand. He looked at me, startled by my sudden show of affection. I held his hand to my face and shook my head.

"Don't bullshit me." It's all that I asked. I didn't want someone telling me that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to know what was really going on. "You're a crappy liar."

He couldn't help but smile and argue with me.

"I am not." He stuck his bottom lip out. The way that he acted like a big baby sometimes used to bother me. But for some reason, I found it enduring today. Hmm, maybe it was the drugs talking. "You really are going to get through this, you know."

_Wishful thinking, kid._ Although, maybe Jacob was right. Who knows what else Carlisle had up his sleeve? The dude was kind of a genius.

"So, what's wrong with me this time? Did the doctor not take enough of my organs out? Do we have to go back in and remove my other ovary, my kidneys, and one of my lungs?" I felt like that game _Operation_. I wonder what Carlisle would do if I buzzed every time he got near me with a scalpel. I sighed. I highly doubted the Milton Bradley version of that game had removable ovaries. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think about the fact that half of my estrogen had been removed. I already felt like a freak, and now I had another reason to be considered even more of a screw up.

Jacob explained to me that I needed a blood transfusion. What a surprise. The vampire wanted to make everything better with blood.

"Your color looks like crap, my dear." Jacob winked at me.

I smiled. _You ass._ I shook my head in thought. Wait a second. Had he just called me _dear_? How sleep deprived was the poor boy?

"The fact that you're starting to look paler than the vampires is a bit concerning," Jacob admitted.

So, my skin was starting to get pale again? Now I knew how Michael Jackson felt. I looked at Jacob with a smile.

"Maybe I've got some weird skin bleaching disease. Maybe I have Michael-Jacksonitis." I chuckled. When I laughed, I could feel that the numbing agent had worn completely off of my stomach. _Ow. Must...stop...laughing._

I cringed. But hopefully they couldn't tell that it was from the pain. "As long as they don't make me actually _eat_ the blood, I guess it couldn't hurt." I'm sure they would assume that the scowl on my face was for the "drinking blood" comment. I didn't want them to see how damn badly I was hurting.

"There's just one more thing that you need to know about it…" Seth said.

I had almost forgotten that my brother was here. He'd been so quiet. I'm surprised that he hadn't grunted for me and Jacob to get a room.

What was it that Seth _needed_ me to know about? The blood?

"As long as it's not Keith Richard's or Ozzy Osborne's blood, I think I'll be okay," I nodded. Though that might be fun. I could see myself completely tripping out after receiving some blood laced with thirty years of drugs and alcohol. I don't think either Ozzy or Keith got through a day in the seventies without being completely trashed.

I saw Seth pouting. He looked annoyed. Jacob had the same look on his face.

"Why do you care who gives me the blood, as long as I get it?" I questioned.

"Because Sam's the one donating it," Jacob said. I glanced at him. He looked irritated with himself for letting that slip. He probably thought that I was going to have a stroke. If I didn't feel so shitty, I would have punched something.

"Well…this day sucks," I sighed. Sam was the last person in the world that I wanted something from. I didn't want to have to be constantly reminded that he had done something nice for me. Although, it was about damn time. He was the reason I _needed_ a blood transfusion.

"Hey, I'm going to go update the guys," Seth said as he walked towards the door.

I couldn't help but torment him. "Quick, Jacob…let's make out. Seth's leaving the room!"

"Ha, ha. Very funny." He disappeared into the hallway.

"Oh, yes! Jacob, don't stop!" I called loudly so my brother could still hear me.

"Not listening!" Seth exclaimed back.

"I am!" I heard Emmett yell.

"Well, you have enough strength to torment your brother. That's a good sign," Jacob smiled.

"How's he been doing?" I questioned.

"Better than me," Jacob mumbled. He shrugged, "He has complete faith that Carlisle will come through for you."

"He always did trust others a little too much." I shook my head. "So, who knows about this?"

"Embry and Quil. Sam probably wouldn't know_—_except for the fact that Quil spilled his guts to him."

"I always knew that he was the weakest link."

"Not exactly. Apparently, Quil called Sam a bastard, told him to mind his own business, reamed him out for what he did to you, and then told him to go eat dog shit."

Wow, it sounded like Quil had been channeling me. I was impressed.

"I'm not sure who Sam has told. I assume he talked to you about his plan to move?"

"Yeah, I basically called him a chicken shit and told him that he had to stay and face his mistakes."

"It's totally a pussy move," Jacob agreed.

"Well…he _is_ a pussy," I shrugged, and then snorted out a laugh. "And you want me to accept his blood?"

"You _are_ going to." He had a serious look on his face. "Carlisle just has to verify that Sam has the same blood type as you," Jacob said. When he said Sam's name, I saw fury in his eyes. I hadn't taken into account how hard it must be for Jacob to let my ex-boyfriend give me his blood.

"I would rather be injected with pigs blood," I frowned. Swine Flu be damned. I'd rather take my chances with a farm animal than let Sam's blood mix with mine.

"I hate it, too," Jacob grumbled. "I'd give you every drop of my blood if we were a match. But it just so happens that Sam might be able to keep you from dying…so I'm going to let him give you his blood." He paused and gave me a very serious look. "And so are you. Do not argue about this with me, Leah."

I couldn't if I wanted to. As much as I hated the idea of Sam donating blood for me, I knew that I didn't have any other options.

I suddenly laughed at the thought of something, "Sam Uley_—_the wuss who is _afraid_ of needles_—_is going to let a _vampire_ stick him and take his blood?" Sam must feel guilty as hell. Good. He needed to. I shook my head "Whatever. As long as he knows where the blame lies."

Jacob suddenly took a step backwards and a growl escaped his mouth. I saw him work to get control of himself.

"What the hell are you growling at, Cujo?" I questioned.

"Sorry. I'm arguing with myself. I'm just so angry…"

"Gee, whatever could have you upset?" I asked sarcastically. He had a lot to choose from. But I wasn't expecting his response.

"I'm just pissed at myself." He shook his head. "This is my fault."

What. The. Hell? He was blaming _himself_?

"Are you kidding me? You've done _everything_ annoyingly possible to make sure that I get out of this okay! You've been on my ass since the vampire bit me. You've been _constantly_ keeping me alive. So please explain to me how in the hell you can fault _yourself_ for this?"

"You were out on the cliff that day because of the things I said to you about you being unhappy. If I hadn't opened my big mouth, you never would have run off."

"What does _that_ have to do with Sam mauling me?"

"That was my fault, too. If you hadn't been coming to warn the Cullens…"

"He came after me because of what I said about Emily. Not because of your plan." I reminded him.

"He was also upset about you and me being together."

"Cause he's an asshole. He had no right to be pissed about that."

"Leah, if I hadn't…"

"I don't want to hear it, Jacob. No one can force me to do something that I don't want to. You know that better than anyone. So stop with the damn self pity. This is _not_ your fault." If anything, it was mine. For constantly getting in over my head. For never letting anyone help me. For being such an incredible dunce.

"Crap. Your heart rate is increasing again," Jacob said with concern on his face.

"So?"

"So…Carlisle said that you're supposed to stay calm. _This_ is not calm," he frowned.

"If it bothers you so much, then just get me a new heart. Hell, I already feel like a car that's been stripped down. Why not go ahead and replace the engine while I'm here?"

"Well, I _do_ know someone who has the same blood type as you…" Jacob said with a small grin on his face.

"If you brought me Sam Uley's heart, I would tell you to pack it with dynamite set to explode on the day of his wedding and then shove it back in his chest!" I exclaimed.

"That would be the funnest, bloodiest wedding ever," Jacob nodded.

"So, she's awake?" I looked up and saw Emmett standing in the doorway grinning at me.

"Visiting hours are over. Come back_—_never," I frowned at him.

"Whoa, you got some of your spunk back. Good for you." Emmett walked in the room.

"Why are you constantly bothering me?" I questioned.

"Because my wife is babysitting, and I'm bored," Emmett shrugged. He checked one of the machines that I was hooked up to. "And I'm your nurse for this morning. If you don't like it, deal with it."

"You are without a doubt_..._the ugliest nurse I have ever seen," I yawned.

"Just for that, I'm going to spit in your Jello," Emmett frowned jokingly.

I rolled my eyes and let out a soft laugh. When I exhaled my breath, I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Leah, are you okay?" Jacob questioned nervously.

"Just tired." I started to drift off. I guess I had used all of my energy tormenting my brother, playing with Jacob, and fighting with Emmett.

"Where's Carlisle?" Jacob asked.

"You've got to relax. You're not going to help the situation any by freaking out, man." Emmett was probably just too stupid to be concerned.

I heard someone else come into the room.

"Oh, great. You're sicking Jasper on me?" Jacob mumbled. "Why?"

"Because I'm all out of marijuana," Emmett snickered sarcastically. My mind filled with hilarious pictures of what Emmett might have been like as a stoner. I could see him poking his muscles and laughing, _"Ha! I can make my man boobies dance!"_

Someone else came in the room. Geeze, it was a god damn vampire circus in this house. And unfortunately, _I_ was the sideshow.

"I think she passed out again," Jacob said. This time his voice wasn't as shaky. Jasper was working his mojo.

"No, I didn't," I responded as I opened my eyes. "Losing internal organs has a way of making you more than a little drained."

"You should feel better once we start the transfusion." Carlisle played with a bunch of machinery. Before I knew it, I was getting Sam's blood. It was kind of bitter_—_or at least, I felt like it was.

And as much as I hated to admit it, it was slowly starting to make me feel better. I listened to Carlisle as he explained to me what was going on. I better understood what he was telling me now compared to when he was talking to me about my MRI earlier. I was so out of it before my MRI that when Carlisle spoke to me, all I could see was his head turning into a giant balloon and floating off of his head. At least I was coherent this time. Though that still didn't help me understand his medical terminology.

At one point, I looked at Jacob. "What did he just say?"

"Hell if I know," Jacob shrugged.

Carlisle tried to explain the situation to me again. All I heard was "blah, blah, blah…venom in your brain…blah, blah…trying to shut down your body…blah…something about surgery."

"Let me get this straight. My brain is shutting down my body and telling my heart to fail?" I frowned. "That has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" I laughed. That sounded like something that might be on some piece of crap daytime television show. My brain wasn't communicating properly with my body? Maybe if I yelled at myself, I could stop all of this from happening, _Hey, brain! What the hell is the matter with you? Stop being so stupid and telling my body to do shit!_ Yeah, if _only_ it were that easy.

"You are the first case of a wolf to survive vampire venom…"

"Well, I'm not doing a very good job of surviving, am I?" I asked coolly.

"Because it's so poorly documented, I was not sure what to expect. But after your MRI, I know exactly what needs to be done. _If_ the venom can be removed, I expect that your body would return to its normal state. You would be able to heal from this."

"Didn't you say the venom was in my brain?" I questioned. Carlisle nodded silently.

"Uh oh. Here it comes," Emmett said quietly. He could see the wheels turning in my head. He knew I was about to blow a gasket.

I looked at Jacob with a frown on my face.

"You knew about this daytime soap opera plot, didn't you?" I asked.

"Carlisle explains it better. I figured that you would be more willing to do the surgery if he explained it to you."

"You want me to let a vampire do brain surgery on me?" I asked calmly. Jacob nodded. "Are you insane? I don't want to turn into an episode of _Grey's Anatomy_." I shook my head.

"Patrick Dempsey is the shit," Emmett grinned.

"Look who has a man-crush," I joked.

"His hair is so smooth," Emmett nodded.

"Gee, Emmett_—_do you whack it to a picture of the guy?" I sniped.

"Only on Thursday nights," Emmett joked.

Damn it. He had too good a of comeback. Fighting with him always took my mind off of the matter at hand. Which…taking into account the look on Jacob's face, maybe I _should_ consider the matter at hand…considering it was my life and all.

"What are my other options?" I asked Carlisle.

"If I don't remove the venom, you will just continue to decline."

"So, in other words_—_it's 'give me surgery, or give me death?'"

"I'm afraid so."

"How much of my brain are you planning to remove?" I rolled my eyes.

Either Carlisle didn't _get_ that I was being facetious, or he was ignoring my cynicism. Either way, he answered seriously.

"I don't believe I will have to resect any of your brain."

"Did you go to school to learn to do brain surgery? Or is it just something that you do in your spare time?"

"Leah, shut up. Carlisle…do the surgery." Jacob laughed a hard laugh.

"I can't operate on her without her consent." Carlisle shook his head.

"Sure you can. Just hit her over the head with a 2 by 4," Jacob frowned. "Besides, you did it before."

"Because I wasn't conscious to make the decision." I did remember drifting in and out. But then again, I had been drifting in and out of consciousness for almost an entire week now. Even if Carlisle didn't scatter my brains, I'm sure I still had brain damage from everything that had happened.

Seth walked in the room.

"Hey, what'd I miss?"

"Dr. Frankenstein wants to make me his monster." I looked at Carlisle and then at Seth.

"I always wondered what ole scar face would look like in pink," Emmett chuckled.

"Don't think I've forgotten about all the crap you've been pulling on me. As soon as I'm better, I'm going to kick your ass." I threatened him.

"So that means you're going to do the surgery?" Seth asked.

I could feel all of their eyes on me. I sighed. Honestly, I was probably going to let Carlisle do the damn surgery on me. But not before bitching about it.


	38. How did I end up here?

**Chapter 38:**

**How did I end up here?**

**Jacob's point of view:**

Carlisle explained what was going on to Leah. I knew that she wouldn't be happy about letting a vampire cut into her brain, but I was hoping that she would have been a little more cooperative. I chuckled to myself. It was Leah. She _never_ cooperated. Why should I expect anything different? It's why I loved the crazy bitch.

"So, if I let you hack my brain to pieces, you'll let me go home?" Leah questioned.

"After you've recovered," Carlisle nodded.

"_Fully_ recovered," I added. "No running away two hours after the surgery." I knew Leah. And I knew that as soon as she felt well enough, she would bolt out of here and probably rupture a brain vessel or something.

"Great," she sighed heavily and closed her eyes. I wasn't sure whether she was in pain or whether she was just incredibly annoyed. "I'm in a house full of our sworn enemies and I'm going to let one of them come at me with a weapon."

So, she was annoyed. Better than in pain. When she was in pain, I couldn't stand it. Because I couldn't fix it. And like most guys, I got really pissed when I couldn't fix something.

Besides, Leah was really cute when she was annoyed. She usually got hot under the surface, so her cheeks flushed with color and her eyes glistened over and they really sparkled. I was a complete sissy for thinking that way, but her eyes really drew me in. I think it's particularly because I could read everything about her through her eyes. Leah wasn't always honest, but her eyes were. That's why I always made her look at me when I really needed her to tell me the truth.

"Sure? Why not? I let everyone else I know beat the crap out of me." She frowned and then looked at Carlisle. "Just one request. Don't kill me."

"Leah!" Seth exclaimed.

We already knew that Carlisle would blame himself if something went wrong with Leah, and I'm sure that statement didn't help matters. _Great, Lee. No pressure._ I grumbled silently.

"This _really_ blows," she complained.

"That's not the only thing in this room that _blows_," Emmett chuckled suggestively.

"Don't you have something better to do?" I grumbled at the giant retard.

"Nope."

"Good thing the walking drugstore is here." Leah glanced at Jasper and then glared angrily at Emmett.

She bitched at Emmett for a few minutes and then she took a quick breather. It made me tense up. I wasn't used to her having to pause between insults. But I knew that she needed to get it out of her system.

Leah asked Carlisle if she could see his medical license. I knew she was joking, but Carlisle still went to the trouble of getting it to show her.

"Looks like a fake," Leah laughed.

"Speaking of _fake__—_you planning on getting anything else done while you're under anesthesia? I mean…I'm just curious," Emmett smirked at Leah.

"You will die. You will die a very painful death." Leah threatened Emmett. She looked at me. "This idiot is not allowed anywhere near me while I'm unconscious."

"Hey, I didn't mean anything by it," Emmett shrugged. "I think you're sexy. I'd totally tap that if we weren't a different species."

I finally lost control of my temper and punched Emmett in the chest. I knew it wouldn't hurt him, but I figured that it would get my message across. _Leave my girl the hell alone._ Leah obviously remembered something that _could _hurt him.

"I'm telling Rosalie," she said with a grin.

"Hell, Rose would probably join in," Emmett said. "She's always been curious…"

It was at this point that Carlisle excused himself from the room. He said something about double checking some of Leah's lab work, but I think he just wanted a reason to get out of the room so he wouldn't have to listen to the swear words that Leah called Emmett.

Leah shook her head. I couldn't tell whether she was pissed or impressed. No one had ever been able to keep up with her attitude before. Usually, I was pretty good at it, but some of the stuff that Emmett spouted out even _I_ couldn't come up with. I think underneath it all, Emmett was just trying to help Leah forget about everything she was going through. He wanted to give her a reason to live. And her kicking his ass seemed to be what he was aiming for. And while I was thankful that he didn't want anything happening to her, he was starting to get on my nerves.

"You are a pig," Leah scoffed. "No, you are a _flea_ on a pig."

"I don't think pigs get fleas."

"Fine, you're a big, fat-ass tick on the balls of a pig," Leah frowned.

"Nice one _Dances with Wolves__—_or should I say _sleeps_ with wolves?" Emmett raised his eyebrows and winked at me.

Emmett was bothering my girlfriend, making completely inappropriate comments, and being a complete dumbass. And yet_..._he was _still_ less annoying than Paul.

I thought about Sam's crappy little pack and wondered how much they really knew. Sam told me something about giving Jared the Alpha position, but how much did they really know? I'm sure that Sam hadn't been completely honest with them. Because the phrase _"My ex is dying because of me__, __so I donated some of my crappy blood to save her"_ would make him look like a total douche. I really needed to finish kicking his ass. I left Leah to argue with Emmett.

"Get out before I throw something at you," Leah snapped at Emmett.

"Oh no, a pillow fight. I just don't think that I can handle that much violence," Emmett laughed.

I knew I didn't have anything to worry about. Seth would be able to hold Leah back since she was injured, and I was pretty certain that Jasper could contain Emmett if he got out of control. I wondered how his mood manipulation worked. Would Jasper just stick out his hands like some creepy, mutant X-men character, causing Emmett to fall into the floor in a stupor with a big smile on his face? I would love to see that. Emmett drooling on himself would cause me to double over in laughter.

After about ten minutes of roaming the mansion, I ended up lost after making a wrong turn down one of the many hallways in this place. Some Bloodhound _I_ was. Where the hell was my sixth sense when I needed it? Man, I would have sucked as one of those rescue dogs.

_"Follow me to safety. I won't let you down. I…wait a second, where am I? Crap. Do I make a right or a left here? Hmm…have I passed that tree before? Sorry, looks like you're going to die out here after all. But on the plus side, I have a ball we can play with to pass the time!"_

"I am a loser. A loser with no sense of direction." I grumbled to myself. Finally, I ran across Carlisle. Edward was with him. They were doing some kind of experiment with Leah's blood. It was a very distinguished smell. _I am so weird. Most guys can't SMELL their girlfriend's blood…_

I saw Edward look at me. Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten about that. He'd inhaled so much of Bella's scent when she was human that I'm surprised the leech wasn't on a permanent high. I laughed. Would that be the next drug craze? Sniffing blood? All the little druggies in high school would be hiding out in the stalls and huffing a vial of their crush's blood with their buddies.

_"This is from the chick that sits in front of me in Biology."_

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and then looked at Carlisle. "Is that Leah's blood?" I knew it was. But I wanted to know _why_ he was experimenting with it. Was there something else that he wasn't telling me?

I sniffed the air. I cringed when I smelled Sam's blood. I had wanted to shed some of his blood today, but not like this.

"Hmm? Oh, yes." Carlisle looked up from what he was doing. It looked like a science lab in here. "I just need to run a few more tests before we can do the surgery."

I frowned, "I get that this is necessary, but is it safe to keep cutting on her like this?"

"Time is of the essence here," Carlisle said.

And now I felt like Leah's assumption that we were turning into a crappy medical TV show was mostly correct. Who said that kind of stuff in real life?

Carlisle darted out of the lab to do something else…probably medically.

I shifted uncomfortably. I didn't want to be standing in the room with the guy I hated the most in this world. Well, maybe Edward had moved down on the list. He _had_ helped save Leah's life. Plus, Sam was number one on my shit list at the moment. Even if Leah did go and do something crazy like forgive him, I _never_ would. He could donate every damn organ in his body to save Leah, and I would still want to watch him die.

"You hate me less than Sam Uley? I'm flattered," Edward said dryly.

And _that's_ why I hated Edward so much.

_Stay in your own mind, fucker._

Carlisle dashed back in the room to grab something else and then disappeared again.

I shook my head. "Does he do that a lot?"

"In this house, we all do," Edward admitted.

I looked to where Carlisle had disappeared to. It's a good thing that he was a vampire that never needed any sleep. Because I don't think that even twelve cups of coffee could keep me from crashing if I was doing half of the work that Carlisle was doing. The poor guy couldn't even escape from work in the comfort of his own home.

"So…does he ever work at the hospital anymore?" I asked Edward.

"Usually he works night shifts." Since the freaks never slept. Edward rolled his eyes at my thoughts and continued, "But he's taken a few days off."

"Ah, so we interrupted a vacation. Leah will be so pleased," I laughed.

"Carlisle just felt that in order to treat Leah properly, he needed to be here."

And that was downright impressive. _That_ is why I didn't have a problem letting Carlisle treat Leah. He had more heart than any _human_ I'd ever met.

"He cares a great deal about others' well-being," Edward nodded in agreement.

"And apparently he's got excellent self-control. If I was the one taking Sam's blood, I would have drained him dry." The asshole deserved to die. Speaking of which…where the hell was he? He'd just donated blood. Did Carlisle just give him a Band-Aid, a cookie and some juice, and then send him on his way?

"Sam did leave after he donated the blood."

_Did I ask you for your input?_ I growled in thought. I paused and then asked, _Where'd he go?_

_Now_ I was asking him for his input.

"He said something about doing some tribal research," Edward shrugged. "He didn't say much else. And his thoughts were a bit cloudy from the blood loss."

"You knew he was woozy, and you let him leave anyway?" Damn, Edward _did_ have a vengeful side.

"As you so kindly pointed out, he _did_ come after my daughter," Edward said. "I am even less comfortable with him here than you are."

I guess I would just have to finish kicking his ass later. Maybe I would get lucky. Maybe he would be so dazed from donating blood today that he would get lost and collapse in the woods. I grinned at the thought of Sam stumbling around the forest drunkenly and asking a tree for directions. If he did pass out, maybe a rabid squirrel would tear his ear off.

"I'm sure Leah would be amused by that." Edward smiled at my thoughts.

Again with the thought invasion?

I frowned at Edward, "Why don't you go annoy your wife?"

"Believe me, I would love nothing more than spending time with my wife and child. But I know that Carlisle needs help here. And seeing as how Emmett basically slept his way through med school while I _actually_ studied some medicine, I would say that I'm more capable to assist Carlisle."

"_You_ went to med school?" Wait, _Emmett_ went to med school? God, I would be horrified if that crazy psycho was my doctor. I could see him doing rhinoplasty and giggling to the patient, playing a game of "whose got your nose?"

That's something I didn't know about the leeches. I always knew that they had been through college several times_—_because they had no lives and were immortal. But medical school for vampires?

"We've all actually studied it at one point in time," Edward said. "Of course, we didn't all graduate. It was mostly pre-medical studies. Actually working on humans is out of the question. Carlisle is the only one with enough self control…"

That would suck to have a vampire for a doctor. Well, one other than Carlisle. I pictured Blondie in the ER completely losing control of herself after some idiot teenager came in with a cut on his head from a skateboarding accident.

_"Uh, yeah…I'm a dumbass who wasn't wearing a helmet while I jumped on a board with wheels down this really steep incline..."_

I could see Rosalie's eyes going red with hunger and rage, _"Must suck the blood off of this little moron's head!"_

_"Dude, I must've hit my head harder than I thought. This blonde bitch is sucking on my face…"_

I could see why none of them would have made it through the actual hospital rounds with all of those injured, bleeding people. As far as I knew, Carlisle is the only one who'd never had human blood. I'm actually not sure how half of them had managed to stay around Bella when she was human. She was a total klutz. Always hurt and bleeding. Yet, none of them ever slipped up and bit her…though there was apparently one close call with Jasper.

And for such an asshole, Edward always seemed to control his thirst when he was with Bella before she turned.

"So, why didn't the _perfect_ Edward Cullen choose to become a doctor and follow in his daddy's footsteps?" I sneered.

"Well, first of all…look at me."

_Why? Are you trying to make me sick to my stomach?_ Looking at him always made me want to throw up.

"Would _you_ want to be treated by a seventeen-year-old physician?"

"I wouldn't want to be treated by you, but not because of your age. I just wouldn't want to be treated by you because you're a douchebag."

"I studied the more psychological aspect of medicine."

"You're a fucking shrink?" I gasped. Actually, that was kind of brilliant in a way. A psychologist's job was to get their patients to talk to them honestly. No one could lie in their thoughts. Edward could have made a shitload of money doing that. But instead, he was wasting his time repeating high school over and over again. What a moron. Maybe he just got off by watching all of the little girls swoon over him like idiots.

_"Oh, that Edward Cullen is so dreamy. He's so mysterious and brooding. I MUST have him…"_

_"No, ladies. I'm off limits. You see, I'm an evil creature that spends all of my time reading romance novels, playing classical music and pieces by Elton John on the piano, and glittering in the sunlight. I am a monster…"_

_"Oh. My. God. I want you MORE!"_

I was convinced that today's society was breeding all of the girls on the planet to fall in love with the most ridiculous asshole in the world. I still didn't see what Bella saw in him. Of course, that was probably a _good_ thing. Because if I did, then I would be a gay dog.

I saw Edward flitter his eyes in irritation, but he managed to stay on the subject.

"Psychology is one of my many degrees." His mouth twitched into a dark smile. "And, as a psychologist, I must say…your gender confusion and idealization of me could just be your way of subconsciously dealing with your homosexuality."

_God, you're a dick._ I growled in thought.

"Notice how you said the word 'dick'? Now, why do you think that is?" he smirked.

_No wonder you annoy the shit out of me._ I hated therapists. My dad insisted on taking me and my sisters to one when our mom died. The crazy psycho bitch made my sisters cry and then called me emotionally disturbed. So I picked up her box of toys she had in her office for kids and started pelting her with her stupid little finger puppets. _"You can put this on your finger and shove it up your butt!"_ I exclaimed as I threw the last puppet at her. Rachel and Rebecca never did tell me what it is that she'd said to make them cry, but that didn't matter. Because we had just lost our mother, so that "protective" brother stuff started to kick on. And even though I was younger than them, I still wanted to take care of them. I never let my sisters see how much I really missed my mom. But I did miss her. _A lot._

I didn't realize how silent the room had become. Edward was still working on something for Carlisle.

"I am sorry to hear about your mother, Jacob. She's in your thoughts a lot."

"Stay the hell out of my thoughts," I snarled. These were not images that I wanted to share with anyone, let alone the dicksucker…I mean…bloodsucker. I looked at Edward. "Why are you even here? You hate us." _Especially me._ I frowned at Edward.

"We have not gotten along in the past." He stated the obvious. "But over time, I like to think that we've come to grow and understand each other."

"Did they teach you that load of crap in psychology?" I snorted.

"Anthropology," Edward shrugged.

"Whatever. I know you still hate me," I said.

"As much as you irritate me, I do feel gratuitous for everything you have done for Bella," Edward admitted. "Though you did it for Bella's sake, you were there when my wife was slipping away. I am only trying to return the favor." He shook his head. "Though I will never understand _why__—_Bella still speaks very highly of you." I could see that that annoyed him. I grinned smugly. "You were everything her best friend could have been."

That stung me, because I knew that the relationship between me and Bella would never be the same again. I still loved her because she was my best friend, but it was hard for me to see her as a vampire. I knew that she was happy with Edward and Nessie…no matter how incredibly fucked up her life was now.

I still couldn't believe that she was a leech. But I guess that's one of the things that helped me let her go. After she changed, I really didn't see her in the same light anymore. But I promised her that I would be her friend no matter what she was. She could have turned into the offspring of a snail and a cockroach, and I'd still want to be her friend. Besides, if it weren't for her, I probably never would have admitted my feelings for Leah.

After I revealed to the pack that Bella was a vampire with a child, Leah had blown a fuse and run off. I was bitching about her immaturity. Bella is the one that caught on to how much I cared about her.

"She had the freaking nerve to tell me that I was unhappy." I'd snarled to myself. When I explained to Bella what was going on, I saw something in her eyes light up. "Great, what'd I say to piss you off this time?"

"She only said the things she said because she cares about you." Bella tried to smile through her discomfort. Was she…was she _jealous_?

"No. She said them because she's a bitch."

"Jake, you always were terrible at reading signals." Bella shook her head and looked at the ground. I saw Emmett laughing at me from across the room.

"What are you talking about?" I'd asked.

"Dude, the she-wolf is _so_ into you," Emmett laughed.

"How would you know? You don't even know Leah," I'd frowned.

"Don't have to. From the way you talk about her, you're into her too."

"All we do is fight," I'd grumbled.

"Makes the make-up sex even better," Emmett grinned.

"Emmett, do you think you could refrain from talking about that right now? Renesmee is in the next room." Bella scolded Emmett.

"So…you and my brother are allowed to boink while your daughter is in the next room, but I'm not allowed to _say_ the word "sex" because she might be within earshot?" He had a point. Where was the logic in that?

I saw Bella fuming. But she didn't get the chance to say anything to him. Edward had stomped in...all dad-like...and folded his arms across his chest. Emmett just stared at him. Edward pointed to the front door.

"May I have a word with you outside?" Edward grumbled.

I'm not really sure what happened after that, but I'm pretty sure that Emmett got thrashed because I heard him cussing at Edward.

"C'mon man, it was just a joke! Ow, Edward…stop! You suck..." He had to add, "...on your wife's boobs…" There was a loud crash. After a moment, Edward came back in and disappeared into the kitchen again.

"Are you really happy with_—__that_?" I glanced into the kitchen where the angry little vampire had gone. That stuffy, uptight, overbearing, overprotective, controlling jackass? So, I was a little bitter at Edward.

"You find love in all kinds of strange ways." Bella had smiled at me and taken my hands in hers. I shivered. She was so cold. She pulled back after a moment and then stiffened up. "I'm not the person you should be having this conversation with. You should find Leah."

"For the last time, I do _not_ have feelings for Leah Clearwater!"

Bella silently glanced at me with a cocked eyebrow.

"You care about her," she had said. I'd scoffed at that at first, but as I let it fester, I realized that maybe Bella was right. "You just haven't been able to see anyone else since me, have you?"

I really hadn't. Though I'd told Leah that I let Bella go the day she gave birth to Nessie, I think the actual moment that I was able to let her go was at that very moment. At the moment that I realized that I actually cared for Leah _more_ than I cared for Bella.

I loved Leah. And it wasn't until I was losing her a week ago to the vampire venom that I understood just how much she actually meant to me. As storybook as it sounded, I don't think I could live without her.

I stared at the floor as Edward watched me moping.

"Jacob, Carlisle is very good at what he does," Edward said reassuringly.

"Unfortunately, not good enough." I heard a voice from behind me. Carlisle had snuck back into the room at some point. "We might not be doing surgery after all."

Crap. What was wrong _now_?

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**A/N: Had to go back and revamp this chapter a bit. A lot more mistakes slipped through and a lot of my wording was off (somewhere between 2 and 3 in the morning, words stop making sense to me). My apologies. Life has been hectic lately. Hopefully the chapter is less confusing now. And thank you guys for responding with all of your votes for the ending. I hope to surpass your expectations.  
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	39. Dogs aren't the only ones who play poker

**You guys have been incredibly patient. The ride is not far from being over. I promise you guys I won't disappoint you.**

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**Chapter 39:**

**Dogs aren't the only ones who play poker**

Carlisle started yammering on about something medical. He showed Edward something that I didn't understand. I watched as they did something with Leah's blood. Carlisle's lips mashed into a concerned frown. I was getting really tired of seeing that look on him. Edward nodded his head and he shared the same look that Carlisle had.

"Ah ha. I see." Edward looked at Carlisle and shook his head.

"Well, I _don't_," I grumbled. "Would someone please explain it to me…_without_ all of the medical speak?" I frowned. "Carlisle, why are you not doing surgery?"

"I didn't mean that I wasn't going to. I just meant that I don't know how much it will help."

"You said her body could start to heal once you got the venom out," I frowned.

"That's just the thing. The venom is fighting off every attempt that I make to save her. For everything that I do, the venom seems to be a step ahead of me."

I still didn't get it. "Uh…okay. Does that mean we're dealing with like some super-smart mutated little monster in Leah's body or something?" It sounded a lot less stupid when I asked that question in my head. _Way to sound like a dumbass, Jacob._ I saw Edward giving me a confused look. _Shut up. Not everyone has gone to a hundred years of school._ I frowned at him silently.

"Whatever we are dealing with, I believe that it's migrating," Carlisle said.

At this point, all I could see in my head was a big, mutant bird flying around in Leah's body, _migrating_ south of her head. Edward looked at me again like I was an idiot. _For Christ's sake, stop staring at me!_ I couldn't help it if I wasn't unnaturally smart. _Stop being so high and mighty. The only reason you're a genius is because you were a loser who didn't get laid for an entire century._

"Until Bella," Edward grinned smugly at me.

What a low fucking shot. I couldn't believe that the jackass would stoop to my level. If he wasn't helping Carlisle with Leah, I would have punched his lights out.

Carlisle seemed to catch on to our silent argument, so he sent Edward on some bullshit errand. I knew he was just trying to get the two of us out of the same room. He'd had to do it several times before. This wasn't the first time that Edward and I had gotten heated at one another. The entire three days that Bella was unconscious when she was going through her transformation, Carlisle kept coming up with reasons to separate the Edward and I. At one point, he actually threatened to put us in time out.

"Stop this incessant arguing or I will be forced to put you both in the corner!" He'd yelled at us.

"Uh…is he serious?" I'd questioned in confusion.

"Quite," Edward had nodded back.

I'd never really thought about it, but I think that I had been adopted by the Cullens. Esme fed me, Carlisle scolded me, and I was constantly fighting with Emmett or Edward. Wow, I had a sorry life.

I glared at Edward as he exited the room. _That's right, little boy. Listen to what daddy tells you._ I mocked him quietly as he ran out of the room.

Carlisle continued with his medical speak. Some of it I picked up on, but still didn't understand. He said something about Leah's low platelet count and more bleeding. I just sighed and looked at the doctor, begging him to just be straight with me.

"Carlisle…straight up, how bad is it?" I questioned.

"It's hard to know just yet. I just wish I could pinpoint where the venom is migrating. I have to figure out where the venom is going to attack next. If I could preemptively…"

"Ugh, you're killing me, Doc." I shook my head. "Could you just stop with the huge words and doctor terms for a minute?"

"We can't do the surgery because it would kill her. She isn't stable enough." He finally said something I understood. Of course, that didn't make it suck any less.

"So, we're damned if we do, and we're damned if we don't," I huffed.

"I have to wait for the venom to get to somewhere less dangerous than her brain." I could see that something else was bothering him. I just stared at him, waiting for him to say it. "The thing is...nothing I am doing is working."

"Sam's blood seemed to work," I gritted my teeth. Saying his name made me taste a very distinct bitterness in my mouth.

Carlisle looked down at the floor and then back up at me. Normally, he was better at hiding his emotions from me. But I caught that. And I think I could feel the actual tearing of my heart inside my chest.

"It's _not_ working?" I asked. But I had _seen_ Leah improving. Her color was returning and she was calling Emmett names and telling her brother and me to leave her alone. She was slowly returning back to her normal state. How could the blood have nothing to do with that?

"It is momentarily. But the venom is absorbing and destroying the donated blood," Carlisle explained.

"So, I'll drag Sam's ass back here and we'll take whatever blood is left," I said. _Problem solved._

"I didn't consider the fact that since Sam is also a wolf, the venom would have this affect on his blood." Carlisle motioned me over to look at what he and Edward had been doing a second ago. I looked down at the confusing science experiment. I frowned at Carlisle.

"You know…I didn't do so well in Biology," I admitted.

Carlisle showed me his little experiment. I still didn't get it, but I nodded my head so he would just get on with it. He could stand here trying to explain this to me until the turn of the century, and I would _still_ be standing here with a dumbass look on my face.

"So, what do we do now?"

I saw something flash across his face for a brief second. My heart dropped. It looked like defeat. _Please don't say it. Please don't say it._ I had been trying to get him to talk to me and tell me what was going on. And now, I was begging him to shut up. I wanted to scream at him. _Don't fucking give up!_

"I don't know," Carlisle said.

I felt like a huge blow had just been delivered to my gut. If he wasn't going to do surgery, then Leah didn't have a shot in hell. I gritted my teeth and shook my head angrily. I was _not_ going to watch her die. We had come too far and had been through too much.

"Find another way." I was fighting back tears. _If you cry, I will punch you in the head._ I threatened myself.

"I can continue to treat her symptoms, but until we find a way to make her body respond…it's like putting a Band-aid on a giant gaping wound," Carlisle explained. "Right now she's stable, but I don't know how long that will last. I have Jasper and Emmett getting me another MRI."

Oh, I bet Leah was just _loving_ that. I'm surprised that I couldn't hear her bitching somewhere down the hallway.

"Why are you doing another one?" I questioned. I don't know why I was asking this. I wasn't going to understand his answer anyway. I needed a Doctor to dumbass dictionary to translate his words so I could have an actual conversation with him.

"I need to see if the venom is indeed migrating, and to where."

Oh, well…that I actually understood.

"And then we can do surgery to get it out?" I asked hopefully. I think I was going through that "denial" thing. I know that Carlisle had just said that he didn't know if surgery on her would work. But surely he couldn't just sit back and watch her die?

"I won't know anything more until I see the MRI," Carlisle said.

_God damn it. I am so freaking sick of waiting._ I was ready for some kind of action to be taken. I wasn't used to just sitting here with my thumb up my ass.

"Does Leah know why you're doing another MRI?" I questioned.

If so, I bet she was particularly thrilled that Carlisle wasn't going to cut into her brain after all. I'd heard her and Emmett sniping at each other when I'd left the room. He'd said something about shaving her head for the surgery, and Leah told him that if he shaved her head, she was going to pin him down and razor burn the crap out of his ass.

"I've explained the situation to her," Carlisle nodded. So that's where he had disappeared to earlier. I felt like crap. I wish I had been by her side when he'd told her. I was supposed to be there for her.

I stood staring at Carlisle in silence for a few minutes. I think he knew that nothing he said was going to make me feel any better. Still, I wish he would say something. This silence was killing me.

"Motherfucker. God damn it. Son of a motherfucking bitch." I finally broke the silence. I sighed and shook my head. "Sorry." I felt like I was cussing in church or something with Carlisle standing here staring at me. I'd often wondered what would happen to someone if they _did_ cuss or take the Lord's name in vain if they were on Holy ground. Would they explode into flames? "I just found out that my life sucks right now, so you'll have to pardon my French."

"I speak French. And _that_ was not French," Carlisle smiled softly.

I spoke the only word of French that I knew. "Merde," I mumbled. _Shit._

"It's understandable that you're upset, Jacob," Carlisle said understandingly.

I didn't know what else to say, so I just stood around like a big dumb dog. Finally, I was able to speak again…without all of the swearing.

"So, what does this mean?" I asked.

"I'll know more after the MRI. But I suspect that I'm going to have to find a non-surgical route in order to fix this. I just have to find the key to reversing the effects of the venom. But I'm not ruling surgery out completely. I just need to find a way to stabilize her."

I felt a glimmer of hope return. He wasn't giving up. He was still researching and trying to find a way to get Leah out of this. If he wasn't a vampire, I would have hugged him. He saw my surprise and gratitude.

"I won't give up on her, Jacob. It's not in my nature," Carlisle explained. "And I know that you want to know more about her condition, but my time would be better spent figuring out what the next step should be. I've already taken the liberty of giving her an injection to help her blood clot. The bleeding has slowed substantially thanks in part to what little help Sam's blood has given. The injection should also help to slow the bleeding and buy us a little more time."

"So, the venom is interfering with her ability to _stop_ bleeding?" I questioned. I know he said that he needed to do research, but I just couldn't stop asking questions.

Edward came back into the room and handed something to Carlisle. It looked like more bloodwork results.

I eagerly leaned forward. "Well?" I looked at the results in his hands. I could see the numbers and letters on the paper, but I didn't understand any of them.

"Nothing has changed. Her blood still isn't clotting properly. But we're giving several injections to help slow the bleeding."

"What exactly is happening to her?"

"It's like what the equivalent of rat poison does to affected rats." Was he comparing my girlfriend to a rodent? "The venom is still poisoning her, but it's doing it over time."

Well, that was disgusting and horrifying. I knew what rat poison did to rodents. It made them bleed internally for days before finally killing them. My teeth started to chatter nervously when I thought that the same thing might be happening to Leah. Were her insides turning to mush?

Even though Edward didn't like us, I could see him cringing at my thoughts. I had a feeling that this was bringing back memories from when Bella was dying and we couldn't do a damn thing about it.

"Edward, give her an injection of Vitamin K." Carlisle put the bloodwork down. "Do you know if the MRI results are ready to be read?"

"They finished up a few minutes ago." Edward grabbed a bottle of what I was assuming to be Vitamin K and disappeared. I followed him. I was done asking questions. I just wanted to be with Leah.

I managed not to get lost on the way back to her room. As soon as I ended up in the living room, I knew where I was going. I stopped when I saw that everyone seemed to be gathered here. I gave Seth a confused look.

"What's everyone doing?"

"Leah kicked us out," Seth frowned. "She threatened to hold her breath until she passed out unless we gave her a few minutes alone."

"Since when are we giving her what she wants?" I asked.

"Since her heart rate went up in frustration," Seth said. I knew how badly he wanted to be next to his sister's side. Though, I couldn't blame her for wanting to be left alone. She had been so crowded lately. Leah did not like crowds. And the fact that the crowd consisted mostly of vampires had to be stressful for her. It was impressive that she was still finding a way to get what she wanted. Typical Leah. _I'll kill myself with a heart attack unless you leave me alone!_

I took a moment to realize that Seth was sitting comfortably with Jasper, Emmett, and Alice. I saw a deck of cards sitting on the table in front of them.

"What the hell? Are you playing cards?" I blinked a couple of times to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating. I _had_ been missing a lot of sleep lately. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. "Uh…have I been dropped into a parallel universe?"

"I've found a new way to keep the atmosphere calm." Jasper had a slight smile on his face. "I'm keeping Emmett from bothering Leah."

"How'd you manage that?" I chuckled.

"The asshole knows that I can't say 'no' to a challenge. He bet me that he could take me in any game of my choosing." Emmett seemed to be concentrating on his cards. He looked at Jasper with a hard look on his face.

"Seth, are you _really_ playing poker with a bunch of vampires?" I questioned.

"Dude, poker is overrated." Emmett shook his head.

"Okay, so then what are you playing?"

"Got any sevens?" Emmett asked Alice.

"Go fish," Alice grinned.

_Are you freaking kidding me?_ My jaw dropped to the floor. I was watching three vampires and a werewolf playing 'Go Fish.'

"Have you four been dipping into Leah's pain medication?" I gawked.

"We've got to do _something_ to pass the time, Jake," Seth said quietly.

"Jasper…" Alice glanced at Jasper.

"How about you just tell me whether or not I have the cards you want." Jasper smiled at his wife.

"Hand over your queens," Alice shrugged.

Jasper gave Alice a few cards. She squealed in excitement and then leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss.

"Excellent." She smirked as she rearranged some of her cards.

"This is bull! You're not allowed to use your power!" Emmett complained.

"I can't believe that you're actually participating in this demeaning activity, Shorty." I was surprised at Alice's participation.

"I know who wins," Alice grinned. Apparently, our being here hadn't clouded her judgment to see who was going to win…which meant that it was probably her. That was going to piss Emmett off. He hated to lose.

"Seth, I'm granting you a reprieve. Let's go see your sister." I waved for Seth to follow me.

"But she kicked me out."

"Well, I'm un-kicking you out," I shrugged.

"Okay. Cool." Seth leaped up and walked to my side.

"Hey, where are you going?" Emmett frowned. "Dude, you're the only thing keeping Alice from seeing _everything_. If you leave, she's going to have this game won in ten seconds!"

"Five," Alice corrected him.

"Damn it!" I heard Emmett exclaim as Seth and I made our way back to Leah's room.

Fortunately, I didn't get lost again on the way back to her room. Of course, it was hard to ignore Edward's pungent odor. I just followed his nasty scent back to Leah's bedside. She still looked okay. She was bitching at Edward, who was giving her the injection of Vitamin K.

She shooed Edward away from her. "What poison did you just give me?"

"Geeze, the doctors at a psychiatric hospital have better patients than _this_." Edward mumbled as he shifted out of the room.

She cocked an eyebrow at me, "Where the hell have you been? You do realize that the vampires have been torturing me?"

"Leah, you're being dramatic." Seth rolled his eyes.

"Well, I figured...my life has turned into an angsty drama. I might as well act the part," Leah shrugged. She sighed and looked at me. "Carlisle tell you that I'm dying again?"

"He's not going to let you die." I shook my head. "We've all worked too hard on you. I sucked your blood, remember?"

"I'm never going to live that down, am I?" she asked.

"Not if I have anything to say about it."

She sighed, too tired to fight back. She glanced at her brother. "Didn't I kick you out?"

"Jacob says that I don't have to listen to you." God, the kid might has well have just stuck his tongue out at Leah in a childish manner.

"Oh, really?" Leah asked as she looked at me. She looked irritated. "Well, who are you more afraid of?" she asked Seth threateningly. "And before you answer, I want you to remember that while you may have to deal with Jacob as your Alpha, I have been kicking your ass for almost sixteen years."

Seth glanced at me and then at Leah. "Um…I think maybe I'll go hang out in the living room."

"Wise choice." Leah nodded as Seth exited the room. Poor guy looked like a puppy with his tail tucked between his legs.

I shook my head and grumbled at her. "Come on, give him a break."

"I don't want him in here," Leah frowned.

"Why not? He cares about you."

She took a deep breath and then let out a sigh. "I'm just trying to protect him."

I felt a wave of sadness overcome my body. I wouldn't have guessed that's why she didn't want her brother by her bedside. She didn't want him to see her get weaker.

"I've put him through enough," Leah shrugged. "In fact, if you could command him to go home, that would be great."

"I'm not going to _command_ him to do anything." I sat down next to her. She sat up uncomfortably. I brought my hands out to try and stop her from moving, but she was already leaning against the back of the bed.

"Jacob, I don't think you get it." She frowned and took my hand. "I'm screwed."

"Don't talk like that. We're going to figure it out." I was hoping that if I kept saying that, it would come true.

"Maybe. But if Carlisle doesn't think of something soon, my insides are going to be cooked," she laughed darkly. "Figures, right? I mean...my life finally starts to go right, and now I'm totally fucked."

"Leah…"

"Look, I'm sorry. I told you that I was trouble," she sighed. She looked frustrated with herself.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you." _God, you are such a girl_. I grumbled to myself.

"You are such a girl," Leah laughed, echoing my exact thought.

"That makes you a lesbian then." I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. I could hear her heart rate increasing, so I pulled back. It was so hard not to take her face in my hands and put my lips against hers. As much as I wanted her right now, I wasn't about to risk her life just to fulfill some selfish need to have her lips on mine.

I heard an irregularity in her heart and I saw her cringe in discomfort.

"Sorry," I sighed.

"Never apologize for making me feel wanted."

Had she just said that out loud? She looked as surprised as I did.

"Christ. Now _I'm_ being all girly." She leaned backwards and let out a sigh. "See what you do to me?"

_Now you know how I feel._

Carlisle drifted into the room. His stoic face was back. It made me curious as to what he was going to say. I couldn't tell if it was bad or good. I guess I was going to have to add "actor" to the list of things that Carlisle could do. _Carlisle Cullen: Doctor. Vampire. Actor. Researcher guy._

"Well, what's the verdict?" Leah asked calmly.

"The venom is moving." Carlisle's expression didn't change.

"And?" I asked impatiently.

"I don't want to startle you, but…" _She's screwed._ I thought to myself.

Leah interrupted Carlisle, "Well, _that_ can't be good. Nothing good ever starts with the phrase, '_I don't want to startle you_.' Way to make me feel secure, Doc," Leah said in a snarky voice. "So, the venom is just swimming around in me like some creepy little fish?" I saw her shiver uncomfortably. "Gross."

"It's migrating directly to your heart."

"Great. Fabulous. First it was brain surgery, and _now_ you want to do heart surgery on me?" Leah snorted.

Carlisle shook his head. "The task at hand is going to be stopping it before it gets there," Carlisle explained. He looked at me and frowned. "If we don't…"

He didn't have to finish his sentence. Both Leah and I knew where he was going with that statement.

Leah looked at me and suddenly had a determined look on her face. "Alright, bring it on," she shrugged. "I've done this life or death thing more than Evel Knievel."

"I would like to do another ultrasound on you," Carlisle said. "If I can head the venom off, I might be able to catch it before it enters your chest cavity."

"I didn't understand a word of what you just said." Leah shook her head. Good, I wasn't the only one here who couldn't understand the doctor. "But do what you have to do." She paused and then thought about something. "If you can get the venom out, will I survive?"

Carlisle pondered his answer. I knew that nothing in medicine was a hundred percent.

"I want the truth." Leah glared at him.

"The truth is, I don't know," Carlisle admitted. "But if we let it reach your heart...there is absolutely, without a doubt _nothing_ more that I can do." _No more miracles._ I translated in my head.

"God, could my life get _any_ more complicated?" She shook her head. "Thanks for your honesty," she said sincerely to the vampire doctor. Well, that startled me. It wasn't very often that I heard her dole out compliments.

"I will get that venom out one way or another," Carlisle said reassuringly.

Carlisle ran off to get the ultrasound machine, leaving Leah and I to sit in silence once again.


	40. Making decisions is hard

**I believe Bill Cosby said it best. "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone."**

**I do listen to you guys, but it's damn near impossible to please everyone (albeit it would be lovely if I could). I appreciate your continuous patience. ****Only have a couple of chapters to go!  
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**As always, thanks for reading and reviewing.**

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**Chapter 40:**

**Making decisions is hard**

Leah and I sat in silence for a few minutes, but it wasn't uncomfortable in the least. My hand tightened around hers. I was past the point of talking. I had no clue what to say. I'd said it all already. It had become a perpetual rerun. _Please don't die_ covered it. I felt Leah squeeze my hand back weakly. I could hear her heart-rate increasing again, and I could tell by the way she was biting her tongue that she was hurting. She didn't say anything. She just breathed through it.

She was still really good at masking her pain. I'd just gotten better at reading her body signals. I saw her tense up and breathe rapidly, yet quietly, through her nose. I bit my tongue until I couldn't stand it anymore.

"I hate this, Leah," I grumbled.

"You think _you_ hate it? How do you think _I_ feel?" she laughed. I saw her wince as she shifted her weight. My hands started to tremble. If this pain were a solid matter, I would kick its ass. I tried to stop my hands from shaking. I looked down and realized that it was no longer me that was trembling. I saw Leah's hands vibrating and building up perspiration. I could see sweat glistening on her face. I put my hand on her forehead. She frowned at me, but didn't push my hand away.

"It's the venom moving," she said with certainty. All this because of the fucking venom. These medical issues were a pain in the god damn ass. No wonder a werewolf had never survived vampire venom. All the problems that came afterwards were enough to make you _want_ to die. It's a good thing that Leah was so tough.

I kept wondering to myself why the fates were being so cruel to me. It's like they were taunting me, dangling Leah in front of me, only to jerk her away again at the last moment. Why couldn't this be like one of those cheesy medical dramas where everything was wrapped up in an hour? _Gee, wouldn't it be nice if she could miraculously recover with no explanation?_ Like things like that actually happened in the real world? That's why I was never a fan of television. Everything usually worked out so perfectly. All fluff and crap.

"What has you all pissed off?" Leah noticed my irritation.

"Television."

"You are so weird, Jacob." She shook her head. She closed her eyes for a second and then let out a breath. She tensed up. "Remind me never to get bitten by a vampire again." She relaxed again, but not completely. Holding her hand, I could actually _feel_ her body temperature increasing.

"Leah, you're running a fever." I swallowed a knot in my throat.

"So, _that's_ why I'm sweating," she mumbled sarcastically. She had her jaw pressed together firmly. I hated it. I knew that she was trying to keep from screaming…and that just made _me_ want to scream. She inhaled a sharp gasp and then her body relaxed. The pain was at bay for now.

She closed her eyes and took in a few relaxing breaths.

"You okay?" I asked softly.

"Never been better."

"Liar."

She rolled her eyes and smiled at me. "Why you care about me, I'll never know." She shook her head.

"You don't make it easy." I teased her.

She hit me playfully, and I forced out a childish pout.

"You better retract that lip before I bite it off," she said.

"Is that a promise?" I asked eagerly.

"Horny bastard," she chuckled. Her smile faded, and she replaced it with a softer expression. "Jacob?" She said my name in a way that I'd never heard her utter it before. Her voice was filled with a soft passion. There was no hint of annoyance or anger. It was purely mellow. It scared the hell out of me.

"Yeah?"

"I _do_ love you…" she sighed.

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. I had been waiting for what seemed like an eternity for her to say that. But I had a feeling that she was just telling me what I wanted to hear because she thought her life was over. So, I shook my head angrily and rejected the statement with a hard frown.

"Don't you dare say goodbye to me," I growled. "You aren't allowed to say you love me until you've survived this. Do you understand me?"

"Geeze, there's just no pleasing you, is there?" she asked with a bitter laugh.

"You can say it like you mean it after Carlisle gets the venom out," I shrugged.

I figured she would get upset_—_because those words couldn't have been easy for her to say, but when I looked at her, her face was perfectly calm. She didn't look angry or hurt. She just looked at me with her pained brown eyes and sighed heavily. We sat in silence for a few more minutes and then Leah looked at me seriously.

"You remember when I told Carlisle not to kill me?" she asked softly.

"Yes. And I don't think that he will soon forget that." As if Carlisle wasn't already nervous enough treating Leah's odd case…

"If something happens, and the only way to bring me back is to hook me up to a machine and let me lie there for Emmett to draw tattoos on my ass or whatever…" She paused for a second and then continued softly, "I don't want to be some brain damaged moron. Not literally. So…kill me," she said. "Jake, let me go."

"You promised…"

"I know. And I intend on keeping that promise. I'm just saying_—_if something _does_ happen, I don't want to end up in a coma for twenty years. I don't want anyone to have to see me like that. I don't want to be someone else's burden."

"Lee, you are _not_ a burden."

"Yeah, see if you still feel that way after ten years of cleaning drool off of my chin and emptying out my pee-bag," she grumbled with a laugh. "Trust me, if you think that I'm annoying now, you'll want to smother me with a pillow when I'm in a coma." Her tone became serious again. "I've been fighting with everything I've got, Jake, but I'm still losing."

"Fight harder, damn it," I snapped.

"I promised you that I'm not going to give up. And I won't. But I need to know that _you_ know when to give up. Because at some point, I might not be conscious to fight anymore."

"So I'll fight for you." Why did she not get that she meant everything to me?

"That's just the thing. You _can't_," she sighed. "Everything in my life has been taken away from me. All of my choices_—_any ability I had to make decisions for myself. Hell, even when I was fighting with Sam, I couldn't even fight my own battle because the asshole used his command on me," she frowned. I growled when I thought about Sam hurting her. "I have been stuck listening to other people _command_ my life for the past two years. And...yeah, I ignore orders once in a while, but in the end, I _still_ have to listen to someone else. Nobody ever cared about what I had to say…" she paused, "…until you."

I looked at her in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"You are the first person in my life besides my family who looked past my bitchiness and saw what I was really feeling. You _listened_ to me. And what's more, you took the initiative to make my shitty life a little better. As much as you annoyed me_—_you took care of me. Hell, you broke away from Sam for me."

Yeah, that was a long time coming. I was getting sick of listening to him anyway. His behavior towards Leah is the thing that drove me to finally pull away from him. I only wish that I had done it sooner, so all of this could have been avoided.

"I'm appreciative and all, but you're still sitting here making choices _for_ me," Leah continued. "And since you're an emotionally stunted twelve-year-old girl, your decisions are based purely on what _your_ heart wants."

"Hey…" I frowned. "I find that offensive."

"You're right. I shouldn't insult twelve-year-old girls like that," Leah laughed. She quickly went back to her whole "serious" speech. "I'm simply asking_—_that if the time comes where I _can't_ make my own decisions, I need to know that you're going to make the right one for me. Because this is the _one_ thing in my life that I have control over."

"Are you asking me to pull the plug on you?" I asked in confusion.

"You're not as dumb as you look," she smirked. She sighed, "I don't know what's going to happen, Jacob. And like most things in my life, I'll probably screw this up, too."

I closed my eyes to hide my emotions, but she still noticed. I should have known by now that she could call me on my unmanly feelings. I'd never been very good at hiding them. And she ragged the hell out of me for it.

"Don't you dare," she threatened me. "Jacob Black, you are _not_ going to cry." She jerked my hand roughly. I opened my eyes and let out a sigh. "If you shed _one_ tear, I am going to _give_ you something to cry about." She sounded quite motherly when she said that. I'd heard my own parents say that to me before_—_along with, _"If you don't get your butt off the floor right now, I am going to tan your hide…"_

"I…" I couldn't think of anything to say. I had no clue what to do. "I don't know what else to do!" I exclaimed, partly angry, and partly heartbroken. "Leah, you're killing me here. You bounce around more than a kid with ADD hyped up on sugar. First, you're fine, then you're dying, then we find a way to make you better, and then you start circling the drain again…"

"I told you I'd screw it up," she shrugged.

"God, would you just get better already?" My frustration was building to the point that I could not take it anymore.

"Oh, sure. Abracadabra. I'm all better now." She rolled her eyes.

I huffed in irritation, "You are the most difficult, stubborn, bitchy, little pain in the ass…" I was only saying these things because I didn't know what else to say. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you. I really don't."

"Just shut up and kiss me," she ordered.

Her request caught me off guard. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Is that a command?" I asked curiously.

"What do _you_ think?" Oh, so _now_ she was giving her _Alpha_ commands? I laughed. God, that was just like her...

"Lee…"

"I am _done_ talking." She yanked me towards her. I was surprised at the strength she had considering she was laid up in this makeshift hospital bed covered in bandages. She had more wires hooked to her than the electrical panel on my car.

I fell forward and landed half-way on the bed. I quickly used one of my hands to prop myself up so I wouldn't crush her and hurt her. But she didn't seem to mind the discomfort. Her hands were tangled in my hair. As much as my head was fighting against doing this because of her injuries, my heart let go. I touched her face softly and let her force her lips against mine.

I tried to mind her IV line as well as I could. With our luck, she would get it caught on something and yank it out accidentally. I did _not_ want to have to explain to Carlisle why her IV came out. _"Uh…we were making out and the line got caught on my erect penis and it pulled the IV out of her arm."_ That would make for a very awkward conversation.

Our hands explored each other's bodies. It wasn't until my hand reached her stomach that I remembered that she was hurt. It's amazing how quickly hormones turned your brains to mush. I could feel her stitches extending up her stomach all the way to her chest. She groaned softly when I hit a nerve, but she didn't stop kissing me. I felt my emotions coming back when I remembered why we were here_—_and what was coming next.

As hard as I tried, I couldn't fight back my tears. I expected her to push me away and call me a girl for crying, but she only pressed into me harder. Her breathing increased and her heart started to flutter wildly. I could feel my tears combining with her sweat and I could taste the salt from the mixture in my mouth. She brushed her thumb against my cheek to wipe away some of my frustrated tears. She moved her hand to the back of my neck. I could feel her fingers tensing up, and I realized very quickly that it was more than passion.

I pulled away and looked at her. She was glistening with sweat, but she was smiling at me. I ran my hand over her forehead to brush some of the sweat out of her eyes. She closed her eyes and slid back down into her bed. I fell back into the chair.

I saw her bottom lip trembling. Her heart was still pounding and she was trying to catch her breath. Right now, I was kicking myself for getting her all riled up. _That was stupid, Jacob. Really fucking stupid._ She could obviously see me blaming myself.

"That one was all me," she said through her heavy panting. "You're not allowed to blame yourself."

"Easy. Relax," I begged her. She was still panting.

"Did I ever tell you that your kisses kill me?" she asked breathlessly. She rolled her head slightly to the side and closed her eyes. Her body relaxed and her breathing suddenly slowed down.

My hands were on her face two seconds later.

"Leah, look at me. Honey, open your eyes." Nothing. "Hey! I need some help in here!" I was able to choke out a call for anyone who might be nearby.

Everyone came running. Although, I did notice that Seth seemed to be missing. I was too frazzled to ask where he was. But maybe it was a good thing he was missing this. There were only so many times he should have to watch his sister die.

Carlisle had the ultrasound machine. And while he quickly scanned Leah's body, I saw Edward setting up some kind of tray. Looks like Carlisle was going to follow through with his promise to get the venom out.

"Got it." Carlisle ran the probe over her ribcage. "Edward…" He must have continued his orders in thought.

"Anesthesia?" Edward asked.

"There's not enough time." Carlisle shook his head. He glanced at me. "Jacob, I've got to make an incision here before the venom passes through." He kindly told me what he was doing. I just nodded stupidly. _What are you waiting for? Save her! Don't waste your time trying to explain it to my moronic brain!_

Carlisle used a scalpel to make a cut between two of Leah's ribs. I swallowed a knot in my throat because I knew she was pretty far gone to not have felt that. Hell, _I_ felt it.

The next few minutes were intense. Her heart got weaker with every second that passed. And my heart tore a little more each time I heard hers falter.

"You will not do this, Leah," I said gruffly. I was so focused on her face that I wasn't paying any attention to what Carlisle was doing.

"I got it." I heard him proclaim in victory. I looked away from Leah long enough to see him remove something that looked like a small thin silver bullet out of Leah's body. I found it ironic that vampire venom looked like the very thing that killed werewolves in myths. It's fortunate that the 'silver bullet' myth wasn't true in our case. Then again, a regular bullet could do us in if shot in the correct spot…I assumed.

"Hear that? Doc had another miracle up his sleeve." I gently massaged Leah's hand. But her heart rate and breathing did not improve. I heard Carlisle and Edward quietly chatting with each other. And then I heard Emmett mumbling as well.

"Come on, Leah," he muttered. I was shocked. That's the first time I'd ever heard him _seriously_ speak to her and refer to her by her name. As the muttering in the room started to increase in volume, I heard a voice screeching above everyone.

"Jake! Jacob!" Seth came flying in the room. He looked green when he saw the condition Leah was in, but he continued anyway. "Do you really love her?" He looked out of breath. What the hell was going on here?

"You know I do." _Don't ask stupid questions, Seth._

"How confident are you that she feels the same way?"

I didn't know _what_ Leah felt for me. But I knew that there was something there. Maybe she _had_ meant it when she told me that she loved me.

"Why?" I asked Seth.

"When one wolf finds his soulmate in another wolf, the tribal myths state that the wolf becomes one. The love that binds them makes it impossible for them to ignore each other," he said, out of breath. "If you two were meant to be, she can't ignore you. Wolves can't ignore their soulmates."

"We haven't imprinted," I said in confusion.

"Because wolves don't imprint on other wolves. They don't have to_—_because the love is different. Stronger." There was something out there _stronger_ than imprinting? Man, _that_ was a horrifying thought. "The biggest difference is that you two _have_ a choice to love each other."

"Who has been filling your head full of this garbage?" I scoffed.

"Sam came back," Seth said with a frown on his face. I really wished that he hadn't said that. I snarled silently to myself. Sam had ruined everything, and now he was filling Seth's head full of false hope. That really irritated me.

"Uh huh. And how did Sam _suddenly_ find this out?" I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know. He just said that there's a lot about our history that we have yet to uncover."

Wonderful. Cryptic shit.

"Jacob, have you noticed how alike you and Leah are? It's creepy," Seth shivered.

Jasper looked at me and then at Leah. "It's true."

"Huh?"

"I've never noticed it until now, but I get virtually the same reading off of both of you. In essence, you two are one in the same."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked.

"You and Leah," Seth said. "You belong together."

Not that I wasn't happy to hear that, but_—__why_? Because the legends said we did? Leah wasn't going to go for that. _This is completely and bogusly stupid._ But_—_could it be true? I shook my head. _You will not fall victim to the idiotic tribal myths._ If Leah loved me, it wasn't because of some wolf thing.

"If that's true, then why is she getting worse?" I asked. "If we're supposed to end up with each other, why is she _still_ dying?" I growled.

"You made your choice, but has she made hers?" It was Edward. I wanted to punch him, but he was helping Carlisle patch Leah up. He paused and then glanced at Leah again. "You did _command_ her to stay alive, did you not?"

He didn't have to say anything else. My head was spinning because there was so much going on. But as incredibly confused and screwed up as my head was right now, I knew what they were trying to say. Leah was still alive_..._barely...because my command for her not to die _was_ working. But if she was following my command, then she wasn't making this choice on her own. I thought back to what Leah had said earlier about having her choices taken away from her.

"The venom is out of her system?" I asked Carlisle.

"There's still a lot of damage that needs to be reversed." Carlisle gave Leah an injection of something. None of her vitals changed. A few minutes passed and Carlisle gave her another injection. Still nothing.

My hands started shaking and I growled out angrily, "Why isn't it working?"

Carlisle took a moment to think about his response. He put his hand on my shoulder and I jerked away automatically.

"Jacob, the only thing holding her here is your command," Carlisle said softly.

"Then it's a good thing that I commanded her not to die." I shook as I put my hand on Leah's cheek. All traces of her sweat were gone, and now her body was starting to get cool. Her russet lips were getting pale. I'd lost all sense of my mind. I leaned forward. I delicately touched my lips to hers. As per usual, her heart rate increased when our lips met. _Come on, come on._ I begged in thought. I pulled away, and her heart slowed again. I shook my head. "Okay, you're disobeying my command...and it's really ticking me off."

"I know you love her," Seth interjected quietly. "I can see that." His voice was shaky. "But you have to let _her_ decide this, Jacob." Since when was Seth reasonable during a crisis? I knew he was right. But how could I let her go? I took a deep breath and sighed.

_I hope I know what I'm doing_.

"So, here's the deal…" I was talking before I even knew what I wanted to say. "I promised you that I would make the right decision here. But I don't know what to do. I know how much you hate others making choices for you. So, I'm going to let you make this one on your own." Every ounce of my body tensed up. This was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. "So, I'm releasing my command. But before I do_—_I want something in return. You said that you wanted to make your own choices, and I want you to. But I'm going to be a little selfish. I want you to choose me, Leah. Please choose life." I leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Okay. It's all on you, Lee…" I pulled back and shivered.

I saw Carlisle glance at Edward. Edward shook his head with a frown on his face.

"Nothing." I couldn't read Freakboy's mind, but I could tell what he was thinking. _I'm sorry, Jacob._

Leah's thoughts were silent. I buried my face next to hers and gasped out a quiet sob. I didn't care at this point who saw me cry. I closed my eyes and concentrated on Leah's fading heart beat.

"Please…" I choked out. It wasn't a command. It was a request.

* * *

**Leah's point of view:**

As I fell through the darkness, the only thing that came to mind was, _Crap. Not this again._ But this time was different. I could feel a pull on me. Jacob wasn't letting me go. Well, it showed how much the mutt cared about me. Of course, for the past few days I'd never doubted that.

I sighed. I was going to be in a coma for the rest of my life. I just knew it. I cringed thinking about how much this was going to suck.

"It's all on you, Lee." I heard Jacob's voice barely whispering in my head.

Wait, what? What was all on me? A gust of wind blew directly in my face. A sudden weight was lifted from my body. But instead of relief, all I could feel was panic. It was like someone had taken my breath away. Flashes of my life slowly started to fill my mind.

My first steps…and how I had toppled over and nearly busted my head open.

Swallowing a Lego when I was two, and hearing my dad scream at the doctor on the phone, "You want me to do _what_? No, thank you. If I wanted to sift through crap, I'd become a garbage man!"

Eating an entire package of gummi-worms when I was three, and then promptly vomiting them all up. I hadn't eaten gummi-worms since that day.

My mom and dad yelling at me not to chase the neighbors' kids up trees.

Running away when I was five. Of course, I hadn't gone very far. I ended up in the shed in our backyard. Mom even brought me snacks.

The time when Seth had almost drowned when he was three. I'd yanked his ass out of the water faster than I thought possible. He threw up about a gallon of salt water that day.

Getting my leg caught in a rope swing when I was seven. I'd hung there for a good hour before someone discovered me. It's a wonder I didn't lose my damn foot that day.

Getting suspended in forth grade for kicking Henry Smith in the balls for stealing my juice box.

Teaching Seth how to ride a bike, and laughing like a maniac when he accidentally rode into a pond. But I'd helped him back on and forced him to try again. He rode around with a fish in his pants until we got home.

Telling my mother that I hated her and then gawking like an idiot at her response of, "I hate you, too, you little shit."

Going to prom with Sam and bitching about having to wear a dress, only to blush like a fool when he called me beautiful.

Babysitting Claire and watching her laugh hysterically at Spongebob Squarepants…who I thought was the most retarded character in a television series _ever_.

Jacob coming over after Sam broke up with me. He came bearing beer…and I didn't ask him how he got it. I just got drunk with him.

Seth's first time behind the wheel of a car. He'd accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brakes and we crashed through the neighbor's porch.

The flashes got faster. I couldn't make any sense of them. Instead, I just saw faces. Sam, Emily, Jacob, Seth, Mom, all of the guys in the pack, Emmett. What the fuck? _Emmett_? The annoying bastard was going to bother me even in death.

The past couple of days replayed in my head. Every bleeding second of it. My head felt like it was screaming at me. I remembered it. I remembered it all. The vampire biting me; the venom burning; Jacob and Sam finding me. I guess my unconscious mind was starting to let me in on the stuff that I'd missed. And most of it was Jacob. I remembered squirming around on Jared's couch. I remembered the pain of my broken bones any time I moved. I remembered Jacob begging me not to die…which is probably exactly what he was doing right now.

I wanted to find him to tell him that I'd rather spend my time with him_—_that I'd rather be with him than falling through time and space, but truth be told, I wasn't really sure where the hell I was at the moment.

I did a very graceful faceplant into something soft. _Ow_. I laid there for a moment before I spit something grainy out of my mouth.

"Well…this isn't nearly as much fun as the last time I died." I mumbled to myself as I stood up.

Once my brain had tortured me with the rerun of my sad and boring little life, everything got quiet again. The darkness disappeared and I ended up standing on the beach. The sky was dark and I could hear the water softly sludging against the shore. I stood motionless for a moment.

_This_ was it? _This_ is where I was going to spend the rest of eternity? The beaches of La Push? What a fucking rip-off!

"I have been gypped." I shook my head. "The fates have royally screwed me over…_again_!" I looked to the sky. "So not freaking funny!"

I felt a breeze against my face, but I was too irritated to enjoy the refreshing air. Why was I standing here? This is not where I wanted to be.

I suddenly jerked to attention when I saw a shadow in the distance. If the Merlin vampire was here, I was going to be _pissed_. But the creature didn't move like a vampire. Didn't smell like one either. In fact, I couldn't smell anything. And I couldn't hear the footsteps walking towards me.

"Uh…have all of my senses disappeared?" I wondered out loud to myself. Apparently not if I could hear myself talking. Plus, I could still hear the ocean, and I could smell the salt water.

The shadow stopped a couple hundred yards from me and stood motionless. I still couldn't see what kind of creature I was dealing with. I laughed. Maybe it was the devil. I _had_ been bad. Maybe I _was_ going to hell.

"Is that you, Satan?" I questioned sarcastically.

The shadow started to move closer to me.

"Alright, who's spying on my near death experience?" I grumbled. The figure didn't say anything as it continued to inch forward. "Okay, look…I don't know what kind of game you're playing here, but I've had a hell of a week, so if you don't back off, I am going to be forced to kick your mute, shadowy little ass."

"Watch your mouth." I recognized the voice almost instantly. My stance softened and I squinted my eyes to adjust to the darkness.

"Dad?" I gasped.

De-ja-frickin-vu. Holy shit. I _was_ dead_—__again_. I grumbled. Oh, well. At least this time I got to see my father.


	41. Ah! A Ghost!

**Chapter 41:**

**Ah! A ghost!**

All I could do was stare at my dad with my mouth open. He didn't look any different than I could remember. He still had his soft, friendly face. It felt like it had been forever since I'd seen him. But he still looked like the same nervous father standing outside my room, wanting to talk to me after Sam left me. He never could quite get through the door. I remember him shifting in the doorway uncomfortably. Finally, I'd gotten irritated and snapped at him.

"Is there an earthquake about to happen that I'm unaware of?"

"What do you mean?" He'd taken a step forward.

"I just want to know why you're standing in my doorway."

"I…uh…"

"Either come in or go away. You're dancing back and forth like a dog that has to pee."

After I'd pushed him a bit, he came in and sat down next to me. He didn't say much. He had just sighed a lot and made "dad" sounds.

After the uncomfortable silence, he finally grumbled, "Your mother won't allow me to strangle your ex-boyfriend."

"You're whipped, dad," I'd laughed.

He'd nodded back at me silently with a grin on his face.

He was the only one who understood that I _didn't_ want to talk about it. I just wanted to forget it…and maybe rip Sam's nose hairs out while he begged for mercy. I loved that my dad knew exactly what I needed. We'd spent the rest of that night just watching TV and _not_ talking about how miserable I was.

And now, my dad was standing in front of me again. No different than the man he'd been that night. He still had the same uncomfortable look in his eyes, and he was still staring at me awkwardly. All that was missing was the doorway. He just continued to look at me silently. I gawked right back. For once, his big-mouth daughter was speechless.

He had to know that my silence wouldn't last for long. I was finally able to let out a shocked gasp.

"Jesus fucking Christ."

"Leah Clearwater_—_I mean it. Stop with the cussing," he frowned at me.

I let out a laugh, "You're dead, and you're still telling me what to do."

"A parent's job is never done," he responded.

I'm sure that the expression on my face hadn't changed. I was just overcome by the fact that I was talking to my dad again. I figured that since I was a werewolf with a temperament problem, I would never get old and die. I didn't expect that I would ever get to see him again. I'd spent so much time crying over the fact that I'd lost my dad forever that I couldn't get over the fact that I was talking to him right now. He was standing in front of me like he'd never even left.

Dad finally broke the silence, "What's the matter, dear? It looks like you've seen a ghost."

_Nice icebreaker, old man._

"Funny, dad," I said sarcastically. Guess he's the one I got my humor from.

I didn't have a smartass remark yet. There was something I needed to do first. My still body suddenly lurched forward and closed the space between my father and me. I wrapped my arms around him and pushed my face into his chest. I took in everything about him. The feel of his big arms hugging me back, his lips kissing the top of my head, and the way that his skin smelled like a combination of freshly cut grass and honey. I squeezed him tightly.

"I've missed you so much," I admitted. It's a good thing that Emmett and Jacob weren't here to see me whimper like a baby. They would never let me live it down.

As I pulled away from my father, I saw him smiling at me.

"Likewise, Lee-lee." It was then that I remembered that it wasn't Sam who had come up with my nickname. He'd only started calling me that because my dad used to call me that when I was a child. And I understood now why I hated hearing it so much. It wasn't because Sam had called me that when we were dating. It's because it reminded me too much of my dad. And it hurt me to think about how much I missed him.

I heard a low howl in the distance. I couldn't tell who it was, but I knew that it was someone in my pack.

"They're looking for you, you know," Dad said.

"They're going to be looking for a long damn time," I snorted darkly.

"What did I say about your language?" he grumbled.

"What are you going to do, dad? Ground me from beyond?"

"You laugh, but that's more possible than you realize."

I quickly shut up. For all I knew, dad could send mom creepy messages from the grave on how to punish me.

There was another cry and another howl. I recognized the sound, but I couldn't place who it was. And why were they coming after a dead chick? I glanced around the beach in confusion. I didn't get it.

"Wanna tell me what we're doing here?"

"You tell me," he shrugged.

"Oh, come on. I don't want to play guessing games. I'm exhausted. Do you _know_ how many times I've died this past week?" I frowned.

"Enough to give your old man a heart attack…" He paused and then smiled at me. "Oh, wait…"

"Hilarious," I grumbled. But then I broke into a smile. I could never stay mad at my dad for long. And I missed him so much. I looked over to the shore and then back to him. He was frowning at me. "Why are you giving me the evil eye?"

"I'm disappointed in you."

"So_—_I get bitten by a vampire, nearly die, fall in love, get mauled by my ex-boyfriend, and then eat a mouthful of sand for my dead dad to tell me that he's disappointed in me?" I laughed. "I was wrong! My life _can_ get worse!"

"What was that third thing again?" he questioned curiously.

"Oh, it's a whole thing with me and Jacob. Don't pretend like you weren't watching from above, ready to appear as an apparition and chase Jacob out of the house with a shotgun." I rolled my eyes.

"I found it amusing when you slung the water from toilet brush at him," Dad laughed softly. "Leah, you _do_ realize what you just said, don't you?"

About him haunting Jacob with a pistol? I quickly retraced what I'd just said. I gasped in surprise when I realized what it was that had caught my dad's attention. _Love_. I'd said love. And, what's more...I'd said it without a second guess.

"Oh," I nodded in realization. "Hmm, well…I guess I royally fu…uh…" I stopped myself from saying "fuck." Dad would probably make me wash my mouth out with saltwater, "…_screwed_ that one up…"

"I raised you better than that. You never used to give in so easily. What happened to your determination?"

_I don't know. Did it hitch a ride with you into the afterlife?_ I managed to keep my mouth shut and let dad continue his parenting from the grave.

"What did I always teach you?" Dad questioned.

I thought about the lessons he'd taught me in life. Unfortunately, I said the first thing that popped into my head.

"Uh…always make sure that the top is on the blender before you turn it on." I couldn't remember why my father had been using the blender that day. But I would never forget the mess all over the ceiling and walls.

Apparently, neither had he. I looked at him and couldn't help but smile. He was doing the cutest "dad" thing I'd ever seen him do. He got _embarrassed_. He started stuttering his words.

"Uh…that…well…" He rubbed his chin nervously. I chuckled when I saw his eyes glance away from me. It was things like this that I missed the most. I had always taken for granted the little things that my father and I shared. I forgot how fun it was to make him sweat. I grinned as I pushed him further.

"I remember the first words out of your mouth," I snickered. "_'Don't tell your mother.'_"

"Yes, I learned that day that cleaning the ceiling with a bad back is harder than I thought." My father had always been one of those people that believed you could "learn" something from every situation that life hands you. I'd heard the phrase, _"Now what did you learn from this?"_ almost every damn day of my life. I waited for him to ask me that today, but he didn't.

I sighed, "Are you trying to teach me a lesson here, or what?"

"I'm not here to be anything other than your support."

"What does _that_ mean?" I didn't think it was possible for me to get _more_ confused.

"It means that I'm your father, so I'm always going to be there when you need me."

"Great. I _need_ you to tell me why I'm standing on the beach."

"Leah…" He paused. "Open your eyes."

"I would, but it's dark out." I pointed out.

My dad sighed and looked out at the shore. "The sun is going to be up soon."

"You mean there's _actually_ a sun in La Push?" I gasped sarcastically. "I thought we just lived under a giant, pissed off rain cloud."

"You will not do this, Leah," he frowned. "I'm trying to help you, but you just aren't listening…"

"Because I don't understand!" I felt like screaming in frustration. Something from inside of me sent a wave of warmth over my body. I inhaled deeply and then shook my head, trying to catch my breath. "What the hell was that?"

"You already know the answer to that," Dad shrugged.

No. No, I really didn't. I was starting to get irritated with my dad. He kept saying that he wanted to help me, but all he was doing was pissing me off.

"You just have to follow your heart."

"So helpful." I rolled my eyes. "What after school special did you steal that line from?"

Dad sighed and then laughed gently, "Still the same stubborn two-year-old who refused to let anyone help her feed herself. You ended up with a lap full of spaghetti."

"Still the same boisterous, big kid who laughed at me and took pictures…and then showed them to people." I shook my head. "You could be a real butthead, dad."

"You threw a meatball at my head," he smiled softly. "And you _laughed_. Man, that smile…" His smile turned into a frown and he let out sigh. "You know, I wish you'd smile more often."

"What exactly am I supposed to be happy about?" I snapped. My life had been in the crapper since the day I was born. I was constantly being screwed over in some way or another. It's like I'd woken up to life on the wrong side of my mother's uterus.

I always seemed to learn my lessons the hard way. And right now was no exception.

"You have to let go," Dad said calmly. "All the pain, anger, and resentment that you've been holding on to_—_you've got to let it go."

"You aren't helping!" I cried in frustration.

Dad never faltered as he kept his face smooth and asked, "Why are you angry at me?"

The answer that I gave seemed to shock me more than it shocked him. "You died! You died, and left mom all alone."

"Not from where I'm standing," Dad smiled. So, he _did_ know what his best friend and mom were up to. He didn't look angry or upset, but I wasn't sure what he was thinking because he wasn't talking.

"You didn't just leave _her_ alone," I frowned angrily. "Now that you're gone, who's going to teach Seth how to shave?" I reminded him that he'd left behind more than mom when he died.

"Lee…he's a sixteen-year-old werewolf. He was shaving years ago." My dad cocked his brow at me.

"How could you leave us, dad?"

"It was not by choice, believe me," he sighed heavily.

I heard snarling from the trees and whipped my head around. Though the angered growls sounded close, there wasn't anything in sight. I gave my father a puzzled look.

"What's going on?"

Dad refused to answer me. He just looked off into the distance. I could see that something was bothering him. I heard the sound of claws against metal. There was no mistaking that noise. It was werewolf teeth against vampire skin. I heard a familiar cry. But like the howls, I still couldn't place it.

I felt my breath being taken away from me again. Dad just waited patiently for me to relax.

"You have no idea how hard it was for me to stand back and do nothing." Dad looked into the distance again as another cry filled the air. This cry was louder than the last. And it was human. I wasn't the only one who cowered down. I saw dad close his eyes and shake his head.

"Why won't you tell me anything?" I looked around to try and figure out where the sounds were coming from.

"Leah, you've built this wall to keep everyone out. And for once, you're on the other side of it."

I was so tired of his inscrutable ranting. I just gave him an irritated look. Why was I was standing on the beach talking to my dad? The dawn was breaking through and I could see the beach with more clarity. I looked out at the waves and then let out a gasp.

No wonder this place felt so familiar. My mouth popped open in realization. And like moments before_—_as I was watching my life flash before my eyes, another event flooded my mind. It came back to me. A memory that I'd never experienced…because I hadn't been conscious to experience it.

Jacob saved me from the vampire here. I looked down at the ground. I was standing in the exact spot where the vampire had sunk his teeth into my ankle. I thought about my screams of pain…and what they must have sounded like to the pack. The screams that I'd heard seconds ago were none other than my own cries of agony.

I felt nauseated as it all came rushing back to me. I could recall just wanting to die. I couldn't feel anything but pain. Then, there was a brief moment when I'd felt a cool nose press against my flaming flesh. Jacob knew right away that something was wrong. That's why he phased back. I remember feeling his hand on my face. It hadn't remained there very long because my skin was scorching.

As always, he and Sam bickered. Jacob had disobeyed Sam's orders and had done something or another to piss him off. But their argument didn't last long.

When the vampire returned, Sam had ordered Jacob to get me some place safe. The next few seconds were a blur except for the sounds of Sam and the vampire fighting. The sounds of metal being torn apart rocked my eardrums. Even though it was giving me a headache, at least all of this was starting to make sense. All the noises and sounds that I'd been hearing, and everything I was begging my dad to tell me about was playing out in my mind.

All I could do was watch as the pain of that day overtook my body again. Reliving that day sucked, because _that_ was a painful day. Since Sam was an idiot that never thought things through, Jacob ran with me to Jared's shitty little house. The run itself was a complete blur…until now. I cringed as I relived my injuries. Jacob was as gentle as he could be, but I could still feel the pain. My cheek rested against Jacob's chest.

I just wanted him to drop me and let me die. But he was determined to help me. Just before we got to Jared's, Jacob slowed his pace. He pushed some of my hair out of my eyes and cradled me in his arms.

"Hang in there, you little nuisance," he'd muttered to me quietly.

I guess even my subconscious had blacked out at that point, because the next thing I remembered was waking up on Jared's couch. I had snarled to myself, _What the hell is this?_ _Shrine de-la Jared's imprintee?_ There were pictures of Kim _everywhere_. I tried to focus on something else.

Jacob was off in thought. I tried to move, but the pain was unbearable. I'd groaned out through the anguish. Jacob immediately snapped his head down to look at me. He was relieved that I was alive. But when he heard me crying from the pain that I was in, I saw the horror slowly wash across his face. He'd asked me what was wrong, but it hurt just to breathe. I couldn't respond. My words just came out as jibberish. And as my breath got harder to catch, I'd reached out in a panic.

The moment that I'd taken his hand in mine, I could feel a warmth even hotter than the vampire venom course through my body. And for a brief second, I felt better. I wanted to tell him how freaked out I was. How much this really sucked. How wrong I was to let this happen. But I couldn't find the words. I felt a spasm of pain shoot through my body, and all I could think about was my family.

"Tell my mom and Seth that I love them." I could see the horror on his face. I was not going to be able to fight the venom much longer, and the pain became more intense. I could barely tolerate it. So I'd spewed a list of cuss words out that I'd learned by watching way too many war movies with my dad. Then I'd cussed Sam out and asked Jacob to bruise his balls for me. I don't think Jacob understood me, but he continued to hold my hand.

"God damn ball licking piece of shit leech. Oh, God. It. Fucking. Hurts," I'd moaned. I'd begged for the pain to stop_—_for Death to just freaking touch me with his grubby little skinless finger so the pain would end.

I didn't have to tell Jacob what was going through my mind. He could see it written in my eyes. I felt his hand tense up around mine when he realized how incredibly screwed I was. The last thing I could recall was the look on Jacob's face as I started to slip away. It actually upset me to think of him being uncomfortable.

"Leah?" Jacob's voice faded, and it was replaced with my father's. I looked over at my dad blankly. I blinked a few times.

_That was a hell of a ride._ I thought to myself.

"Where'd you go? I lost you for a second, kid." He looked concerned, but not surprised. I stood in silence for a moment. "You want to tell your old man what you were thinking about?"

"Jacob Black."

Again, he didn't look surprised. "What about him?"

"I screwed up," I frowned. I had let him fall for me. And even worse, I had let myself fall for him. And just as I feared, I was going to cause him heartache. I just couldn't have one normal functioning relationship in my life. Geeze, I really _was_ a relationship killer.

"He loves you," Dad smiled. "And he's left the choice up to you. A great man once said that to know true love, you must put the needs of your loved ones before your own."

"What moron said that?"

"You're looking at him," Dad winked.

The morning light was glistening over the ocean. There were clouds in the sky, but they were very slowly breaking away to let the rising sun peek through.

"Wow, that's not something you see every day." Dad marveled at the sight of the sunrise.

I rolled my eyes. "It's just a giant ball of gas in the sky...that gives you cancer."

Dad turned and took a few steps away from me. I swallowed a knot in my throat. I felt like I was losing him again. I went to take a step forward, but something was holding me back. I closed my eyes and tilted my head up and drew in a shaky breath.

"Dad?"

He looked back at me and took another few steps forward.

"Damn it, don't ignore me," I grumbled as I pushed myself forward. Each step forward became more challenging. The closer I got to my father, the harder it was for me to breathe. "You know, you were a better listener when you were alive."

"Time's up, baby." Dad looked at me sadly. His gaze drifted back to the pink and purple lights shining through the gray clouds.

"Since when are ghosts on a time crunch?" I asked. He turned to face me. He lifted my chin with his fingers and brushed away my tears. When the hell had I started crying? And since when could dead people cry? I panicked when I saw him fading away. "I want to stay with you."

"You aren't ready for this, sweetheart." He put his hand on my face. I started trembling when I felt his essence again.

"Neither were you, but that still didn't stop you from dying," I choked out.

"If you stay with me, it will _break_ him." Dad shook his head. I knew the exact person who would be losing the most in this situation. It was unfair for me to love Jacob. Because the past week we'd had together had brought him nothing but pain. I was a selfish bitch. Dad was right. If I really loved Jacob, I would have put his feelings before my own. But it's not like I could go back into the past and change things.

_Could I_? I paused to think about the ludicrousy of that idea. Even if I could get my hands on a time machine, with my luck, I'd probably end up changing some huge event in history and come back to a future where mice ruled the planet.

"You can do this. You're a Clearwater." My dad reached his hand out to me. I didn't quite understand the gesture, but I took his hand anyway. I shivered the moment that his hand made contact with mine. "You are my daughter."

"That explains the hairy back and the snoring. Thanks, dad." I managed to sniffle out through my quivering voice. I wanted to hug him again, but I couldn't make my feet obey me. _Stupid feet_. "I don't know if I can make it without you anymore."

"You're not alone. Leah, you're _never_ alone," he sighed and looked at the ocean. The sun was shining brightly…_for once in this damn town._ Dad gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and then took a step back. "Don't stay here for long," he warned me. "You have to make a choice...whether you want to or not."

I closed my eyes to fight back my tears. I could feel them building up in my throat. When I opened my burning eyes back up, I was alone again.

_Alone_. I was so damn tired of being alone. I kicked the sand under my feet in frustration. And lucky me_—_my toe caught something hard. I looked down and saw a rock. _Brilliant, Leah_. I muttered angrily to myself as I hopped around on one foot. I tripped backwards over another rock and landed on my back.

"Why the hell does karma hate me so much?!" I yelled.

I stayed on the sand and glared up at the sky. I couldn't force myself to sit up. My chest felt weird and I could feel my throat closing up from the tears that I'd been forcing back. I could feel my airway clogging up. I closed my eyes and thought of the only thing that still made sense to me in my life. The one person who had always been right in front of my eyes and right out of my grasp. How could I have been so moronicly blind?

I opened my eyes and everything was dark again. Well…crap. I laughed bitterly. _Why, hello there, darkness. Long time, no see._

The darkness didn't last for long. When the light hit my eyes, I thought that I might go blind. As my hazy vision adjusted to the new light, I had to wonder if I'd made the right decision.

Was I being selfish?

I shook my head. It was too late to second guess myself now.


	42. The heart wants what it wants

**My readers are awesome. It never ceases to amaze me how many people are actually reading my work.  
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**Chapter 42:**

**The heart wants what it wants**

I stared blankly for a minute while the sunny beach faded from my sight. It didn't take long for my eyes to adjust. As I gazed at the confusing scene around me, I couldn't help but feel…safe. In my entire life, I had never been so relaxed.

Choices aren't always easy_—_especially in my life. I'd gotten so used to others making decisions for me that it took a little time for me to actually make one for myself. But when I really thought about it, I always knew what I wanted. It was a no-brainer. I knew that I was being undeniably and indescribably selfish. Because instead of listening to what everyone around me wanted, I just listened to myself. I did what _I_ wanted because I wanted _my_ needs to come first. I put everyone else on the backburner and gave in to my own urges.

_What is it that YOU want?_ I asked myself a stupid question. According to my dad, I needed to think about what Jacob wanted. Well, that was an even _stupider_ question. Because I was more certain of what _he_ wanted than what I did. I'd never really thought about it, but…our requests were the same. He had begged me to live for him…and I wanted to give him that.

I felt my body starting to shake from deep within my core. I knew that everything was going to be okay when I opened my eyes. My eyesight was perfectly clear. No more haze or tears blocking my view. My world was spinning, but I stayed perfectly still. Content.

At first, I wasn't sure what I was looking at. I just felt a pure tranquility hovering over me. I could feel the warmth, I could taste the sweet air, I could smell…mangos. The feel of the one person who had ever truly loved me.

"Jake…" It wasn't my voice that uttered his name. It's what I wanted to say, but I couldn't because Jacob's lips were pressed against mine. His hand was against my neck and his eyes were closed. I could see tears squeezing out, staining his face. My heart was racing, but not so much that I felt like I was going to pass out. It was a good, fast heart rate. The warmth of Jacob's embrace encompassed my body and I felt like my heart was melting.

"Jake…" It was Seth's voice I'd heard moments ago. He was trying to get Jacob's attention. But I didn't see my brother. All I was focusing on was the determination on Jacob's face. I couldn't see anything else.

"Amazing." I heard Edward. Well, either I was alive or Jacob had gone insane with rage and killed everyone, starting with the mindreader.

_Welcome back to my disturbing mind, you anal dwelling buttplug,_ I thought with a laugh.

Jacob parted his lips and I could taste his hot, sweet breath mixing with mine. I took in a breath and then pushed the air out of my lungs and into Jacob's mouth.

His body suddenly tensed up and he opened his eyes to see me looking back at him. I thought he was going to pass out from shock. He pulled away slightly, leaving his lips just inches from mine.

I laughed softly, "Please…" I grinned. "...continue."

He looked at me unsurely for a moment, as if he was afraid that this wasn't real. He ran his hand across my cheek and rested it against my neck as he continued to stare at me.

My heart slowly fell back to a normal pace. I blinked a few times and then looked at my surroundings. It took a moment for my brain to register the room around me. Even though I knew that I was surrounded by vampires, I didn't care. All I could do was concentrate on Jacob.

"Well, are you going to say anything, or are you just going to stare at me with that stupid look on your face?" I hoped he stood there with the stupid look on his face for a few more minutes. He was cute as hell when he was confused.

Jacob sniffled out a few joyful sobs. I looked around the room at the vampires. Why the hell weren't they teasing him about this? I could just hear Emmett's snarky remark about seeing a grown werewolf blubber like a baby.

_"What's the matter, Sparky? Did they cancel your subscription to Animal Planet?"_

"Oh my God," Jacob laughed through his tears.

"Hey, Jake…" I smiled at him. "Would you like me to buy you a training bra?" I asked sarcastically. "Stop crying like a little girl."

I heard a boisterous chuckle from across the room and I recognized the annoying laugh right away. I turned and looked at Emmett. He was grinning at me, as always. He turned to Alice with a twinkle in his eye and held his head up proudly.

"Told you so. Pay up," Emmett smirked at his sister. He rubbed his hands together in excitement. "I love betting when you don't know the outcome."

"I told you, it was _not_ a bet. Both parties have to be in agreement in order for it to be a binding wager," Alice said.

"You're just mad because I thought of it first."

"And you're just angry that I kicked your butt at 'Go fish.'"

_Go fish? Really?_ Wow...these vampires needed to get a life.

"You only won because you cheat, you...cheater..."

"You are such a _child_." Alice rolled her eyes.

"I know you are, but what am I?" Emmett said in a bratty voice.

"Grow up, Emmett." Alice stormed out of the room in frustration.

"Aww, come on…don't be a sore loser!" Emmett called after her. He noticed me glaring at him. Suddenly, his goofy little smile left his face and he looked down at the ground like a puppy getting yelled at for something. I was getting ready to whip the shit out of this puppy.

"You bet on whether I would live or die?" I managed to sound pissed off through all of my other emotions.

After a moment, Emmett's stance relaxed again and he shook his head.

"Nah. I knew you'd make it. I just bet that you'd call Wishbone here a girl." Emmett glanced at Jacob.

I looked at Jacob again. He was looking at me lovingly. And for once, it didn't make me want to puke. He'd almost lost me, so he was allowed to look at me like that…for now. But hopefully he wouldn't turn into a smothering, clingy boyfriend who couldn't go two seconds without pestering the hell out of me.

"Leah." He smiled softly when he said my name. He said more with the emotion behind the tone than I'd ever heard. "You're back," Jacob said happily. "You're back!" He lost control of his excitement and hugged me.

"Careful," Carlisle warned him. "Her body has been through a lot."

Having Jacob touch me was almost more than I could handle. For the first time since I'd opened my eyes, I realized how much I wanted him, and his touch only made me want him more.

"I do _not_ need to be treated delicately," I frowned at the doctor.

Hell, I had so much pent up energy that my body could probably _use_ a little roughhousing right now. If the vampires weren't standing in the room with us, I would have pulled Jacob on top of me and ripped his clothes off. But doing that while the vampires watched might make Jacob uncomfortable. Or would it? He was a teenage boy. I knew it was on his mind _constantly._ If I asked him to make love to me right now, he'd probably forget the vampires were even here. All his brain would be able to respond with would be _Sex...good._

_Hmm, I wonder if Jacob would even care._ I seriously considered the possibility of just acting on my urges. But then I remembered…yeah, I'd just had major surgery and then died. Having Jacob ride me like crazy would probably not be such a good idea at the moment.

I suddenly remembered something else. I wasn't alone with my thoughts in here. I looked at Edward. He had the slightest hint of a smile on his stupid, vampire face. The damn bastard...

_I. Hate. You._

"Well, her thoughts are fine," Edward assured Carlisle.

Some of the vampires quickly dispersed, no doubt to update everyone. I imagined them skipping around, singing their own version of _Go tell it on the Mountain._ The miracle doggy lives! Emmett, Seth, and Jacob hung around while Carlisle examined me. Jacob watched silently as he held my hand. I felt bad for Jacob. In the past week, the freaking vampire doctor had felt me up more than my poor boyfriend.

"How do you feel?" Carlisle started being all doctory and medical again. He started looking at machines and touching me with his frozen hands.

"A little odd," I admitted. And I was only feeling odd because I felt normal again.

"Hmmm, interesting," Carlisle nodded.

"Great. What's wrong now?" I grumbled.

Carlisle had a smile on his face as he responded, "It's all normal. Everything." He checked my vitals. "Granted, you do still have a fever…" But his expression never changed as he continued. "Then again, I know wolves generally run a bit higher than humans."

I kept waiting for him to get to the bad news, but it never came. So I questioned him.

"I'm running a fever?" That was it? Really?

"It's decreasing as we speak," Carlisle said. "I suppose it's a good thing that you're here. If the doctors at the hospital saw that your temperature was nearly one-fifteen, they might freak out just a little bit."

"Holy shit. One-fifteen? Wow. New record," I nodded proudly and then thought about it for a moment. "What exactly does that mean?"

"It means your body is fighting."

"But?"

"'But' nothing," he said. "I'm astonished. I've never seen anything like it. Leah, your body is healing again."

Wait a minute. My life was suddenly going right? How had that happened? I looked up at Jacob.

"What do you know? I didn't screw it up," I laughed softly.

"I'll go tell the guys." Seth walked over next to Jacob. He looked at me and I could see how relieved that he was. The poor kid already had worry-wrinkles thanks to me. I peered at him for a second and realized just how much he looked like our father. He had the same sweet face.

"If they haven't killed each other by now," Jacob muttered under his breath.

"What could Embry and Quil have to fight about? I thought they were joined at the hip," I laughed. Their bromance was as sickening as Jacob's and Seth's.

"_All_ of the guys." Seth clarified what he meant.

The entire pack was here? With the vampires?

"They came with Sam." Seth frowned when he said Sam's name.

So…Sam brought his entire pack into a house full of vampires that he wanted to _kill_ a few days ago? Wow, he must be intensely uncomfortable right now. And that pleased me.

Seth turned to leave, but before he did, he smiled gently at me.

"I'm glad you're okay, Leah."

"Yep, I'll be torturing you for years to come," I assured him.

He stared at me in silence for a second. Then he reached out his hand and pinched my arm.

"Ow! Seth, what the hell!?" I yelled.

"This better be the last time you ever put me through this." He shook his head. "I'm tired of you scaring the crap out of me."

"You little turd. That's going to leave a mark." I rubbed my arm where he'd pinched me.

Seth laughed at the irony of my statement as he disappeared out of the room.

"Incredible," Carlisle murmured to himself. He was still surprised at how quickly things had gone from terrible to stable. "It's going to take a few days, but at the rate your body seems to be healing itself, you should be back on your feet in no time."

"Guess you got all of the venom." Jacob gave Carlisle an appreciative nod.

Carlisle smiled back at Jacob, "I believe it was more than that."

I looked at Jacob and he smiled at me sheepishly. I waited for him to explain what Carlisle meant.

"I know I told you that I would let you make this decision on your own, but…I cheated a little…" Jacob admitted.

"He stuck his tongue in your mouth several times," Emmett interrupted him.

Jacob glared at him angrily.

"I just wanted to remind you of what you would be giving up," Jacob said. "Gives a whole new meaning to 'the kiss of life,' doesn't it?" he laughed nervously.

"As long as his lips were touching yours, your heart continued to beat," Carlisle explained. He shrugged, "There's no medical explanation for it."

"Good, because I wouldn't understand it anyway," I said. Truth be told, I _never_ understood anything Carlisle said. He spoke with so many large, confusing words. Carlisle drew what I was hoping to be the last sample of my blood that he would ever need and then ran off to his little lab with it.

"It must have been very difficult for you to stick your tongue in my mouth while I was dead," I smirked at Jacob.

"It was harder for the rest of us." I forgot that Emmett was still in the room with us. "I was getting kind of sick of watching your necrophiliac boyfriend making out with you," Emmett frowned in disgust.

"So, Jake, you were making out with a corpse?" I questioned. I smirked as I continued, "Hey, did you get pointers from Emmett? I hear his wife is dead inside."

"You little spitfire," Jacob laughed. He smiled at me, impressed.

"Very uncool, Leah." Emmett shook his head solemnly.

"Consider it payback," I shrugged. "And that's not even the _half_ of it. I have _things_ planned for you…" I frowned.

"Oh, really?" Emmett questioned. He looked at Jacob and paced towards the door. I knew what he was getting ready to say. "Anything in the bedroom?"

"Emmett_—_get the hell out," Jacob growled.

"Okay, chill." Emmett threw his hands up defensively. He gave me a quick nod and then a wink. "Glad you're still alive, Scooby Dudette." He raced out of the room.

"That was a good one," Jacob laughed as soon as Emmett had disappeared.

"I still don't understand how he knows so much about dogs." I shook my head.

"He's married to one," Jacob grinned.

"Hey!" Emmett stuck his head back in. "Enough with bashing my wife."

"I knew you were still listening, you asshole." Jacob growled at him. "And if you are allowed to make sexual remarks about my girlfriend, then I'm allowed to bash your wife."

Emmett thought about this for a moment and then nodded. "Fair enough." He disappeared again.

Jacob shook his head. "You know what annoys me the most about him?" he frowned.

"The list is endless," I smiled.

"Nothing freaking bothers him! It's like he's too stupid to understand that I'm insulting him."

"I know what you mean. I'm dating a guy just like that," I teased him.

"Hey, that wasn't very nice," Jacob pouted.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Were you expecting a perfectly happy, sweet little girlfriend who giggles like an idiot…because if you are, then I've just come back from the brink of death to disappoint you."

"I wouldn't have you any other way." Jacob swiftly kissed me. "That line about Rosalie being dead inside? Genius." He smiled with praise.

"Actually, Rosalie isn't that bad," I shrugged. "She's a bitch, but she's honest. I can relate." I thought about the few times that I'd been _fortunate_ enough to endure Rosalie's _charming_ personality. I think the two of us had an unspoken understanding. She didn't say anything to me. And I didn't say anything to her. We just glared at each other hatefully and took comfort in the fact that we were more alike than either of us would ever admit.

"Did you actually just say those words?" Jacob asked, astonished.

"Geeze, you're right. How long was I dead? Maybe I have brain damage," I sighed happily and closed my eyes.

"Leah…please don't close your eyes," Jacob begged.

I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He looked so serious. God, I was never going to be able to close my eyes again without Jacob freaking out. I was going to have to walk around with tape holding my eyes open forever.

I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled at him.

"Hi," I said.

"Don't you 'hi' me. Do you have any idea what you put me through today?"

"I'm alive."

"Do you know what it would have done to me if you hadn't…" He choked out a grunt.

"Talk about mood swings. First you were crying, then you were laughing, and now you're yelling? Are you a hormonal pregnant woman?"

He shook his head in frustration. I guess he had gotten over his initial excitement and was now venting his frustrations. Sometimes I wondered if guys got PMS. The way they acted confused me.

"I get that you're independent, but MY GOD!" he exclaimed.

"Are you seriously yelling at me right now?" I gawked.

"You just don't seem to get it, Leah," Jacob grumbled. "I love you." _Yeah, and I love you, too, you big moron._ He was so busy ranting that I couldn't say anything. I just let him get all mushy. "I don't think you understand what you mean to me!"

"Jacob…" I got it. I really did.

"You can tease me all you want, but it won't make me love you any less…"

"Uh huh, but I…"

"There is going to be a point in our lives that you _will_ let me in."

_I already have._

"Lee, I've done everything that you asked of me. And now it's my turn. I want you to promise me that you'll never forget how much you mean to me."

"Oh, is that all?" I smirked.

"You and I are supposed to be together…you know that."

_DUH!_ I knew that everything he was saying to me was true. And I reciprocated the feelings. But I couldn't stand this overshare of emotions.

"God, just shut up!" I leaned forward and pushed my lips against his. This was the only way I knew how to get him to be quiet. And it worked like a charm. After a moment, I broke away from our passionate embrace. Jacob was looking at me nervously, like he was waiting for me to pass out. I just smiled at him. My heart was racing again, but this time…I was dizzy for the right reason.

I'd never really experienced endorphins before today. The happy little nerves that traveled throughout my body pushed the excitement into my heart.

I grinned at Jacob, glad that I had distracted him from his little rant. His eyes were burning through me.

"Are you quite finished acting like a crazy person?" I asked.

"Yes," he smiled meekly.

I laughed, "Good. So," I glanced at him curiously, "what's this about your 'kiss of life?'"

"You're not mad, are you?" Jacob asked.

"What the hell do I have to be mad about?" I laughed.

"I knew that kissing you would make your heart rate go up," he said. "There hasn't been _one_ time that we kissed that your heart didn't go into overdrive." He paused and thought about something. "As it is, it nearly sent you to the grave…"

"Kissing had nothing to do with that." I put my hand on his face comfortingly. "In fact_—_you aren't allowed to tease me for this, but_—_I didn't die because you kissed me. Because when you kiss me, Jake, my heart starts beating. My heart continued beating _because_ of you," I smiled. _You're being a mushy idiot, Leah._ I shook my head, but continued anyway, "Until you kissed me, I'd never felt so alive." Not even Sam had made my heart race the way that Jacob did.

He sighed, "I told you that I'd let you make your own choice."

I didn't hesitate as I answered him, "I _did_."

"Did my kiss have anything to do with it?" he asked curiously.

"It had _everything_ to do with it," I nodded.

"Awww…" Jacob smiled. "You _love_ me…" He teased me.

"Don't push it." I glared at him.

"You do. You love me!" He continued to grin at me.

"Yeah, but not as much as you love me," I smiled. "I mean…for the love of God, you were…_literally_ my oxygen tank." I shook my head and laughed. "You know, that sounded stupid when you said it to me before. And it still sounds stupid now."

Jacob just grinned at me and leaned forward to kiss me on my forehead. He rested his lips against my head for a moment as he closed his eyes and inhaled my scent.

"You're still weird, Jacob," I sighed.

"And you're still a psycho." He laughed and pulled away from me. "A psycho that I _love_."

"Okay, I get it. You love me," I said.

"Aren't you going to say the same thing to me?" Jacob asked.

"Once a month is my limit."

"Come on…" Jacob begged.

I heaved out a sigh, but before I could say anything, Carlisle was back in the room with us. Jacob and I both glanced at him nervously. Rarely had he come in the room with _good _news.

Apparently, there was a first time for everything.

"Considering everything you've been through, your bloodwork looks…incredible." Now _those_ were a few doctor terms that I understood.

"Awesome." Jacob and I both said at the same time. I glanced at him. _Are you in my head or something, Mr. Alpha?_

"So…not that I don't just _adore_ you bloodsuckers to pieces, but…when can I get out of here?" I questioned.

"We'll give it a couple of days," Carlisle said. "But I don't forsee any more complications." He smiled. "And Alice's visions are starting to come back to her…" That was a hint that maybe we would be out of here soon. And that was enough to make me want to jump out of this hospital bed and do a dance around the room.

"Hey…" Emmett walked into the room behind Carlisle.

"Didn't I kick you out?" Jacob grumbled.

"Yep," Emmett nodded. "I just came back in to see what you guys wanted to do about the doggy day care center that is currently in my living room," he explained. "You've got a hell of a waiting room here," Emmett smirked at me. "Want me to toss a few of them?" he asked hopefully.

I thought about it and then nodded. "Paul."

Emmett rubbed his hands together excitedly. "Alright. This party just got interesting."

"He bites," Jacob warned Emmett.

"So do I," Emmett laughed.

"Hey, while you're at it, why don't you tell Sam to hit the road, too?" I asked Emmett for a favor. I couldn't believe that I was asking the big lug for a favor. I sighed. I didn't want to admit it, but I kind of liked having Emmett around. He made me laugh. And besides Jacob, no one else could keep up with me and my attitude. But I was still going to kick the jock's ass once I was completely healed. No one put a pink gown and booties on me and got away with it...

"With pleasure, Fluffy," Emmett nodded.

"Emmett…" Carlisle said with a warning tone in his voice.

"I'm just going to…escort them out," Emmett smiled innocently.

I laughed as I watched Carlisle follow Emmett out of the room. I couldn't help but picture Carlisle being a 'dad' and putting Emmett in time out for misbehavior. I bet when push came to shove, the doctor could be a hell of a disciplinarian.

Jacob chuckled, "Bet you're glad that I convinced the vampires to stay after all."

"Oh, yes," I said sarcastically. "All hail Jacob and his infinite wisdom," I snickered. I couldn't say that with a straight face.

"Damn straight." His hands cupped my face and he pulled me towards him.

My heart fluttered and I felt Jacob's mouth twist into a smile. I might not have said "I love you" out loud, but my heart was telling him over and over again.


	43. There's a werewolf in my bed

**Chapter 43:**

**There's a werewolf in my bed**

I rolled over and let out a groan. I felt pressure on my stomach and opened my eyes to look at the source of the discomfort. I was staring at Jacob's face. He was snoring lightly, his arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace. Sometimes Jacob forgot his strength. Normally, I could match his power, but he was unconsciously hugging me, his arms squeezing my waist. And the more I struggled, the closer he pulled me.

The look on his face was a bit unnerved. He looked determined and at the same time...scared. As he squirmed uncomfortably about whatever bad dream his subconscious had unleashed on him, I ran my resting hand from his bare chest up to his face.

"I know you're dreaming, but I can't breathe…" I tried to get him to loosen his grip on me.

My voice only made him hold me tighter. _You survived being bitten by a vampire, and now you're going to get suffocated by your boyfriend._ I thought to myself.

"Jacob, seriously…if you don't let me go, I'm going to hit you…"

"Leah…" he said softly. "I'll never let go." He was still dreaming.

"You watched _Titanic_ again last night, didn't you?" I responded softly in his ear. He'd never admitted it out loud, but he liked that movie. Every time it was on, he'd find some reason to watch it. I'd heard the excuse "Kate Winslet has a rockin' body" about a thousand times. He'd once tried "it's a very important documentation of something that happened in history."

To which I'd responded, "Leonardo DiCaprio drawing Kate Winslet's tits is in our history books?" I hated it when things in history got turned into some sappy romance flick. And I hated it even more knowing that Jacob liked to eyeball some other chick naked...though he _was_ a teenage boy. I wanted to kick myself for being such a jealous jackass. Like Jacob Black had a shot with Kate Winslet? Still, I couldn't help but find flaws in the movie. "Come on...the actual Titanic didn't take this long to sink. This movie is too long. Aren't they dead yet?"

My thoughts drifted back to the fact that Jacob was still holding me tightly in a bear hug.

"Jake..." I said. "Squeeze me any tighter and juice might start coming out of my nose."

He still didn't loosen his hold. Well, I'd always heard that you were never supposed to wake a sleeping dog…but I was about to get smothered, so I made an exception in this case.

"Bacon." A word that always seemed to get his attention. His arms immediately relaxed around me.

"Hmm?" Jacob opened his eyes sleepily. "Did I hear something about bacon? Is your mom cooking breakfast?"

Actually, I'm not even sure my mother was home. The little hussy had stayed out late with Charlie for the past two nights. It would have bothered me more, but it gave me time to relax in my own home with Jacob. Though she knew that we were dating, she had no idea how close the two of us really were. And I did _not_ want to listen to anymore lectures from my mother about practicing safe werewolf sex. Not to mention she might ask what it was that brought us so close together.

The phrase, _"Uh…yeah, I died again…"_ would send her into a tailspin. Seth and Jacob had managed to fool mom into thinking that I'd run away again while I was recovering at Vampire Manor. So, of course, the moment I walked in the door when I got home, I got a lecture about disappearing.

After she'd bitched at me for half an hour, I glared at the boys.

"You couldn't come up with something a little more creative?" I'd frowned. "Hell, even dad didn't complain this much when I saw him…" That was the first time I'd mentioned that I'd seen my father in my unconsciousness.

I saw Seth's face scrunch up in confusion. Then he smiled.

"You saw dad?"

I'd nodded.

"What'd he say?"

"He yelled at me for dying."

"Good," Seth nodded triumphantly.

My father might have annoyed me with all of his cryptic "dad" stuff when we were talking, but I understood now in perfect clarity what he was trying to say to me. At this very moment, looking at the love that Jacob had for me, I knew that I belonged with him.

"You have bedhead." I laughed as I jostled Jacob's scruffy hair.

He didn't say anything as he sighed happily. I'd never seen Jacob so happy. He'd been such a moody little shit ever since he'd turned into a werewolf and lost Bella. But these past couple of weeks, I'd seen his happy personality return with major gusto. He nuzzled his head against me and then hugged me in the same embrace he'd been holding me in as he slept just moments ago. I started to get the feeling that his dream was about me. Of course, he _always_ dreamed about me. Sometimes he bitched at me for things that I'd done in his dreams.

One day, he'd woken up irritated and started to gripe at me.

"You are in so much trouble…"

I'd just stared at him and frowned, "Great, what'd dream Leah do _now_?"

He'd complained about something my little dream personality had done in his head and I just frowned at him the whole time.

"You're punishing me for something that _you_ dreamed. Do you know how insane that is?"

"Not half as insane as you," he'd mumbled back. I'd just rolled my eyes at his dramatics.

This morning he wasn't looking at me with any hint of anger. He was looking at me with relief and satisfaction. Apparently, my dream self hadn't pissed him off in his sleep this time.

"I woke you up again, didn't I?" Jacob questioned.

"What the hell were you dreaming about?" I asked. "I couldn't get you to release your death grip on me."

"I just…never want to let you go," Jacob admitted.

"That's sweet. Excuse me while I go throw up," I teased him.

He ignored my snarky comment and closed his eyes with a smile on his face. When he opened his eyes back up, he gazed kindly into mine.

"So," I glanced at him. "You're in my bed again." I pointed out. Jacob had been slowly edging his way into my bed. The first couple of nights after I'd gotten home from The Haunted Mansion, Jacob had slept on my floor, refusing to leave my side. And as the nights wore on, he pushed himself closer and closer to my bed. Until finally, one night when I was half-way asleep, he asked me if I was feeling well enough to have some company in bed.

I was so tired that I didn't give a shit _who_ was in my bed. And he picked up on that fact. He'd climbed in my bed and hadn't left since.

"You know you love me," Jacob smiled.

Something else I had yet to say again. I'd only said the dreaded "L" word once to Jake. And the only reason I was able to say it to his face was because I thought that I was never going to see him again. The fact that he _knew_ why I was saying it amazed me. He'd refused to accept my death pleas of love. He told me that I wasn't allowed to say it until I meant it. The thing was, I _had_ meant it that day and it still held true today, but it was very difficult for me to say the words.

"Yes, but I _don't_ love your sweat." I shook my head. "I'm burning up. Combined, our body temperatures are _over_ the boiling point of water. It's like sitting around a campfire on the surface of the sun." I pulled away. "I'm sweating like a pig here, Jake."

"You're _so_ hot for me." Jacob pulled me close to him again and kissed me.

When we pulled apart from our kiss, I realized something.

"Jacob…are you naked?" I questioned curiously.

"Oh, I went for a late night run last night," he explained. "I forgot to put my pants back on."

"How do you _forget_ to put clothes on?" I wasn't buying it.

"Sorry. I was distracted." Jacob sounded like he was being honest. And he did have a lot on his mind lately. "I still can't believe that Sam gave up the Alpha position."

"Why?" I asked. "He gives up on everything else in his life."

I had mixed feelings when Sam offered the position to Jacob. He said that the pack didn't belong apart, and that he would do whatever was necessary to bring us together again. I called him on his bullshit. He was just mortified at what a terrible job he'd been doing lately.

I knew he felt guilty as hell for what he did to me. And even though he had donated his blood, I had still yet to forgive him for anything he'd ever done to me. I don't know if I ever could. As uncomfortable as it was for him, Sam visited me quite frequently at the Cullen's. Emmett usually kicked him out after a few minutes. The last conversation I'd had with Sam, I didn't really do much talking. I just hit him a lot and told him that he needed to leave me alone.

Sam told me that he understood…which only frustrated me more. So, I punched him in the jaw and called him a testicular semen jockey. Emmett doubled over in laughter after I beat the crap out of Sam. I'd just glared at him and told him that he was next.

As angry as I was at Sam for nearly destroying my life, I couldn't help but have the smallest amount of gratitude for his actions. A _minuscule_ amount of appreciation. Because it was partly thanks to him that Jacob and I were so close now. But I still thought he was an asshole. That would never change. Sam Uley would always be an asshat in my eyes.

Fortunately, I didn't have to deal with Sam very often. He was taking a break from his duties for a while, and when he came back..._if_ he came back, Jacob was going to make sure that he and I never ran together. Actually, no one really _wanted_ to run with him except Jared. Seth still wanted to bash his brains in…and so did Jacob.

Of course, now that Jacob was the Alpha, he was stoked that he got to order the douchenozzle around.

_"I can't think of a worse punishment for him than keeping him as my bitch for all eternity. Sam Uley is going to wish that he'd never been born."_

I wonder how long Jacob had been out last night. I'd never even noticed his absence. Lately, I'd actually been able to sleep again. When he found out how well I was resting, Jacob had teased me and told me that it was because he was my security blanket. I'd then proceeded to lock him out of my house without his pants in broad daylight, exposing his bare ass to the world.

"Leah! Charlie and your mom are going to be here any minute!"

"So? Charlie has seen you naked before." I would have paid to see Charlie's expression the time Jacob stripped in front of him to phase. The cop probably thought he'd lost his mind.

"Yeah, but your mom hasn't! Do you know how embarrassing…"

"She changed your diapers when you were a baby."

"That was seventeen years ago! Let me back in!" he'd cried from outside the front door.

"No, I don't think I will. I'd like to see you explain to my mom what you're doing naked on our front porch."

He'd replied with a sarcastic, "I'm a werewolf. The only thing I have to tell her is that I shredded my clothes when I lost my temper."

"How are you going to explain the hickeys?"

"Damn it, let me in!"

Of course, I'd made him sweat for a few minutes before I finally opened the door with a big grin on my face. I wasn't ready for my mom to see my new guy naked just yet. Seeing Sam that one time had scarred her…and me.

"You know, when you told me to take my pants off, I wasn't expecting you to kick me out of the house."

"I know," I smirked. It's the way my genius mind worked.

At that point, Seth had come in the living room and saw Jacob standing there…sans pants.

"Oh. My. God. COME ON!!!" Seth screamed. "Jacob, do you even _own_ clothes anymore? What do you have against wearing pants?"

I was convinced that my brother was on to something that day. Jacob Black was pantless again, and this time…he was in my bed.

He did look tired. I looked closer to see just how much rest he'd actually gotten.

"Did the run go okay?"

"It was fine. Paul took over around three," he grumbled. "If he doesn't stop thinking off-color things about my sister, I'm going to throw him out of the pack."

"Rachel always did have horrible taste."

"Yeah, I don't know what she sees in him," Jacob snarled under his breath.

"Well, she certainly doesn't like him for his dick," I laughed.

"Leah, could you refrain from talking about Paul's penis when we're in bed together?"

"I love to watch you squirm," I teased him.

"Don't I know it…" he muttered.

"You know, Paul only runs his mouth because he knows it gets under your skin. You shouldn't let him get to you. I mean, it _is_ possible to coexist with your sibling's significant other. Just look at you and Seth. You two are best buds."

"Yes, but I don't rub our relationship in your brother's face," he frowned.

"I do," I smirked. I laughed, "Look, if Rachel wants to spend the rest of her life with some loser werewolf who has a big head and a small cock, then let her."

"My dad said the exact same thing," Jacob frowned. "Minus the 'cock' thing."

"Okay, new rule. You're not allowed to mention your dad and cocks in the same sentence when we're in bed together." I gagged at the mental picture. "Or…ever again…"

"You're right, it _is_ fun to make people squirm," Jacob grinned at me.

I smacked him and he let out a chuckle.

"Leah?" I heard mom calling from down the hallway.

Crap. So, she _was_ home. I seriously thought that she'd moved in with Charlie. I really wish I could have gotten my father to share his opinion on that matter during that last conversation I'd had with him. I got the impression that he just wanted mom to be happy. He probably didn't tell me that because he knew what my bitchy response would've been.

_"Well, then…you shouldn't have died."_

But even if dad was okay with Charlie moving in on his wife, I still found it creepy.

I looked at the door nervously. As many times as she'd barged into my room and caught me doing something that I would rather she _not_ know about, I could still never remember to take to two seconds to lock my damn door.

When she reached my doorway, I closed my eyes and prepared for her shrieks of "Ohmygod!" But she never came in. Instead, I saw the handle jiggle and then she knocked lightly on the door.

It _was_ locked. I looked at Jacob and he had a grin on his face.

"It's a good thing that I'm smarter than you," he said quietly.

"Lee? Charlie's coming over for breakfast. I was wondering if you'd like to join us?" Mom asked.

"Uh…okay?" I was trying not to sound too conspicuous.

"We should just _tell_ her," Jacob suggested.

"Are you kidding? Do you _want_ her to chase you out of this house with a shotgun?"

"She wouldn't do that."

"Oh, trust me, I'm sure my father has been giving her ideas in her sleep." I glanced up. If my father was watching right now, he was probably having a cow. His little girl in bed with a seventeen-year-old werewolf. A _naked_ seventeen-year-old werewolf.

"Would you mind helping Seth set the table?" Mom asked.

"Give me a few minutes," I responded.

"Is there a reason your door is locked?" Mom finally got suspicious.

"I'm doing drugs and having lots of sex in here," I said sarcastically.

Mom smarted back, "Just don't share needles, and use protection…"

"See? Your mom is cool." Jacob kept his voice to a whisper. "She'd probably be fine with us sleeping in the same bed."

"Are you kidding? My mother is not always a rational person…" I frowned. "When I was in fifth grade, she found out that some little idiot boy tried to kiss me on the playground and she went straight to his parents and got him in trouble."

"I remember that," Jacob laughed. "My dad grounded me for a week."

"What on Earth possessed you to try and kiss me that day?" I shook my head.

He shied away, not wanting to answer.

"Jacob..."

"Some of the kids in my class dared me," he finally admitted. I snickered. I could see a bunch of annoying little boys pressuring Jacob to get his ass kicked by an older girl. "They didn't think I'd go through with it. One of them even offered me his Batman lunch box." Jacob shook his head. "All I wound up with was a bloody nose and no cartoons for a week."

Mom knocked on the door again and asked me if everything was okay. She wasn't used to my door being locked…and she was being an overprotective mother bear.

I scoffed at her mothering, "God, can't a girl masturbate in the privacy of her own room?" I asked sarcastically. Jacob had to smother his face with a pillow to cover his hysterical laughs.

"Leah Clearwater! I did not raise you to be so vulgar!" she shouted from outside my door.

"You'd rather tell her _that_ instead of the truth?" Jacob asked quietly. "I don't see what the big deal is," he shrugged. "I mean, I haven't slept in my bed in almost two weeks. My dad is bound to know something is up. And I'm sure that he and your mother have discussed it."

"Great. Thank you. _Exactly_ the conversation I want to picture our parents having," I frowned.

I could see Charlie, Billy, and my mother sitting on the couch, sharing a bowl of popcorn and watching a movie to make them forget how messed up their lives were. Charlie would cry about the fact that his kid was a monster, and Billy and my mom wouldn't help matters any.

_"*sigh* My daughter is a vampire…"_

_"You think THAT'S bad? Sue's kid is in heat, and it's driving my son crazy."_

_"Boys, shut up, and pass the popcorn." _

"My mom will find a way to torture me about this. She will come up with some horrible, heinous lecture about wolf sex and then proceed to talk to me about it for the next six months of my life." I shook my head. "Besides, have you forgotten about the fact that you're only seventeen?" I asked. "Do you _want_ me to go to prison?"

He laughed darkly, "You'd have every prisoner bowing down to you after the first fifteen minutes. You'd own all of their asses," he said with certainty. He shrugged, "I'm close enough to the legal age…"

"Then again, when do we _ever_ do things the legal way?" I asked. There had been plenty of times in the past that we had both participated in activities that were…less than legal.

"Well, I can't wait…cuz then you'll have no excuse to be paranoid. It's four months away." I'm surprised he wasn't counting down the exact time and hour of his birthdate. "Well, technically, three months and twenty-six days. But…who's counting?"

"Speaking of which, what do you want for your birthday?" I laughed.

"I already have it." He smiled at me and kissed my forehead delicately.

"That is so cheesy." I shook my head.

There was another light knock at the door. I grumbled. I could have sworn that I'd heard my mother disappear after my smartass remark. I guess she was still lingering around, spying on her daughter.

"What would you like drink?" Mom asked.

"Surprise me." I didn't care. I was thirsty, so whatever beverage my mother put on the table, I would drink with no problem. She knew that. I think she just wanted to come in my room to see what I was really up to. It was driving her crazy that she couldn't get in.

I could still hear her breathing outside my door. I was getting ready to shout something else that would make her cringe, but she spoke first.

"Jacob, would _you_ like to join us as well?"

So, my mom _did_ know.

He looked at me. His face was asking, _should I answer_? I nodded.

"Sure," Jacob said.

I heard my mom storm down the hallway and Jacob and I busted into laughter.

"This is going to be the most uncomfortable breakfast I've ever had to sit through." I shook my head and rolled out of bed.

"What about the time you watched Jasper force feed Nessie?" he questioned.

"That wasn't uncomfortable. That was just gross." I could recall the way the horrible baby food stunk worse than the vampires.

I mindlessly ran my fingers across one of the light scars on my stomach. Jacob watched curiously from my bed.

"Isn't it about time to have Carlisle check you out again?" he asked.

"The past three times you've forced me to go, he told me everything looked great. Why should I have to keep going back?"

"He wanted to check your bloodwork again."

"I am _done_ with all of this hospital-doctor shit. If I never hear another medical term in my life, it would suit me just fine."

"It's only been two weeks," Jacob pushed.

"I don't think it's really necessary. Everything has been great." Better than great. But, of course, I would never admit that…because it would ruin my pissy reputation.

"Please? For me?" Jacob asked.

"You know, that's going to get really old," I sighed.

"I _order_ you to go," he frowned.

"Excuse me? You _what_?" I shook my head. "What did I tell you about that?"

He sighed, "_You're_ the boss in the bedroom."

"And don't ever forget it." I laughed as I kissed him.

He pulled me down on top of him unexpectedly. As always, his hand pushed against my cheek as our lips brushed against each other. When we pulled apart, he left his hand gently on my face. His eyes burned into mine with adoration and fervent affection.

"I love you, Leah."

"I know."

He was quiet for a minute and then he moved his hand to push my hair out of my face.

"Let Carlisle check you out just _one_ more time?"

"Fine," I grumbled.

He always knew how to get me to do something. This "love" business was tricky. He knew that I couldn't ignore what he wanted. Damn him for being my soul-mate.

"We'll go after breakfast," Jacob nodded.

Actually, it wasn't a bad idea to have an exit strategy planned going into this disastrous breakfast. I knew that it was going to be awkward. Mom split her time between flirting with Charlie and glaring at me and Jacob.

Charlie chattered happily about his daughter and Nessie. What the hell had happened to the quiet, shy Charlie? I liked him a lot better. Charlie never used to say much, but lately I couldn't get him to shut the hell up. It was only when Charlie was chewing something that mom finally got a word in to Jacob.

"I invited your dad, but he said he couldn't make it," Mom smiled at Jacob. "How's he doing?"

"Don't know. You probably see him more than I do nowadays." Jacob didn't even hesitate as he shoved something in his mouth.

I glared at him. _Are you TRYING to piss her off?_

"I saw him yesterday," Charlie said. "We had to settle some things for the fishing trip that we're taking next weekend. I think that's what he's up to this morning. He's picking up some new equipment. He apparently ordered it two weeks ago."

"Yeah, the last time I talked to him, he couldn't shut up about his new pole," Jacob nodded.

That got Charlie started on how much fun fishing was. Dad used to do this to us all of the time…ramble on incessantly about something as boring as fishing. Like it was a hard feat to capture an animal as stupid as a fish? Charlie continued to talk about fishing while we ate breakfast. But I wasn't about to interrupt him, because he was keeping my mother off of my back. I knew eventually she was going to want to talk to me about my newfound relationship with her best friend's son, but for now, I'd rather hear Charlie talk about the difference between Trout and Salmon.

"See, you've got your Rainbow Trout...that has a silvery, multicolored tint…"

_God, shut the hell up_. I complained in thought. I glanced at Jacob. _Get me out of here. You win. I'd rather be tortured by vampires._ I was begging him to drag me to the leeches' place. He quickly read my face and then cleared his throat.

"Well, this breakfast was really good Mrs. C." Jacob took his plate to the sink and started to wash it off. "But Leah, Seth, and I have to be going. We've got plans."

"Oh, you can leave that, Jacob. I'll get the dishes," Charlie offered.

Charlie Swan was offering to do Jacob Black's dishes? I nearly choked on my eggs. I pictured Charlie running around my kitchen in an apron and busted into laughter. Seth looked at me like I'd lost my mind. I was able to regain my composure fairly quickly.

"What are you kids up to today?" Mom asked curiously.

I wasn't surprised when he lied to her.

"Just a little bit of running around," Jacob said what he always told our parents before we went on patrol. It was his subtle way of telling them that we were going to be on all fours, guarding our town against vampires and other spooky things. They usually didn't ask anymore questions when he answered like that.

"Ah, well…be careful," Mom nodded. She looked at me and Seth the way she always did when we left the house. She was very good at hiding her fear, but I could always tell that she was afraid she'd never see us again. No matter how many times she looked at us like that, I never got used to it.

Seth assured her that we would be fine and then we quickly bolted from the kitchen, leaving Charlie to discuss the difference between saltwater fish and freshwater fish with mom. Poor mom.

"So, where are we heading?" Seth asked as we walked off of our property.

"I finally convinced Leah to let Carlisle recheck her."

"Again?" Seth asked.

Even _he_ thought that Jacob was overkilling this whole "doctor" thing.

"Hey, it beats hearing Charlie discussing his wet dreams about fish," I shivered.

"Do you want to phase, Leah?" Jacob questioned. "Or would you rather just take my car?"

"I didn't have any trouble last time I phased," I shrugged. "Let's race." I grinned as I started to tear my clothes off.

I, of course, stayed ahead of the guys for most of the run. I just couldn't believe that I was racing _towards_ something I had once despised so much.


	44. Revenge is so, so sweet

**Endings are always so bittersweet for me. This fic has been incredibly fun to write. And I hope that you guys have enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.**

**It's a bit long, I know. But, come on…I couldn't just post a short, little ending after everything I put you all through.**

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**Chapter 44:**

**Revenge is so, so sweet**

Halfway to the Cullen's place, I started to wish that we'd taken Jacob's crappy car instead of going as wolves. The run itself was fine, but the company and noise in my head was more than I could take. Of course, it had been a while since I'd shared my thoughts with the guys. Turns out_—_I didn't really miss it all that much.

_Are you nuts? Rocky could kick Rambo's ass any day! _Quil was arguing with Paul.

_Dude, did you SEE Rambo?_ Paul disagreed. _Do you know how many people died in that movie?_

_Rocky has more drive,_ Embry agreed with Quil.

_You idiots do realize that you're arguing over characters played by the same guy?_ I asked. _Are you really fighting over whether or not Sylvester Stallone could kick his own ass?_

_No one asked you,_ Paul snapped.

_Snap at her again and I'll shave your head when you're sleeping. You'll be balder than Donald Trump without his hairpiece,_ Jacob threatened him. I nearly died in laughter when I thought about Paul running around without any hair. He'd look like a giant, hairless rat.

_Geeze, Paul__—__and I didn't think that you could GET any uglier._ Embry chortled at the image in my mind.

Paul was about to say something smart back to me, but Jacob cut him off. _Do NOT mess with her…_

_Alpha's pet,_ Paul muttered.

I was not going to handle Jacob's overprotection well. He still didn't seem to get that just because we were dating didn't mean that he could act all macho and overbearing like all of the other idiots out there in the world. I might even have to sit down and have a little talk with him. Hell, forget the talk. I was just going to do what I did best. I was going to tell him right now.

_I appreciate the backup, Jacob, but I can fight my own battles,_ I said. _Especially against Paul._

_Please, I'd love to see you try,_ Paul muttered.

_With one phone call, I can have Rachel withholding sex from you for the rest of your miserable existence,_ I threatened him.

_Aw, did you HAVE to go there, Lee?_ Jacob grumbled. Anything that reminded him that Rachel and Paul were _together_ really upset him.

_How come she can talk about sex with your sister and not get in trouble?_ Paul pouted. I knew what he was trying to ask, but that still didn't help the fact that his phrasing was terribly wrong. The phrase "sex with your sister" was enough to send their puny, little minds into overdrive.

_Cuz it's hot when two chicks go at it._ Quil was practically drooling. It never ceased to amaze me how perverted these boys were.

_Quil…I'm not even going to begin to tell you what's wrong with that image in your head,_ Jacob said calmly.

_What else would you expect?_ Paul shrugged. _The guy has issues. I mean__—__imprinting on a toddler? Little sicko._

_Do NOT bring Claire into this,_ Quil growled.

I was actually kind of surprised with Paul's low hit. Usually _I_ was the only one who made fun of Quil and Claire.

_Or what? You'll put me in timeout and restrict me from watching Sesame Street?_ Paul laughed. _That kid has turned you into a drooling moron._

_I'd say that Rachel's done the same to you,_ I snapped at Paul. If I could, I would have been pointing my finger at him and laughing, _"Ha, ha. You're an imprinted idiot! You have no free will to love!"_

_Ha! Leah Clearwater is DEFENDING me?_ Quil couldn't believe what he was hearing. _Am I being punk'd?_

_That's not the kind of reality show that you'll ever be on. The only way you'd end up on TV is if you have to sit down and have a talk with Chris Hansen,_ Paul shrugged.

_I'd rather watch Quil playing on the playground with Claire than to see your sick thoughts with Rachel._

_I second that,_ Jacob quickly agreed.

_It wouldn't kill you to think about baseball every once in a while,_ I grumbled at Paul.

_Leah, don't start with me,_ Paul grumbled. _You've got the most perverted mind here._

_I can't help it if I've got more experience than you'll ever get to see in your lifetime._

I felt Jacob's curiosity weighing on me.

_Slut,_ Paul growled.

_Bastard._ I didn't hesitate to fight back.

_Whore._

_Scrotal sack licker._

_Why don't you shut up and go tongue Jake and tell him that you love him?_

_Shut it…before I shut it for you,_ I snarled.

_Make me._

_Paul, you have to listen to her. She's my second._ Jacob reminded him. When Jacob had given me the "second-in command" position, at first I'd refused it, figuring he was just giving it to me because I was his girlfriend. But he explained to me that it was more than that. He told me that the guys usually listened to what I told them because they were afraid of me. He also called me bossy. Then we made out for a while, and after that, I'd gladly accepted his offer. It's amazing how cheery of a mood that I was in after feeling Jacob up.

_Hey, if I slept with you, could I be your second in command?_ Paul asked with a sarcastic laugh.

_If you even come NEAR me with your little pinky penis, I will throttle you,_ Jacob said, disgusted.

_Hear that, Leah? Your boyfriend wants to "throttle" a dude…_ Paul tried to turn a phrase. He just sounded like a moron.

_You're an asshole._ I rolled my eyes. _No. A STUPID asshole._ I added an adjective.

_You know you love me,_ Paul said.

_No. No, I don't. In fact, I hate you so much that I might very possibly explode from the hate that my body is holding for you. You will be responsible for my death, and then Jacob will kill you. _

_Hell, Paul, you're going to get your ass kicked by a girl if you don't shut up._ Quil could feel my frustration.

_Go babysit your girlfriend,_ Paul snapped at Quil.

_Go pretend to please yours with your little thimble dick,_ Quil snapped back.

_Yeah, why are you even running, anyway? I thought you spent all of your free time at Jake's house now,_ Embry said.

_Rachel kicked me out of the house…_

Jacob barked out a laugh before he'd even heard the reason. I think I heard him mutter the phrase "tossing you is the smartest thing my sister's ever done."

_She and Emily are doing girly stuff._ Paul sounded irritated.

_Then shouldn't you be there since you've got the biggest vagina in the world?_ I snapped out laughter.

_Ha, a big pussy and a little dick. Just like Paul's love life, _Quil laughed.

_I'm sick of everyone making fun of my dick!_ Paul cried.

_What dick_? I chuckled. _You mean that tiny little bump between your legs? I thought that was an overgrown pimple._

_Have I told you how much I've missed your thoughts?_ Paul asked sarcastically.

_Probably about as much as Rachel's missed having a REAL man._ Even though I knew that this conversation was uncomfortable for Jacob, Paul had me riled up. And I knew that I was very close to driving him away. It was so much fun to torture him. I really didn't hate Paul. I just really, intensely disliked…everything about him. And this fighting that we did was our _thing_.

_That's it. I'm out of here,_ Paul growled.

_Yeah, go try on bras with your girlfriends,_ I snorted.

He called me a bitch and then phased out. The rest of us died in laughter.

_He lasted a lot longer than I thought he would,_ Quil nodded. _Guess I owe you ten bucks, Embry._

_Do you morons bet on EVERYTHING?_ I questioned.

_Come on. Loosen up, Leah,_ Quil shrugged. _Oh, wait__—__my mistake. You're ALREADY loose…according to Jake's thoughts…_

_You fuckhole,_ Jacob growled.

_That's another ten. I told you he'd be the first to say something,_ Embry said.

_Hmm, I thought Leah would be the one to lose her temper._

_If you think that I'M a bitch…just wait until you see your Alpha mightily pissed off,_ I smirked. _He can make you DO stuff…_

_Crap. I did not think that far in advance._

_Of course not. You don't EVER think,_ Seth shrugged.

_Quil, I order you to phase out and go sit in a corner until I call you and tell you that you can move,_ Jacob snapped.

_Dude, you can't be serious?_

_Keep pushing me, and I'll make you watch an all day marathon of "The Hills."_

_But…that creepy dude with the flesh colored beard scares me,_ Quil whimpered.

_I'll give you to the count of three…_ Jacob warned him.

_Oh, you can count that high?_

_Phase or die._

_You are so bossy. I'm going to start calling you "The Old Maid."_ Quil teased Jacob as he phased out.

_Is it just me, or does Quil talk about kids games way too much?_ Seth asked.

_He's not the one who got beat at "Go Fish" by a vampire._ I laughed at my brother.

_Alice cheats,_ Seth pouted.

_She may have been able to see some of Emmett's and Jasper's cards, but she can't SEE you. She beat you fair and square._ Jacob reminded him.

_I thought Emmett was going to cry when she got his kings._ Seth replayed the game in his mind. I laughed my ass off. Emmett threw his cards down at one point and actually called Esme in to tell on Alice for cheating._ Sometimes those vampires can be such big babies._

Though I'm not sure why_—_when my brother said the word "babies," I felt a twinge of sadness. All of this talking about Claire and children just reminded me that even though I had Jacob, I was still destined to be a barren old woman.

_Maybe you could adopt Emmett,_ Seth suggested quickly. He didn't like to hear my depressing thoughts. They made him feel like he should kick someone's ass. But he didn't know whose ass to kick.

_If Emmett were my child, I would abandon him in a park somewhere._ I shook my head. _He is the reason that I believe in birth control,_ I shrugged. I paused and then continued seriously, _Maybe it's a good thing that I can't have kids. I wouldn't want them to go through everything that we have to. And I wouldn't want to watch them suffer without being able to do anything about it._ I don't know how my mother or Billy Black did it. To know that your kids are in constant jeopardy and to not be able to do anything about it had to be endless torture. _Besides…could you see me as a mother? I'd lose my mind._ I shivered as I thought about trying to keep up with a bunch of little rugrats without wanting to throw them through a wall.

_Can't lose what you never had,_ Seth joked.

Jacob stayed quiet. He knew that I really didn't like to talk about this, and he'd learned rather quickly just to let me bitch about it for a few minutes so I could forget about the fact that I was still a complete failure as a woman.

_You're perfect the way you are._ Jacob couldn't stay quiet any longer.

_Are you going for girliest boyfriend in the world?_ I teased him.

_I'm serious. Besides, you don't know that when you stop phasing that things won't just pick up where they left off._

_Man, I never really thought about it, but if the two of you had a kid…it would be like…a super wolf. Alpha to all of the wolves in the freakin world,_ Embry laughed. He softened his tone a bit. _Have you ever given that any thought? You know…about passing on the Alpha gene?_ Embry tiptoed around the question.

_Oh, yeah. Since I can't have kids, we've got it all worked out,_ I nodded. _He's going to have an affair with the mailwoman._

_Bernice? Yeesh. Good luck with that, dude, _Embry shivered. Our mailwoman was a fifty-year-old ex-policewoman who the years had _not_ been kind to. She looked like Harvey Fierstein. And she sounded like him, too.

_Hey, Edward and Bella are out with Nessie._ Seth noticed as we crossed the line.

_Oh, great. Well, this day just keeps getting better and better,_ I muttered sarcastically.

Seth wasn't wrong. We had barely gotten over the border when we ran into the _Family Circus_ vampires.

Nessie was trotting along _beside_ her parents. When had the month old baby learned to _walk_? Edward and Bella looked very proud. The vampire morons. I had a feeling that they'd be proud of _anything_ their freak daughter did. _"Oh…she sneezed green snot and boogers everywhere. Isn't she adorable?"_

Jacob trotted over to Bella and lowered his head.

He grinned, _Hey, you guys wanna see Bella throw a tantrum?_

Before Edward could say anything to warn his wife, Jacob stuck his massive tongue out and licked Bella's face.

Bella wasn't the only one who threw a fit.

_Gross! You kiss me with that tongue! I hope you know that until you bleach your tongue and then set it on fire, you are NOT allowed to stick it in my mouth again!_ I exclaimed.

_I don't want to hear about your tongues touching..._ Seth complained.

"Oh, that's so gross, Jake_._" Bella quickly wiped the slobber off of her face.

Edward didn't look amused, either, but he was too busy squeezing Nessie's little hand to strangle Jacob. Jacob glanced at him with a sneer on his face. Edward grumbled back.

_Aw, what's the matter? Do you want a big, sloppy kiss, too?_ Jacob snorted at Edward. He laughed, _S'up, mindtoad?_

"Am I to assume that you're going to the mansion?" Edward asked.

_Am I to assume that you're sucking the life out of Bambi's entire family?_ I snapped back.

Edward ignored me, as always, and then nodded at Jacob. "Carlisle and Esme are there."

Maybe this trip to the mansion wouldn't be so bad after all. If it was just them, then I wouldn't have to deal with Blondie's glares of death, or the little midget's talk about Versace's new clothes line.

"Emmett is there as well."

_Shit._ Of course the idiot was there. He was probably planning something horrible to do to me...like tackle me the moment I walked in the door and shove a dress on me. I could see Rosalie and Alice cheering him on from the sidelines.

"Alice and Rosalie are out."

_Hunting?_ Seth questioned.

"Shopping." So, a _different_ kind of hunting.

I saw Nessie look up at Edward. She reached her hands out to be picked up and he automatically responded. She put her hand against Edward's face and asked a silent question.

_Why does she have to be touching you? Can't you impose on her thoughts like everyone else?_ Jacob said.

"She prefers physical contact," Edward shrugged.

_Oh, that's not creepy at all._ I rolled my eyes.

Edward looked at his daughter and responded to her question out loud. "Go ahead."

Nessie turned to us shyly, and then proceeded to do the creepiest thing I'd ever seen.

"Hello, Jacob. Leah. Seth," Nessie smiled.

Jesus Christ. It talked, too? _Holy shit! A talking infant!_ I took an automatic step back. What was she going to do next? Sing the National Anthem? Recite an entire Shakespearean play? Einstein had nothing on this little vampire baby.

Seth was the only one who responded. He let out a happy bark. Nessie laughed. Jacob and I just looked at each other and muttered about how freaky the kid was.

_She's so cute. How can you not love her?_ Seth smirked.

_Did your mom drink when she was pregnant with him_? Jacob asked me.

_I think he came out with his umbilical cord around his neck._ I wasted no time in smarting back.

_That explains a lot,_ Jacob nodded.

_I hate you both,_ Seth grumbled.

_Come on. Let's get to the mansion before Emmett has more time to plot his terrible plans for me._ I was starting to get antsy just sitting here chatting with the _Ripley's Believe it or Not_ family. I shook my head. I had yet to get Emmett back for being such an annoying pain in the ass. I was still trying to come up with a perfect plan.

As we were turning to leave, Edward cleared his throat. "He's scared of spiders."

_What?_ I asked.

"Spiders. Emmett doesn't like them."

I stifled my laughter. The giant muscle man couldn't handle a tiny, little arachnid? The guy who bragged about bagging Grizzly Bears was afraid of a _bug_?

_Are you serious?_ I snorted.

"The mindreading thing isn't always a bad thing," Edward smiled.

_Oh my God. Everything I ever said about you__—__I take back._ I couldn't believe that I was feeling _grateful_ to a leech. I quickly regained my self control and vampire loathing attitude. _Well, except you are a mental mindfucker jackass._

"You're welcome," Edward said stiffly.

As I turned to run off, Jacob and Seth noticed that I was no longer heading to the mansion.

_Hey, you're going the wrong way._ Seth pointed out.

_I'm taking a little detour._ I already had a plan in motion.

Collin didn't live far from here. Seth and Jacob immediately fell in love with my plan. Of course, Collin was stunned to see me on his doorstep in my tattered clothes.

"Uh…did I do something wrong?" Collin questioned when he saw Jacob and Seth behind me, both in wolf form.

"No." I shook my head. "I've got a favor to ask of you…"

Collin still looked terrified out of his mind.

"Do you still have that tarantula?" I asked.

Collin loved all kinds of animals. He'd owned so many different exotic pets that I couldn't keep track of them anymore. The kid was a walking, talking zoo.

"Rosie?" he asked.

I doubled over in laughter. The name of the spider that I was going to use to scare the shit out of Emmett had the same name as his _wife_? Oh, _that_ was classic!

"Yeah. Can I borrow her?"

"Uh…sure…" He looked at me unsurely. He disappeared for a few minutes and then reappeared with a small portable cage, complete with a giant, hairy spider. "I _will_ get her back, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded. If something happened to his precious eight legged freak, I would just buy him a new one at the pet store and replace it. He'd never know the difference. I'd done it with one of Seth's gerbils when he was younger. I'd never really thought about it before, but Seth didn't have any luck with his pets because his big sister was always accidentally stepping on them or washing them with her clothes.

After leaving Collin's place, I couldn't _wait_ to get to the Cullen's. Seth and Jacob both phased and we all went on two legs. The entire time, both of the guys kept their distance from me and the spider.

"Don't tell me that you two are afraid of a measly little bug?" I laughed.

"I don't do spiders." Seth shook his head.

"Yeah. Me either," Jacob agreed.

"Pussies," I laughed.

When we got to the mansion, I hid the cage with Rosie behind a tree and then went in normally so Carlisle could do his doctor thing.

Carlisle was polite as always as he took my blood. Esme offered me food…which I turned my nose up at. I still didn't trust the vampires enough to let them feed me. I didn't care what kind of glowing recommendation that Seth and Jacob had for her. I didn't care if her cooking was better than a freaking orgasm, I would _never_ eat it.

Emmett didn't take long to open his big mouth. The moment he walked into the living room, he grinned at me.

"Ah! She's _alive_!" he gasped jokingly.

"Ah…he's _not_!" I glanced back at him. "Undead psycho."

"_I'm_ not the one who went into the light _twice_ and then got rejected," Emmett laughed. "What do you know? Guess not all dogs go to heaven."

_Yeah, we'll see who's laughing in a minute…_ I muttered in thought.

"I'm going to wait outside. This house reeks." I glanced at Jacob and Seth to let them know that this was part of my plan.

"Yeah. Smells like wet dog," Emmett smirked.

I rolled my eyes as I quickly went to retrieve Rosie. I watched quietly from the Cullen's porch as Seth and Jacob distracted Emmett. He was leaning against an open window and talking about some boring sports team with my brother and Jake.

I opened the cage and gently picked up the tarantula with my hands. I'd never held a spider before. She was actually softer than I thought she would be. I leaned my hand in the window and gently sat Rosie down and waited in anticipation.

"Man, the Bulldogs suck." Emmett was talking about God-knows what sports team. I didn't care about that crap. I never followed any of it.

"They're better than the Gators," Jacob shrugged.

"Yeah, can't argue with you there," Emmett nodded.

I watched as Rosie crawled across the entrance and over next to Emmett's arm. I swear that little spider could read my mind. All I could see in my head was the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz, _"Fly my pretty, FLY!!"_

Jacob finally pushed the plan along.

"Dude…there's a spider behind you." Jacob nodded at Emmett.

"What? Where?!" I saw him thrash his head around wildly and nervously.

My plan couldn't have gone better as Rosie scurried off of the windowsill and on to Emmett's shoulder.

Emmett looked over at his shoulder and came face to face with the giant rose-haired tarantula. He started prancing around the room like some old woman who'd just seen a mouse.

"Ahh! Get it off! Get it off!"

I nearly died when I saw him squealing like a little girl. Jacob had completely lost it at this point. Seth was chuckling, too.

"Awww, what's the matter, big boy?" I leaned in through the window. "Don't you like your new friend?"

Emmett twirled around trying to get the spider off of his back. She finally fell off, but he kept running through the house. He tore out the front door and tripped down his front stairs.

Seth captured Collin's uninjured spider and put her back in the cage.

I watched as Emmett danced around outside, shivering like a little girl.

"You were bitten by a vampire, and you're afraid of _spiders_!?" I walked over to him in laughter.

"I had a bad experience." Emmett darted around, trying to make sure the spider was off of him. "Is it gone? Did I get it off?"

Seth came outside with the small cage and handed the spider to me. I taunted Emmett with it and he fell backwards, tripping over his feet. My beautiful plan was complete as the normally balanced vampire fell into the river. He sat up and spit some water out of his mouth. Not even _I_ could have planned _this_. Seeing Emmett sitting in front of me looking like a drowned bear_—_I couldn't breathe through my laughter.

"Oh my God. This is my favorite day ever!" I exclaimed.

Emmett stood up and shook some water out of his curly hair.

"What gives, Lassie? I thought we were friends," Emmett pouted.

"If you wanna be friends with Leah Clearwater, you've got to learn that _no one_ puts me in pink and throws a pair of booties on me without _serious_ ramifications."

"But_—_a spider?" He still looked nervous that I had the spider in my hand.

"That's right. I'm in your head, and I will psyche you the hell out." I warned him.

"You know, I will get you back for this…" He had a slight smile on his face now.

"I look forward to that day," I nodded.

I heard Carlisle clear his throat from behind us. He looked confused at the scene. He opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but then hesitated. I don't think he really wanted to know.

"Everything still looks great," Carlisle smiled.

"Hallelujah. Praise God," I muttered sarcastically. I looked at Jacob. _I. Freaking. Told. You. So._

Jacob walked over to me and put his arms lovingly around my neck. I quickly shoved him away.

"Come on, Jake…not in front of the bloodsuckers…" I said quietly.

Jacob laughed softly.

I heard a cell phone ringing. I looked around, puzzled. Jacob grabbed a cell phone out of a hidden zipper pocket in his sweats. I'd never seen sweat pants with zipper pockets.

"Hello?" he answered. "Uh huh. Okay." There was a pause. "Yes, sir…" After a few seconds, he hung up.

"Since when do you have a cell phone?" I questioned. "And how the hell did you manage not to lose it when we were running as wolves?"

Jacob stuffed the phone back in his pants and zipped up the small pocket.

"Something my dad came up with," Jacob shrugged. "He snuck into my room one night and stole all of my sweats so he could sew these pockets into all of them."

"Your dad sews?"

"No. But my sister does," Jacob explained. "My dad said he was sick of never being able to reach me, so he forced this cell phone on me," he sighed. "He said it was either that, or he was going to put a bell around my neck."

"We could get you a matching diamond collar and everything! You'd be the most stylish wolf in the pack," Emmett chuckled.

"Now you can see why I went with the cell phone," Jacob laughed. "My dad needs to talk to me." He glanced at Seth. "You mind running with Embry for a while?"

"Sure. No problem," Seth said happily. He bounded off to go and run patrols with the only guy in my pack that _didn't_ drive me insane. I watched my brother disappear into the trees. That kid would be happy until the day that he died. I envied him for it. I loved my brother. He balanced me out. And I always marveled at his optimistic, caring nature...but I also teased the hell out of him for it.

"I've got a feeling that it's going to be a pretty boring conversation." Jacob glanced at me. I think he was trying to save me from being bored to death, but I could tell that he didn't want to leave me. He was becoming so attached to me.

I chuckled, "Oh, whatever will I do without you attached to my hip?"

"Just try not to die." Jacob smirked as he gave me a quick kiss. "Hopefully my dad won't keep me for very long."

"Hey, tell Meals-on-wheels I said 'hi,'" Emmett smirked.

"You're an ass." Jacob rolled his eyes.

"And you smell like dead fish." I laughed at Emmett. I still couldn't believe that a _vampire_ got all uncoordinated, lost his balance, and _fell_ into the river.

Jacob ran off to be the good son and left me with the vampires. Of course, I sure as hell wasn't going to stick around here.

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said. It surprised me how sincere I was being.

"You're welcome. Any time." He was surprised at my gratitude as well.

"Emmett…why don't you kiss your girlfriend goodbye?" I held Rosie's cage out towards Emmett.

He curled up his lip and backed away. I'd never seen a vampire disappear so fast in my entire life. Torturing him with spiders for eternity was going to be fun. I was going to start calling him _Little Miss Muffett._

I got Rosie back home in one piece…which surprised Collin. When I'd showed up on his doorstep asking to borrow his spider, he was certain that he'd never see her again. I couldn't believe that the little dork _cooed_ when I brought her back.

"Aw, she looks exhausted. Did you have a busy day, little Rosie?"

"Collin, I say this with love and respect_—_you need a life. Badly." I shook my head as I walked away from his front door.

As I walked away from his house, I wondered where I should go. It had been quite a while since I'd had time to myself. It was kind of peaceful, but at the same time, I missed Jacob. I wanted to kick myself for becoming one of those codependent idiots.

As I took a jog, I ended up on a low ledge of the rock cliffs. I watched the waves crash against the shore and looked at the gray sky and contemplated, yet again, how my life had come to this point.

I wasn't alone for long. Jacob hadn't taken very long with his father. He walked up behind me, grumbling.

"Leah Clearwater, if you jump from there after everything you've put me through, I'll…"

"You'll _what_?" I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye.

He sighed and then laughed at me. "I thought I smelled your scent."

"Are you stalking me?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Always," Jacob grinned back. "What are you doing up here?"

"Playing hide and go seek. And apparently, I suck at it. Okay. You go hide now," I smirked.

He didn't say anything else as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek.

"Let's go for a walk." He ran his hand down my arm and took my hand in his.

We strolled down the cliff and to the beach. For once, it wasn't raining. The cloudy skies were clearing up. The sun slowly came through the clouds.

"Ow…it's so bright," I cried jokingly. I looked over at Jacob and saw that he wasn't looking at the sky. He was focused on me. "Aw, stop staring at me," I frowned.

"You know me well enough to know that that's not going to happen."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I do."

"We're one in the same," he grinned.

"Okay, you're starting to piss me off," I grumbled.

"Doesn't matter what I do to you. You're still going to love me. The legends…"

"I do not give a flying ape shit in Africa what the legends say," I said. "_I_ control my destiny."

When I was recovering, Sam had taken the initiative to bother the hell out of me. I was really surprised when Sam explained the legends to me. I hadn't really paid much attention to him. I spent most of the time he was telling me about the old tribal stories picturing him being eaten alive by giant, angry ants. But I'd gotten the gist of it. Basically, there was an old legend that if one werewolf found his soul mate in another, nothing could break their bond because the two inhabited the same soul. After a while, I'd just told Sam to get out before I had Emmett rip him to pieces. Part of me was disappointed when he left, because I was really looking forward to seeing Emmett and Jacob tag team him and kick his ass.

Jacob wouldn't admit it, but I think he considered Emmett his friend. Any time I teased him about it, he got all grumpy and frowny…which only made me tease him more.

"So, Mrs. I-control-my-own-destiny…what does the future hold for us?" he questioned.

"Who am I? Alice Cullen?" I laughed sarcastically.

"No, you'd have to knock four or five feet off of you to be Alice." Jacob made fun of Shorty's height. "She's_—_what_—_two, maybe three feet tall?"

"You need a lesson in measurement." I shook my head. "Speaking of which_—_you planning on re-enrolling in school anytime soon?"

"That's what my dad just got done lecturing me about. Turns out, his patience is wearing thin with my constant truancy. Guess he does care about my education after all. But I don't know if I really want to go back," Jacob frowned. "I'm thinking about just getting a job at a local store or something."

I shook my head. "Your ass is going back to school. No future husband of mine is going to sit his lazy, high school drop-out ass on the couch all day eating Doritos and watching sports while I support you."

"What did you just say?" Jacob stopped and smiled at me.

"What do you mean?" What had I just said? I'd just gotten lost in "rant" mode. And when that happened, I usually just…said stuff.

"Did you just use the term 'husband?'"

Crap. I had. My god damn subconscious…

Before I could respond, Jacob's body was against mine, his lips brushing mine gently at first, and then with more force.

When he pulled away, I grinned at him, "Ugh, vampire breath…" I reminded him that he'd slobbered all over Bella today. "You need to brush your teeth, Jake."

"How dare you," he said with a mock frown. He leaned backwards and fell on to the sand, taking me toppling with him.

"Oh, great. Now I'm going to have sand in my ass," I grumbled.

Jacob ignored my hostility as he lifted his head up and kissed me again. His hands quickly found my face and I brought mine to his. As our shared breath passed from my mouth back to his, I felt the same warmth that I'd experienced the day I'd chosen to be with him.

Every cell in my body was on fire as he touched me in ways that I thought I would never be touched again. We really were two souls encompassed as one.

I ran my hand through his hair and then pulled back to catch my breath. Jacob's eyes were closed and he had a blissful smile on his face. When he opened his eyes again, he softly ran his hand under my shirt and over my chest.

"I love that sound." Jacob let his hand rest against my chest.

"What? The sound of my breasts being squished together?" I chuckled.

He laughed, but then his face got serious. "Your heart."

Well, damn…that was just…really freaking romantic.

"You girl," I laughed softly. "Hey, Jake…" I grinned at him. I had his attention. "You complete me." I wasn't able to say it with a straight face. I busted into laughter.

"You're going to say it to me one day," Jacob said.

"You're going to have to earn it," I shrugged.

"God, you mean I haven't already? What does a guy have to do besides save your life a dozen times?"

I just smiled at him and gave him another gentle peck on his lips.

He grinned back at me. "You _love_ me."

"Shut up and kiss me," I ordered.

Jacob shook his head and gave me a slight wink.

"Relationships are about give and take. You give me what I want, and I'll give you what you want."

I knew how much he wanted me to tell him that I loved him. He'd been insanely patient with me. And he understood my hesitation to say the word "love" to another human being. Because it was an emotion that hurt me very deeply in my life. So, I was just getting to the point where I was starting to feel comfortable with it again. Because of him.

I rolled away from him and on to the sand. His hand dropped to the small of my back and he rolled me back towards him. I looked in his curious eyes. I knew he was waiting for me to say it. I was about to tell him that I was sorry, but he stopped me.

"It's okay. I understand." He ran his free hand through my hair. His fingers stroked my cheek.

As I looked over at him, I could no longer ignore the love that he had for me. A love that I did return. He'd told me several times how much I meant to him, but I just wasn't into this whole touchy-feely crap. I could feel my heart racing in my chest as my emotions formed the words that I couldn't say.

_Just freaking say it!_ I screamed at myself.

"Jake, I love you," I blurted out.

He gave me a surprised look, but then a smile broke across his face.

"I knew it," he grinned. "And you aren't even dying this time."

_Well, you might as well go for broke._ I told myself.

"I'm pretty sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"That is without a doubt the sweetest thing you've ever said to me." Jacob kissed my forehead.

"Call me sweet again, and I will deck you." I propped myself up on my elbows. The sand was warm, but not nearly as warm as Jacob's hands against my body.

"Can I ask you for a favor?" Jacob asked quietly. "Would you say it again?"

"Oh, come on!" I complained. "You whine more about love than a bumbling thirteen-year-old chick." He stuck his bottom lip out and I heaved out a sigh. "Fine, Jake. I love you," I said again. "You happy?"

Jacob didn't care that I was teasing him. I got the distinct feeling that it's what he _wanted_. And I was ready to put his needs before my own. He wanted me to love him, and I was going to. I was going to release my emotions from the cage that I'd kept them in since Sam left me. I was going to give this whole "life" thing another shot. I, Leah Clearwater, was undeniably, idiotically, and madly in love.

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**Thank you guys again so much for your input. A huge majority of you wanted Leah to get her happy ending. And I must say that I'm glad…because I'm not sure that I could have posted the other ending I wrote without feeling like crap. It will still be posted as an outtake.**

**I think in the end, I probably would have gone with this ending anyway. Because I am a sucker for happy endings.  
**


	45. Outtake 1

**Outtake: Alternate Ending. **

**Originally, I wasn't sure how I was going to end "Leah's Sunrise." When I got to Chapter 42 (after Leah wakes up and chooses Jacob), I had written 2 different ways for the next chapter to go. I decided to go with the cheerier one. And looking back, I'm so very glad that I didn't go with this. I have a feeling a lot of you would have been royally pissed at me if I had. Hell, I would have been pissed at myself. I just can't go with a bittersweet ending. I just can't. I much prefer the other ending! This one is nothing more than creativity that I challenged myself with. I wasn't sure I could even write it.**

**To be honest, I was almost afraid to post this, even as an outtake, because I don't want you guys to associate **_**this**_** as the ending…when in fact that last chapter is how I envisioned it to go.**

**And I apologize in advance to anyone I make cry with my sad, emo writing.**

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* * *

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**Outtake 1: Alternate Ending**

**Flash Forward: 6 years  
**

**Jacob's point of view:**

As I trotted through these familiar woods, I took the time to appreciate the tranquility of my thoughts. Embry and Seth were both off at school. I was proud of them for actually getting out of La Push. From time to time, one of them would phase just to say "hi."

Neither one of them had imprinted yet. I was having my doubts that they ever would…because each one actually had a mind of his own. Plus, the imprinting thing _didn't_ happen to all wolves. Sam had spent almost two years digging up past legends before he came back into active duty as a wolf. The rest of us wished he would have stayed gone, because he spent the next four years boring us all to death about our tribal legends. I took comfort in the fact that I could shut him up with my command any time that I wanted.

And so could Leah. With her being my second, she would oftentimes order Sam to shut his mouth. And though the command wasn't as strong when it was coming from her, Sam still had to listen to it. It was a beautiful thing.

Sam didn't really phase much anymore. And with Seth, Embry, and Collin gone, the pack was really spread thin nowadays. But it wasn't a big deal, because we rarely came into contact with any vampires that didn't have the last name "Cullen."

In all actuality, I was pleased that Paul didn't phase much anymore. Even if that did mean he was off somewhere having sex with my sister. They were married now. I had been _so_ drunk at their wedding. I remember when I got the call from Rachel that Paul had asked her to marry him. She apparently wanted me to be his best man. I had no idea why. She knew how much I hated the miserable dickhead.

"You'll at least come, won't you, Jacob?" she'd pleaded.

"Ring a freaking ding-ding. I'll be there," I'd grumbled. No one should be forced to go to their sister's wedding. It's torture.

And it didn't help that I'd had to go to Jared and Kim's wedding just three weeks after Paul said "I do" to my sister. The more weddings we went to, the more I was convinced that Leah never wanted to get married. But that was fine with me, because she admitted to me all the time that she wanted to be with me. We didn't need a piece of paper to tell us that we were meant to be together.

Everyone moved along with their lives, including me and Leah. I'd worked very hard at getting her to let me in. I'd won in the end. The moment she admitted that she loved me, I knew that she was going to be putty in my hands. I'd once made the mistake of telling her that.

She'd punched me in the chest, "I will _not_ turn into a mindless blob of goo for you to squish between your fingers!"

"Well, I've got to squish _something_ between my fingers." I grinned suggestively at her as my hands shifted below her waist.

"You are a pig, Jacob Black." She'd shaken her head. "A horny pig."

I'd quickly shut her up by crushing her body against mine and darting my tongue into her mouth. But even after our heated passion was over, she rolled to the side cussing at me for distracting her.

She always looked so beautiful afterwards. Her skin glistened and her eyes were crystal clear. But when I told her that, she called me a wussy and asked me if I was going to cry like a woman.

Leah Clearwater was persistent as ever. Even after the pack slimmed down, she still didn't let go of her tough exterior. Even when it was just us. I had her convinced at one point to talk to me about her feelings. She was just getting ready to open her mouth when Brady phased to take over running for me. And I couldn't yell at the kid, because he was following my orders.

Brady was at a local college, so he had more time to run as a wolf than some of the other guys. And normally, I had Quil take over, but now that Claire was a little older, he had his hands full. Ten-year-old girls are a lot of work. She was already fighting with her mother to let her use make-up. Girls grew up way too fast.

I paused to think. Today was Claire's birthday. And knowing that, I was surprised when Quil's thoughts entered my head. I slowed my pace a bit as I was subjected to Quil's loving thoughts about his angel…who he also agreed was growing up way too fast.

_Hey, what are you doing running?_ I questioned.

_It's quicker to run to Emily's than drive._ Quil shrugged. _I've been put in charge of Claire's party. Apparently, the theme is cheerleading._

_Aw, are you going to don a spandex outfit and toss a baton in the air?_ I laughed.

_Claire made me my very own special glittery pom-poms,_ he said proudly.

_Patsy._

_Going to Edward and Bella's place?_ Quil questioned. I was almost to Bella's happy, little cabin in the woods. I spent quite a bit of time with my vampire cohorts.

_Yep. But it should be an okay visit. The mindreader is off with Nessie. They're apparently looking at colleges._

_Speaking of kids who grow up too fast…_ Quil shook his head. _It's hard to believe that she'll be heading off to college next spring. _

_Quil, the kid was doing physics experiments when she was one._

_I remember when she turned Rosalie's hair green._

I remembered that, too…and it still made me laugh hysterically when I pictured it. Rosalie's hair had been green for almost a week before it naturally started to fade away. It was hilarious to see Little Mrs. Vain walking around with lime colored locks. Emmett put a terrifying picture in my head when he told me that because of her green hair, Rosalie looked like an alien when they had sex.

Leah had quickly chimed in, "Man, what an unlucky alien. You're such a loser that you can't even get someone from this planet to sleep with you?"

I thought of all of the times that my crazy girl made me laugh, and I wished that she was with me right now. But Leah and I hadn't been speaking lately. I always had a tendency to get angry over the stupidest things. I'm sure she thought I was just being childish.

_You guys are welcome to come by and eat cake._ Quil was almost to Emily's place, where Claire's party was being held. I laughed when I thought about Emily trying to keep track of a bunch of little ten-year-old girls. She was going to go insane.

Quil phased out, and I was alone again. My thoughts about Leah intensified. The two of us had gone through so much crap together. I sighed when I thought about the reason that I was upset with her. But I couldn't be angry at her when the only thing that I could think about was the time she'd let me know how much she truly loved me. Leah didn't do the sappy crap. So, six years ago, when she told me that my love was the thing that made her feel alive, I'd nearly wept like a little girl. I would never forget what she said to me that day.

_"When you kiss me, Jake, my heart starts beating."_ And the sound of her heart beating was my favorite sound in the world.

Now, our lives had shifted into the crazy mess that we were in today. It was a little over three years ago that Leah and I found out just how strong our ties really were. It was when the fates decided to be kind to us.

I thought about that kindness as I walked towards Bella's house. Right outside, I saw the most important person in my life climbing to the top of a hill. She noticed me and could see that I was getting ready to be an overprotective butthole. I watched as she climbed as high as she could go, and then she grinned at me. I shook my head.

_Don't you freaking dare_.

But her decision was already made. She hopped off of the hill and tumbled into the river. She nearly gave me a heart attack. I phased back to make sure she was okay.

"You little brat," I mumbled. By the time I reached the shore, I realized that she wasn't in any danger.

Bella was by the river, documenting the whole thing on film.

"Nice trick." I frowned at Bella.

"It was her idea," Bella admitted.

I heard a giggle from behind me and turned around to see the devilish glint in her eyes.

"I wanted to swim, daddy."

Even though Leah only had _one_ ovary and she was a werewolf, we had somehow managed to have our beautiful baby girl together. I watched as she concentrated on trying to pull the little floaty things off of her arms.

"Let me help you, sweetie," I leaned down to help her.

"No," she squealed and shoved me away. "I can do it all by myself!"

Just like her mother.

Bella said what I was thinking, "God, she's _just_ like Leah…"

"You're telling me," I chuckled. I glanced at her. "How long have you been letting my kid play naked in the river?"

"She's not naked." Bella rolled her eyes. "That's Nessie's old suit. She grew out of it in a day."

"Thanks for watching her, Bells. You're a lifesaver," I smiled.

Leah would kill me if she knew that a vampire was babysitting our daughter. It still felt odd that I could say that. _Our daughter_. It had come as shock to both Leah and I. She didn't think she could even have children, especially considering she only had one ovary.

I remember when I'd first noticed the changes. They were subtle changes in her behavior and body. She slept a lot and looked very worn down.

"Why are you tired all of the time?"

"Because I work full time, I'm in college, and you're constantly begging me for sex." She'd rolled over and glared at me.

I knew that she was going to hate me for what I said next.

"We're going to see Carlisle."

"I hate you." She shook her head with a fake smile. Yes, I'd gotten very accustomed to knowing what Leah was thinking.

I kissed her and grinned. "I know you do."

That night, I noticed her temperature was running warmer than normal and she admitted that she was sick to her stomach. But that didn't worry me as much as the fact that her heart rate was off again. The next morning, we were at the mansion, bright and early.

Carlisle took one look at Leah and knew exactly what was wrong with her. And in fact, there _wasn't_ anything wrong with her. He did some tests to be certain, but a few hours later, he came into the living room with a grin on his face.

"Congratulations."

"Why? Am I dying again?" Leah had questioned.

"Why would I congratulate you for dying?" Carlisle was confused.

"What's going on?" I'd asked.

"It seems as though the two of you are going to be parents." Carlisle nodded happily. That explained why her heart-rate was different, because she had more than one beating heart in her body.

I'm not sure how long the room stayed silent, but I know that Leah and I were thinking the exact same thing. _How in the hell…_

It had been the annoying voice in the house who'd broken the silence.

"You're pregnant, Fido?" Emmett had laughed as he looked at Leah. "Wow…who's the father?" He let out another laugh and then winked at her.

"Shut up, Emmett." Leah rolled her eyes.

About a week after Carlisle had given us the news, Leah started talking about finding a baby doctor. She'd scoffed when I shrugged my shoulders and told her that Carlisle was probably going to be the best doctor that she could find.

She had…overreacted...to my suggestion. "You want me to let a _vampire_ stick his fingers in my netherregends? Are you out of your freaking mind?!"

"He's been in _every_ other region of your body. He opened you up for God's sake." I reminded her.

"I'm going to ask you again…you want me to let a leech finger me?" she'd growled.

"Carlisle isn't going to do anything that you're uncomfortable with," I'd assured her.

She'd bitched at me, but she knew that I was right. That was another battle that I had won with her. I chalked it up to the fact that she was probably still in shock about the fact that she was going to be a mother after all.

After we got over the initial shock that we were going to be parents, both of us had warmed up to the idea. And I found out that Leah's favorite part about being pregnant was that she didn't have to phase for her entire pregnancy. Doctor's orders.

"I can just sit on my ass and do whatever I want. I get to see what you enjoy about this 'couch potato' thing so much." She'd teased me.

But she didn't spend any time on the couch at all. She continued to spend her time and effort working and going to school. I'd thought that it would start taking its toll on her, but she pushed through, like she always did. Leah was actually surprisingly good her entire pregnancy. She didn't bitch nearly as much as I thought that she would. And the kid actually put her in a good mood.

She even managed to get through telling her mom and my dad without acting like a complete lunatic. Although, she had been her sarcastic self when my dad got a confused look on his face.

"You're pregnant? With…a baby?"

"No. With a litter of kittens." She rolled her eyes.

Sue had taken the news surprisingly well. Better than my dad. Women always handled those things better than men. But my dad quickly warmed up to the idea when he saw how excited that we were.

Everyone in the pack placed bets on what the sex was going to be. There was never a doubt in Leah's mind that we were having a baby girl.

"What makes you so sure?" I'd questioned.

"Because she doesn't whine and complain about everything." Leah smirked at me.

Not long after that, Carlisle confirmed that Leah was right, and we immediately started talking about names. We hadn't had to wait very long for the perfect one to come up. My dad was the one who'd named her. One day, I was in the garage working on a car, visiting with my father. Eric Clapton was playing on the radio.

Leah had come out to see what we were up to. She leaned next to where the radio was playing. I noticed something change in her eyes as she put her hand on her stomach.

"Everything okay?" I'd asked warily.

"Great. The kid has inherited her father's awful dancing skills," Leah had laughed. The baby was apparently dancing around to Clapton's "Layla."

"She likes good music," Dad nodded. "Guess she got her music sense from her old Grandpa here."

That was the day that he'd suggested the name "Layla" for her. The name just seemed to stick. Even Leah couldn't find a reason to complain about it. The best she could come up with was, "It sounds like a dog's name…"

"Then it's perfect for our little pup."

"You're not funny, Jake."

And she certainly wasn't laughing the day that she went into labor with Layla. In fact, she screamed at me and called me a son of a bitch for knocking her up. Of course, I knew that she didn't mean it. I'd held her hand while she pushed…and she broke two of my fingers as she squeezed it tightly.

"Oh, God! Why the hell do women want to do _this_? Are we really _that_ fucking crazy!?" She'd huffed through the labor. "Geeze, the vampire venom hurt less than this! Ah! Just fucking slice me open again and get her OUT!"

"You're doing great, Leah," Carlisle assured her.

"Oh, great. A doctor who cheers on the side," she snarled. "Someone please kill me."

But her bitching had finally stopped after Layla came out. She was perfect. Hearing my baby's cries for the first time almost elicited tears of my own. Leah had noticed my tears and immediately teased me.

"I'm the one who just pushed something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a grape…and _you're_ the one crying?" She pulled my hand to her mouth and kissed my knuckles in a rare show of affection.

"She's perfectly healthy." Carlisle handed Leah our daughter. I saw mother and daughter lock eyes and could feel the connection instantly. It didn't matter how tough Leah thought she was…when it came to our baby, she was going to be a big softie. I knew it.

But it was hard not to fall into her big brown eyes. She looked exactly like her mom.

I put my hand against Layla delicately. "She looks like you." I smiled at Leah.

"It's a good thing, too. Like she needs to go through her life with _your_ ears?" Leah teased me.

Leah cradled our daughter and let out the most content sigh I'd ever heard from her.

Emmett, being the giant moment-killer that he'd always been, came in holding a bunch of pink crap.

"Pink booties for mom and baby to match." Emmett grinned as he held out the booties.

"Put those on my child and I will personally rip your arm off," Leah had grumbled.

"I'll just wait until you're asleep then," Emmett shrugged. He glanced at my little girl and then winked at her. Layla was looking back at him inquisitively. "Uncle Emmett will teach you how to annoy your parents when you get older," he smiled at Layla.

"You are never allowed to babysit. Ever." Leah shook her head.

I'd chased Emmett out of the room after that. It seemed to upset Layla. I couldn't believe that my kid was _already_ attached to the big moron that everyone seemed to find comical.

She got fussy after a while.

Leah glanced at me. "I think she wants you."

Me? Why in the hell would the kid want me? It was still a little odd. I was trying to wrap my head around it. I was a dad. And when Leah handed me our baby, I felt it. Holding her in my arms, I didn't care about anything else. I had Leah, and now I had Layla.

Leah yawned, exhausted from the day's events. "Why don't you take her out for a little fresh air? I'm sure the vampire smell is making her cranky."

"You are incredible, Leah." I leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"Yeah, yeah," she said. "Now get out before you start getting all mushy…"

I looked at Layla. "Say 'I love you, mommy.'" I leaned Layla in towards Leah. Leah kissed her and then leaned forward and kissed me.

As I was leaving the room, Leah stopped me.

"Jake? Sorry about your fingers."

"It's okay." They were already healed anyway. "You can break my bones anytime," I offered.

"I love you, Jacob Black." She laughed as I took Layla to get some air that didn't reek of the leeches.

I was instantly fascinated by fatherhood. I hadn't even known this little thing for more than ten minutes, and yet…I couldn't imagine my life without her. She stayed still in my arms as I walked around the Cullen's property, cooing like some kind of moron.

Emmett gave me hell for it the minute I came back into the living room.

"It'll be nice for you to have someone who thinks that your stupid faces are actually funny."

But even Emmett's taunts couldn't bother me. I didn't think it was possible to love anyone as much as I loved Leah. And it's a damn good thing that that love was there. Because I wouldn't have been able to survive what happened next without my child.

When Carlisle came in as I was holding my little baby girl in my arms, I could tell right away that something was wrong. I could feel it. I'd just been so preoccupied with my daughter that it hadn't fully hit me yet. Layla stirred uncomfortably in my arms and started to cry. She knew something was wrong, too. My body didn't feel right.

"Jacob…" All of the joy had disappeared from Carlisle's face. I remembered that look quite well. It's the same look that he had given me when Leah had nearly died from the vampire venom. "When Edward heard her thoughts disappear…"

Darkness took over my body and I could feel my eyes starting to burn.

"By the time we realized it, it was too late," Carlisle said softly. "I believe that there was a defect in her heart." He paused and looked at the floor. "It's genetic." Leah had unfortunately inherited her father's bad heart.

I could feel my muscles tensing up. I stretched Layla out to the nearest person.

"Take the baby," I said calmly. I couldn't believe that I was handing my daughter over to _Emmett_, of all people.

He looked confused as well. "You sure, man?"

"Take the baby!" I said with a growl in my throat this time. Emmett still looked confused. He couldn't see what was going on in my head.

Edward could.

The one time I had ever been thankful for his gift. He had my daughter out of my arms two seconds later.

My feelings burst through the surface and my fur exploded from beneath me. I stood on top of the pile of my shredded clothes for a moment before I felt my legs cower from underneath me. And I turned into a ball of whimpering fur on the leech's living room floor.

I trembled like a helpless moron. All the vampires could do was watch in sympathy.

"Jacob…" It was Bella who'd been the first to try and calm me down. I huffed out a sigh and then stood up. "I am so sorry." She glanced at Edward, who was still holding Layla. "I know you're hurting, but...your daughter needs you."

I knew she was right. It's amazing that something so simple had calmed me so tremendously. All I had to do was look in my baby girl's bright eyes and I knew that I couldn't let Leah down. So, I'd phased back, squeezed into some of Emmett's pants, and took my daughter from the vampire I had once hated so much. I still hated him, but I greatly appreciated his help that day. I would never be able to repay him for it.

Thanks to him, Layla hadn't been in my arms when I lost control of myself. And thanks to him, I was watching my three-year-old run around, stripping out of Nessie's old bathing suit.

"Looks like she's going to run around half-naked all of the time, too." Bella laughed at Layla.

"Hey, put that suit back on, young lady!" I exclaimed.

She turned around and stuck her tongue out at me.

"I hope she wasn't too much trouble." I looked at Bella.

"No. She provided me with some entertainment. She reminds me a lot of you. You always knew how to command attention," Bella laughed. "Plus, I've been really bored with Renesmee and Edward away."

"I can't believe your kid is all grown up," I smiled. "Do _not_ eat that!" I exclaimed to Layla as she put something up to her mouth curiously. She shrugged at me and threw whatever it was down. I should have known that any kid of mine and Leah's was going to be a troublemaker.

"Edward is obsessed with getting our daughter into the right college. Renesmee said that she was worried that her top choices wouldn't accept her."

I'm sure that any college in the world would be happy to have the freaky, little genius. I scoffed at Bella's statement.

"What's she got to be worried about? Isn't her GPA like 6.8?"

Bella smiled proudly. "She's got her father's smarts."

"Urh…uh…yeah," I grumbled uncomfortably.

Layla ran up to me and grabbed my legs. She let out a laugh.

"Daddy, I'm ready to go."

This little one was the Alpha in my house. I picked her up and smiled at Bella.

"Thanks again for watching her. With Sue and Charlie out of town, and my dad gone fishing for the weekend, I didn't have anywhere else to turn."

"I'm your last resort as a babysitter." Bella nodded unsurely. "That's good to know."

"No. You aren't the last resort," I paused. "Emmett is." I would practically have to be up shit creek without a paddle in order for me to allow him to watch my daughter. He'd already taught her a bunch of annoying habits that I needed to kill him for.

"Daaad…" Layla grabbed my face impatiently.

"Sorry, Bells. The princess has spoken. I've got to get going," I said with a wink.

We waved goodbye to Bella and headed home. All the way, Layla chattered happily about her day. She talked about swimming in the river, and she mentioned something about Emmett coming over and playing cards with her. At first, I assumed they'd played "Go Fish" or "Old Maid." But when Layla told me that Emmett taught her to always double down on eleven, I about tripped over my feet. I was going to crush Emmett for teaching my three-year-old how to gamble.

By the time we got home, I figured that she would be tired from her busy day, but she was as wound up as ever. I put her down and watched her run around the house with a bunch of energy.

"Geeze Bells, did you pump her full of pixie sticks and caffeine?" I mumbled to myself.

Fortunately, her sugar high…or whatever it was that was causing her to bounce off the walls...didn't last for very long. She crashed on the couch an hour later.

As I was carrying her to her room, she put her tiny arms around my neck and nuzzled against me. I kissed her forehead and gently laid her down in her bed. I glanced at her as she slept. She looked exactly like Leah. Right down to the little facial expressions she made in her sleep. Leah had always been entertaining when she slept. There was only one time that her face stayed perfectly still. It was the day that her heart stopped beating for good.

I remembered going into the room with Layla in my arms. Carlisle asked me if I was certain that I wanted to see her. But, how could I not? He'd graciously bowed out of the room and left me alone with my grief.

I wanted more than anything for the silence to end. I wanted Leah to say something. I wanted to hear her heart...her voice...

Knowing that I'd never hear either again pierced every part of my body. Stabbing pain worse than anything that I'd ever experienced engulfed me. When I started to tremble, I looked down at my daughter..._our_ daughter...and was able to stop my body from shaking almost immediately.

I stood still for a moment, just looking at Leah. I wanted her to wake up. To tease me. To tell me that she loved me. I sighed. The last thing that she'd said to me was the very same thing I'd spent so much effort to get her to say to me when we were first entering into our relationship. She had a hard time saying it, so it made it that much more meaningful when she _did_ utter that she loved me.

For the first fifteen minutes, I didn't know what to say, so I just laid Layla down on her mother's chest and buried my head in between my daughter's warm skin and Leah's cool body. After I'd kissed every inch of Leah's body, I let out a frustrated cry.

"I am so pissed at you." I shook my head. I leaned forward and pushed my forehead against hers. My tears fell against her face. I couldn't believe that she had me freaking _crying_ again.

I shivered when I pressed my lips against hers. This was the first time I'd ever kissed her and gotten nothing in response. It was shattering.

I heard Layla whimpering, and my attention immediately shifted to her. I gently picked her up with one arm while I left my free hand on Leah's face.

"Layla, we have to say goodbye to your mom." I held my newborn tightly. I looked at Leah and made a promise to her. "She will know you, I swear, Leah. Every day she will know how much her mother loved her. She's going to know love from the tips of her fingers all the way to the tips of her toes. I promise," I was blubbering, but of course, I didn't have any tears left in my body. Leah was right. Crying just made you dehydrated and puffy. "I love you," I whispered. "You were my soul-mate, Lee. You will be with me forever. No matter what. Thank you for the past three years." I wouldn't have traded them for anything. Leah meant everything to me. And the short lifetime that we'd had together meant more than anything in my life.

I sighed and I looked at my daughter sleeping comfortably in her "big girl" bed. I hadn't talked to Leah in a while because I was still so angry at her for leaving us. But watching my daughter sigh softly in her dreams, I didn't have the strength to be mad at Leah anymore.

"Thank you for her, Leah." I couldn't have imagined getting through the past three years of my life without her.

I kissed Layla and then disappeared into the living room. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. I'd gotten myself all emotionally girly. So, I turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels. But I got bored when I couldn't find anything, so I shut the TV off and just stared at a picture of Leah that was on the table.

I leaned forward with a frown. "You know, I'm _still_ really pissed at you," I admitted. I knew I couldn't stay mad at her forever. She knew that, too. I leaned back and closed my eyes. "You have no idea how much I miss you, Lee. If it weren't for Layla…" I shook my head and then let out another sigh. Thinking about Leah always made me tear up. I fought back the tears for as long as I could.

I heard a quiet noise in front of me and I felt a pair of warm hands on my face. For a moment, I could feel Leah here with me. When I opened my eyes, I'd found that Layla had crawled on the couch next to me.

She had her lips pursed at me with a curious look in her eyes.

"Daddy…you're not allowed to cry. Boys don't cry." She shook her head furiously.

I laughed. My three-year-old daughter had just cleverly called me a girl. She was so much like Leah.

"What are you doing out of bed?" I questioned.

"I had a dream about mommy," she said, matter-of-factly.

"You did?" I felt my heart warm just a bit.

Layla nodded and cuddled against me. "I love you, daddy." She yawned and closed her eyes. A few minutes later, she was asleep again. When I went to move her back to her bed, she whimpered and pushed her way out of my arms. She wanted to stay on the couch.

I laughed and looked up. If Leah was watching, she was probably laughing her ass off at me. I was totally owned by a three-year-old.

"She's just like you, you know. I'm so screwed," I chuckled. I watched Layla dream for a few minutes before I found myself drifting off as well.

Even though I knew that I was dreaming, the moment I had Leah in my arms, I felt whole again. She didn't say anything as I brushed her hair out of her face.

"I am so mad at you," I whispered.

"I know." She put her hand on my face.

"You gave up," I growled in frustration.

"You know that's not true. I couldn't fight it because I never saw it coming. You can't prevent what you can't predict." She reminded me.

"It sucks that the only time I get to see you is when I'm asleep," I frowned.

"Are you a blind idiot? You _just_ said that Layla was like me. Jacob, you may not have me, but you have her."

I hugged her tightly. "We didn't have enough time together," I sighed.

"We had a lifetime, Jake," she said softly.

"Why'd you leave me, Lee?" I asked, aggravated.

"I never did." She paused. "And I never will."

Off in the distance, I could hear our daughter's laughter. I looked at our surroundings. Leah and I watched as Layla played along the beaches of La Push. I took Leah's hand. I knew that she was right. She would always be with me. We were joined at the heart.

Leah obviously knew what I was thinking. She shook her head.

"You are such a cornball, Jacob." She laughed.

I smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"Tell me," I said.

"Ah, do I have to?" she asked. I glared at her and she let out a sigh. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Great. Now shut up and kiss me."

My girl was bossy. And I wouldn't have her any other way. I closed my eyes and brought Leah's lips to mine for a long embrace. And when we kissed, the entire world fell away. All of the noises in my head disappeared and all I could hear was the sound of her beating heart. And for the moment, I just kept my eyes closed and kept dreaming.


	46. Outtake 2

_**Simply stated, for those of you who wondered where Emmett's fear of spiders originated from.**_

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**Outtake 2:**

**"Fun in Biology"**

_This is torture. Pure and utter torture. I am in hell._ I looked over at my brother. The worst thing about high school was having to relive it over and over again. No, check that_—_the worst thing about high school was the fact that even though I was the most kickass football player _ever_, I couldn't join the damn team because I would hurt the puny humans that filled this school.

"Come on, Em…it's not that bad." Edward rolled his eyes at me. My brother_—_the tortured, lonely soul was telling me to be cheerily optimistic? I must have lost my mind. _Edward_ was comforting me? Man, I was pathetic. "High school kids are…entertaining," Edward nodded.

Of course he would think that. He could get inside everyone's heads. But the rest of us were subjected to the same old regular, boring high school drama that I had grown so sick of over the years. It was always the same melodramatic crisis, _"He broke up with me! WAH!!!"_ And then two weeks later, _"We're back together again! We're going to be together forever!"_ And yet another two weeks later, _"I hate him. I never want to see him again!"_ It was all becoming painfully repetitive.

Hell, even Alice was getting tired of this place. Her visions were starting to bore her. She spent most of her time watching Jasper, making sure that he didn't slip up and lose control of his thirst.

Mr. Poole, our Biology teacher asked me a question. He knew I wasn't paying attention, yet I still knew the answer. I'd been through Biology several times before. The answers never changed. Again, _boring_!!

Mr. Poole gave me a serious death glare after I answered correctly.

_Aww, don't I get a cookie or something for being right?_ I grinned smugly at the bastard.

Mr. Poole huffed out a "that's correct" and then went back his lesson, but he continued to glare at me like he wanted me to spontaneously combust.

_What the hell is his problem?_ I looked over at Edward.

Edward decided to be a dick and not let me in on Mr. Poole's thoughts. He just shrugged and looked down at the biology book we were sharing. I'd once had my own book, but I wanted to see if I could karate chop it in half. Turns out, not only did I split the book, I also pulverized the pages. The confetti of biology terms scattered everywhere. Esme yelled at me for making a mess in the living room.

"…And next week, we will be getting into dissection…" Mr. Poole said.

I heard a couple of groans from the girls and some hushed "cools" from the guys. Most students looked forward to dissection week in biology, because it meant less book work, and we would actually be doing something interesting for once. It would be fun for me because I could stab Edward with the scalpel blade over and over just to annoy him. Esme usually got mad at me when I did that with the knives we had at home because I broke a few of them. I didn't understand why we had silverware. It's not like we ever used it. I couldn't picture my family sitting around a dead deer, having dinner, and eating the flesh with a fork while sucking blood from its neck with a straw.

Edward grimaced at my thoughts and then gave me an odd look. It was so much fun to mess with my brother. He'd once told me that he enjoyed my thoughts because I pretty much vocalized everything that I was thinking. I didn't exactly have what you would call a "filter" in my head.

Edward stiffened up as Mr. Poole talked about what the plans were for next week. As always, I ignored him and thought about what teams I wanted to watch play this weekend.

"If anyone has a problem with the coming science experiment, please see me after class," Mr. Poole nodded.

"Wonder if we're going to be cutting apart earthworms or frogs," I muttered quietly.

Mr. Poole went on to explain that we were going to be cutting on Kermit's relatives. I could see Edward's face pull into a frown. He was _always_ worrying about something.

Rosalie, who had been quiet for most of the period, finally spoke up from behind us.

"Biology is so gross," my woman complained. The thought of slicing into dead animals disturbed Rosalie. I found it hugely hilarious…especially since we _ate_ most animals. Over the years, all of us had mastered our control for human blood. That's not to say that we didn't slip up once in a while. Poor Jasper was in constant agony, and not just because he could feel the emotions of others around him.

It had to suck to intake all of the emotions from the teenagers in high school. Their world was constantly coming to an end. I'd never met so many tortured souls in my life_—_and I'd lived with Edward for over three decades. Before I started constantly repeating high school, I thought Edward was the most angst-filled person out there. But according to Jasper, the readings he got off of the kids in our high school were much more depressing than my tormented brother. Go figure.

Jasper was newer at the vegetarian thing than the rest of us. It was hard for him to be around so many people with flowing blood. But he had Alice to keep him sane, and me and Edward to knock his ass to the ground if he tried anything. Wrestling with Jasper was cool…because he actually gave me some fair competition. Rose wouldn't put up with my childish games. She was too afraid of smearing her make-up. Alice wasn't any fun to fight_—_because the little freak cheated with her visions. She was _always_ a step ahead of me. And Edward could read my mind, so it totally wasn't a fair fight with him either.

I saw Edward looking at me with a sly grin. "You just can't stand the fact that I can take you," he said quietly.

_The only reason you beat me is because you're a freak, brother._ I shook my head silently. Without warning, I shot my fist towards Edward's shoulder. It was faster than any of the humans could see. When my fist made contact with Edward, I heard him grumbling to himself. It made a very audible crack, but no one could tell that it came from the two of us. Edward glared at me.

"That is _not_ laying low, Emmett," he snarled through his teeth.

_Ha! Didn't see that one coming…didja?_ I grinned smugly. I couldn't contain my chuckles.

"…Emmett, would you like to share something with the class?" Mr. Poole questioned, interrupting my laughter. I was about to open my mouth to reply with something that would get me in trouble, but Edward elbowed me below the table and shook his head angrily. I rolled my eyes and then looked at Mr. Poole, shaking my head silently. I mentally stuck my tongue out at Edward.

The smug look on Edward's face just radiated, _"That's it. Be a good boy..."_

"Please try to keep your thoughts to yourself, Mr. Cullen," Mr. Poole frowned at me.

_That might be a problem with my mind-invading brother sitting right next to me._ I glanced at Edward.

Now Edward's face was conveying, _"Em, I'm warning you..."_ He was probably telling me to shut up in about eight different languages.

"Sorry," I glared at Mr. Poole. I had a feeling old teach knew _exactly_ what I was thinking. _You. Suck. Balls._ I managed to make Edward chuckle with that one.

When the bell rang, Mr. Poole made it a point to grumble my name out loud for the entire class to hear.

"Emmett, may I speak with you, please?"

I looked at Edward automatically. _What's going on in his head?_

"You're in trouble," was all Edward said as he sauntered out of the classroom.

_Thanks. That was a real help, dude._ I shook my head. When was I _not_ in trouble? I couldn't turn around without being yelled at by someone. This morning, Rosalie had a shit-fit because I'd ignored her to watch the game last night.

Rosalie was apparently still pissed at me. I saw her furrow her brow as she followed Edward out of the room. She'd be over it by this afternoon. I loved that crazy woman with all of my nonbeating heart.

"Mr. Cullen…" Mr. Poole glared at me.

I grunted under my breath. I didn't like Mr. Poole. And for some insane reason, he didn't like me either. I'm not sure why. It's not like on my first day in class, I'd corrected him in his lessons several times…

"Mr. Poole," I responded with his name coldly.

"Am I boring you, Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Poole questioned.

_Every day._ I nodded silently in thought. "What are you talking about?"

"It seems to me that you've taken the initiative to disrupt my class on a daily basis," he said.

"Oh." _Because it's BORING_!!!

"Don't get me wrong, I am very impressed with your grades. You and your family have the highest scores in the class. You always do your work, and you excel on your tests and quizzes…"

"Then what's the problem?" I shrugged.

"The problem is that there are other students in this classroom who are trying to learn. And they can't do that properly while you are being disruptive." He thought about something and then nodded. "Perhaps I should find you a new seat? It seems that your brother and Miss. Hale only exacerbate your behavior."

_Ohhh__—__big, fancy word, Mr. Teacher-man. Have you been reading the dictionary at night to give your life some meaning?_ I scoffed in thought.

"Rosalie and Edward are excellent students as well, and I don't want to see a decline in their work because of evident..." He sized me up, looking for the right word, "..._distractions._" Well, he obviously wasn't reading the dictionary if he couldn't come up with a better way to describe me.

I sighed. I really wished he'd leave Rose and Edward out of it. Both of them actually did their best to be respectful in class. They were usually just trying to get me to shut up.

"I believe there's an empty seat near the front of the room…" Was this jackass _really_ talking about giving me an assigned seat? I was almost fifty-years-old for God's sake! Plus, the empty seat he was talking about was right next to a terrarium full of spiders. Mr. Poole liked to study bugs. He was such a creepy old man.

"I don't think that will be necessary." I looked at the dozens of spiders staring at me with their beady little eyes.

"You are going to behave?" Mr. Poole asked. What was I? A five-year-old? Was he going to stick me in the corner and tell me to think about what I'd done?

_Hell, no_. I nodded and lied through my teeth. "Of course."

I sneered at my least favorite teacher ever as I met my family out in the hallway. Jasper and Alice had met up with Edward and Rosalie.

"Are you really going to behave?" Rosalie's anger at me had apparently subsided. She had a curious expression in her eyes.

I grinned, exposing my teeth. "Hell, no."

In fact, I had the world's best practical joke planned for the world's most annoying teacher. Edward could see my thoughts.

"I believe it might be wise to skip the dissection project altogether," he said.

"What? Why?"

"I just don't think it's such a good idea," he said warily.

"Aw, are you afraid that Emmett might get hungry and eat your project?" Alice chuckled.

I waited for his answer. Did he really think that I was capable of ingesting a dead frog in front of our classmates?

I shook my head and stuck my tongue out to assure Edward that I had _no_ interest in licking toads.

"Come on, they'll be frozen stiff," I shrugged.

"Your thirst isn't always logical," Edward said.

"I don't like frogs. I have no interest in eating them _or_ their legs," I said. "I'm not French, Edward." I smirked as we walked down the hallway. _Are you really worried about me craving frog blood, or are you just too chicken to go along with my idea?_

"Your idea is stupid, Emmett," Edward responded quietly.

"Ah, come on. It'll shake things up a bit. I'm tired of the same old thing. I'm dying here, man."

"I wouldn't…" He warned.

But I wasn't going to listen to him. And he knew it, so he didn't bitch at me about my plan. I figured that since Mr. Poole was constantly being an asshole, he deserved a little payback. So, four days before we were set to dissect frogs in class, I snuck into the biology lab with a vial full of my venom, a syringe, and a dying frog.

I had specifically chosen the sickest frog I could find, so I wouldn't be destroying a healthy creature. Carlisle would thrash me for my insensitivity. I wasn't even sure that this plan would work, but it was worth a shot.

I held the dying frog in my hands and pulled some of my venom from the vial. Technically, I guess I could have just bitten him, but I just couldn't see me putting my mouth on a frog. I'd probably get warts in my mouth or something.

As I was injecting the thick venom into the frog, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the creature.

"Sorry, little guy," I shrugged. But he was going to die anyway.

I made the frog as comfortable as possible. I lowered him into a little cage and found a place to hide him.

I heard a noise from behind me. I spun around with a hiss, loosening my grip on the vial of venom and sending it into the side of the terrarium that the spiders were in. I cussed under my breath when I saw that the top of the cage was open. The vial had hit the edge, breaking into tiny shards of glass and sending the contents into the cage full of spiders.

I looked around to see where the noise had come from. I quickly realized that it was just the class gerbil getting a drink of water.

"Damn it, Cuddles," I hissed at the gerbil. "Look what you made me do." Cuddles looked at me with a blank look, twitched his nose, and then started to eat some of the bedding in his cage.

I walked over to the cage full of spiders. I decided to just get the glass out and go. By the time the weekend was out, there would be no trace of the venom in the cage anyway.

I quickly cleaned up my mess and then started on my way home. I grinned the entire way there. I couldn't wait for dissection time.

When the day finally arrived, I was as giddy as a chick on her wedding day. I kissed Rosalie as we walked into the classroom.

"You certainly are affectionate this morning," Rosalie noticed.

How could I not love today? I was getting ready to laugh my ass off. Because in the early morning hours, I had snuck back up here and replaced Mr. Poole's frog with the frog I'd laced with my venom. He had a bunch of coolers full of frozen frogs, and I'd thrown his dead frog out and put the venom-filled frog in the cooler closest to his desk.

Mr. Poole was going to do a demonstration on dissection before he actually had the students do it.

Edward shook his head at me from the seat next to me. "This is the most ridiculous stunt you've ever pulled…"

_You're just mad that you didn't think of it first._

Mr. Poole came in, a dickish dick as always. He started doing his teacher thing…and then he went for the frog. I rubbed my hands together in anticipation. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face.

Mr. Poole took the frog out of its frozen cage. Little froggy played dead very well. When he flipped the frog over on his back and prepared to show us how to make the first incision, I bit through my tongue to contain my laughter.

"Now, you're going to want to…" I saw confusion on his face when he couldn't get the blade to go through the frog's skin.

"Maybe you have a dull blade." _Dull. Like YOU._ I grinned at him.

Before Mr. Poole could form a response, the frog flipped over and let out a mighty croak. I heard some squeals and gasps from behind me, but I was too busy watching Mr. Poole's reaction to see anything else. He stumbled backwards in surprise and I lost it to my laughter. The man looked like he was about to have a heart attack. The frog leaped towards him with speed, and he quickly moved out of the way. The frog hit the chalkboard, leaving a dent, and then it fell to the floor.

At this point, I was on the floor laughing hysterically. Edward dashed forward to clean up my mess. My brother was very good at cleaning up after me. I know he was constantly annoyed by my plots to make life a little more fun.

Edward grabbed the frog, but not before the frog crashed into the cage full of spiders, knocking them all over the room.

"Emmett, get your ass off of the ground and help me." Edward growled low enough that the humans couldn't hear, but not so low that he wasn't yelling at me.

With the spiders on the loose, the students started running from the room, screaming and piling into the hallway. Mr. Poole watched tentatively from behind his desk as Edward, Rosalie, and I tried to calm the angry frog down.

"You are going to be in deep shit, Emmett," Rosalie muttered quietly.

I just smiled at my wife and shook my head playfully. This was more like it. This is just what this town needed. A little excitement.

I felt something crawling on my arm. I looked over and saw that one of the spiders was skittering across my skin. And before I knew it, there were two of them. Then three.

"What the…" I looked around the classroom and saw that all of the spiders were heading straight for me.

I felt a tiny pinprick on my arm. I looked down and saw that one of the spiders had sunk his teeth into me. But_—_his bite shouldn't hurt. In fact, it shouldn't have penetrated my skin at all. I felt a burning sensation where the spider had bitten me.

"Ow, what the hell? They're biting me…" I flicked a few of the spiders away from me. "You little shit." I tried to smash one. I missed him and he fell on to a desk. I saw the little sucker look up at me, and I _swear_ I could hear him chuckling at me.

I could feel the other spiders on my skin sinking their fangs into me and I slowly realized what was going on. The venom that I'd left in the cage might have had something to do with this. Though I couldn't explain how_—_we were dealing with a bunch of vampire spiders.

Edward had disposed of the frog, and by "disposed of"_—_I meant that he gave it to Rosalie, who disappeared with it to tear the poor thing's head off and set him on fire.

_Uh…you're going to laugh…_ I looked at Edward as I tried to shake the spiders off of me.

"I don't think so," Edward frowned.

_Ah! Get them off of me!_ I felt one crawling around my crotch. I fell backwards, smashing a desk and sending crap flying everywhere.

I could see Edward's perplexed look. I'm sure he was thinking the same thing I was.

_How does one kill a vampire spider?_

Two more spiders came crawling up my leg. I shook them off.

"Ah, seriously_—_back off! I loved _Charlotte's Web_!" I pleaded with the evil little creatures.

One of the creepy things flew at my face. I smacked it away. I'm not sure how, but Edward managed to catch the arachnid. He held the bug between his fingers and then gingerly twisted its head off.

He glanced over at the bunsen burner.

_Good idea. Let's fry these suckers._ I started killing the little pests one at a time. I have no clue how many spiders had been in that cage. At least two dozen. And every damn one of them seemed to want to come after me. But between me and Edward, we had them all destroyed in no time.

I glanced at my brother in silence. He did not look amused. Neither did Mr. Poole, who had been hiding behind his desk the entire time.

_What a puss._ I chuckled in thought.

Mr. Poole observed the disarray that the classroom was in and then looked at me furiously.

"I don't know _how_ you managed to create this chaos, and I don't _care_. I _know_ it was you, Emmett. And something else that I know is that _you_ are cleaning this mess up…"

I rubbed one of the spider bites on my arm as I responded, "Gee, are you going to make me write 'I will not bring frogs back to life' five-hundred times on the chalkboard?"

"Emmett!" Edward hissed. He. Was. _Pissed_.

Mr. Poole went to tell the other students that everything was okay. I looked at Edward. He was glaring at me like he was going to kill me.

"Heh. Funny, right?" I chuckled nervously.

"I found it quite amusing. Even better than what I saw in my head." Alice appeared in the room.

I glanced at her. She'd seen this entire thing play out? Even the spider thing? I was a little perturbed that she didn't warn me about the eight-legged freaks.

"You knew? You knew, and you let me do this anyway?" I asked.

"You wouldn't have listened to me," Alice shrugged. Edward nodded in agreement.

I thought for a moment and then agreed with them, "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Emmett…" Edward said.

"Yeah, I know. You're disappointed in me. Blah, blah, blah. Save it. I'm sure I'll get the 'daddy' speech from Carlisle." I bet I was in for a hell of a lecture from my adoptive father.

Edward didn't say anything else as he nodded his head, trying to indicate me to look down. I looked down at my shoulder and saw that Edward and I had missed one of the spiders. The thing growled at me and latched on my nose. I felt the traces of venom burning through my nasal passageways.

"Ah! Little fucker!" I automatically brought my hand to my face to smack the spider. I missed the bug and smacked myself in the face, probably looking like a moron to my brother and sister. I grabbed the angry little spider by one of its legs and shook it to the ground. My body shuddered and I let out a disgusted grunt. There was now no creature on Earth that I hated more than spiders_—_except maybe Richard Nixon.

I looked over and saw that Alice and Edward were both chuckling in amusement. For a moment, I just stared at them, but then I let a smug smile break across my face that was directed at Edward.

_Told ya you were going to laugh._

My parents, however, did not find my little prank at all amusing. But it did give my family something to talk about. We'd been stuck in this boring, little town for far too long. And the chaos that I'd created today was the deciding factor for our plans to move.

"Aw, we shouldn't have to pick up and leave just because of me," I said. "Tell you what_—_I'll make a formal apology to Mr. Poole, and I'll even buy him a couple of new spiders as a show of good faith?"

"This isn't just about that, Emmett," Carlisle assured me. He looked at me sternly. "Though I can not say enough how reckless your actions were and how devastating the consequences could have been."

"I know. I'm grounded til I'm a hundred and thirty," I said.

"Try a hundred and fifty." Esme shook her finger at me.

I smiled at my parents. They were cute when they were angry. Especially Esme. She got this crinkle in her nose and her tiny little mouth poked out into a pout.

"It is very fortunate that no one besides you was bitten," Carlisle said.

"I get it. I'm sorry." I really wasn't. The look on Mr. Poole's face today was priceless. It would keep me laughing for centuries to come. I paused to think about something. "Are we really moving again?"

"We've discussed it with the others. They are more than ready to move on," Carlisle nodded.

"Cool." Any place was bound to be better than here. "So, am I done getting yelled at yet?"

"Try to control yourself a little more, son," Carlisle pleaded with me. I assured Carlisle that I would try not to cause this much chaos again. I joined the others in the living room. Edward was playing his dinky little piano. It had a really depressing melody.

"You need a woman, dude." I laughed at my sappy brother. _No, check that. You need to get laid, my brother._ Edward shook his head at me with a frown. I fell on to the couch next to Rosalie and winked suggestively at him. _See this? This is the reason that I'm always smiling. Bow-chick-a-wow-wow…_

Edward shook his head at me again and ignored me.

I grinned smugly to myself. We were finally getting the hell out of this dull town. I glanced at my siblings and my wife.

"So, y'all are really cool with moving?"

Alice was the first to pipe in, "It's going to be very exciting where we're going."

"Where are we heading this time?" I questioned.

"Somewhere in Washington." Rosalie looked irritated.

"It doesn't look like much, but trust me_—_things are going to get interesting there." Alice cuddled against Jasper. I pulled Rosalie closer to me and she stared at me affectionately.

"So…you're not pissed that we're leaving?" The fact that she wasn't screaming at me was a good sign.

"It _is_ getting a bit repetitive here," she sighed. "And it will be nice to have new guys fawning over something that they can't have."

"Damn straight." I kissed her.

"Hey, Emmett?" Edward interrupted us. I growled. It always annoyed me when he stopped me from kissing my wife.

"What?" I grumbled.

I felt something smack my chest. I looked down and saw a black spider sitting in my lap. I leaped up and the lifeless creature fell to the ground. I looked closer and saw that it was just a plastic prop.

I curled my lip up at Edward.

"Totally not funny, dude!"

Everyone in the room was laughing at Edward's little joke. But I don't think that anyone besides Edward knew just how deathly afraid of spiders I had become today. Fighting off two dozen of those blood thirsty creatures freaked me the hell out. I glared at him.

_Don't you ever tell a soul._

Edward lifted his eyebrows at me and then went back to playing his music. I relaxed back into the couch, but not before pulverizing the toy spider that was still sitting at my feet.


	47. Outtake 3

**Disclaimer: **In no way do I condone underage drinking. Alcohol has a way of making you retarded. Also, don't play with fire and booze. Alcohol _is_ flammable. 'Nough said.

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**You guys have been un-freakin-believably kind in your reviews.**

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**Outtake 3:**

**This is the interesting evening that happens after Jacob shows up on Leah's door step with alcohol after Sam has broken her heart. Leah **_**never**_** turns alcohol away.**

"**Alcohol: The reason we are all idiots"**

I gazed into the mirror in my bathroom, pondering how much shittier my life could get. As I took the time to appreciate my features, I wondered just where I ranked on the "hot" scale. It couldn't be very high considering my boyfriend of four years left me to go jump in bed with my cousin.

A knock came from outside the door. God, my brother had the bladder control of an eighty-year-old man.

"Use mom and dad's bathroom. I'm busy in here." Busy staring at the reflection in the mirror and wondering where in the hell my life went wrong.

"Come on, Leah. I've really gotta go!!" He pounded on the door. "What are you doing in there, anyway?"

"The showerhead. I've named him Bob. Now go away."

Seth let out a disgusted cry and retreated down the hallway. Good, that would keep him at bay for at least another fifteen minutes. I sighed and slid down in between the toilet and the tub. I started to take deep, relaxing breaths to keep myself calm. Didn't work. I grumbled and threw my face into my knees.

_Stop. Being. A. Baby!_ _Get your ass off the floor. You will not do this._ I growled at myself.

I looked up and glanced into the bowl of toilet water.

_You are pathetic, Leah._ I shook my head. I couldn't believe that I was staring at my reflection in my toilet. Although, that did say a lot about where my life was at the moment. In the crapper. Talk about a hell of a metaphor.

I stood up and dusted myself off. Time to go play "let's pretend everything is fine" for my family.

When I opened the door, Seth was staring back at me.

"About damn time." He shoved his way past me and into the bathroom.

"You do realize that as a guy, you could basically piss anywhere you wanted? The world is your toilet."

"That's sweet. You should stitch that on a pillow." Seth glared at me as he slammed the door.

"Good idea. Can you teach me how to sew, or are you too busy trying on dresses for prom?" I huffed as I paced down the hallway.

I spent the rest of the day hiding out in my room so I wouldn't be subjected to my parents staring at me helplessly.

For some reason, the powers that be decided to grant me a reprieve for a night. My parents went out to dinner while Seth went over to his buddy Embry's place. It started out as a nice, peaceful night. And then turned into a series of hilarious misadventures from there.

It all started when Jacob called for Seth.

"Hello?" I can't really explain why I'd picked up the phone. The last thing I wanted to do was _talk_ to anyone. But if it was someone that I didn't like, I could just hang up on them like I always did.

"Leah? It's Jacob…"

_Click._

Five seconds later, the phone was ringing again.

I sighed as I picked up.

"Hello, you've reached the 'I don't give a shit' hotline. Please wait while we transfer your call."

"I would like to speak to your supervisor."

"I don't give a shit."

_Click._

The phone rang again rather quickly.

"Hustler Joe's Bar and Pool Hall."

"I'd like to reserve your best table..."

"Are you over the age of eighteen?"

"No," Jacob huffed. "Come on, Leah_—_this is getting old..."

_Click._

By the fifth time he'd called, I finally gave in.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Let me talk to Seth." Jacob's patience was wearing thin.

"He's not here."

"You could have just told me that," he said flatly.

"I _could_ have," I said. "But I didn't want to."

"Where is he?"

"I'm afraid that information is classified. If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

"Damn it, I'm sick of playing games!"

"And I'm sick of feeling like shit." I accidentally let my feelings slip. _Fuck. FUCK!_ I screamed at myself.

Jacob was quiet on the other end of the line.

"Sam's a dick." He finally spoke again. Leave it to Jacob Black to say something to _actually_ make me feel better.

"Yes. Yes, he is."

"Is Seth really not there, or are you just torturing me?" Jacob questioned.

"Nope. The little squirt is out of the house. And so are my mom and dad. It's quite nice. I can actually hear myself think." I really could. And my thoughts were slowly starting to scream at me. It was a bit agonizing.

The line was silent for a few minutes. I wasn't really sure why Jacob hadn't hung up yet.

"Leah? Are you still there?"

"Just go bother Seth. He's at Embry's," I sighed. My thoughts were starting to weigh on me heavily.

"Hey, are you okay? You sound weird."

_That's because I'm trying to choke back tears, dumbass._ "Just leave me alone, Jacob," I grumbled. "Unless you have loads of alcohol, then there is nothing you can do for me."

"You aren't cutting your wrists or anything, are you?"

I gasped sarcastically, "So _that's_ where all the blood is coming from…"

"Look, I know Sam upset you…"

"I am _not_ going to talk to you about this." Not unless I was completely trashed out of my mind. "Look, I'm fine. Do me a favor and leave me the hell alone."

_Click._

This time, the phone didn't ring again. I stared at it like a loser, wondering whether or not Jacob would call back.

He didn't.

But that's because he was at my door half an hour later. When I opened the door and saw him standing there, I was a bit surprised.

"What are you doing here? I told you that Seth isn't here."

Jacob didn't say anything to me as he handed me a duffel bag.

"What the hell is this?" I looked at the bag curiously. I opened it up and saw a couple of six-packs and some liquor. I glanced at the fifteen-year-old in front of me. "You're _fifteen_!" I exclaimed.

"Sixteen in two days," he said.

I opened my mouth to ask where he'd gotten the alcohol, but I really didn't want to know, and I really didn't care.

"Alright. Come on in you little lawbreaker." I waved him in. After all, how could we go wrong with alcohol?

I just had to ask.

Two hours later, Jacob was sitting on my couch, nearly drooling because he was laughing so hard.

"Jake, you've had _two_ beers." I laughed at the little lightweight.

"And a couple of shots," he admitted.

"This is so wrong." I shook my head. "I shouldn't be doing this with you. You're too young." I guess I didn't have enough alcohol in my system to drown out my conscience yet.

"I can make my own fucking decisions, Clearwater," he snapped. "And don't forget_—__I'm_ the one who brought the beer," he frowned. "Now shut up and do another shot." He poured me a shot of liquor.

Well, what else did I have to lose? I quickly downed the shot and then made a face.

"God, that's awful."

"It's 100 proof."

"Well, I still don't feel a damn thing."

"You will in a couple of minutes."

I frowned at him. "How do you know so much about alcohol?"

"I'm a teenage guy," he shrugged. Then he looked at the ground sadly.

"Geeze, if you hate being a guy _that_ much, they have operations to fix that nowadays." I could start calling him Jacobina.

"It's not that," he grumbled. "It's just…this girl that I like is dating this complete assmonkey."

If he started gushing about Bella Swan in my living room, I was going to smash his head through our family television.

"Did you _really_ come over for girltalk?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"I just figured_—_we're kind of in the same boat."

"No." I shook my head. "Your ship just hit a bit of rough water. Mine is the fucking Titanic."

"Kate Winslet is hot," Jacob smirked.

"Wipe the drool off of your chin," I laughed. "And go clean the cream out of your pants."

"That is the nastiest thing I've ever heard you say."

"Then you haven't been hanging around me long enough." I shrugged as I poured myself another shot.

"Take it easy on that stuff, Leah. It's pretty strong."

"I think I can handle my liquor," I chuckled.

Famous last words.

Twenty minutes later, I was staring blankly at the television. I wasn't really sure what we were watching. People were just...talking so much.

I frowned at Jacob. "Why the hell are we watching this show? It's fucking stupid."

"But it's funny."

"It's Fox News. I don't give a floating astronaut dick in space about politics."

I watched as two blowhard idiots argued over who was right. The republican and democrat sat there and argued with one another, while some neutral party just butted in every few minutes with a completely irrelevant comment.

"I honestly don't know why I'm arguing with you about this. Anyone who _follows_ an ass is bound to turn into one," the republican griped.

"It's a donkey!" The democrat snapped back.

"Ah, so you _do_ recognize the animal when you're not watching it in a show in Mexico?"

"This coming from the guy who spends his time servicing young men in truck stop restrooms."

"I disputed that."

"Did you _dispute,_ or did you just _spew_?"

The "Technical Difficulties" screen popped up and I let out a laugh.

"Ha!" I exclaimed.

"See? Funny…" Jacob doubled over in laughter. He poured me another shot and I glanced at it.

"This stuff really does taste like shit, you know." But it was giving me one hell of a buzz, so I wasn't going to refuse it. I picked it up and observed the glass as Jacob poured one of his own.

"Wow, I can really smell the alcohol…"

"Yeah."

"Hey…" I saw his face light up with an idea. "Do you think we could set it on fire?"

"Yes, because fire and alcohol is always a good combination." I gave him an odd look. "I think it's about time for me to cut you off."

"No, check it out. Restaurants used to do it all the time." Jacob stumbled off of the couch and started digging around my house for a lighter.

"If you burn my parents' house down, they're going to be upset."

"Jackpot." He walked back in holding the lighter my mother used to burn her candles. He sat down again and grabbed the alcohol. He grinned at me.

"Suit yourself. But if you burn your eyebrows off, I'm going to laugh at you."

"Alright. Prepared to be amazed…"

"Dazzle me, oh, fire God," I said sarcastically. Apparently, I was too drunk to stop him.

Jacob held the glass out away from his body and then flicked the lighter on. He brought the flame closer and closer to the alcohol.

I heard a whoosh and then a blue flame shot out above the glass. Jacob was grinning in triumph. He dropped the lighter and held the glass.

"See? I told you that_—_ow!" The glass burned his hand and he dropped the burning liquid on to his pants. He quickly leaped up, sending small bouts of fire all over my living room. The small flames disintegrated in the air before they touched the ground.

"Shit, shit! Put it out!" Jacob cried. There was _literally_ a fire in Jacob's pants. I croaked out laughter while he danced around tapping his crotch trying to pat the fire out.

"Your crotch is on fire! Do you _know_ how hilarious that is?"

"Oh, my pants are on fire! My pants are on FIRE!" he exclaimed.

Since I was nice and toasted, the only thing I could do was grab the water that was sitting on the table and splash it on Jacob's crotch.

"Leah, what the hell are you doing? That's VODKA!" The fire intensified.

"Oh, my bad." My _hilarious_ bad.

After a few minutes, Jacob had the fire out. It didn't look like it had caused much damage, but I know Jacob was probably freaking out that he'd come within inches of burning his genitalia off. He plopped back on to the couch while I wiped away the tears from my laughter.

"You...should...have seen...your face!" I wheezed out through my drunken laughter.

"You were very helpful. Thank you," he said dryly.

"That is by far the funniest thing I have ever seen in my lifetime."

He frowned at me for a few minutes, but then a smile broke across his face. "Yeah, it was pretty damn awesome. I mean, how many guys set themselves on fire?"

"Only the idiots," I smiled. So_—_about 98% of the population...

We got drunker as the evening wore on. I knew we wouldn't get caught because my parents usually stayed out pretty late on their date nights. They probably went to the top of some make-out hill and shared their intimate old people love. _Ugh, no! Bad. Mental. Image._

I needed about four more shots of Tequila to get rid of the images that I had just put in my head.

"…The whole thing is a complete hoax. I mean, the government wants you to believe…"

I stopped Jacob. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Area 51? Aliens? Little green people? 'Er, take me to your leader. ET phone home?'"

"If you were ET, and I was that home planet, I would have screened that call..."

"Come on, this is interesting stuff!"

"Whatever. You have issues, you little freak." I shook my head as Jacob rambled something about aliens. He noticed that I wasn't paying attention to him, so he changed the subject.

"So, what's on your drunk mind?"

_Sam Uley._ God damn it. I was drinking to try and _forget_ him and he was plaguing my head and driving me insane.

Jacob was able to read the expression on my face and he knew exactly what was on my mind.

"Come on, Clearwater_—_I brought this alcohol solely to make you _forget_ your ex-boyfriend…"

How in the hell did Jacob Black know what I was thinking? _Ah! Get out of my head!_

"Sam's a good for nothing punk anyway," Jacob frowned.

"I'd like to shove a pineapple in his ass," I admitted.

"That sounds painful."

"Which is the reason I want to do it," I paused to think about something. "I do feel bad for my cousin, though."

"You do?" Jacob was surprised.

"Yeah. Sam's not the best lay in the world."

"Oh, God. Gross, Leah."

"No. I'm serious. I mean, he's got a nice enough package..." Geeze, did he ever, "...he just doesn't know how to use it…"

"I think I'm going to be sick," Jacob heaved.

"Pansy."

"Hey, I don't torture you with stories about my love life."

"Because you don't have one." I felt bad about that as soon as I said it. But it's not like I could take it back.

"You are such a bitch." He shook his head. "I don't even know why I came over here tonight."

"If I'm _that_ much of a chore to you, why don't you just leave?" I snapped.

"I told Seth I'd come over to make sure you were okay…" He quickly stopped mid-sentence. I could read the expression on his face. One that obviously said, _"Oh, shit…"_ He hadn't meant to let that slip.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. Forget it."

"Jacob Black_—_tell me, or I will set you on fire again…"

"When I called to talk to Seth at Embry's, he seemed worried about you. And after the conversation I'd had with you, I started to wonder about your sanity as well."

"I don't need a babysitter. Especially one who's just out of diapers himself," I snarled.

"Yeah, right," he scoffed. "If I'm a baby, then where'd you get your sippy cup of alcohol?"

"You_—_mouthbreathing asslicker." So, I wasn't up to my best insults tonight. Alcohol had a way of screwing with my head. Wait, why was I pissed at Jake? Shit. I couldn't remember! Oh, right_—_the whole "spying" on me thing.

Instead of reaming Jacob out, I just downed another shot of alcohol.

"Hey, are you hungry?" Jacob questioned.

"Not really."

"I'm starved," he admitted as he stood up.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"I'm going to go eat a bunch of food_—_and then puke it up…"

"Try not to choke on your own vomit."

I'm not really sure how much time had passed, but after a while, I noticed that Jacob still hadn't come back into the living room. I decided to go and look for him. But getting to the kitchen seemed to be an impossible task. With the walls spinning around me and little cartoon birds flying around my head, I ended up falling down a few times.

I just laughed as I crawled into the kitchen. Jacob was right. This alcohol was strong shit. I wasn't the only one on the floor. I laughed hysterically when I saw Jacob sitting in front of my open refrigerator, leaning his head back into last week's mashed potatoes.

"Jacob, why is your head in my refrigerator?"

"I'm hoooot," Jacob complained.

"Well, you _did_ set yourself on fire."

"Yeah." He laughed. "That was funny."

"You've got food in your hair." I pointed out.

Jacob reached his hands behind him and stuck his fingers into some leftovers. He then brought his hands to his mouth and proceeded to lick his fingers.

"Your mom is a good cook."

"That's the nastiest thing I've ever seen."

"Even nastier than Sam's face?"

I snorted at his stupid joke. After the laughter died down, I looked at him seriously.

"Jake?"

"Huh?"

"We're _really_ drunk…"

Both of us blacked out at that point. Fortunately, my body processed alcohol fairly quickly, so I wasn't out for very long. I managed to wake up before my parents or Seth got home. I glanced at the clock and saw how late it was.

"Shit." I crawled over to Jacob, who was snoring from inside my refrigerator.

"Jacob_—_wake up. My parents are going to be home any minute."

"Huh?" Jacob sat up. I saw that his hair was caught in the crisper drawer. He jerked his head up and let out a yowl. "Ow! I've been scalped!"

"Hold still, moron." I reached in the fridge and untangled Jacob's hair. Once I got him free, I dragged him into the living room to help me clean up and dispose of the evidence.

"What are we doing?" Jacob was confused.

"Look, if you want to get away with stuff, it's usually a good idea to clean up after yourself," I explained.

"Oh. Right," Jacob nodded.

I glanced at the clock after we finished cleaning the living room.

"I guess I should probably get going…" Jacob scratched his head.

"You aren't going anywhere. If someone sees you stumbling out of this house drunk, it's my ass on the line. Now sit down on the couch and pretend to be interested in the TV."

"You're a bossy drunk," he said with a frown.

I heard my parents' car pull up.

"Jacob, I mean it. Just sit there, and don't say anything. If you open your big mouth, my parents are going to know right away something is up."

My mom and dad came through the front door just moments later. I'd had a lot of practice at acting normal while I was really trashed out of my mind. I just had to hope that Jacob wouldn't blow our cover.

"Jacob?" Of course the first thing dad noticed when he came through the door was the boy in the empty house with his daughter.

Before Jacob could open his mouth to answer, I answered for him.

"He came over looking for Seth to…get help…" I blurted out. Get help with what? Shit. _Think, Leah__—__THINK!_ "...with…math…" Well, that was a lousy excuse if I'd ever heard one. It was summer.

Jacob didn't help any as he opened his mouth. "Uh_—_yeah. Seth has my math book. I need to get it back from him and return it to school."

"What exactly are you doing here at this hour?" Dad asked Jacob curiously.

I quickly spoke up for him again. I should have kept my freaking mouth closed.

"We were just watching..." _Damn it_. The TV was off. I shook my head. "Uh_—_Jacob was just leaving."

My parents didn't look convinced. I was drunker than I thought.

"Why does it smell like something is burning in this house?" My mother sniffed the air. I looked at the small scorch mark on Jacob's pants and had to fight back my laughter.

"I don't smell anything," I shrugged.

My parents stared at us silently for a few minutes.

"Whatever you two are up to, I don't like it…" My mother frowned as she disappeared into the kitchen. Dad reluctantly followed her.

Jacob and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"That was close," he said quietly.

"Why is everything in the refrigerator covered in hair?" My mother exclaimed from the kitchen.

"How are we going to explain that?" Jacob whispered.

"I'll tell you how." I stood up and bolted for the front door. "We get the hell out of here…"

At first, Jacob thought that I was joking, but when he saw me take off, he quickly followed me.

"Hey, you know what would be fun?" Jacob questioned. "The Dell's have a trampoline…"

Again, I was too drunk to say no, so we ended up sneaking into my neighbor's backyard. But after two minutes of bouncing, I was beginning to see why this was a bad idea. My stomach started doing flips. Jacob fell into the trampoline and let out a moan. I tried to stand up, but since my feet were _already_ wobbly, the trampoline wasn't very steady. As I fell forward, Jacob tried to grab my legs, but when I hit the edge, I caused the trampoline to tip forward, sending both of us to the ground.

"That was fun." Jacob pushed himself out of the dirt.

I looked at the trampoline, which was on its side. How in the hell had we managed that one?

"I think we broke it..." I chuckled.

"Hey! Who's out there!?" I saw a porch light come on.

"Crap. Come on." I grabbed Jacob's arm and starting running.

I don't know how long we were running, but it felt like forever. When I stopped running abruptly, Jacob crashed into me, sending both of us toppling to the ground.

"Shit. Sorry." He quickly rolled off of me.

I spit a clump of dirt out of my mouth and laughed. Thankfully, the alcohol hadn't worn off completely yet, or else I would be really freaking pissed right now.

Both of us laid on the ground, too tired and too drunk to move. But Jacob had been successful in getting me to forget about Sam for a while. Now, all I could think about was what I was going to tell my parents tomorrow after my hangover wore off.

_"__First, I got drunk with a fifteen-year-old. I watched him set his pants on fire and then laughed when he fell asleep with his head in the refrigerator. Then, we broke the neighbor's trampoline. And I'm not really sure, but I think we might have dressed a mailbox up in clothes at one point..."_

I would never see the light of day again. My parents would be so freaking pissed at me. I could see the little vein in my mother's head getting ready to explode.

I glanced at the night sky and shook my head. This was a weird fucking night. I started to drift off. My mind was so buzzed right now.

"Leah? You still awake?" Jacob questioned. I ignored him. I didn't feel like talking anymore. So I let him assume that I was asleep. I heard him crawling towards me. He stopped a few feet short and leaned next to my ear. "Sam's an idiot," he whispered quietly. Then he fell asleep in a drunken stupor as well.

The next morning, I woke up face to face with a bird pecking on my nose.

"I will bury you, Tweety." I threatened the bird. The bird hopped away. "Wise choice…" I nodded as I sat up.

"What the hell happened last night?" I heard Jacob moan from about ten feet away. Apparently, he'd rolled down a hill.

He dragged himself up the hill with his hand on his head. He had food, dirt, and all kinds of other crap in his hair. I laughed at him as I stood up.

"What are you laughing at?" he asked.

"You look like Swamp Thing…"

"You should see yourself, Medusa," Jacob chuckled.

The two of us stared at each other in silence for a few minutes and then we broke into laughter. It had been a hell of a night. It was just unfortunate that it had to end. Drunk Jacob was hilarious as hell.

_Five years_. I reminded myself in thought. As soon as Jacob was twenty-one, I was going to take him out and get him completely smashed again_—_just because I wanted to see him set himself on fire once more. Then again, I could probably dare him to do it while he was sober_—_and he would.

I toyed with the idea of asking him to do it again today. Nah, he'd had an exciting enough night. I'd give him a day to recover_—_and then I'd show up at his house with a lighter and a bottle of Vodka.


	48. Outtake 4

**A/N: Hey, guys. I'm finally posting this with the other outtakes. Trying to get all stories/outtakes together. There's one more (outtake: "Sex Ed Sue") to come after this. This outtake in particular hounded me for a while. I actually never thought that it would be complete. Writing from Sam's point of view is extremely difficult (at least for me). I figured that this outtake would probably remain unfinished forever. Guess I was wrong about that.**

**I did have a few of you who wanted me to do something in Sam's POV, so hopefully I succeeded in capturing him.**

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**Sam's Lament**

I am officially the world's biggest asshole. It wasn't enough that less than forty-eight hours ago I'd nearly killed someone I loved very dearly, because I lost my temper when we were wolves. Stuff like that didn't happen to normal guys. Of course, I wasn't a normal guy. I'd quickly come to terms with the fact that I was a werewolf. It was my inherent duty to protect people. _Protect_. Not hurt.

But I'd hurt my Leah. In more ways than one. And she wasn't "my" Leah anymore. The day that I'd broken her heart I had relinquished all of my attachments to her. I would never forget the pain etched on her face that day. It would haunt me for the rest of my life. She masked it with anger, but I could see the agonizing pain beneath her rage. And when she was screaming, "I hate you, you bastard!" I knew that what she was really yelling was, "Why are you breaking my heart?"

Being with Emily made my guilt much easier. Emily had always had a way of making me feel better. She's the girl that I knew I was supposed to be with, but in the back of my mind I'd always have a place for Leah. Before I phased for the first time Leah and I'd had something special. She was the first girl I'd ever loved. You never get over your first love.

And I'd nearly killed mine two days ago. I was horrified. I didn't remember much of the fight. I had just let the beast inside of me take control. And that beast had really done a number on her. _I_ had really done a number on her. I don't know what possessed me to command her to stop fighting back while I raged forward in anger. I was upset about several different things. My emotions got the better of me. Turns out_—_after all of the crap that I'd given the other guys about being in control of their tempers, _I_ was the one to be most concerned about. But finding out about Jacob's love for Leah drove me to the brink of insanity. All I could think about was the pain on her face the day that I'd broken her heart because of imprinting. I didn't want her to meet the same fate again. I didn't want Jacob to hurt her. All I wanted was to protect her. Turns out..._I_ was the one she needed protecting from. Jacob had pushed my alpha command aside in order to protect her. That's when I knew how much he loved her.

Jacob's love had enraged me. And it wasn't just because of that "bros before hoes" thing. I couldn't believe that the two of them kept their feelings a secret. And to add insult to injury, I'd found out that Leah was going to attempt to warn the Cullens about our plan to destroy Bella and Edward's child. I just couldn't make Jacob, Seth, and Leah see my point of view. They didn't understand how dangerous of a situation that the child could become. So they took matters into their own hands.

It was after Leah had made a few snarky remarks about Emily that I completely lost control of myself. That's when I let the rage overtake me. It was only after Jacob bowled me over and slammed me into the ground had I realized what I'd done. Once the anger diminished I could feel Leah's pain_—_and I felt like crap. No, I felt _worse_ than crap. I felt like the maggots that formed in crap. I'd hurt her pretty badly.

Leah did her best to mask her pain by keeping her mind occupied by very weird random things.

_A guy in a dolphin suit on a rollercoaster?_ I'd heard Paul choking back laughter.

I had felt Leah getting weaker. Though she was trying to hide her anguish, she let a whimper slip out. It pushed me into a panic. I was the reason that she was hurting. Oh, God_—_what had I done?

Leah pushed on with her randomness.

_What the hell? Why would you put an image in my head of a penguin and a monkey making out?_ Quil had questioned.

_Blame it on a Halloween costume party._ Seth obviously knew exactly where Leah had gotten this disturbing image from. I saw the picture in his head as well. _The scary thing is__—__I think they were both dudes._

Jacob and I had been so busy arguing with each other that we didn't even notice that Leah was sneaking away. Fortunately, her brother wasn't far behind her. Good Lord, the Clearwaters had to hate me by now. Sue had always been very cordial, even after I'd broken up with Leah for Emily. But I think Sue's tolerance of me was for Emily's sake. Seth didn't have the advantage of being an adult. I know that he wanted to kill me. I heard it in his thoughts all the time. He and Leah constantly fought, but the fact that I'd hurt her brought out the angry brother in him. And ever since Harry had died Seth had become fiercely protective of his sister. And though he didn't ever say it out loud...I knew the kid was pissed. That's how I knew I'd really screwed up. Seth didn't get upset about much. But the day I'd nearly killed Leah, the thoughts that were floating around in Seth's head were downright frightening.

The entire pack witnessed my regrettable actions that day. Once Leah, Seth, and Jacob had phased, I ordered the rest of the pack to go home. I needed to regroup. Quil and Embry were speechless. Not very surprising for Embry, but a bit of a shocker for Quil_—_because he usually had something to say. Paul mumbled something about how he no longer had the worst temper in the pack anymore. Collin and Brady nervously chattered on about baseball. Jared is the only one who spoke to me directly. He waited until the other boys phased.

_What now, Sam?_

_I honestly don't know._

_You know that Jacob cares for her. If anything happens to her…_

I cut him off. _Enough. I know the consequences of my actions. And if anything happens to her I'll never forgive myself._

_Neither will Seth and Jacob,_ Jared had sighed. _I'm sorry. I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on you. _

Too bad. I deserved it.

It was silent for a few minutes. Jared was almost home.

_I don't want to piss you off, but I think you need some help, man._

_I think you might be right. _I'd stunned him with my admission. _Some serious changes need to happen. I'm not sure what yet, but there are several problems that need to be addressed._ I paused and thought about how difficult this must have been for Jared to be discussing with me. It was an awkward situation. _You'll be the first one I call when I know something for sure._

_You've made some mistakes,_ he'd said. _But you're still my friend__—__so whatever you decide, I'll hear you out._

After he phased I was left alone. I ran for a while. I toyed with the idea of going to the Clearwaters' just to make sure that Leah was going to be okay. But I'd decided against it when I realized that Jacob and Seth probably wouldn't let me get through the door without detaching one or all of my limbs.

When I phased back and went home I tried to call and check on her. I got Seth_—_who threatened to put a bullet in my head if I came near his sister again. I heard Jacob reaming me out in the background.

"Seth, can you at least tell me how she's doing?"

"She's clawed to pieces. How do you think she's doing, asshole?" Seth had snarled.

"Please…I'm so sorry…"

"Go to hell."

_I'm sure I'm already on my way…_

Seth had hung up on me after that. It's a good thing that Emily hadn't been home at that time. I think I stood stunned in the living room for almost an hour before I realized that I had to pee.

After going to the bathroom I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. Leah had given me one seriously badass black eye. I'd forced out a hard laugh_—_because this wasn't the first time that she'd given me a shiner.

As I was staring at the fading claw mark across my eye, I heard the front door close. Emily was home. I knew I had to tell her about the day's events. It was going to be difficult.

And Jacob hadn't made things any easier for me. He'd barged in just as I was about to sit Emily down and explain everything to her. He'd come in with his chest all puffed out and blurted out what I'd done to Leah.

Seeing the anguish in Emily's eyes caused me intense physical pain, but that was overshadowed by my fury at Jacob. I understood why he was upset, but he had no right to upset Emily in that manner.

I knew that the images from that day would stay in my mind forever. Jacob's rage. Leah's pain. Emily's discomfort. Even after two days the pictures were still fresh in my head.

I stood before my fiancé this morning waiting on a response from her. I'd thought about a lot over the past forty-eight hours. Something needed to change. So, I'd come up with a solution that would work out for everyone. I leaned forward in anticipation as I watched Emily ponder what we'd just discussed.

I looked at Emily and sighed, "You understand, don't you?"

"Sam, are you sure you want to do this?" Emily asked. She probably thought I was crazy.

"I am. But only if you want it, too."

Emily stared at the floor for a moment before glancing at me again. Every time I saw her scars I was reminded of what a dick I was. She shouldn't have had to bear the brunt of my short temper. And what made it worse was the fact that she forgave me and _still_ loved me…which was a good thing, because my world would cease to exist without her.

"I'll do whatever you want."

That was all I needed to hear. I leaned forward and pulled her tightly into a loving embrace. After everything I'd done, I still had someone who loved me so much that she was willing to do something that I know she really didn't want to do to help make the situation easier for everyone.

"What about the pack?"

"Don't worry about that, sweetheart. Let me handle that. I can make the necessary arrangements." I assured her.

"Are you sure?" Emily hesitantly asked again.

"I am."

She nodded understandingly. "It will be hard to leave behind so many memories."

I saw her staring at a recently patched hole in the kitchen wall. It was from the time that I'd put my head through the wall by accident. We'd been babysitting her niece Claire that day. I'd been chasing her around the kitchen…because when a three-year-old asks you to do something…come hell or high water, you'd better do it. And Claire wanted to play tag. I should have listened to Emily when she told me that tag was _not_ a game to play indoors. I'd chased Claire around the house, and we'd ended up in the kitchen. I thought I had her cornered, but the little devil crawled under the kitchen table and used that as her escape route. On her way out of the other side she knocked a chair forward and it bumped into the table, sending Emily's family heirloom plates tumbling to the ground. I'd leaped forward to catch them before they hit the ground. I knew that with my speed and agility I'd be able to save the day.

I wasn't expecting a three-year-old to block my path. When Claire popped up in front of me I twirled around her, losing my balance and crashing head first into the wall. Of course, it hadn't really hurt me, but I knew Emily was going to lecture the hell out of me_—_especially when she saw that her plates were shattered.

Claire walked over to me, cocked her head, tagged me, and giggled out, "you're it" before she took off again.

Emily was right. This house held a lot of memories. She wasn't going to be the only one who had a hard time parting with it.

"I understand your need to leave La Push," Emily said. "But before we do, you need to try and make things right."

"They won't forgive me, Em."

"That doesn't mean that you shouldn't try."

"Okay." She'd always known how to push my buttons.

So, it was settled. Once I made a few phone calls, Emily and I would start to pack up our house so we could live our lives somewhere else. Moving was the only sensible thing to do. Staying here obviously wasn't working. My pack was falling apart, I kept hurting people, and I'd lost my mind. I needed to get control of myself so I could stop hurting the people that I loved.

I looked at the love of my life and kissed her delicately on the forehead. Just the fact that Emily was talking to me again was a miracle. After Jacob had come over here ranting about how I'd hurt Leah, Emily had barely said more than two words to me. The evening that she learned of her cousin's injuries, Emily refused to let me sleep in the bed. She'd spent most of her night in the kitchen baking things while I took a walk to clear my head. When I got home she was still fretfully baking. I was going to slip into the bedroom_—_considering she wasn't using it, but she stopped me and shook her head. She didn't say a word as she banished me to the couch. She took her wooden spoon and pointed it angrily towards the living room.

Hurting Leah was something else that Emily had generously forgiven me for. I didn't deserve her forgiveness. Hell, I still hadn't forgiven myself. I probably never would.

"Em, I love you." The words came out strong and sincere.

"And I love you."

_Why_? I asked myself in thought.

She brought her soft hands up to my face. "Sam…stop beating yourself up. It makes you very unattractive." She planted a kiss on my lips and then glanced at the clock. "I told the girls that I would meet them by ten."

I forced out a smile. "Go. Have fun. Buy the entire department store."

"You know we can't afford that," she said with a laugh.

"We'll just change our address." I joked.

When Emily left, I sat down on the couch and sank into the cushions. As promised, I called Jared to let him know what my plans were.

"Holy shit, Sam. Are you serious?"

"I can't help but see my entire history with her while I'm still here. And I know it's the same for her. I'm doing this so Leah can move on with her life."

"But_—_moving away? What about the pack?"

"You know as well as I do that I'm obviously not stable enough to manage everyone right now."

"Does Jacob know about this?"

I hadn't spoken to Jacob since he had broken away from the pack, taking Leah, Seth, Quil, and Embry with him.

"He doesn't. But I plan on discussing it with him in the next couple of days. But on the off-chance that he doesn't want to lead everyone I would feel comfortable leaving the rest of the boys in your hands."

"Jesus, man. I don't know what to say."

I heard a knock at the door. "Just think about it, and get back to me." I stood up and glanced at my front door. "I've gotta run."

I hung up and opened the front door and was startled to see Sue Clearwater standing on my front porch. I saw Charlie in the driveway behind her leaning against his car with his eyes trying to find anywhere else to look but towards us. This was an odd situation. I tried to read the expression on Sue's face. It was very tense.

I smiled at her nervously, but politely.

"Sue." _Oh, fuck. She knows about Leah's injuries._

"Is Emily home?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. _Phew, maybe she doesn't know._

"No. You just missed her. She went out with some friends."

"Ah." Sue nodded. She seemed to be concentrating on something difficult. She stood staring at me for a moment, and then cleared her throat, but still didn't say anything.

"I can tell her that you stopped by." I offered.

"I didn't come to see her," Sue said sharply. "I just didn't want her to witness this." With speed I'd never seen before she raised her hand at me, and before I knew what was happening her palm made contact with my face. It wasn't a soft hit, either. She hit damn near as hard as Leah. "If you _ever_ lay a hand on my daughter again you'll find out _exactly_ where Leah gets her temper from," she hissed.

I looked behind her towards Charlie, whose mouth was hanging open in shock. He looked dumbfounded. I imagine that Sue hadn't told him what she was coming over here to do.

"If you think that Leah is a force to be reckoned with...you should see _me_ when I'm angry."

I _had_ seen Sue when she was angry. And it was probably one of the most terrifying things I'd ever witnessed.

"I…uh…" I wasn't exactly sure what to say. _"Sorry I gutted your daughter"_ would probably only get me slapped again.

"What were you thinking, Sam?"

"I_—_wasn't." I swallowed a knot in my throat.

"You're lucky that Harry is no longer around. He would have buried you…" Sue threatened.

"I am so sorry."

"Save it," she growled. I saw her clenching her fists. Was she going to hit me again? I had no doubt in my mind that she'd come here to kill me. One thing I'd learned while I was dating Leah is just how close she and her family were. Now not only was I on Seth's hit-list_—_but Sue wanted me dead as well.

Charlie cleared his throat and walked up on to the porch next to Sue.

"What seems to be the problem here?" Even though he was in his civilian clothes, I could tell that he was in "cop" mode right now.

"We were just discussing some things," Sue said. She turned to him and smiled. "Sam was just inviting me in for a moment. Would you mind waiting in the car? I promise I won't be long."

_Please don't leave me alone with Sue Clearwater,_ I begged in thought. Charlie obviously couldn't see the panic written across my face_—_or he just didn't care._  
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"Sure." He nodded unsurely.

Sue pushed her way in as Charlie made his way back to the car. She shut the door behind her.

"Now, you listen here_—_I don't know what the hell transpired between you and my daughter to escalate into the confrontation that the two of you got into, but I have half a mind to take my best pair of kitchen sheers and castrate you. You could have killed her, Sam."

I hope she didn't know how close that I'd come to that. It made me queasy just thinking about it.

"No amount of apologizing can make up for what I did," I sighed. "There's no excuse." I knew that I should have walked away when Leah started to piss me off. I shouldn't have let her get to me.

"You need to shape up and get a hold of yourself, young man," she scolded me.

"Yes ma'am. I do." I agreed.

"God help me, if you _ever_ do anything like this again I will hunt you down like the dog that you are. Samuel Levi Uley, I have known you since birth. I didn't give you life, but I _will_ take it away. Do you understand me?"

"Yes ma'am."

Sue seemed to be done with her rant. I stood in front of her uncomfortably, waiting to see if she was going to hit me again. I saw her tension ease and she became slightly relaxed.

"May I ask you a question?" I found the courage to speak up.

"Go ahead."

"How is she doing?" No one would talk to me. Obviously, she wasn't dead, because I would have heard about it by now. Plus if she _was_ dead I think that Sue would have skipped the slap and gone straight to shooting me between the eyes.

"You've lost your right to ask that question," Sue said coldly. "Now you're going to walk me to the front door and wave to Charlie so he knows that I didn't kill you."

I did what I was told. Sue didn't know the meaning of "idle" threats. She would hack me to pieces if I didn't do what she said.

When we got to the front door I could see Charlie's anxious eyes glaring at us from his car. Sue smiled at him and then faced me again. She kept her voice calm and quiet as she leaned forward.

"You are no longer welcome at our house. I have put up with your nonsense for far too long. From now on if Emily wants to see us we'll come to her. Understood?"

I nodded silently.

She sighed and shook her head. "I don't know what demons are plaguing you, Sam, but I really hope for Emily's sake that you get it together."

She didn't say anything else to me as she walked towards Charlie's car. He still looked confused as hell. As Sue turned to climb in the passenger's seat, she glared at me, shooting daggers with her eyes. I watched her turn to Charlie with a perfectly serene expression on her face. She said something to him and then smiled as they drove off.

I rubbed my cheek where Sue had slapped me as I closed the door behind me. She had nothing to worry about. With my plan of moving out of town already in motion, I wouldn't be anywhere near her daughter by the beginning of next week. I had planned on telling the Elders at the end of the week. Hopefully Jared would have an answer for me by then on whether or not he wanted to take on the responsibility of Paul, Collin, and Brady. And if not I was ready to have the discussion that I needed to have with Jacob.

I felt a ball of tension in my stomach when I thought of what I might say to Leah about my plan. She'd probably be glad to get rid of me. I pictured her face in my mind. All I could think about was our history here. The two of us had known each other since we were babies. I wasn't just leaving behind my ex-girlfriend. I was leaving behind twenty-one years of friendship and love. That was going to be difficult. Walking away from it once was hard enough, but when I'd done that I'd had Emily. And I still had Emily. But no inherited werewolf trait could ever take away what Leah and I had once had.

Leah was my best friend. Emily was my soul-mate. I knew I couldn't have them both.

"You can't have your cake and eat it, too," I sighed quietly to myself. I shook my head as I thought about that saying. It didn't even make any sense. What else would someone do with cake besides eat it?

I fell on to the couch and leaned forward, bringing my head forward to meet my hands. I buried my face in my palms and quivered out a sob.

I loved Emily more than anything. More than I'd ever loved Leah. And that hurt me, because I knew what I'd put them both through. I had hurt the two most important people in my life. That was something that I was going to have to face every day for as long as I lived.

I knew that no matter what happened I would always have Emily. She would help me through everything. But I could still feel a burning pain in my chest. Because when we left I was going to lose Leah forever.

But I owed her that much. I owed her happiness. And as long as I was around she wasn't going to have that. It was time for me to move on...to let _her_ move on.

It was time for me to say goodbye to my first love.


	49. Outtake 5

**A/N: Like "Sam's Lament", this is an outtake **** that I thought would remain unfinished. It wasn't until I got a review (****thank you, aadarshinah!) **** requesting the awkward sex conversation between Leah and her mother that I was able to push past the writers block on this one. I like to try and give the readers what they want. Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews for being a continuous source of imagination and inspiration for me!  
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_**Warning: This outtake pushes the "gross-out" factor to a whole new level, and gets a bit graphic at times. This really isn't for younger readers (then again, not much of my writing is…lol). If you're still young enough that you **__**haven't**** had the "birds and the bees" convo with your own parents, then this will probably scar you for life. Hell, I'm sure it will probably scar the older readers for life, too.**_

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**Outtake 5:**

**Sex Ed Sue**

The morning had started out typical enough. Seth and his little loser buddies were playing some stupid video game with a bunch of violence and explosives. Mom was busy cleaning the house while dad did some chores outside. And I was sneaking Sam breakfast_—_among other things_—_in bed.

"This is fantastic." Sam smiled. I didn't think that it was possible to see Sam get any happier than he already was. Who knew that my mother's cooking was as good as sex? I'd already come to terms with the fact that I would always pale in comparison to food with the men in my life.

After he finished his last bite he leaned forward and kissed me. I could still taste the bacon on his lips. He noticed the grin on my face when he pulled away from me.

"What?" he questioned.

"Your breath tastes like Porky Pig's ass." I laughed softly.

Sam chuckled and then blew into his hand to check his breath. He shrugged and put his arms comfortably behind his head and leaned back against the bed.

There was a knock at my door. I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I looked at Sam and saw that he didn't look at all nervous. His face was calm and relaxed. I couldn't understand how he was able to remain so unflappable sometimes. His cool façade put some of my tension at ease.

"Leah?" It was Seth.

I automatically jumped to "angry sister."

"What do you want, spacewaster?"

"God, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," he mumbled. "I just want to know if you've seen my extra game controller? Quil is having issues with the one he's using."

"I think that's the least of Quil's issues," I muttered.

"Tell him to check the basket next to the TV," Sam suggested quietly.

"Did you look in the junk basket next to the TV?" I asked.

I heard Seth pace down the hallway and then a few minutes later he called out, "Thanks, Lee!" from the living room. I looked at Sam. How did he know that's where the controller was?

Sam noticed my curiosity. "I helped your mom with some cleaning last week." He crawled out of my bed and started to get dressed. He'd helped my mother clean? Either he was the best boyfriend ever...or mom was just that good at conning people into helping her. It was probably a little bit of both.

"How were you able not to piss yourself? We almost got caught…"

"Lee-lee, I love you. I can take whatever your family throws at me." Sam pulled his pants on. "Besides, do you honestly think that your parents don't know what we do at my place when you spend the night?"

The only reason we weren't at Sam's marvelous house_—_away from my family_—_is because we were trying to escape _his_ family. He had some relatives in town. Some very annoying nosy relatives. So when I was offered the chance to go to Billy Black's house for dinner last night I'd jumped at the chance. Sam couldn't get away from his relatives, but we still spent most of the evening talking on the phone to one another.

After a couple of hours I had managed to sneak away from the party at Billy's place to meet up with Sam, who was likewise sneaking away from his family. I'd glanced at the people packed into Billy's small house as I plotted my escape. It didn't take much effort. Everyone was so enthralled in their own conversations that I was able to just mutter to my mother that I was bored and that I was going home. She was so preoccupied with trying to get my dad to eat healthy that she just nodded her head and told me I could go. I laughed. Some _daring_ escape…

Sam and I had met at my house and lost track of the time. We'd ended up falling asleep. We woke up a few hours later when my parents and Seth got home. And instead of making him leave I just snuggled against him and told him that we'd sneak him out in the morning. And that's exactly what we were doing. But I wanted him to stay.

"What's the matter?" Sam glanced at my anxious face.

_Grovel at his feet and beg him not to leave. Tell him you want him to stay. Tell him you love him._ My brain was yelling at me. _Turn into an annoying love-sick fool, and show him what a neurotic mess you really are._ I needed to stop being such a weak-willed clingy _girly-girl_. I needed to maintain my composure. I shut my inner monologue off and shrugged quietly.

"I'm just irritated that you're leaving me here alone to listen to Seth and his dorky friends argue over a stupid video game."

"I've gotta run some errands, but I'll be back." Sam assured me. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead tenderly. His lips slowly ran down to my mouth and he breathed his bacon-y breath all over me. "I love you." I felt his hand brush mine as he kissed me passionately. He made his way over to my window and winked at me as he got ready to sprint across my lawn.

"You know, you don't have to do the whole 'daredevil' thing. I'm sure I could manage to distract my family with a diversion so you could use the front door like a normal person."

"I don't mind danger."

"Unless it involves snakes," I smirked. Sam hated snakes.

He nodded in admission. "Unless it involves those slimy evil carnivores that you call overgrown earthworms." I saw him shudder.

He didn't say another word as he quickly made his escape. I fell back on to my bed and laughed. Men were hilarious. They could handle being shot at, beating the crap out of one another in bars, and driving at speeds that shouldn't exist, but throw a tiny little garden snake in front of them...and they turned into squealing two-year-old toddlers.

I spent most of my morning contemplating my relationship with Sam. I wondered to myself when I had turned into such a possessive girlfriend. So far I had done a fairly decent job of keeping Sam unaware that I was constantly obsessing about him. I was hopelessly in love.

After a while I started to think about the physical aspect of our relationship. And that just made me hungry. Because I was always hungry after sex. Even _thinking_ about it made me want to inhale an entire roasted buffalo. So I made my way into the kitchen to get something to eat, all the while craving for Sam to get his ass back here.

Of course, had I known that going into the kitchen and making myself a sandwich was going to turn into such a debacle, I would have just gone out to grab a bite to eat instead.

I started digging through the cupboards and realized that we didn't have any food in the house. Mom really needed to go shopping. It's like we had been raided by a group of hungry bears. Either that or Seth and all of his buddies had devoured everything with any nutritional value. Those boys would eat cardboard if they didn't know any better...

I opened the refrigerator and saw that it was just as empty. I moved a few cans of soda around and found a Tupperware container holding some kind of mystery meat. I tentatively opened it and immediately took a step back.

"Ugh, how old is _that_?" I sniffed whatever was in the Tupperware. It smelled horrible. And it was starting to sprout all of the colors of the rainbow. I'd never seen food grow pink, blue, _and_ green mold. I shoved it into the garbage and pulled out the next container. It had some sandwich meat in it. And this meat wasn't crawling with mold. I sniffed it to be certain, and decided that it was probably safe for human consumption. Oh, well. No roasted buffalo for me today. Guess I was going to have to settle for bologna.

I made myself a sandwich and sat down at the table just as my mother entered the kitchen.

"So…you _do_ still live here." Mom laughed as she poured herself a glass of tea. "Your father and I thought that you moved out without telling us since we rarely ever see you anymore." She sat down next to me.

"Yeah. Sorry. I've been busy." I took a bite of my sandwich. _Busy with Sam and his incredible body._ I swooned in thought.

"Yeah. With Sam." Mom nodded. I almost choked on my sandwich. Hopefully she hadn't been able to read the "I wanna sex my boyfriend up" look on my face. "You two have been spending a lot of time together." Mom sipped her tea. "Will he be coming over today?"

_He just left through my bedroom window._

"Probably," I said. "He's going to help me study for my physics final."

"Well, that sounds productive," she muttered something to herself and then looked at me again. "Productive is good." She stood up. Something seemed to be bothering her.

"Is Seth still wasting away in front of the TV, snapping at the screen, and yelling at his controller?" Maybe she was concerned that her baby boy was going to turn into a mindless man-child that still lived at home when he was thirty-five, spending all of his time playing video games.

Apparently, my brother wasn't on my mother's mind at all. Instead of answering the question she sat back down and let out a heavy sigh and looked at me with deep concern.

"Are you on birth control?"

"Am I…what?" _Do not ask her to repeat the question._ I begged myself.

She did anyway.

"I'd like to know what form of birth control you're using. The pill? Condoms?" She looked at me for an answer. I'm not sure what shade of red I was right now, but this had completely caught me off-guard. She made it worse as she continued, "With both of those there is still a risk of getting pregnant. Condoms break all the time. I remember this one time your father and I…"

"Mom!" I cried. My hands were shaking and I felt nauseous. Mom smiled at me. She looked a bit embarrassed that she was getting ready to share her sexual secrets with her daughter.

"Sorry. The point I am trying to make here is that even with all of the precaution and preventative measure out there today you are still susceptible to so many different responsibilities that come with sex."

"Excuse me?" I shook my head to choke back the vomit that was fighting its way up. "I am begging you not to continue…" Hadn't I already sat through this lecture once when I was younger? Why was she making me sit through it again? Was I being punished?

"I just want to know if you're being safe. I know you're with Sam, and he's your first love, and I just want to make sure that you're taking precautions."

"Uh…uh…" _Say something, damn it_! Had the verbal part of my brain abandoned me?

"Being sexually active means being responsible." She sounded like a Sexual Education Campaign. "Even if the guy pulls out there's still a chance the girl could get pregnant."

_And cue the vomit. _"Oh, God. Stop. Please…"

"If you ever need any, I have some condoms in my top dresser drawer." She noticed my horror. "Don't you give me that look. I am a very healthy woman."

_I am NOT going to puke up this bologna. It's loaded with sodium, and it'll hurt like hell coming back up._

My mother took note of my silence. She glanced away from me and leaned back in her chair. I guess she was waiting for me to get over the nausea before she started lecturing me on the horrors of childbirth. I'd gone through that lecture once before, too. I wish I could have seen the look of horror and shock on my ten-year-old face when she'd said the phrase, "and the baby stretches your vagina as far as it can go!"

I shook my head as I swallowed the bile in my esophagus. "Thank you, mom. A perfectly acceptable conversation to have while someone is eating…"

"I wasn't born yesterday…"

_Is this going to be the segway into childbirth?_

"I read on the internet…"

_Thank you very much technology,_ I grumbled in thought. Fucking Internet.

"…kids today are starting to have sex at a much younger age than they used to…"

"Okay, can we talk about something a little more comfortable?" I questioned. "What are your views on abortion? And war? Politics? Drugs?" _Anything_ other than this? Hell, I was moments away from making something up about me being a really drugged up Meth-head just to get her off of this subject. "How about Japanese porn?"

"How long have you been having sex?" She ignored my pleas for her to shut up.

_Stop saying the word "sex" for God's sake! Go talk to Seth about masturbation or something. _That little brat was the reason that there was no lotion left in this house. I shook my head and gagged.

"Leah?" She was still waiting for my response.

"Oh, I lost it a long time ago to a manwhore in a truck stop bathroom."

"Are you going to take this seriously?" Mom asked.

"How do you know I'm _not_ taking it seriously?" I managed to ask with a straight face.

"Why wouldn't you come and talk to me?" she sighed. She was _disappointed_ that I didn't want to talk to her about blowing Sam?

_Sorry, mom. How about you and I attend oral sex classes together?_

"Do I ask you about _your_ sex life with dad?" I gagged as I asked that question. Thinking about my parents having sex made me queasy. Just the image of saggy boobs and wrinkly balls made me want to set fire to my brain. The bologna started coming back up again, but I forced it down with a few gulps of water.

"What would you like to know?"

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Like you really want to talk about this?" This _had_ to be just as uncomfortable for her as it was for me.

"I mean it. Ask me anything. I'll answer whatever you want to know."

"Oh, yeah?" I questioned. She was ruining my lunch, and that was making me crabby. I laughed darkly. "So, do you spit or swallow, mom?"

Her face never changed. She was still staring at me seriously as she opened her mouth to respond.

"Swallow."

Holy shit. She was going to answer me seriously. The terrifying thoughts slowly registered. _Oh, God! Bleach! I need bleach to pour directly on my brain! Ah! Oh, crap…forget bleach…just stick a blow torch in your ear and burn away these memories._

She cleared her throat. "Now that you know that I'm serious about this, will you please answer me honestly?"

All I could think about was the fact that now every time I saw my mother eating or drinking I would see her _swallowing_ something else entirely. I was at my breaking point. All I wanted to do was run. I started bouncing my knees anxiously. I pushed myself away from the table and started to stand up.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To knock myself unconscious in the hopes that I can forget this conversation."

"You're not going anywhere, young lady."

I knew that tone. She was really losing her patience with me. I thought about it. Maybe I could get through this. I could sleep with my boyfriend, but I couldn't talk to my mother about the birds and the bees? That wasn't very mature of me at all. _You can do this, Leah_. I assured myself.

The image of her and my dad popped into my head again, and it made me want to scream.

"Fine." I grit my teeth together and sat back down. "Torture away," I sighed.

"Well, I know you're having sex. Please tell me that you're being safe." She was back to the whole "condoms and contraception" speech.

"Yes," I mumbled out.

She seemed thrilled with my progress.

"Good. Are you still having a regular cycle?"

"Cycle of what? Laundry?" I snorted. She glared at me. I let out an irritated sigh, "How about I just change my Facebook status to 'Leah's wearing her crotch cotton' so you'll be able to keep up with my time of the month?"

She shook her head. "You don't even have a Facebook page."

"You're right. I don't. How about I go make one _right now_?" I tried to stand up again. "Gee, this conversation has been enlightening. Thanks for the advice…" _and for the years of therapy that I'm going to need to overcome this._

Mom was quick to stop me. "You sit your butt back down this instant. We are going to talk about this."

"Couldn't you just cut off all of my limbs?" I begged. I'd find _that_ more appealing than this.

"Have you or Sam ever been with anyone else?"

"Let's see. There was Brandon. Then Justin. Oh, and I can't forget Alex. James. Eric. Stu. Rick. Tony…" I started spouting out random names. I smiled to let her know that I was joking. _Your daughter is not a whore._ "Just Sam."

"And you're certain that he hasn't been with anyone else?"

"Does his left hand count?"

"I thought he was right handed." She noticed the shock on my face. "The more you push away by trying to use your cynicism as a mask, the more uncomfortable I'm going to make this for you."

_Devil woman._

"Neither of us has ever been with anyone else," I said quietly.

"How long ago?" she asked.

_Do you want an exact date so you can give us presents and a cake every year for our anniversary?_

"Almost a year and a half."

She looked a bit surprised, but tried not to show it.

"I see," she said. "Are you on birth control, or are you just using condoms?"

My brain was crying out, _Pleeeeeease__—__make her stop asking stuff!_

"Condoms," I squeaked out.

"It might be beneficial to go on birth control as well."

"Why?" _Don't ask her to explain!_ I wanted to punch myself.

"Having children is a lifetime commitment. You're not ready for that."

"Who said anything about kids?"

"Are you ready to face that mistake if the condom breaks?" she asked.

"Are you saying that having kids is a mistake?" That was an awesome way to make me feel loved. Having your _mother_ tell you that having kids is a mistake. Wonderful. Guess I was going to have to start calling myself "Oopsie" and Seth "Ah, man. Not again."

"It is at your age." Mom elaborated on what she meant. "I know you love Sam, but Leah, you're still young…"

"Oh, come on. Are you telling me that you were still a virgin at my age?" I mumbled.

"In fact I was. I was twenty-two my first time. My boyfriend Tom and I had been dating for almost a year…"

_A year? Really? A whole damn year? Poor Tom._ Wait. Tom? I looked at mom.

"You mean you and dad weren't each others firsts?" _Don't ask a follow up question, you moron!_ Me and my big goddamn mouth…

She shook her head. "That's the point I'm trying to make. I thought Tom and I were going to be together forever. But things change. Circumstances change. I'm simply asking you to be careful. Take precautions."

I thought about things from her perspective for a moment, and I realized that she was just trying to keep me from doing something that I might regret. I wished that I could make her see how much Sam meant to me. I loved him with everything I had. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else.

I put my hand softly on top of my mother's hand. "Okay, mom. I promise to be careful with my uterus."

"That's all I ask." She laughed. She was silent for a moment. "I hope he's treating you right."

"He is." I smiled. She still looked concerned. "He's great, mom. He's actually very gentle. I knew that it was supposed to be painful the first time, but…" I stopped when I saw the "mother bear" in her coming out.

"_What? My child? Hurting? Oh, no! Comfort! Lots and lots of comfort…"_

"Oh, sweetie…was it painful?"

_Why, no, mother. I found having my uterine walls rubbed raw with something that felt like a freaking chainsaw blade quite pleasant._

I shook my head. "Sam was actually very careful not to hurt me." Of course, I'd lied like a three-year-old with her hand caught in the cookie jar when he asked me if he was hurting me. I'd just shaken my head and kissed him while I silently chanted every swear word in the world._ Fucking shit. Cocksucking son of a bitch. Damn it all to hell. Mother of a corner-store whore. Christ on a cracker._

Sam had become concerned with my silence, so he'd continuously asked me if I was okay.

"I'm great." I'd managed to lie. _Excuse me while I go paralyze myself from the waist down so I can't feel the pain anymore. Thank bloody God that you only have to go through your first time ONCE._

I knew how much Sam loved me, and he showed it to me that day by being so compassionate and receptive to my feelings. Sitting here and discussing this with my mother today, I was reminded of how much Sam cared about me. The love that we shared was one of the most gripping things that I'd ever had the pleasure of experiencing in my life. And the more time that I spent away from him, the more I craved his love.

"God, Mom, I love him so much," I admitted with a smile.

"You see, Leah, talking to your mother about sex isn't the worst thing in the world." She winked at me as she stood up.

I chuckled, "What other torturous events do you have planned for today?"

"Do you need anything from the grocery store? Your father and I are running into town to grab a few things."

_Anything but bologna._ I don't think I would ever be able to eat bologna again. I shook my head.

As soon as my mom and dad were gone I immediately called Sam and told him that I needed to see him. He rushed right over thinking that something was wrong. I pulled him through the living room and into my bedroom.

"Lee-lee, what is it? What's wrong? I got here as fast as I could…"

When I kissed him and shoved him on to my bed he quickly stopped talking. After a moment though, he stopped me.

"Your brother…"

"Isn't home," I grinned. Fortunately for us, Seth had gone with his friends to a movie.

Sam didn't need any more enticing. In fact, I think he had his clothes off in record time. I quickly lost myself in our fiery passion.

After we were done, I snuggled against him. He kissed my forehead and laughed softly.

"What has gotten into you?" he asked.

_You mean besides cream of Sam?_ I shook my head. _Too nasty, Leah. Too nasty._

"I was reminded today of how much that I love you." I brought my palms to rest against his chest. His skin was so warm. Almost too warm. I put my hand against his cheek and he smiled at me. "You feel hot. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm wonderful," he said with a grin. "I could stay like this for the rest of my life." He squeezed me tightly.

_So could I_.

I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck and pushed my cheek against his sweltering flesh. I closed my eyes and kissed his shoulder. I had never been more satisfied in my entire life.

I felt a rumbling in my stomach.

"Damn it," I said quietly.

"What?" Sam questioned.

"I'm starved." I chuckled.

"I can go get you something to eat before I leave," he offered.

"Aw, come on. You're not really going to hit it, then quit it, are you?" I frowned. I knew that he had other things he had to be doing today, but I selfishly wanted him to stay with me all day.

"Your parents are going to be back any minute now." Sam sat up.

"So? What's the worst that could happen?"_ I already talked to my mother about our first time together…_

He gave me a confused look. "This morning you were terrified of being caught. What changed?"

"Trust me, you _don't_ want to know." Images of my mother and the faceless "Tom" appeared in my head and were slowly overtaken by images of saggy boobs and wrinkly balls. I shuddered. Sam gave me a concerned frown, so I smiled to let him know that I was okay.

The conversation itself hadn't been traditional…nor pleasant, but I did take a few things away from it. And there was one thing that I had been wondering about since the conversation.

"Hey, Sam, are you right or left handed?" I asked curiously.

"Right. Why?" he asked as he pulled his pants on.

"Just curious." _Damn. Mom was right._ How did I not know that? And more importantly_—_how did _she_ know that? I watched from bed as Sam hopped around trying to get his shoes on. He lost his balance and fell on to the floor. I laughed.

"Hey, who's Emily?" he questioned as he stood up with a piece of paper in his hand.

"My cousin. You've met her, haven't you?" I could have sworn I had introduced the two of them.

He shook his head and tossed me an old birthday card that Emily had sent to me. He must have found it on the floor.

"Nope."

"Oh, well…she's supposed to be coming down for a few days next month. I'll introduce you then. But just so you know, she's kind of shy, so be nice to her."

"If she's related to you I'm sure that I'll love her." Sam scooted up next to me to give me a goodbye kiss.

I didn't know then that those words were going to haunt me forever.

When he pulled away from our kiss, I sighed.

"Are you sure you can't stay?" I asked. I saw him look at the floor deep in thought. "It's a 'yes' or 'no' question, Sam." I chuckled softly. "I understand if you can't."

He smiled at me. "Sorry, I'm just…" He searched for the right word, "…well, I just feel kind of…weird. Off." He shook his head. "I'm probably just stressing about my family. They drive me crazy."

I laughed thinking about the afternoon that I'd had with my mother.

"I know _exactly_ what you mean."

Sam and I shared one more kiss goodbye, and then I watched him walk out of my bedroom.

I let my head fall against my pillow with a smile on my face. I loved my kooky boyfriend, and not even my mother rambling about her sex life could upset me as long as I had him.

My stomach growled again. "Alright, alright. I hear you." I mumbled down at my grumbling gut. I threw on some clothes and made my way into the kitchen again.

As I warily walked into the kitchen, I started having flashbacks to the talk that I'd shared in here with my mother earlier. _Coulda been worse. At least it was mom and not dad._ I told myself. Sitting through a talk like that with my dad would have been _beyond_ awkward. Mostly because I wouldn't have been able to say anything back. I would have had to sit there and listen to everything he said as I squirmed around anxiously.

I browsed the refrigerator, but the only thing there was a piece of cheese and half a bottle of cranberry juice. When I opened the cabinet, I was startled to find a note addressed to me. I glanced down at the neat handwriting on the page:

_Leah,_

_If you're anything like me, I assume that you are famished. I don't think you are going to find much in the way of snacks in the kitchen. But I do keep some stashed away in my closet for these such occasions. There are granola bars and fruit snacks in mine and your father's bedroom if you would like something to eat._

_Love,_

_Mom _

I had to wonder if she was trying to gross me out by telling me that she was usually hungry after sex, too. I gagged. No way I could go in my parents room now. I grinned. Two could play at that game. I couldn't help myself as I started scribbling a note back to her.

_Mom,_

_No, thanks. I'm sure the whipped cream and cherries in my bedroom can hold me over for a while. And don't worry about drinks, either. I'll just drink what's left of the milk in the fridge. There's not much, but I've got enough chocolate syrup and honey to whip up an interesting little milkshake._ _Or__—__I could just see if Sam has some milk I can borrow. Read into that however you like._

_Love you, too,_

_Leah_

I shoved the note back in the cabinet and smiled in satisfaction.

I _really_ didn't think that one all the way through. Unfortunately, mom hadn't been the one who'd found the note. Dad was.

And mom just laughed at me the entire time my father lectured me about practicing safe sex.

I could see the look in her eyes. _"You should have listened to me."_

I glared back at her. "_Shut. Up."_


	50. Final Author's Note

**Final Author's Note:**

**My Sunset (Okay, yeah...that's pretty damn cheesy)  
**

Since I've been kind of sucky at responding to reviews, I wanted to answer a few questions for you guys had before I wrap everything up.

First of all, BLACKWATER4EVR: Yes, the chapters are a bit screwy as I got rid of the one chapter with nothing but the author's note. So, the reviews are off. But the entire story is still there, and as long as the story stays in order, I'm happy.

In response to Ginaaaa: In the second outtake, the teacher's name was Mr. Poole. I did actually used to watch Sabrina, so I know why you asked if that's where I got the name. But it isn't. I love coincidences, though. As for Sabrina: I loved Mr. Kraft in that show. And Caroline Rhea is one of my favorite actresses EVER.

Jlforeverr asked if I got the flesh colored beard line from The Soup. I do watch The Soup. And it is indeed what inspired the line. Joel McHale is genius. In fact, I would absolutely love to shake his hand and tell him how freaking funny he is. As for creepy-beard dude, I've personally never seen The Hills. And after watching a bit of Spencer what-ever-the hell his last name is on "I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here," he makes me want to beat the crap out of him...and his stupid beard.

A lot of you have asked if I'll do a sequel. I could bullshit you and mess you around, but the truth is I probably won't. I still feel that most sequels just can't surpass their original. I have absolutely no clue whether or not I'm going to write anymore fanfics. I never know what's next in my life. At the moment, I don't have anything planned (I never do. It's a day at a time). But who's to say that won't change? I never thought I'd do another one after "The Dawn Was Already Broken"…but this gem came to me one night after I hadn't slept in two days. Insomnia can be pretty damn creative.

I sat down in front of the computer and typed away. And I know that I took you guys through a hell of a ride, but that was my plan all along. And I am incredibly grateful to all of the readers who stuck around through all of the crap. Your reviews meant more to me than you realize. Positive and otherwise. Every compliment and criticism that I've gotten helps me to learn something. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: You can't please everyone. What a world we could live in if that were possible. I've always appreciated honesty. And I have found that some people are going to bitch no matter what, and that's okay. I do hope that I at least provided a bit of entertainment if only for a moment. And I honestly do appreciate all the truthful comments and reviews that you...as the readers...are kind enough to leave.

Now, my little speech where I thank people. I'll try not to make it too long. The list is simple. The people who read (even those who don't review). Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Just to know that someone finds my work enjoyable is incredibly uplifting.

These fics are the first thing I've ever put out in the public eye, because I'm very neurotic and critical of my writing. When it comes to who I am...no matter how much fun I go out and have with my friends, I am actually a very quiet and shy person…especially when it comes to my stories. And I currently have three different friends bitching at me because I admitted to them that I wasn't sure how skillful I was as an author. And to get your positive, encouraging reviews makes me believe that my friends are actually telling me the truth. I am amazed that throughout my life I have managed to find one thing that I don't screw up completely.

I really want to thank Stephenie Meyer for writing such great characters to make fun of.

Amy, thanks for being an obsessed freak and shoving the books down my throat (even if I have only read them once, whereas you're in the hundreds somewhere...). *points accusing finger at the married mother of two who is responsible for me even _knowing_ about the _Twilight_ universe*. Amy, you vampire whore, it's all your fault.

My coworkers. My girls. You know I love you guys. I couldn't get through a day without our quirky loving fun times. As sappy as it sounds, without our playful banter and sharp wit, these stories would not exist. Thank you for providing a job in which I gladly fall out of bed for every morning.

And my animals who inspire me to laugh every day, and love me despite all of my flaws. They are the definition of true friends and loyalty.

To my readers: It has been wonderful sharing "Leah's Sunrise" with you guys. Thank you, again. Sincerely.


	51. Updated AN

**A/N:**

Ah, fanfiction, the first time I was able to get my chicken ass to show my writing to others. First of all, I just want to tell all you wonderful readers and reviewers thank you for giving my writing a chance. I have always been a writer. I'm pretty sure I came out of my mother with a pad and a crayon. Over the years I traded my crayons in for pencils, and then keyboards as my writing grew. I was always protective of my stories. Too protective. Fortunately, the two friends I showed my writing to encouraged me to get it out there. I was still too nervous, so my Twilight-centric friend inspired me to write about Twilight, thinking it would loosen me up (Side note: It MORE than loosened me up!). I was like, "Sure, okay," with a giant grin on my face. She had no clue I was going to parody her Godlike vampires. Plus, I knew she was right about me loosening up a little bit. I thought, "What's more fun than fanfiction? Sure, you've never written fanfiction in your entire life. You don't even know what fanfiction is. Maybe you should do a little research about it. Nah, research is too much damn work. Just wing it. Oh, wings. I like wings. Wait, what was I thinking about again?"

Turns out that mocking Stephenie Meyer's book by writing, "The Dawn Was Already Broken" and then "Leah's Sunrise" was one of the best decisions of my life, because it made me realize that people actually liked reading my writing. To be completely honest I was convinced that maybe three people would read my story. Low and behold, I had a few more than three hits. And because of your encouraging, and sometimes not so encouraging reviews, I was able to get over my fear of putting my writing in public. So I wanted to thank each and every one of you for giving me the balls to publish my own novel.

Yes, here begins the self-promotion. I started on a story ten years ago titled, "The Barking Mad Tale of a Teenage Werewolf" (I know, what's my thing with werewolves, right?). The story turned into a series of novels, the first of which I have officially published as an ebook (sadly, it seems as if the paperback and hardback days are slowly dying. Borders closing their store doors. Barnes and Noble, I'm sure is not far behind). But the world of online writing is thriving! "The Barking Mad Tale of a Teenage Werewolf, Book one: An American Werewolf in Idaho" is now for sale on Amazon in the Kindle book store as well as a paperback.

If you liked my fanfiction I hope you will take a look at the first two novels in my series: **The Barking Mad Tale of a Teenage Werewolf**

**Book one: An American Werewolf in Idaho**

**Book two: A Tale of Two Shih Tzus  
**

I promise unforgettable characters, a lot of laughter, and hell of a storyline. The series is based around wise-cracking werewolves, non-sparkling vampires, a dash of love, and a journey of self-discovery.

_Being a teenager is hard. It's even harder when you're part wolf. Cassie Hill has always had trouble fitting in. She's not smart enough to be in the book club, not emo enough to be in the goth club, and not glamorous enough to be in the girls with 'tudes club. But when she starts waking up in the middle of the woods with little memory of how she got there she learns she belongs to a club many people don't know about._

_She discovers a world filled with secrets, corruption, and a wacky pack of werewolves who spend their time playing dare or dare, placing ridiculous bets, and fighting crime. But she also discovers that being a werewolf isn't all fun and games. In between the laughter and fun she and her family stay busy protecting the town and investigating suspicious murders. Just when Cassie thinks she has her life balanced a new boy moves to town. She is instantly smitten with him, but when she gets to know him she finds out he is harboring secrets of his own. She wants to believe the best in him, so the internal battle between her intuition and her heart clash. She digs for answers about him, but the more she digs the more she discovers about her past. It is only a matter of time before the lies in her life start to unravel. Nothing in her world is as it seems. Can she find the courage to follow her heart?_

You can check it out on Amazon, and check out some sneak peeks on Facebook under the name Katella Stegmann (or like me on Face book). It's Facebook/AnAmericanWerewolfinIdaho. I also have a preview of the book on this very site.

If you like it, tell your buddies!

Thank you guys again for all of your listening skills!


	52. Shameless Self Promotion and Blackmail

**(Yet another) Author's note:  
**

Publishing, like my life, has been one hell of a ride. It's no secret I am a giant pansy when it comes to my writing (which is why it was so much fun for me to write a character as brash and out there as Leah). I'm somewhat quiet and subdued around other people. No one really listens to me when I talk, so I write instead. All my life any time I have shared my soul on paper I have heard, "You should put your writing out there," but I didn't really want to because I didn't think anyone would want to hear what I had to say.

Then life threw several curveballs my way and my perspective changed. You have to roll with the punches and appreciate the life you've got, and I decided that regardless of whether or not anyone was willing to listen, I was going to stop being a wussy and share my writing. I will never forget that the wonderful people here on fanfiction were the first people outside of my family and close friends I let into my wacky world of writing. Posting here (and on Twilighted) took me out of my comfort zone and forced me to take the step into publishing that I otherwise would have been too chicken to do on my own.

It's funny. I have been through some rough times. I've been in my fair share of squabbles (I suppose something I drew from when I wrote the fight scenes in my stories). I have always lived a life without fear. I recently went skydiving for the second time in my life. I have even faced up to a gun two inches from my head. But nothing...nothing has ever terrified me as much as publishing my writing, yet I somehow gathered up the gall to do it. Because life is too short to not take a few risks.

If I get enough publicity for my writing then perhaps when I finish the editing stages of my third novel I will do one more fanfiction (*gasp* Am I blackmailing you? Possibly. Let me know if it works. lol). Spread the word about my novels.

The first two novels have already been released. _Book one: An American Werewolf in Idaho_ and _Book two: A Tale of Two Shih Tzus_ are already selling on Amazon as a paperback and on kindle. The third and forth are still in the editing stages. The series is about a family of do-gooder shapeshifting wolves who get their kicks by antagonizing one another while they protect their town from evil. It is packed with action, romance, humor, vampires, and plenty of pack drama. To keep up with the latest quotes and updates about when the new novel will be released you can like The Barking Mad Tale of a Teenage Werewolf Series on Face book or barkingmadbooks on Twitter. You can also follow at KatellaStegmann on Twitter or Katella Stegmann on Face book. I have an exclusive preview of several chapters from the first book on the site under my profile. Enjoy.

To all of you supporting me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can't say it enough.

I will end simply by telling all aspiring writers to never sell yourself short. Never doubt your abilities. Believe in yourself. Believe in your writing.

L.K. Stegmann


	53. I'm a total whore, so sue me

First of all, get your perverted minds out of the gutter you naughty, naughty children (geeze, growing up is a long hard process)! The only thing I am whoring out is my writing.

Second of all, I said "long" and "hard". Ha ha. Guess I haven't done as much growing as my prudish friends.

Seeing as how February is the month of loooove I am temporarily lowering the price of my novel, "An American Werewolf in Idaho" to $0.99 on kindle for the next two weeks to show my love for my terrific readers. If you are interested, check it out.

Thanks for all the continuing support, guys and gals. Here's an excerpt from chapter seven, titled, "Open mouth; insert foot"

* * *

My brain was frozen in an idiotic state. As he glanced around the parking lot I quickly dabbed the edge of my mouth to make sure I wasn't drooling like a dog. When he looked back at me I smiled again and nervously chuckled. My brain screamed at me to say something.

"It's nice out."

The weather? Was I really talking about the weather with someone I had never met? I could have smacked myself. Where had the verbal part of my brain run off to? The only thing running through my head was an inner monologue of things that weren't even remotely helpful.

_Duh, me woman. You man. Me like you. You hot. We kiss now?_

"I like the cold weather," he responded.

_He didn't run away screaming._ I was surprised.

_Play it cool. Don't do that nervous girly jabbering thing you do._ I was startled when I heard Kat giving me advice.

I swallowed a knot and cleared my throat and then made eye-contact with Jackson again.

"I like the cold weather, too. The winter can get brutal here, but I love the snow."

Crap. I was jabbering. I tried to get a read on his thoughts again.

Still nothing.

"You're new to Crossport, right?"

"That obvious, huh?"

"It's a small town. When someone new comes into town everyone notices."

God, why was I so nervous?

_Just be yourself._ Sean tried to help me.

_That's the worst advice I've ever heard._

If I did that Jackson would surely run away in terror. I tried the 'play it cool' approach.

"So, I take it you moved from a place that's a lot more interesting than here?"

"I've certainly seen more exciting places. My family and I move around a lot."

"Military brat?"

"Something like that. We moved here a few weeks ago."


	54. AN: Be Mindful of Your Words

This is one for all the up and coming writers out there.

So, here's something terribly ironic: I have a friend who, like me, was afraid of sharing her writing on the internet, because let's face it…people on the net can be downright bastards just for the sake of being bastards. Trolls, haters, big bag o dicks…call 'em what you want. But she decided to brave it and put some of her stuff up anyway (yay!). She generated some pretty positive reviews. But like with any writer-sharing site she got some negative ones, too. Sadly, the haters scared her away. I saw some of the things people nitpicked about before she took her stuff down and closed up shop. A lot of the negativity was verging on nasty. Now, that's the first reason I felt compelled to write this.

The second is as follows: It's been a while since I've logged into my own FF site (sorry! Between work and school I don't get a chance to log in very much anymore), but I did so earlier tonight. I sorted through some reviews, mostly positive, but there was one I found that was less than pleasant. I think the timing is pretty hilarious. It was only after I started writing a plea for people to be careful with their words that I decided to take a look at my own reviews. I save my reviews, even the ones I don't like because they teach me. I try not to obsess about them, because I think the person who is the most critical on me…is me. Most of my reviews are pretty positive. There are a few critical ones, which is absolutely fine. Believe me, I'm not trying to complain about the complainers. I think we're all entitled to our own opinions. After sorting through my reviews there were only a handful of responses that made me wonder why people get angry enough to say some of the things that they do.

I think I've only logged in and responded to a negative review one time, but seeing as how most people who leave the negative comments without logging in because they A) Don't have an account (which is fine, I can dig that) or B) want to bash, but are afraid so they hide behind the anonymity of the internet I am going to respond to any hate right here and right now. I like to respond to the people who take the time to read my writing, whether it's a simple thanks or an answer to a question or a, "hey, brah, why you hatin' just to hate?" I believe in free speech, so you want to bash...cool. But ask yourself a question before you do. If you don't like something...why spend time on it? I quite enjoyed writing my stories. I enjoy the people who review, positive and negative. Because the positive is just...well, it's nice to hear. And the negative generally teaches a lesson. But sometimes negative is just negative for no reason. I'm a logical person and like any writer I am open to growth, but growth generally happens with constructive criticism and logical discussions, not with, "ZOMG, thiz is sooo laime!"

Here's the thing: If something about my writing annoys you, that's perfectly fine. Writing is subjective. The only thing I ask is that if you don't like something don't harp on it like a twelve year old (no offense to any of my younger readers!). Be an adult. If you're not enjoying something it's as simple as stepping away from it. You don't have to be ugly and hateful. Other than that feel free to express your opinion...because, hey, we're all free to go wild on the internet, right? No repercussions. Some people just take that to an extreme. Hey, thumbs up. Congrats for mocking someone from behind the safety of a computer screen. After seeing some of the hateful things my friend was subjected to (thanks to my readers for never putting me through shit like that) and other hateful things drifting around the internet today I worry that people don't know the effect their words can have. Scared my friend away. Kind of sad, because her stuff was pretty damn good. I'm just trying to say to be mindful of the work you criticize. Some of the people who are sharing their writing are being brave enough to expose their soul to the world. It's not an easy thing to do. You should be mindful of anyone who has the balls to do that.

And to all the people out there who are afraid to expose the world to wonderful stories because of one piss-ant's opinion, don't let cynicism bring you down. Because I'm here to tell you…the negative in no way decreases the value of your talent, nor does it make you any less of an artist. How you let the opinions affect you is up to you.


End file.
